• Published 7th Apr 2012
  • 2,498 Views, 404 Comments

Badger, the Hippogriff - Solar Eclipse

a hippogriff joins in the school right after his military service. randomness ensures.

  • ...

Promotion pt1

Rage, Azok, and 'bikes'
[Rage speaks in this]
~I reply in this~

I was staring at the inferno, created by Discord, when I heard Rage say something:

~Sorry what?~
[Wake up, you imbecil.]
~Aren’t I already awake?~
~Prove it~
[Okie dokie.]

Out of nowhere I felt an extreme amount of pain in my beak, causing me to close my eyes tightly.
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!? I opened up my eyes to see I was still in the same chair I woke up this morning in. The fuck? Lightning proceeded to launch into my face, forcing me to wake up much faster that I had planned. “FUCK YOU MINATURE CLOUD! BURN IN HELL!!!” I screamed in return, shaking my talon at the white fluff. As it turned out, it was also time for Celestia to pull a prank on me.

I burped loudly; my breath secreting green flame that materialized into a scroll that dropped on my lap, bearing the Royal seal. My throat still burned, even after the flames had died down. I rolled my eyes and picked it up, breaking the seal with a claw. I read it like I did most everything else, only the important sections:

Dear Badger,

Blah blah blah, promotion. Blah blah blah, come today. Blah blah blah, don’t fight my little ponies. Blah blah blah, thanks for taking care of the dragon alongside Azok. Blah blah blah, hope you two will make great friends. Blah blah blah, the cloud above you is now gone.

~Princess Celestia

P.S: How’d you like the taste of scroll?

~Why did I just wake up; why does my beak hurt, and why the fuck am I in this chair when I should be outside of what used to be the Chemistry lab?~
[Judging by the positions between the moon and the sun, I have no fucking idea.]
~You’re a great help... you know that?~
[I try. That’s more then you can say.]
~Get the fuck out.~

I sat up, feeling another burp coming along from my stomach. I opened mouth released another bout of green flames that, once again, materialized into a scroll, bearing the same royal seal.

I also have a new desk made of mahogany!


~I do not understand...~
~Who the fuck is Nappa!?!?~

“Heya big guy.” Gilda said walking up to me. “I see the cloud is gone.. And that the Princess sent you some mail. What’s going on?”

“Got a request from Celestia to go see her, something about promotions and a mahogany desk...”


“Ah, so a promotion huh? Look at you, moving on up the ranks! I’m so proud of you!” The sarcasm in her voice was teasing.

“So you don’t want to go, huh?”

“Nope, too many ponies there. Don’t want to run into one I may know...”

“I understand. Well, judging from the sun, I should get going if I want to make it there by noon. What class are you going to?”

“Chemistry, with Dr. Test. Why?”

“Don’t worry about it, I felt Deja Vu. I'll see you later today or early tomorrow.”

