• Published 20th Mar 2014
  • 623 Views, 19 Comments

The Bottom Shelf - JakeAndDollars



Just a place to display our little odds and ends, anything that never really went anywhere but might be worth a laugh.

  • ...
0
 19
 623

Poker Night

Poker Night

Today’s episode performed by. Discord, Sombra, Trixie, Ahuizotl, Gilda, Flim, Flam, Angel and Chrysalis.

Rated ‘meh’ by Tory from accounting because the critic called in sick, again.


“And so I said, wrecked 'im? Darn near killed 'im!” Gilda yelled slamming her fist down on the table as the rest of the group burst into uncontrolled cliché villainous laughter. The griffin smirking at a job well done couldn’t help but chuckle a bit at the sight before her.

“No…No, please no more!” Ahuizotl begged between gasps from where he lay on the floor twitching uncontrollably, his tail hand slapping his face.

“The nearly ready to pass out Trixie agrees with the unwashed one, who still shows up uninvited,” Trixie said still biting back her giggles of spiteful mirth. “Trixie needs time to regain Trixies’ breath, lest she die and never go through with her new plan to destroy Twilight Snarkle.”

Discord blew a bubblegum bubble out his nose from where he hung above the table by a chandelier, still shaking with laughter. “Now don’t go getting ahead of yourself dearie, the writers back at headquarters will never allow you to actually succeed,” he said biting the end off a pixie stick and snorting the contents in one go. “Oh yeah, that’s the stuff.”

“Well that was disgusting,” Chrysalis muttered as she continued staring at a Cosmopolitan magazine, the white Alicorn on the cover holding a rather seductive pose with a banana in her mouth.

“It’s not my fault!” Discord growled from where he hung. “This writer doesn’t seem to have even the slightest idea where he’s going with this,” he said pulling a script from out of thin air. “The douche has me doing some kind of parody on a drug addict, I think. Not sure actually, now I’m supposed to ask why we’re all here and if anyone has change I can borrow.”

“Crystals!”

“Why am I the one never invited when this guy gets engraved invitations!?” Ahuizotl griped as he pointed a tail finger at the cloud as it scooped up some dip with a chip. “Seriously! The guy double dips!”

“And double parks!” Trixie added, again with generous amounts of spite. “Trixie had to circle the block three times to find a parking spot for Trixies’ wagon.”

“Crystals!”

“Oh can it smoky! No one cares if your other chariot was blown up by demons from dimension seventeen,” Gilda growled as she readied the deck of playing cards, shuffling them in a poor rendition of someone who knew what they were doing.

Ahuizotl looked around as if only just realizing something for the first time. “Is someone missing? I thought Flim and Flam usually showed up to these things.”

“Crystals!”

“Trixie agrees with the lesser unicorn. Trixie says ‘whatever’”

Chrysalis looked over at a wall clock that was leaning against the wall because they were all too lazy to hang it up properly. “For goodness sake Discord just say your stupid line already. Otherwise the plot will never move along, and I’m already late for my next appointment.”

With a huff Discord flipped the pages of his script, or would have if there had been more than one. With a scoff he cleared his throat. “Gee, I wonder why we are all here tonight?” He said in as monotone a voice as physically possible.

As if on cue the door burst open with a sudden bang and a rush of frigid air, revealing the final member of the group. A creature so frightening that most who looked upon it were driven mad by the mere sight. A being of such wrath it made gods tremble. A power of such evil intent the devil himself shuddered. The room fell deftly silent as the undisputed master among them hopped into the room, pausing before the table at which they all sat, nose twitching rapidly as he took in the sweet scent of their fear. He had arrived. With a deft tug of his dealers cap, Angel took his place at the head of the round table, a devilish smirk on his little bunny face.

Silence.



“Crystals!”

“Do any of you lot know how to play poker?” Gilda muttered staring at the cards in her talons with a sudden look of realization.


Silence…



“Crystals!!!!”

Author's Note:

Fucking crystals... My sides... Dollars knows how to write Sombra!
-Jake

Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!