Badger, the Hippogriff

by Solar Eclipse

First published

a hippogriff joins in the school right after his military service. randomness ensures.

First person POV.

Badger is half horse, half griffon. He is taller then most griffons and a lot stronger then said griffons. He has an outstanding military career in the small 4 years he was in the ERA (as well as his entire kind has). He was sent back to school on orders from Celestial herself... To learn a new trade, other then war. Along with school, comes the inevitable, drama, bully beat downs, epic reactions, parties, magic, and jackassery.

Join our solider as he uses what he learned in his time in the military and previous schools to fight off bullies, challenge unicorns, fight back against the rules, and get into some awkward conversations and situations.

I am currently looking for and accepting OC requests. My brain is too full of tiredness to make them all myself, and name them.. Fuck that shit. Why not give the bronies a shout out and include their character? Give them some publication?

Tl:dr. Badger is a tough mo fo, hoping to survive in school like he survived his military career. I need any and all OC's to help.

Rated T for teen..
Horribly Written Jokes
Meme use


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Lets do this

Okay, lets start this off with me saying this: Hippogriff's. Half horse (or Pony), half griffon. Hooves instead of lion paws and the such. Only 3,000 left. Not alot huh? Its okay, Celestia only let that many live because the rest of my kind followed Nightmare Moon. Also a little bit about us: we're about two feet taller then normal griffons, as well as a tad stronger and buffer. The only downside, is it takes more for us to move. We're not fast, but we can gain speed over time. In a fight, we're like tanks, we can take damage, but we're slow to deal it. To make up for the past, all of us volunteer to join the Royal Army when we are old enough. I have currently served four years in LSO (Lunar Spec Ops). Granted be, military is not great pay, but I get by. I was chosen at the ripe young age of seven to be trained as a solider. I am now around twenty.

These are 99.99% of the time my thoughts

As I walked down the street I yawned loudly, stretching a little before the climax of said yawn. It is WAY to early to be awake, why do they have to have school so early? Why can't it be an hour later or something? Celestia hasn't even risen the sun yet... I sighed, ruffling my wings a bit. I stopped and Looked to the wide assortment of buildings in front of me. I could already see ponies waking up. Must be mares.. No way in hell is a colt or griffon awake at this time of morning.

The sound of wings and a down-burst of air made me look up, as another griffon landed, right next to me and purposesfully hit me with its wing. "Watch it bub!" The griffon said, obviously female. Nope. Mistaken. ALL females are awake at this time.

"Or what?" I replied, myself easily being two heads taller then she was.

"Or I'll take your beak right off your-" she turned looking to me, "face and shove it up your-" She noticed she was talking to my chest, and looked up, taking into notice my black feathers. She took a step back, surprise on her face. "Holy hell you're a hippogriff!"

I smiled (the best I could with a beak, its hard but noticeable) "Yes I am"

"So where do you come from?


"Good to know that. Sheesh, you sound like a loser, just saying a few words and not going into details. Lets try this again. Where are you from?"

"North, in the higher mountains in the Dominion"

"Good. What is your name?"

"Badger. And you?"

"pfft! Badger!! That's a stupid name!"

"It's because I don't give a shit. Whats your name?"

"I'm Gilda. Get it memorized."

"When you leave an impression, I might."

"Yeah, what ever. By any chance are you the new guy? You seem older then the usual's here."

"I am the 'new guy' and yes, I'm about four years older then any of the students here. And before you ask, I was in the Equestrian Royal Army."

"Thought so. Now shut up and follow me, or get left behind in my dust. Got it?"

"Ladies first."

She flared out her wings, and took off, the down draft forcing dirt into my face. "Yeah.. Fuck you too..." I mumbled under my breath

She lead me to a huge amount of clouds, three gigantic ones surrounded by dozens of others. Hovering next to her she pointed to two of the three main clouds. "Dorms. The one over there is for pegasi, and the one over there is for Griffons." Pointing to the nicer of the two first. "The big one in the middle is where the cafeteria is, and all the smaller ones are where the flight classes take place, as well as some wing-ball fields, and normal classes like history and all that."

She took off again, and I followed. "Over there is a 'no-griffon zone' . The pegasi don't want us over there. Something about 'griffons tend to beak shit and cause problems.' GAH!" The sudden outburst caught me offgaurd and I looked to her expecting her to be raging in anger. Instead a tear fell from her eyes. "I hate ponies..."

"Are you... Crying?" I asked dumbly.

"No! Just some sand or something got in my eye."She replied, rubbing her eye softly. "Whats it to you!?" She turned to me, attitude back.

"Absolutely nothing, but it stirs curiosity as to why a griffon is crying. It takes a lot to make your kind cry."

"Ponies. Thats why. And thats all you're going to find out."

"As you wish, fine with me. Keep calm, and carry on." I said, motioning for her to continue with the tour.

We made our way to the cafeteria, passing a group of three griffons. When we landed outside of it, she stopped me. "What is in here, you will never untaste. The rules may say no hunting, but you're always welcome to hunt instead of having to buy the meat itself."

"Where do the ponies eat?"

"In the ground cafeteria. The griffon upstairs thought it would be best to keep griffons and ponies as separate as possible. I like the idea personally. The next time I see a cyan pony, it'll be to soon..."

"I do too... Now about that hunting?"

"Yeah, we can hunt, as long as ponies don't see. They don't take kindly to us in the first place because we eat meat, but watching us hunt can get you expelled."

"Okay. So now what?"

"Now breakfast."


I walked straight into the 'pull' door with a loud bang, my size knocking it off its hinges and making it fall off the cloud.


A/N: Tell me what you all think! I would love to see how you all react to this and such. This is my second fanfic, and I hope to be updating it regularly. If you have any idea's on future chapters, I would be happy to look over then and put them in (yes I will give you credit in the A/N of said chapter). I will be looking for Oc's to enter and play a role in this fanfic, from major to minor. I just ask you send me a PM with info on said OC and their personality (prefer pony OC, but Griffon OC's are welcome as well), for subject of the PM say "OC for Badger" or something along those lines...

Keep calm and read on.
-Solar / Badger


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Nom Nom's Time

Cleverly walking through the now gaping hole that the door once covered, I looked around. The tables were widespread from each other, judging by the distance it was so that when griffons landed or took off, the bursts of air doesn't bother the others, at all. Just like at basic training. I looked to my right, wondering if Gilda was still there. Nope. Typical. No one wants to be seen near an hippogriff, let alone a new student. I made my way to the small line in front of a large counter at the far side of the room, only getting a couple of glances my way. And I waited, for about ten minutes.

In said time, I kept looking around the large room, taking into count its populous. More females then males of course. There was a large group of griffons, maybe about six or so, making their way across the mess hall (sorry for the terminology, basic training had a 'mess hall' not a 'cafeteria') and started to mess with others. In particular, they messed with four other griffons who had textbooks out studying for something. They threw around the books, and ended up just throwing one of them off the cloud, and laughed when the owner jumped off to get it. And that is the wretched group, of scum and villainy. When the owner returned with the book, he calmly sat down where he was in the first place, and started back to studying. the group left them alone in search for their next victims. In the far corner of the room, there were about six or so more griffons, but had their feathers dyed multiple colors, they didn't even bother sitting at a table, so they either flew or sat on the cloud itself. Tables are too mainstream, dude.

Finally I was next. About damn time. My stomach rumbled in agreement. Turning back to the counter, I noticed only one thing, from the huge selection of meat. Venison. Glorious and holy venison!

"Which is your choice?" The griffon behind the counter asked, obviously bored and hateful of his job.

"Venison. All of it. The entire slab." My voice was in the 'if i don't have the entire thing I'll kill you myself' zone. Super serious.

"That'll be thirty bits-"

"Shut up and take my money!" I threw the thirty bits at him, and flew off with the huge slab of cooked deer in my talons excitedly. I made my way to an empty table, and instantly sank my razor sharp beak and claws into the meal. Slicing it up as easily as scissors cut through silk. After about three minutes of eating it, there was only a third left. It was at this time I heard softly behind me "Hey look... a mutt." Then almost directly behind me, a male voice,"Hey big guy, care to share?" A talon reached over my shoulder for the remaining third. I stopped eating and reached up with my own talon, gripping his wrist. I turned my head around slowly, emphasizing that I meant business. "My food. Touch it. You die."

I let go of him, and turned back to my meal. I knew what was going to happen next already. His talon shot out reaching for the meat. I reached up again, and used his momentum against him. I flipped him over the table and through the cloud-wall, sending him flying off the cloud. I calmly finished the rest, as the entire mess hall shut up and stared at me. He poked his head up through the hole I made by throwing him, and he was pissed.

"That's it!" He flapped his wings to gain some air, and dived at me, his claws aimed at me. I waited for the last moment, then casually stepped to the left, and watched as he flew by me and into the Group of Scum and Villainy, knocking most of them down. Huh... I was wondering where they went.... He got back up a little dazed, and shook his head to clear his mind. "Don't let the dweeb win! This is our place, not his! Show him that, Pete!" I heard Gilda say, as she was picking herself up. Oh, that's where she went...

"I would prefer not to fight. I've done enough in four years to be set for life and I don't think that you would want to-" I started, only to be interrupted at another charge by 'Pete'. For the love of Celestia... Fine. If it's a fight you want. I'll make it quick as I can for you.he approached, and once again I waited till the last second. I grabbed his talons in mine again, fell onto my back, put myhooves on his underside, and, using his momentum again, kicked him, tumbling off the cloud. Again. Making a larger hole in the clouds' wall. I got back up and dusted myself off, as well as stretch my wings. I looked to the group.

"Who's next in line?"

"C'mon Gilda! Let's show him we mean business!" Yelled out another female voice, and a griffon in the back of the group had took to the air.

"Ok fine, but your have to fight with me this time. I am not soloing this guy, he is freaking huge!"


"I don't fight females."

"Good, makes our job a whole lot easier." The female in the back said, eyes gleaming evilly. She charged, quickly. And I did as I did before. I waited until the last moment and moved out of the way. As she flew past me I kicked her with my hind leg, making her spin out of control and off the cloud. I went over to the side and watched her gain control, a few hundred feet above the ground. Then a force hit me in the side, hard.Fuck, I forgot about Gilda. I was knocked off the cloud through the gargantuan sized hole on the side.

She was raking her talons across my left thigh and entire left leg, before she gripped had and a loud snap! Needless to say it hurt like hell, and she did indeed break my leg. Thank you, adrenaline. Still falling, I flapped my large wings as much as i could, trying to right myself and gain control. I flapped again hard, one last time, and accidentally hit Gilda on the beak, forcing her to let go. The male and other female were back, and started circling me. The entire cafeteria was outside now, watching us form a distance (binocular vision is great).

"I do not want to fight" I said, motioning to my broken leg.

"But we do." The male and female said, still circling me, Gilda was back up but the look in her eyes said she didn't want to. She charged regardless. As she neared, and instead of dodging to the sides, I flapped my wings hard, and went straight up by six feet, the gust of wind from my wings throwing her off course and into the female behind me. After a second or two of uncontrolled falling, they shook their heads and watched, as the male charged me alone. I kepet flapping my wings, time slowed down a little as the adrenaline entered my system again. We were outside of the cafeteria, surronded by at least 40 griffons who watched. Time for some fun.

As always, I waited till the last second, but I strafed around him, and caught the back of his head in my talon, stopping all momentum. He started to struggle, flapping his wings and flailing his limbs, hopeful to hit me in the beak. Thankfully i was out of his range by a couple of inches. My grip tightened a little, causing him to suddenly struggle more. "Let me go!"

It looks like this Skip to 3:25

"No." I tightened my grip further. He let out a small squeak and stopped flailing his limbs. "Do you give up?" I asked, voice calm.

"Yes." His voice full of defeat.

A/N: If there are any grammatical error's or such, send them to me in a message with the error's bolded. One again, i hope you enjoyed reading the fanfic so far, tell me your thoughts in the comments, and don't forget to leave a like and show some love... I'll pay you in mustaches!

Healing and.. Parties?

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Never heard of the fourth wall.. Why? Is it important?

Gilda and the other female were staring at us. "Tell them to stop fighting." I whispered softly, he nodded, and threw him at the two griffons. As he went face first into the females, Gilda's eyes never left me. I flapped my wings once more to get a little bit more air, and started flying downwards. I spotted a huge forest on the other side of what I presumed to be the ground portion of the school. It looked to be about fifty miles in diameter, and really looked more like a damned jungle. I glided my way to the edge of it, softly landing on my three good limbs, making sure to not jar my broken leg. I took a couple steps into the forest, and already found what I was looking for. A large amount of moss, two large sticks, and a huge amount of vines.

I grabbed all of the supplies with my talons, and fluttered my way back to the side with civilization on it. I laid down, and started to get to work, untangling the vines and grouping up the moss into one large pile. I took the two large sticks, and put them on opposite sides on my injured leg. Taking the vines, I was about to tie the two branches together, until I heard the whooshing noises of griffon wings coming my way. I could already tell who it was by the distinct noise of the wings and how they controlled their feathers, sine this morning. Gilda... The loud thump of her land did nothing to tear myself from my work. I wrapped the vine around the two branches tightly, making sure my leg could not move. It was a primitive cast.

"So you're not even going to acknowledge me?" She asked, walking straight up to me once I got done.



"To busy repairing what damage you caused, and because I really don't care about you right now." I said nonchalantly, then picked up the large group of moss, and placed it on the still bleeding cuts. I pressed down hard.

"So.. What are you doing?"

"First aid. Oh by the way, thanks for the probably new scars."

She was silent for a while, and sat next to me, being sure to keep a couple inches between us. "Whats the moss for?"

"Nature's sponge, use it on the cuts to soak up blood. Also to stop the bleeding by putting pressure down on the wounds."

"Oh. So what now?"

"Infirmary and then dorms." I got up slowly, as did Gilda. I looked at the cast I made.Looks to be sturdy enough if I put a little weight on it. No faults in either vine nor wood. I won't walk on it... it is broken after all.

"Why are you looking at your leg?"

"Why would you care, especially after you attacked me like that?"

She was silent again. MY gaze moved from my leg to her for the first time since the fight. she ruffled her wings and looked everywhere but at me. "Let me guess. They are the 'cool' group, and to feel accepted, you have to prove yourself again and again to them. You do what they tell you for fear of being out of the 'cool group'. You just want to be accepted." I stated.

She opened her beak to argue, but found no words for a rebuttal.

"You know those four griffons, that were studying with the books?"

She nodded.

"Your 'friends' probably terrorized them their entire time they have been here. They do not look up to you. They fear you. Is that how you want to be known, by fear? or would you want to be known by doing the right thing for once? By sticking up for the little guys?" My voice was raising, "They do not like you. Your 'group' will not like you if you disobey them. You have some options.. Leave the group the hell alone and protect the little guys and gain acceptance from them for life, being known as 'the one who helped me' or be known as 'the one who made my life a living hell'. You have a choice. Now chose what you really want. your false friends will mean nothing to you once your out of here, but those smart guys? Who knows what they can accomplish."

She lowered her head, deep in thought. "Lets get you to the infirmary.." She said softly, obviously still thinking, as we made our way to the ground-school's infirmary.

``````````````````````````````````````````````````````One fixed leg and 5 hours later`````````````````````````````````````````

"Best nap in my life..." I said drowsily, yawning loudly after. Gilda just smiled and walked beside me and my funny healed leg. "If it's one thing unicorns are good at, its healing and sleeping."

"Tell me about it. Sometimes i just pretend to be hurt or something. Once all the tingling goes away you always feel good, in better condition then when you get there."

"Yeah. So anwayways, the dorms?"

"Yeah sure, this way." She took off, and I followed. As we approached the cloud, time itself froze somehow. I couldn't move yet i was suspended in air. All I COULD move was my head, neck, and beak to talk. Next thing I know some portal or something opens up in front of me, and out pops a pink pony with a curly pink mane, defying all forms of physics and time itself, by standing on air in front of me.

"Hi!! I heard you were new to this school and I thought that you could use a party!!" She glanced to Gilda "Oh no.. She's the big meanie pants that was mean to me and my friends down in ponyville. Is she finally nice now? Huh huh huh?? Anyways, do you like parties? Because I love parties and I think that you should have a party for your first day here, so I thought that I would throw you one!! When you get back to your dorm don't be surprised if its full of ponies and griffons having a good time! Also, only you can see me, its just the way I work! Have fun!!"

And with that she disipeared back into the portal, and was gone. The only thought on my mind was what the fuck was that, and what the fuck just happened?

Needless to say, when I got to my dorm, it was full. Beats rocking out by a DJ p0n3, Applejack Daniels all over the place (needs more up in this bitch). My only thought was a train ran through and dropped off all its passengers. Also needless to say, the ponies that were up there were mostly pegasi, but those who weren't had to have a unicorn friend that knew a few things. Gilda was just as surprised as I was, but instantly jumped into the party... By grabbing two AJ Daniels and chugging them down.

``````````````````````````two hours into the party, time is 9:30 pm`````````````

"I thinks thut ish a grrrreaate idea..." Gilda said to something I said which I can't really remember now.

"Yeah I khan only thinkz thut it would beh a greate sport." I honestly have no idea where I was going with anything at that time.

```````````````````` three hours into the party time is 10:30 pm``````````

"I chandfnghk sdklfjiw! sdkj huyieur gkd slfjsiuw" I do indeed think that wingball and hoofball are great! But needs more fighting in them Gilda said to me.

"Aphugar asdjhg hubar bacon sdflkjtuwo djgheial djfnsl!" I turned to some random pegasi near me," chanf youh beligjla fhis jsjtpskd !?" What the fuck are you saying! Can you believe this bitch!?

"I have no idea what you are saying.." Replied one of them sadfh jsdkjgh sdklfhgekl jasdkjhf l

`````````````````7 hours in`````````````



Both of us we're out.

```````The next morning`````````

I woke up with a loud yawn and opened my eyes. I let out a chuckle, remembering few of yesterdays advents. must've been a great night.. I stretched hard while yawning again, only to have a heavy weight on my right talon and right wing. I looked over, and there sleeping, snugly, was Gilda. It took a moment for my brain to register who she was, and that she was resting on my wing. OH SWEET CELESTIA WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED LAST NIGHT

Tell me what you think of this... predicament MWAHAHAAAAAA

no seriously, tell me what you think so far, I would love feedback for any and ALL readers, I need to know what you think (yes, even the down voters, I need to know why, so I can improve.

See any problems? POINT THEM OUT!!! I want to fix them so everyone who reads, from grammar nazi to hillbilly redneck can enjoy it!

Help me.. And classes

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HELP MEEE.... oh and classes, yea yea yea, blah blah blah...

Okay.. Nothing to panic about.. Its not like hippogriff's mate for life or anything.. No, never, of course not...FUCK ME!!

My mind raced, going over possibilities of something happening last night. All I could remember was showing up and drinking a single drink. This is not good.. This cannot be happening!! I looked over to Gilda, who was sleeping snugly, a smile on her beak. She was breathing deeply, obviously in a good dream. WAIT! THAT'S IT!! This is all a dream... Yeah. that's it.. Alllll a dream.. Alll in my head... I looked to the ceiling. As soon as I close my eyes, I'll actually wake up, in my bed, in my dorm, alone. Yeah. Okay. Here we go. I closed my eyes for a moment, and then opened them back up. I looked to my right. SHE WAS STILL THERE. No nononononoo....Sweet Celestia.. I looked back to the ceiling. PINCHING! YES!! MAYBE THAT'LL WAKE ME UP! I used my left talon, and pinched myself, feeling the pain. NOTHING HAPPENED.

I looked back to Gilda. Ok. I'll go to sleep. Into a light sleep. She'll wake up first. No problem. No trouble. All her fault. Yes.My eye twitched at that last part. I soon as I thought that I saw that her eyes starting to flutter, and she opened them, looking at me before I had a chance to even close mine. NO CELESTIA. NO, CELESTIA PLEASE, NO. NO. NO. NOOOOOO. She blinked in confusion for a second, then her eyes widened in horror.

"Before you say anything I-"


"I think I can explain-"


"First calm down!"

She put her talon on my wing, digging into it. "Tell me to calm down, ONE GODDAMN MORE TIME!"

"OKAY. HERE. I KNOW NOTHING OF WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT. MY MIND IS BLANK!!" I leaned up a little bit, looking at the the covers of my bed. No stains. THANK YOU CELESTIA. "OKAY. No stains. We didn't do anything here... QUICKLY! CHECK THE OTHER ROOMS AND FURNITURE!" She looked at me skeptical, then understood why. She shot of faster then anything I've seen. She was back before I even stretched out the pain in my right talon and wing.

"Nothing.. Save for two mares in a puddle." She shuddered. "And another griffon drooling on the couch."

"Okay, thank Celestia almighty.. Okay. We didn't do anything." I sat down, relief coming over me. I looked back to her. She was obviously relieved as well, but also showed... What was that... Disappointment? Fuck it, I don't care right now. I don't have a bond with her, THAT is what I care about... I took this time to actually look at her.

She's not that bad looking.. Bad attitude, and chose the wrong group to hang out with... But she's still not that bad...... Wait what the hell am I thinking!? NO. NO NO NO. BAD MIND. That is NOT okay. It is NOT okay to be with other species.. No. Nope never. But maybe the rules can be bent- NO. FUCK! WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ME, OF ALL HIPPOGRIFFS!?!

"Why are you looking at me?" Her voice cut through my thoughts like a blade.

"Just happy."

"Why? That we didn't do it?"

"Well... To put bluntly, yes. But really because one as young as yourself doesn't need a bond-mate."

"What's a bond mate?" She asked, head tilting to the side a little.

"Shit.. Um... I guess it's just a hippogriff thing then. A bond mate is.. Is when you... Do the nasty, and your bonded with them. For life. And once you bond, your body doesn't respond to any advances of the opposite gender the way it did before you bonded. It's.. Complicated... what I learned in Basic is that no matter what race, unicorn to griffon, to hippogriff, we all have magic. Some, like the unicorns, have ways of focusing their magic. Pegasi, griffons, and hippogriffs use their magic to decrease the weight of their bones, hollow out their bones, walk on clouds, or control weather. Hippogriffs are very... Peculiar... When we do the nasty... We stay with that one. When we get called to war, we fight for that one. When we come back, we stay with that one. It compels our bodies to do what ever we can for 'the one', and to the survival of our species."

"Huh... that seem's kind of useful."

"Not always. Though I have not bonded, from what I hear, if your away from your bond-mate it feels like your heart is breaking. Saddening.. Painfull.. Depressing. And from what I hear, if the one bond-mate dies, the other can feel them missing.. It usual ends in suicide."

"Well fuck my opinion then."

I laughed,"We have to get to class... Do you know where.." I looked on my wall, at a schedule, and read off it "Mr. Shadow's History class is?"

"Yeah, I have him first too."

