• Published 20th Mar 2014
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The Bottom Shelf - JakeAndDollars

Just a place to display our little odds and ends, anything that never really went anywhere but might be worth a laugh.

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The Cutting Room Floor, Outtakes

The Cutting Room Floor, Outtakes

Today’s episode brought to you by all the dedicated performers and behind the scenes crewmembers here at JakeAndDollars. Just a little something the editorial staff threw together while the legal department tracks down the critic, he’s still M.I.A.

Episode rated, “Do you mind?! I’m trying to memorize here!” By the actress who voiced the voice in Star Swirl’s head. That’s a spoiler by the way, sorry. Ok, roll it!


The director sat tall in his funny folding chair and held the megaphone up to his mouth. “Ok, places everybody! Infinity’s End, chapter one, scene two, take three. And, action!”

Star Swirl entered stage left, moving along the snow covered trail. His face wistful, and full of determination. He came to a stop, a confused look on his face.

Star Swirl looked around. “Was I supposed to call out first? I thought the owl called out here?”

The director groaned softly then called out. “Cut! Simon! Where’s the dang owl? This is his scene.”

Simon, the set’s animal trainer trotted up. “Sorry sir, I thought he was ready. I just left him on the branch but now he’s gone!”

The director rolled his eyes and scowled at Simon. “Well don’t just stand there! Go find him! We only have twenty minutes until we’re scheduled to be over at stage three.”

Simon nodded and turned to leave. “On it, who left the damn window open!?” He shrieked like a little girl, just so you know.

Star Swirl looked at the director with a hopeful expression. “Would this be a good time for me to use the restroom?”

Infinity’s End. Chapter one, scene eight. Take five.

The director made a chopping motion with a foreleg. “And queue wind gust!” The effects team triggered the eleven hundred horsepower fan, not taking into consideration Star Swirl’s new last second position change made only moments ago by the script writer.

Star Swirl braced against the wind but could obviously be seen lifting into the air slightly. “Fuuuuuu….!” He hurtled backward off set, right into the minutes taker as he tried to leap out of t…

Infinity’s End. Chapter one, scene twelve. Take one.

Star Swirl began to relight the path lanterns, they brightened as the master electrician for the set turned up the power on a master voltmeter from off screen. The carefully concealed bulbs in the lanterns brighten until they’re just perfect, then keep getting brighter, and brighter…

Star Swirl glanced uncertainly at the team. “Uhh…Guys? Are they supposed to be that bright? Guys?” He said whilst backing away slowly.

One by one the bulbs began exploding, sending sparks and shattered glass all around the stage, one of the plywood trees caught fire. The screen cut to black.

White noise for several seconds.

Infinity’s End. Chapter one, scene fifteen, revised. Take fourteen.

Star Swirl stood alone in a corridor inside Canterlot castle, Celestia’s voice began to speak to him from seemingly nowhere.

Celestia spoke her lines as though sad. “I was merely practicing that new invisibility spell you showed us during our session yesterday.” Celestia materialized next to Star Swirl, sort of.

Star Swirl looked at Celestia, his nose scrunching as he raised a hoof to his face. “Umm…” He burst into uncontrollable laughter as he pointed to her legs. An apparent green screen malfunction causing her to only appear from the knees up.

Luna is later spotted off screen paying off the computer personnel.

Infinity’s End. Scene seventeen, take eight.

Celestia smiled and spoke clearly. “I can’t possibly sneak up on somepony with these horseshoes one either.” She waved her leg around to show off the golden horseshoe to the camera, it flew off and smashed a window.

The director sighed in frustration and yelled. “Cut!” From outside the broken window a boom operator leaned over to look into the set.

Infinity’s End. Chapter one. Scene twenty one, take two.

Star Swirl was standing at the edge of the ravine, “building” the bridge to cross the creek. He stopped with a… Confused look over at the director. “Hey, I’m a unicorn right?” The Director nodded with a sigh. “Then what the fuck am I doing building a bridge out in the middle of a fucking blizzard? Wouldn’t I just teleport across?”

The director sighed loudly with exasperation and flipped through some notes. “It’s supposed to be symbolic, and apparently will have some kind of later plot importance.”

A rake slid over in front of Star Swirl and smoothed out the snow.

Infinity’s End. Chapter one, scene twenty four, take thirty nine.

Celestia was standing in the hallway talking with Star Swirl. Sad music played in the background to set the mood. “But what if someday I do need you? Or the Star Order? You’re the last of that powerful bloodline. Do not forget the oath you made.” For once she managed to squeeze out the saline tears on queue and continue the scene. “An oath to be there whenever I had need of y… Ah ha ha ha haaaaa oh haa haa aaaa…” She fell over laughing, again.

Take forty four.

Celestia tried yet again. “An oath to be thhhhha haa hhhaaa grrith stopth haaa haaa tha haaa you basta haahrdd!!!” Starswirl turned to face the camera, the view zooming in on his face. His eyes were crossed and he had stuck his tongue out.

Infinity’s End. Chapter one. Scene thirty, take eight.

Star Swirl’s voice could be heard off screen. “I’m dying Luna.” Luna stared off into space for a moment, suddenly her face lit up. “Yes!” She cheered with a hoof pump.

Infinity’s End. Chapter one. Scene forty seven. Take one.

Star Swirl walked up to the bed, slowly pulled back the covers, started laughing, then walked away.

Twilight Sparkle was laying on the bed in a seductive pose, a sultry look on her face. “Hey there,” she said in a low bedroom voice. Everyone on set cracked up.


Author's Note:

These are just a few of the outtakes from the production of chapter one of Infinity's End. Randomly chosen for your viewing pleasure. More to come. ~Dollars

I hope we make more of these. -Jake

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