• Published 6th Jun 2014
  • 480 Views, 17 Comments

A Friend - SIR OM NOM NOM



A pegasus visits the Crystal Empire to see a friend.

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To see her again...

It was a chilly autumn morning at the Crystal Empire. Leaves danced in the cool breeze as ponies traversed through the town in scarves or hats. The sky’s horizon was an orange hue, and the breeze blew only gently. A train whistled, distant from the city. Inside was a purple pegasus with an orange mane. He sat in one of the coaches for regular passengers, he stared distraught through the window as hills rolled across his view as the sunrise illuminated it.

He thought of his current trip, it was something he swore to do every year of his life. To visit his friend, Eris, a unicorn mare he knew since childhood. She was always there for him when he was in need. She stood up for him when others let him down. She was at every important moment in his life. She was his friend.

The train whistled again and the pegasus perked up. "That was fast." he thought to himself. "Six hours already?" He looked out the window again to see a peculiar castle that stood out in the middle of the city, which was full of bright crystalline houses with a vast open field surrounding it.

The train slowed down gradually, indicating that it was going to a stop. The purple pegasus went off his seat and picked up a small saddlebag. The train was now at a complete stop and he was headed to the exit.

As he exited, he then trotted directly to the city in a beeline. His first stop, a vendor.

He then saw the vendor nearby and picked up his pace until he was there. He knocked on the hard wood of the vendor until a tall earth pony stallion answered, "Yes?"

"A bouquet of yellow roses please," the purple pegasus asked. "Wait, Arch? Is that you?"

"Marben? It is me, Archepello. What brings you here?" he replied. "I didn't expect to see you around this place."

"I preferred to be called Meow but I'm here to visit somepony," the purple pegasus said.

"A special somepony I presumed? I'll get you some reds."

"No thanks Arch, just yellow." Arch nodded and handed Meow a bouquet of yellow roses. "So Arch, why are you here? You were a millionaire and now you're working in a flower vendor, what gives?"

"Well, you know. I'm tired of all the attention and stuff, I decided to hand in my fortune to my younger brother and live here with my marefriend."

"Luca? You're still with her?"

"Yeah, that's the other reason. To spend more time with her. The flowers are on the house."

"No, I can't do that," Meow said as he handed Arch small sack of bits. "I owe you the money for the flowers" He immediately went off. "You can keep the change."

With a bouquet of yellow roses nicely packed in his saddlebag, Meow trotted towards a familiar landmark. It was a old iron gate with stone pillars at each side. Moss, vines, and many plant life covered the gate as the stone pillars were covered in cracks. Huge letters stood at the top of the gate that read, "Crystal Memorial Cemetery".

He inhaled some of the cool air and proceeded, right through the gate. He followed a road that led to his final destination, a small hill that stood out in the middle of the cemetery. On that hill was a cherry tree that blossomed beautiful, pink flowers. Near that tree was a tombstone.

Eris FireStar

1999-2021
A friend of many, always there for her friends.

"Hello again," Meow said. "It's the seventh time I visited you...Everything is doing fine at Los Pegasus, everypony is okay. I got these for you." He placed the yellow roses on the tombstone. "You know, I remembered when we first met at elementary. You stood up for me to that bully and we became friends. Yeah...Remember at junior high when we prank Mr.D? It was hilarious, you were such the funny one. And that time at eighth grade when I had a crushed on you and you somehow found out, I was scared th-that would ruin our friendship. I still remembered when we kissed that time and we got caught by Dark, heh, it was unforgettable. Then we decided to be friends again since it was so awkward now.

I finally got accepted to the FMA. How's that, I'll win some matches for you. Remember when we sparred and you beat the crap out of me? You asked if I was okay and I said that I was fine, at the next training session you knocked me unconscious and you brung me to the hospital. You sat by my side until I woke up the next morning. You should've seen your face when I woke up, you were fussing over me even if it wasn't that series.