````````````````````After a short flight to the ground and into a building on the ground school`````````
``````````````````````Cause fuck breakfast. Breakfast is to mainstream.`````````````````````

We walked into the class with at least 6 minutes to spare. There were two chairs, one near the middle, and one in the far back, with the group of Scum and Villainy. Needless to say I took the middle chair. The teacher wasn't in the room apparently, as a paper pegasus was flying around the room, covered in a light-blue aura.

Two unicorn students make their way in and close the door after themselves. They both grabbed a table from the side of the room, and using their magic, conjured seats out of thin air.ALLLLL RIGHTY THEN- The door busted in with an extremely loud crash, and was flung across the room.

"HOLY HELL!"A student behind me yelled out.

"Okay class, today's lesson will be-" In walked in the body of a griffon, then the rest, a horse.ANOTHER HIPPOGRIFF! "Equestrian Military and the Great War." He was all black, save for his head, which was a peachy sort of color. He had a scar running up from his beak to his eye, and had a two star pin hanging on to one of his chest feathers. He looked out at the thirty or so students gathered in his class. Wait.. That rank... That scar...

"BRIGADIER SHADOW!?!?!?" I yelled out loudly.

He smiled. "Hello Staff Sergeant Badger."

A/N: SHOUT OUTS: my little broney (MLB) for the OC Shadow, and for The Diabolic Gnome, for he is epic and because he was the first one to comment and the first to actually give a damn about anything I wrote. I demand you read his fic World of Pony: Warcraft is Magic.

How did you like todays chapter? I know I kinda rushed when they were waking up, but it was mainly for comedy, hell maybe even foreshadow if the possible ship gets enough likes or comments. Anything wrong or grammatically incorrect? Tell me!

~Keep calm and read on

Solar Eclipse / Badger

Old friends, new freinds, and even-WAIT WAT

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From leader to teacher, a Friend to.. Wait what just happened?

The class had gone by quick, since it was being taught by a certain hippogriff I had experience with in both training, and in the field. The six hour class (Oh yeah, did I mention? Each class takes up a day! FUCK MY LIFE!) felt more like five hours, literally. Maybe the nap I took helped. The bell rang announcing the end of the class. I ran up to Shadow and gave him a hug. "Its been to long, sir!"

"Yes it has Badger, yes it has." He let out a deep laugh. (a/n: The best way to describe his voice is like the Jarl of whiterun in Skyrim) "So how have you been, Badger?"

"Could be better, first day wasn't exactly.. Prime." I looked behind where Gilda was waking up from a nap and shook her head to clear her thoughts. I looked back to Shadow, "How about you? How have you been?"

"Couldn't be doing better myself, retirement got to boring so I signed up as a teacher. The bond-mate is happy I'm finally doing something and out of her feathers for a couple of hours out of the day." We both chuckled, followed by silence. A silence that a was broken as Gilda purposefully bumped into my side with her hips, and walked to the door, turning back to wait for me.

"You know, we need to talk about the Battle of the Everfree.."

My gaze moved to him, and I said sadly, "Yes sir... I know." I looked back to Gilda, who was waiting impatiently for me to get done with the conversation and move on to the cafeteria for dinner Lunch gets delivered to the class rooms. Fucking high-horse shit here. "I'll speak to you about it soon, okay sir?" I saw that he nodded, and I made my way to Gilda. She 'bumped into me... Lets see how she reacts to this..."Where too, hot stuff?" She was caught off guard and turned away, blushing. SUCCESS!

"We-well um.. Which b-bell was that again?"

"Time to go home." I started to smile, listening to her stutter awkwardly.

"Stop Smileing! I'm uhh.. Sick, yeah, sick." She added in a few fake coughs to back herself up.

"Oh well in that case, you better make you way to the infirmary, I'll meet up with you tomorrow then." I started to walk off in the opposite direction.

"No wait! Fuck.. " She ran up beside me. "I hate you."

"Keep telling your self that, one day you might actually believe it." I looked over to her. If stares could kill, I would be dead. "C'mon, Gilda, lets go hunting." She perked up at that and smiled. She took off to the air and headed to the forest nearby. I took off and followed her, enjoying the veiw... Of the ground.
You sick perverts!

She led me to a small clearing in the forest, with a small creek running down the middle. We landed and sat on a rock over looking the creek and most of the clearing. She leaned over and whispered softly,"Pretend to be tired, the animals on the side of the clearing will slowly approach to drink. I'll be high up and I'll dive onto one, when I do, hit it from the side." I nodded.

She took off to the sky heading to the school grounds, but my vision can tell she was making an extremely big circle. I looked to the water beneath me, and spread out my wings as wide as I could, a damn good sixteen feet, and laid down on the warm rock. I looked up to the sound of steps, and saw a herd of ten or so deer run out of the forest, followed by a griffon chasing them. They looked behind themselves at the griffon, and ran by me, by six feet. The griffon on the ground looked up, and stopped giving chase, as Gilda rammed into a large buck full force. I jumped up and pounced on the same target after her, my beak sinking into the base of the skull, killing it instantly. The rest of the deer ran off as fast as they could, and watched from the wood line. The third griffon kind of stood around, waiting for the body to stop twitching.

I looked over to the newcomer. "Who are you? I haven't seen you around the school." I noticed how small the newcomer was and its stature. Female. Smaller muscles for one around the school's age... Maybe smarter then she looks? Soft yellow wings but dark brown everywhere else... Interesting color's for a griffon.

"Oh.. Um.. I'm Victory.."

"Nice to meet you. If it wasn't for you leading them out, we wouldn't be able to eat... Go ahead and eat, I can wait."

"Oh, um.. Thanks..." She started to eat, and Gilda looked at me. What is that!? Is it jealousy? Fuck it. I need to speak to her later anyways.

"Gilda, you go on, I can wait."

She shrugged and started to dig in.

```````````````````````````````````````````an hour later```````````````````````````````````````

"So what was that all about, Gilda?" I cornered her as soon as Victory took off. She was being a bitch to her.

"What do you mean?" Gilda said, acting confused.

"You treated Victory like she was nothing the entire time, not even bothering to speak to her unless it was something rude. And to think I thought you left the jackasses in the group alone, changed your ways. Obviously i was fooled. Where are your loyalties, Gilda? Have you no shame?" My voice was raising till I was practically yelling at her, almost like a drill Sergeant would to a new recruit. She's tough, I could yell as loud as I could and she wouldn't cry. Good.. She didn't answer, so I stated the obvious.

"ANSWER. ME. You have a choice. Help the little guys, or be hated by them for life. The only group that accepts you is the group that makes you prove yourself to every day that you're 'cool'! You're either with me, or against me!" I lowered my voice to a whisper so she would listen. "What'll it be?"

She looked on the ground for a moment, then back up and stared into my eyes. "I'm with you. It's just.. I've been really confused lately..."

"It's okay to be confused, suddenly changing like that.. Err.. This.. Does that." I had calmed down alot. I need to work on my temper... Yep. Work on Temper. New checklist, 1) Work on temper 2) Uncode what I may or may not feel for Gilda- scratch that, 1) Uncode, 2) Temper. There we go. "You should've seen me in my first week of basic... It was sad. I was sad. So weak and the change to solider was a hard one." I started to chuckle loudly.

"Changing the subject, what did you do while in the military?"

"All but a little bit is classified. I worked for Celestia and Luna themselves. Sometimes as a guard, sometimes as a solider on a top secret mission." I made my way to the middle of the field again, on the large flat rock over the creek, and laid down. Gilda laid down across from me. "If you were wondering about battles I was in... There was the Battle for Everfree, Operation Eclipse, and Operation Dawn."

"Everfree? i heard you mention that to Shadow, what happened?"

"I... Don't want to talk about it." I looked up to the darkening sky, towards the rising moon, followed by stars. B-e-a-utiful...Times like these... I fight for 'em.

"Was it that bad?" She sounded closer.

"Critical mission failure. Entire squad wiped out. Only two survivors. Me and Shadow..."

"Oh... Won't you be in trouble for for telling me that?"

"Maybe, as long as no one else knows or finds out, I should be fine." I heard some shuffleing to the my right, most likely Gilda moving around, getting comfy

"Remember how you told me to make a choice, against you or with you? And I said With you?"

"Yes.. Why?" I looked over and her beak was not even an inch from mine. I was to surprised to even move.

"I choose you." She leaned in and kissed me.

The first night suddenly entered my mind, in full clarity. What happened. FUCK. NO.

A/N: SAUCEHHH lol. Since no one gone against the ship, I did it. HATERS GONNA HATE, BITCHES.
Tell me what you thought of this chapter, how future chapters can be improved, or how i can add in YOUR OC'S to my fanfic. Victory was an idea of my little broney (MLB) as was Shadow. (Don't worry Diabolic Gnome, we are still in the woods, which leaves some thought for next chapter.


Once again, send me a message for possible OC usage! I can't have one guy take all the OC positions!!

~Keep calm and read on

Solar Eclipse / Badger


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what REALLY happened

`````The following takes place during the party in 'Healing and... parties?'````````

Gilda had chugged down the two alcoholic drinks faster then I have ever seen in my life. Faster then Shadow did, or even myself. She got two more and handed me one saying,"Hey, loosen up some, some of the guests might not want to see their host as a loser!" She wandered off. The famous DJ was playing some good tunes. the best was pulsating throughout the entire dorm room, shaking kegs and cans alike. I guess I could loosen up a little... What could possibly go wrong?

I opened up the Applejack Daniels, and took a couple of sips. Wow, that's.. Actually kind of good.. I took a swig. Very good.... As i took another swig from my 3/4 full drink, a random Griffon ran up to me, his drink only a fourth full. "Ever hear of the game?" He asked.


"Well the rules are simple. Cheers." He help up his drink, and I tapped my own against his. "On the table." He tapped the bottom of his drink on a nearby table, I followed suit. "Over the head." He circled his head with his drink once, and I followed.

"Now finish your drink." He started drinking his AJ Daniels. I followed suit, taking more gulps then he did.


He walked away all casual. I took another full drink from a nearby table, that had been unopened. I opened it and drank half of it in one go. Really good... I saw a nearby pegasus mare with a full drink, and I walked up to her. "Ever hear of the game?"

```````` an hour later, along with 5 AJD's later````````````

"So me and my squad entered the Everfree forest on the South Eastern side, while bravo was on the North Eastern...


I was travelling through the damp foliage that was the ground of the Everfree forest, along with two other hippogriffs and two griffons. Shadow was in the lead and turned back to us. "Remember, stay low, keep quiet, and stay calm. The bandits have us more then heavily out numbered. Watch your sectors, and keep close with your blood-brothers. Understood?"

"Yes, sir." The entire squad including myself replied.

We had been in the forest for three days, making slow progress, only moving at night. the time was 0500 Hours, and we had gotten wind that the bandits that had been fucking around with Las Pegasus and Manehatten were moving camp sites. We had to be in our destined locations in five minutes. The griffons were carrying crossbows on their backs, as well as a smaller single shot strapped onto their talons, for close quarters, and for silence. I was carrying the newest prototype weapon created, CODENAMED Minigun. It was a six barrel weapon that spun up and then fired projectiles specifically made for it. It was thought powered. I wore it strapped onto me, the weapon aimed from my right shoulder, the ammo on the other side to balance the weight of it.

We made out way out into an open field. the destination. I turned to the two griffons. "you two, head up into the tallest trees, and fire only on my mark." they flew off to the two tallest trees surrounding the field, and aimed their larger crossbows at the other side.

The combat paint the rest of us wore covered all of our feathers in black, as if the night itself engulfed us. And not two minutes later, came a cautious pony, a pegasus. He poked his head out and looked around the large field. Senseing nothing was amiss, he stepped out. As well did about fifty griffons and ponies. This is not good, our sources were wrong.. There should only be fifteen! why are... Then I saw the two griffons with the crossbows land, and hug some of the griffons like they were family... FUCK! NO! My eyes darted around, looking for Shadow, and I saw him on the other side of the clearing. He was looking at the display as well. Then gave me the signal. Orders are orders... I trusted them...WE trusted them... The thought powered minigun powered up, clicking as all six barrels started to spin. i jumped out of my cover, and let the bullets fly. The weapon's noise was deafening to be so close, it was like a stick of dynamite exploded and oneself was way to close to it.

The two traitors were instantly filled, blood flying away from them in ways i never even seen before. Shadow had run up and flanked them from the side, tearing out throats like as if he was hunting the damn enemy. Valor (the other hippogriff) attack from the other flank, as I laid down fire on the middle. It wasn't long until the 'click click click click" of the gun did I realize I wasted more ammo on two griffons then I did on twenty. I unstrapped the weapon, and dived talon-first- into the still oncoming horde of enemies. I was slicing and dicing any that came my way that were not pitch black and were about three times the size of any pony.

Then, a searing pain hit my left eye. I stopped my fighting, and stared at the attacker. It was a male griffon, backed by three more. In the background I could see shadow was up against the same circumstances. I tried to open my left eye, but i couldn't see from it. My talon reached up, and i felt a large wound going down from my eye. OO a battle scar... Let me give you something in return... "Now listen here, we can do dis da easy way, or da hard way." The griffon said, with an extremely heavy Manehatten accent. Stop saying words. I charged, digging my talons into his chest as deep as I could go. then i spun around, yanking my razor blades out of him, and sliced the one's neck who was behind him. i used my powerful hind legs to kick me into the air, and landed on the one on his other side, and impaled the back of his neck with my beak, instantly killing him.

I heard a loud screech. The screech of a dying hippogriff. I looked back to Shadow. He was still standing. I looked for Valor, but couldn't find him. I heard him though... "TELL MY BOND MATE I-" and then silence. There was a group of about eight griffons starting to laugh. Shadow made his way to me. "Kill them all." We both flew up a couple hundred feet, and dived. I hit two of them hard. I broke ones wings, and then silenced his pleas of mercy with a quick cut to the neck. The other i beat senseless into a bleeding mess. I looked at Shadow, who was covered in blood. He killed the remaining six with his beak only. Then..

We ran.

```````````````````````````Back to the party````````````````

It was about seven hours into the party, and many were heading home. I made my way to my bed which was occupied by some unknown person. i just climbed in next to them and stared at the calendar. There was something written on it.. About the present day...


````````````````````````````````````````Back to present````````


A/N: AND THAT IS WHY GILDA IS FORCING HERSELF ON HIM ONE DAY IN! Is'nt it good to pester the author so that he'll make a quick chapter in under 3 hours before he goes to sleep?


Keep calm and read on

~Solar Eclipse / Badger


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running for ones life

It's ok.. it's okay.. Gotta stay calm. Gilda finally broke the kiss. "Hey uhh.. Gilda..."

"Yes?" She kept staring into my eyes, fluttering her own.

"Is it by chance these.. Emotions.. Showed themselves today at seven?"

She looked confused for a second, wondering why I asked that when she was clearly wanting me. Then she nodded uncertainly. "Ah. okay. That clears things up.. HEY LOOK A MALE!" I pointed behind her. She turned and looked around excitedly. I shot off to the air, and I heard a loud "HEY! COME BACK HERE!" behind me. I looked behind myself as I flew as fast as I could, to see Gilda catching up. SWEET BABY CELESTIA, NO! I pumped my wings harder, gaining speed. I looked back to the air portion of the school. There were somehow fires. It looked like as if the movies with the zombies actually hit the place hard.

All I could see were females of every kind walking or flying around, most in a trance. A group of about six and growing was chaing after a red pegusas. The pegasus saw me and changed course to me. He flew beside me. "THEY'VE GONE CRAZY!"

"I know! Is there a safehouse anywhere near here!?!?" I yelled back, now being followed by Gilda and eighteen other females.

"There's a safehouse yes.. But we have to lose them first." He motioned to the large growing group behind us. I heard Gilda scream out, "THE HIPPOGRIFF IS MINE!!" The pegasus beside me looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Don't ask." He nodded.


We both flew as hard and as fast as we could, Flying between cloud buildings, forcing some of the pursuers to stop or hit the building. Gilda was still gaining, taking more risks then we did, skimming across the tops of buildings and the sides of buildings and pushing off to get more speed. This is not going to end.. Er... Huh.. Good in the long run... For me or him.

"GO! I'll distract the griffon!"

"Your sacrifice shall not be in vain!" He saluted and sped off, with a firey trail after him.

"I turned around still making my way forward to the safehouse. "YOU WANT SOME GILDA? COME GET IT!" I turned around and flew into a nearby building, and out one of the windows, then off the cloud itself to the ground. She hit me from under me, even as i was going straight down. We landed on a small white cloud barely big enough to hold myself, and she was on top. NONONNNNONONONONNONOOOOO.

She leaned down to kiss me, but I headbutted her as hard as I could, causing her to stumble off me, and the cloud. SAFEHOUSE. NEAR. NOT CLOSE ENOUGH. I got up, and took to the air again, only to be hit by three female pegasi. CELESTIA DAMMIT. I hit the cloud again, with Gilda now joining the three, I prayed for help. Fire Storm showed up and bucked all four off of me, and we ran as fast as we could away from the insane mares and female griffon.

```````````````````````an hour of running and ninja'ing around later``````````````

We ran into the red door'd room, and slammed the door. "BACK VILE DEMONS!!" I yelled at the huge mob that had followed us.

We were out of breath and I sat down against the door, putting my weight against it. The force Gilda was pushing against the door was extreme, everytime she hit there was a lound BANG. The force moved me a little. "What is the door made out of?" I asked the flame-red pegasus

"Solid titanium with steel support.." he said sadly.

Suddenly I heard Gilda yell out from the other side,"CHALLENGE ACCEPTED." Followed by another big bang

"We're screwed... Literally."

"I know...So whats your name?"

"I'm Badger. How about you?"

"Wait, YOU'RE Badger? The one that fought against those griffons and won?"

"Yeah, the same."

"Well, I'm Fire Storm."

"I head of you.. Hoofball and Wingball player, right?"

"The one and only." He said smiling widely. Was that a smile? I'm not used to pony reactions or facial expressions.. Its so hard to tell what they are thinking without a beak...

"Okay, so any plans?"

He shook his head now, Then I saw from the corner of my eye someone approaching. Shadow. "Badger, back away from the door, I got a lot of shit that needs to be pushed in front of it."

"Yes, sir." I got up, leaving Fire Storm to hold the door for a second, as me and Shadow pushed a huge steel row of footlockers over to the door. "Now move!" He did and we pushed it over the entire doorway.

"What now?' Fire Storm asked.

"Need more, that isn't going to stop Gilda" I said in reply

"NEED MORE LOCKERS!!!" Shadow yelled, and went to a back room. carrying anything from toilet paper to iron chairs. "No lockers. But we have, TECHNOLOGY!" And he threw a projector at the newly huge mess of a pile we call a barricade

"Now we wait until the heat is over." I said, taking out three large piles of hay. We all laid down listening to Gilda on the other side cursing at the increased effort she had to put into each hit. Till it stopped.

"Badger.. Its okay to come out now. Everything is okay. The heat is over..." Gilda whispered softly from the other side of the door. I looked over to Shadow, and he shook his head.

"Sorry Gilda, gonna have to wait till you're in your right mind to-"






"....Shadow do we have any earphones or something so we don't hear this bitch?"



"Yeah here you go" Shadow gave me some, I put them in my ears and went to sleep.

A/N: howdy readers! sorry for short chapter, just wanted to get day one of Heat day under wraps, the next chapter (and maybe after it) are going to be on an entire 'heat' day

How did you like this chapter? Let me know in the comments!

Keep calm, and read on

~Solar Eclipse / Badger

The team

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Take one for it

The sound blocking expertise of the ear phones was amazing, though I could still hear some sort of shouting, though extremely muffled. In fact, it's said muffled shouts that woke me up.. Plus the feeling of my hooves and talons being tied together.

I opened my eyes slowly, blinking away the blurriness. A lot of faces came into view. They all looked at me, as if they were sad. All of the faces were male. Must be new comers, arriving from last night or something... I turned my head to see what was going on Shadow was looking at me and took the ear phones out of my ears, and said, "Sorry, brother. Gilda didn't rest at all last night, and she will only stop if she gets you. That's also the only reason the others are here, she's only stopping so we can send you out. She promised to leave us alone after. You're going to have to take one for the team." My eyes opened in horror, and my mind cleared quickly.

I tried to open my beak to respond, but it was tied shut with duct tape. no no no,nonononononononono! NOOOO!!! I tried to wiggle my out of what binded my legs together but couldn't. I looked down to see it was both chains and ropes. My wings were roped to my sides. I looked back to Shadow. IF I GET OUT OF THIS, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU. He smiled sickly at me, and nodded to a nearby unicorn. I felt the greenish aura engulf me, and slowly lift me up above the floor.

I struggled more, trying to make my out of the aura, of which kept following me or pulling me back into it. The entire barricade was almost down, save for the lockers. I turned back to everyone, pleading with my eyes. The lockers moved to the side revealing the door, and Fire Storm couldn't meet my eyes. "Sorry Badger" Traitor. I stared at him, hoping he could feel my thought burn into his skin. The door opened, revealing mares. MARES. MARES EVERYWHERE. Oh, and Gilda, and a shit ton of female griffons. The second my body cleared the doorway, the door slammed shut and everything was moved back into place.

I hit the ground hard on my beak at the talons of Gilda. I looked up to her. She had not a bruise on her, though she had been beating the door all night long. I tried my best to smile awkwardly, but the tape had stopped that. She leaned down a little bit, putting her beak an inch or so away from my ear and said, "We are going to have... Sooo much fun today.." She then kissed my ear. Loading... Loading.... Done. NO CELESTIA, NO! HELP MEEEEE SOMEONEEEEEEEE HELP MEEE!!!!!

"Excuse me, but the Great and Powerful Trixie thinks that since he is the only male out and about, we should all have a turn." A light blueish unicorn from the corner of my vision said, getting agreements from other females. Gilda let our a low growl.

"I said he was mine. Got a problem with that?"

"Why yes, the Great and Powerful Trixe DOES indeed have a problem with that!"

Gilda flexed her talons. "Want to fight about it?"

"On second thought maybe not-"

"INDEED WE DO!" Came an extremely loud shout from down the hall. The females parted way for a large dark blue coated female. I turned a little to get a better view. An alicorn. "WE DEEM IT NECESSARY TO FIGHT, AS WE ONCE DID A THOUSAND YEARS AGO, OVER MALES!!!!!"

FUCK NO! PRINCESS LUNA TOO!?!?!? WHY CELESTIA!? WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME!?!? Suddenly a small burst of green flame appeared by my head with the royal seal. It opened itself up, and I read off of it:
Cause it's funny. ~PC


Another scroll randomly generated itself: Yes it is.

I looked back to the Gilda and Princess Luna, who were arguing. Maybe I can sneak away... I slwoly start to inchworm myself from the two, down the hall in the opposite direction. Things were going good, until the light blueish pony stepped in my way, and engulfing me in her aura. I went flying down the hall with her leading me and where I gone. SOMEONE HELP MEEEEEE!!!!

Then off in the distance, "WHERE HAS HE GONE!? WE MUST FIND HIM AT ONCE!"



The heat-induced unicorn laughed maniacally as she ran with me, catching the attention of the other females."THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXE IS VICTORIOUS!!" The resulting sound was that of a Calvary charge, and a griffon air raid mixed. OH NO! ITS A FUCKING ARMY!!! THEY ALL WANT THE DICK!! The constant jarring of being moving by magic was loosening the bindings on my legs and wings. The tape on my beak was painstakingly-slowly sliding off.

Just as the unicorn was passing a room that had a window, said window broke in, and Gilda ran into the unicorn, knocking the unicorn out instantaneously. I dropped to the ground from hovering a good three feet in the air. OW! Shit that hurt! I looked up in time to see Gilda grabbing onto me and flying back out the large window she had broke in.

Just like the unicorn, she too was more affected by heat then before, for being in such close proximity of her *ahem* 'chosen one', that she too did not notice the binding coming loos, and eventually falling off. I put my beak as close as I could to her ears, and let out the loudest screech I could possibly make. The surprised griffon instantly let go and covered her ears, letting me free fall. I snapped out my wings and made the fastest trip I had ever made, to the nearby forest. I landed running into the tree's, and hid like a little hippogriff would if there were dragons overhead.

I looked up, seeing Gilda making large circles about the forest. Periodically she would let out a screech of loss and sadness as she looked for me. I looked around me to make sure there were no other females- And saw Victory. She was looking at me. "What's wrong Badger?" she said, her head tilting to the side Inquisitively.

I looked back up to the now darkening sky. "You have to help me, every female is in heat, and the guys kicked me out of the safehouse and-"





I looked to Victory, who somehow ninja'd her way to me and stood less then a foot away, and still approaching me. I could see the heat in her eyes. WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ME!! I took off, deeper into the woods, and Victory was following, flapping her wings every now and again, to get closer and closer to her prey, me. Suddenly out of no where, the tell tell sign of a griffon diving, a loud whistle, was heading straight down at us. Suddenly Gilda crashed into Victory.

The two females were battling it out in the evening, but I stayed close, close enough to stop the fight if needed to. As the sun gone down, Gilda had pretty much won the fight. She flew her way over to me and asked, "Do you finally accept me?"

I looked at where the sun was, and decided to have a little fun. "Yes."

She leaned in and kissed me, just as the sun disappeared and into the night. Gilda's eyes fluttered for a second, as the day ended, ending the Heat as well. She stared at me long and hard and broke the kiss awakwardly. "Did I just kiss you?"


"Did I chase you?"


"Did i try and-"


What's the matter? Dragons?

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For there is one they fear... In their tongue, it is Badger... THE HIPPOGRIFF!

Gilda face-taloned on the spot. I wasn't sure how to act to that, or how to respond, so I put my arm around her and said, "There there...?" Just as she put down her talon, a burst of green flame appeared in the air before us. It disintegrated into a scroll with the Royal Seal. I reached up and took, breaking the seal with my left talon. I read it out loud.

"Badger, you are reinstated to the ERA Spec Ops as of this moment. For one very important mission, as well as one comrade you wish to take. The following is to be read by yourself, and your companion.

Mission: Either kill or discourage a large black dragon wishing to 'reclaim' his land. His 'land' includes: Ponyville, Everfree forest, the mountains around Ponyville, and all in between. You are to meet up with some very interesting creatures. Treat them like you would a Blood Brother, for they are new to Equestria.

Other info: This dragon is old enough to have been around when the Everfree forest was just a shrubbery. Take extreme caution when fighting him. The comrades you are going to meet are VERY powerful, I suggest you do not piss them off.

Locale: Field in the Everfree forest, once again, make haste to the location. You do not have time to take armor, but you do however have time for a weapon of choice. Think it and I shall send you one.

Resources available: One weapon. Once completed you with have 3,500 Bits added to both your names in the ERA bank."

I Iooked over to Gilda, who stared at me, worry in her eyes. "I'll chose you. You already know the mission, so I can't chose Shadow... But you were my second choice."

"Good! I wouldn't want to worry, about saving your sorry ass."

"Save me? Baby, baby.." She blushed. SUCCESS! "... I needed saving earlier today.. FROM you."

She looked away awkwardly, scratching the back of her neck with her talon softly. I looked back to the scroll.One weapon of my choice...I choose Rage. Just as i thought that, I felt my body heat up intensely. I felt anger pulsing through my body, and yet controlled. I didn't see everything around me, yet I could feel everything there. Like I didn't see Victory watching from a distance, but I felt her presence and movements.

"Ready Gilda?"

"Uh, yeah sure... Dragon.. Woohoo... Yeah...- WAIT. Did you say PONYVILLE?"

"Um.. Yeah..."

"I can't go there... To many bad memories..."

"Don't worry, we wont be in the town.. I hope. We'll be in the forest near it though."


"Only if the dragon stays in the forest, if not then its fair game."

We both opened out our wings, and took to the skies.

