XII - The Crime That Really Took The Cake (Pt. 1)
Shadow: It’s something you’ve all been waitin’ for, I guess: a canon chapter.
Don’t worry, I won’t deviate from the canon of the episode. Just making additions.
My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic
XII - The Crime That Really Took The Cake (Pt.1)
The next three days had whizzed by at the speed of a subsonic bullet. Carmelita and Rainbow Dash underwent the former’s flying training, and while Carmelita can only fly half as fast as the cerulean pegasus, it was still regarded as progress nonetheless. Soon, she even evolved to working at the Ponyville Police Station, catching any and all ne’er-do-wells (save for the three we all know and love) and discarding them in the Ponyville Jail. Unfortunately, because of her new arrival, she must work her way up from the bottom of the executive food chain to become an inspector once again.
Bentley was assisting Rarity in the Boutique with whatever orders she obtained from clients all across the Equestrian nation. He visited the library occasionally, much to Twilight Sparkle’s delight (seeing as how hardly anypony comes to check out books anymore), to borrow books on magic, something he had been wanting to learn about for a while. He even occasionally walked Sweetie Belle to and from school in the mornings and afternoons, the two sharing the usual brainiac battle along the way, or talking about anything in their lives. The two had practically planted a seed that would soon blossom into the bloom of friendship.
Murray, despite his gluttonous and slothish manners, implored Mr. and Mrs. Cake if they would allow him to work for them; the couple agreed without batting an eye. Murray had also met the Cake twins, Pumpkin and Pound. Unlike his roommate Pinkie Pie, the ex-hippopotamus had no experience or luck in babysitting the two infantile foals. Ergo... they drove him mad on the Friday that Mr. and Mrs. Cake left early for Canterlot to purchase ingredients for a certain cake that took them months of planning and testing.
It was now Saturday, with the beautiful late-afternoon sun of Princess Celestia beaming brilliantly onto the floor of the planet Equis. Allow us to check on ours truly, Sly Cooper and Twilight Sparkle, and see what they’re up to. Since Spike is out on royal Canterlot duties, the two ponies are left to their own devices for entertainment.
Why, look at that: the two of them are alone and-
Oh....
*BUMP! BUMP! BUMP!*
“Ah! Sly! Keep going! You’re almost there!”
*BUMP! BUMP! BUMP!*
“I don’t think-” *BUMP!* “-I can-” *BUMP!* “-make it!”
“Yes, you can! Try harder! C’mon!”
*BUMP! BUMP! BUMP!*
“Oh, yes yes yes yes yes yes yes YES! COME ON! MORE!”
*BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP!”
“Alright, already!”
“HARDERRRRR!”
*BUMP! BUMP!*
“AHHHHHHHH~!”
*WHUMP!*
“NNNNNNNGGGGGAAAAH!!!” roared Sly in frustration, a light sheen of sweat cocooning his gray fur due to all of his exertions. He collapsed to the wooden floor of the Books and Branches Library, panting quietly like a dog in heavy estrus.
“You were so close to a record, too,” said Twilight Sparkle with a slight undertone of disappointment. She was also slightly sweaty from before Sly’s 'giving-it-a-go', even though he had gotten so much closer than she had.
“Yep,” murmured Sly as he picked up the small purple rubber ball, dotted with white stars, and tossed it in the air by a meter or two, only to catch it again without even glancing at it. “I never was good at math, but I was at... what, 350 bumps?”
“Well, it was actually 347.” Twilight Sparkle relinquished the ball the two were playing with from Sly’s grip and eyed it carefully. She found no lumps of the inner rubber layer on the ball’s surface that would betray the sphere’s condition. However, with her magic, she chucked the rubber ball back upstairs, for she had no use of it. “And while 347 head bumps is impressive,” she continued, “you need about... hmm, over 400 for the new pony record to be broken?”
“I think so...” commented Sly, who had disappeared into the kitchen to pull out a towel from one of the drawers next to the oven. He returned with one for Twilight Sparkle as well, and the two siphoned the light perspiration from their bodies. “Say, where’s Spike? I haven’t seen him since last night.”