Then we became a couple again and I asked you to join me to the senior prom. You said that my blue tux made me look like some frat colt and the prom became a disaster, but then we laughed when the fruit punch rain upon everybody. We decided to be friends again for the second time. Good times...

You were a great friend Eris, the bestest friend a colt like me would ever have. You were always there for me, you stood up for me. Yet I have given you nothing but my friendship. I thank you for everything in my life. Oh, Little Comet made this for you."

Meow wiped a tear from his eye and took out a piece of paper from his saddlebag. It was a drawing made with crayons.

"She still remembers you, and she's quite the artist just like her father. I'm surprised that she remembered your mane and fur...I got to go, rest in peace Eris." He then started on his way back to the train station, but came to a halt. He then picked up a locket he kept in his saddlebag, in it was a picture of him and Eris. "For you, thank you, Eris... "

Meow then resumed towards the train station. Headed the way he came towards the train station, then to his home Los Pegasus

Author's Note:

Rest in peace Jared
Fellow brony of the community...

Comments ( 17 )

really wish you could write more of this!!:applecry:

4506152
I know, but what can I do to continue this. But, I am making a story "Stephens High: The Jackrabbits" it's a few years before this story's events.

You should write about there relationship and how they grew up and how all of took effect on his life, like a relapse on his life

4506443
That would mean I have to delay some other stories in development. I'll see what I can do.

woo! gud luck buddy!:yay::pinkiehappy:

4506472
You have any thoughts?

MORE! If u can, post it on my group Crystal Feather Myths! Multiple likes included for this story

4508384
Aaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnddd done :pinkiehappy:

Comment posted by SIR OM NOM NOM deleted Jun 25th, 2014

4508478 Yes! that would be awesome! :pinkiehappy:

Okay, I'm going to be blunt, here. You need an editor. Your main issue is punctuation, but I found numerous spelling errors in the last few paragraphs. Now that I've just, awkwardly, stated that, I would like to lend my services. That is, of course, if you would like my help.

The story, itself, is cute. A few parts confused me, which isn't necessarily good for such a short story, but I like it enough to put it into my favorites. This was sweet, but wasn't really sad. I viewed it more as a slice-of-life story.

Here's a summarizing emoticon for this story: :twilightsmile:

5116034
It was edited by Coda Crescendo, as said in description. But I can need a new editor (Coda hasn't contact me in a month so I'm pretty sure he's Internet dead). Plus, Bittersweet was more to it since there was no other tag to think of the time.


Thanks for the info though. Maybe I can let you edit a a chapter of mine from my latest stories.

(Are you sure there's spelling errors? Might be Microsoft Word fooling around but give me a plausible example of one of my errors please)

5116380 Spelling error example:

You should've seen your face when I woke up, you were fussing over me even if it wasn't that series.

and this one could have been on purpose, but

You asked if I was okay and I said that I was fine, at the next training session you knocked me unconscious and you brung me to the hospital.

Punctuation example:

He thought of his current trip, it was something he swore to do every year of his life.

This is a run-on sentence. That comma must be either a semi-colon or a period.

"I owe you the money for the flowers" He immediately went off. "You can keep the change."

You can't just leave that first part of the quote like that. You have to either add a comma, or a dash, or anything to indicate that the quote was paused.

You also change between past-tense and present-tense a lot. One particular sentence mixes up when to use the two and sounds wrong.

You know, I remembered when we first met at elementary.

That would imply that you no longer remember. If you only had to remember something once ("I remembered to buy you the flowers you wanted!") then it would be fine, but you're talking about something that you will do forever, so you can't make it past tense.

5117628
Oh:twilightsheepish:. Dammit Coda, you said there wasn't any errors...

5117967 You know what's really ironic about that comment? You made an error in your comment.

Dammit Coda, you said there wasn't any errors...

That should be weren't.

I'm evil, aren't I? Yes.

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