The One That Never Had a Chance
Rainbow Dash sat on the edge of her bed still in a state between awake and asleep. She groaned and, with some effort, got off the bed and headed into her kitchen.
“Coffee,” she moaned as she rested her head on her counter staring at the coffeemaker. The cool cloud counter top made her drift off until a familiar ding woke her up.
With a noise somewhere between a gurgle and a swear, Rainbow grabbed the pot and poured herself a cup of coffee. She took a sip and the world cleared.
“Oh, that’s good,” Rainbow said as she walked to her table.
“Now, what do I eat?”
A quick glance at her pantry told her that her options were oats or nothing, and while nothing was more appetizing at the moment, she grabbed the box of oats.
She smiled when she saw a fresh jar of honey on her windowsill.
Rainbow shook her head and said with a smile, “Good old Fluttershy. She saved me from a bland breakfast again.”
She poured the honey onto the oats and began to eat. Her eyes glanced at the calendar and noticed the date.
“Oh great, it’s Mother’s Day.” Rainbow looked at her breakfast, her appetite leaving her.
“I guess it’s too much to hope that this year will be different.”
She shrugged and said, “Only one way to find out.”
With that, she finished her breakfast and flew out of her home.
Ponyville always enjoyed pleasant spring weather and today was no different. Rainbow basked in the sun as she soared over the celebrating ponies. She refused to look down. There was someplace she needed to be, somepony she needed to be there for. The outskirts of Ponyville came into sight, and Rainbow changed her course towards the town cemetery.
Rainbow scanned the cemetery even though she knew where to go. It didn’t take long for her to find what she was looking for, and she landed a safe distance away.
Before her stood an old grave. Left blank for a reason, as it stood as a reminder of those lost who never had the chance to live, and sitting in front of it was a pony who Rainbow had known most of her life.
“I thought you’d be here,” Rainbow said as she walked up to Fluttershy.
“H-Hello Rainbow,” Fluttershy said not taking her eyes off of the grave.
Rainbow Dash sat down, “Are you really going to do this again? It’s been ten years.” She turned away with her eyes closed when she saw her friend flinch. “Sorry, that came out wrong.”
“No, it’s alright,” Fluttershy said, “You mean well.” She pawed at the ground and said, “I just need to remember. I owe them that.”
“I told you that I could bug my mom so at least you could know if you had a boy or a girl.”
Fluttershy turned to face Rainbow and managed a smile that was betrayed by her red eyes, “I know, but she’s done so much for me that I don’t want to impose any more.” She lied down and returned her eyes to the grave.
Rainbow joined her and said, “This isn’t healthy. You have enough to deal with, so could you please try and move on?”
“Every day I live as though this foal never existed,” Fluttershy said, “It’s not too much that I spend one day in mourning.”
“Yeah but ten years is long enough, isn’t it,” Rainbow asked with a nervous tone.
Fluttershy shook her head, “It doesn’t matter how long it is, I will keep them close to my heart.”
“Fine,” Rainbow said in defeat, “Have you told Applejack yet?”
“No,” Fluttershy said, “But I will soon. I’ll tell her everything.”
“Everything,” Rainbow asked, “Are you sure?”
Fluttershy nodded and smiled, “Everything. It might be a shock, but I know that she will support me.” Her eyes fell towards the ground and she took on a giddy smile, “I. I love her.”
Rainbow smiled in spite of herself, “That’s awesome. I knew she’d be good for you.” A smirk and raised eyebrow from Fluttershy made her say, “Well, I figured she would be good for you. Hey, it’s close enough, right?”
Fluttershy nodded and said, “Yes it is.”
She turned to Rainbow and asked, “How is your mom?”
Rainbow shrugged, “I guess she’s doing okay. I sent her a card like always.”
“Good, I remember last year when you sent her a box of chocolates,” Fluttershy said between giggles, “They were melted before she could open the box.”
“Okay, so I forgot that the Emergency Room tends to get a little busy.”
“A little busy,” Fluttershy asked with an eyebrow raised, “Rainbow it wouldn’t be called the Emergency Room then.”
Rainbow shook her head, “Nice comeback.” She glanced back to her friend and asked, “Did you send her a card?”
In spite of cringing, Fluttershy responded, “Yes, it’s the least I could do.”
