Anon's Kid

by SwiftM0nkey

Vivian the Satyr

As you sit on the couch stroking your cock, a knock is heard on the door.

You stop petting Jimmy, your pet rooster, and go answer the door. When you open it, a horrendous creature stands there. Some half human half pony freak stands in front of you. The upper half is human and the lower half is pony.

It opens it's mouth and asks, "Daddy?"

You blink a few times and start to close the door, "You have the wrong house."

When you try to shut the door, a yellow hoof blocks it. The door opens again and Fluttershy is there with the monster.

"Ahem. Anon, let us in. We have to talk."

You put your hands on your hips, "How about you explain yourself right here?"

She sighs.

"Fine. Remember that night at Pinkie's party a few years ago?"

"It was a little hazy, but I do remember having a good time-"

She cuts you off and nods, "Exactly."

Your eyes go wide as you draw the connections. She's the only thing that looks human in this world besides you... And she's stupid.

"YOU'RE KIDDING RIGHT?! PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE FUCKING KIDDING?!"

She shakes her head. You gulp, then look at the thing again. A little bit of drool is coming from it's mouth.

"U-Um... What's wrong with... Him?"

"Vivian is a girl. And I don't know, the doctors said that it was because of the cross species fornication."

The grotesque thing sips up the line of drool into her mouth well after it touches the ground, slurping in the beetle that her saliva picked up as well.

"Anyway, since you ARE the father, you have to watch her."

"WHAT THE FUCK?! WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST KILL THIS THING?!"

Fluttershy glares at you.

"SHE'S NOT A THING! And I need to do some errands and don't want her to be alone in the house again."

She looks down a little bit.

"Last time I trusted her to stay alone for twenty minutes, I had to take her to the hospital to get her stomach pumped because she thought the dish soap was a new flavor of Kool-Aid..."

Your eyes go wide, “Holy shit.”

...why do they make those colored anyway?

"Anyway, I'll be back later today. Oh and I'll send over Rainbow and Twilight to make sure she isn't dead by the time I get here."

You roll your eyes as she flies away, “Well gee, thanks for believing in me.”

You look down at Vivian, a little shocked at this whole ordeal.

"So um... Want to come inside?"

She nods, but doesn't move. Both of you just stand there.

She looks up at you and asks, "Can I come inside?"

"Uhhh... Okay?"

"Thank you!"

She walks past you into the house. Of course she goes straight for Jimmy.

"It's a doggy!"

"No that's not a-"

He pecks at her fingers when she tries to pat his head. She turns to you with a scared expression on her face. Then her eyes close. She throws her head back and lets out a loud wail.

"DAMN IT JIMMY! GO TO YOUR ROOM!"

Jimmy screeches like the cock he is and hops up each stair in anger. Fucking kids.

"Hey hey um... Vivian was it? Come here."

She runs over to you, her pony legs clopping against the hardwood floor on each step. She wraps her arms around you.

"That w-was scary... He hurted me."

You correct her, "You mean he hurt you."

"Yeah. He hurterted me."

You grab her hand and show it to her.

"Look, you're fine! You've still got all your fingers."

She sniffs, "O-Okay... What's for lunch?"

Well that was a quick mood change.

"Um... What do you want?"

Vivian lets go of you and stands back, looking up with an innocent gaze, "I asked mommy that. She said child support. What's child support daddy?"

"It's a terrible thing that will make it so daddy doesn't have a house anymore."

She looks at you confused.

"Why would mommy want that?"

You shrug instead of calling Fluttershy a crazy bitch. A knock is heard on the door.

You shout to the door, "Come in!"

The door opens and Rainbow and Twilight walk in. Twilight smiles upon seeing Vivian and comes over to talk. Rainbow, however, is keeping her distance. She might not like the fact that Fluttershy cheated on her with you. You are the alien of this place. And you sure as hell wouldn't cheat on a girlfriend if an alien tempted you.

Well... IF you ever had a girlfriend. Or if the alien was like smokin' hot or something. With giant alien titties. Seven of them.

"Anon?"

You snap out of your day dream when Twilight calls, "Hello?"

"Yo, what's up?"

"Can you help me make lunch for Vivian and us?"

"Sure I guess."

You follow her into the kitchen, leaving Vivian with Rainbow. As soon as you're around the corner and into the kitchen, Twilight pins you to the fridge.

Her tone becomes threatening, "Look here, Anon. This is your daughter and I don't want you to treat her like anything less."

"Does that really matter? Can't I just treat her like a normal person? Even though she's totally not-"

Twilight smacks you across the face with a hoof.

"What the fuck Twilight?"