``````````````TEN HOURS OF NOTHING LATER``````````````

Me and Gilda slowed down, and landed on a rock in the middle of a field in the Everfree. Surprisingly the rock we were on looked alot like our rock in the other forest- WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH. Our rock? Where did that come from? The rock. Der we go. And we waited, had enough time to sleep in a good amount of hours, till we awoke at the sound some..Thing speaking, and an EXTREMELY deeper and loud-ass voice responding.

“HAIL my name is Azok Sunwalker, may I inquire as to what you are doing in this peaceful land.”


“It matters because you are close to a village and we are worried that you might harm them.”


Me and gilda woke up from our naps and stared. There was this... Cow thing..? Minotaur almost..? No? Either way it had some kick-ass armor. Speaking to the HUGE MOTHER FUCKING DRAGON. By huge, I mean big enough to eat seven hippogriffs whole, and still be hungry.

"Holyyy shiittt.." I said in awe at the dragon, and at the brave cow thingy talking to it.

"Yeah, I know... Wow..."

"You see? This is why hippogriffs can't have nice things. We always get sent to do political shit, or war shit. not that I mind the war stuff... BUT TO HELL WITH POLITICS!"

“I am not challenging you dragon, I am merely checking to be sure that you have no malicious intent to the villagers.”


“What do you mean, dragon?”


“I am sorry dragon but I must protect those that now inhabit this land. If you do not leave peacefully I will have to remove you by force.”

"IT SEEMS I HAVE NO CHOICE, THEN. ” The dragon swung its huge-fuck-shit-up- claw at the cow thingy, who BARELY managed to dodge out of the way.

“So this is what it comes to, then??”


Just as the dragon said so, golden wings sprouted from the cow-beasts's back. As the wings were growing to the full size, five arrows (seemingly shot out of fucking nowhere) embedded themselves into the dragon's jaw. Then they fucking exploded, blasting it's head back. the attack didn't show any physical damage, but was highly entertaining to watch. It provided with just enough of a distraction, that the cow-thingy charged underneath the dragon, starting to slice it up with one huge ass axe. The cow thingy yelled out something, and a FUCKING SABER TOOTH CAT ran out of the woods, pouncing onto the dragon. The cat dug its claws and teeth into the dragon, only getting an annoyed, yet minor painful response. It let loose a HUGE roar. The roar itself made the ground beneath myself and Gilda shake violently, like an earthquake had just stopped by to say 'hey wazzup'. the dragon opened its jaws and let out a HUGE spurt of flames. The cow thingy was suddenly surrounded by a bright light, that seemingly protected him, but the force of the blow itself shot it back at us.

"Oh shit!" I quickly pushed Gilda out of the way and jumped back, and the cow thingy SLAMMED into the rock we were on, crunching it into dust.

"We can take the dragon, C'mon badger!"


"At least he did protect Equestria! Unlike SOME soldier I know."

".... If we survive this, I am going to vent out all the anger, pain, and frustration from my entire life out on you." I looked to the cow thing, seeming to get out of his daze "Hey big boy, get the fuck up, we got a dragon to fight."

As I flew up to the dragon, a huge ass golden hammer fell from nowhere and nailed it in the neck. It didn't seem to do any lasting damage on the dragon. I flew about seven meters away from the dragon, and said as loudly as I could, "By the order of the Equestrian Army, Stop!"

“IT HAS BEEN CENTURIES SINCE I HAVE TASTED HIPPOGRIFF. YOU WILL MAKE A FINE MEAL!” OH FUCK NO! the claw of overkilled-size-and-speed-of-doom Came racing for me. I quickly folded my wings in and dived between the foreclaw and the middle claw, narrowly missing my head. I took to the air and started about 50 or so yards away from it.

Arrows kept coming from the tree's nonstop, embedding themselves into the dragon's wings. The sabertoothed cat thingy (who had already been thrown off by that time) had climbed its way up the dragon and to the base of the skull, still climbing higher.

A blueish aura engulfed the dragon, somehow stopping it in its tracks, letting the Saber cat climb to the face of it. Gilda came down from the sky, screeching, and jabbed the dragon's eyes with her talons, making it blind. It sarted to move as the blue aura disappeared. Off in the distance I heard “FUCK YOU GRIFFIN!!”

The dragon went mad, flailing around to any and all noises, unfortunetly for the cow guy, he was its chosen victim. As the dragon chased him, I saw Gilda dive out of the sky again, and pick up the huge bovine. How the fuck is she even able to carry him?!

````````````````````````Gilda's POV````````````````````

HOLY HELL, HE IS HEAVY AS FUCK!! I had a problem staying in flight due to holding the huge axe-wielding ox

“Hey, fly up above the dragons head, then drop me.” It said to me. stared at it in disbelief.

"The fuck!? ARE YOU CRAZY!?"

“Just do it, feather brain!” The nerve!!!

"Call me Feather brain, one more time, and it is his jaws for you!" I yelled to him.

“Just do it.”

I flapped my wings hard, definetly overexerting myself to get up high. At the end of my endurance, it was around two hundred feet, give or take.

“Ok now what genius?” I said, looking below for Badger.

“Drop me.”

“Thought you’d never ask!” And I let go

“HERE'S THE BEEF!!!!” I heard the cow thing yell. I don't even.. Want to know... Wow... Tired.. And I flew down to the ground softly landing, and yawning.

`````````````````Badger's POV```````````

"HERE'S THE BEEF!!!!" I heard coming from above. s i was running for my life, I saw the bovine (with it's huge axe), fall through the air at incredible speeds, and slam directly into the dragon's head. The axe didn't even penetrate the scales, but it did bend five or six.


the dragon bellowed loudly as mr. cow-guy fell off (but with the axe still in the dragons scales). He turned to Gilda, who was resting a small distance away, to tired to move. I saw as he breathed in, getting ready an inferno of fire.

"OH, THE HELL YOU ARE NOT!" I yelled out at the top of my lungs, and zoomed to Gilda. No time to think! JUST DO! I spread my wings far, and then engulfed her in them. Like a protective shield. I held onto her with my arms around her, and the wave of fire washed over me. I felt no burning, but I did feel heat. Lots and lots of heat.

"Remember when i told you that hippogriffs have a different sort of magic..."

Gilda nodded. I opened my eyes. "This is mine." I said, as the Rage built up inside of me, ready to explode and kill everything in sight if need be.

``````````````Gilda's POV`````````````````````

I looked up to see Badger, take the entire blow of fire, though he looked unscathed. He opened his eyes and looked to me. "Rememebr when I said hippogriffs had a sort of magic? yeah. this is mine." His eyes changed... to pitch black, but with orbs of fire in the middle. He flared out his wings to shake off some of the ash that had gathered, and turned around.

``````````Badger's POV``````````````````

I turned around. I can feel the rage, as time slowed down around me. I launched myself from the ash around me and Gilda, and landed on the dragons head. I grabbed the huge axe that was there (easily twice my size, but the Rage helped me lift it up out of the dragon scales). I used my left talon to grip the scales, and rip them off the dragon forcibly, revealing the softer skin underneath. "THIS IS WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU TRY TO HURT MY GIRLFRIEND!" And i slammed the axe down into the skull of the dragon. I repeated the process of slamming the blade of the axe into the same spot, until finally the dragon gave out under me, and collapsed on itself. I took a deep breath, and made the loudest screech I had ever made in my life.

“HEY! SHUT HE HELL UP WILL YA?” I heard in the background “YA KILLED A DRAGON, BIG WOOP!!!” I ignored it. Instead I promptly jumped off the dragon, walked up to Gilda, and kissed her deeply.

“BOW CHIKA WOW WOW!!!” I ignored that too. I did not stop kissing Gilda until i head steps behind me.

"Hay thanks for helping us kill the dragon... We could have done it without you, my name is Azok and that’s Vinny back there.”


“Don’t you mean couldn’t?”


"Whether you could or couldn't, I was sent by Celestia to make sure it happened. I am Staff sergeant Badger, of the Equetrian Army. This is my... friend Gilda. What exactly are you by the way?”

“Im a Tauren and Vinny is a Goblin. Were from a different dimension we got sent here by a botched spell our friend cast.”

“Uhhh huh.. well, good luck with that, as well as getting back."

“Hay Vinny can you go check on Lyra?" As the short green 'goblin' walked away he continued “So you were sent by Celestia to make sure that the dragon got killed.”

"Killed or encouraged to leave, correct. But i also think she wanted us to meet. not sure why.”

“Well wile you ponder that im gonna get my axe back.”

“LOOK HUMANS.” I heard she'll in the background by the one named Vinny.



Then I heard Az yell as he went to the dragon for his axe. “WHAT THE HELL MAN YOU BROKE MY AXE!!" he sounded pissed off

“I could make you another one of dragon scales? But till then.. SUCKS FOR YOU!” I yelled to him

“Naw I can get Vinny to fix it later. Speaking of later its getting dark so were going back to Ponyville wanna come with?”

"No can do, gotta get ready for classes tomorrow, and I'm not exactly welcome there... Tell Dash and the others i'm sorry, got it?"

Ok sure what ever that means." The bovine warrior said.

Me and Gilda watched as the same bovine turned into a drake, picked up a tealish unicorn, and Vinny, an flew off.





What the FUCK WAS THAT?!???!?!?!!?!

A/N: how was today's chapter?? Sorry it took so long to get out! All credit for the idea for te cross over comes from 'the diabolic gnome' which you have seen posting on the chapters, I NEED you to read his fics. There is always another side to another story!

Keep calm and read on

~Solar Eclipse / Badger

For here is cow thingy and Vinny goblin thingy :P

Questions and answers

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Because curiosity is killing cats everywhere

After the freak out between myself and Gilda over the bovine turning into a small dragon, she looked at me. "That never happened."


An awkward silence followed before Gilda said,"So... Girlfriend, huh?" referring to when I beat the shit out of the dragon.

"Shit, I said that out loud?" She nodded and nuzzled my neck.

"Indeed you did Mr. Badass."

"Hehe..he... Yeaahh.."

"So what was that with you eyes and the 'fuck shit up' attitude?"

"Remember how I said I was in three major battles... That was from Operation Dawn..."

````````````````Flashback: warning minor dark and sad`````````````````
*One year after badger has completed training, two years before Everfree, some stuff for the mood here *

I sat with the flamethrowers on my back, both barrels hanging off my right and left side. Shadow across from me, doing the same. He had a cigarette lit, looking at a scroll wit statistics and maps. He spit out his cigarette and stood up.

"Alright ladies, we have ourselves a long day. It is currently 0300, the Diamond Dogs have gotten locations along the route hunkered down and heavily defended, here, here, and here." He pointed to the positions in turn. "We have fifty hippogriffs coming along with us on the raid, and about a thousand griffons and ponies mixed. Griffons, speaking of you, your job is to protect the griffons with the flamethrowers, at all costs. ALL of them, myself, Badger, and Valor included. We will be on the main strike force. Speaking of which, get ready. We're going in."

Just as he finished the last word the entire carriage shook heavily, and Valor got up tot he door and kicked it out, knocking it off its hinges and nailing a Diamond Dog with a crossbow. I heard Shadow yell out, "BURN 'EM OUT!" I jumped out after five griffons, and lit the front of the flamethrowers. I looked to the still dark skies and saw carriages everywhere, coming down and landing, as some more moved as far up as they could. Some had been hit with catapults, and shattered in mid air, killing most inside. One of the carriages exploded in a violent explosion of fire. Forty nine, with flamethrowers. And arrow whizzed by my head. I ran forward along with Valor and Shadow, as well with about fifty griffons and ponies, all clad in armor.

We made it to a steep hill below a bunker, and stayed there as the others moved up, some getting hit by arrows and screaming out in pain, or instantly killed. I looked to shadow, who said one word. "Go." All three of us stood up, fires blazing with a loud whissshhhh of the gases inside, and then an even louder WHOOOSHH as fire leaped from the metal tubes, straight into the bunker in front of us. We were rewarded with screams of diamond dogs, and wood popping form the fire.

Valor and Shadow stopped with the streams of fire when the screaming stopped, while i continued, just staring at the fire, until they poked my side. I looked over to them and back to the stream, and stopped it. "Lets go." I said darkly. A arrow once again whizzed by my head, and another hit my armor covering my shoulder, leaving a dent. Shadow, Valor, and myself pushed forward along with some unicorns in golden armor, burning any diamond dogs in our wake, the unicorns leading the fire away with their magic. Every now and again the fire will be shot, turning into a ball, and sent into the distance with a large explosion killing multiple diamond dogs at once.

We finally got to the next bunker, that was having arrows shot out fast then I thought possible. Three of the unicorns from the group we met had teamed up with us, had landed next to us three. "Ready? GO!" Shadow yelled, and all of us jumped up. The unicorn meant to cover me instantly got shot five times, two in the head and three in the chest. We let loose the streams of living flame, Mine went off of course, but I willed the fire to move a little, hitting the right side of the bunker.

After a minute of streaming the flame, Valor and Shadow looked at me happily. "Do you know what you did?" Valor asked.

"No, what?"

"You controlled the flame. You found your Rage."

We made our way to the last bunker, that had been emptied of its inhabitants, who were sitting on the ground on their knees, hands over their heads. Shadow made his way to some more high ranking officials and asked, "Where are the other 'throwers?"

"Dead or MIA." replied the older who was looking at map with tacks and flags on it.

"What about the captives?"

"Do as you wish."

He made his way back and looked at the ten or so diamond dogs. "Burn 'em. For the Dominion."

"For the Dominion." Myself and valor responded, carrying out our orders.

After the battle I sent out a letter to my mother;

Mom, I'm awake and alive. I know why they call you Flame Star now. I found my Rage.

Any news on Dad's whereabouts?


"Did you do it?"

"Yes. Orders are orders."

"Oh... So whats a 'Rage'?"

"A rage is... Is when you... The equivalent of a Cutie Mark for ponies. It's our specialty, what we were experts at. Mine was fire. I got control over the fire, from my mom's side of the family. She was a unicorn, my father a griffon or hippogriff."

"Where was your father?"

"I don't know, no one does. No one has seen him since I got drafted."

She got pissed at that. "What!? How could he just do that? We have mates too! We may not have bond-mates but we have mates! We wouldn't leave them unless it was a good cause!" she leaned her side against mine and huffed loudly.

"So now what?"

"Soo.. girlfriend huh?" She asked again, looking up to me.

"May have been only a couple of day's we've known each other, but it feels longer. Like I've known you a lot longer then just a couple of days."

"I agree. So.. We're together now?"

I smiled. "If you think you can handle being with a solider... A hippogriff."

"Challenge accepted.." She leaned up and kissed me. "So now what?" She asked looking at the darkening horizon.

"Better head home, before others start to ask questions" I said taking off with her beside me, flapping our wing's in unison.

```````````````Back at the school ten hours later``````````````

We landed outside of the dorm rooms, where a group of griffons stopped us. The group of Scum, and villainy. The female I fought on the first day was at the front, beside Pete. In the back I saw a pegasus, but not clearly enough to discern color or gender

"What are you doing here, Ivy?" Gilda said, her eyes not leaving the female.

"Why, just wondering where my friend Gilda has gone, and why the lone ranger was gone as well. Maybe a thought crossed that the two were having some alone time in one of their beds."

"Leave us alone."

"Or what?" Ivy said, taking a step up.

"Or I'll cut you down like the vermin you are. I already had to kill a dragon today and I'm not wanting to kill anything else until tomorrow. However, i wouldn't mind ridding the world of you..." I said, taking a step forward, bringing my right talon up, and inspecting it casually.

"Ok, fine. I'll have a talk with you tomorrow Gilda."

"No you won't." Gilda said, leaning softly against me again. Ivy looked at us as she put two and two together (over a span of five minutes. She's not very bright...), and flew off in a huff, followed by her group of of scum and villainy.

I looked over to Gilda, and nodded. "Well done."

"I told you. I chose you."

Heya readers, how did you like tonight's chapter? Yesterdays chapter? Let me know! Anyways, next chapter is going to be a little introduction on how the 'group of scum and villainy' works. Who is the mysterious pegasus that was with them this chapter?

Still looking for OC's.

Keep calm and read on

~Solar Eclipse / Badger

One week later

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Kicking ass and chewing bubblegum... but I'm all out of gum.

The group of scum and villainy led by Ivy had me and Gilda cornered in the forest. They had followed us to our hunting spot, in a large number of maybe twenty or so griffons, half oh which were from rival schools in the area. The first words out of Ivy's mouth was, "Who dies first?"

"You don't want to do this, Ivy. I wasn't lying when I said I killed a dragon, even if I had help, I dealt the death blow to it."

"I really think your bluffing. Your only witness is you girlfriend, and she would choose your side regardless. So, yet again, who dies first? How about you Gilda?" Ivy took a step forward and placed her talon under Gilda's beak, looking at her thoughtfully. "Or maybe the 'soldier'?"

"You're starting to piss me off Ivy. You don't want to piss me off... Things tend to get killed when I'm pissed off." I could feel my pulse starting to increase, adrenaline pumping im my system, and the Rage building up inside of me. I wonder if I can do that yet...I only told Gilda a third of what really happened... I thought, thinking of another time in Operation Dawn.

"When I'M pissed off, griffons and friends tend to disappear."

I started to laugh, maniacally, the rage causing me to do so. I could feel my left talon start to twitch, itching for blood. "One more warning, Ivy, call off your goons, an no one gets hurt. Got it?"

Her and the party around us started to laugh. I mean, whats the odds of a single hippogriff beating the tar out of twenty griffons? 33.33(repeating of course)% "Lets start with the solider then."

[Let me take over.]

What the fuck? Who are you?

[I'm Rage. Your Rage to be exact. I'm the part of you that wants to kill everybody in the world]

So I have your voice in my head?

[Yes. Now, let me take care of this bitch and her friends. Give me control. Let me show them why they should fear us.]

Fine. But you must protect Gilda.

[Protecting her is how I got into your head, not Operation Dawn or Eclipse. I'm not going to let shit touch her.

Ivy was approaching me, reaching out with her talons

Do it.

[I am assuming direct control.]

Just as Ivy's talon touched me, time slowed down as Rage took over, then I (my body, controlled by Rage) moved with amazing speed. I reach up, grabbed her talon and launched her over me, throwing her at a group of five lackeys, knocking them down in a gaze. I zoomed over to where the knocked down group was, picked up two of them and spun them around, knocking a charging five more to the ground.

I picked up Ivy, who was currently holding onto another griffon for dear life, and slammed both of them beak first into the ground. The rest had already gotten up and flew around me, and diving in coordinated waves. I dodged a female griffon, jumped up and grabbed onto Pete's legs, and swung him at the ground, smashing his head and beak into the rock in the middle, instantly knocking him out.

[Now for some fun] Rage said in my head, and I opened my beak, and breathed in. What I expected as a screech, came out both a screech and a wave of fire, leaving my beak. It engulfed three of the griffons,who screamed and stop-dropped-and-rolled on the ground putting themselves out, then ran the fuck away.

What the fuck was that!?!?!?

[Your magic. Don't tell me I have to explain this to you when you explained it to Gilda twice already. Point is, only can happen when I'm in charge, and can only be done when your pissed off enough. Happy?]

I'm so confused, I'm not even going to ask.

I took to the air, my wings surrounded in black flames, in turn any griffons that got close got burned, letting out a screech. Rage was enjoying it, the screams feeding his happiness like a wildfire engulfs a dry forest. Closing my beak, Rage grabbed a flying griffon, and flew up. As the griffon fought back I punched him in the face a couple of times, stopping his fighting. I kept flying up until normal clouds were well below me, and I turned in the air, and flew down. My wings ignited again, leaving a trail of black flames in the sky. As the griffon in my talons realized what was about to happen, he started to panic, wriggling to get free.

I held on, as the ground came closer and closer. It wasn't until I saw Gilda's eyes that I let go and pulled up, slamming the griffon into the ground at what would be about 300 miles per hour. I landed on the rock, where Pete was still k.o. I looked around at the chaos Rage had cause. You are horrible...

[You were to weak to do it yourself. So i beat them all senseless for you.]

Any griffons that hadn't ran away were flying away now, save for Ivy and the k.oed Pete. Ivy limped her way to Pete, who was laying beside me. She gently picked him up slowly, then flew off faster then I've seen her move. Gilda made her way to the rock, staring at me with her jaw dropped. Rage gave me control and retreated to the back of my mind. I turned my head and looked at myself, and saw that the feathers all over my body had been smoldering, and was finally put out. It was a quick fight, not as long as I hoped it would be, how Rage hoped it would be. Are you still there?


So.. How does this work?

[I'll be here when you need me, and vice versa. I'll be watching everything you do from the sidelines.]

"I don't know what just happened.." I said, looking to the ground

"Don't ask me.. I don't know either."

'We're... Going to be late to class." I said dumbly.

"Class can wait. I need to know what the flying fuck just happened. You went all ape-shit and kicked all of their asses, had fire sprouting from your mouth, and wings, and slammed that griffon so hard on the ground, I think he might be dead."

"He's fine." I said dismissing the thought entirely."

"How do you know?"

"He's moving." I said, motioning to the coughing form on the ground.

A/N: Not sure if I did enough or not enough. Any comments of wtf i just typed? this was all spur of the moment lmao. I Hopw i didnt overkill the fire thingy... maybe I did, if so I'll just edit out some of the parts. Any comments on Rage? Who likes the music? Music sent in by MLB

Keep calm and read on

~Solar Eclipse / Badger


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[Rage speaks in this and bolded.]
I think in these

Unbeknownst to me..

I had walked Gilda back to her room after the sun gone down. Shared a kiss, the usual. Told her I'd be meeting Victory again tonight, so she wouldn't worry if I had missed breakfast or anything. Oh yeah, I forogt to mention, every night or so me and Victory will meet up and i'll help her out with her flying. she's extremely smart, but just doesnt know how to fly...correctly.

I made my way to our usual meeting sport, near a small creek in a dense part of the forest. I sat down on a bed of rocks and waited. And waited. And waited. I head rustling behind me, and turned. There stood Victory. "Anyone follow?"

"I don't think so." I responded.

"Okay, so Tuesday's lesson was about the way we can move each feather individually, so whats tonight's about?" She said, sitting a distance away.

