• Member Since 9th Apr, 2014
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

thirdgod


E

Luna once again feeling underrepresented for all of her hard work goes to take another walk in the gardens when she suddenly hears a deep laughing voice above her looking up she sees a strange person looking down at her with a wide grin and ask her a startling question.

"Would you like to dance Lulu?"

this is a one shot I just came up with, Luna will be speaking normally only for the reason trying to type old English is a pain I going to have to deal with that in my other story so i wont do it here, and also the characters are human. And also the cover art is from Google but when i went to get the picture it said it was from deviant art so if the artist who did this sees this I'll tack it down if you want me to

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 11 )

i love the concept but the mixed up tenses and at times poor word choices made this tedious to read. there were also some spelling and grammar errors but they were less intrusive.

This, but I downvote a lot more and have no interest in the fic: 4308361

EDIT: Also, holy fuck that cover image.

....................../´¯/) FUCK YOU !!!!!
....................,/¯../
.................../..../
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........''...\.......... _.·´
............\..............(
..............\.............\...

4308540 can i ask what for

4308545 To try and "bait" you into the comments section so you could address the concerns of the other readers.

I'm helpful like that.

4308558 Okay thanks and for the other comments from people I'm sorry if you don,t like it because of the grammar I don't have and editor or proofreader so I'm doing the best on my own this and my other story is being used to improve on my writing skills which are absolutely crap also this was written in like a half hour so it wasn'tgoing to be gold

4308587 I'd recommend hitting up one of the several editing/reviewing groups on this site. They can be really helpful, and you'll learn a lot from them.

Login or register to comment