“Why,” Rainbow asked with a huff, “She couldn’t even do the least she could to take care of you.”
“Life was not easy for-”
“No. She does not get off that easy. Yeah, life was tough for you growing up, but that doesn’t give the ponies that are supposed you be your parents the right to ignore you.”
Fluttershy sighed, “Do you think it’s a good thing that my baby didn’t...”
“Stop that. I’m sorry that your foal was lost, but you’re going to be a great mom.”
“Yeah, but my mom-”
“So,” Rainbow asked, “You aren’t your mother. You care about other ponies. Heck, I’ve seen you almost make yourself sick worrying about others.”
Fluttershy nodded, and, with a careful motion, she cleaned part of the old grave.
She sighed and said, “I wonder what they would have been like.”
“You mean your foal?”
Fluttershy nodded.
Rainbow shrugged, “I dunno. I guess they’d probably be nice like you, but I think maybe a little bit more assertive.” Her eyes turned to the sky, and there was nothing more she wanted to do than soar her problems away. She shook her head to clear the traitorous thoughts and said, “Maybe they’d have the same problem flying as you, but I’d be there just like I was there for you.”
She lowered her head, “Except for-”
“Enough of that Dashie,” Fluttershy said as she nuzzled Rainbow’s neck, “It wasn’t your fault. Still, it’s a nice dream, isn’t it? To have a foal to care for and raise. To teach them how to care for others and how everypony could use some kindness.”
Rainbow chuckled, “Well, you have that in spades.” She separated from Fluttershy and said, “Any plans on when you’re telling Applejack?”
Fluttershy nodded and said, “I’ll tell her after you come back from the Wonderbolt tryouts. I don’t want to have everypony sad when you arrive with the good news.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Rainbow looked at the grave and asked, “Have you ever thought what you were going to name them?”
“All the time,” Fluttershy said, “but I can never think of anything that feels right. I guess my baby will stay nameless.” She lowered her head and began to shiver.
Rainbow put a wing around Fluttershy and drew her close for a hug.
Fluttershy cried into Rainbow’s shoulder and held on tight. “I never had a chance to hold them. Not even once,” she cried.
“Okay, Fluttershy,” Rainbow said, “Let it out.” She gently rocked the crying pegasus and whispered, “I’m here Fluttershy. Everything is going to be okay.”
Soon Fluttershy’s crying died down to sniffles and she was able to let go of Rainbow Dash, “Thank you, Rainbow.”
“Don’t mention it,” Rainbow said with a wave of a hoof, “Are you feeling better?”
As much as Fluttershy wanted to nod, she simply shook her head, “I’m not, but that’s alright. I know that I’m not alone.”
Rainbow smiled and said, “Yeah, you have my awesomeness to keep you company.”
“And the rest of our friends,” Fluttershy said.
“Well, yeah,” Rainbow said, “Anyway, I know it doesn’t mean much, but Happy Mother’s Day, Fluttershy.”
Fluttershy leaned into Rainbow’s shoulder, “Thank you.”
Rainbow scanned the road leading into Ponyville and smiled at the sight of a familiar orange and purple filly riding into town. She put a leg around Fluttershy and smiled at the thought of what being “Auntie” Rainbow would’ve been like.
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I like this story.
=
4368657
Thank you very much.
4368730
to you as well kind sir.
And a hearty
TROLLESTIA is on the roll.
My word, PatRoison put out a story
Made my damn day.
Awwww, too many feels!
Good to see you're back though!
4371209
What an odd comment. Have a mustache of randomness.
th06.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2013/025/6/7/moustache_pinkie_pie_by_silentmatten-d5qfrai.png
4371652 Glad to be of service.
4373230 Nothing like some feels for Mama's Day.
And It's good to be back.
media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/45/3f/62/453f629151c568b8b88b663d817c2bcb.jpg
Www, why? It filled my heart with a little bit of grief when I realized what happend. Poor Fluttershy didn't even get to name her own kid (s). Great job by the way, a short sad good story 5/5!
4412389 Thank you very much. It was sad to write that she never had the chance to name or even hold her baby. I think she'd be an awesome mom.
