Falling Into Step
"Oh mighty Queen, blessed light of the sun that shines upon us all, to behold your countenance is more than this drone deserves. Let me grovel before you and kiss the sacred ground that you deign to touch with your glorious hooves. We worms who burrow in the dirt are as mere dust mites in your untrammeled presence.”
For what seemed a hundredth time since I had begun, I felt a sharp jab in my side, and finally could take no more, giving Topaz an exasperated glance, halting only at her frozen smile.
“Idol Hooves, when you’re done catching your breath down there, please get up you are embarrassing me in front of the Princess.”
I had not even realized ponies could speak while their teeth were clenched so hard. How intriguing, I’d have to experiment with that. I looked up, and found the Princess eyeing me with surprise and concern… and I could feel that the love that had been flowing to all her subjects, while not gone, was taking a secondary role for the concern towards one, and… embarrassment? Oh Order, I was no poet, what had I been thinking? How dare I wax on so poorly before her regal ears?
“Pardon us, Princess, he’s a little overcome, and I think he might have a bit of pneumonia, that wheeze definitely sounded bad! He’s not really from here, so he’s got some weird ideas on how to-” Topaz babbled, and I nearly scowled at her implication that I was sickly.
Then I realized that I had not spoken a single word in Equish. I had prostrated myself before the Princess Celestia and buzzed to the heavens about her glory. Shamefaced at my rushed failing, I began anew, this time ensuring my word would be understood, and was abruptly cut off by Topaz giving my tail a firm yank.
A small smile graced those alabaster features, and I felt truly blessed to be the recipient of such grandeur. “Please, get up. I have never stood well with the idea that any pony should show obeisance by pressing their face into the dirt.”
I tried to react as a good drone should. She did not want me touching the soil she walked on, that was good, that was fine, I should lift myself off of it, but this damnable form had no wings! I could adjust it but not immediately, the effort would take a minute or two to adjust- but by then she had moved on, and I felt shamed that I had not been properly prepared. I had been unable to comply with any command or whim she had of me, I had failed-
“Come on sir, buck up, it’s alright.” A hoof clad in shining metal lifted me to my hooves with practiced ease, and my limbs seemed to regain some strength. “Happens all the time, somepony gets a little weak-kneed when the Princess is about. There’s a good lad.” The figure before me was draped in armor, matching the Princesses own royal wear, though in far greater quantity. Unlike many of the ponies around me, he stood straight and surely, with none of the jubilancy of the other ponies marring his features. The metal was polished to a shine that I could almost see myself in, and I found myself fascinated with the ensemble.
“I… thank you.” I managed, trying to regain my mental footing as easily as I’d taken to my hooves, and the struggle was immense. I needed to find Princess Celestia, I needed to repeat my praise so all here would understand-
“Lieutenant Shielded, pleasure to see you again.” Topaz interrupted too loudly, cutting off my line of thought as I stared at her.
The officer stared a moment as well before recognition set in. “Oh hey, you’re the Bug M- ah. Topaz Showers, right?”
Her blink was not quite a wince, but came close. “Yeah… yeah, that’s me. Just Topaz, please. How’d that powder work out?”
“Fantastically, in fact. Nearly wiped out the whole infestation in that barracks in under a week.” He gave a small chuckle, but it seemed forced. “Bed bugs are bad enough, but honestly, I swear the lice on the Griffish borders are ten times as aggressive as Equish ones.”
“About three times, in fact. And more resistant to soap.”
“Well. Glad to see your friend is up and about again. You alright, mister…?”
“Idol Hooves. I am… fine.”
He seemed slightly taken aback by that, though I could not tell why. “Well, you get that wheeze looked at. Honestly, sounded like you had bumblebees in your lungs, can’t be healthy. And on that I should take my leave and get back to the others. Mr. Hooves, Ms. Showers, good day.”
Topaz watched him go, looking a little annoyed. “Yeah, no second date there either.”
And I had clearly missed something. “Beg your pardon?”
“Oh, nothing. And you-“ She hissed the last, “were buzzing at Princess Celestia! What were you thinking!?”
I sighed, then quietly translated my ‘buzzing’ which had in truth been more desperate praise to a goddess than poetry, and my mood began to rise as Topaz’s eyes widened with my explanation. When she started giggling hysterically, I knew another moment of panic. “What?”
“Oh my…pffft, glorious hooves? Never thought you for a hoof-stallion.” She took a deep breath, calming herself and then pitching her voice so that others in the throng would not hear. “…And you called her a queen, not Princess, and even referred to yourself as a drone?! I thought you wanted to keep a low profile, not reveal yourself in Canterlot’s main square!”
