- Member Since 11th May, 2014
- offline last seen May 21st, 2015
Endless Madness
Keep your filthy original fics away from me, you casual.
Endless Madness
Joined 11th May, 2014 ·
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Don't see what all the dislikes are about, this is actually pretty good. I do love me a decent Raider-centric story. Have a like, and a favorite.
4636558 I do enjoy a like (more than I enjoy dislikes, anyways). You made my day.
Okay, I promise you that I'm not trying to be rude, but, after fully reading this, I can tell you the dislikes are for a number of reasons.
One is that your characters have no depth. It felt like giving dialogue to any run-of-the-mill, bullet meat known as a raider.
The story is short, giving the reader little time to build attachment to characters that, as previously stated, aren't that likeable.
Your environment is non-existant. Not even one little detail about the setting is given until we learn that they're close to Ponyville. The complete waste of a Stable Number is also a liitle bit irksome.
But the reason why I don't care much for this read lies in the fact that the story feels...pointless. Everyone dies. The end. The only thing that I take away from this story is that being a raider ultimately sucks, which I can already determine through common sense.
I have to give some praise though. Even if I don't care much for the story, I don't think it's bad by any stretch. Honestly, this is probably one of the more realistic depictions of raiders, and I've long gotten bored of the "reformed raider" idea. Guise of Chaos, M#7, and one of my newer favorites, Legacies attempt to employ that variant of character development, but rehashed ideas get old (like stables...) and I'm glad to see a route less taken. In the end, I'll give it a thumbs up, but I just can't favorite it.
P.S. Bloodletters, not Bloodspillers.
4636953
My characters are raiders. I was trying to write them as how they often appeared in the games: mindless, heartless killers with no interest in anything but their own desires. Reading over them now, though, I realize that they are flatter than Sparkle-Cola. That is entirely my fault. If I can't make a heartless murdering scumbag an interesting character, then I have a lot to work on.
I just wanted to make a short, entertaining story to entertain my followers while I worked on my other story. I should have spent a little more time adding characterization.
Usually, I work on describing the setting quite a bit. As I had already described the setting before in my other story, I neglected to mention it in this story. That is also my fault.
As for the story feeling pointless... I have no argument for that. That is where I have failed, as a writer. I cannot make a decently structured plot to save my life. I made it up as I went, and it shows. The fact that you even gave a like is miraculous, and perhaps undeserved.
And finally, thank you for reading this. Even if it was utter crap. I will do my best to improve the story so that it may one day be suitable for reading.
P.S. I have never read Murky Number Seven. These raiders are not related to the Bloodletters in that story. I don't see why you would "correct" me on that when neither of these stories are canon.
4637215
Okay, uh... Don't do that. I don't want to read a reply that makes you sound defeated. I was hoping for a comment that would assure me you would try harder, not put yourself down like a rabid Dogmeat. <3
P.S. Bloodletters/spillers in Ponyville. I only assumed you were making a reference, that's all.
4637372 I am rewriting the story as we speak. For all intents and purposes, they're Bloodletters now.
I'll attempt to publish the revised and fixed version later today.
4637385 That's the spirit!
4637397 Alright, it's done. Check it out if you want.
There. This is multitudes better.
I feel that his sudden concern for his compatriots is a little bit contrived (*cough* Knife *cough*). I actually have read Murky, and I don't believe those Bloodletter's are the real deal. And, sorry, you're going to have to downgrade Ripper's firearm. A revolver would do a great deal more damage to your neck than a little cotton would be able to mend.
But you know what? I like this story now. It's a short entertaining read that gave a little "what-goes-around" morality to it, and, in saying that, the ending is sweet in a raider-y way. 'Cept Jet needs to die. 150 in what time span? Just saying... Something needs to come around.
:)
From this chapter alone do I really not know where all of those downvotes are coming from. Sure the story structure is a bit simplistic, but it is a rainder there are telling the story, you can't expect them to be the next Shakespear and have time to tell a 7 hour long backstory. Nah a raider and its story goes right to the action, just as shown here.
" We set up a bonfire just outside Stable 6 and ate some apples and mystery meat." Ehh… I am pretty sure that it wouldn't be a mystery for a raider where the meat comes from, beside is it a really really badly kept secret that every time a fallout game did mystery meat that it is human meat.
"And a few dozen pounds of food and water. Pretty big take."
Ehh not really, that is like maybe a week or so of food and water. A "poud" of food or water is like a days ration, so they are saying that a weeks worth of food is a big take… Since they are eating mystery meat would they get way more food out of eating a single pony, they weigh quite a bit after all... Wait something hit me, why are they trying to hit a new place when they have just cleared a Stable out? Sure they do not have any tech ponies to keep the Stable stable, heh pun intended, but there would still be loads and loads of food and water if they had enough to keep a population of hundreds going. Sure I know that raiders are pretty… well simplistic in their way of thinking, but leaving the perfect base of operation is just stupid.
"You planning on leaving after this last score?" I would say delete this last. With it being there does it state it is the last, while they are still discussing the matter.
First now that I am reading the last chapter in the story do I notice that the author haven't been online in 4 years time... Well small details like that ain't gonna stop me from commenting, if they ever return and sees this!
Nice ending, and new high score reached.