Pretzels

by Dinkledash

A Recipe for Disaster

"Everything is ruined!" Pinkie Pie wailed in the kitchen at five-o-clock in the morning, looking at the doughy mess in front of her. The flat, unleavened, doughy mess. The mess that failed to rise. She looked at the jar of yeast in her hoof. "Always remember to check the expiration date on the yeast, Pinkie Pie! Always remember! This yeast is dead! Deader than dead! It's the deadest yeast that's ever died!" Bitter tears flowed. "And that's the yeast of my problems! Tee-hee, oh, Pinkie, even when you're staring disaster in the face, you still got it!"

She stopped chuckling though when she realized that in three hours the shop was going to open with no pink yogurt-covered pretzels to sell, and that Mr. Vanderhoof was going to come through the door as he did every day at eight-o-clock in the morning and he would want to buy a bag of pink yogurt-covered pretzels and there would BE NO PRETZELS! If it wasn't the worst possible thing, surely Mr. Vanderhoof's profound disappointment would be one of the top ten worst possible things, somewhere between a cake falling and all of Equestria exploding. I won't have time to make the dough again! I have to do SOMETHING!

She thought deeply for a moment, and then the solution presented itself: I'll ask Twilight for help! Off she galloped, under the moonlight, to the Fortress of Friendship.

______

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Princess Twilight Sparkle, princess of friendship and nominal ruler of Ponyville sat up blearily in her bed. I really HAVE to get some guards. "SPIKE!"

A grunt sounded from the next room and momentarily a bedraggled purple dragon staggered to her door. "Huh? What?"

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Spike yawned. "Sounds like you have a visitor, Twilight." He blinked as she glared at him. "Oh! Yeah, sorry!" He turned and went down the hall, Twilight hearing the clickety-clack of his claws on the floor. What is the floor made of anyway, polished, solidified friendship? I haven't been able to figure this place out but it definitely needs some carpets. There was a click as the door unlatched, followed by a sharp concussion, the howl of a wounded, or at least mistreated dragon and a pink blur which materialized on her stomach, knocking the wind out of her.

Pinkie's highly agitated face filled her field of view. "Omigosh Twilight something awful has happened at Sugarcube Corner and you have to come it's like not the worst possible thing but its definitely in my top ten of worst possible things somewhere between a cake falling and all of Equestria exploding and you gotta come help because only you will be able to fix this and we need to hurry thanks see you there!" Then she was gone in a pink puff of panic.

Twilight shared at the empty space Pinkie had occupied only a second before, trying to get her wind back. Somewhere between a cake falling and all of Equestria exploding? That leaves a considerable range of possibilities. Oh well, there's no sleeping in today, it would seem. She dragged herself out of bed, annoyed by the clicking. I better get Rarity in here to do some decorating. I miss my library...except that secret lab downstairs is really something! I don't even know what half of those devices do! I'm surprised such advanced technology comes standard with Princess Fortresses, but I suppose Rank Has Its Privileges!

She went down the stairs towards the entranceway where she saw Spike dusting himself off. "Sorry Twilight, I couldn't stop her. Maybe we should install a peephole in the door."

"That's OK, Spike. She'd probably be able to fit through a peephole anyway, if she thought it was important enough. Besides, this may well be serious, or at least interesting. You never know with Pinkie. Let's go." Twilight levitated Spike onto her back and took off into the night. After a minute she could see the lights from Sugarcube Corner and banked, coming in for a landing right in front of the door. Spike hopped off and opened the door for her, following Twilight in.

In the kitchen, Pinkie was sobbing disconsolately. Tears gushed as she sat on the floor, a bowl at her feet and flour spread liberally about. "Dead, dead, they're all dead! I was too late!"

Twilight galloped up to her, the blood draining from her face as Spike gasped in horror. "Dead? Who's dead? What happened? Are the Cakes alright?"

"The yeast Twilight! The yeast is all dead, and my dough won't rise!" She held the bowl up for the princess' inspection.

"Pinkie! You scared the hay out of me! Don't ever do that again, please! Is THIS the worst possible thing somewhere between a cake falling and all of Equestria exploding?" Pinkie nodded, tears sopping the floor. Twilight groaned. Then she stopped herself from speaking her mind and thought about her lessons in friendship, particularly that time when she was so frightened that she wouldn't have a weekly letter for Princess Celestia that she had a nervous breakdown and all of her friends just blew it off. That almost ended very badly indeed.