“She very clearly already knows!” I protested, hurt by Topaz’s inability to see. “She is-“
“Not. Omniscient. Don’t make that mistake, Idol.”
I gave her a slight frown, displeased at her irreverence. She actually gave me a faint smile, meant to be reassuring, I believe, and I let the matter drop, for now.
“What is the purpose of… Lieutenant Shielded? There are enemies in Canterlot? That would harm it?”
“What? No, of course not. The duty of the Canterlot guard is to protect the citizens, keep the peace, and protect the princess. It’s sort of… you know, a public service. I mean, you said about their being warrior drones, they have to do patrolling from time to time-”
“No, they generally sleep unless a threat is detected. They do not perform duties of regular drones.” My interest was piqued, however, and I looked at the guardsponies, armor glinting in the light of the sun I had watched the Princess herself raise. “Protect the Princess? Public service…?” I found myself quite liking the effect, and realized that I was having difficulties distinguishing one guard from another. So caught up was I, that I realized with a start that I had been ignoring Topaz’s response to my musings.
“-and sometimes things do happen in Canterlot that require them to put their lives on the line for the sake of the citizens, so… yeah. It’s highly respected, but not everyone is eligible and a lot of ponies aren’t willing to give up so much freedom.”
“Fascinating…” I mumbled, looking around. Why, they had been stationed all over the square in patches, and I was only noticing them now that I truly looked. The armor provided a false mane and covered a large portion of the body. This made sense, I realized, given that ponies would be incapable of growing the thicker shells of warrior drones. It was very pleasing to me, I found. “I am going to have a look around. There is… much emotion in the air.” I admitted, carefully siphoning it off. I wondered briefly if I would be capable of dunking myself in that river of emotion, or if I would be swept away by it. I decided not to find out.
“Go for it. I’m going to go grab some caramel apples. Want one?”
“A what apple?”
“Oh you’re going to looooove this. Don’t be afraid to spend a few bits, have some fun.” She smirked, trotting off. I took that as my cue to wander about.
I found myself circling a group of guards. It was quite interesting, watching them interact with the population. Many held stolidly neutral expressions, but several held smiles and chatted amiably with the community, but for the most part… the community paid them little mind. It was as if they were part of the scenery, a living extension of Canterlot itself. I wondered how this subset of pony formed. Were they, like my kind, raised as foals for the task? I could not tell, and decided I would ask Topaz later.
Tearing my attention from them was difficult, but manageable. There were still other things to witness, and ponies involved in some of the gaming seemed excellent sources for cheer and desire. I saw one filly win a stuffed pegasus that looked remarkably similar to the one I had met when I dropped my cup, and I scowled at the toy, knowing instantly the feeling was foolish.
I found one tent where one had to manipulate a ring without touching a strangely curled metal pole. This was easy, and I did it several times before being asked to stop, receiving another inedible waterfowl for my ‘efforts’. As I slipped it into a saddlebag I noted that it too had a domed head-covering similar to that pegasus, and decided I would let Topaz have her own waterfowl back, the idea of chewing on this one much more satisfying. There was a book signing, also apparently with a similar theme, but I had no interest in such a thing.
There were many other tents, and I decided to walk through them all. Many were games of chance, one pony offered to read my hoof, which I found ludicrous as I had never written on my hoof and never will; there is no possible way the writing will not get smudged, and having somepony who makes it their job to read such things is proof that it is a wasted effort. Another offered to guess my weight, and I was startled with how wrong they were, as I assume they were as well. Oddly I received another prize for this, and I resolved to give the enormous stuffed butterfly to Topaz. She would doubtless find it amusing.
There was one small tent at the far corner of the square, somewhat apart from everything else. As I approached, I could hear shouting, and I assumed it was another pony claiming a game was ‘rigged’. Still, I had decided to see everything, and approached the tent, only to be disappointed as it turned out similar to the ‘book-signing’ across the field.
“-You two slackers haven’t gotten even a single signature, not one pony interested! Honestly, how the buck are you supposed to win someone over with pamphlets and paperwork, in my day-“
“Sir, with all due respect, it’s a fair, not many ponies are really thinking about joining today, it’s really more of a formality-“
The grizzled stallion spun, seeing me for the first time. “YOU!” He barked. “You want order in your life!?”
I blinked, startled to have been involved in this conversation so quickly. “…Yes?”
“Want three hots and a cot!?”