"How to use them while flying." I opened up my wings as far as I could. "You see, while flying it is absolutely unnecessary to have full control of the air around you, And the only way that is possible is through feathers...."

``````` An hour of explaining how it worked and she didn't understand jack shit``````````````````

"Okay... Now control the feathers..." I said as I took hold of her left wing, stretching it out without hurting her. She was failing miserably. "Okay, fuckitalltotartarus. We'll continue this later, keep moving the feathers over the next couple of days, then when you fly again, be sure to take control, and not let the wind control you."

"Okay. Thank you it really means alot that you'd do this for me."

"No prob."

I opened my wings and took to the air. It felt great to be in the air again, like I belonged there. I let out a yawn. Judging by Luna's moon, it is around midnight.. Classes start at six... I got time. I flew up between some clouds and turned over, my stomach to the air above. I closed my eyes and beat my wings periodically. Then shit hit the fan.

The whistleing noise of the oh-so-known giffon diving, was coming at me. [OPEN YOUR EYES! COMPANY! UP AND DOWN!] My eyes shot open to see a brown flash, and a impact I'm my stomach, i could feel the claws raking down my sides. Just as fast, I got hit from below, more claws going down my back. I threw both of the attackers off, and regained my altitude. I looked at the damage before turning to face my attackers, who were already back on me.

The punches and scratches came fast, Most of the heavy blows where to my face and open wounds, while the scratches stayed to my face and stomach. Then i felt it. One of them took hold of my right wing in their claws, and bent it, snapping it. I started to drop, frantically flapping my other wing, only to make me start to spend. I heard the attackers laughing as I fell down.

[Pete and Ivy.] Rage said in my mind,

I am going to kill them. Painfully, and slowly. Fucking cowards.

I flapped a bit more in the opposite direction, stopping my spinning, but watching helplessly as the ground came to meet my face with happiness. I hit a tree hard, breaking my other wing, and then the ground, instantly knocking me out.


Beep...Beep...Beep... I could hear the heart monitor. Shit.. my entire body hurts... What the fuck happened...

[Your ass got beat, by Ivy and Pete.]

Shut the fuck up. I opened my eyes, to the white ceiling, though it was dark.Must be night time... I slowly looked left and right. The only other furniture in the room was a small chair, which had a soft brown feather in it. Even from here I could tell it was Gilda's.

I slowly leaned up, until a huge pain shot through my entire back, and I laid down again. Damage report?

[Both wings broken, captain. Thought currently in light weighted casts, to help them set.

When I get out and able to fly again... There will be hell unleashed.

The door opened right then, and in walked Gilda.

"I'm back baby" I said, though hoarsely.

Now, Connor, I know what your going to say. "Wtf is up with short chapter?" well, because i wanted to show what happened after the last chapter. How you like it? Soldier boy aint as tough as everyone thinks he is.


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Revenge. The dish BEST served cold.
[Rage speaks in this.]
I think in this.

It may have been only three days I was in the infirmary awake, but when I got out, it felt like years. It took forever because no matter who they brought they couldn't do anything, so I had Gilda go out and get Az, the bovine thingy that helped out.. (or would it be that we helped?) kill the dragon. She showed up with that green goblin thingy, Vinny if I remember correctly, from Ponyville. Something about how Azok couldn't heal animals (am I an animal, or am I a hippogriff? Must be that different world thing)but Vinny could. It was a quick job once he started, and only some tingling. He asked about the scars, but I declined. I needed my battle scars. Gilda was walking beside me as we left the ground-infirmary, side on side. I decided to overkill it. "I don't know Gilda.. I've been on the inside for to long.. I don't think I'll be able to live a normal life, after all that time..."

She bumped into me kind of hard, "Shut up loser, it was healing, not jail."

"Good to know someone cares for me." I replied in a huff. [No one cares for you.] Well you can shut the fuck up. [Ouch, that hit home.]

"You big dweeb." She said laughing, bumping into me again but softer. I laughed with her, then serious'd the fuck up.

"Phase one.." I said, looking to the sky and seeing a certain two griffons looking down on me and Gilda. "...Is in effect." I continued to walk with Gilda, making sure I don't open my wings, to look weak. The two griffons above landed infront of us, trying to hold in laughs.

"Heya big guy, need some help getting into the air?" Ivy said, laughing loudly.

"Yeah, need some help?" Pete replied, though nasally from his busted up beak.

"Actually, no I don't." I flared out my fully healed wings, and pounced at them. They panicked and started fluttering their wings to get away. I landed between them and grabbed both of their heads, and forced them together, before I stood on my hind hooves, and started to spin. They kept me balanced as I continued to do so. And then I let go, accidentally getting Pete to go face first into a tree and get his beak stuck in it, while Ivy was on the ground dizzy as hell. I looked over at the dazed Ivy, and walked up to her.

"Lets see what you look like bald..." I hit her as hard as I could, knocking her out cold.

```````````````````Ivy's POV`````````````

I woke up with a raging headache, like I had spent the entire night drinking heavily. I slowly opened my eyes and looked around. It was night time. I slowly got up and looked over to where my mate, Pete was. I made my way to him, and slowly pulled him from the tree he was struggling with. He looked at me and froze up. Why is he staring at me? I mean I know I'm good looking and all..

"What? Something on my face?" I brough my talon up, but didnt feel anything weird.

"Maybe lack of something better says it. And all over."

"What are you talking about-" I looked behind me at my body and froze. Nothing. Not a single feather on my body, or my wings. I let out a loud scream and yelled as loudly as I could, "I WILL GET YOU BACK BADGER! EVEN IF I DIE TRYING!!"

``````````````Badger POV``````````````

I was sitting outside of the cafeteria with Gilda, enjoying a nice hot coffee. We were talking about things we had experienced as hatchlings. As soon as I got onto my childhood (which was nothing special, taken at a young age and trained to be the best soldiers we could be), I heard a soft scream a while off.

"I will get you back Badger, even if I die trying!"

"She's awake...Good."

"I wish we stayed behind to see the look on her face." Gilda said, sighing

"We'll see her... But not in the air. The flightless rat."

"True. Cheers, to pranks to the scum and villains!" She offered her coffee

"Cheers." I tapped my cup against her's and began to drink a little bit of the hot liquid. "So how long was I in the hospital all together?" I took another long sip.

"About a week."

"PPFFFFT!!" I spit out my entire drink and accidently dropped the cup and watched it fall from the cloud. A orangish streak flew by at the wrong time, and Fire Storm let out a loud yell of pain. He flew up in rage and looked between us.


"My bad, bro." [Serves the traitor right.] That's what he gets for sacrificing me. He had calmed down a little, and looked at me closely. He must think I did it for revenge... Good. He won't see the actual thing coming then.

"I haven't seen you in forever! What's happening?"

"Plucked some chickens. Whats up with you?"

"Chillin', getting coffee spilled on me.. The usual. Anyways I gotta go, need mah sleep for practice tomorrow."


"Yeah, for hoofball and wingball try-outs."

"Aight then. Peace."

He flew off to the pegasi dorms. I looked over to Gilda.

"So, you visited Ponyville, huh?"

"Yeah..." She nodded slowly.


"I don't want to talk about it."

"I understand. It is getting late. We should head back. It's been forever since the party, and I still haven't cleaned up anything."

"Have fun with that!" She leaned over and kissed me, then flew off as fast as she could to her own dorm room.


Indeed. Lets get the room cleaned up them.

[Fuck that shit, Imma chill.]

I sighed, and made my way to my dorm

`````````````````````6 hours later````````````````````````

"HOLY SHIT YES!!! I AM DONE!!" I yelled out, as I finally threw out the last piece of trash. I landed on my clean bed and rubbed on it. "I missed you!"

There was three loud bangs from above, before a female voice yelled out, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

[Quit yo PMSing and go to sleep.] Rage replied, though he knew she couldn't hear him.

I looked at the calendar, and read what tomorrow was.

"Operation Eclipse, remembrance day for those lost."

a/n: alright, just to say this: ill be updating every day or so, the most days i wont be will be three days, school has started back up and i already hate it. Let me know what you think. Did they deserve worse? Or was her not being able to fly for a few weeks enough?

Quick spoiler for next chapter:
So cold...
Going down


View Online

Skipping class like a boss
[Rage speaks in this]
I think in this

There was a bright shining on my eyelids, making me see orangeish. Go away sun, I need more sleep. It was merciless. "Go...Away..." I turned over...The wrong way. I was rewarded with the entire beam of light on my face. Fuck... Alright, alright, I'm up. I pried open my eyes and got blinded by the sun instantly. Fuck you then, I'm going back to sleep. I turned over onto my other side and started to doze off... Until there was a knock at my door.

"Leave a message after the beep. Beep." I said drowsily to the door.

"Wake up soldier boy." Gilda

"Or what?"

"Or I'll give ya a new scar."

"I'm up!" I jumped up, and got light headed from the sudden change in elevation. [Pussy whipped] I heard Rage say. I ignored it. I made my way to the door and opened it up slowly. "Well good morning beautiful." I said as I saw her standing there. And I was rewarded with a deep blush on her part.

"Shut up." She smiled at me. "C'mon, we're skipping class."

"Skipping... Why?"

"Well, its a history class, and since its E-day, and you were there and all..."

"I see... So what did you have in mind?" I said, really wanting to change the topic.

"I don't know... Maybe an actual date?" She awkwardly scratched the back of her neck.

"Sure, ladies choice. Where too?" I took the steps outside and shook the sleepiness off of myself. Before quickly looking back in to a mirror on the wall. I still looked like I had bed head. I brushed my claw through my feathers, and got it under control again. I turned around and noticed Gilda was watching me. "See anything ya like?" She just chuckled.

"Anyways, let's go to the movies or something."

[You know what this means... Dark room, loud explosions... In movies no one can hear her screams... Of joy]

I could've gone my entire life not hearing that aloud.

[Well, I am very smart.]

What.. Nevermind. Tell me, what is the meaning of life?


I don't even... I'm ignoring you from now on.

[All the easier for me to take over.]

Wait what?

Rage was silent after that. Forty-two huh... How does that even make sense? I thought as Gilda lead me to the closest city, Manehatten.

```````````````A short distance and a action movie later`````````

"That movie was awesome." Gilda said, walking beside me as we left the movie.

"Indeed it was. What was your favorite part?"

"All the fire and explosions." She said looked to me with what I can only describe as a little bit of madness, in her eyes.

"How was the ending?" I said, smiling widely.

"I can't remember." She said, and winked at me, and we both started laughing. We looked forward after finally calming down a little bit, and we serious'd the fuck up. There stood Shadow.

"You skipped my class." I swear what I really heard was, "I'm going to make you pay through psychological torture."

"NOPE!" I 180'd and walked the other way, back inside, Only to be stopped by a huge talon on my shoulder. Shadow's. He slowly started to drag me away, with Gilda walking beside us, looking at me as i tried my best to go back inside, my effort of fruitless. "NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE." I kept repeating, trying to resist.

``````````back at the school````````````

"HELP MEEEE!!! SOMEONE HELP MEEE!!!!" I yelled out as loud as I can. I was in a dark room, coulnt even see my talons infront of me... if they weren't tied. I got a flashback back to to when I was offered a sacrifice to Gilda when The day that all the girls went bat-shit insane. happened. OHH NONONONONONONOO. NOPE NOPE NOPE. NO RAPE TODAY. NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE!! Rage help me! BEFORE THEY ALL GO INTO HEAT AGAIN!!

[What's that? Sorry i can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.]

If I'm tied up, your tied up!

[I see your logic, and raise you: me not giving a flying fuck.]

Help me man, I'm begging you here!

[Fine, give me control...]

I gave him full control, and I felt my body heat up, not unpleasantly, but like I was camping with a fire nearby. Then what binded my talons together caught flame, and showed me I was in a closet. Alright way to go! i tried to move my body but couldn't.Uh.. Okay. You can give me control now.

[Now tell me... Why should I do that?]

I suddenly felt very cold. What do you mean, why?

[Your too weak to even break out of ropes. Why should I think of more of you, when I already view you as nothing more then a hatchling?]

I've done more things without you, then with you.

[Name one.]

Eclipse. Everfree. Basic training. Need I go on?

[I see. I will submit this once. But next time, we fight for control. It won't be easy for you. Understand?

... Fine. I felt feeling return to my body slowly, reluctantly. I opened the door to the outside world and walked right into a white unicorn with a lightning blue mane, with a darker blue outline. As well as another white pony, but a male pegasus, with abnormally larger wings then normal, plus a hoodie on. Okay, DJ-pon3 and some newcomer... AAALLLLLRIGHTYYY THEN. I need to find Azok in the future, maybe he can help with Rage.

I turned the corner and walked right into a griffon, male, but he had a smaller stature then the others. He said something about a party and kept walking. I finally found Gilda, after I got outside and took to the air. She was sitting outside the cafeteria with two cups of coffee. I landed next to her and she handed one up to me and smiled.

"How long was I away?"

"Only an hour, it's still noon." She replied taking a sip of the coffee.

"Good haha." I looked off into the distance. "Remeber the 'ponies only' place you told me about on the first day?"


"Why is it so?"

She looked at the cup of coffee, it suddenly striking great importance and extremely intriguing. "It's not as much as ponies only.. As the Group had a fight with a pony Group. It's their territory. they'll kick anyone's ass that tries to go over there that isn't a pony, or a teacher."

"Ah. I see. We should change that."

She suddenly looked to me. "What do you mean?"

"We should pay them a visit, of course."

A/N: Sorry for the short chapter, school has been kicking my as of recently... anyways, I hope your imagination doesnt go to crazy... how did you like tha chapter? tha ending? DA MAGIKZ?\

Keep calm and read on

~Solar Eclipse / Badger

Dear Princess Celestia..

View Online

New Teacher. May what ever deity you worship to have mercy on me.
[Rage speaks in this]
~I respond to him in this~
I think in this

Dear Princess Celestia,

As a soldier in the Equestrian Military, it has come to my attention pegasi CAN fight. I have seen this personally, in a first hand experience of getting my ass whooped by five of them. I ask of you for two things:

1) PLEASE send them in onto the front lines, they can kick some serious ass. They don't need to be standing motionless at every door in the castle. They need to be out and about. I had one of the ponies call a damned thunderstorm on me, and it is still over my head even as I have my girlfriend write this for me. And another thing- OW! FUCK lost my train of thought. Don't put that last part in there okay Gilda? Anyways, use some unicorns as guards. Much more effective

2) They are pretty much three times as fast as any hippogriff I've seen. Instead of sending your top soldiers out to recon, why not send them? They are small, light weight, and (HOPEFULLY) can fly well enough to dodge arrows being shot at them. Also it's hard to catch them. Very hard. Especially if you finally have one and then that one wiggles free and kicks said hippogriff in the very sensitive area.

~Trying to keep calm while in pain,

H-375, Badger

Gilda had just given the letter to the mail mare, when the small cloud above me (that has stayed with me for two fucking days) shocked me with lightning again. "FUCKING STOP DOING THAT!!!" I cried out. I was already laying outside of the cloud-infirmary. I heard laughing. I turned my head around to look at who it was, and it was the same bastard that gave me the damned cloud. I looked forward slowly, purposefully exaggerating my movements. I got up slowly and uber-slow-mo walked to her. Two days since that offer I told Gilda about paying the 'ponies only' place a visit. My ass got kicked. And SHE gave me the damned cloud...

"Fix it. Now."

She started to laugh harder. "Or what?" Replied the brownish pegasus.

[Or you're going straight to the moon, beeyatch.]

Gilda appeared behind the pegasus out of nowhere, and softly laid her arm over the pegasus's shoulder, with her claw softly scratching its chin. She whispered into its ear, "Do you like talking and laughing?"

The look on her face was priceless. Hey eyes were the largest I've ever seen a pony make.

[If I had an internet, she would win one.]

~Wait, what the hell is an 'internet'?~

[Wouldn't you like to know?]

The pegasus waved a hoof through the cloud, letting it disintegrate. She looked nervously at Gilda and me, then flew off as fast as she could. We started laughing, almost rolling on the cloud.

I took breaths between my words, "The look.... On her face... BWAHAHAHAA!!"

It took a good five minutes to stop laughing. Gilda looked up at the sun and said, "Oh shit, we're late to class!"

"Which class!?!?!"

"Does it matter?"


"Uhhhhh... I think science, ground one anyways. Teacher is a 'Mr. D'."

"WE GO!" I grabbed her in my arms in a tight embrace and jumped off the side of the cloud, her screaming all the way.

````````````````````````````````In class`````````````````````````````

We walked into class, with about a minute to spare. I took one step and and stopped anything and everything. Shit almost literally hit the fan. Ponies, desks, griffons, and everything of the sort, was quite literally, FLYING around the room, in an almost zero gravity state. [Uhhhhh... Houston... We have a problem.] I saw the light blueish mare that wanted to rape me on the day that shall live in infamy, and she was trying to magic her way out of her floating chair. It was funny because the harder she tried to stop the random spinning, the faster it got.

I looked around amazed at the scene in front of me. I heard a loud bang, but payed it no mind, to much shit flying. There were only two chairs, side by side. I made my way over to them with Gilda, and the second we sat down our bottoms were stuck to the chairs, and we started to fly with the others.

"Once you get past the nausea, this is actually kind of fun!" I thought aloud.

As soon as I said that, a door appeared out of nowhere in the middle of class, and opened itself up, revealing a draconequis. Wait... I know that face... I've seen him before...




"GOOOOD morning class!! Some of you may recognize me, for I am, the amazing, beautiful, charming, sunning, and any other flttering word you want to throw my way, Discord!" A huge fireworks display went off behind him. He smiled, snapped his fingers and the door disappeared, and was replaced by a recliner. "Today's lesson?" He casually looked at the still floating class, who's faces was utter surprise. "CHEMISTRY!"

"But fiirrrsstt..." Discord slithered through the air over to me. "Tell me Badger, do you like banana's?"

Rage took control of my mouth for a second screaming out, "I REFUSE TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION!"

[This... Is the best day of my life.]

"Oh, Rage! Why didn't you just let him answer the question, and figure it out for himself?" Discord replied

Wait, what!? Did he just-

"Indeed I did, Mr. Badger! Now, for the first step, pick up the thermite!" He said, snapping his ... Fingers.(?) And bag after bag of some sort of... brownish / metallic looking powder, just poofed into existence inside of the room. "Now! Start your Bunson-burners!"

```````````Three hours later```````

It took a short time for the firefighters to arrive, but it took forever for them to put out the fires. Discord was sitting in a lawn chair, stuffing his face with popcorn, watching the fire.

[Some men, just want to watch the world burn]

Discord looked my way and smiled. "It's not JUSt that, it's also the fact so so much 'normal'. Why not shake things up a bit?" Then back to the fire, with his unlimited amount of popcorn. The lucky bastard.

Gilda was next to me, coughing out some smoke she accidently inhaled. I looked to her concerned, but she just nodded that she was fine. I looked back to Discord, who was now eating a pink cloud, and literally drinking the cup that surrounded chocolate milk. He threw the motionless milk over his shoulder, put on some sunglasses, and the milk exploded, creating another fire. His chair turned as if on a axis, then morphed into a hammock, watching as more firefighters ran off to the newer fire.

[I fucking love this guy.]

Promotion pt1

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Rage, Azok, and 'bikes'
[Rage speaks in this]
~I reply in this~

I was staring at the inferno, created by Discord, when I heard Rage say something:

~Sorry what?~
[Wake up, you imbecil.]
~Aren’t I already awake?~
~Prove it~
[Okie dokie.]

Out of nowhere I felt an extreme amount of pain in my beak, causing me to close my eyes tightly.
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!? I opened up my eyes to see I was still in the same chair I woke up this morning in. The fuck? Lightning proceeded to launch into my face, forcing me to wake up much faster that I had planned. “FUCK YOU MINATURE CLOUD! BURN IN HELL!!!” I screamed in return, shaking my talon at the white fluff. As it turned out, it was also time for Celestia to pull a prank on me.

I burped loudly; my breath secreting green flame that materialized into a scroll that dropped on my lap, bearing the Royal seal. My throat still burned, even after the flames had died down. I rolled my eyes and picked it up, breaking the seal with a claw. I read it like I did most everything else, only the important sections:

Dear Badger,

Blah blah blah, promotion. Blah blah blah, come today. Blah blah blah, don’t fight my little ponies. Blah blah blah, thanks for taking care of the dragon alongside Azok. Blah blah blah, hope you two will make great friends. Blah blah blah, the cloud above you is now gone.

~Princess Celestia

P.S: How’d you like the taste of scroll?

~Why did I just wake up; why does my beak hurt, and why the fuck am I in this chair when I should be outside of what used to be the Chemistry lab?~
[Judging by the positions between the moon and the sun, I have no fucking idea.]
~You’re a great help... you know that?~
[I try. That’s more then you can say.]
~Get the fuck out.~

I sat up, feeling another burp coming along from my stomach. I opened mouth released another bout of green flames that, once again, materialized into a scroll, bearing the same royal seal.

I also have a new desk made of mahogany!


~I do not understand...~
~Who the fuck is Nappa!?!?~

“Heya big guy.” Gilda said walking up to me. “I see the cloud is gone.. And that the Princess sent you some mail. What’s going on?”

“Got a request from Celestia to go see her, something about promotions and a mahogany desk...”


“Ah, so a promotion huh? Look at you, moving on up the ranks! I’m so proud of you!” The sarcasm in her voice was teasing.

“So you don’t want to go, huh?”

“Nope, too many ponies there. Don’t want to run into one I may know...”

“I understand. Well, judging from the sun, I should get going if I want to make it there by noon. What class are you going to?”

“Chemistry, with Dr. Test. Why?”

“Don’t worry about it, I felt Deja Vu. I'll see you later today or early tomorrow.”