A long time ago on deviantart,
! First of all, your new addition to your story is heartbreaking. Fluttershy's ordeals in your have brought me to tears and this new tragedy near left sobbing with no hyperbole, then again Mother's day is sad day for me in general. Fluttershy's strength really shines when she says. "Every day Live as if this foal never existed." All of her tragedies and pain she has kept secret and lived with shows just how amazingly strong her character is. Though she is not alone, with Rainbow at her side, its good to see that Flutters has an inner strength that makes me admire her. I also feel that she needs a day to mourn not only out of respect to the foal but for her to be real with the world. That she needs to cry on a someone's shoulder and let out all the grief and pain. Its a very human moment for two colorful ponies.
Overall yet another success and a proud return of the King of Pony fanfiction. Once again I can say that eagerly await your next story or chapter. I will see you my friend in Brighter Days!
PATROISON,,,
wrote some amazing fanfictions, but that was many moons ago. Now he has returned and has written a Prequel/kindahappensatpointearlyinthestoryoneshot for one his best series AppleShy. But will his return to the world of Horse Fiction be a triumphant return...or Star Wars Ep 1: Phantom Pony...
ITS AMAZING!!!:ICONSOMADTHEREISNOFLUTTERHAPPYPLZPLZ: When you return you return with an emotional bang. First lets get the basics out of the way. Great pacing, spot on characterizations and not single spelling error to be seen. Structurally you have created a very solid oneshot that can be read alone or as part of the Appleshy series.
Where you shine most is in your characters and it is especially apparent since this story stars Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, whom you are the best at writing both in character and adding amazing amount of depth to.
Let start with the Dashing Rainbow. Throughout your stories, most evident in Appleshy, you have characterized Rainbow as Fluttershy's knight in awesome armor, a most loyal and passionate defender even at her own expense. That is made clear in Rainbow not only know where Fluttershy would usually be on Mother's day but also in her feeling the need to be there with her when it is obvious she doesn't want either of them to dwell on the past. Also shown with how angry Rainbow got when Fluttershy mentioned her mother, having read your Appleshy series I can't help but sympathize with Dash. She also want Fluttershy to live life without having to look back on this painful past, possibly a way of her trying to forget about her, unintentional, participation. That one line where Dash say. "Except for-" speaks volumes how this tradition brings back Dash's guilt and eats at her. It shows Dash has many layers but will default to being the who she is, loyal and an awesome friend.
Now on to the Pink Maned star of the show, Fluttershy
The dialogue between these two flows perfectly. They feel and sound like conversations really close friends would have and how they would comfort each other in a moment of extreme emotional distress.
In terms of how this contributes to the Appleshy series as a whole it definitely feels like a worthy addition but strong enough to warrant One-shot status as it could be read without knowing the full the story. Reading the series and then this fic just adds to the power of certain words and as I highlighted. As for how the revelations her will effect the series now, I can't say. Remembering my last read of it I can't recall any moment that would have changed because of this revelation but knowing you Pat, you've got more that few tricks up your sleeves.
4448199 Well, it's fine time I answered you awesome as usual post.
I haven't responded out of being a jerk, but rather I just liked reading the comment, which I do at least once a day.
Thank you. Seriously, thank you for your comment. It means a great deal to me that you not only take the time to read my story, of which I am grateful to all who take the time, but I'm grateful that you take the time to wrong such a long and comprehensive comment.
Let's jump into, shall we?
That was something I really wanted to get right. Appleshy is a pretty long series, and I didn't want the readers to feel that reading it was mandatory. I wanted them to know that it was a small part of a larger story but that there was enough here that they wouldn't feel lost. That was the reason I didn't go into detail about how Fluttershy became pregnant, though hinted at, and only mentioned her relationship with Applejack.
Though that last part was really more for frame of reference for when this story takes place. It takes place before Pinkie's Private Party and before Him Part 1.
I have to admit, even though Rainbow Dash doesn't clear my top five favorites, I love her relationship with Fluttershy. The two complement each other very well, and their history means that there is much that doesn't need to be said.
For example, Rarity and Fluttershy my be best friends, but Rarity would still need to ask if there was something bothering Fluttershy.
Rainbow would already know when something was troubling her. I find their relationship to be so close that they're not even best friends. Not even, as Pinkie might put it, bestest of best friends. They're so close that it could appear that they are romantically involved, or that they are family.
