Prologue
Prologue
At this exact point in time, and if you felt like it, you could follow me past an old, metal, and eroding gear-shaped door with faded yellow paint that had been carefully brushed years ago into the shape of the number “27” that is the entrance to a society of cave-dwelling (but relatively civilized) multi-colored creatures named ponies. You’ll notice that this metallic hole in the ground -- or Stable as the propaganda of the old world would insist you call it (and penalize you with a copious amount of drugs if you refused) -- is depressing as all get-out.
Middle-aged parents put on fake smiles to lie about their depression to their equally miserable co-workers.
The elderly drink copious amounts of apple whisky because they don’t need to lie anymore.
The children dress in black, oversized suits that they stole from the Stable’s laundry, and write (horribly written) poetry about the futility of life.
And the teenagers do... all of that.
However, one of the teenagers in Stable 27 dared to do only a little bit of that, as he dutifully recorded his life story in a PipBuck that he had rebelliously painted black from the comfort of his bed.
“Why am I doing this? Why am I going to record some probably useless information into this PipBuck that no one will ever listen to? The answer is is that I am bored. Bored, bored, bored.
That’s right, Cap -- that’s me -- the only pegasus stallion (in fact, the only pegasus) in Stable 27, is bored. Every day is the same. I wake up to work in the stable armory, go back to my stall for some delicious and nutritious green slime when I’m done, and then take a shower before bed... umm, that is to say when I can get running water, that is. Something’s wrong with the water talisman, but... nah, it’s probably nothing.
Right, back on topic.
Out of all the stables in Equestria, I got the one with a ban on entertainment. No sports, one boring stable broadcast that would droll about the importance of work and dangers fun posed for a utopian society, and no non-educational (translation: awesome) books. You want an example of how boring it is here? This one time I found a pre-war entertainment device called a “game colt” in the sewers. Don’t ask why I was in the sewers, and definitely don’t ask how I got it out. But it didn’t matter anyways, since Joykill -- yes, that’s her actual fucking name -- a security pony who really buys into stuff that ponies with better clothes and jobs tell her, found it and smashed it right in front of me with her baton. It was one of the most crushing moments in my life, and I remember it every time I see that baton, the one marked with Princess Luna’s cutie-mark, in the armory.
But despite this bummer of a reminder, it’s not like I hate working in the armory. After all, it’s the only place that gives me something to do. Usually, when nopony is looking, I skirt my duty to clean the equipment and I tinker with the small firearms until I know the function of every little piece. Sadly, in order to avoid getting caught, I’ve never fired a gun in my life.
Oh, and then there’s my younger brother, Remix; a unicorn who has the same color of fur as me. We’d be twins if it wasn’t for the color of his mane being different from mine. Besides physical appearances, though, the kid’s a musician at heart, and whenever he’s able he'll slam some forks together and the sound is out of this universe. I mean, have you ever heard fork music? It’s the best.
The only thing that bugs me about him is that he got his damn cutie-mark before me. I mean, how is that even possible? I’m great, I’m talented, I’m sexy, I’m... alone. Umm, right, anyways, here’s a funny story about how Remix got his cutie-mark. The elderly couple that takes care of us, Mr. and Mrs. Alcohol -- yes, names in Stable 27 are really something special -- had a pot and pan collection which Remix would use to create music by banging a big wooden fork on them. And let me tell you, lil’ Remix played with that fork like it was the only one in all of Equestria. Of course, all good things come to an end, and the wooden fork was no exception. One day it just flew out of his mouth, broke the kitchen window, dragged the wind behind it, hit a puppy for good measure, bounced off a railing, fell one story below us, and hit a guard on the head who then heard the music on the wind. The guard, I think her name was Clown Murder or something along those lines, barged right through the door and confiscated Ma and Pa Alcohol’s prized pan collection so that my brother could learn that boredom is next to godliness. When the dust finally settled, we noticed his cutie-mark had appeared: it was a beamed note with a dynamic blue fork streaked in front of it.
However, the story of my cutie-mark was nothing special. I love Sparkle-Cola™, and I used to horde the stupid little bottle caps. That was, of course, until the Overmare decided to recycle all traces of old metal into practice ammunition for a new generation of woefully named guards. But before the order to recycle was even a fever dream, I used to run a black market (aptly named the Fun Market) selling old contraband that I had taken from the guards such as stale candy, creepy homemade toys, pornographic books written by crazy old mares who had a less than stable grasp on how anatomy worked, and the occasional fashion magazine (at least, that’s what I assume it was about. I never got to look since it always sold so fast) with a friendly looking pegasi mare who stood above the words “Wingboner”. All of which you could have bought by giving me precious, precious bottle caps.
