My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic

by Deyeaz

IV - Are ALL Griffins A Bunch Of A-Holes?(Slightly Revised)

My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic

IV - Are ALL Griffins A Bunch Of A-Holes?

Sly awoke from his dreamless slumber, the light of the Sun shining right down onto his muzzle. The warmth it projected made his nostrils warm and itchy, ergo, causing him to sneeze. He placed his hooves over his mask and turned it around so that it could act as an actual mask rather than a blindfold. He sat up in his bed and put on his navy blue beret once more, getting out of bed afterwords. He started sifting through the contents of his saddlebag: the Thievius Raccoonus; his Binoc-U-Com, and his rPod. He pulled out the latter, hoping that he could go and get some exercise while listening to his favorite tunes. He looked back into his bag and his heart dropped into his stomach at what he saw.

Or what he didn't see: the Crimson Diamond.

"What in blazes?!" He said, panicking as he paced the room looking for the small yet destructive gem. "Where is it?!" He looked around and saw that neither Twilight nor Spike were in their beds. This brought even more worry to Sly, but nevertheless, he grabbed his cane and went downstairs to the main room of the library with great difficulty - having to walk down a flight of stairs with three hooves would somewhat be the equivalent of doing a handstand down a hill: trying to keep your balance would be near impossible. His worry was brought to a screeching halt, however, when the enticing scent of food began to waft from the kitchen and smack him straight in the nose, the very smell of it was intoxicating to Sly. He pushed open the slightly ajar door and spotted Twilight trotting around the kitchen floor, pulling out ingredients from their cupboards and putting them in a pot on the stove as she went. Spike was sitting at the table, eating a blood-red gem like it was a mere apple.

Wait a minute, Sly thought as the dragon finished off the rest Crimson Diamond in one swallow. Oh, no... he's gone and eaten it!

"SPIKE!" Sly shouted at the dragon, who had nearly choked on the Diamond in surprise and fear. "Dude, why'd you eat that?! That was a priceless object!"

"What?" Spike said defensively. "I got up this morning and I smelled something good coming from your bag! Next thing I knew, I was just munching on it!" Melancholy contaminated him like the flu, and Spike looked down at the floor like he had disappointed somepony. "I'm sorry, Sly."

D'AAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW, thought Sly, feeling like he had gone a little too far with his yelling. "That's OK, Spike," he finally said after a minute's worth of silence. He sat down in front of Spike on a tree stump that served as a platform that ponies could sit on in a prone position. "That gem was trouble, anyways. Did you know that if it fell into the wrong han-, I mean, hooves, it could bring destruction to the world?" He said this bit of information in a casual tone, almost like he was announcing today's weather prediction.

"W-WHAT?!?!" both Twilight and Spike wailed; Twilight nearly lost her telekinetic grip on their breakfast, and Spike fell backwards out of his tree stump of a chair and landed on his back and head with a resounding *bonk*. Sly wanted to laugh at their reactions and how ridiculous their faces looked, but the truth shouldn't have to be a laughable concept.

"Yep, it's true. That gem, known as the Crimson Diamond, was one that was rank with both stunning beauty... and acopalyptic abilities. I literally gave my life when I stole that thing."

"Oh, Celestia!" Twilight exclaimed as she bit her forehoof and placed the bowls of food on the tabs, which was also a tree stump, yet wider in diameter. She sat down on the platform next to Sly and placed a hoof on his shoulder. "That must have been awful!"

Sly placed his hoof on hers and glanced at her: she was blushing outrageously at his touch, and was gazing at him sorrowfully, like it was somewhat her fault that he was in this colorful world of quadrupedal creatures.

"No, it's not too bad," He told her, removing her hoof from his shoulder. "I do miss my friends, though. Heck, I even miss my enemies, now that I think about it." He looked gloomily into his bowl's contents, which looked a lot like porridge with flower pedals in it. "By the way, who's this Celestia pony you mention earlier?"

Spike almost choked again for the second time. Twilight was shocked. "What do you mean, 'who's this-" she let her sentence drop midway, because she suddenly remembered last night. "Oh... you're not from here... right." She smiled sheepishly at the coon-pony.

"You don't say?" Sly said flatly, his eyes half shut as he looked at Twilight, his tone drenched in sarcasm. He decided to have faith in Twilight's cooking skills and dip his tongue into the porridge (Twilight almost gasped at how long his tongue was). His eyes went wide with how amazing it tasted, and he immediately began lapping it up like some starved dog. Twilight and Spike couldn't help but snort in their own porridge bowls when they took noticed to Sly's eating behavior.

"Ahhh," the master thief exhaled, the warm porridge making him drowsy again. "Thank you for the breakfast, Twilight." He called as he walked out of the kitchen and into the main room of the library, examining all of the books with a look of wonder. Books about magic spells, romance, history, science fiction, and even this weird genre called "clop-fiction" swarmed him like benign honey bees.

