• Published 20th Mar 2014
  • 623 Views, 19 Comments

The Bottom Shelf - JakeAndDollars

Just a place to display our little odds and ends, anything that never really went anywhere but might be worth a laugh.

  • ...

Yet Another Good Morning Equestria

Yet Another Good Morning Equestria

“Okay every pony take your places, we go live in thirty seconds!” Called the stage coordinator as he stomped a hoof for emphasis, glancing at a notepad to confirm final positions for his lighting crew.

“Thirty seconds!?” Morning Gossip shrieked from off to the side, her hair and makeup assistant still hurrying to make a few final adjustments. “Oh, goodness I couldn’t possibly!”

“Tough! And it’s more like fifteen seconds!” The coordinator shouted back as he turned to double check his cameras. “For flank sakes, Lens Cap, get the lens cap!!”

“Sorry sir!” Lens Cap replied with a panicked yelp as he flailed forward out of his chair, reaching for the front of his news camera, a nearly completed Sudoku puzzle falling from his lap.

“Good morning all, so sorry I’m late!” Instant Report called over the commotion as he rushed into the room, nearly tripping over Lens Cap as the younger pony bent down to retrieve his magazine with the puzzle in it. The poor intern hurrying along behind him carrying half a dozen cups from Starbuckers proved to be considerably less fortunate.

“Instant!!” Shouted the coordinator, ignoring the startled cries and the steaming hot coffee that had just doused the side of his face, “Do you have any idea what time it is!? Why do you even bother to show up at all!?”

“Because we have a show to do, chief, and you lot would be hopelessly lost without me.” Instant replied cheerfully, silently thanking his now soggy intern as she handed him the emergency backup cup of coffee and his copy of the day’s stories.

“Five seconds!!” Shouted somebody from over by the switchboards.

Morning Gossip hurled herself across the room, crashing into her seat in a flurry of feathers and scattering papers.

Lens Cap reached up and wiped a splotch of coffee from his camera lens.

Another pony kicked the side of the old teleprompter and it flickered to life.

The coordinator, having at last noticed his fresh burns, finished screaming into his hat…




“Good morning Equestria!” Instant Report called charismatically at the camera, his mask of professionalism doing a valiant job of hiding his cheeky grin as he watched Morning attempting to be discreet about restacking her papers in a semblance of order. He loved watching her; loved it even more when it looked like he was the one with their act together.

“Welcome back to yet another morning news segment, where you’ll be brought up to date with all the latest and most pressing news of your day!” Instant continued cheerfully, stretching his words out just a tad to buy his wife some time. Not that she really needed it. “With your hosts, Instant Report.”

“And Morning Gossip,” Morning finished the intro, flashing Instant a grateful smile before pulling up the first of her papers.

Instant cleared his throat, glancing at his own paper before returning his gaze to the camera, staring it down with a serious expression. “Our first story this morning comes to us all the way from the Sea Pony Kingdom, seems as though all Equestria has been invited by the princess there for a concert. According to her, the performers are a pair of-“ he squinted at the paper- “Up and coming clams…”

He shrugged and continued. “Their heart moving performance should prove once and for all just how much something small can create…”

“Very heartwarming Instant, thank you. Although I’m not sure that merited the top spot on our line up today…” Morning muttered flatly.

“You don’t like it? Blame our sponsors, I just read what they print.”

Giving her husband a narrow glance Morning cleared her throat. “Yes well, quite, our next story comes straight from the desk of homeland security who have just announced that the rash of unexplained disappearances from nearly five years ago may not have been solved after all. Over the past month there have been six confirmed reports of missing ponies, all originating from in or around the small frontier town of Appaloosa. As yet law enforcement has not released any information involving suspects or for that matter, leads of any kind.”

“Frightening, Morning, thank you. Well it seems the little town of Appaloosa just keeps getting kicked while they are down lately as we have two reports involving the seemingly luckless town today. The second, being a follow up regarding the six point eight earthquake the township suffered a little over two months ago. The ground seems to have had enough of the poor ponies there as a few minor aftershocks have shaken residents' nerves, and occasional tremors continue to hamper efforts to repair the town…”

Morning sighed as she prepared to deliver the last item. “I don’t understand why ponies keep moving there. Well, on a lighter note our final piece for the morning comes in all the way from the office for the Princesses’ personal assistant. Seems as though our beloved rulers are going to be taking an extended vacation, and are looking for a few brave souls to look after a few things of theirs. The items on this list include a rather mischievous phoenix, a freeloading nephew, and a slightly senile wizard from the distant past. Oh, and they also need somepony to walk Discord…”

“The stunned silence is very encouraging, I’m sure they will have no problems whatsoever finding willing volunteers and, oh.” Instant Report trailed off for a moment as he reread the last bit of his transcript. “Apparently, compliance by the public is mandatory, and there will be a random drawing at the end of the week to see which pony gets what…”

“Oh dear.” Morning grumbled out with a sigh, her shoulders slumping. “Well, good luck everypony else, and try to have a lovely day out there!”

“Yes indeed and thank you all for sharing your morning with us, I’ve been your host, Instant Report!”

“And Morning Gossip, see you at noon for the midday nicker report!”

“All right everypony, that’s a wrap!”

“Ahh, another perfectly executed broadcast.”

“We were broadcasting? I thought that was just the test run…”

“Was camera one supposed to be rolling…?”

“This isn’t hazelnut coffee, bleh, it’s just lousy filbert!”

“Sir, the network chairman is on the line, wants to know what the buck is going on in here…”

“Hah! Take that, you stupid swordfish pattern, I win again!”

“How is this my life…”


Author's Note:

Not really sure where I had originally intended for this to go, but it defiantly got somewhere in the end. Sorry for the general lack of updates lately, things have been a bit, odd, for me lately…

I'm not even going to pretend to know what's going on with the swordfish pattern.

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