CarbonBandit
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Damn his life sucked
I am liking this so far though could you make the diffrence between thought and speech more obvious. If its not too much trouble
4267905 thank you. I'm thinking about putting the thoughts in italics. Hopefully that will help clear things up.
You're going to have to edit this, you switch from 3rd person view to first person mid chapter and you switched from present tense to past tense. You're going to want to stick to only one. Other than that, not bad so far.
4268305 I noticed that, after I Finish writing chapter 3 I will go and revise chapter one. Thank you for the feedback.
Don't you just love it when the first line in a story is "Hey! Wake up, faggot!"
4268226 That seems to be the common fix or writing the thoughts in a diffrent color but i dont recomend that it's more time consuming.
Use slightly darker colors for the ponies dialouge.
Always use a color that is slightly darker than what you think is necessary.
4268708 thank you. This is my first fanfic. All of these tips are helpful
4268226 Good plan. Italics could also be used for sarcastic emphasis though. You may want to map out all these things before continuing.
TOGA TOGA TOGA TOGA TOGA
TOGA PARTY IN EQUESTRIA YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHh
"I'm psychic." I died laughing at that! You got me really hyped for the next chapter. Keep up the great work!
when will the sexing BEGIN!
In time my child. . . In time. Your patience shall be rewarded. When Andy's done RD's face will be permanently stuck like
MOAR!?!
plz :c
That was so great! It was really dramatic, and at the same time suspenseful! I really hope you keep this up! Also I forgot in the last comment, that I am from Michigan!! I'm glad to know Andy is from the same state as me!
4280403 I'm glad to hear that all of you are enjoying my story. I guess Andy is sort of loosely based on me. (mostly aesthetically) But I'm from Freeland Michigan, so I thought I'd give it a little shoutout. I'm going to keep this story up for as long as I can, I'm currently brainstorming for my next chapter.
Ok not to be rude but Andy in this story is a little too... perfect, he has somebody in an extreme lust for him, he perfectly guessed every question in the last chapter, he's attractive, and saying "oh but he got shit on in his old life" yeah but he can't go from zero to hero so fast like that. Idk it's just my thoughts, but I think he's a little too much of a jack of all trades atm.
4281174 I couldn't agree more. Let's just say that something is about to happen that'l teach Andy that not everything is sunshine and rainbows in Equestira. This is just the beginning.
Dem Feels are killin
I feel like Dust when he couldn't save that Mudpot guy.
Wow, thanks for the feels, fucker. No but seriously I'm loving this story so far, great job.
4280415 ok thanks. Yeah because I thought this story was gonna be a perfect human is perfect and fixes imperfect world. So I'm looking forward to more of this story. But also wouldn't he know Equestria isn't perfect? He watched the show and while they say it's peaceful really theirs discord and chrysalis.
i wonder if he can have a chance to change it...
4284252 right. But aren't those villains kind of childish. I mean, chocolate rain? Not really a punishment. There are much more dangerous beings that the cameras don't show you,
4285158 Well of course, they have to keep the surface childish for a CHILD'S show. But what about Chryssalys? She had Celestia in that cacoon thing, what if the mane 6 never came through? Was she gonna have Celestia just sitting there? No. She's gonna A. Use her as a slave or B. kill her. And neither of those are very childish. And Discord. Yes, chocolate rain is childish, yes slippery roads are childish. But look deeper. He split the mane 6 up so they weren't freinds. So they were alone. And do you know other times people are forced to be alone? The worst people in prison, murderers and rapists and others. They don't let them socialize because that's humans do to stay sane. So they punish them by forcing them to be lonely. And even you said in your story, Andy didn't (try to) kill himself because he was hurt, not because he was almost mortally injured, but because he was alone.
Enjoying this so far. Will track.
WARNING! This comment will contain spoilers. Do NOT read this unless you have read chapter 6!!
(I had to delete my post, because I forgot to mention that. For some reason, every time I click edit, it crashes my page. So I deleted it, and pasted it back here.)
Ooh, them feels. Actually cried a little after reading Sweetie's death. I had discovered a new love (not IN love, but she was one of my favorite characters) which impacted my crying imensely. After each chapter, I am getting more and more impressed with you. I am looking forward to reading some of your other stories! Other than that, there was a few grammar and spelling mistakes here and there. But still great for being your first story! Also, I have a suggestion. Maybe Rarity thinks her sister's death is all Andy's fault. Hatred grows inside of her, and Andy needs to find some way to get her to like him again. Just a thought! Thanks for continuing this awesome story!
You know, I tried to go into this with some suspension of disbelief. 'Maybe this story is a diamond in the rough.' Im disappointed to say I was wrong. This story is just doing so many things wrong i actual feel sad. Lets list them.
Angsty teenager? - check
Constantly bullied?- check
Parents are dead?- nope, at least you avoided that one
Parents are abusive?- i'd say so, if mum doesnt care he son didn't come home one night because of a brutal basing id say this qualifiers
secretly a brony?- this one has to be the most painful. Check
Is really skinny?-check.
Gets to equestria through suicide?- you betcha
At least he doesn't secretly practice kung-fu or listen to LEL SUPA EPICZ DUBSTEPZ
When s the next chapter coming out?
Nooooo!!!! Sweetie bell must live! U better make this a bad nightmare
Sorry bud no sad feels
. i only feel sick 
Hope for more happy stuff
Its sad that this story is dead. Will he get laid. Will he forgive himself for the loss of sweetie bell. Or will this end here and now with no update for 30 weeks rest in piece story.
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[Linkin Park background music intensifies]