Cap and Remix two Orphaned brothers having no choice but to leave their stable and survive in the Equestrian wasteland having to overcome their fears and weaknesses in order to survive stable 27 story begins here
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 24th Feb, 2014
- offline last seen Nov 1st, 2017
DerpyistBrony
im a brony love falloutEqustria
DerpyistBrony
Joined 24th Feb, 2014 ·
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hey guys have any questions let me know and i will answer
You capitalized every word in the title... except the first one.
4707469 ok dumb on my part thanks for pointing that out
First off, welcome to the community.
Secondly thank you SOOOOO much, you have no idea how much I needed a serious FoE story after something earlier.
Thirdly, just a minor thing, why is the whole story centered? Just a bit off putting.
Anyway, I didn't actually read, but that's not what I do, I've done what I'm here to do and someone else will come along shortly to assist you (probably, they usually do, this is a very supporting community).
Anyway, that's it. Again, thank you oh so much for this.
I'm not sure how to comment on this one; you're narration is first person, plus a recording of his life, so violating the "show, don't tell" rule of storytelling shouldn't be too bad. But it seems like it comes off as a little weak because of it.
In most first person narrations, the individual telling the tale still fallows this rule, but from their own perspective. Its not bad for a first go, so keep at it!
...oh yeah, and don't center so much!
Hey thanks for the positive feed back me and DerpyistBrony were told that if we posted this it would have been hated upon, so i'm just saying thanks for the feed back.
4709745
Yes, there's FoE haters, but they don't do it verbally, they just downvote and leave laughing at themselves.
The only comments you get are those who want to help, and maybe once in a blue moon a hater who decides, "I MUSE LET IT BE KNOWN THAT I DISLIKE THIS MERELY FOR IT BEING FOE!!!"
For the most part though, you'll get assistance, the FoE community is very kind, especially to new writers.
After all, don't want to miss out on what could be the next big story simply because haters disheartened them.
Well, it's quite difficult to say something about this story, but you've got a pegasus OC, that's plus a priori. (Although: why is there always exactly one pegasus, zebra, whatever in a stable? That seems kinda ridiculous. It's like being the only blond person in an entire city in Europe. How is this even possible?
)
I can't say what the story telling is going to be, in fact I'm not sure of it right now. This is a narration of a narration, that's always a bit... tricky to do and read. But on the other hand, this is just the prologue, that means changes might be inocming.
And if not, then I'm once again going to say that people have to differentiate between a prologue and a first chapter. A prologue gives information about the world and setting, a first chapter gives narration and plot. Just because it's at the start of a story doesn't make a chapter a prologue.
Hey just thought I should mention that we might have put part of chapter 1 into the prologue, so if there's a confusion when reading that may be the reason.
4713539 if your Confused about the one pegasus in the stable it is explained why later in the story
4714616
It's no issue I have with this story in particular, it's only... there's always one pegasus/zebra and I know about crazy pony genetics, but with around 500 ponies and those genes which result in a pegasus foal should be in everypony, the odds of only one of them is sooooooooo small.
I'm sure you'll give a reasonable explanation, as I said, it's nothing I dislike about this particular story.
4714011
Don't do that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For the sake of anglistics, you have to distinguish between prologue and the story. Your prologue should give information about. the world and the setting (it's really generic, just a list of facts with a few words in between to keep it interesting to read), while your story features the story (hence the name) of your characters.
4715018 We're sorry but I just now realized that some events from the prologue were suppose to be put into chapter 1.
I liked it, just a few grammatical errors. Keep writing, have a good time, and godspeed lel
Chapter 1 should be out September 1st, September 3rd at the latest.
Hey feel free to comment and ask questions on Chapter 1 Derpy and I would be happy to answer them.
Expository. Hard to follow. Show, don't tell.
I can tell there wasn't much planning or any proofing. Good luck in the future!
ya sorry for not updating the story everypony but my friend who worked on this with me quit the fandom so yaaa idk when a new chapter will be out or if i can do it by myself so message me if you have any questions sorry
yes sorry still no up dates on this guys