With all the patience she could muster, Twilight calmed herself and spoke. "Alright Pinkie, I know this is important to you. Do you need me to help you with a new batch of dough?" Pinkie gulped air and shook her head.

"No Twilight, there won't be time for the new dough to rise and for me to bake the batch of pretzels for Mr. Vanderhoof, and he'll be so disappointed!" Her eyes welled up again, threatening fresh rivers.

Twilight smiled warmly at Pinkie, from the heart. Of COURSE it is about somepony else's happiness. This is Pinkie Pie, she NEVER thinks about herself first. "Pinkie, I wish I could do something, but it's not like I can bring the yeast back from the..." She paused. The new secret lab had some very interesting equipment. Including... "Spike, I need you to go get Rainbow Dash right away and bring her to the fortress! Tonight, we raise the bread!"

______

Twilight, Pinkie and the dough got to the Fortress several minutes before Spike showed up with a bleary-eyed Rainbow Dash. "What gives, Twilight?" She yawned broadly, displaying her orange palate and magenta tongue. "It's like oh-dark-thirty."

"Thanks for coming Dashie. I just need you to get me a good thundercloud and stand by, above the fortress!" Twilight was calculating voltages as she took the dough to a metal table and applied clamps to the bowl, then stuck electrodes into the doughball itself.

"Well, OK! Sounds like fun at least!" Dash zipped up the stairs from the secret lair and flew out a window, looking for atmospheric moisture to build up to a decent thunderhead.

Twilight turned to Spike. "Spike, I need you to go to the control panel and follow my instructions. And stop slouching! And what's with the eyepatch?"

Spike shrugged and stood up straight, removing the eyepatch. "Sorry, it seemed thematically appropriate."

"Stop fooling around, Spike! You have important lab assistant work to do!" She placed round protective goggles over her eyes and donned a white lab coat. "Now, start turning that crank, right there, and keep turning until I tell you to stop!"

"Yesh mishtresh!" he gibbered, falling to the work with a will. As he cranked, a platform containing the table, Twilight and an antenna array rose through the middle of the tree-fortress trunk. It got to within a few feet of the roof.

"OK Spike, stop! Now pull that lever!" He did so and a the ceiling parted to reveal a patch of dark sky, darker still for the threatening cloud that hovered above. "Now crank again!" He spun the crank a few more turns until the platform reached out of the top of the fortress. "That's good! Thank you! Now, engage the relays!"

Spike threw two fat switches and several of the indicators on the panel showed green! "Relays engaged!"

"Excellent!" Twilight shouted over the wind that whistled around her. "Rainbow Dash!"

A multicolored head popped up over the thundercloud. "Yeah!"

Twilight double checked to make sure she was insulated, then yelled "Give me a big bolt right to the tip of the antenna!"

The world turned white and there was an immense explosion as a thunderbolt ripped from the cloud to strike the array. She looked down at an indicator panel. "Again! More power!" The next bolt sizzled and struck the antenna. "One more, give it all you've got!"

Dashie grunted as she powered into the cloud hoof-first. A bolt nearly as thick as the trunk of the tree leaped to the metal poles and coils and sparks flew as the tremendous blast rattled windows throughout Ponyville. Twilight looked at her panel. "Yes! Yes!! It's alive!!!"

Spike cranked the platform back down and closed the roof as Twilight made measurements of the dough ball with a set of calipers. "Pinkie Pie, the dough is now rising. It has increased a full centimeter in diameter already." She took the bowl and hoofed it over to her friend. "Now, go make some pretzels."

Pinkie squealed with joy. "Thankyouthankyouthankyou Twilight!" She sped off, her thanks to Spike and Rainbow Dash red-shifting into a lower octave.

"Need me for anything else or can I get some Zs?" Dash poked her head into the lab door as Twilight divested herself of her science gear.

"Thanks Dashie, job well done. Thanks to you too Spike." Spike chortled and dry-washed his claws. "We saved the day! Now let's try to get a few more hours of sleep. Of course, we did just wake up the whole town... maybe if I could design something to store the charge so we could use the Reanimatrix 5000 more quietly..." she put her lab coat back on. "You guys get some sleep."

______

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Twilight looked up from her calculations. "What the hay is it now?" She sighed and took off her lab coat.

BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANG!!!