“He’s off on Royal Canterlot duties,” answered Twilight Sparkle.
“Ah. I see. He does this every once in a while, then?”
“When he’s called for by Princess Celestia.”
“Speaking of the matter, when - if at all - do I get to meet the Princess?
*RRRR!*
The rumble of their stomachs made the duo grin in mortification. “Er... let’s just get some lunch first, shall we?” suggested Twilight Sparkle said in slight embarrassment. “After that, I’ll be able to answer all your questions; I can’t think on an empty stomach like this.”
“Alright, then. Where to?”
“I’ve got it all figured out,” she giggled. She knew where to venture next: Sugarcube Corner.
The two set out from the Books and Branches Library and trotted to the alleged gingerbread house-shaped bakery, ready to eat whatever the elusive mare Pinkie Pie had concocted in the kitchens.
After deciding that a pair of chocolate-chip granola bars, apples, and wheat-shakes was enough to satisfy an appetite, the two had decided to enjoy the rays of sunshine blanketing them as they laid down in the shade of a nearby tree, talking about whatever interesting the two’s minds: weather, books, sports, books, history, books, museums with priceless jewelry, books, more books, and just about anything related to books.
‘Good grief... she must really love books.’
“Er, Twilight?” A supposed-to-be bubbly voice began. “Sly? We could use your help.”
Twilight Sparkle and Sly looked at Pinkie Pie, the speaker, and went wide-eyed at what they saw beside her.
The largest cake, towering four stories high, colored in the most elegant of yellow and hot pink, and topped with a granny smith apple and tangerine inside a small pile of whipped cream, was balanced atop the back of a red stallion with an orange mane and tail, as well as a yoke around his neck and a macintosh apple half for his Cutie Mark. Pinkie Pie was wearing a cyan construction cap with a red blinking light upon it. A whole area, from the bakery to what looked like the train station, was clearing by yellow-and-black “Keep Out!” posts. Rainbow Dash, Carmelita, and Fluttershy were supporting the base of the cake with thick ropes. However, the cake kept teeter-tottering back and forth, despite all the effort.
Murray and the Cake couple had gone along as well, to ensure the cake was secure. Mr. Cake was sweating like an obese swine, hyperventilating furiously in an attempt to not faint. Mrs. Cake simply had a worried look upon her face; Murray was torn between gluttony towards the mouth-watering cake before him, and fear for the cake’s possible, if not imminent, desecration.
While Twilight Sparkle was irked and frustrated that Carmelita was asked to tag along, she disregarded her annoyance for a second to wonder what in Tartarus Pinkie Pie was doing.
“Uh, Pinkie?” she started. “What’s going on?”
“We gotta get the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness over to the train station!” She explained. “Twilight? Sly? Could you help us out here?”
The two in question looked at each other briefly to see of the other was up to the task.
~Twenty-Five Seconds Later~
The group, now with Twilight Sparkle and Bentley using their magic to hold the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness, with Applejack and Rarity toting a large white trampoline in case it fell behind Big Macintosh, were almost at the Ponyville train station. Any sign of the cake even beginning to fall had Mr. Cake drop dead in a faint. But at last, they reached the entrance to the train station.
“Almost there!” said Pinkie Pie in anticipation. “See? I got it there without a hitch, Mr. and Mrs. Cake!” Now we just gotta get it-” She stopped when she whirled around when she saw the size of the door she was loading the cake into. “-in?”
Instantly, Mr. Cake thought of the cake’s top story being dethroned by the threshold of the door, and instantly fainted again at the thought.
Bentley sighed, then asked, “Does anyone have a screwdriver and hammer?”
~Twenty-Five MORE Seconds Later~
Bentley exhaled exhaustively as the last screw was drilled into place and Big Mac started hammering at the left wall of the dessert car to secure it. “Well, that oughta do it,” he muttered. “Thanks for the help, Mr. Macintosh.”
“Eeyup.” The stoic stallion nodded before turning around, and walking back to the barn. All the ponies planning to partake in the dessert competition in Canterlot boarded the Friendship Express.
“Thank you for letting us attend this dessert competition, Pinkie,” said Twilight Sparkle, once they were all about the dessert car, and the large four-story cake was secured upon a white-clothed table.