"I see that you like it here?" Asked a voice. Sly turned and saw Spike leaning against a table in the middle of the room. How the portly reptile managed to get there without alerting Sly was beyond the latter, but it didn't matter. He had to answer the question.

"Er, yeah," he replied. Using his hooves and some tricky manuevering, Sly managed to hook the headphones of his rPod around his neck and pressed play on one of his favorite songs: "Decadence" by Disturbed. Soon, the room was filled with the faint sound of heavy metal.

"Say... what's that?" Spike questioned, his claw pointing at the media machine in Sly's hoof.

"This?" The coon-pony said as he gave his rPod a little jerk. "This is an imitation of a media-playing device called an iPod back on Earth. I gave it the name, 'rPod'. My friend Bentley made this for me on my 17th birthday, because I sure as heck couldn't walk into a store and buy a regular iPod when I've got a bounty on my head." Spike gave a little chuckle at Sly's little joke. "The rPod acts exactly like an iPod: it lets you listen to music, watch films, and even do a voice recording. Only difference is who created it, and the logo." With that, he flipped the rPod in his hoof and caught it, then flashed the back of it to Spike. On the back of the rPod was a symbol that looked precisely like Sly's Cutie Mark: a masked raccoon.

"But how does it work?" blurted Twilight, who had walked into the room, having overheard his explanation with his musical device.

"Well, like the iPod, the rPod must be connected to this thing called a computer - which is this really powerful electronic device that can be used for business, education, and entertainment purposes - with an electric cord. The songs and films stored on the computer can be transferred to the rPod through that chord, and boom! Instant music and movies!"

"Wow," said Twilight and Spike, both of them starry-eyed over the advancement in technology in Sly's world. "That's amazing!"

"I thank you kindly, sweet ma'am," Sly said in a fancy tone, feigning a bow to Spike and giving a kiss to Twilight's "royal hoof". She giggled like a school filly and her cheeks burned an even more intense shade of pink.

"Oh, stop, kind sir," the lavender unicorn said in a formal imitation, faking a curtsy of her own and playing along with the joke like they were old friends. "And they say the age of chivalry has passed!"

...What the buck is this? Spike thought, trying his best - and failing - to push the scene into the deep and dark recesses of his mind and lock it inside a massive treasure chest.

"Uh, anyways," Sly finally said, after a couple moments of laughter between the two of them. "Ya wanna go for a walk around the town?"

"Sure!" Twilight agreed, with almost no hesitation. "I'd like that!"

I'd love that, actually, she mused dreamily to herself.

---

"Get out of my way, pipsqueak!"

"O-oh, goodness!" Fluttershy whimpered, backing away in terror from her oppressor. "I-I'm s-so sorry, G-Gilda!"

"You better be sorry! 'Cause the next time you get in my way, I'll really bring the hurt!" Gilda then shrieked her griffin shriek as loud as she could, blowing back Fluttershy's mane like she was caught in a tornado.

"HEY!" bellowed a scratchy voice from atop a cloud. Rainbow Dash had jumped off of her cloud and landed neatly in front of Gilda, staring daggers into her ex-friend's cruel yellow eyes with her magenta-hued ones. "Leave... Fluttershy... ALONE!"

"Oh, yeah?" the griffin threatened, grabbing Rainbow like she was a twig. The athletic Pegasus tried to wiggle from her clawed grasp, but with no results. "And what are you gonna do, Rainbow CRASH?"

Her question was gladly answered with a mind-rattling blow to the top of her head.

She dropped Rainbow in pain, who flew off to go after Fluttershy (who had run away crying from Gilda's assault). The griffin looked around and saw who had hit her. Two ponies and a dragon were there. She recognized the purple lizard and his bookish friend of a unicorn, but her eye caught the Earth Pony that stood in the middle. He was standing on his hind legs with a menacing-looking cane in his right hoof as his raccoon tail was swishing from side to side. He also had some weird-looking blue ornament around his neck, like it was a circlet with round ends, and strange black wires trailing from the ends. His face was shrouded with a black eye mask and a shadow that was casted by his blue beret, but she saw his brown eyes. She saw how their usual warmth and comfort could be replaced by bone-chilling wrath and malevolence in an instant.

"That," hissed Sly, gritting his teeth as he looked at the enemy of his newly found companions.

"Who the hell are you?!" Gilda screamed at her new opponent. She raised up her eagle talon and made a horizontal slash at him. Sly saw it coming and leaped into the air, throwing down his cane into the earth as he twisted in the middle of a backflip. The shaft of his tool-like weapon was planted into the earth, and Sly landed on the golden crook of his cane with his hind legs, his forehooves cocked back behind him like a ninja prepared to strike.

Whoa! thought Twilight in fascination to the graceful display. Who knew he could do something that amazing?