"I wonder how high up the disaster scale this one is, maybe between milk curdling and an incoming asteroid?"

Clickety-click went the claws. Clackety-clack when the latch. Whakity-whack went the dragon and the Pink Terror again stood perched on Twilight's chest. She breathed hard but didn't say anything.

"Pinkie? What is it? What's the threat level?" Twilight used her magic to lift her friend off and got off her back, shaking the static-charged dust from her wings.

"I... I don't have a threat level for this one. It isn't on the scale." Pinkie looked shaken.

"What is it?"

BOOM!

The floor, whatever material it was made of, shook.

BOOM!

It was getting closer. She heard the panicked shrieks of ponies. Twilight rushed up the stairs to the front entrance and looked outside. The early morning gloom lit the town, revealing...

BOOM!

A twenty-five foot tall dough beast, its stomping shaking the town. Ponies going to their early-morning jobs ran pell-mell. Others screamed and slammed doors and shutters. The beast roared, a bakery smell permeating the morning air with delicious malignancy.

Pinkie ran up next to Twilight. "I totally didn't see this coming," she said, glancing in the direction of the reader.

"How did it get so big?" Twilight goggled at the creature, which was looking right at Pinkie.

"Well, by the time I got it to the kitchen, the dough was already fully risen, so I went to get the rolling pin and came back and the bowl was empty and there was this crashing from the pantry and I went in there and it was eating the flour and eggs and drinking the milk and it started getting bigger and bigger and then I said to myself that I needed to get it out of the kitchen before it cleaned us out so I poked it with a spoon and ate some muffins where it could see me and I think maybe they were its cousins because that made it angry and it chased me outside and..."

BOOM!

"...its coming after me help me please, Twilight!" Pinkie finished her machine-gun run-on sentence as the dough beast lumbered towards them.

"OK Pinkie, just stay here. I'll take care of it!" Twilight launched herself at the monstrosity as Spike came up beside Pinkie. "Hey you, leave Pinkie alone!"

The beast roared at her, shaking a squishy fist. Twilight swooped in and blasted with her horn, striking the fist, and hushpuppies flew from where the bolt had hit. Better get this thing out of town, fast! Now that she had its attention, she flew off towards the edge of the forest, away from ponies who could be hurt or structures that could be collapsed by the colossal confection.

It charged after her, shaking the earth with its mighty strides. That thing is pretty fast! I'll have to tell Pinkie that her dough is a bit on the runny side. Within a moment it had caught up with her where the brushes and shrubs were growing out from the woodline, the landscape dappled in the warming morning sun.

It turned its head back to where Pinkie and Spike still stood outside the fortress. Oh no you don't! Twilight pulled back a branch with her telekinesis and snapped it back in the monster's face, eliciting a roar. The creature, more angry than hurt, swatted at the alicorn, threatening her with battery, but Twilight twisted and dodged the attack. "You'll have to do better than that!" she taunted, as she blasted a baker's dozen of donuts out of its side, flitting between trees on the forest verge.

Leaves and branches flew as the monster lashed out at Twilight, a puff of flour dusting her face as a massive fist swung past. The next strike was going to hit her and she heard Pinkie and Spike gasp, but she shielded the attack just in time. Even so, the mass behind the strike threw her back to the trees and she narrowly avoided banging her head on the thick bole of an oak.

The kitchen creation howled its frustration and reached down inside of itself, pulling out a massive blob of sticky dough. It hurled it at Twilight, who was not expecting such an attack and was struck in the head, the gooey mass pinning her to the tree. The beast cackled and reached for her. Twilight's eyes widened in panic as she struggled to free her horn, the monster lumbering towards her with malicious intent. "No, please! I have a gluten sensitivity!" The creature laughed evilly.

"Hold it right there, you big meanie! Nopony threatens my friend with intestinal discomfort!" Pinkie and Spike, moving at top speed from the moment they saw that Twilight in trouble, interposed themselves between the dough and its intended prey. "Now, Spike!"

Spike breathed green fire and the creature's outstretched arm darkened and hardened. It cried in anguish and rage, forgetting about Twilight. Pinkie leaped forward and... CRUNCH! The beast's baked arm vanished. It looked in shock at the stump. "Again, Spike!"

Green fire blossomed and Pinkie's teeth flashed and the cries of pain and anger diminished as the beast was consumed. Finally, all that was left on the field of battle was Pinkie Pie, her distended stomach, and a few crumbs. Twilight freed herself with a pop, blasting the last of the dough into a mass of funnel cakes. "My favorite!" Spike jumped on them, delivering the coup de grace.

