XVII - Thievius Unicornis
~My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic~
Written by Deyeaz
with the help of the ever-brilliant Alex Rite
XVII - Thievius Unicornis
*Clip-clop-clip-clop-clip-clop-clip-clop*
Sly didn’t raise his head at the sound of hoofs trotting along the floors of the dungeons. With a loud metal clang, the door to the cell opened wide, and a tray of food was flung by the opener at Sly, the tray crashing into the ground, the colourless slop that was a mediocre excuse for a meal tipping over and spilling on the floor. In walked Shining Armour, face tainted with disappointment and anger.
“There’s your gruel,” he said, before closing the door and standing before Sly, looking down at him in fury. “Why did you do it?” Sly still refused to even budge his head up an inch, mouth not daring to move. “What good would come of it?” Still, no answer. Shining Armour scowled.
Sly’s throat was clogged, as if he was being asphyxiated by his own anxiety. Sly raised his head to look at the sapphire irises of Shining Armour. The Royal Guard looked at the grey dull irises of the thief before him. He saw nothing but the eyes of those who’ve given up on everything. Who’ve just decided that nothing was worth living for. The windows to the raccoon’s soul were tainted with a fog so deep and horrible, it made Shining Armour sick to his stomach to look at him.
“Ugh... you thieves are all the same. Stealing from the innocent just to fuel your own disgusting ulterior motives. It drives me to madness. Even worse, I just saw my own sister crying her eyes out when she left the dungeons, and I know it was because of you.” Shining Armour’s anger deepened. “What really sickens me is how she could ever come to even like such a petty and pathetic little thief like you. Don’t ever think that you’ll be given a second chance by either me or her, because what you did to my sister was unforgivable.
“In the end, you’re just a greedy, filthy, worthless street rat.” Shining Armour turned around and made to exit the cell. “You were born one, you’ll die one, and only your fleas will mourn you!” He slammed the cell door. “May you rot in that cell for all eternity.” Shining Armour trotted angrily back upstairs, leaving Sly to his lonesome. Sly’s gaze hardened as he glared at his mess of slop. A lone tear traversed down his left cheek and landed with a plunk! on the stone floor.
“I’m not worthless... I’m not a street rat... and I don’t have fleas.” Sly bashed the back of his head on the wall behind him, not caring if it would injure his brain. He deserved it. He shouldn’t have trusted Discord, he shouldn’t have tried to steal something belonging to royalty... and he should not, would never dare, to harm Twilight, not after what she said about her loving him.
“Damn it,” he swore, his head bent low again. “I’m such a fool... maybe I am worthless....”
Outside the Castle
“Twilight, you in position for Operation: Raccoon Rescue?” asked Bentley over the Binoc-U-Com he had made for her, along with several other gadgets that would be essential for the mission.
“Affirmative, I’m ready to go,” replied Twilight, from behind her mask. She was standing on the roof of an out-of-the-way building in Canterlot, where she had a good view of the castle. Since she knew she was to be recognised the second she would step on the castle grounds, even through the dark veil of night, she and Bentley required a disguise for her.
And there she stood on the roof, donned in a black catsuit similar to the one she had worn in the Future Twilight fiasco, one of Sly’s spare masks, and had a black scarf wrapped tightly around the lower portion of her face, leaving only her violet vigilant eyes and her mighty unicorn horn exposed. “By the way, where did you get this mask again?”
Bentley sighed. “It’s like I told you before, both Murray and I carry extra masks for Sly in case he loses his. Don’t want cops to see any recognisable facial markings after all.” Bentley then proceeded to explain the plan. “Okay, first things first, you have to find Sly’s cane. It’s been in his family since the beginning of the Cooper ancestry, so you can bet that he won’t leave the castle without it.”
“Gotcha.” Twilight nodded, understanding her first objective. “I think I know exactly where they would hide it. I’ll call again when I have it.” And with that, Twilight put away the Binoc-u-Com and took a deep breath, steeling herself for the dangerous night ahead.