But anyways, I got my cutie-mark when a filly named Cherry acquired the last Sparkle-Cola™ in the stable -- which I just had to add to the Fun Market. In order to accomplish that, I went down to her stall and tried to make a deal with her.
Oh, that filly was a shyster all right. At first, she said fifty caps, then I got it to go to forty-five caps, and then out of no where she said sixty-eight, so what did she do you guessed it. " sixty-eight caps now where am I going to get sixty-eight caps don't know there's like no where else to find them.
‘Don't care,’ Cherry said with a smirk on her face.
"Oh, come on, Cherry. A cute young filly such as yourself should give me that sparkle cola for free." I thought I struck a deal right there, but she looked at the cola then me.
She opened her mouth and said, "Okay, fifty caps and a kiss." I put the fifty caps on table, and gave her a quick kiss. Before she could count the caps I grabbed the sparkle cola and ran to me and my brother's room she was too shocked by what happened to notice I only put seventeen caps on the table. After hiding the sparkle cola in my saddlebags, Mrs.Alcohol screamed.
"Oh, my sweet little Cap, you got your cutie-mark!"
And there it was, two pre-war sparkle cola caps. Still have the very cap from that day I wear around my neck as a necklace Mrs. Alcohol made me. All she had to do was cut a hole through the cap and slide in a thread to hang it on. Then two days later it was back to my same old boring routine and the lame stuff that came a long with it.
Oh, and another thing about Remix he only has one friend in the stable. I talked to him a little but I knew he had Remixes back if Remix ever needed it. His friend's name was Gear he was a light green earth pony with a yellow mane and to gears as his cutie mark he worked in the pip-buck stall on the atrium level. Now that I think about it all the ponies in the stable socialize in the atrium the stable store is there, the diner is there, and don't forget the Overmare’s office is also there overlooking the atrium. Speaking of the bitch that fun destroyer the goddess of boring I'm not over exaggerating she puts the dick in dictator... Just give me a second...Okay I think i'm good. She got rid of all the entertainment in the stable all of it. Anything that was fun she got rid of it, so all there was to live, work, then die in that exact order. It's really depressing once you think about it would be worse if most of the security ponies weren't on the lower levels fighting the work riots that happen all the time. It’s sad the riots mostly end in a colt or filly getting shot or beaten up. Sometimes I think the security teams that the over cunt sends down there don't come back the same pony.
But there's one mare I got my eye on. Remember Cherry, ya the mare I practically stole that sparkle cola from ya I like her and I'm-”
"Cap, what are you doing?" Remix asked curiously as he was right behind him until he spoke.
"What in the goddess’s all holy marehood is your fucking problem, Remix! Don't sneak up on me like that! You know I hate it," Cap screamed angrily.
"Sorry, Cap, you're talking to your PipBuck again, and I heard something about Cherry and..." Remix was interrupted by Cap said in a calm voice until the last couple words.
"Remix, I'm gonna say this in a calm voice... So can you FUCK OFF! This is my one hour of free time, and what I say about Cherry is my own business. And bang a pot or something okay." Cap then starred at Remix which then saw he hurt his brothers feelings, but before Cap could apologize.
"Fine, I see you're busy I'm just gonna go see what Gear is doing." Remix then walked out the door with his head down. Cap said under his breath "Great this is just what I need" So ya where was I oh ya Cherry shes has red fur, and no not red as in crimson. Shes also unicorn with a blonde mane and a cherry with a yellow flash for her cutie mark never knew what that meant. She's a security pony as I mentioned before one of if not the best of the best. This other part is so sad she is also the Overmare's pet. Wait hold on what's i'm hearing.
A voice boomed through the speakers in the stable saying "Warning all security ponies to the entrance now!"
Cap then said to himself "Not good I have to find Remix." When Cap opened the door Remix came running in bleeding "Remix what happened why are you bleeding?"
"When I was two stalls away from Gear's and a security mare told me to get to my stall and when I said my friend's stall was right over there she hit me with a baton."
The only thing Cap to say as a response to what is brother said was." Was it Cherry?"