"You guys saved me! Thanks Pinkie, Spike. That was really quick thinking."

Spike polished his claws with an air of insouciance as Pinkie rolled herself into an upright position. "It was my fault, Twilight, for not trying to deal with my problem myself."

"No Pinkie, you can always ask me for help, any time. It was my fault for conducting an experiment without proper safety measures in place. And I'm the princess. Ultimately, I am the one who is responsible." They both turned to look at Spike.

"Don't look at me! This wasn't my fault!" The two ponies nodded reluctantly.

"So, Pinkie, what are you going to do about Mr. Vanderhoof's pretzels?"

"Oh Twilight, I can't do anything about the pretzels now. I guess I just have to disappoint him." Her face fell, then she recovered. "We certainly tried our hardest though, didn't we?"

Twilight smiled. "Yes Pinkie, and that's what's most important." She bid her friend goodbye as Pinkie rolled away, and took Spike back into the Fortress of Friendship, muttering something about copper, zinc, valences and electron shells.

______

Pinkie glanced up at the clock as it reached eight. The bell rang as the store door opened, and Mr. Vanderhoof, an older, dark coated unicorn with a gray mane, walked in. "Good morning, Miss Pinkie Pie! Do you have my usual?"

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Vanderhoof. The pretzels... didn't work out this morning. I hope you aren't too disappointed." Pinkie looked like she wanted to throw herself at his hooves and beg forgiveness.

"Oh, that's alright, I was getting into a rut anyway. How about some chocolate-covered almonds instead?"

Thump!

Mr. Vanderhoof leaned over the counter, looking with concern and confusion at Pinkie Pie who was, of course, passed out on the floor.

______

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that it is alright to disappoint somepony once in a while, as long as you do your best. Most of the time, the other pony will be understanding, and sometimes it opens up the door for new possibilities. I also learned that Twilight has a gluten sensitivity, so I will be making a portion of my baked goods gluten-free for her and for any other ponies that may need it.

Your faithful subject,

Pinkie Pie

P.S. Do you know where I can get gluten-free flour?

Author's Note:

I wanted to see how I would do with slice of life. Please let me know how I did! Thanks!

Edited. Thanks to Superluminous for the suggestions!

Comments

[Pteri]

It was a recipe for disaster, a tablespoon of one big mess.

[Arthelis]

"I totally didn't see this coming," she said, glancing in the direction of the reader.

...

...
You should read the chapter before Pinkie.

[Superluminous]

[INSERT WITTY BAKED GOODS JOKE HERE]

Overall, a good story that I enjoyed enough to give a like. I just have a few things I feel need saying, though not acted upon in this story.

There were some parts of the story in which the jokes about stereotypes and baking puns were a bit too forced, sacrificing some quality to add some unnecessary humour. Nothing worth losing sleep over and I'm not telling you where exactly so you don't feel the need to change it. It's fine and didn't ruin the story for me.

I felt that the fight at the end could have been used much more effectively. I would normally see this as an issue and lose interest, but it turned out well. It wasn't long enough, which I only have a slight problem with. The reason I noticed it at all was that you could have used the fight to your advantage as an author. There are many possibilities you could have exploited, thus adding some creative flair. That could have been a longer, much more intense climax to this story of yours, and I can't help but feel slightly cheated. It was a slightly unsatisfying yet not story-ruining scene. Trying to change it now could help, yes, but could also harm it. Don't alter it now, but please try keeping that in mind if or when you next write a fight scene. It might have made that like of mine a favourite.

Now, for some nicer things to say.

I want to congratulate you, the author, for being creative. That alone is something to be proud of. There aren't many who could write something entertaining and of high quality and post it on the Internet for anyone to see. It doesn't seem like much from your position, but it really is fantastic.

Whoever edited this, be they a high-quality editor or proofreader with skill and dedication, or you, the author behind it, did a great job. I saw no glaring grammatical errors and, while I wasn't looking for them, I was surprised to find none at all. That's either good proofreading or you were sneaky with your mistakes. I'm certainly not going to go back and try finding one to rant about. Be happy. I am happy.

Also, I have nothing else to say.