Twilight spotted a huge array of streetlamps and clothing lines not five feet in front of her, the top of the first streetlamp glistening with, not an azure, but a magenta sparkling aura, the unusual hot-purple lights flickering like a dying candle. “Stealth auras on a narrow point mean a thieving opportunity: Ninja Spire Jumps, and some Rail Walks to throw in. I’ve got this,” muttered Twilight aloud. She took a running start for the tall lamp and leapt for it, spinning once in the air and landing rather precariously on her intended target.
‘Okay. So much for being a ninja....’ Twilight had to adjust to being bipedal to accomplish these stealthy tasks. Still, she got the hang of it as she continued Spire Jumping and Rail Walking to her destination.
Twilight reached the castle’s north wall, and saw another magenta aura sparkling at the top of the wall. She reached into her saddlebag and withdrew a grappling hook, black in colour and ultimately long in rope length, another one of Bentley’s inventions that he had also crafted for her. Aiming carefully with her magic, Twilight fired the grappling hook towards the aura with a PFWOOSH!
Whup whup whup whup whup whup w-CLANK!
Hearing the sound of the steel hook yanking on the edge of the stone wall, Twilight grabbed the rope and scaled up the wall, gritting her teeth as she reached the very tip of the extremely high wall in a minute and a half. Using her magic, she teleported into one of the bushes below on the other side, making sure her target was in clear view for fear of accidentally teleporting into a wall. With a pop, she lands in the shrubbery with its leafy protection, the black of her uniform shrouding her in the darkness of night and the shadowy foliage of the leaves.
Twilight waited patiently to make her move, preferably when none of the guards were looking. Ensuring that that had occurred, she headed towards a warehouse close by that her brother had once shown her. It was the place where the Royal Guards stored anything that had to do with castle security, including items that were confiscated from arrested convicts. If Sly’s cane was anywhere, it had to be there. She remembered how, back then, she felt that this was information she didn’t need to know, and she had told Shining Armour this.
“It’s a good thing he showed me anyway,” Twilight mumbled to herself. “I just wish he hadn’t dragged me there.” She slightly shuddered at the reminiscence of Shining Armour practically carting her to see the warehouse. Against her own will, no less.
Twilight looked around a corner to where the warehouse door was and saw that it was wide open. Unfortunately, there were about a half a dozen guards watching the entrance. Twilight began to think back to the things she had learned from the Thievius Raccoonus. She wasn’t sure she could do much of the rooftop moves, so trying to enter from there wasn’t going to work. She wasn’t muscle-savvy, so cracking skulls was out of the option.
She then remembered the Shadow Power technique developed by Slytunkhamen Cooper II, and decided that it was the easiest way to get by the guards. It was very slow going at first; Twilight hadn’t had time to practice. But with only a few close calls, she managed to get into the warehouse without any trouble.
“Note to self,” she whispered. “When invisible, be careful of guards who might trample you.”
She took a quick look around the warehouse. The assortment of objects inside were very strange and random. There were spears, cannons, magic scrolls, and strangest of all, a picture of Discord. Twilight soon found Sly’s cane in a crate labeled ‘unknown items.’
“Well, that was easy. Sure hope the rest of it is...” She brought out her Binoc-u-Com, using her magic to grasp the cane. “Bentley, I have Sly’s cane.”
“Great!” exclaimed Bentley, his face in the lower-left corner grinning from the plan’s overall success. “You know where he is, correct?”
“Definitely...”
“I’ve got a lovely bunch o’ coconuts. There they are, standing in a row. Big ones, small ones, some as big as your he- Oh, why bother, that song isn't even helping....” Sly slumped back against the wall, the bouncy song he had been singing doing nothing to bring him out of his depressed funk.
Sly got up off the ground and shuffled weakly to the cot, resting atop it in a slump and trying miserably to sleep.
