• Published 20th Mar 2014
  • 617 Views, 19 Comments

The Bottom Shelf - JakeAndDollars

Just a place to display our little odds and ends, anything that never really went anywhere but might be worth a laugh.

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How Did Discord Find That Button Anyway?

How Did Discord Find That Button Anyway?

Today’s episode performed by. Celestia, Luna, Discord, Twilight, Pinkie, Chrysalis, Rarity, Fluttershy, Spike, and some other brat.

Rated 'funny' by the janitor because the critic was stuck in traffic. Thanks Scruffy!

/ / / / / / / / / / / /

“But, Celly,” Discord whined from his position on the floor, clutching at one of Princess Celestia's hooves. His shimmering eyes pleading up at her in a manner most pathetic for an immortal being.

Celestia sighed deeply as she raised a gold covered hoof to her throbbing temple. “Discord,” she said as calmly as was possible when dealing with the exuberant creature. “I cannot, in good conscience, allow the transformation of all the roads in Canterlot into giant slip 'n slides.”

“Even if it was for only…?”

“Even if it was only for one day, yes,” she said smiling down on him as he melted into a puddle, arms still grasping her leg. “Isn't there anything that you can think of to have fun without causing some world changing event for all of my little ponies?”

The Chimera stuck his lion thumb in his mouth and blew himself up like a balloon until he was back to normal again. “Well, I already played hide and seek with myself. Still not sure where I went. Now I'm just waiting to see how long it takes for Luna to realize I put hair dye in her shampoo bottle again.”

“Discord!!!” Echoed the patented royal voice from some distant part of the castle. Discord's face grew a smile so big the artist had to sharpen his pencil just to finish the sketch for the trial that was held a week later.

Celestia sighed once again, in relief this time, as the perplexing, perturbing, protagonist propelled himself perpendicularly parallel to the polished planed stonework of the floor, and passed harmlessly through a wall. “That was close, for a moment there, I thought perhaps something unfortunate was upon us all,” she said with a mischievous grin.

“You’re telling me!” Discord said as he lifted the face guard of a nearby suit of armor and poked his face out to look around. “For a moment there I thought for sure the jig was up,” he said pulling off the helmet and stepping down off the pedestal he was upon.

The Alicorn found herself wondering how she had missed the Draconequus-shaped set of armor. It seemed rather obvious in hind sight. “I would not go celebrating just yet, Discord,” Celestia smirked as she turned to watch a pair of doors burst open, revealing a steaming mad, bright pink, Luna. “You still have ‘that’ to deal with.”

“THOU WRETCHED ABOMINATION!!!” The seething lunar princess screamed loud enough to shudder the walls around them. “WE SHALL DESTROY THEE!!!” She bolted for the chaos spirit as he struggled to remove the last boot from his hoof before taking off down the hallway at blinding speed, laughing all the way.

/ / / / / / / / / / / /

One hilariously un-written run through the castle later.

“And that is why you never sword fight with a freshly caught sword fish,” Discord said closing the photo album and blinking it away while picking up his tongs to turn the veggie dogs on the grill. “Turns out those buggers can fly, even in December,” he said shaking his head with a shudder.

“What!?” Screamed a certain pink party pony from over by another grill. “That’s crazy! Every pony here knows fish can’t fly in December! Gas gets too expensive so they take the train like the rest of us,” she said flipping a cupcake with her spatula, the treat somehow making a meat-like sizzle.

“Um… I don’t mean to interrupt, Discord,” Twilight said as she wheeled up in her wheelchair. “But what did any of that have to do with explaining where you got that horrible Easy Button?” The mare asked with a flinch at the very name, an act that several others shared in kind.

“For once I am inclined to agree with Miss Sparkle,” Chrysalis mused as she set her lemonade down to accept another hot dog from Discord. “You did very little by way of explaining, and I must say my curiosity is piqued.”

“And don’t leave out any of the details Q, or Discord, or whatever name you’re going by around here,” Picard said from his seat, smiling politely as he accepted another well done cupcake from Pinkie Pie.

Discord pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “What more is there to tell that hasn't been told already?” He said looking around at his guests seated about the campsite. “Everything noteworthy was in my part of the story that is of course, if you haven’t read my part of the story,” Discords face soured as he met their faces.

“It’s nothing personal Q,” Riker said as he helped himself to another dog. “We just don’t read much fanfiction,”

A stuttering teenage male voice that grated the ears just to hear spoke up from somewhere in the back next to Fluttershy. “I…Do, sometimes,”

“Shut up Wesley,” Dead panned everyone present who was in on the joke, even Spike who was too young to even really know what Star Trek was. Fluttershy and Diamond Tiara scooted further away from the undesirable in their midst.

“Ouch,” said a bemused newt from his seat on a lawn chair next to the ice buckets full of drinks. He took another sip of his cherry lemon-lime coconut pineapple smoothie.

“Tillook! Get lost, you aren't even supposed to be in any of these things,” Discord growled as he dumped a fresh batch of wieners on the grill. “What gives? Get back to the action story where you belong ya little punk. Story and wall jumping are Pinkie's job.”

“Aww come on Discord old buddy old chum. I just wanna hear how you found that wonderful little mischief maker, like everyone else. Even that dimwit Riker is curious,” the Newt said with a little wave. William immediately began taking more happy pills at the thought of another Q-like being entering his life.

Having finally had enough, Discord sighed aloud and began to speak, only to instantly get interrupted. “Good heavens these are amazing!” Picard praised Pinkie as he finished off his fifth cupcake and reached for another. “May I ask what you put in them to make them so, fantastic?”

Pinkie Pie grew a most innocent look on her face as her eyes darted around at her friends before replying in a shaky voice. “Oh, you know. A little of this, and a dash of that,” she said before finishing with a sqwee smile.

“Sorry I’m late every pony!” Rarity called as she trotted into the campsite, leaves and twigs sticking out of her mane and tail. “I would have been here hours ago, Rainbow Dash offered to fly me but I couldn’t find her anywhere this morning so I had to walk. Have any of you seen her today?”

Author's Note:

Well here it is, a little collection of odds and ends that just needed a good home. Now don't be mad that you only get the one for now, more will come soon enough. -Dollars

This was a fun one, I look forward to the rest.

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