You wrote a good story and should be proud of it. If my comments annoyed you or seemed unfair, tell me. I'm trying to be nicer than usual, but telling me when I'm failing can only help. Well, that or annoy me.

I'm done.

[Superluminous]

In looking back over that comment, I noticed two things.
First, I was too nice. Shit.
Second, it wasn't grammatically perfect. I'm sorry, but I can't fix it. Keeps crashing Safari when I try. This sucks.

[Dinkledash]

4560566 Thanks, I guess maybe I was reaching on "cruel cruller." It would probably have been better to leave the puns in the exposition and out of the dialog, except for Pinkie of course who can't help it. And yeah, I guess I could have added some more drama in the climax, but I wanted it to be a slice of life/comedy, not an adventure/comedy. I mean, it wasn't bad for something I turned out in a couple of hours, at least I don't think so. I'm trying to unfocus a bit from my bigger, darker story, Twilight's Dawn, and my bigger, more random story Harold and Kumar Go To Equestria, neither of which are appropriate for general audiences, and which have gotten a few downvotes.

Still, I will take what you said to heart. I appreciate praise like any author, but I value criticism. Thanks!

[Dinkledash]

4560579 OK, you can let loose with some additional criticism if you like, and as far as safari goes, complain to her.

[Dinkledash]

4560031 Ah.

[TheSundewOrder]

That was hilarious! I struggle with slice of life/comedy stories as well so well done! And it's really original. For a moment there, I thought reading a story entitled 'Pretzels' was gonna lead me into another 'Cupcakes' dilemma... thank god I went through with it. I could've missed out on this gem of a story!!

[Dinkledash]

4561440 Well, a Cupcakes knock-off wouldn't have gotten approved with an Everyone tag, at least it shouldn't have. Thanks for your kind words! I was just eating some pretzels last night, thinking, what to write about...

[Superluminous]

Cool. I got around to reading it again. Noticed a couple of things.

First, the new fight scene is much better than the old one. I hope you see how much is possible with these things. You can write a fight scene in a few minutes, true, but if it's not used well, it may a well not be there at all. Originally, its sole purpose was to move the story along and bring you to the end. That's not how it should be treated and, though I suggested leaving it alone, I'm glad you went ahead and made something of it.

Second. I actually looked at the grammar in the story this time. I spotted some places where a comma might have been nice. Again, not listing them here because I don't want to have to search. If you want, I can PM you with some pointers, but I might not be done quickly. Up to you, really.

Third, I thought about the ending a bit. There was no public reaction to the events of, say, an hour or so prior to the scene in the shop. It is a perfect ending as it is and I'm just looking for ways to complain at this point, but I thought it odd. It doesn't change anything and I don't think it worth your time to write the reactions. I'm just conjuring issues that really don't exist. Whatever. Do as you wish, guy. It's your story.

I find it really hard to be an asshole to you. I guess I'm used to people being ignorant assholes that hand me ammo. It's good to see that not everyone is like that. I still enjoy insulting people without them realising it, though. Y u riun te funn!!?&

[Superluminous]

Ugh. I really hate myself now. Mistakes in that comment that I can't fix. Stupid iOS Safari.

Also me.

[Dinkledash]

4564888 I look at this sort of slice of life as situation comedy, and in a sitcom, one of the essential elements is that at the end of the story, all is as it was at the beginning of the story, more or less. This was meant to be drama free, light reading after all.

And I really did appreciate that kick in the ass about shortchanging you with the last fight scene. I was just being lazy because I wanted to hit the Publish button already...

[Superluminous]

4564920
Okay. I follow one rule in life:
If you know the rules, feel free to break them. Otherwise, learn them and how to follow them. Do not break them unknowingly. Don't let yourself break them unknowingly.

I mention this because you clearly know what you're doing. I appreciate that you were sticking to a format. You're allowed skip things like the reactions if you know and acknowledge that you're doing so.

Well done. You have my respect.

Meaningless, really, but you have it.

[Manaphy]

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Grammar Score: 9
Pros:
The prose is delightful. I loved the onomatopoeia and how it gave the story more life.
Pinkie Pie is written in character, as is everyone else. Given how tough it is for even the show's writers to write Pinkie, this is excellent.
The premise is fun and sounds like something that would fit in perfectly in the world of FiM.
Cons:
Some of the sentences are spaced too far apart in my opinion. It's nothing major, and if you want to keep it that way, I'm more than okay with that.
Notes:
This was an excellent story and deserves much more attention. It was funny, well-written, and my only complaints are just minor nitpicks. I'd love to read your future works, so keep it up.

