• Member Since 7th May, 2013
  • offline last seen Oct 21st, 2019

dman19999


T
Source

Pain and suffering, I know how these feel. But at this point, so close to death, I can't help but feel its all pointless once you get down to it. Ponies will still fight for the same scraps of the old world, the same scraps of food, the same bottlecaps, and the same land, because war, war never changes.
This is my story. This is my adventure.

Based off of Fallout: Equestria by Kkat
Recommended that if you have never read any fallout/MLP crossovers, read the original, or listen to the audio book by CrazedRambling

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 11 )

First chapter complete, if I get any good responses, I'll try my hand at a second chapter.

There are a few mistakes with non-capitalized "I"s (or "i"s for that matter)

I don't get yet who Gunderson was. He just shows up unexplainedly and then he's dead without doing anything. Was he evil and the pony who shot Leonard (with by the way is a pretty uncommon name for a pony. Usually it would be Leon Heart. Almost every pony name is an aptronym. "Human" names don't really fit ponies.) or was he a good one. Leonard's reaction doesn't make that clear either: he's shocked when seeing the dead body, but just because of its half-missing face.

But apart from that it is a solid chapter. Nothing has really happened yet, so it can become something really great.
Before I can give you any thumbs something has to happen. More than the character wakes up at least. I want to see him (I believe it's a him) take action, to see if I like his character.


Foodnote:
You probably shouldn't "blackmail" the readers by saying. "If I get a lot of likes, I'll write more." That usually results in both the FoE haters and people who don't like author's who are begging for likes and attention giving you dislikes.
You should probably write a few chapters, then you can say you'll continue if enough people give positive feedback (although a fanfiction is something for you yourself and if readers like it, that's good, but not crucial.) Just write if you want a if you don't, don't.

4470218 Thanks for the criticism, I will fix the mistakes and I really this is the first chapter of my story, not really fleshed out the characters, and I intended for Leonard to be his fake name that he uses because he hates his real one, but I see that it should probably a be more pony-like along the lines of Leon Hart or something because of pony culture. I will also try to make it so that Gunderson's role was more clear in the second chapter, in my head it was more like "if I get people hooked, for instance not explaining everything in the first chapter, then I will leave questions and they will want to read more" and also by good responses I meant like no "it was hoorible" or "check out my story please".

Next chapter might not be up until the end of next week because of exams, and exam review

so far so good

Just so you know your story was added to the Fallout Equestria Group by G-man64! Feel free to PM me if you have any questions!

4498884 Thanks for telling me about that, I would never have realized that it was added.

4502847 I'm... sensing some sarcasm in that statement... :rainbowlaugh: Honestly this is just the easiest way to get my name out in case anyone has any questions lol

4503168 Dangit, I didn't mean for that comment to have sarcasm, text doesn't portray the right feelings sometimes, anyway I really wouldn't have realized so thank you.

4503341 Ah my mistake, well anyways have a good day! :twilightsmile:

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