“And thank you for helping me with the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness,” replied Pinkie Pie with a grin.
“Gee, that sure looks like a delicious cake,” Carmelita commented, the appealing cake making her a tad hungrier than prior the trip.
“Ah’ll say. Ah can’t wait t’ try out all those tasty treats.” Applejack reached out to break off a piece and sample it, only to be slapped on the hoof by Pinkie Pie.
“Uh-uh-uhhh,” tutted Murray with a frown. “It took months of planning and testing in order to get this cake right.” Sly, Bentley, and Carmelita were shocked. Normally, the ex-hippopotamus would be responsible for destroying a cake such as the one that graced their eyes.
“Yep!” Pinkie Pie giggled. “Well, the tastiest treat of all is sure to be the Cakes’ Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness! All that rich, creamy goodness of the marzipan, combined with the tart tanginess of the mascarpone, blended perfectly with the smooth, silky sweetness of the meringue.” Her description of the Cakes’ cake caused everyone to instantly go hungry, start watering at the mouth, or fantasise about eating it. “That’s why I call the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness the MMMM!”
“Mmmm....” They all hummed in a hypnotized ecstasy.
“Exactly. It’s the most delicious, delectable, delightful, de-lovely cake in Equestria, and it’s sure to win first prize!”
“Zis is not so!” said an angry French voice, causing everypony to turn their heads in shock. Entering the dessert car was a peculiar beast - a griffin, the majestic and legendary fusion of eagle and lion. The eagle feathers were as grey as tainted snow, and the leonine body was the same hue as lustrous charcoal. Complementing the griffin was a black curly moustache upon his golden beak, a red neckerchief, and a white chef’s hat on his head. “For I, Gustave le Grand, do challenge your crude cake to a duel of delectable delicacies against my...”
At once, Gustave whipped out a silver platter that was topped a meter high with chocolate-covered eclairs, the white vanilla creme filling oozing out of a few of them. “Exceptionally Exquisite Eclairs!”
While the name and food appeared rather nice, unfortunately, Gustave also decided to blind everypony by shining a small floodlight of a lamp on his eclairs to heighten their appeal. Luckily, he had the sense to dispose of the lamp post-haste afterwards. Once Gustave le Grand placed his eclairs on an adjacent table, he went on to say “Zey will undoubtedly strike down all ze competition, winning first prize and crowning me le champion!”
‘This guy is way too much of a blowhard,’ thought Sly.
“Not a chance, le Grand!” A voice with a Manehattan-accent hollered. Heads turned for a second time to reveal an Earth Pony stallion with a khaki coat, light brown mane and tail, white cook’s hat and shirt, and a strawberry-glazed doughnut Cutie Mark.
“Donut Joe!” exclaimed Twilight Sparkle in surprise. “What are you doing here in Ponyville?”
“Picking up the final, all-important ingredient for my contest entry,” hesitated Donut Joe with a cocky, devilish grin on his muzzle before spinning around and wheeled his entry into the dessert car. “DONUTOPIA!!!”
The entry consisted of an entire city - somewhat similar to Manhattan back on Earth, or Manehattan of Equestria - comprised completely of doughnuts, stacked entirely on top of one another to make the perfect diorama of a complex and bustling city. Everyone went wide-eyed in awe at the marvelous sight before them. With a smirk, Donut Joe whipped out a container of sprinkles and shook the open end upon the city of Donutopia, making it gleam and shine with delicious sprinkles.
“And with these super sprinkles, my doughnuts are gonna dunk all the other lousy desserts, steal first prize, and make my doughnut shop famous! Forever!” Donut Joe punctuated this promise by laughing maniacally, like he was plotting to take over the world.
“Aren’t you milking this a bit much with that laugh?” asked Bentley, earning a frustrated glare from the doughnut salespony.
“Oh, Joe, oo-hoo, your dippy donuts could never outrun me, ooh,” a meek voice, belonging to an elderly lady, called from outside the train. Once again, all the dessert car’s occupants turned their heads around to witness a... chocolate moose enter the train?