"I'm not sure you heard me. I SAID don't treat her like anything less. Understand?"

"Fine..."

She rolls her eyes.

"Go back out there and be her daddy. Even if it's only for one day."

You sigh, “Yeah whatever...”

You go out there and see Rainbow sitting on the couch reading a magazine while Vivian is hanging by her tail on the ceiling fan just giggling to herself as she spins around.

"OH SHIT!"

Rainbow shrugs as you go get Vivian down from there. When you place her back on the ground, she giggles and her eyes won't stop spinning.

You look at Rainbow, "What the hell is your problem?!"

She stands up, walks over to you, and motions for you to lean down.

When you lean down, she whispers, "Look, I know you don't like this thing any more than I do. Why don't we just... Get rid of it?"

"But Flutters said-"

"We can make it look like an accident."

You think for a few seconds. She probably has some kind of crippling brain damage and won't live a normal life anyway... So why not?

"Alright..."

This might be fucked up, but she's practically suffering anyway. You look at her to see she's gnawing at the couch.

Turn your attention back to Rainbow, "How we gonna go about doing this?"

"Maybe a trip to the construction site, or a walk through the Everfree forest..."

"That's kinda dark."

She stomps her hooves and glares at you, "WELL MURDER ISN'T EXACTLY A LIGHT THING, ANON."

Twilight enters the conversation, "What's this about murder?"

Both of you turn to her. She's giving you the same look she was when she smacked you.

Thinking quickly, you respond, "Um, we were talking about crows! A murder of crows!"

She narrows her eyelids, "Alright... Well lunch is ready!"

Vivian comes running over, trips over her own hoof, and smashes her face into a pile of shit.

Twilight cries out, "Oh no!"

She goes to pick her up while Rainbow walks past. Wait a second...

"WHY IS THERE SHIT ON THE FLOOR?!"

Twilight turns to you while levitating Vivian, "You don't even care if your own daughter is hurt?!"

"THERE WAS SHIT ON MY FLOOR! SOMETHING SHAT ON MY FUCKING FLOOR!"

Twilight huffs and then turns to walk away. When she does, you see Vivian's butt is covered in shit.

“Oh hell...”

You turn around and inspect the area for shit stains. There's some next to the couch, a little bit on the couch, a huge pile on the carpet, and a streak that leads to where she faceplanted.

And just how did you miss this before? You look down the hallway and see Rainbow making a slit throat motion. Oh right. Murder. You groan and go into the kitchen to grab the cleaning supplies.

...

Once the living room is a poop free zone once again, you go into the dining room. Rainbow sits on one end of the table and Twilight sits next to Vivian, helping her eat her food. A plate of sandwiches is there on the table. You sit down and grab one.

As soon as you're about to bite down, Vivian screams. You look at her. She is staring at your sandwich. You notice she has three of them in front of her.

"Eat the ones in front of you Vivian."

You bring the sandwich to your mouth again and Vivian lets out an extremely loud screech.

"Anon just give her the sandwich!"

"No!"

You glare at Vivian.

"Be quiet!"

She cries louder.

"Anon, give it to her!"

Rainbow eats a sandwich in complete silence. Vivian cries even louder. Twilight screams for you to give Vivian your sandwich.

You finally snap, "VIVIAN! SHUT THE FUCK UP AND EAT YOUR OWN DAMN SANDWICHES! THIS IS DADDY'S SANDWICH YOU LITTLE SHIT!"

Then as all three of them stare at you in shock and a little bit of fear, you take a bite of the sandwich. A terrible taste enters your mouth. When you look down, you see flowers inside of the sandwich. Damn it.

Good thing Vivian stopped crying though. She eats her sandwich, occasionally looking up at you in fear that you'll yell again.

Twilight sighs, "Are you happy? You've gone and scared her! And for what? Some sandwich you don't even like?"

She continues, "I was trying to tell you that your sandwiches were in the kitchen! But noooo, you had to be Mr. Big Bad Anon and scream at a child."

"What do you want me to do then?!"

"Apologize to Vivian."

"...what."

"You heard me."

"I'm not apologizing to her, she was the greedy one here. If anything she should apologize to me."

Twilight furrows her brow, "I said... Apologize."

"No."

"Apologize NOW."

"Nope."

She charges her horn up and aims at you.

"APOLOGIZE TO YOUR DAUGHTER THIS INSTANT!"

"ALRIGHT ALRIGHT! I'm sorry Vivian."

Twilight adds, "Sorry for what?"

You roll your eyes, "Ugh... I'm sorry for yelling at you Vivian."

Twilight smiles and stops charging her horn.

"That's better. Now give her a hug."