She leaned up and kissed me, then flew off the cloud and to the ground.

`````````` half hour of putting on armor and a three hours of flight later``````````

I approached the double doors leading to the throne room and took a deep breath. I still don’t know why I’m getting promoted...
[Does it matter? Free ranks.]
~True, true... I wonder what rank I’ll be?~
[Probably ‘Sergeant First Class’ or something.]

The doors opened in a golden aura that resembled the guards, allowing me to enter. In the two thrones were Princess Celestia and Princess Luna themselves. As I go to the thrones, I dipped my head and stopped, not daring to raise my head above the floor.

Celestia spoke,“For showing what it is to be a leader, and for protecting Equestria with all the power you can muster, we have judged you to be worthy of the rank of Master Chief Warrant Officer. Congratulations.”

Master Chief......
Master Ch-

As I’m sitting there in disbelief, there was a loud yell outside.




“Excuse me a moment, Princesses” Celestia nodded and stood up. I looked up to see Luna making her way to a nearby window and looking out, watching the skies carefully. I got off the ground and made my way to the same window and looked out. What I saw actually cheered me up; it was Azok in his drake form. I opened up the window next to Luna’s and jumped out. Unfolding my wings, I took to the air. After a couple of beats from my wings, I softly landed in front of the guards.

“Heya Az, what’s going on-” I noticed the guards behind me, all tense and ready for a fight. “At ease, gentlecolts.” The guards slowly flew off or teleported away.

“How do you know me?”

“It’s me, Badger, mate.”

“Name doesn't ring a bell, sorry.”

“I broke your axe.” I stated cautiously

“God damnit not you again.”

“I could always get the guards to yell and wake up your precious cargo..”

[Where are they, I don’t- is that them sleeping on his back- HNNNNGGGGGGG DIABEETUS]

“I will eat you. I'm still a dragon, remember-”

Rage took control for a moment, “Do you like bananas?

Suddenly Azok changed back into his cow form, raised his right hand, and a lance of light shot out of it, hitting me in the chest. Needless to say it hurt like a bitch for a moment.

[I’m... Sleepy... I’ll... Yeah...]


“Why don't you tell me why there was some demon thing in you?”

“Not exactly a demon, but I was going to see you anyways... Well regardless, thanks for the help on taming him, and that hurt!” I looked back to some guards behind me, holding out spears to him because of the sudden attack. “It’s okay, I’m fine. Go inside and get some rest.” I softly rubbed where the light hit me. I will have my revenge for that pain soon...

I heard some yawns from behind Azok and a soft, ‘Are we there yet?’

“We have been here for about ten minutes, Sweetie Belle” Azok replied, and two more yawns responded to him in return.

“Oh, there you are Mr.Strider.” A purplish earth pony walked up, followed by a of young colts and fillies

“Strider? I didn’t picture you having such a casual alias.. I always thought of you more of a ‘James’” I said, smiling.

“I don't have a last name. My rank is Sunstrider, she is just saying it wrong.” He made his way to her and they said a couple of words, then he came back to me. “Wanna go explore the town?” He asked.

“Sure thing, where to first though?”

“Armor shop, I need some new gear, this stuff is pretty old.” He opened up a large book, and, after a while, seemed satisfied with excerpts. There was a small light on the ground that expanded to a circle with weird markings and figures in it, then out of nowhere was a large metal contraption with two wheels. It seemed to have chrome or such plating on most of it. Pretty pretty...Shiny shiny... I shook my head to clear it from the thoughts

“Da fuq!? How did- no. You know what, it’s magic. Fuck explaining it.” I said in defeat.

He jumped on and ignited it, causing a small roar from the mysterious machine. “Just get in the damn bike.”

“How exactly do I do that?” I made my way around it, looking for another seat.

“Approach it from the left side.”

I did so, and, to be honest, I can’t explain what happened. A seat made itself infront of me. “Holy shit, what the hell!?”

“I made the bike, so when any living thing gets near the left side, a side seat will pop out. Now get in the bike.”

“Celestia have mercy on me...” I said, strapping myself in.

He pulled out a sheet of paper or such that, after a second, had all the details of the city on it. Must be a map of some sort...“Cool there is an armor shop about a mile from here.”

“You know you could’ve just asked me, I’ve been here a while and-” Before I could finish, there was an extremely loud roar, that cause me to flatten my ears to my head, and we sped off. “-WHAT THE FUCK!”

He swerved the bike around mares and stallions alike, barely missing them.

“ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN DRIVE THIS THING!?!?” I yelled over the roar of the ‘bike’.


“FUCK IT, I’M OUT!” I said trying to unstrap myself, but had difficulty doing so. Before I managed to unbuckle myself from the screaming metal deathtrap that was called ‘bike’, he purposefully jumped the bike off of a small hill. He slammed the handlebars to the left, causing the bike to spin in mid air before landing.


I took this time to go into a fetal position and rock slowly back and forth, mumbling out prayers left and right. After five minutes of talking to myself and to Celestia (who didn’t answer back... That jerk), we arrived outside of a place called ‘Armor R Us’. He stopped the demon bike outside of the store. I unstrapped myself and fell to the ground, kissing it.


Promotion Pt2

View Online

[Rage speaks to me in this]
~I respond in this~
My thoughts are this

After I had gotten done worshipping the ground, the demon bike had somehow disappeared (not that I was going to complain about it). I stretched out my wings and back, and followed Azok inside. There was a dark greyish unicorn working on some spears at the back of the building. The design showed that customary design that the Army uses.

“Hello?” Azok had called out, trying his best to get the old unicorn’s attention.

“One minute.” The pony said, before taking the spear head and dipping it in water. It was at this time my attention span was that of a squirrel, and my eyes scanned the walls. The unicorn brought out the cooling spear head and set it on an anvil before walking up to us. “So, what can I do ya for?”

“Well, I'd like to purchase some armor.”

“Thats a given, son.” The smiths horn started glowing and Azok’s armor took itself off and made its way through the air to the smith. “Come back in an hour.” He said gruffly as he looked over Azok’s old gear.

I was looking back at the shields and armor of sorts. I used all of this in training... leaf-headed spear, swords, axes... all of it... Good times. I felt a poke on my shoulder and looked to see Azok “So Badger, what do you wanna do for an hour?”

I thought for a moment one thing coming to mind. What better way for two soldiers to gai respect for each other? “Tell you what big guy, lets go get something’ to eat, and talk about our greatest accomplishments. Nothing like a little friendly competition?”

“I like it.” He pulled out the spell book and looked around for the bike from hell.

“NO! FUCK THAT! I’ll meet you...” I pointed to a restaurant at the far end of Canterlot “There. All you can eat.”

“Fine, last one there pays for it!” He shifted into the dragon form and took off into the sky, leaving me with a cloud of dust...literally.

“YOUR ON!” I shouted, laughing like a maniac as I took to the air. I shot off after him, my smaller body giving me an edge on speed. I soared clear above him, maybe twenty or so feet. I watched as my shadow crossed over him, slowly making its way past his head. He beat his large wings a couple of times, getting to the right altitude so he wouldn’t collide with building and the sort, getting above me. I lowered own in my altitude, the streets on the city in my brain. Left, right, left, right, left, right, right, left, straight, bingo. I was zooming over the heads of ponies, knocking off a couple of hats and such with my talons.

I looked up and saw I was ahead, but barely. I saw him take out his backpack. Oh hell no, you are not going to cheat! I angled my wings up, I lost the lead, but right behind him. flying in the draft he made. He drank some sort of potion or something of the sort. Next thing i know we’re both shooting off faster than the speed I go when I dive. I had my eyes barely open, we were going so fast. The draft behind him caused my to speed up. As we approached the restaurant I decided to cheat as well. I grabbed his tail in my talons, and pulled back as hard as I could. It resulted in us being beak and beak- I mean snout, as we passed the invisible line of winning, also known as a curb.

“That was awesome!” I yelled out after a sudden stop, the sound of the wind still in my ears. He nodded and formed back into his usual bovine self, and took a seat at one of the outside tables. I sat across, as a pretty white unicorn floated over two menu’s to us. All you can eat.. fuck yeah.

[I heard food...] Rage commented drowsily.
[What kinds?]
~Take a look~
[What!? No meat? Fuck this. I’m going back to sleep. Wake me when we can get some REAL food.]
~Alrighty then~

“So Badger what is your greatest exploit?” Azok said, paying a bit more attention to his menu then what I may say.

“My GREATEST? Or do you want to do milestones and then our greatest?”

“Greatest, then Milestones.”

“Okay.. Lets see...After killing a black dragon the size of the building I grew up in, I gained a girlfriend, AND a job to kill an entire Diamond Dog camp on my own. I snuck in and killed all of them in their sleep, save for the alpha. Then, Rage came along and showed me I could breathe fire.”

“I killed a god, the king of the undead, and death.”

“Bitch please, I killed a dragon with a weapon that wasn’t mine.” I smirked to him “AND I take orders ONLY from two goddesses themselves.”

“I can't die.”

I spit out my drink like I did the coffee that one time“Wait what?” That’s bullshit, there is NO way he is immortal.

“Yup. I can't die, I can be killed, but I will pop back up in a minute or two. It sucks, because sometimes I have to collect my body parts, oh and this one time my legs got eaten by a wolf. Not a pretty sight.”

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE.“I think you’re lying. And my bullshit meter agrees."

“Fine I will prove it to you, but keep the street clear. I don't want to land on somepony.” He lead me out into the street, where I started to push everyone away, my golden armor showing: I was a guard. I looked back to him as he opened his book. He selected something, and then woosh! he was on a pink tube. At the sight of said pink tube, I started to laugh, I swear I’ve never seen anything this funny before. One second he has a bike from hell, the next its a pink tube.

“Dude! Hahaha, what the hell is that?” I said between gasps of air.

“Well, considering most of the other things I can ride have rights here, I thought it best not to summon a gryphon, pegasi, or a hippogryph and start riding it. But if you want, I have 50 other animals I can choose from.”

That got my attention. “You have mounts like us?”

“Well yes, but as I said I'd rather not be seen riding around on something that looks like the locals.” He got on (what he later called) the Pink Love Rocket. (Seriously, who ever made it needs to be banished from Equestria. Its a pink tube thats called a ‘love rocket’.) He took off to the sky, and from what I could tell, he was about one hundred feet in the air.

“You ain’t got the balls to jump!!” I yelled out loud enough for him to hear. Next thing I know, the pink tube disappears, and he starts falling like a rock. “Ohhhh shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhit ...”

He seemed relaxed and then he yelled,“ CANNON BALL!!!”.

Needless to say I cringed a bit from the resounding splat and small spray of blood and such. I didn’t think he was going to actually do it! Oh great Celestia, I am sooo screwed. I made my way, carefully. Surprisingly, there was almost no blood, save for a little coming out of his mouth and what sprayed about when he landed. I softly poked his arm, seeing if he was still alive and- POP! His head literally popped off. CLEANSE IT WITH FIRE!!



~Yeah screw you too..~

I made my way back to the chair inside and drank my drink, trying to ignore the smal drops of blood on me, and the fact everyone was staring at me and the body outside. There was some sort of commotion from the onlookers, and I looked back to the body, only to see his blood start to flowing TO his body. The hell.... Slowly the head made the way to the body, almost like metal would to a magnet. They attached themselves to him over the span of a minute.

``````````Azok’s POV````````

Being dead isn't so bad, as soon as my body dies I get turned into a ghost. So I was somewhat around to see Badger freak out over my corpse. As soon as my body had finished repairing itself, I felt my spectral form being pulled back into it. Ghost back in body, I shot straight up and cracked my neck. “See? I told you.” I said while standing up and walking back into the restaurant. His eye twitched, almost uncontrollably.

“WHAT THE FUUCKK?!?!” Badger screamed at me

“Well you weren't impressed by me killing a god and death, so I decide to do something you literally can't top.”

“I...Uh....huh... I am, for the first time in a long time...Without words...”

“So now that we're past the hole immortality thing what do you wanna talk about.”

“I have no idea.. I just want to sit down and hide under a rock for a while.. Also, you should see the Princess about that.. She could probably do something so the rest of us have that.. Save a couple hundred lives...”

“I already gave this speech to another little pony that wanted it and I will give the same to you. If you try to reproduce this power in any way, I will end you.”

“Understandable.. Don’t want it getting into the wrong hands”

“Exactly. Me and Vinny will take this knowledge to our graves. Now aren't we going to talk about milestones?”

`````````````````````````Badger’s POV````````````````````

``````An hour or two later``````

We had spent the rest of the time talking about some of our most loved accomplishments, myself beating the black dragon (which I have nicknamed Alduin, sounds like a kick ass name, right?), and his being his ability to shapeshift and such. We each paid for our own meals, and decided to walk back to the Armor shop so he can get his armor

When we got back to the shop, he got his new armor, he said something along the lines of “Holy me this looks awesome” And he started to giggle like a little hatchling when it said its first word.nI was once again ignoring what they were saying, and admired the craftsmanship of the smith. The weapons and armor he made was extremely high quality. Maybe he used to work for the Royal guards... I’ll ask him about it later. My thoughts were interrupted by Azok.

“Hey Badger, you want something, a weapon or armor or something?”

“Na, Im getting some claws and a sword made from that dragon I killed.” I bluffed. Hopefully the dragon’s body hasn’t been stripped by timberwolves yet, cause that sounds kick ass.

“Well, I got my armor and you're getting some dragon body parts turned into weapons. So what do you wanna do now?”

We decided to walk around, taking in some of the sights of the city... Until the ground turned to soap (not that I fell or anything, or damaged my armor in any way...). Trees turned upside down, and chocolate milk rain fell plentiful from the sky.

“This isn't normal is it?” Azok asked.


“Think we should go see Celestia?”


A/N: Sorry guys and gals about the lateness of this chapter, It took a while to make and synchronize with Gnome. Once again, if you haven't read his fic yet, I recommend it! Mr. Minimii, thanks you for editing and such, it means a lot!

Let me know how your liking the collabs, I have two more arranged with others, and maybe one more or so chapter of 'Promotion' to get done!

Have an OC you want to enter? Send it to me in a message with body the looks and personality! (If you can, a picture will help as well!)

Keep calm and read on,

~Solar Eclipse / Badger

Promotion pt3

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It took a while, but Az and I finally got to the palace... Only to be in a line half a block long. The streets around the palace had-quite literally- at least thirty different shades of EVERY COLOR and of every type of pony around it. The guards at the main gates (Celestia bless them) were trying as hard as they could to calm down everypony and stop them from entering.

“Any ideas on how to get through?” Azok asked, acknowledging the big problem.

“You could go drake, or I could use my awesome new rank to get us up front...”

“Well you don't have any proof of your ‘Awesome new rank’ and I’d rather not escalate the panic we need a softer approach.”

“Golden armor is that of the Royal guard, and the uniform of the Army. There is a reason why I wear it when I visit Canterlot.” I pointed to my (somewhat dented) armor

“Fine you try your way, and I will try mine.”

“Hold on... You're a huge cow... Huge cow equals large height. Large height means easy to spot.. Why not just walk through it? Or we could fly over it... I don’t want to yell over this.”

“Im not gonna yell. I'm gonna stomp” Azok lifted up his leg slowly, building up his power. I wonder what he’s going to- His foot nailed the ground, generating an electrical spark, and a boom that would make thunderclouds jealous. All the ponies stopped their rambling and stared right at Az.

“IF EVERYBODY WILL PLEASE RETURN TO YOUR HOMES, THE SITUATION WILL BE RESOLVED SHORTLY. THE WEATHER AND THE OTHER STRANGE OCCURRENCES ARE THE RESULT OF SEVERAL SPELLS BACKFIRING AT ONCE. THE PROBLEM WILL BE RESOLVED SHORTLY.” The crowd started to disperse after the loud shouting. My ear’s were ringing louder then in Operation Eclipse. I looked to Azok, and he said something, but it was covered up by the ringing.

“Sorry, what?” I said, a little loud, putting one of my talons to my ear to try and stop the ringing. Fruitless effort.


~Azok just smashed the ground with his foot. Big bang. Loud shouts. Can’t hear.~

[Well, I can’t sleep now... That jackass... So what’s going on-] Rage looked at the sky and all the weird things around us. [AWWWWW YEEAAAAHHHHH!!!] I ignored anything else he said.

We approached the front gates slowly, the guards, looking thankful for the help, but also unwilling to let Az in... Until I said “Need to see the Princesses ASAP, utmost importance, rank Mike Charlie. Protocol’s; Oscar-Hotel. Sierra, Hotel, Indigo, Tango.”

“Ya, what Mike said.” Azok added in, not helping the cause.

They parted ranks, and escorted us to the large doors, and opened them for us. One of them ran off into another room, saying something about ‘she’ll see us shortly’.

“So what is ‘protocol Oscar, Hotel, Sierra, Hotel, Indigo, Tango?’ ”

“OH SHIT. Also known as: Shit’s hit the fan.” I replied casually, trying my best to make fun of the situation.

I saw him bring his hand to his face and look down sadly. [Facepalm... I will have my revenge for that sleep you put me through soon...] “And you people stare at me for being weird.”

“Actually, its really protocol Charlie, but I said the same thing, just longer.”

After an insufferable amount of waiting, Princess celestia appeared. “Good, you're here I assume you already know about the strange weather and the other such happenings around Canterlot.” Completely ignoring my open mouth to respond, she continued “I don't know what is causing it, but I want you two to stay here for added protection.”

“Of course, ma’am. Anything specific you want us to do?” I replied, moving to a more comfortable, military position, wings somewhat flared out at parade-rest.

“I want you two to go to the sculpture garden and guard a statue. A draconequus”

“What is a Draconequus?” Azok asked, somewhat raising his hand.

“They have hands, eagle claw, and a lions paw. A snake’s tail, feet that of a dragon and a hoof. The head is that of a pony, while it has horns as well. It also has wings, one bat’s wing one pegasus wing... Pretty much chaos itself balled up into a living creature...” I replied, answering the question for the Princess.... Who gave me a ‘stop interrupting me’ face.

“So why are we guarding a statue?”

Before Celestia could answer, the doors imploded, and in ran six ponies, plus Vinny, the green goblin thingy.

“Princess Celestia, we came as fast as we could.” Said an out of breath purple unicorn.

“Thank you, Twilight. Thank you all.”

“Is this about the weather? And the animals' weird behavior? What's happening out there? Why isn't my magic working? Is there–”

“Follow me.” All of the ponies, plus Az, Vinny, and myself, started to follow. “Except you three. I want you to go make sure the statue is still there.” Looking to the three of us.

“Yes ma’am” I said, saluting again and flew out a nearby open window towards the garden. I looked behind me to see Az and Vinny following me.

After a short flight around the hedge maze we approached the statue garden. Ironically, the statue was gone. However, surrounding the stone pallet it rested on, were chunks and shavings of stone.

[Clever girl...]

~Wait, what?~

“Well, this sucks, its not here. Want me to go tell the princess as you keep watch?” I asked, opening my wings, getting ready to take back to the air.


“I’ll be back as soon as possible.” I said, taking to the air. I flew back the way we came, through the open window again, only to find the Princess and the six ponies looking around at the multiple stain-glass windows. My gaze followed to where they were looking, only to see one of the windows depicting six mares and Nightmare Moon- HOLY HELL IT'S THEM! My jaw dropped as I looked to the six and back to the picture, trying to find any differences. I couldn’t. I shook my head, regaining my composure.

“Ma’am, the statute is not there. Is there anything else you wish for us to-”

“Yes, I want you three to accompany these ponies into the maze. Keep them safe. Do you understand?” The princess interrupted, she looked-


~Not my choice of words, but yes.~

“Yes ma’am.” I gave her a salute, and accompanied the six mares to the front of the maze, meeting Azok halfway there. After a short explanation, he kinda just shrugged and came with us to the entrance. Then shit literally hit the fan. The cyan pegasus screamed out something about her wings, the two unicorns said something about their horns. I’d opened my wings in shock, but I couldn’t. Where the muscles used to be, they weren't there anymore. I looked behind me and saw my own wings gone. My jaw dropped.


“What the-” I started, but was interrupted by a voice.

“You–You should see the looks on your faces. Priceless!” A sudden pop, and the draconquus appeared in front of us

[What the hell is going on?]


“Give us our wings and horns back!” Twilight Sparkle yelled at the monster.

“You'll get them back in good time. I simply took them to ensure there's no cheating. You see, this is the first rule of our game: no flying, and no magic.”

“The first rule?”

“The second rule is everypony has to play or the game is over, and I win. Good luck,
everypony!” And he disappeared with another loud pop.

[I swear if any of them say-]

“Never fear, girls. We have each other!”

[And boom goes the dynamite.]

“Yeah! Like Twilight said, there's nothing we can't overcome if we all stick together!”

[I call bullshit. There is no way that thing is going to let us stay together.]

“All right, girls, let's do this!”

[Yeah, sure. Forget about the three males remotely near you... Not like we wanted a sandwich or anything.]
~For the love of celestia, shut up. You’re giving me a headache, you sexist bastard.~
Thats not sexist, I'm genuinely hungry
~Yes it is, quit being sexist.~
[I’ll try.]

As if we were in a platoon, we all marched into the maze... Only to have it pop up between all of us. This could be a problem... I heard the mares yelling to each other over the maze, something about finding the center. I looked in front of me finally, and saw that it turned to the right. Could be a problem... But my talons have something else to say on that matter. I made my wall to the hedge wall, and held up my talon. I sliced down will all my strength, and barely made a hole in it. In fact, it actually soaked up what ever damage I was going to cause like a sponge soaks up water. Correction, is a problem. I looked right down the path, and saw at least six more branch offs heading away.

[When in doubt, run blindly.]

~Why the hell not?~

Taking Rage’s advice, I started to sprint. I took the second left, then a right. Dead end. I turned around and saw a shadow creep around the left corner, heading to the third path. I sprinted off again, taking the left and heard a giggle from the right branch-off. I stopped at the intersection.

[Weird giggle? NOPE. Take the left.]

I took to the left, then made another left, most likely going around the small dead end. I was at another fork in the path. One led to a small clearing, and the other seems to head behind me. I took the obvious choice, the clearing. I decided to walk the rest of the way to it, my armor clinking together every step or so. I emerged from the malicious maze into the clearing. There was a tree to the left of me, around the middle. There was a small pond to my right, and in the middle was a couple of paths, and on the edge of said paths, multiple flowers. Would be peaceful if it wasn’t for the shitstorm...

There was a small rustling, and the hedge itself made a small path. I tensed up, Better safe than sorry. Out walked the green goblin himself, Vinny.

“Sup.” He asked nonchalantly, walking out into the clearing.

[Like a boss.]

“Hey there, shorty.” I replied, nodding to him.

“Call me that again, and you will be acquainted with some dynamite up the nose.”

[Cause why not offend someone when someone jokes about your height.. Sheesh. What's funny is he is probably still bigger then you, huh Badger?]

~Don’t make me get Azok again.~

[I regret nothing!]

“Sheesh man. So, how do you like the maze?”

“Wailing Caverns is worse than this place.” He said, his eyes looking over the surroundings.

“AAAALLLLLLrighty then. So, where’s the beef?” I said, remembering back to the fight with Alduin, where Az yelled out something about beef.

Vinny looked at.... something. I’m not sure how to describe it. “I don't know, but he isn’t in the maze anymore.”

“Huh... I wouldn’t think that Discord would let us leave like that. Anyways, it’s best we probably stick together. Need a lift?”

“First things first” Vinny said, taking out a small black box and retrieving a whistle from the inside. He blew the whistle, and the first thing I thought was KILL IT WITH FIRE!! As the loud, shrill tone it was keyed in hurt my ears substantially. The ground lit up in circles and weird markings. Next thing I know, there are animals popping out of the ground, some sort of skeleton eagle, a giant turtle with lava, a phoenix, and the sabre tooth cat creature. “I need you guys to go search the maze for some ponies, don't hurt them, just make sure they are ok.” They nodded to him, then dispersed throughout the maze.

“I’m not even going to ask. I’ve seen the bovine fall to his death and reconnect his head. I honestly don’t think anything can surprise me now.”

“No, probably not.” Vinny said, pulling out a book. His finger stopped on something in it, and in comes a small three wheeled vehicle, about the size of a store stall. “Come on I only got five pets and there are six girls, so we need to find one of em.”

“Alright.” I replied nodding. I looked up and saw the phoenix circling above the hedge. What ever it was circling couldn’t have been more than a hundred meters away in the hedge “Think thats where one of them is?”

“Yep.” He replied. We made our way out of the big clearing and into a smaller one. In the middle there was a small pony, but It didn’t look like one of the six we were looking for. The pony spun around and looked at with its different colored (and shaped) eyes.

“So good to meet you Badger the Hippogriff, and you to Vinny!. Lucky me, a twofer!”

“Celestia damnit... Why does this always happen to me?” I said, sighing deeply.

Vinny suddenly reached back and pulled out -what was- his bow. As he brought it forward there was a pop, and it turned into a freaking huge rubber chicken “Da fuck man?”

“Sorry my poor goblin, but I have to speak with Badger alone for a while. Ta-Ta!”

With another snap, Vinny disappeared. I sighed deeply. “What do you want Discord?”

“Don’t ask me what I want, I want to know what YOU want.”

“I want you to leave equestria. Is that so hard?”

“OOOOO so close... But wrong answer... Tell me Badgy -I hope you don’t mind me calling you Badgy- how many major battles have you been in?”

[Over nine thousand. SAY IT!]

“Three.” I was getting bored already.

[Forget you too.]

“Tell me, young hippogriff, do you really know who Rage is?” Discord said, popping back into his original form. He slithered through the air and rested in front of me, hovering almost like he was on a table.

“A second conscious?”

“Wrong again! Its actually your family’s ancestors, stuck in your head.” He knocked on my skull with his eagle claw. “And it is all of them together that make up Rage. And in fact, that is why there is only one Hippogriff per family until the other dies.” He turned over in the air, looking at me upside down.

“Uhhhh huhh.... Yeah.... Sure.”

“Don’t believe me?” Discord sat up, feigning surprise. “I, good sir, am quite frankly shocked and offended!” His paw suddenly had a white glove on it. He picked it off and slapped the scar on my beak with it.

“What do you want, Discord.” I made sure to add the poison on his name.

“Chaos. Eternal. Beautiful. Chaos.” Discord smiled, and reached out to my head.

Everything blacked out.

`````````About five minutes later````````

I woke up with a horrible headache. I pulled my right talon up to my head and softly rubbed my temples. Ok... Recap time.

~What happened?~

[All I know is Discord touched you, and now your voice is higher]

~Wait Discord- eep!~

[HAHAHA!! You sound like a pony!]

I opened my eyes slowly, looking around. Everything that used to be colorful was now grey. I slowly stepped forward a couple of times, unsure of what may happen next or what was going on. I felt...Lighter. I slowly edged my way to a path in the hedge. I looked around the edge cautiously. I quickly retreated my head back to the side with the clearing and sighed. I looked up to see a face right up in mine.

“Oh hell-!” I screamed out, diving into the hedge itself, hiding.

Discord just sat there -in the air, mind you- laughing loudly. “Haha! Come on, Badget, afraid of a little chaos?”

“Badget? Who are you calling Badget!” I squeaked out, my voice about two octaves higher than usual. I immediately covered my mouth with one of my talons.

“I’m calling YOU Badget.” Discord said, snapping his fingers and making a mirror appear out of nowhere. He dropped it on the ground a few inches away from the hedge and smiled. “I have to go now, I’m going to create more chaos! Ta-Ta!!” And in a flash he was gone.

I slowly reached out and grabbed the mirror, and angled it towards myself. The first thing I noticed, was the slender form. I was smaller- much smaller than I should be. Then I noticed the eyelashes. Oh Celestia.... Oh sweet baby Celestia. I moved the mirror a bit, and saw that I had my wings back. I angled the mirror again.

[You know, if I didn’t know any better, you look freaking good.]

~You have a female voice too.~

[....I am going to kill Discord when I get the chance.]

~Good luck, he just turned me into a girl.~

[And me!]

~Well why don’t you make me a damn sandwich, Rage?~

[Hahaha. Fuck you. I see what you did there.]

A loud pop in front of me and Discord was back. “I am so sorry, I seem to forget your new personality.... Have fun being Fluttershy!” He poked my head again through the hedge and then disappeared again.

~What did he mean by... Oh dear...~ I don’t know how, but I felt like everything I was doing was being judged. Everything I did was under scrutiny.

I slowly put the mirror back on the ground, and poked my head outside of the hedge. I looked left and right, making sure no one was looking. I slowly stepped out and ruffled my wings. I sighed deeply and took the path next to me and slowly made my way to the first left, and I took it. There was a crossroad, left and right. To the left was a large clearing. The middle...? I slowly took a couple of steps that way, and peaked around the corner to see if there was anything there. Next thing I know there is the white unicorn mare, greyed out, hugging a gigantic rock yelling out ‘MINE!’. I slowly stepped back the way I came.

[We have wings... Why don’t we just fly out?]

~Discord said everypony had to play, or the ‘game’ would be over.~

[But, we’re not a pony, are we?]

~....Mother of Celestia.~

[Freakin’ loopholes, how do they work!?]

I opened my wings and took to the air.

[Also... We should see if Gilda likes females.]

~Wait, what?~

[I mean, we’re in a female’s body, right? So why not have a little fun with another female and-]


[Every party needs a pooper, that’s why they invited you. Party pooper. Party pooper.]

~Fuck it, we have to stay here and watch over the mares anyways-~

I was interrupted by the cackling laughter of Discord. I looked down, and saw him snap his fingers and disappear. The six mares were on the ground doing something, all greyed out.

~Lets just watch from a distance... If things get bad then I guess I could help...~

[Atta girl.]

They were acting strangely, acting almost completely different as to how their Element is..Er... Was.