“Hello!” introduced Pinkie Pie with a genuine “What’s your name?”
“I am Mulia Miles. Mmm.” Behind the moose stepped out a mule, ripe with old age. Her characteristics included a khaki coat, a face more weathered than a canyon, a turquoise-beaded necklace, and black poofy hair. She even spoke like an elderly person, punctuating her statements with a croon or two in her speech. “Behold, my Chocolate Mousse Moose!” Looks of shock and frustration settled upon the faces of the other attendees of the competition. “It will trample all your treats, be getting first prize, and make me the greatest chef in Equestria!” Mulia Miles ended in a croon.
“Madame Miles!” Interjected Gustave, tapping on Mulia’s muzzle in an admonishing manner; “you and your mousse moose are mistaken.”
“Your frou-frou eclairs will never defeat my doughnuts!” boasted Donut Joe as he pointed at the griffin.
“The Cakes’ Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness is going to win!” blurted Pinkie Pie confidently, causing surprise to rock the three other bakers like an earthquake.
“Yeah! All your desserts suck compared to the MMMM!” cheered Murray as he butted into the conversation.
“Murray, not now,” deadpanned Sly as he yanked Murray out of the group of bakers.
“Awwww....”
“Your simple cake could never take my moose!” rebutted Mulia Miles simply.
The arguing would’ve continued on and on, probably until one of the four were wasted away by the weathering River of Time; however-
*WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!*
*CHUGGA...CHUGGA...CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA-*
The train was departing for Canterlot. Steam billowed from the wheels of the train, coating the Ponyville train station in a layer of fog. All the while, the four bakers Pinkie Pie, Gustave le Grand, Donut Joe, and Mulia Miles glared intensely at each other in anger.
Luckily, Twilight Sparkle helped put a stop to it. “Well, it looks like we’re in for a delicious competition tomorrow. Maybe we should settle in for a good night’s sleep.”
“As do I,” concurred Bentley. “When we get there in the morning, we will see who the real victor is in this little battle of the bakers.”
And so, the bakers, save for Pinkie Pie, stalked off to their rooms on the Friendship Express, grumbling to themselves as they did so. They entered their compartments and slammed the sliding doors shut so they wouldn’t have to look at one another for a moment long.
Rainbow Dash yawned and cracked her back in exhaustion. “I gotta admit, I’m pretty beat.”
“Yeah,” agreed Applejack. “Ah’m gonna hit th’ hay mahself.”
“Likewise,” concurred Carmelita.
Soon, the others followed, only to be blocked by the erratic pink mare. “Wait!” Pinkie Pie hollered. “Didn’t you hear those chefs?! We have to protect MMMM!”
Rarity glanced at the cake, then back at the Element of Laughter. “MMMM?”
“Mm-hmm! I know for super sure that MMMM is the best dessert in all of Equestria, and I know that they know it, too!”
“Sooo...” drawled Rainbow Dash in slight sarcasm, wishing for Pinkie Pie to proceed so that they can all get some sleep.
“Sooo one of them is gonna sabotage that Cakes’ cake tonight!” The pink one finished. “You have to help me stand guard.”
The nine other ponies glanced at each and snickered, save for Murray, as he also took part in preparing the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness (Granted, it was the “taste-tasting” part).
“Pinkie,” admonished Twilight Sparkle with a smile. “You’re overreacting.”
“Yeah, those chefs aren’t gonna do your cake any harm,” promised Applejack.
“But they are!” persisted Pinkie Pie, grabbing the apple farmer’s face to help get her message through. “I just know it!”
“Fine,” Rainbow Dash decided, “if you wanna stand guard, then go for it. We’re going to bed!” At that, she zoomed over Pinkie’s head and into her room, leaving a dome-like indentation in her poofy hot-pink mane. Seconds later, the indentation filled out like an inflated balloon, returning Pinkie Pie’s mane back to its original chaotic style.
As the other ponies walked past Pinkie Pie and into their rooms for the night, the pink mare sat down on the ground in defeat, her chest running amuck with feelings of pain. Why didn’t they believe her? Surely, someone would damage the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness, wouldn’t they?