I remember reading a comment a while ago in a FlutterDash story that said, "Everyone knows that Fluttershy and Rainbow are a couple. Everyone that is except for Fluttershy and Rainbow."
I noticed that Rainbow really wants to be the hero, but with Fluttershy it's a bit different.
She wants to protect her, but, more than that, she wants to her happy. Way back in Surprise Party once of my favorite lines was when Rainbow tells Applejack, I don't like to admit it and you better keep it to yourself, but I can't stand to see her sad.
Fluttershy's happiness it very important to Rainbow, though she might see it as the only way she could ever be free of guilt over the past.
To Rainbow, the past is the past. There is no point in dwelling on it, and she's brash enough to be almost hurtful in her bluntness. Still, with Fluttershy she exercises some restraint. She slips and feels guilty, but Fluttershy, who knows Rainbow as well as Rainbow knows herself, understands that her intentions are good. Rainbow is not only a good friend, but she is the best friend that Fluttershy could have by her side.
Her guilt over the past is a big part of her overall arc in the series, and it will be a big moment should she be able to finally do the impossible and forgive herself.
There is a strength to Fluttershy that often overshadowed by her shy and timid nature. She is essentially alone in the outskirts of Ponyville. She may have her animal friends, but they aren't ponies. She bears her burdens alone. Not out of pride or fear, but rather a genuine need to not burden anyone. She does not want anyone to feel as though they need to help her. She understands her weaknesses and accepts who she is, but she would rather have her friends live their lives how they choose and be happy. To her that is enough.
In a way, it's a good thing that her friends don't share her feelings and involve her as much as they can.
I'm glad I was able to pull that off. There were a few moments where I thought that I could have added more, but ultimately felt that it was just enough. As long as the two have known each other, there are things that don't need to be said.
Thanks for the vote of confidence. As far as changes in previous chapters, it'll be limited to Fluttershy admitting what happened to her in front of her friends. Changed from six years prior to ten, and a scene where Dexter is going over her attack. That's it. Merely dialogue changes. The only one who knows is Rainbow and she would rather forget the whole thing and help Fluttershy move on.
In future chapters, without giving away any plans, this will play rather large part in her trial.
Once again, for the umpteenth time, thank you for your awesome comment. It's a reminder that I can share a story with others and share it well.
I hope to see you again really soon, and certainly no year and a half "soon" either.
Stay awesome, as usual.
Hello, I am finally here to read your story!
Let's begin!
Proper punctuation would be:
This feels a little choppy,
It would flow more smoothly as one sentence.
You can leave out the part about the date. When she says, "great it's mother's day," we know that she saw the date.
I'm not big on how you spaced this out, it's almost like she's talking to someone else. A few slight changes could make it better.
This sentence should be its own paragraph,
This one sentence is describing the weather, quite nicely I might add, but the rest of the paragraph describes Rainbow's thoughts and feelings. That's a subject change, so you need a new paragraph.
It looks like you meant to put a period here,
This confuses a lot of people,
You lie down, but the past tense is lay. You lay a book down, but the past tense is laid. What you have should be "She lay down." Lied is only used when you lie to someone in past tense.
Try avoid using said so often, it's not a very descriptive word.
Here, said is unnecessary, just say,
The action tells the reader who is speaking.
This should end in a period.
Here's something else that confuses a lot of people:
The dialogue here can end with a question mark, and still not end the sentence.
Here is an example sentence:
The question mark would take the place of the comma, and better describe the tone of her voice. This is perfectly acceptable punctuation.
You're going to want to watch for this,
The last line is okay, but the word are should be lower cased. The top two lines need periods before the second set of dialogue.
This should be: "I-I love her" or maybe "I...I love her. But the word I on its own is not a complete sentence.
This sentence is a little unclear,
I'm not sure what to make of it. Maybe a simple re-wording could clear it up? It may just be because I haven't read anything else you've written.
I noticed a lot of other errors in punctuation with dialogue, but I'm not going to point them all out. Just keep in mind what I told you and you'll find them all.
It was a really cute little story, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. As you know from reading my story, I love the relationship between these two, and it seems that we are both on the same page when writing about it. Maybe sometime in the future I'll read your other stuff, but for now, I got some writing to do!!
Farewell, friend!