“Well, yes…” Three hot meals sounded very reasonable, I didn’t quite understand the point of asking. Who wouldn’t want that?
“Want to serve your country!?”
“Yes.” I stated, more interested. If this was a guessing game, I was clearly doing well.
“Are you willing to stand for the folk of Equestria at a moment’s notice, waiting for the first provocation to the safety of her citizens!?”
“Yes!” I stated more firmly, finding myself pleased at how straightforward this conversation was going. I liked this stallion, he was making this all very simple.
“ARE YOU WILLING TO FIGHT AND DIE TO PROTECT HER MAJESTY, PRINCESS CELESTIA, MAY THE LIGHT SHINE FOREVER ON HER!?”
“YES!” I practically shouted back at him, not entirely sure why we were shouting but understanding that perhaps he was a little deaf.
“SIGN HERE.” He practically threw a clipboard at me, and I did so, startled. “WELCOME TO THE ROYAL EQUESTRIAN GUARD. YOU START YOUR TRAINING AT THE CASTLE ON MONDAY AT DAWN. DISMISSED, SOLDIER.”
I staggered out of the room, stunned and amazed, barely hearing the words behind me.
“Sir, you can’t just-!”
“-not an authorized form of recruitment, the guard can’t just-“
Topaz found me wandering about as I tried to fully process what just happened. That had been… sudden! It had been intense, and I had been firmly ordered what to do, where to do it, and exactly when! It was incredible! I was still trying to comprehend it as I handed Topaz the butterfly I’d won.
“Awww, it’s adorable~! I mean, it should really have a proboscis, not a mouth like this, but still it’s very cute. Thank you, Idol. Anything else interesting happen?”
“I won a…. duck… and… did not have my hoof read…”
Uncertainly, she nodded as if to urge me on. “Sounds… like… fun?” She got into her pack and began to retrieve something of her own.
“…I think I just joined the royal guard?” I offered, not entirely sure that was what just happened but feeling rather confident of it.
The saddlebag rolled off Topaz’s side as she spun, hitting the ground.
“…you WHAT!?”
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Oh, this just got better ;3
Well that's one way to recrute!
Idol is just fantastic... He's so absurd he just can't be anything but adorable.
He actually said duck. He is learning!
I love this story. I'm so glad I decided to start reading it the other day.
Why do I have the feeling Idol's going to completely bamboozle whatever drill sergeant he gets assigned to, without even realizing it? <.<
Hah! Idol totally won that guessing game.
Also, I'm disappointed that Celestia didn't mention Idol's cutie mark. I was certain she would recognize it.
I gotta say, after all this time, his journey and his development as a individual.
Having him join the the Guard like that...
Was perfect.
Now here's a question: How would Idol compare to the royal guard? I imagine the stress of years on the job and the oddness that would gravitate toward a figure like Celestia pretty much guarantees at least a few personality quirks.
I can just see her not recognizing him at all later. 'The groveling buzzing unicorn? Was that the same day as the mare that petitioned me to recognize the sovereignty of her underground nation? Maybe the same week as the noble that wanted to send the country into civil war?'
"win a stuffed pegasi that"
"pegasus"?
re the end: :D
Eighteen chapters and his finally in the guard, in a way I didn't expect but kind of felt a little disappointing.
5828053 I wouldn't say he's in the guard just yet. He's a recruit at best. He just got caught up in something larger than himself, but he was already interested. And getting his first taste of being ordered about was a catalyst to really get him into the idea.
5827780
Idol and the Drill Sergeants are going to have fun! I only hope the rest of the recruits don't kill Idol first for all the extra pushups and miles to trot because he will agree to anything the Drill Sgt says. Idol may not be commander material, but he would make an excellent soldier.
5827916
It's going to get pretty intense leading up to, and immediately following, the changling invasion.
I bet He's either going to get respect for knowing Rough Shod or be seen as a pony who exploits his connections.
I'm gonna follow that blog right now.
so close
Something tells me Idol is going to enjoy being in the guard. And inadvertently causing all sorts of mischief.
I just love how he falls into things. It makes for a fun read.
It's great, because you can just tell that Idol will be the perfect soldier. He craves authority. Obedience is second-nature to him. Assuming he doesn't make frequent mistakes due to his cultural ignorance, he could easily end up being the drill segeant's favourite. It'll be like that scene from Forrest Gump.
5828804
Haha, that's exactly what I was thinking.
Changeling drones are built for this sort of thing.
It'll probably work out really great up until Idol rises through the ranks so fast that he gets put into positions of authority/leadership, and then things start getting out of hand.