[Dinkledash]

4636808 Thank you very much! Now I just have to survive the hurricane...

[FluttershyBeingDom]

I'll check this out later when Im not so tired lol Ill try to in the morning.

[FluttershyBeingDom]

It was silly, I like it.

Um I guess theres a format for Authors Helping Authors
But you saw how bad I was at grammar I can't help you there.

Pros: Food jokes lol. Her dough was runny, somehow took me a second to understand that one lol.
Cons: .. Um.. Twilight didn't zap pretzels out of it? lol

You put alot of effort into my story reveiw tho

But yeah Twilight could have zapped some pretzels out of the dough that stuck her to the tree lol. It wouldn't impact the ending. Or the ending you could have done like, he wanted a funnel cake or doughnuts, that happened to fly off the monster lol.

Idk I'm horrible with grammar, I prefer ideas. But my ideas right now are half off topic lol.

[Dinkledash]

4642600 I figured it was just kind of random and they'd get anything BUT pretzels. :-) thanks for the ideas though!

[FanOfMostEverything]

Well, that was enjoyably silly. Thank you for it. Remember, folks, never raise the dead where you eat. It's just not sanitary.

[HackamoreHalter]

Hello, there. I very recently joined Authors Helping Authors, and I'm working my way through as many stories as I can, which is how I ended up at this little gem.

There's very little criticism I can offer here. I've noticed a few missing commas, which isn't much of a sin. One in particular I recall was in Twilight's internal monologue during the fight, something along the lines of a "Oh no you don't!" that could probably use the loving caress of a comma. I could pick more out if you'd like, but again it didn't particularly detract from the story. I did wonder about your usage of Rainbow Dash. It seems to me she'd value her sleep and be a little more of an effort to convince, unless it there was trouble or it was a matter of loyalty. As for the battle, it could use a little more of the goodness we saw in the season finale of the show. Twilight is positively badass at teleports, even before she had alicorn magic to beef her up.

There was a lot here that drew a smile, nay, an outright chortle from me. You've an excellent handle on comedic writing and timing, even for little details such as the minor brick joke with the Friendship Fortress floor. The pacing of the story felt good, not getting caught up or cutting any parts short. I especially approve of how you referenced Lesson Zero, with Twilight actually learning and following a life lesson from the episode. And we got to see a little more of mad scientist Twilight, which I've been missing since she tried to figure out Pinkie Sense. Anything Twilight does that builds upon her frightening intellect and evil science lab can only lead to good times.

So, a solid story and I thoroughly enjoyed it. You've earned this like. Well done.

Thanks for writing,

-Hack

[Dinkledash]

4807711 Wow, what a great review! Yes, I am proud of this little story, but now that you mention it, I did rather neglect Rainbow Dash. I only used her to make some lightning bolts. I could definitely add a bit where Spike is trying to wake her up... for that matter if he needs to wake her up, he may need some help if she's up in a cloud somewhere.

Let me go to AHA and see what story of your's you want reviewed and I'll give it a read and a write-up.

[trombrony98]

This'post is made on behalf of the group Authors Helping Authors. ( sorry about this lack of a link, tablets don't make linking easy.)
Grammar: 9
Pros:
This story has to be among the funniest I've read so far on the sight.
The story feels well paced, and doesn't take too much time on exposition.
Recognition of Pinkie's uncanny ability to squeeze into impossibly small spaces equals awesome.
Cons:
The writing of Pinkie felt a little off, but managed to keep her in character.
The monster could have been eased into the story a bit more smoothly.
Notes:
Overall, a very well written piece. I personally can't get Pinkie right, so I'm glad to see someone else who can write her relatively well. I hope to see more work like this out of you! You've earned a fave and up vote.

[Dinkledash]

4907928 Thanks! Love the review!

[Neildoc]

INVASION OF THE PRETZEL DOUGH BEAST! AAAAAAAAA! very funny and well
written. I can sympathize with her having a gluten condition. my sister has one
as well. I would love to see a sequel to this very hilarious tail. keep up the good
work. also, MysteryMare, try a 100-pound gallon drum of total clusterfuck. (wink)

[Dinkledash]

5718426 Thanks, I think with 39-0 I'll submit to EQD and see what they think.

Update: They didn't care for it.