• Member Since 20th Apr, 2014
  • offline last seen 12 minutes ago

chuck-vic-norris


How do you write, I have no idea what I'm doing

T

Vinyl and her wife Octavia are expecting their baby soon. They've waited nine months for the baby to come to terms, but why are things making them wait longer? And why does everything have to be so PAINFUL?

This is my first time writing a fic, let alone a comedy. I'm focusing on being able to "show, not tell." Criticism is welcome. Enjoy!
Rated teen because Octavia has a potty mouth
EDIT: I forgot to point out that this fic was partly inspired by Lithe Kamitatsy's Two's Company, Three's a Crowd

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 14 )

Not bad for a first fic. Not bad at all.

there needs to be a prequel and a sequel!!!

Good fic, especially for a first one, with a good capture of emotions and a nice balance of humour and seriousness. :pinkiehappy:

4447262 I don't know about a sequel but a prequel...hmm, maybe...
:trixieshiftleft:
:trixieshiftright:

4447324 Thanks :twilightsheepish: I was worried about the humor, I've never attempted it before :applejackunsure:

awwwww. so cute

Awww so adorable.:heart:

5091220 Thanks! That's what I was going for :twilightsmile:

That was beautiful! :pinkiesad2:

5440617 Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it :twilightsmile:

I have a soft spot for Octavia and Vinyl Scratch as a couple. University Days and Allegrezza were the second and third stories I ever read on Fimfiction, and the I just adore the concept of their characters and relationship. So as you can imagine, this story had an advantage over me.

Its extra interesting how the two are married in this story. I don't think I've read a single romance story where the couple is married, so I give points for creativity and originality, also for the concept of Octavia giving birth. As for how the story itself was written, I didn't spot any typos, and I was never bothered by anything in the writing. Though there was one case where Octavia and Vinyl both had separate dialogue in one paragraph, and this lead to a bit of confusion for me. I recommend you keep people speaking within separate paragraphs.

But originality and good writing is just a part of what makes a story. The plot itself is the most important part in my opinion. And from my point of view, this is great. The story deserves the comedy tag as I laughed out loud thanks to some of Octavia's dialogue. The story also had a very sweet ending, though I prefer it when a characters child is the opposite gender, it just feels a bit more creative for me, as it makes a child feel less like a clone of their parent. It doesn't really affect the story though.

In my opinion, this story isn't really on a spectacular level like Allegrezza or University Days, but its good enough for a like and a fave. I can even call it great.

8/10

5579201 I doubt I'll ever be in the same league as Allegrezza and University Days, they are amazing stories. I think they were the fics that first got me into TaviScratch. Watch and Learn was what gave me the courage to start writing about them.

The idea of them already married was simply something that came to mind during the writing process. Octavia yelling at Vinyl to grab a wheelchair was actually suppose to be the intro, but I thought it would be too abrupt and wouldn't provide the reader any idea of what the story would be about. As for the idea of Octavia giving birth, I actually got the idea from the fic Two's Company, Three's a Crowd, though in this fic, the scenario is different (I'll need to credit the author in the description :twilightoops:).

Though there was one case where Octavia and Vinyl both had separate dialogue in one paragraph

Fixed it :raritywink: Thank you for pointing that out.

I'm glad you got a laugh from Octavia's reactions. At the time the story was written, I had never really written comedy (any fic actually), so I'm happy it turned out well. For the ending, I needed something that would help bring the fic to a close, and what better way than fluff? :rainbowkiss: In terms of having a child of the opposite gender, I just went with the more realistic "no Y chromosome = no boy" approach. You make a great point in that it would be more creative.

Thank you very much for the comment, like and fave. Criticism is always welcome and I'm glad you enjoyed the fic :twilightsmile:

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!