Minutes later, Sly heard the sound of the cell door opening, wondering what it was that the captain of the guards wanted now. What it actually was gave him much more of a surprise.
“Sly?” said Twilight, checking to see if the ex-raccoon was asleep or not.
Sly looked up into the purple eyes of the unicorn that had been on his mind since she had first left. Sly was surprised not only by how she was dressed, but by the fact that she was holding his cane.
“Twilight, what are you-” It was at that moment that what he was seeing was finally understandable, the thought striking him like a lightning bolt. “No.... No! Why are you here to bust me out? You shouldn’t be doing this!” Twilight recoiled slightly under Sly’s scolding. “You’ll get in serious trouble! And besides..” Sly turned his head in shame, huddling onto his cot. “...I’m not worth it.”
“Don’t talk like that, Sly,” said Twilight, lowering her face mask. “Listen, I know what I said before, but I was all wrong. You’re not really a bad guy. I know it was Discord who did this to you, and I know just how to fix it.” Twilight came closer to Sly and touched his forehead with her horn. It glowed as she used the memory spell on him, and when she was done, she looked him over. She gasped when she saw that nothing had changed, that he was still a dull, insipid version of his former self.
“B-but, that was supposed to work!” stuttered Twilight, flabbergasted that her memory spell failed on him.
“Well, then, maybe I really am like this,” groaned Sly, moving back into his corner, curling into a tighter ball than before, eyes shielded by his knees. “Just please go... I don’t want your brother to yell at me again.”
Twilight couldn’t stand it, Sly acting like this. She grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him around ferociously. “Twilight? What are you doing?” Sly asked, the nervousness that was creeping into his throat evident by his voice being raised a few octaves.
“You’re so dull... what you need is a little sparkle in your life.” Without pause, she took hold of his face and brought it to her own, acting on an instinct. She closed her eyes and kissed Sly, full on the mouth. Sly’s eyes sprang open, surprised at Twilight’s action, wondering why she was doing it, mind zooming forward a mile a second at how much he... liked it. The colour in his eyes flared back to their original chocolate hue, and spread back into the rest of him, ending at his cutie mark. As Twilight broke the kiss, Sly could only stare.
“Wow...” he said, face blazing like an inferno from what had just transpired. “...That was the corniest crap you could have ever said.” This remark earned him a punch to the shoulder from Twilight. “Ow. Oh, uh, I mean...” he quickly adopted a depressed facade “I don’t think that worked. Maybe you should try another?”
“Tch.” Twilight smiled and magicked the cane to Sly. “It’s good to have you back, Sly.”
“After a kiss like that, it’s good to be back,” he said, grinning as if there was no tomorrow. “Let’s blow this popsicle stand.”
Sly and Twilight managed to sneak out of the castle without a single hitch, Twilight explaining all that had happened along the way. After a quick train ride back to Ponyville, they sneaked through town and back to the Library, where they were greeted by the whole gang... minus Carmelita, of course. She was rather agitated about Sly technically being innocent.
Bentley had explained that while Twilight was working on Operation: Raccoon Rescue, he had gotten everyone and explained the situation with Discord. Pinkie and Murray were the last to be told, and Pinkie was so ecstatic by the news, she decided that they should throw Sly a ‘Welcome-Back-Sorry-For-Doubting-You-Please-Forgive-Us’ party. Sly groaned when he realised it was another Pinkie Party, but despite his inexperience with the parties Pinkie Pie almost always made for whatever trivial reason, he let it slide since he had just gotten out of jail.
“So, how'd the mission go?” asked Bentley with a pleased edge to his voice.
“Oh, it went well,” said Sly, smile still not evaporating.
“And what about that kiss?” he asked, grinning cheekily and deviously. Twilight and Sly’s jaws dropped in shock while everyone else stifled the laughter that threatened to expose itself.