"Ugh! Now you've really gone and pissed me off!" Gilda huffed, trying to buck Sly with her lion paws. The coon-pony backflipped again off of the cane and landed right behind it. He pulled it out of the ground and got into a defensive stance once more. The griffin was furious that she had missed, but she was all the more determined to fight back.

That's the thing about this ugly beast, Sly pondered as he gracefully evaded another claw attack from Gilda. She's a bully, not an actual brawler. She can't handle the heat I'm packing on her.

"Why... can't... I... HIT YOU!?!?" the griffin shrieked as her slashes were parried for the fifth time so far by Sly's cane. She tried to bring another claw down upon him, but it was met with a sudden halt: Sly had grabbed her wrist in mid-swipe.

"Who ARE you?" she huffed, exhausted from all of her failed attempts to injure him.

"Who am I? I think you know.... I'm... sure... you've seen in me in your worst nightmares." He whispered in a deadly tone. He threw off the claw that he had caught, leaving a scared and stunned Gilda defenseless. He spun on his hind hooves and brought the convex side of his cane into her eagle neck, almost breaking it on contact. Gilda was sent flying off to the side and crashing into a nearby fruit cart. Sly tucked his cane comfortably into the strap of his saddlebag and went back walking on his four hooves again. "Good riddance," he spat. He had seen loss and bloodshed blossom before him long ago, so an injured creature was almost nothing to him as he stared at her unconscious body.

"Whoa, Sly!" shouted Spike, who immediately ran up to him afterwards. "You were all BAM! Then WHOOSH! And then BAM again! How did you do that?"

"Let's just say I had some training in fighting, Spike," Sly answered simply.

"That... was... AMAZING!" Twilight squealed, her eyes wide with astonishment. She tackled him in a massive hug. Sly thought it was awkward for two ponies to share an embrace, especially with hooves and extra joints, but he shrugged the awkwardness off like a boss.

"Um..." Sly began as he pulled himself out of Twilight's arms. The latter was disappointed that her hug couldn't have gone on any longer, but she could do it another time. "So, do you wanna continue with the tour?"

"Oh, of course," the studious unicorn answered.

And so they resumed their objective, with Spike having a male role model at long last, Twilight having optimistic hopes that she finally received a coltfriend sent down from the sky - no pun intended, and Sly having a sense of excitement at what other possible dangers and wonders that await him.

---

Author's note: Sorry about the delay you guys. Unfortunately, my Internet was shut off, ergo leaving me no choice but to go to a coffee shop and use their Wi-Fi. Oh, and enjoy the link I posted up. :D

Comments

[Formed_Zeus]

Nice chapter :D Ima find someone to make a drawing of sly in his "defensive stance" as a pony Or maybe him doing some coon-pony-parkour?

[Crimson Dale]

Awesome chapter!!! :D
I love the fight scene between Sly and Gilda, that part blew me away.
Also, I like how Twilight and Spike complements his amazing fighting skills. Well HE is Sly Cooper, for cying out loud, he is an ass-kicking, ninja-like raccoon! :)
Anyway, awesome job on that chapter , keep writing and go beyond, my friend.

P.S.
Can you remove the italic font on the last paragraphs? I don't know why it's there for a reason, but it just looks weird.

[Br2nd66]

I have a feeling he is going to do a mock robery in canterlot for celestia to see how good her guard is

[Error 404]

LOOOOOOL.

Sly cooper+Gilda=LOL UR A PETA BITCH.

[Craterfist]

I want more parkour and fight scenes. Those are why any of us played Sly Cooper in the first place.

390113
Oh, he'd kick their asses, no contest.

[Br2nd66]

391289I know thats why he needs to do it

[Deyeaz]

399736
There's an anchor on the toolbar above the text space: just simply copy and paste the link you want into the text bar the pop-up from the anchor provides, then you can simply give the title of the link a name.

[Deyeaz]

399762
No problem, my friend.

[Ahhhhhhhhh]

"Ugh! Now you've really gone and pissed me off!" Gilda huffed, trying to buck Sly with her lion paws

I loled

[anyone675]

(Reads chapter title) ...Yep it's in there blood to Fuck every thing up, Like retarted people with guns

[OnionPony]

I loved the fight between Sly and Gilda, Sly can be a serious fighter, he can taunt and play along aswell. One of my favourite Sly lines was from Sly 2, during the Operation and Episode 6. Neyla says something about not being able to stay away from the Clockwerk Parts, and then Sly says "No, I just do it to meet lovely ladies like yourself".

[Boss_Hoss1]

Spike eating a cursed gem? This could have... interesting consequences later...

[SuperPinkBrony12]

1668070 Yeah that's likely going to come back to bite Sly in the butt in the future, and maybe if his luck takes a turn for the worst Spike will cough up that diamond because it doesn't agree with him. /

[Xinrick]

Wow awesome but don't you think gilda would have learned a lesson when she was gone from pony ville not still a bitch