“Murray?” she started. “You’re not leaving me, right?”
Murray stopped and sighed, then turned to face Pinkie Pie with a grin. “Of course I won’t,” answered the fuschia male Earth Pony. “I’ll stick by you the whole night if we have to.”
Pinkie Pie beamed widely before tackling Murray in a large hug. “YAY!” She squeaked loudly as she nuzzled him.
“Pinkie! My ribs! You’re breaking... my ribs!” Murray wheezed in anguish. Indubitably, the sound of cracking emanated from Murray’s torso, signaling that Pinkie Pie was hugging him just a little too hard.
“Whoops! Sorry!” Without warning, Pinkie Pie jumped in front of the cake and spread her forelegs out to shield it from anything that would come its way. “We’ll show them! We’ll stay up all night and protect you, MMMM! Nothing and nopony will stop us from keeping you safe!”
She got down of the table and started watching the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness with the most intense of leers.
Murray sighed and started patrolling the perimeters of the dessert car. “This is gonna be a long night....” he grumbled.
And a long night it was to be.
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She was also slightly sweaty from before Sly’s “giving it a go
Gustave le Grande
teal first prise
1. Forgot your... uhh... closing... mark... and it's not a quotation mark as I remember
2. Grand, not Grande
3. Oooooh... Is there some kinda prissy award? Or was that a Prize?
God, why am I doing this
Also, HUZZAH! My mind was NOT in the gutter! My fortification from reading your fics and one other I shall not mention has strengthened my mental defences! ... I am a lunatic...
1667477 Yay, I'm not the only one now!
Get back here!
Nopenopenopenopenopenopenopenope!
1667477
Fixed, fixed, AAAAND fixed.
o_o awkward... Dirty mind workin its magic! GET IT OFF! NOT CLEAN!!!
And then it turns out, he was just trying to break a ball-bouncing record.
TROLL!!!!!!
I don't think letting Murray guard the MMMM was a good idea, it'll be a miracle if he doesn't devour the cake himself.
Part of cake get's eaten
Carmelita thinks it's Sly
Pinkie thinks it was the bakers... *waits for next part*
I smell a reverse thief....
1668517 Yes, impostor indeed. She'd never let "her" thief drown.
That's impossible because it's not even out yet AND they're not the ones making it. Sanzaru is releasing it next February.
Heh let us see how this turns out. also Crossover shipping Hurrah.
Carmelita Fox.... err Pony... doesnt have a special somepony. HA poetic justice.
AHAHAHAHA
IT'S CALLED THE CRIME THAT TOOK THE CAKE
BECAUSE IT'S TALKING ABOUT CAKE.
I'm loving this story so far!
Why, look at that: the two of them are alone and- Oh.... *BUMP! BUMP! BUMP!* “Ah! Sly! Keep going! You’re almost there!” *BUMP! BUMP! BUMP!* “I don’t think-” *BUMP!* “-I can-” *BUMP!* “-make it!” “Yes, you can! Try harder! C’mon!” *BUMP! BUMP! BUMP!* “Oh, yes yes yes yes yes yes yes YES! COME ON! MORE!” *BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP!” “Alright, already!” “HARDERRRRR!” *BUMP! BUMP!* “AHHHHHHHH~!” *WHUMP!* “NNNNNNNGGGGGAAAAH!!!” roared Sly in frustration, a light sheen of sweat cocooning his gray fur due to all of his exertions. He collapsed to the wooden floor of the Books and Branches Library, panting quietly like a dog in heavy estrus.
oh that was hiarious
Gaaahhh. Oh what I hated that moment when...*SPOILER* Rarity, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash did it. Well...at least with the Cooper gang there will not be more thiefs...except for them
WHAT WAS WITH THE INNUENDO?!?!
I mean really did it have to sound that wrong?
*sigh* but this chapter was great and cant wait for the next one and i wonder how this whole case is going to be solved with an 'ACTUAL' detective there
Keep up the good work and update soon please
So wait...it took Murray and the cakes months of testing to get it right...and they did that in the three days he was there?
1667477 why are you reading this then?
huh, thought Carmelita would want to help stand guard. it is in her expertize.