She leaned up and kissed me, then flew off the cloud and to the ground.

`````````` half hour of putting on armor and a three hours of flight later``````````

I approached the double doors leading to the throne room and took a deep breath. I still don’t know why I’m getting promoted...
[Does it matter? Free ranks.]
~True, true... I wonder what rank I’ll be?~
[Probably ‘Sergeant First Class’ or something.]

The doors opened in a golden aura that resembled the guards, allowing me to enter. In the two thrones were Princess Celestia and Princess Luna themselves. As I go to the thrones, I dipped my head and stopped, not daring to raise my head above the floor.

Celestia spoke,“For showing what it is to be a leader, and for protecting Equestria with all the power you can muster, we have judged you to be worthy of the rank of Master Chief Warrant Officer. Congratulations.”

Master Chief......
Master Ch-

As I’m sitting there in disbelief, there was a loud yell outside.




“Excuse me a moment, Princesses” Celestia nodded and stood up. I looked up to see Luna making her way to a nearby window and looking out, watching the skies carefully. I got off the ground and made my way to the same window and looked out. What I saw actually cheered me up; it was Azok in his drake form. I opened up the window next to Luna’s and jumped out. Unfolding my wings, I took to the air. After a couple of beats from my wings, I softly landed in front of the guards.

“Heya Az, what’s going on-” I noticed the guards behind me, all tense and ready for a fight. “At ease, gentlecolts.” The guards slowly flew off or teleported away.

“How do you know me?”

“It’s me, Badger, mate.”

“Name doesn't ring a bell, sorry.”

“I broke your axe.” I stated cautiously

“God damnit not you again.”

“I could always get the guards to yell and wake up your precious cargo..”

[Where are they, I don’t- is that them sleeping on his back- HNNNNGGGGGGG DIABEETUS]

“I will eat you. I'm still a dragon, remember-”

Rage took control for a moment, “Do you like bananas?

Suddenly Azok changed back into his cow form, raised his right hand, and a lance of light shot out of it, hitting me in the chest. Needless to say it hurt like a bitch for a moment.

[I’m... Sleepy... I’ll... Yeah...]


“Why don't you tell me why there was some demon thing in you?”

“Not exactly a demon, but I was going to see you anyways... Well regardless, thanks for the help on taming him, and that hurt!” I looked back to some guards behind me, holding out spears to him because of the sudden attack. “It’s okay, I’m fine. Go inside and get some rest.” I softly rubbed where the light hit me. I will have my revenge for that pain soon...

I heard some yawns from behind Azok and a soft, ‘Are we there yet?’

“We have been here for about ten minutes, Sweetie Belle” Azok replied, and two more yawns responded to him in return.

“Oh, there you are Mr.Strider.” A purplish earth pony walked up, followed by a of young colts and fillies

“Strider? I didn’t picture you having such a casual alias.. I always thought of you more of a ‘James’” I said, smiling.

“I don't have a last name. My rank is Sunstrider, she is just saying it wrong.” He made his way to her and they said a couple of words, then he came back to me. “Wanna go explore the town?” He asked.

“Sure thing, where to first though?”

“Armor shop, I need some new gear, this stuff is pretty old.” He opened up a large book, and, after a while, seemed satisfied with excerpts. There was a small light on the ground that expanded to a circle with weird markings and figures in it, then out of nowhere was a large metal contraption with two wheels. It seemed to have chrome or such plating on most of it. Pretty pretty...Shiny shiny... I shook my head to clear it from the thoughts

“Da fuq!? How did- no. You know what, it’s magic. Fuck explaining it.” I said in defeat.

He jumped on and ignited it, causing a small roar from the mysterious machine. “Just get in the damn bike.”

“How exactly do I do that?” I made my way around it, looking for another seat.

“Approach it from the left side.”

I did so, and, to be honest, I can’t explain what happened. A seat made itself infront of me. “Holy shit, what the hell!?”

“I made the bike, so when any living thing gets near the left side, a side seat will pop out. Now get in the bike.”

“Celestia have mercy on me...” I said, strapping myself in.

He pulled out a sheet of paper or such that, after a second, had all the details of the city on it. Must be a map of some sort...“Cool there is an armor shop about a mile from here.”

“You know you could’ve just asked me, I’ve been here a while and-” Before I could finish, there was an extremely loud roar, that cause me to flatten my ears to my head, and we sped off. “-WHAT THE FUCK!”

He swerved the bike around mares and stallions alike, barely missing them.

“ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN DRIVE THIS THING!?!?” I yelled over the roar of the ‘bike’.


“FUCK IT, I’M OUT!” I said trying to unstrap myself, but had difficulty doing so. Before I managed to unbuckle myself from the screaming metal deathtrap that was called ‘bike’, he purposefully jumped the bike off of a small hill. He slammed the handlebars to the left, causing the bike to spin in mid air before landing.


I took this time to go into a fetal position and rock slowly back and forth, mumbling out prayers left and right. After five minutes of talking to myself and to Celestia (who didn’t answer back... That jerk), we arrived outside of a place called ‘Armor R Us’. He stopped the demon bike outside of the store. I unstrapped myself and fell to the ground, kissing it.