I've read over a bit of this, and realized that it's bad, it's ok but I'm gonna move onto other works that use what I've learned since I began this work.
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It's not like unusual travellers have never passed through Ponyville, Diamond Dogs, Griffon, and even Princesses are not unusual sights. Usually there is some trouble, and the resident Princess and her friends muddle through and manage to make new friends.
So while it's not strange to see a new mare passing through town, when she manages to avoid a Pinkie party the Cutie Mark Crusaders decide to figure her out.
But will their curiosity cause trouble when it reminds somepony of memory's best left forgotten?
First story on Fimfiction, I know it's not perfect and would like advice if anyone can give it.
Changed name from Broken Hearts and Hidden Secrets, because the name doesn't work anymore.
This is an intriguing story that really draws the reader in. I'm impressed by how you've made Serene Valley a semi-sympathetic figure despite all the terrible things she does.
The paragraph structure is a little rough, and there are a few spelling errors here and there, but overall I like the direction you're going in. Keep it up!
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I'm glad that it's drawn you in, I have tried really hard to make Serene decent, I'm gonna be flushing out a few more characters in the next few chapters now I've established her. Gaeth especially is a delight to write. I'm probably most worried about my presentation of the mane 6, I just don't think I've captured them well enough.
I did suspect my paragraphs were bad
, I'm going to try to get some proofreaders to come through, hopefully clean it right up
Grammar is Magic after all.
replace the L with an R