Vivian puts her arms up toward you when Twilight says that.

You shake your head and get up to leave, “That's too much.”

A blast of magic is fired at your ass, burning it worse than taco night at Pinkie's place.

"SHIT, ALRIGHT!"

You run over to Vivian and hug her. She giggles as she is in your embrace, the teal eyes she got from her mother widening as she looks up at you. Aww... Maybe she isn't so bad.

A gurgle sound is heard and then something warm runs down your chest. You hold her away from your body and see vomit on your shirt.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

Twilight giggles, “Aww, she had a little accident.”

You put her down and walk out of the room, mumbling to yourself, “Accident my ass...”

You walk up the stairs and into your room, then strip down and enter the shower. Fucking stupid kids, ruining everything. Who would even want kids? Who wants stupid things that ruin everything? Masochists?

You finish up your shower and head out. After giving a nod to Jimmy as you get dressed, you go back downstairs. Twilight is sitting on the couch with Vivian and Rainbow.

Rainbow nods to you and then turns to Twilight, "Hey Twilight, want to take Vivian to the lake?"

Twilight lightly shakes her head, "I'm not sure she can swim."

Rainbow excitedly responds, "Well that's alright! We can teach her!"

Twilight looks at you, then Rainbow as both of you put on your best fake enthusiasm faces.

She then smiles and stands up, "Oh alright."

Vivian gets up off the couch and walks over to you.

She holds her hands up to you, "Up?"

You are about to say no when Twilight makes a cough noise. Looking at her, you see her glaring and ready to fire a blast of magic again. Psychotic bitch.

"Okay, up we go."

You bend down and scoop her up in your arms. She giggles as you lift her up. You follow after Rainbow as she leaves the house. Twilight shuts the door behind her.

You look at Vivian as you hold her, "If you shit on me, I'll end you."

She laughs and hugs your neck, "Daddy funny!"

She nuzzles her head on your neck and Twilight smiles. You'd be lying if you said you didn't find this a bit adorable. Hopefully she doesn't vomit, piss, or shit herself.

You manage to make it to the lake without any accidents. Pull your head away from Vivian to see that she's actually sleeping.

Twilight smiles, "Aww... How cute."

"Shut up Twilight."

You nudge Vivian a little bit.

"Vivian. It's time to wake up. We're at the lake now."

She opens her eyes slowly. You watch as they go wide.

"Lake! Lake! Yay!"

You put her down on the beach and she breaks off to an awkward sprint down to the water.

Twilight smiles, "Aww, look at her go!"

Vivian hits the water and keeps going in. She runs until her head submerges. Tiny bubbles come up to the surface.

Rainbow smirks, "Aww, look at her drown."

You try not to smile as Twilight runs down there to save Vivian from drowning in four feet of water. You approach as well to make it seem like you actually care about her. Twilight comes out of the water levitating Vivian with her.

You ask, "So she can't swim then?"

Twilight looks pissed, "What do you think?!"

“...Yyyyeeesss?”

Twilight gives you a mean look, “If I wasn't here to make sure she didn't get hurt, I would do so much to you.”

Rainbow interrupts by making a huge splash in the water, "Come on in you guys, the water is great."

Twilight screams back at Rainbow, "VIVIAN CAN'T SWIM!"

You nudge the irritable purple pony, "Make her float Twilight. You've got the magic."

Twilight puts a hoof to her chin.

...

Vivian is now in the middle of the lake with two pink magical auras on her arms which somehow keep her floating. Twilight is swimming with her just in case the spell fails, and Rainbow is floating on her back. If there's any time to try to stage Vivian's death, this would be it.

You dive into the water and swim down to the bottom of the lake. After you scan the area under water to see if you're being watched, you grab a decent sized rock and swim up with it.

When you emerge from the water, you take a deep breath. Alright, now how to do this? You swim close to Vivian and Twilight with the rock under one arm.

"Hey Vivian!"

She turns to you with a huge smile on her face, "Daddy!"

You wave her over with your free arm, "Come and swim to daddy!"

She kicks and flails her limbs, making herself move toward you, "Daddy! Daddy I'm swimming!"

Twilight watches with a smile on her face, “See, I knew you would be a great father if you just took the time to get to know her!"

She makes it to you, "I did it daddy!"

"Good job! Now hold this for me."

You bring the rock up to her hands and she grabs it. You let go and she sinks down into the water.

Twilight yells at you, "ANON!"

She then dives down underwater and blasts the rock with a beam of magic. Vivian floats back up to you and starts coughing out water. Twilight emerges as well and glares at you.

Rainbow floats by, looking disappointed, "She almost drowned!"