```````````````Almost a day later`````````````````

The gigantic rock sat in the middle of a crater, the newly recolored Elements of Harmony hunted down Discord, and turned him to stone with a fabulous display of colors and rainbows. A lot was hard to see or hear during that time, considering any noise behind me made me jump three feet into the air and dive for the nearest tree or bush. But what I did see, was all six of the Elements and Discord in a crater. They were talking, but being a couple hundred feet in the air makes it hard to listen.

The white unicorn was fighting off the southern earthpony like she knew karate, the pink one was screaming at Discord about something, the soft yellow pegasus (now grayed) was (even from up here) I could see was being a jerk to everyone. Next thing I know, Discord pop’s off, and I’m surrounded by pink clouds....That started to rain chocolate. I followed them to the library, but took up on the balcony outside, looking in through a window. After about ten minutes, shit hit the fan. I found myself cowering under the window, hoping they wouldn’t see me and turn their hatred onto myself. My back rested against the wall, and I was sitting there shuddering. Then they started to head out with jewelry around their necks.

“LOOK OUT, HERE COMES TOM!” I heard the purple unicorn call, seconds before the huge rock smashed its wall through the wall behind me, causing me to fly through the air for a couple for seconds. Holy hell she is strong. I hit a nearby building and slid slowly to the ground.

````````````````````````````````````````About two hours later```````````````````````

Unfortunately for me, being knocked unconscious for the last two hours, made me miss a lot of things. I saw the six recolored mares standing in front of discord, shooting the symbols of the jewelry at him, then out came a rainbow, that arced across the sky and hit him like an artillery shell. The dome (that I now dub as rainbow dome of cleansing) had engulfed all of Equestria, undoing almost all of discord’s magic. Almost. I was still a female hippogriff.

After asking Twilight Sparkle (Got to know her after she figured out I was the guard that took them to the maze, she's really quite the talker!) about the femaleness, she said it would take two days to wear off on its own.

~[I wonder what Gilda will think for the next two days?]~ Rage and myself asked at the same time.

Insanity comes in Griffons

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Sometimes, griffons don't know when to shut the hell up.
[Rage speaks to me in this]
~I respond to him in this~
These are my thoughts

[Head's up, if Rage ever takes control, It is ALWAYS in badger' body, even if it is confusing to tell who is doing what]

[We could have took the train...]
~I know.~
[Then why didn't we take the train?]
~Cause I thought that-~
[EXACTLY! Because you thought! We wouldn't have to fly five hours ALL THE WAY TO CANTERLOT. I wear, leave you to fighting and rational thoughts to me, then we could be an actual team]
~Rage... I can't wait until you're out of my head..~
[Funny thing about that... I'm here till you die.]

`````````````In Canterlot, 5 hours later`````````

I resigned my dented armor in the barracks, and made my way outside. I took a deep breath of the Canterlot air, and looked around the castle training grounds. I noticed a couple of male griffons and hippogriffs looking at me, but I payed them no mind. I walked over to the nearest training sword and picked it up. I gave it a few swings through the air and nodded to myself. I heard a couple of chuckles behind me, but paid no mind to them. I took to the air, surveying the training grounds.

There were targets in the air, held aloft by unseen unicorns. Some in the forms of Pegasi, Griffons, and Hippogriffs. I brought the sword back, and smiled. I sped to the first target, a pegsus, And nimbly took to the left, scoring a hit around its right hind leg. I spun through the air sharply, slicing across the back of its neck. I moved on to the second target, a hippogriff. I came from beneath it, slashing in an upwards motion, cutting its body in two. I barrel rolled to the last target, a griffon. I flew up in front of it, and flicked my talon, decapitating it without even looking at it. I flew back down and put the training sword on the rack, and walked up to the hay-filled dummies. I started up on my close quarters combat, until I heard another chuckle from behind me.

I turned around and looked two griffons in the face.

"What do you want." I demanded.

"Chill baby, we were just watching you fight."

[They said baby. Kill now?]


""Good to know." I said, about to walk past them, until the buffer of the two stepped in front of me, cutting me off. Shit's about to go down. I sighed, and looked to him. "You, get out of my way."

"Or what, sweetcakes?"

[Now kill?]

~Wound, yes. Kill? No.~

Rage mumbled something about 'ruining his fun'.

I sighed deeply, and put my right talon to my face, and face-taloned. I put my talon back down, and took a step back. ~Want to do the honors, Rage?~

"Who's first?" Rage said, taking over my body, and grabbing a wooden training sword. The big one just smiled and looked to his friend, motioning to me and starting to chuckle. The smaller one just nodded and smiled. The big one opened up his wings, and took a couple flaps to warm up, and took to the air a couple of feet. Rage didn't even bother to look up to him, and yawned. "I have yet to care. Seriously. You, small guy, go get me a damned sandwich, I'm hungry."

Rage smiled as the smaller of the two started to shake, holding himself from attacking. The larger one let out a loud screech, but for some reason, high pitched. The big one charged, which was surprisingly slow. This guy is more like a butterfly then a griffon....

Rage waited for a second before taking off directly at the griffon, training sword held back and to his side. As they approached each other, the clumsy griffon reached out to Rage, and Rage in return smiled evilly. Rage tilted to the left slightly, holding up the sword. The griffon zoomed past, nailing his wing against the training sword (or stick, if you prefer, for how easily it snapped in half) and instantly falling onto the ground, skidding his beak and face into the dirt. He slid for a couple of meters before he stopped, and I heard a soft snoring from him. Rage turned my head around and smiled at the smaller one.

