- Member Since 27th Jan, 2012
- offline last seen Jun 2nd, 2012
TheLordOfBronies
Yo... um, yeah. Well, I'll be writing mostly clopfictions, I think they're called. So... yeah, that's about all I wanna say.
TheLordOfBronies
Joined 27th Jan, 2012 ·
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Some extra notes.
-This is a one-shot, like my first one. I may or may not plan a sequel in the future.
-I am most certainly NOT buying anyone new keyboards.
-I am working on more clopfictions, and some of them are not going to be one-shots.
-I hope this was at least a little funny and turned you on sexually.
i loled
No.
Huh. I honestly didn't expect to find a clopfic of decent quality on the front page.
The writing quality was good, and I enjoyed the whole concept of a mind control stone-thingy.
Just a few things, though.
"Now give me a bob job,"
That sentence, while hilarious, does appear to be a typo; one you might soon want to address.
Also, I think that, what with this being a clopfic, you could go into greater detail when describing the... ahem... scenes of an intimate nature. It all just seemed a tiny bit clinical.
This was suprisingly good, though, and I think I'd quite like to see more from this story. Maybe have Spike encounter more humanized residents of Ponyville during his... Adventures?
Just a thought.
Good work, though!
i cant really picture spike being older and wearing pants?
Here's some stuff I noticed:
"And somehow, the pot the plant in only had a crack in it." -
"Hm. I think it has to with this rock." -
"He had eaten about five cupcakes, ice cream, a piece of cake, forced her to change him into his pajamas, hold up a hustler magazine he had bought and flip the pages." -
"Rarity lied down flat, and he marveled at her breasts." - I think this should be laid
"Spike took out his fingers and prodded at her asshole, before pushing the member in and making her cry out in both pleasure and some pain." - the member?
"only sending electric signals of pain and pleasure to her brain" - Try sending only
"Plus, it was Rarity's lips.He forced his tongue inside" - Dat missing space a.deviantart.net/avatars/t/w/twilightdatassplz.jpg
"This only added to the fireplaces in their lady and man areas." - Dat double space a.deviantart.net/avatars/d/a/datplotplz.png
"I never expected to have such a big dick..." -
i will say three things:
1) very good idea... that's one of the top 3 things i look for in a story
2) Spike taking Rarity's virginity... I've ALWAYS loved that scinario
3) you could have gone into a lengthier story... this seemed like a rushed one-shot... Take your time and set the scene, allow the characters to move effortlessly in their situations, and write what you love
Lol!!
that was such a cool story, although it is kinda wierd that a girl would just watch a boy masturbate in front of her
YES, HOH MY GAWD
Wow... Now that I can breathe again... This was decent, but I doubt that spike would come off as such an asshole about it. But, then again, that's just me.
437600 Yes.
I think spike was a little too blunt with his commands.
Well, he did think they where hypnotised so....
I would have done the same thing.
Either way, best clopfic ive read in a while! Even though the humanized characters kinda ruined it a little. But a great read in fact.
ok so good story most of what everyone else said blah blah blah but twilight is now the proud owner of a double sided dildo that apparently seems to have been forgotten about so basicaly what the hell man
yeah, no.
written horribly, lots of spelling mistkes...
Yeah, I was too lazy to revise. And too lazy to describe. Maybe I'll edit later.
Also, too lazy to read all the comments.
438894 I see Twilight as someone who would go to extreme measures.
438352 I appreciate you notifying me of these things.
438387 Actually, it is a one-shot. And I was in a hurry to finish it, since I wouldn't have internet for a while.
440785 My friend, maturity brings out the worst in all of us. And an asshole is always necessary in a comedy.
443839 And I'm sure the dildo feels left out, but that's another story.
444554 Haters gonna hate.
458443 in other words i should keep my eyes peeled for another story
458443
458456 Actually, in other words, you should keep your eyes peeled for an edit.
462498 and equaly excited
Alright, I edited it. I didn't add much more description, though.
444554 Also, I just noticed that, ironically, you mispelled mistake.
but anyway cool story!!!
i dont know how to express this in words
good times is as close as i can get
images.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw886_1316977601699821.jpeg i loved it
437600YOUR ARGUEMENT IS INVALID!!
At first I was like
But then I lol'd