"No it wasn't Cherry Cap sorry.” Remix knew Cap had a crush on Cherry maybe before that kiss he heard about.
Cap then became serious. "I don't care where did I keep the medical box?" Cap looked around till he saw it in the kitchen. "On the kitchen counter, ok Remix here you go. Now you stay here i'm going to find out what the fuck is happening." Before Cap ran out the door he gave Remix orders on what to do encase of trouble. "Okay! Rule one. If the rebels are up to no good and come poking around take whatever is useful from my saddlebags okay, and guard the stall." Then Cap looked at the window of the stall door. "Okay, open the door if it’s me or Gear the door is automatic I'll jam a bobby pin in the latch and it'll lock, and when you see me or gear just carefully take the bobby pin out." Then Cap remembered he has a key card buck which only three ponies have that which is him, the overmare, and the highest ranking security pony.
Cap remembered something really important after that. "Damn I left mine in my locker back down at the armory. Who else would give us a card in case of an emergency... That's It Cherry wait... Fuck her stall is down the hall maybe she could..." then cap ran out the door and down the hallway. All you could here was “hey you get back in your stall now!” Which came from a security pony followed by.
“Oh shit!” which came from Cap.
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hey guys have any questions let me know and i will answer
You capitalized every word in the title... except the first one.
4707469 ok dumb on my part thanks for pointing that out
First off, welcome to the community.
Secondly thank you SOOOOO much, you have no idea how much I needed a serious FoE story after something earlier.
Thirdly, just a minor thing, why is the whole story centered? Just a bit off putting.
Anyway, I didn't actually read, but that's not what I do, I've done what I'm here to do and someone else will come along shortly to assist you (probably, they usually do, this is a very supporting community).
Anyway, that's it. Again, thank you oh so much for this.
I'm not sure how to comment on this one; you're narration is first person, plus a recording of his life, so violating the "show, don't tell" rule of storytelling shouldn't be too bad. But it seems like it comes off as a little weak because of it.
In most first person narrations, the individual telling the tale still fallows this rule, but from their own perspective. Its not bad for a first go, so keep at it!
...oh yeah, and don't center so much!
Hey thanks for the positive feed back me and DerpyistBrony were told that if we posted this it would have been hated upon, so i'm just saying thanks for the feed back.
4709745
Yes, there's FoE haters, but they don't do it verbally, they just downvote and leave laughing at themselves.
The only comments you get are those who want to help, and maybe once in a blue moon a hater who decides, "I MUSE LET IT BE KNOWN THAT I DISLIKE THIS MERELY FOR IT BEING FOE!!!"
For the most part though, you'll get assistance, the FoE community is very kind, especially to new writers.
After all, don't want to miss out on what could be the next big story simply because haters disheartened them.
Well, it's quite difficult to say something about this story, but you've got a pegasus OC, that's plus a priori. (Although: why is there always exactly one pegasus, zebra, whatever in a stable? That seems kinda ridiculous. It's like being the only blond person in an entire city in Europe. How is this even possible?
)
I can't say what the story telling is going to be, in fact I'm not sure of it right now. This is a narration of a narration, that's always a bit... tricky to do and read. But on the other hand, this is just the prologue, that means changes might be inocming.
And if not, then I'm once again going to say that people have to differentiate between a prologue and a first chapter. A prologue gives information about the world and setting, a first chapter gives narration and plot. Just because it's at the start of a story doesn't make a chapter a prologue.
Hey just thought I should mention that we might have put part of chapter 1 into the prologue, so if there's a confusion when reading that may be the reason.
4713539 if your Confused about the one pegasus in the stable it is explained why later in the story
4714616
It's no issue I have with this story in particular, it's only... there's always one pegasus/zebra and I know about crazy pony genetics, but with around 500 ponies and those genes which result in a pegasus foal should be in everypony, the odds of only one of them is sooooooooo small.
I'm sure you'll give a reasonable explanation, as I said, it's nothing I dislike about this particular story.
4714011
Don't do that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For the sake of anglistics, you have to distinguish between prologue and the story. Your prologue should give information about. the world and the setting (it's really generic, just a list of facts with a few words in between to keep it interesting to read), while your story features the story (hence the name) of your characters.
4715018 We're sorry but I just now realized that some events from the prologue were suppose to be put into chapter 1.
I liked it, just a few grammatical errors. Keep writing, have a good time, and godspeed lel
Chapter 1 should be out September 1st, September 3rd at the latest.