But perhaps the Invasion will happen before he gets that far.
Oh man, I've been wondering for a while now how Idol would end up joining the Guard. And that...
...That was amazing.
Alright, I’ll admit that you got me to laugh out loud with that recruitment schtick. It sort of reminds me of the “liminal, subliminal, and superliminal” scene from the Simpsons.
...lol, that's one way to con peeps into the military...
Well, it's about time. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
5828804
Dang it, I was going to post that video, stupid phone.
But yes Idol is definitly a 'Gump grade' cadet.
Eheheh poor guard. They drillan infiltrator to signup xD
XD I loved this chapter. Idol's 'accidental' signup mishap was hilarious. Keep up the great work! Can't wait to see what else happens.
Sun (Instrumental)
Playing this at the beginning amused me greatly.
She's not the only one.
Pretty good (and hilarious) way for him to finally join the guard.
5830652 You. Just imagine Topaz glaring at you. And also imagine her trying not to be pleased that someone cares enough to recognize arachnology should also be considered a field of study she's involved in, as well as lepidopterology.
She's very versatile in her field, and more than a little overzealous about her definition of it.
5831110
She can consider herself glared back at. Arachnids are the best arthropods and way better than insects. Also she's still wrong, so there.
This is definitely one of my new favourite stories. I really love how you write Idol. I just can't not like the guy, he's just so earnest about everything. I'm really looking forward to the next chapter.
5829240
Honestly, I've got to wonder how much leadership ability idol has. As long as he's given a clear goal and boundaries I could picture him managing small groups of people. I can't imagine all changelings are near-automatons; the Queen would need subordinates and Idol already thinks outside the box. Either way, I can't see them putting a soldier who can't think on their feet the duty of guarding a Princess.
5831165 You do release that they are still considered part insectoid kingdom right? The may be from different families, but same kingdom.
5832076 There is apparently some debate on the subject as to whether entomology should be a focused field or the general study of anything insectoid. Topaz would be for it being an umbrella term for any study of the sort. Hence her attempt to bring freaking manticores into it.
5832350
She better be studying shrimps and other aquatic arthropods too, or I'm issuing her an official Science Demerit for inconsistent use of taxonomy.
(There isn't really all that much of a serious debate, entomologists and arachnologists have already about the same number of species to deal with and absolutely don't want to memorize another 50000+. They just enjoy bickering about which brand of creepy-crawlie is better. Obviously it's the spiders, of course, but that's no good reason to spoil their fun. They might make me stop trolling the physics department (by reminding them twice a day how we get much nicer and bigger labs to play with, by the way) in revenge.)
I sence that Topaz is gonna do alot of screaming into a pillow over this
I can only try and fail to explain the beauty of the writing and humor that is worked into every single chapter of this story.
We begin this chapter with a disguised changeling forgetting to use English when praising Sunbut, her highness, and we end with that disguised changeling being recruited rather abrubtly into the Equestrian military. These points alone would have me wrapped around your metaphorical pinkie, and still I am honored with the amazingly humorous take on a changeling's perspective on completely normal carnival events.
Hail, vdrake77! May your pen never go dry!
A rather short chapter...
Not quitenhow I expected it to happen, but ok.
Oh Idol, what have you gotten yourself into?
5867029
It certainly does make a lot more sense than a bunch of giant vegetarian saber-tooth bugs.
never mind that insects aren't supposed to have teeth to begin with, yeah you heard me, topaz
So, uh... I see the tag for the mane 6 and I've read the title... but how is it that we still have only just reached him being a guard?
5870348 I should probably remove them for the time being, to be completely honest. They're going to show up relatively soon-ish, but the story didn't take the original path I'd planned of being a bunch of one-shots of a changeling in the military. I'll fix it.
Well, after catching up to your most recent update, I can honestly say I'm enjoying this story. I look forward to more.
It. Begins.
Lololol
acidentally joined the army.
Oops
I can totally relate. I once accidentally joined the military too.
If I hadn't already faved this story I would have upon reading this chapter.
Entertaining, heartwarming, charming, and grammatically correct. (Or engaging to the point that I'm too busy reading to notice/remember any mistakes. Six of one, half a dozen of the other. *shrug*)
Learned a new word today. Also, I really like Idol, he's wordy, I Really like Words. And his reaction to her... Almost too fitting.
so far what little we have seen of celestia seems very accurately portrayed to me.
Bout time. Lol. He's gonna be so happy there I think.
Oh, Idol. You will be the death of this mare.