He took a step back, staring at me in horror. He turned to flee, but Rage moved faster. In a mere second Rage traveled over ten meters, and landed in front of the griffon. Rage reached out and grabbed his throat. "Lets put a smile on that beak." Rage grinned evilly.

`````````````````````````````Arriving back at the school``````````````````````````````````````````````

"You are one sadistic son of a bitch, you know that Rage?" I said aloud, gaining a couple of glances my way by some ponies.

[I try.]
~You knocked him out then plucked the feathers around his beak to make it seem like he is smiling.~
[Why so serious?]
[Lets go check up on Gilda?]
~Oh hell, I completely forgot!~

I quickly took to the air, and flew directly to my room. I dodged around some buildings and landed in front of my door (Interesting fact, cloud dorms have their doors on the outside of their balconies). I opened the door and walked in, only to see Gilda sleeping on the couch. [D'awwwwww she looks so cute-] There was a crash from the kitchen, which made me jump and wake her up... Somewhat.

"Thal... It's to early... Go back to sleep...."

From the kitchen I heard a male voice. "Sorry Gilda, I'll be more quiet."


Insanity comes in Griffons And Hippogriffs

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The need to hurt something.

The need for blood to be shed.

Honor to be regained.

That was all I felt, as I gave Rage complete control over everything, my thoughts, my emotions, my breathing, everything. I heard in my head, a sudden song. I felt my body change back to male, I Rage looked into a nearby mirror. My entire body was black, even the once white feathers on my head. My eyes were pitch black with two glowing circles in the middle that were my iris's. I smiled, as I admired myself for a moment. I looked back to Gilda, and put my beak next to her ear. I let out a screech that sounded not only like my own, but dozens of hippogriffs at once. She jumped up, looking around frantically, until her eyes rested on me.

"Do tell who Thal is before-" I saw him emerge from the kitchen, a griffon, withe lightning blue feathers, about a foot taller then Gilda.He had one gold eye and one brown eye. His wings were strapped to his body, and he had what seemed to be a loosened straight jacket on. Yet he strangely looked familiar..."-And there is the griffon of the hour!" Myself and Rage were in perfect harmony, same thoughts, same plan, same goal. We were one. Moving as one, not as a team. I was Rage, and Rage was me. Pure darkness radiated from my wings, falling to the ground in slow droves. I shot across the small space between us and picked him up by the throat.

"Any last words weakling, before I have to put you down?"

He just smiled. Literally, just smiled. There was a visibly change in his eyes, almost like as if they had gotten a little bit smaller. His left wing twitched in its harnesses, as did his right. I brought back my talon behind me, my claws pointed out for a death blow. I threw my claw through the air straight to him.

He violently kicked out, hitting me in my stomach, his lion's paw claws dug into me. ~[Pain is an illusion.]~ I let go, eager for a good fight for once. I jumped back, using my wings to take me a bit farther. I landed about ten feet away from him by the time he landed on the ground, my wings flared out. His wings started to twitch again, until they violently shot out of their harnesses. He broke out of his loosened straight jacket, and pulled two knives from the inside. He had a crazy look on his face, not that of homicidal, but looking as if it was all a game, and he was just there for the fun.

He charged at me, and I did what I always did, wait till the last second to move. This was a mistake. As I moved to the left, his claw shot out with a knife and sliced across my right shoulder. I turned around to get him in front of me, and i tackled him through the side of the cloud, slicing and punching him as we fell. I stabbed my beak down, getting a large beak full of blue feathers on his chest. He retaliated by stabbing my sides a couple of times. He threw me off before we reached the ground, both of us flapping our wing as hard a we could, and hovered a foot about the welcoming earth.

I felt nothing, no pain, I didn't even feel the blood coming out of the cuts he gave me. He was just as bad, only of his wing was somewhat damaged by a buck i gave it, and he had a new cut going down the length of his beak. His jacket was torn open in several places, and I could see from each tear there was another knife

He started to talk, laughing a little between words, "You fight like someone I used to know... Hippogriff. You also fight like a pureblooded Hippogriff.... Was your father one as well, or do you not know? Were you a member of the ERA? LSO?"

"Stop saying words." I readied to charge again, tensing my wings. I tensed the muscles in my neck, to have it form the stereotypical predatory 'S' shape. Only to have Gilda hover between us.

"Guys, stop! Your both being dweebs! Thal, stand down. And you!" She looked directly at me. "Calm down!" She gave each of us a glare, a glare that would instantly kill butterflies and all that was good in the world.

"He attacked me first!" Thal said, gaining some of his previous, more sane look.

"An unknown male griffon in my room, let alone with my girlfriend in my room. I have damn good reason to kill." I said, not leaving my tensed up body to relax even in the slightest. ~[I dare you to try something 'Thal'. I would love to just rip out - ]~

"Badger, calm down! Brother, I don't care who attacked who first, I'm ending it."

That took the wind out of my sails. ~[Brother?]~

"You have a brother!?" I yelled to her, at the same time as Thal screamed out, "THAT'S BADGER!?"

"Yes, you two numb-skulls! Now cut it out!!" She looked to her brother. "Not literally... But stop fighting."

I felt Rage and my mind disconnect, loosing all of my little 'perks'. My wings stopped dropped darkness like it was fog, my eyes changed back to their normal golden color, and my white feathers returned to the top of my head. Thal simply muttered a few things and sheathed his knives.

"Now both of you, to the damned infirmary, before I have to kill both of you personally!"

"Fine. Come on, Badger." That said my name like he was still contemplating on killing me.

"I'll lead the way." I said, flapping my wings every now and again to hove over the ground, while at the same time cruising on a draft of wind to go to ground infirmary, with Thal five meters away, doing the same. We were close the forest, where the drafts were a bit easier to sail in.

[Uh, my head.... Wait, were we just pussy-whipped into submission by Gilda?!]
~So it would seem.~

Thal was looking at me weirdly, head cocked to the side.

"What?" I asked, looking at him.

"I didn't know you have another you on your shoulder."

"Wait, what? I don't?"

"Yes you do, It calls itself Rage.. It seems to argue with itself alot... Maybe I can.." He reached out to my houlder and touched air. Next thing I know, I suddenly have a horrible migraine. A migraine so bad I fell out of the sky and face-planted on the ground, leaving a small skid-mark. I couldn't tell at the time, due to horrible suicide causing headache, but Thal landed next to me, watching.


It felt like my mind was being split in two, that someone literally cut my head in half and I didn't die. Suddenly, the pain stopped, and I opened my eyes. I saw two little versions of myself in front of me, though see through. The one on the right was pitch black, with not a single white feather on him. the other one was the opposite, pure white. I blinked a couple of times, trying to see if it was my imagination. The one of the left moved its beak, as if talking.

There was a loud ringing in my ears, and I finally heard it.

{Hello, Badger. It's about dang time you heard me.}
~Who the hell are you?~
[A pansy who doesn't have the honor to fight.]
{That was mean, War. There is no need for name calling!}
[There is always a need for name calling, Peace!]
~WAIT!!! So what the fuck happened to Rage?~
{[We are him, but now we are just... separate.]}
[I'm the part of Rage -and you- that wants to watch the world burn to ashes].
{I'm the part of Rage, and yourself, that doesn't want to kill, or hurt others, I'm also the part of you that's holding you back from doing so, though sometimes I may agree with War over there..
~So, now what?~
{[We get you healed.]}

And just when I thought today couldn't get any worse... A motherfucking manticore ran out of the forest, and stood right in front of Thal and me.

Manticore and an Eclipse

View Online

Because I’m not ‘almost killed’ enough already

“You have got to be fucking kidding me.” I said, dread filling my voice.

“Hehe, nope!” Replied Thal, who smiled as the manticore let out a loud roar.

“Take me off the fire, I’m done-” I had no chance to complete my sentence, and a large paw shot out and hit the side of my head with the force a hurricane. I was flying through the air and nailed a tree deep in the forest. I let out a loud yell at a couple of my ribs cracked and my vision faltered.

Dear Celestia.. If I die, please, for the love of what you consider holy, send as many soldiers to this school and cleanse the damned forest. Amen.

I looked up to see Thal hit a tree next to mine, large knives falling out of his already cut up jacket.



I looked up, lo-and-behold, the manticore was right in front of me. It swung its tail around like a scorpion would, from the side. I ducked down and rolled to the right, the tip only grazing me. I righted myself, and jumped at it, my talons out. I landed a couple scratches into its stomach as Thal recovered from his injury, and jumped at it from the other side. I felt dizzy and lightheaded, and I lost my grip on the pissed off beast. It kicked me with its hind leg as it threw Thal off of itself, knocking me back a couple of meters.

I shook my head and went back it it, I drove my wings down as hard as I could to get some elevation on my target, the adrenaline in my system taking away most of the pain. Most. I dived at it, my talons going around its neck, and my beck buried in its lion’s fur.It forced the large bat wings on its back up, pushing me over his head, with my back on the ground.

[How about-]

DON’T THINK, JUST DO, I interrupted War.

It’s teeth were bared at me, one large paw on my chest, stopping me from moving. My vision started to blur again, pain increasing in my shoulder where the tail hit earlier... a scorpion tail. But..but... that’s unfair..

It grinned at me and slowly brought its head down to mine. Halfway there, a large blue blur of pure force hit its side. It stumbled back a bit, giving me just enough room to escape. I wriggled free and shot up, then got knocked aside with a bitch slap from the large beast. I went lying again, and hit another tree. I got the wind knocked out of me, and I couldn’t breathe. I ell to the ground, coughing and barely able to hold myself up. I was hit in the side by a large blue feathery thing, that could only be Thal. I looked down, still coughing, to see him out cold.

“Is that all..” I coughed loudly, a little bit of blood leaving my beak, ”you got, you ugly, son-of-a-bitch?”

As if it understood me, it gave a malicious grin. It swung its tail around, the back of it hitting me on the beak and side of my face, causing me to spin in place. Then it swiped a large paw down, pinning me to the ground on my side. Its tail snaked around and was right above my eye. I could see the poison on the tip with extreme clarity, and then it plunged it into my right shoulder.

Almost instantly I felt extreme pain, like my body was being eaten away by acid. I slowly became overwhelmed by the pain, the only thing I heard was;

“Fluffy, stop! No! You’re going to be fine!”

Warning: contains gore.

Use this map for locations

I dreamed of Operation Eclipse.

There were hundreds of Hippogriffs, all on a plateau south of the Broken Leylands, the land of Diamond Dogs. Funny, how they once had large cities. Each hippogriff had three escorts, one Griffin and two pegasi. There was a large round canister, about the size of an Earth Pony on steroids, with a small window on the side, showing green fire. What we had were prototypes of the prototypes, of what the higher up’s called ‘napalm’. It was some sort of magic powered fire that would stick to everything it touched, burning all the while, until a Unicorn put it out. Devastating, to say the least.

The two Princesses were standing in front of the entire Airborne Division, giving a speech. In short terms, the Diamond dogs were taking pony slaves, alongside Griffin and Hippogriff. The Princesses had enough, giving them multiple chances to give back the slaves to their families, and the warnings were ignored. The punishment? Well.. made my training look like a kid in a toystore.

“And to those who we send into battle, may the Sun and Moon guide your way. And to those that may not make it, we give a moment of silence.” The Lunar Princess said, bowing her head, followed by her sister. They then mounted a large chariot and flew the huge amount of miles back to Equestria.

The commander of the Division took the stand. “Everyone, I want you all to know, I am proud of you. What we are going to accomplish here, may kill hundreds, or thousands of Diamond Dogs, but will save hundreds of thousands of Ponies, Griffins and Hippogriffs. Good luck, and remember, this is for more than Equestria. this is for the Griffin Kingdom, and for the families of the affected.

“Now which one of you is a soldier?”

North, South, East, West,

E-questria is the best,

Standing proud, Standing tall

We’re the greatest of them all!

The Commander smiled, his voice amplified by a nearby unicorn, “Hooah!”


Boom, like thunder,

We are gonna take you under,

Flash, like lightning,

We, are going to keep on fighting

Wind’s blowing, hurricane,

ERA’s gonna do it’s thing.

Soon as we, hit the ground,

Everyone else is going down,

Brace yourself,

Brace yourself,


“Celestia bless you. All of you.” The commander gave a little salute. “Mission is a go in five minutes. you know the signal... when the moon moves in front of the sun. Prep yourselves, it’s going to be a long day... for them, a long night.”

A large Hippogriff approached me, a star hanging on one of his chest feathers. “Hey, how ya’ holding up?”

“Good, sir.”

“Hey, leave the formalities during battle, just call me Shadow. I’m a fighter just like you.” He paused, looking for the right words. “You have any family?”

“Just my mother, Flame Star.”


“Disappeared after I was born.”

“I see... well my bondmate is in the Griffin Kingdom, ask around for a Hippogriff named Tali, and they’ll point you in the right way. If I don’t make it through the battle, or any future battle-”

“Don’t talk like that, you’ll see her again. But... same thing for me, alright?” I interrupted before he could make his day worse. He simply nodded. “Now get your ass in gear sir, time to rock and roll.”

He smiled and nodded his head. “Alright, lets go. I’ll see you on the far side.”

“Likewise.” I replied as he took his leave.

I cracked my neck and my talons, and took hold of the gargantuan sized canister. My wings parallel to the ground. I saw other soldiers doing the same. I looked at my escort, the Griffin in the lead, i was flanked on both sides by a pony. Alpha formation, I reminded myself. ‘Skits’, the Griffin, he never told us his name, but he said he saw things that we couldn’t. His color was blue with a white crest. Fire Wing, the pegasus on my right, her ability to manipulate clouds enough to make them solid was amazing. She was an orangish color but her tail was blue and tipped with orange, same with her mane. Thunder Struck, to my left, just by bucking the air, he can cause a loud strike of thunder. A greyer color, with lightning yellow mane and tail. I trained with them for almost my entire life. They were my brothers, and sister. I prayed to Celestia everything will be alright for them, and they make it to their families next week.

As the other Hippogriffs took hold of their canisters, and made the right pose, a shadow fell upon us, and then the surrounding countryside. My eye gazed up, to the solar eclipse above us. I kissed my tags. Now or never. I heard shadow, his voice as loud as he could yell, “GO GO GO!” the beating of thousands of wings filled the air, with the grunts of hippogriffs picking up the large and heavy cylinders. We took to the air, as well as other division’s did around us on separate plateaus .

I knew the numbers. Two thousand Hippogriffs, almost our entire species. Four thousand Pegasi, a large number to be reckoned with. And last but never least, two thousand Griffins, a large chunk of their own species. Get home safe, all of you.

If it wasn’t for the Eclipse, we would’ve blocked out the sun ourselves. The canisters we were carrying almost as big as myself. It hit me suddenly. What i had in my talons, was not a weapon meant for subduing, but for destruction, shock and awe. It was fire in a can, literally. I felt sorry for whoever it landed on. I sighed deeply and shook my head of the thoughts.

The First Airborne (from the plateau on the left of us) broke off, as did the Third (on the right) to come around and hit them from the side. It was an age old strategy, a large group hits the front as a distraction, while the other two would hit the side. Sadly though, we were not the distraction... I looked down and saw ponies on the ground, already fighting with the Dogs. Flares of magic igniting then quickly silenced by wooden bolts of crossbows. Some of the First’s pegusi broke off of their own formation and gathered up some clouds, and started to rain lightning on the dogs below to help their comrades on the ground.

The dogs poured out of the ground like angry ants, escaping their collapsed colony to neutralize the threat, no matter how big or small. There were thousands on the ground. We literally, pissed off the hornets nest.

I looked back up to see and hear shadow let out a screech, as did every other hippogriff in Second, and we dropped the canisters one by one, onto the ground below. The sounds I heard that day would scar me the rest of my life. Yelps of pain, screams of the dying and worse of all, the fire crackling in their pain, refusing to go out, to consume all of the fuel from its host. It was almost like a parasite.

Finally it got to me to drop the bomb, and I did... only to get my talon caught in the right grip. I dropped like a rock, flapping frantically to stay upright. After I regained my balance I looked down to see the dogs were no more than fifty feet below me.

I let go of the canister finally, and watched it drop into a large mass of the dogs. It exploded, the shrapnel killing some, as the fire engulfed all in its path like it was kinlin soaked in lighter fluid. I blocked out any noise they made and watched the fire spread farther as I flew. It was as if it was following me, though most likely rom inertia. Something whizzed by my head, and then another hit me on my right wing, forcing me to the ground.

I landed heavily, but caught myself before I could wipe out. Around me landed my escort, the Griffin and pegasi... as well as ten or so diamond dogs. Must remember training. Weak spots... I looked at their armor, which was clunky at best. Made of different gems, but still clunky and scarce, almost as if they ate some of it. I clenched my talons.

The entire Second had dropped their canisters around us and dived to the ground to help the forces on the ground. Around me were the tell tale screams of griffins and hippogriffs engaged in combat, now it is my turn.

I let out a loud screech and dived to the closest Dog, my talons reach out for his weapon, which was a spear. I yanked the spear out of its hands and spun around, it digging into one of his comrades neck, the back out, and through the former owners stomach. I noticed Fire Wing having trouble with one of the Dogs, and was pinned. I pulled out the spear with a sickening sound, and threw it at his attacker. Sadly my weapon was lost, as it went through the diamond dog and shattered against another's breast plate.

“He’s coming out!”

“What do we do, Doctor?”

“Put him back under, now! I want fifty milligrams in him now! Send someone out to fetch Dream Weaver!”

Doctor? They don’t belong in this... do they? It’s never happened before. Dream Weaver? I never heard of them either. In my distraction, a diamond dog bit into my right arm, just above my talon. I reach up to repel it, but had my arm trapped by another that came from nowhere.

“He’s fighting it! Put fifty more in!”

“Won’t that hurt him?”

“He’s a Hippogriff, it’ll take twenty times more to hurt him.”

“Yes, sir.”

I felt another Dog bite me, but on my other arm. I let out a loud screech, hoping to intimidate them and get them to let go. Thankfully it worked, I felt the pressure on both my talons loosen, and I shook them off. I didn’t hear anymore talking, and it was as if nothing moved from before it. I shook my head and dived at the large D-Dog, my talons ripping off the armor by the straps it had, holding the armor to the dog, and I quickly dug my beak into its neck, coming back with it full of blood. The dog fell, and I spit out the blood onto the ground, which landed in a sick spluch.

“Who’s next?”

As I said that, First and Third came from the sides, dropping their canisters into the fray, lighting up the ground behind me with multicolored fire. Which was, of course, followed by the screams of the dying. A small trail of fire exploded around me, but was mysteriously pushed around me so it wouldn’t land on me, in a sphere. It then shot off into a small row of Dogs behind the small ground attacking my Escorts and myself, causing them to hit the ground and start rolling to put themselves out... which wasn’t working.

I was suddenly knocked off my hooves by a larger explosion on my side, and felt myself hit the ground. I looked up to see my escorts on the ground as well, covering their ears... save for Skits. He stood and watched the fire, a growing smile on his beak.

“Skits! Help us before they attack again!” I yelled out.

“My name is not Skits,” He spat out the nickname like it was a curse. “My name is Thal.” He picked up two diamond knives, and dove into the fire, laughing and singing a song that one would consider happy.

What!? What is Thal doing- OH SHIT THAT IS THAL! No wonder he thought he knew me earlier!

A large force hit me in the side again, causing me to look up. It was a female griffin, with eye shadow on. “C’mon.. Wake up big guy. It’s been forever... please... for me...”

I blinked a couple of times, and my vision tunneled, with a light brighter then any explosion in front of me. Next thing I know it’s approaching me with the speed of a train.

I took a large gulp of air and brought my talon to my head. Of course, the first thing I say comes out like a freaking genius, “Wherea teh phuck am ah?”

Then Gilda tackles me on... a hospital bed? What happened? I thought that- The manticore. Celestia.. so help me I don’t hunt it down with a canister.

“Thank Celestia you’re back!”

“Heya G, what’s up?”

“You are, now. You’ve been out for a long time.”

“Define ‘out’ and ‘long time’ and ‘now’”

“You’ve been in a coma for the past two weeks, you woke up during the middle of the procedure to remove the tail of the manticore. Yes, the end with the poison got stuck in your shoulder. The poison they couldn’t fix, said the only way is for your body to work it out itself.”

“Two weeks? Doesn’t feel like it... seems like it was yesterday.”

“Regardless... you’re lucky Victory found you when she did.”

“Wait, Victory?”

“Yeah... turns out the manticore is her pet.”

“Da fuq?”

“Yeah. My thoughts too. It’s best not to look too far into it”

“So what now?”

“You get your lazy ass back in shape. You are in NO condition to fly, let alone fight.”

I sighed and facetaloned. “Time for some PT...”’


Gnome - I think i'm in the wrong story. Solar said he would meet me here... stupid Pegasi, always late.

Solar - You sonofagun.

Gnome - So why did you want to meet me here?

Solar - To look at what I got.

Gnome - Well it seems ok. I like how you finally got your ass handed to you.

Solar - Shaddup. It had to happen eventually.

Gnome - True... so think we should tell them about our.... little plan?

Solar - Sure, why the hell not. Alright everyone, another crossover with Gnome is on the way. It is going to be, as Rainbow would say: AWESOME!

Gnome - Hells yes it will be it involves monsters from ,World Of Warcraft Dungeons And Dragons and some native to Equestria.

Solar - Guest starring: …. uhhh.... seven very peculiar enemies.

Gnome - That and Badger is going to get a new beating stick. Its very pointy.

Solar - Thal is also going to be a main character as well, and has a very special place.

Gnome - Well thats all we can say for now but the colab starts at the end of Solars next chapter so heres hoping it won't take him a month this time *stare* lets hope.

Solar - Tough luck, but I’ll be trying. Anyways, shameless promoting, I have been working on a new story, ‘In the Darkness the Lone Blades Light the Way’ have a look see.

What a Girl Wants

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The Sin of Lust

Gilda’s turn.

------------------------------------------------------Gilda’s POV-------------------------------------------

The lack of sounds from the hospital slowly brought me to my senses out of my sleep. I brought my head from the side of his bed and yawned loudly. “Morning Badger” I said, groggily staring at the empty bed- Wait, empty bed!? I shook my head to help me wake up. Why is he not in bed, and where the hell did he go? My gaze traveled to the door leading to the halfway outside.

I made my way to it slowly, and opened it with a loud creak. Poking my head out, I saw the usual stuff. Oxygen tanks, empty wheelchairs, the complete lack of any staff. Yep, the usual. I felt another yawn coming, and held it back. There was no noise on the entire floor, save for the humming of the lights.

Must be time for coffee. Can I get some too? No? Okay then. I started to walk down the hall. the whole scene was eerie, the lights flickered every now and again, the fact that every single room was empty or devoid and any lights. It almost made me shudder... almost. Manehatten, Equestria’s only city that supports tea-time. I finally approached the end of the hall, where a window looked out onto a courtyard. The only living soul in this entire hospital seemed to be a dark blue unicorn.

Opening up the window I yelled out, “Hey, dweeb! Where is everyone!?”

The pony looked up to me with surprise on her face, then ran off and out of the courtyard.

“Hey! I asked you a question!” I yelled out, jumping out the open window and unfolding my wings. I dropped a couple of feet, then started to flap. My wings cracked a couple of times before I started to chase after the already annoying pony. I turned the corner and left the way she did... into an empty Manehatten street. Wait, when has Manehatten every had an empty street? I forgot about the mare, and flew higher. That’s when I saw a shadow on the ground and a shimmer of gold.

I angled my wings and banked downward to a nearby alley and glided towards it. Landing with a clack, I noticed the shadow again entering a doorway on the side of the building. I stopped on the outside and laid my talon against one of the brinks, which gave out. My claw went into the building and i felt something squishy. Grabbing it, I brought it out of the hole. It was a squeaky toy. I heard a voice enter my head, in case of squeaky toy emergencies! Wait... I heard that voice before... sounds like someone I disliked.. a lot. Oh well, no use worrying about it now. I looked at the toy, which was a pony, cyan with a rainbow mane and tail, and it had wings. Rainbow Dash? Why was there a squeaky toy of her?

“This day is just too weird.”

I walked into the building the shadow did, and was hit by- darkness. There were no lights on, save for a now open window at the far end of a long hallway. The shadow appeared near the windows and it was a stallion. He was dressed in Royal Guard armor and he was carrying a bottle in his teeth. “Hey! Where is everyone?” The guard continued walking towards me before stopping to look out the window.

He turned towards me again and I saw his eyes they were glassy white and zoned out. “Gift for Lust. She asked for it. I am to bring it. She chose me...” A smile spread across his face. “She chose me!” He said happily.

“Who’s ‘Lust’?”

“The most beautiful mare in the world.”

“What does she look like?”

“An angel.” He stared off into the distance, a dreamy look on his face.

“Can you take me to her?”

His eyes lit up a little more “Two gifts for Lust...Lust will be happy with me!” he picked up the bottle, and motioned to the window at the end of the hall. We made our way there and looked up. What I saw would’ve made me laugh under any other conditions.

There infront of us was the Manehatten Park in all its glory. To its dishonor, there were stallions EVERYWHERE. I’m not talking about here and there, I mean every available inch there was a stallion or male Griffin. What caught my eye though, was a Griffin head at least two feet high then the others... Badger! The Guard next to me opened his wings and flew down to the ground, and looked up to me, motioning for me to do the same.

I jumped down without bothering to open my wings, landing on my lion paws first. I nodded to the Guard (who I have now nicknamed Royal Pain). We slowly made our way down a large walking trail, that was flanked by at least a platoon of Royal Guards on each side of us. The other guys were pretty much graveling at the ground of a blue unicorn mare- THAT BITCH! sitting in a golden chair... made of Guard armor

“Hey!” I yelled out, taking a couple of flying leaps, and I landed a the hooves oh her. “What the flying hell is going on?”

Off behind her I saw a large leaf start fanning her. I poked my head around the corner to see Badger holding the stem. It would’ve been hilarious if he didn’t have a blank look in his eyes, and I wasn’t dating him.

“B, you ok?”

Same monotone look on his face.

“Badger” The mare said, her voice like silk to my ears, “Would you be a dear and get my my Champagne?”

The hippogriff gave the leaf to another guard and walked straight past me, and took the bottle from Royal Pain. He came back and poured her a glass, then took his leaf back and fanned her again. Da fuq?

“Thank you dearie.” The mare smiled and winked at him, which he smiled back.

Oh hell no she didn’t.

“Enlighten me, princess. What the feather is going on?”

“Well, every male in the entire city loves me. Yep. That pretty much sums it up.”

“Who are you?”

“Lust. The driving power behind... well.. for lack of better terms, sex and sexual appeal. I am perfection, and you are not, hence why Badger is here with me, and not with you.”

My heart froze in my chest. No... I will not lose him again. “How much you want to bet?”

“What are you suggesting?”

“Me and you, girl to girl, and since this is my Griffin honor we are talking about, to the death.”

“Let’s alter the rules. You fight Badger, and if you kill him, then you win!”

“Wait what?”

“Sick her, boy!”

And with that Badger jumped over the chair and dropped to the ground in a combat pose. He lunged at me with his right claw outstretched, while his left hung lazily to his side. His attack was sluggish probably from his previous injuries or could it be lust...I ducked under him and kicked with my back legs hitting him in the chest. He collapsed clutching his chest coughing up a little blood and some fire...but mainly fire. Ideeeaaaaa, I sang in my head.

Badger got back up and jumped at me again, sidestepping I grabbed his tail and kicked his head to point it at Lust. “Eat fire, bitch!” I yelled as I yanked on his tail, causing a cannon sized ball of fire to erupt from his beak. It struck Lust right in the chest exploding in a brilliant display of pyrotechnics.

Her body was engulfed in the flame but instead of burning to a crisp she started to disintegrate into brilliant blue chips of... stuff. Well that was highly anticlimactic... my gaze traveled to Badger, who was passed out. If he wasn’t possessed or weak... I would be dead. well thats enough depressing thoughts for one day.

Suddenly everybody else in the park passed out and hit the ground before waking up only seconds later.

“Where am I? and why the fuck am I out of the hospital? And-” Badger burped out a green flame, which turned into a scroll with Celestia’s seal. He reached up for it and opened it. As he read I could see his face lose some color.

“Hey Badger, you okay?” I asked.

“We need to get to Canterlot... ASAP.”

“What about the other’s?”

“Leave them, I think they will wake up. We got shit to do, Gilda!” Badger yelled as he got off the ground.

(Gnome - How the hell did I end up here again... o ya the X-over we were going to start on that hu... anyway the comments on this chapter and my chapter will tell us how you want the X-over to go. All 7 chapters in order, as we planned, or do you want that plus filler chapters?


Gnome - SHIT HE GOT OUT AGAIN!! GET THE TRANK RIFLE *ship ship* drag him back to the cage...and now to entertain you while we give him the wake up stim here is a line of inconsequential words. “Bingle bongle dingle dangle, yickedy doo, yickedy da, ping pong, lippy-tappy-too-ta!”)

The 6.. (edited)

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It took myself and gilda three hours longer than usual to get to Canterlot, due to my wings being weaker than they were before. So after a couple of rest stops we finally spotted the castle. It was also at this time where a group of pegasi clad in golden armor came up and formed a wing around us to escort. One of them purposely bumped into me and almost sent me spiraling out of the sky. I quickly thrust my way back up and glared daggers at the guard who simply smiled.

Those eyes... where have I seen them before? His eye was a deep blue color while his other eye had a patch over it. His lightning yellow tail flowing out behind him.

He obviously noticed my confusion and smiled wider. He quickly shot one of his back legs out and a resounding stroke of thunder rolled across the plains we were over.

“Holy hell, Thunder Struck! How ya been?”

“Peachy, Badger! How’s school going?”

“What school? I haven't been conscious for a week or more.. I can’t remember. Anyways, What are you doing now?”

“About to be the leader of a JROTC unit at your school actually. Should be there in the next couple of days or so.”

“Is that so? Well rock on with your funky bad self. How’s the eye?”

“Same as always. Freaking Dogs.”


We started nearing the castle and we landed on the other side of the hedge maze, then made our way through the maze to a large door where more guards stood.

“So then I was all like, ‘screw you manticore, I’m too good for you beyatch’ and gave him a good ol’ scratch across his face.”

“Awesome. There was this one time where-” Thunder began.

“Good, you have finally arrived,” a calm, soft voice said over our own voices.

I looked over to the new voice and immediately bowed. “Princess.”

“I’m glad you got here... though not what I would call ‘as soon as possible’.”

“Had some complications from a few weeks ago.” I replied, sincerity in my voice.

Before we could continue our conversation, there was a loud crackling noise, followed by bursts of electricity in the air. This formed a sort of spherical light that grew to about the size of Princess Celestia herself. The air ripped open revealing a swirling vortex of golden light that sent two figures shooting out of the portal, crashing through a wall on the opposite side of the room.


“O shit, is your leg supposed to bend like that?”

“Considering it is scratching the back of my head... no.” There was a quick flash of light followed by two sighs of relief. “Ok note to self: dimension hopping is bad for your health.” A head poked out of the hole and came face to spear head with several angry looking guards.

“What is this thing?” Thunder questioned. Celestia moved closer to the hole in the wall and caught a glimpse of the intruder.

“That thing,” she said with intrigue, “Is an Elf, and we haven't seen one of them in over a millenia.”

The head turned around and shouted into the hole. “Hey Vinny, we landed in the throne room at the castle!”

Shit, thats Azok? what the hell happened- never mind. I’m sure he’ll tell me anyways.

The Goblin popped his head out of the hole. “Hell ya!”

“Well it seems fortune favors us today. I was about to summon you both here.”

“Can we ask why?”

“I will tell you, but for now please go stand next to Badger and Gilda.”

“Twelve hours ago a terrorist named Lust enslaved every male in Manehatten; we believe she used an advanced want-it-need-it spell. We want you four to go back to Manehatten and investigate. Azok, Vinny, you are both familiar with mind control spells, correct?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Good, then I would like you all to set out immediately-”

“Taken care of, ma’am,” I replied, going to the position of attention, but flinching from some pain in my shoulder.

"Yo B, you alright? You look like you got ran over by a tank

“Technically I did. A big... four legged.. scorpion-tail wielding... Lion-headed... tank.”

“Wait, you got your ass kicked by a Manticore? How? They’re like beating up a marshmallow.”

“Well that was one big fucking marshmallow.” I retorted, rubbing my shoulder absently

“Come over here, I might be able to do something about your wings.” I made my way to him. “Now sit down and stay still. Since you're not my pet, this is still a little choppy.” He tossed a green orb of light at me, which hit in my left wing. I felt a searing pain for a couple for seconds, and then the pain was obliterated from my body.“How ya feeling?”

“Like I got ran over by a smaller tank.”

“Ever swim in lava?”

“No?” I asked quizzically.

“Then quit bitchin’.”

Clap. Clap. Clap.

Da fuq? Who is clapping?

The answer to my question was a griffin, who landed between us and Celestia

“HAHAHAHAHA! I'm sorry, I’m sorry,” the griffin said. “I know the boss is going to pluck me, but that was just too hilarious.”

“Well, I mean the boss is already pissed, what with the overgrown chicken over there deep frying Lust back in Manehatten, but it was entirely her fault. Stupid chick never did listen.”

“Who are you, and how do you know what happened in Manehatten?” the Princess demanded, lowering her horn to the intruder. I personally took a spear from one of the nearby stunned guards and aimed it at the new challenger.