Twilight isn't paying attention to her as she takes Vivian to the shore. You and Rainbow follow close behind her. When on the shore, Vivian has just finished coughing up water.

Twilight turns to you angrily, "She could have died!"

"I know. That's why I did it. The world is a shitty place Twilight. Think about it, what if she wants to go to college?"

Rainbow nods, “Look at him, he can't afford college.”

“Exactly. I can't afford anything nice for this adorable little shit.”

Rainbow picks up a large rock and holds it above Vivian's head.

"Anon is right. Vivian, I'm so sorry."

Twilight stops the rock from crushing Vivian's skull with her magic.

She yells at you, "Nopony is going to college!"

She throws the rock into the water as Vivian stands up.

"When Vivian is older, she learn how to live in this world. And that certainly won't happen if you KILL HER! And-"

As Twilight rambles on about things that don't matter to you, you think of ways to kill your daughter.

With an idea ripe in your mind, you shout out, "Who wants to go to the Zoo?!"

Twilight angrily responds, "Anon! Stop changing the subje-"

Vivian jumps up and runs over to you, "I wanna Zoo! Up!"

You pick her up and look at Twilight, "Look Twilight. She wants to Zoo."

Twilight grinds her teeth.

You mimic her voice earlier, "You don't want to upset her do you?"

She rolls her eyes and then turns around, "Come on then."

Vivian screams in your ear, "YAY! ZOO!"

Putting on your best fake smile, you head off with Twilight and Rainbow. As you walk, you decide to get Vivian even more excited.

You look at her, "So you want to go to the Zoo right?"

"Yes! I like Zoo!"

"That's good! We're gonna go see all those dangerous animals that could probably kill anything within a matter of seconds!"

You wink at Rainbow. She winks back.

Twilight turns to you as she walks, "I don't think that's something little Vivian needs to hear at her age."

A light snore is heard. All of you look to see that Vivian is asleep in your arms again. She's kinda cute like that... Just then, her tail lifts and you feel her cheeks flex.

*PPTPTBLLLBTHTTHPTLTH*

"I THINK IT'S TWILIGHT'S TURN TO HOLD VIVIAN."

Twilight looks back when her name is called to see you throw Vivian at her. She catches her with magic and then glares at you.

"What is your problem?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

She huffs and then places Vivian on her back. A few minutes later, you arrive at the Zoo. It's pretty cool how most of the stuff in this town is free, unlike back home. Vivian jolts awake when a lion roars.

"AAAAAHHHH-Oh hey, a kitty!"

You pat her head, "That's right, a kitty. Do you want to go see the kitty?"

She nods and the three of you walk over to the lion pit. You set Vivian down on the ground so she can look over the railing. Twilight taps Rainbow on the side. She has an uncomfortable look on her face.

"I have to use the restroom. Please make sure nothing happens to Vivian."

Rainbow Dash stands tall, "You have my word, Twi."

She nods and then rushes off to the bathroom, “Please watch Anon!”

You poke Rainbow on the side, "Hey Rainbow, do you think Vivian would like the bears or the lions more?"

She puts a hoof on her chin, "Hmmm... I think the bears."

"Hey Vivian, want to go see the bears?"

Vivian wears an excited expression as she screams, "Bears bears! I wanna see the bears!"

You pick her up and calm her, "Easy easy! We're going to see the bears."

Rainbow walks over to the bear pit and then waves a hoof for you to come over as well. When you do, you look over the edge. It's about a six foot drop to the bottom. Maybe that would do the job. It's either that, or the five bears down there.

Rainbow looks at you, "Ready?"

You quickly look around. None of the other ponies have taken interest in you.

Nod to Rainbow, "Ready."

You lift Vivian over the edge of the railing.

She looks at you a bit confused as to what you're doing, "Daddy?"

You drop her. In your stupidity, you didn't hold her out far enough, so her back leg hits the edge of the railing, sending her spinning. She flips forward in the air, smacking her head against the rocks that lay along the bottom. After the impact, she is completely motionless.

Rainbow looks down into the pit and then back up at you, “It looks like it's done.”

You both stare at each other for a few seconds, unsure if what you have just done has really been done. The sound of a bear growling is heard. Breaking the stare with Rainbow, you look into the pit. A bear is approaching Vivian while licking it's lips.

You don't want to have a kid. Kids ruin everything. You wanted to get rid of her. This is what you wanted. Isn't it? Then why do you feel so awful about this?

You mumble to yourself, “This isn't right.”

Rainbow looks at you, but says nothing.

Even if she's stupid, annoying, disgusting, and a freak, she's still your daughter! Without another thought, you vault over the railing.