“How... how did you-” Twilight began before Bentley raised a hoof to ask her to stop.
“Here’s something that took Sly awhile to learn,” he said: “if you don’t want me hearing or seeing everything that you do, be sure to turn off your Binoc-u-Com.” Sly face-hoofed at the mention of the useful, albeit occasionally betraying device. After that, Pinkie slapped a record onto the phonograph in the corner and began to dance, bouncy and fast-paced music spilling forth from the phonograph like a tsunami of audible elation. Soon, everyone joined in, except for Sly and Twilight, who were standing together in a corner of the library.
“Look, Sly, about that kiss...” Twilight said, face flushing from embarrassment. She was about to try and find a way to explain it but she was cut off when Sly pulled her into his own kiss.
After breaking the kiss, Sly said, “Ya know, I never noticed before, but you have beautiful eyes.”
Twilight was left speechless, wisteria cheeks blazing with mortifying heat at Sly’s sweet-talk.
Unfortunately, the others weren’t, which was shown by the “D'awww” they shot in Sly and Twilight’s direction, causing them to blush much harder than prior to what happened in the dungeons.
“Don’t you guys have something better to do than annoy us?” they both asked, their irritation palpable by their rough tones.
Murray shrugged. “No, not really....”
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i love a good revenge mission.
derpy agrees with me
yay
more updates
and you didnt quite say if they were being shipped or anything just so i can get the record if Twilight will date him or not
Yeah... convicted criminal just escaped...
No repercussions for this whatsoever...
Updates. It's like Christmas!
Lol now I want to know what Sly might have said or done when he forgot to turn off his Bioc-u-Com that Bently witnessed.
Also how long until this whole mess gets resolved and Discord is exposed?
Hmm... I can't remember this detail but how did Twilight managed to learn all the secrets of the book? I thought only blood desendants could learn it... or maybe it was just easier for them? I don't know anymore!
2226928
Actually, in the prologue to Sly Cooper and the Thievius Raccoonus, Sly said that "anyone who read it (the Thievius Raccoonus) learned to be especially sneaky". So rather than limiting it to the Cooper Clan -- which literally consists of just one last member -- the book can be learned from by anyone, it's just that Coopers are probably more adept at it than others. Although... that last bit is rather a guess.
MOAR
2227447 Pretty interesting to know. I STILL have to get my own copies.
Also, as much as I love the reference, I don't think giving Shining Armor the lines of a stuck-up prince was a good idea.
2227447 as one who has played the games over a 100 times more or less i have to agree that it is not really specified that only coopers can learn from the book but at the same time it is also not specified that others can that has yet to be determined a good theory would be they can learn from the book but probably not all the special techniques while coopers can. But who knows weirder crap has happened in the sly series so i wont say that its not possible unless i am shown otherwise.
Okay, now the gang just needs to find conclusive evidence that will prove, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that Sly only acted the way he did because of Discord, and present that information to the Princesses.
Also, how about at the end of this fic, you have Sly use his Cooper skills to test security for various things (with Celestia's permission, of course), and have him point out whe holes in the security systems he tested afterwards? After all, I'm pretty sure that one of the things he loves about being a thief is the chance to pull off impossible hiests, so this would give him a legal way to do that very thing!
2229684 I know, but it's illogical to just suddenly think, "Oh, things don't make sense. It must be Discord." Just saying.
2229680
Yeah, as much as I enjoyed the reference, I hated making Shining Armour a douchebag by emasculating Sly like that.
I hereby declare that the S.S. ShyLight is now setting out on its maiden voyage!
Sly and Twi kissing, what will our fox turned pony think?
Look who's talking Bentley. Remember the ordeal with the Clockwerk Eyes when you said "The guys are going to kill me."
Sly and Twilight really make a cute couple. Carmelita is not going to be happy.
Really enjoying this story. Discord screwing with Sly from beyond his defeat was a brilliant conflict.
Ok THAT was funny