“Simple,” the taloned fiend said while tapping his skull. “Psychic link between me and the other Seven -well, now I guess Six- sins. By the way, name’s Pride. Now for the reason I’m actually here, I have a message to deliver and now is as good as a time as ever.” Pride cleared his throat and began to speak in a monotone voice, “Dear Princess Celestia, don't interfere with our plans... bla bla bla... or else... bla bla bla... destruction... bla bla bla.” Pride flapped his wings and took to the air.

“Anyways, if it weren’t for our hippogriff’s little girlfriend here, all of manehatten would already be ours.” He zoomed down in front of Gilda, and lightly touched her chin with his talon. “So lovely.. it’s a shame I have to kill you because you killed my sister. But I digress, hit me up sometime before we fight, I’d love to get to know you.”

Who the fuck does this guy think he is?

“Bite me,” Gilda replied, malice in her voice.


“Well, if that’s how you get off...” He seemed to contemplate for a moment, “A little bit too kinky for me. Sorry sweetcakes.”

I threw the spear down and cocked my left arm back and then with as much force as i could muster, threw it at his face. His neck snapped surprisingly easy or a griffin, and not near as satisfying as it should’ve been. He imploded into bright green flames. As i shook my talon to ward off some pain from the hit, I heard laughter from above us.

“You really think I’m that easily defeated? Nice try. Now I think I might just bite her. Have fun while you can kids, because shit is about the hit the fan. Hard.” He once again exploded into green flames.

“Damnit Badger, I was gonna blow his head off!” vinny yelled at me with as much as he could muster “Everything above his shoulders was about to become a fine red mist, but noo~o~o, you had to punch him.”

I opened my beak to retaliate, but was interrupted by the new Azok.

“Calm down, Vinny, he was probably pissed because that Pride guy was hitting on his girl. Something seemed familiar about him, though... Anyway Princess, you still want us to go to Manehatten, or have the plans changed?”

“I'm not sure... Azok, Badger, you two go to Manehatten and check up on some guards I posted there, then return back to me for more orders. Vinny, Gilda, since you two are smaller and more agile than the former two, I need you to check out these locations and scout them out before they come around.”

“Permission to speak freely?” I asked, looking to the princess with determination.

“Permission granted, Master Chief.”

“Why are you going to separate me and Gilda, and send myself and Azok down the Manehatten? We just came from there.”

“Because both of you are the strongest, and being the last place of the attack, they might strike there again.”

“Yeah, well, he doesn't look as strong as he did before.”I mumbled under my breath.

Azok walked over to one of the guards and grabbed his spear “Yoink!” He held it by the end of the shaft and the head and bent it into a pretzel shape.

“Your turn,” he challenged me, tossing the pretzel of a spear to me.“Bend it back.”

After ten failed attempts at even loosening it, I threw it on the ground in a huff. “Fucking aliens all up in our world, being stronger than me... and.. freaking...” i mumbled on, eyeing the spear and then the floor.

“Ok, well we will be heading off, but we have to make a stop at my house first.” Azok inquired

“What do you mean? Why do you have to go down to Ponyville?” Celestia responded, annoyed with his sudden change of the plan.

“Well, if you notice Badger is well... he isn’t as combat proficient as me-”

“Fuck you Azok.” I replied.

“- so I have a gift for him.”

“And what might this gift be?” the Princess questioned

“It’s an upgrade.”

Do tell.
[Yes please, do tell.]
~I concur~

Non-canon cannon

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Badger levels up
Badgers pov

I groaned loudly as I carried the ingriffinly large package to the Quil sand Sofa store. “Quills and sofas? How the bloody fuck do they sell SOFAS AND QUILLS? THEY ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FOR A REASON!”

“Well you could make a sofa from feathers, and quills are made from feathers... so they aren't that different.” replied Gilda, who was lazily sitting on a cloud she moved close to the ground, but under the cover of a building so as to not be seen by Rainbow Dash. She was smiling at me as I worked, most likely enjoying the view of my muscles or something. I don’t know, whatever it is girls watch guys for when the guys work out.

“Which book did you read that from?” I replied sarcastically.

“Quills and Sofas illustrated.” She replied nonchalantly, inspecting her recently sharpened talons

I paused in deep thought. “Holy hell, there is a female side of you! Buried deep, deep, down inside. But there nonetheless!”

“I will peck you... you know that right?”

“Calm yo’self woman, its not like you bit my tongue or anything before. Especially not during a movie which Shadow stood outside of.” I winked at her and smiled.

Thankfully we arrived at the store before I could dig myself into a deeper hole than I already was in. I dropped the package (carefully, mind you) and made my way inside. I yelled out in an old and official accent. “Is there anyone inside, this fine establishment?”

“Hello, are you here to deliver my specialty Quills?” an old pony popped up behind a counter

“Ya I guess so?”

“Spended! Would you mind bringing it to the back for me? My bones aren't as young as they used to be. It is difficult to bend down that low when you reach my age, hehe.”

“Sure thing, pops.” I replied, heading back outside to pick up the package-that-seemed-to-be-more-then-just-fucking-quills. I carried that sucker on my hind legs, wobbling with every step, around the side of the building. the old stallion was standing with a back door open, motioning for me to enter. brought the package in and set it in the middle of what might have been a small work area.

The instant the package touched the ground a huge explosion of light and what sounded like a large gong went off. Next thing i know light had surrounded me in a form or aroua. I instantly jumped off the ground and shot out the door, my days in Operation Eclipse reminding me not to go near sudden light. I looked behind me to see the pony looking at me weirdly, then shutting the door slowly.

My gaze traveled to the ground I was standing on, where a large circle of light took up as much room as I did. I froze and stared. What the fu- cutting my thoughts off, in the background I heard Azok yell “GRATS!”

“The hell does that mean!?” I shouted back, my voice betraying me.

“Congratulations....god and I thought ponies were slow sometimes.”

“I meant why did you say congrats?” I said as Azok rounded the corner to look at me with the most bored expression I’ve ever seen

“...O shit, I forgot that doesn't normally happen here...Some of the magic must have rubbed off on you...Interesting”

“Just tell me what's going on.” I replied, face taloning.

Azok cleared his throat as if he was preparing for a speech “Congratulations you have just leveled up. By leveling up you grow more powerful and may also earn talent points to put into three separate talent trees. As an example I can go Holy Retribution and Protection.”

“Get to the point.” I said, poking him in the chest with one of my talons

He blew off the poke and spoke, “Badger do stuff, get EXP. EXP levels you up. Leveling up makes loud noise. Loud noise mean Badger stronger. Understand now?” He pushed my talon off himself and looked boredly to me.

“Bitch I’m not dumb. I will cut you up.”

“Good luck your level 1 I’m 85” azok yelled as he transformed “LOL NOOB!” he shouted as he flew off.

“One of these days...” I sighed.

Azok, Vinny and Badger all turn into kids / age reduced by 20 years

“So.. uhh.. Twilight why exactly are we here?”

“Ya I was taking a nap” Vinny complained

“I’m still confused as to why I'm in this story” Badger snarked.

“Well to answer all your.. uhh.. questions I need candidates to test my new spell.”

“Candidates that means we get a choice?” Azok asked hopefully

“Nope!” Twilight's horn flashed and three beams blasted the ‘volunteers’ almost instantly they all began to shrink.

After several minutes and several feet lost Twilight stopped casting her spell “Success!” she squealed.

“What the hwell was that?” Badger chirped “Wait why do I swound wike-” Badger looked down and saw his now diminutive body. He was no more than eight inches tall, and pure white down feathers all along his body. He didn’t even have his scars that he took pride in. “WHAT THE FWUCK!?” He chirped loudly. “TWIWIGHT! WHAT DID YOU DO! WHY AM I HUNGWY FOWR WORMS?!”

“Well the spell said age reduction by 20 years and you three were the only ones old enough to not get blasted into non existence.” She glanced over at Azok who strangely remained almost exactly the same. “Weird that it didn't work on you though”

“Oh it did, I feel like i'm in my mid 80s right now.”


“Ya. I thought I told you that?”

“You mwost certawnwy did NAWT.”

“Calm down little guy now me and you are stuck the same boat” Vinny said from his now slightly smaller body. I’m just glad goblins get big fast or i would be about the size of a baseball.

The door creaked open and in walked Gilda. she was walking backwards, sure to keep her eyes on the sky so Rainbow Dash wouldn't see her. “Yo guys, it’s been thirty minutes, and I heard some high pitch squeaking and-” Her gaze landed on the hippogriff chick and she froze in her tracks. Her jaw dropped like a rock.

“Dwon’t you fwucking sway it-”

“YOU’RE SO CUTE!” She instantly picked him up and hugged him as tight as she could against her body, making him -and, I shit you not- squeak like a dog toy. Eliciting a “Daww” from all present

“I am gwoing to kwill you all.” Badger said, shaking with fury.

“He’s so cute when he gets mad! Almost like a kitten!”

“Hey wook wats dat!” Badger yelled pointing at the other end of the Library “Distwaction!” he shouted as he ran out the door, and tried to take to the air, but his undeveloped wings caused him to faceplant into the ground. “Dawmit”

“Alright Badger, get back in so I can change you all back.. I hope.”

Fifteen minutes later They were back to normal (save for Azok who wanted to stay younger).

“Anyways Twilight I -” Badger was interrupted by a bright circle of light under him, along with some sort of music. And a large banner that read ~~Level 10~~.

“Grats.” Azok said as he slapped Badger on the shoulder. “Only 75 left. Not bad.”

“Soon...” Badger whispered under his breath.

Azok, Vinny and Badger turn into ponies.

“So uhh twilight why exactly are we here?”

“Ya I was taking a nap” Vinny complained

“Wait.. I think we’ve done this before.. OH SHIT, I’M OUT!” Badger exclaimed, flaring his wings open, accidently distracting the others.


Twilight took their momentary lapse in concentration to blast them with yet another spell.

Azok was the first to speak this time “Why just why. How can this help any science or spell casting or anything why would they even make a spell to do this” he sighed as he brought his hoof to his face.

“Twilight... Please, explain to me, in all that you consider holy, why am I a pegasus.” Badger said, facehoofing a little too hard and hitting himself in the eye. “ow.. but I do respect that I look like one of the Solar Guard.

“Uhh hey look what's that?” she shouted while pointing to the other end of the library. “Distraction!” she yelled as she sprinted out of the room leaving three new ponies alone.

“Ehh i've been turned into worse” Vinny said “one time i got turned into a giant zombie thing. Kinda grosses you out.”

“Granted that is gross but we have to find a way out of these bodies first” with that Azok followed Twilight's example and sprinted out. Vinny tried to follow but fell down almost instantly.


Another banner shined above Badger with the usual glow, ~~Level 20~~


“Fuck you.”
Go to lake and BBQ.

“So what is this stuff?” Badger asked.

“Seafood Magnifique.”

“Its good. I like it. ANOTHER!” Badger said, slamming his plate into the ground.

The authors show up.

A bolt of lightning struck the earth and from its crater emerged two of the most powerful beings in the world

The authors... “O god my back I think I landed wrong. Jesus christ that hurts... where the hell am I?”

“Your on my face.” Replied a black pegasus stallion, who knocked the creature off. The pegasus looked around. “Seriously, where are we?”


“The fuck is a recolor?” Solar Eclipse asked, getting up and stretching his legs.

“Uhh who are you?” asked the creature with a red hat on. It couldn’t have been more than a foot or so high, its hat taking up another foot. It seemed to have a hint of mischief on its face.

“Solar Eclipse.. you?”

“The Diabolic Gnome” replied the gnome with a smile as large as his face.




“Sweet my two oc characters.” Gnome said.


“so where are you guys from?” asked the Elf.

“Earth- FUCK!” The pegasus facehoofed

“On a side note I have a theory to test... IT SUDDENLY STARTED TO RAIN CHOCOLATE MILK” seconds later the clouds opened up and milk fell from the sky “Sweet.” The gnome said, a smile spreading on his face again as he admired his handiwork.


Out of nowhere came a whooshing sound, and a loud THUMP! Badger fell to the ground holding his head in pain. On the ground sat a bat-a-rang.

“We should use these powers for god...I mean good.

“Yes.. We. Are. Your. GODS. GIVE US YOUR VIRGINS.” Solar proclaimed, thrusting his left forehoof into the air madly.

Millions of bronies fell from the sky dying on impact, burying Gnome and Solar. Their death was not a glorious one. *

The last words muttered was Solar, hoof in the air, yelling as loud as he could, “I REGRET NOTHING! ALSO BADGER LEVELS UP TWENTY TIMES!”

“Gratz, B” Said Azok.

“Fuck you.” replied Badger, still holding his head.

*Solar does not approve of Bronies being the ones falling from the sky.

*Gnome does. haha

** We were at a compromise, with no other way to end it.

Gary Stu the living hell out of everything.

Azok and Badger were walking down the streets to canterlot, all of the mares stopped what they were doing and looking at them. The mares fainted from the sheer awesome of the two pimps, Who strode with style, bling bling covering every available surface of their body.

Gilda and Lyra waited at the end of the street, waiting for their returning hero’s, after all they slayed over 5000 dragons in two minutes flat. during the battle Badger had leveled up at least another 500 30 levels, and ll of his skill points were in the ‘Sexy and I know it’ branch. Badger walked up to gilda and Said “Hey babeh” and then started making out with her in public, the mares watching all jealous, and wanting a piece of the action.

Vinny popped up from nowhere and made out with Lyra.

Celestia and Luna themselves descended from the heavens and said “Thou, Badger and Azok, have done Equestria a great good in the last three minutes. We owe their our lives.” The end of the sentence was very sultry.

Badger stopped making out with Gilda and high fived Azok. They were in for a good night.

Then out of nowhere a human pops up and takes all the jealous bitches in his arms. His last words as he walked into the sunset with thousands of females? “Gary motherfuckin’ Oak”

~~level 50~~


We get stoned on Poison Joke.

“Dude.... dude... you’re... dude. Seriously, dude. Dude. Dude. You’re.. like a talking bird thing.” Said Azok, as he started to chuckle

Badger held his talon in front of his face. “Dude holy shit I have.. Have.. Dude you're some pale skinned thing.”

“Im freaking out man I cant feel sound anymore.”

“Dude.. dude.. seriously, dude. I used to be able to count to potato.. But then I.. dude.. want to hear a funny joke? Arrow to the knee..” Badger started to laugh uncontrolably

“I think uhhhh i think that uhh we should go get some tacos. Like now.”

“Dude, I had the EXACT same idea. I'll get the stash man, you get the tree’s.”

“Come on fluttershy were getting tacos” Azok whispered as he ripped a tree out of the ground.

“Shit man, we forgot the chicken!” Badger ran over to a orange filly pegasus and picked her up.

“TO WAR.... I mean uhhh taco ya thats..... what were we doing again?” Azok yelled.

“Seriously. Dude. Dude, seriously. DUDE. SERIOUSLY. THERE ARE SPIDERS EVERYWHERE. OH GOD GET THEM OFF. CHICKEN, HELP ME! LURE THEM AWAY!” Badger started to twirl in place, trying to rid himself of invisible spiders

Badger stopped moving instantly. “Azok. I need you. To light me. On fire. I think that is the best way to... to... fuck I forgot what I was going to say. Where are the tacos..... AZOK HOLD STILL THERES SOMTHING ON YOUR FACE. ”

“Is it a beard?”



“Heys guys, do you know where my poison joke stash is? I was saving it and now it’s gone-” Gilda walked into the campsite and stopped instantly.

“Dude. Azok. It’s a talking bird! Holy shit man!

“Maybe its friendly” Azok said as he started to snuggle Gilda’s down feathers.





“Fuck.. Vinny!” Gilda yelled out.

Vinny promptly slammed on the ground in front of a stunned Gilda

~~Level 60~~


“Fuck..ZzZz... you...”

Heat day. Again all get chased except for Azok because he looks like a female .

It was that time of year again. The time of year when all the stallions ran for their lives and hid. Exped for three males, Azok, Vinny and Badger.

“Where is everybody? Ponyville is completely deserted.”

“No idea, but Gilda and Lyra said to wait a couple of weeks or days, I can’t remember.” replied Badger, looking around nervously.

“Anybody else notice that it smells kinda weird” Vinny asked.

“Yeah.” Badger sniffed the air “Oh... Celestia... NO. Run. Run now. Back to the forest!”

“Why?” the group turned around and came face to face with a mass of mares so large it looked like one giant pastel colored splotch.

“That’s why.” Badger replied, taking a couple steps back. Then ran as fast as he could, his wings beating periodically to make him go faster and farther.

Sadly in their panic Azok tripped “RUN!! SAVE YOURSELF!!” the horde of mares ran over Azok, completely ignoring him.

“Vinny! Hop on! HURRY! We need to get out of here!”

Back on the ground Azok lifted his head up... there was nobody around at all save for granny smith running as fast as she could trying to follow the other mares.

“Granny where are you going?”


Azok was bent over a garbage can emptying his stomach for a third time in not so many minutes.

On the other side of Ponyville, badger and Vinny ran screaming away from the multitude of colors that were chasing them. Badger finally took to the air with vinny on his back, and pumped his wings as fast as he could, gaining altitude above the mess of mares.

“Why exactly are we running?” yelled Vinny, his voice trying to fight the wind.

“Remember that smell? That good Vinny, is pheromones. Lots and lots of Pheromones. The mares are in heat, and will do anything for a good fuck.”

“So why are we running sounds like there is no down side to me?”

I can’t get caught. Once a Hippogriff gets laid, it stays with that partner till they die. And some of the mares... you don’t know what they can have. Plus they usually pulverise the males pelvis, three at a time if possible..” Badger shuddered heavily.

“CANNON BALL!!!” all Badger could do was gasp as Vinny jumped off his back into the herd of mares “TELL THEM I DIED HAPPY!!”

Three days later all the mares had come to their senses and Badger and Azok were visiting Vinny in the hospital.

“Doc will he be ok?” Azok asked with worry in his voice.

“He should be fine his pelvis and spine are healing nicely but for some reason we can't get his face to relax he as been smiling like that since we brought him in. But I’m sure its just a muscle spasm. It should be gone in a week or two.”

“Thanks doc.”

Badger and Azok went out into the hallway and started to leave when Badger brought something up “Why didn't you get uhhh what's the word.... Brutally raped?”

“Oh, turns out I look like a girl so they ignored me.”

“Lucky bastard. Rainbow followed me all the way to Canterlot.. Then Luna yelled out and i ran. as fast as I possibly could.” His eyes glazed over. “As fast... as I could..”

“Its ok buddy” the Elf said picking up his friend “Its over now its all over.”

A bright light erupted under Badger’s talons, with a large banner.

~~Level 80~~


“Fuck you.”

“They didn’t.” Replied Azok with a smile.

Azok Teaches at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns

“OK. Welcome to your first day of ‘Combat magic and Magic Defence’ I will be your instructor Azok. Now if you're wondering I’m an Blood Elf. My species is very proficient in the arcane arts along with being resistant to magic and our innate ability to absorb magic.” Azok proudly stood in front of the small class, which included Badger, Gilda, Celestia and Luna.

A light blue unicorn in the back of the room raised her hoof “Uhh, thats incorrect, nothing can absorb magic. Thats goes against the fundamentals .”

“Well aren't you a smarty britches ms...”

“Moon Dancer.”

“Then you can be the first assistant come down here and stand perfectly still.” Moon Dancer reluctantly complied but eventually made her way to the stage.

“Now stand still and try not to pass out.” Azok raised his hand to the pony and a stream of light blue energy began to shoot out of Moon Dancers horn, almost like water from a hose, several seconds passed and the stream stopped “Now levitate that bottle.” Moon Dancer pointed her horn at a nearby bottle and nothing happened except for Moon Dancer falling to the floor exhausted.

“So, normal unicorns -or anything for that matter- cannot absorb magic. But there is actually a very easy way to learn how to do it. Moon Dancer now imagine you are casting a spell but in reverse, it can be any spell just has to be a spell.” Azok charged a bit of magic into his hand and held it near the unicorns horn. Slowly but surely, the golden aura was being dragged away from his palm to her horn.

“Now you can absorb magic from almost any source, but from another living being is the best source. Now onto what I call buffs. I need two volunteers, one being me and the other being a non magical animal. Badger thats you. Come on down.”

“Oh...fffffffff- fudge.” Badger had a hard time controlling his curses around the Pincesses. He slowly made his way to Azok and stood in front of him

“Good now that you're here we can go over 2 types of magical buffs that i am the most well versed in the first being auras. An aura is a spell that has an effective radius of about 40 yards, myself being the center. If I move, the spell moves. Now down to business, the first aura is called Retribution aura. Now Badger will hit me and we will see the spells effect.” A blue hammer appears above the Elves head dissipating shortly after it appeared.

Badgers mood lightened instantly. “Lets do this!” In less then a second he brought his talon back, and forced it into Azok’s face as hard as he could. When his talon made contact a tentacle of bright fluorescent light shot out of Azok and hit badger flinging him back into the far wall. “SON OF A BISCUIT EATER!”

“Retribution aura deals damage to anybody that hits me or my allies within 40 yards. A good offensive spell as well as a defensive spell. Now I need a Unicorn who is good with Fire, Ice, and Nature.” Three unicorns in the front row all stood up and went on stage. “Now I would ask your names, but I honestly don't care, so we will get into the demonstration. Each of you shoot your respective element at me and-” before he even had time to finish a rock a ball of fire and a spear of ice impacted on his chest sending him into the same wall as Badger.

“Perfect” Azok yelled as he peeled himself off the wall “Now lets try it again but with my resistance aura on.” A small cross appeared above his head similar to the hammer from earlier. “Now attack me again.” Three more bolts of fire ice and earth shot at him but unlike the previous time, they only shoved him back a foot when they hit him. “So because of my aura, damage from those three magic types has been severely reduced. There are three more auras: Protection aura, Crusader aura and Concentration aura. Protection aura acts like resistance aura, but works for all damage Crusader aura makes you run faster, and Concentration aura makes spell casting easier.”

“Now onto blessings. A blessing is a spell that when cast on one pony it will also be cast on all allies. There are only two Blessings; the Blessings of Kings and the Blessing of Might. The first spell,” Azok raised his hand and a small crown appeared above every head in the room “Blessing of kings increases all stats. That means that you are stronger, more magical, and ect ect. Blessing of Might,” Azok raised his hand again and a fist appeared above every head “Increases Strength and Magic more so than Kings, but it only does those two, where as kings increases everything slightly.”

“There is one more type of buff but it is class specific, meaning only ponies or people who are the same class as me, Paladin if you're wondering, can use it but since none of you are we won't go into that today.”

“Now any questions?”

Badger raised his fist from the wall slowly.

“Yes, the one in pain you had a question?”

“Thats all great and all, but how come I haven’t-” A large light erupted from the ground below him

~~Level 85~~

“Nevermind.” Badger replied, slowly putting his talon down


“Now that that has been answered anymore questions?”

Twilight Sparkle raised her hoof instantly.

“Do you have more than one question?” Azok asked.

She nodded her head vigorously, hoof still in the air.

“No only one question.” Replied Azok.

“Fine. I was wondering if you have any personal protection spells that only affect you?”

“Yes, I have two in fact. I call them bubbles. Both remove all damage taken for about 12 seconds. Any more questions?”

Badger raised his talon again.

“You already had your question, and it was answered before you even asked.”

“It’s important.”

“Fine. Ask away.”

“I challenge you.. To a fight. On my terms and for the shits and giggles. Do you accept?”

“That question has nothing to do with my lecture so wait till later.”


“Ok any questions that aren't from Twilight and Badger.” A green unicorn with a four leaf clover cutie mark raised his hoof “Yes what is your question.”

“Do you even lift?”

“Thats it you ungrateful idiots.” Azok turned around and punched a hole in the wall before exiting. “And yes I do!” He yelled as he jumped out of the hole.


It was the day of the fight between Badger and Azok. Both competitors were primed and ready for a no hold barred boxing match. They had both been equipped with Top Hats and Monocles. Mustaches was given, courtesy of Twilight Sparkle.

Hello and welcome to the fight today. Folks we have a good match set up so lets get to it. In this corner we have the one man army, the pale beast, and the dude who looks like a lady Aaaaaazzzzooooook. And in this corner we have the mentally unstable, the master chief, The war hero, the one, the only Badget.”


“Whatever. Now go to your corners and when the bell dings come out swingin.”

“C’MON BADGER! I GOT FIFTY BITS ON YOU!” Gilda yelled over the roaring of the crowd.

Not to be outdone, Vinny included his own two cents. “KNOCK ‘IM DEAD BIG GUY!”

Badger stood up on his hooves, his wings out so he could balance himself. He took a couple of practice swings in the air with a huff of each punch.

Ding Ding

Azok and badger charged each other each ready to deliver a vicious right jab. Time slowed down as they got closer and closer, close enough to see the whites of the other’s eyes. Then suddenly they shot their arms forward, hitting the other in the face, knocking them both out instantly.

“Do we get our money back?”

Gilda sat there, staring at the limp bodies of Badger and Azok on the floor, her fifty bits down the drain in less than two seconds.



View Online

“Watch your head,” Azok instructed as he led me into his basement.

[I have some popsicles in my basement!]

I ignored War’s comment as Azok flipped a switch which caused the room to be cascaded in light by candles mounted on the walls.

“Neat trick. So why are we here again?” I asked, poking away at a nearby spiderweb, then turned my attention to the walls. couple of feet or so were weapons that could only be described as ‘epic’. [or b-e-a-utiful]. My beak dropped as I took in the sight. Some were on fire, others had some sort of aura around them.

“Well as you know, I'm an alien from a distant place full of war and strife so par for course I tend to carry enough weapons to make anybody wet themselves. And this place is reasonably peaceful, so I have taken to making this basement my armory. Most of the weapons are on the far wall, take your pick.” Azok said, pointing to a far wall down the corridor.

The wall he motioned too was just a tad bit different. instead of weapons every foot or so, there were hundreds. there was not a single speck of space left uncovered by some form or blade or hammer.

I stared at the strange assortment of weapons, but what had really caught my eye was what looked like an old boot.. “Why is there a boot in your armory?” I asked, pointed to it with my right claw.

“Its a booterang. There are many like it but this one is mine....and no you can't have my booterang, but everything else is up for grabs.”

I looked at each individual weapon, taking into account its strengths and weaknesses. As my gaze traveled over one very wicked weapon and it seemed to radiate strength and death. I stopped. It was a large red blade with a crimson gem pomle.

“Its called Voldrethar Dark Blade of Oblivion, or VDBO for short.” Azok piped up, smiling at the blade then to me.

I gripped the sword from the wall and swung it around. I almost sent back into a flashback back in Operation Eclipse as I expertly under and over cutted. I lost my flashback after adding in a bit of flare at the end. “I shall call it ‘Oblivion’. There are not many like it, and this one is mine.”

Azok went up to the house to grab some supplies as I stated to hack and slash at some dummies. Who would’ve thought that having my own sword -without it being issued to my by the military- would be so fun?

“Hey Azok, where are you? Don't you think we should get going?” I called out as I took a few steps into his house “Dude where are you? Seriously man, this isn’t funny.” As if in response to my question, i heard a large thump on the floor above me, with smaller struggling sounds as well.

I speed my way up sup stairs and took a couple of turns, and then i barged into his room. There he lay, spazzing out on the ground for a moment, then he was still, his eyes closed. If anything he looked dead-.

“magical patch 5.0.0 update magical code rewrite commence.”

Well never mind then, he isn’t dead. Fuck, I wanted all of his weapons. Oh well. He comically stood up and sprinted for the nearest trashcan.

“Oh shit, you alright man?”

“No I feel like I got punched but by a mountain...what happened?”

“No idea. I heard noises from up here and I saw you spazzing on the ground like you were having a case of epilepsy. Then you started to mutter something...”

“What...exactly did I say?”

“Something about a ‘magical patch update, code rewrite commence’....why, is it important?”

NO! I mean, no its not important, let's get going.” Azok left the room in a hurry, leaving a confused me in his wake.

The hell?

Gilda, Third person POV

Gilda and Vinny were making there way to Paradise Estate by orders of the Princess. They were making good time and were already in Dream Valley.

“I think I can see it!” Gilda shouted behind her. When she didn't hear a response she turned her neck around and saw that Vinny was no longer on her back. She quickly stopped flying and looked down to see a small green spec hurtling towards the ground. “Oh shit-”

Vinny had fallen off moments before Paradise Estate came into view. His body was convulsing much like his elf friend’s was doing hundreds of miles away. Gilda sped towards the ground trying to catch Vinny before he hit, but the effort was fruitless. His body hit the ground with a sickening thud. She landed softly next to Vinny and began to try and wake him up.

“Shorty, wake up! C’mon... I don’t want Azok to get pissed.. hell.. c’mon!” She slapped him.

Vinny’s eyes shot open and he started to mutter “magical patch 5.0.0 update magical code rewrite commence.” He then shakily got to his knees before vomiting bile and blood onto the ground in front of him “Fuck,” he groaned “What happened...Did you drop me?”

“No...maybe.... you fell. Not my fault.” She raised her talons defensively in a ‘Watch out, badass over here’ kind of way

“Damnit,” Vinny said before coughing up more blood. “Reach in my bag and hand me the bandages.” several seconds latter Vinny began to wrap his chest with frostweave bandages [1]stopping some of the bleeding “OK, those should hold my insides till I can get Azok to heal me, come on lets just get this job over with.”

Badger, Third person POV

Badger and Azok had been flying for several hours before the city of Manehatten came into view. The sun was just beginning to rise again, filling the night sky with brilliant rays of red and orange, stunning the two flying as they observed its awe-inspiring colors. But most of its glory was lost on the ponies already out and about, already about their daily business The pair landed in the courtyard of the police station and went inside to begin their investigation.

“OK, we need six of the officers who were affected by the Terrorist, two of each species. When we’re done you will leave this room and the next will enter. Understood?” Badger said as he paced in front of a small platoon of his fellow soldiers, and slightly shuddered.

The first pony to step up was an older, gray unicorn stallion.“So,” he said “How does this work?”

“Simple,” Azok replied. “I will ask you one question, then I will just need you to sit still for one minute. Can you do that for me?” The Unicorn nodded his head in response. “Alright, first question, what do you remember from the incident?”


“I will ask you again...What do you remember from the incident?”


“I know you are lying, I have been controlled many times before and your memories aren't altered. What do you remember.” He did not ask a question, but demanded.

“I-I didn't see anything wrong with doing what she said. It’s like I was a colt again being told to do his chores by his parent. I tried to resist, honest!”

“Ok, I believe you now. I just need you to sit still for one minute. I will time it and ....Start.

“Ok I will ask you one question then I will just need you to sit still for one minute, can you do that for me?” The next pony, an earth colored earth pony, nodded his head, and the test began. “What did the Terrorist look like?”

“What?” The pony was utterly confused.

{Shut up.}

“He said, what did she look like” Badger replied.

“Like the most beautiful mare in the world a long flowing golden mane and her beautiful blue eyes. She-”

“That's enough. Thank you, now sit still for one minute...Start” the rest of the ponies all went into the room and all completed the test when Azok was completed he stepped out and motioned for Badger to join him in the room.

“Good news and bad news, the good news is the guards were definitely under a mind control. The bad news is, all of them were except one, the second one I talked to, he was too specific with his answer. Now when we leave the room, you go stand next to the exit and I will try and grab him. If he runs away, he's all yours.”

“So this is where we are supposed to look for what ever it was? How about you take the room with the pool and I will take the one with the creepy gargoyle.” Vinny offered as he jumped off of Gilda’s back and stretched his legs.

Gilda and Vinny split up and started to search their rooms respectively. They searched for hours and found only dust and more dust. After several more hours of searching and more cough-inducing dust, they both returned to the main room.

“So I say we give up. I mean, we have been at this for hours and nothing...are you listening to me?” Vinny asked quizzically.

“Ya ya, just... Vinny wasn't that statue over in that corner?”

“Yeah..” Vinny replied as he pulled his gun out. “It was...Gilda get behind me and when I so go get to the door and get out...GO!”

The Gargoyle shot from the wall, his claws wildly slashing the air in front of it. Before he got halfway across the room two arcane rounds smashed into his chest, sending him flying back into the wall he sprung from. The beast It got up from its pile of rubble and picked the two slugs from its rock skin and dropped them to the floor with a thud. “That wasn't very nice. I was waiting there for a long time,” he said in a low gravelly voice. “Now Wrath will be mad that I messed this up.. I'm usually good at the slow stuff...”

Gilda and Vinny were outside, prepared for anything, when a large oak tree exploded in front of them. “Fucking hell that was close,” Vinny as he pulled out a whistle case. “Yo Gamera, need some help here!” A large lava covered tortoise faded into existence to the left of the hunter, its jaw snapping in anticipation.

The Gargoyle slowly climbed through the hole in the roof and sat down. “Hay green thing, I'm too tired to fight how about we play a game instead. If you win you can kill me, if I win I can kill you, deal?”

“First, tell me what the rules are ya stupid pile of rocks.”

“Fine, and it’s Sloth, not pile of rocks. The game is, we ask each other riddles, the person who can figure out the other’s riddle losses.”

“Fine Sloth we have a deal.”

Gilda brought Vinny over and spoke to him in a very low whisper. “Wouldn’t it be easy if we fight him?”

“Of course, but where is the fun in that?”

“What happens if we lose?” Gilda growled, her eyes slanting threateningly.

“Calm yourself, It’s not like we’re actually gonna let him kill us,” Vinny said with a mischievous smile.

Sloth and Vinny stood ten feet apart, ready for the game to begin. “Ok I will go first. Hmm..... let me think...” Sloth sat down on the grass, eyes closed in concentration. When he heard a pinging noise, he opened his eyes and saw a bayonet stuck through his stone chest and two large barrels right in his face.

“Hey... thats cheating!”

“No its not, you’re just dumb as hell.” Vinny squeezed the trigger on his rifle twice, sending two explosive rounds into Sloth’s face. When the dust settled, all that was left was a stump and some light blue smoke.

“Two-to-zero, ya dumb fuckers.”

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