Rainbow yells out and tries to reach for you, "ANON NO!"

You land on your feet in front of the bear, then rush over and pick up Vivian. There's a cut on her head, but it doesn't look too bad. Hopefully she'll be okay... What the fuck were you thinking?

The roar of two bears breaks your attention from Vivian. Two of the bears are slowly walking toward you.

"Nice bears... Niiiice bears..."

One of them tries to slash at you. It barely catches you and cuts along your abs. Your blood immediately begins to make stains in your shirt. The bears back you into the corner.

You yell up to Rainbow, "RAINBOW! HELP ME!"

You look up and see her frozen in fear.

"YOU STUPID CUNT, COME HELP!"

A bear paw cracks you in the side of the head and the world goes dark.

You awake to a constant beep. You're now laying in a hospital room. Nurse Redheart touches your forehead with a damp paper towel.

She smiles as she does her work, "Don't you move now. You're on bed rest for the next few weeks because of your injuries."

"Alright... Is Vivian okay?"

"Why don't you ask her yourself?"

She opens the door and Vivian runs in with a bandage around her head.

She looks happy as she jumps up onto the bed, "DADDY!"

She wraps your body in a tight hug.

You flinch as she does so, "Ow..."

She stops, "Sorry."

Fluttershy comes walking through the door. Behind her is a guilty looking Rainbow and an angry Twilight.

Fluttershy walks up to you as you lay on the bed, "I gave you one job Anon... Just watch our kid."

She sighs.

"And what happens? I have to come and save you both from getting eaten by bears!"

She furrows her brow, "You're the worst father ever."

She turns around and heads for the door, "Come on Vivian."

Vivian doesn't move, she stays right by your side. Fluttershy turns around and glares at her.

"Vivian, come here now. We're leaving."

Vivian shakes her head, "I wanna say goodbye to daddy."

She turns to you and kisses your forehead.

Then she jumps off the bed and waves lightly to you, "Bye daddy."

You wave back, "Bye."

Vivian gets on Fluttershy's back. As she walks out, she waves to you again.
...Maybe kids aren't so bad.

Author's Note:

For Father's Day.

Comments

[The Infinity Doctor]

Not sure how I feel about this one...I don't like Anon at the beginning because he was such a jerk to Vivian, but at the same time, I like it because it's...well...it's good, to be perfectly honest- not good that he acted that way towards his daughter, but good because he learned to love her. I look forward to more if you decide to extend it

[Mortal Kombat]

that first line made me spit out my drink.

[silvadel]

Obviously "Daddy" lost a few IQ points down there in the bear pit.

[Arthelis]

Anon is the best daddy!!!

[Mortal Kombat]

I would have thrown twilight out of my house.

[atomic nom]

Yes, seven boobs. No more, no less, has to be seven

[SwiftM0nkey]

4555591

[chrismonteith]

mixed feelings about this one

[JonathanLightningstorm]

4555591 THIS! I like the Mane Six, but their portrayal in this fic is way off!

[Anonymous77]

Stumbled upon this story while reading some of your other fics and I'm glad I did. It was very funny throughout the story and didn't give my sides a break throughout.
Also,

Twilight turns to you angrily, "She could have died!"
"I know. That's why I did it. The world is a shitty place Twilight. Think about it, what if she wants to go to college?"
Rainbow nods, “Look at him, he can't afford college.”
“Exactly. I can't afford anything nice for this adorable little shit.”
Rainbow picks up a large rock and holds it above Vivian's head.
"Anon is right. Vivian, I'm so sorry."
Twilight stops the rock from crushing Vivian's skull with her magic.
She yells at you, "Nopony is going to college!"

This was made 10 times more hilarious for me because of this:

Don't know if this was an intentional reference or a coincidence but made me double over nonetheless.
Great job Swift!

[DF]

...You know, it's been a long time since I visited 4chan. /b/ more specifically.

Reading this made me feel as if I never left.

That's bad and you should feel bad.

This was dIsgustilariously dark. Bravo. I rate it 4/5 bashed baby brainpans.

[zeldawolffang]

not gonna lie i would have blown up at rainbow twilight and fluttershy

[King primal Michael]

I do not know what to think on its funny but on another hand it put down people with a disability.

[Narlepoax III]

4555591

Let me get this straigh: Fluttershy doesn't inform Anon about Vivian - on a period of YEARS - but has no qualms about consider child support? Really?

Shit like that happens, unfortunately.

What's really fucked up, is when a grown woman rapes a minor, doesn't tell him she got pregnant until he's an adult, and then sues him for ten years of unpaid child support.

...and gets it.