XIII - The Crime That Really Took The Cake (Pt. 2)
My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic
XIII - The Crime That Really Took The Cake (Pt.2)
*COCKA-DOODLE-DOOOOOOOOOOOO!*
The far off crow of the rooster, as well as the sun’s blinding brightness awoke all of the occupants of the Friendship Express. Twilight Sparkle awoke to the sun’s light, rubbing her large eyes with her hooves to rid them of their sleep paralysis. She descended down the small ladder of the bunk bed to awaken Sly, who was sleeping in the bed beneath her own. “Sly... wake up,” she said.
The ex-raccoon slid his eyes ajar, wiping his eyes much like the lilac unicorn had before. “I’m up.”
“We’re almost to Canterlot; just a few more hours.” To start off the morning, the two were presented with their breakfast: a few eggs served sunny-side up with two rashers of hay bacon, a glass of orange juice, and a small clove of garish to accent the eggs.
Once those were down the gullet and their teeth were brushed and flossed of any debris from their feeding, Twilight Sparkle opened the door and made her way to the dessert car next door, with Sly following her.
When they opened the door, both of their jaws went slack.
Pinkie Pie and Murray lay on the floor, one snuggling the other as they lay there, out cold and asleep. “Pinkie...” The unicorn groaned... until she gazed upon the cake. “Whoa!” exclaimed Twilight Sparkle at the sight of the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness.
“What the-?” Sly began, only for their exclamations to noisily awake both Pinkie Pie and Murray simultaneously.
“What? Where? Who? Why?” They both said in perfect unison. Twilight Sparkle facehoofed, exhaling an exasperated sigh. Pinkie Pie and Murray shared a laugh at the small coincidence before the latter backed away from the former from how close they were together. Pinkie smiled when she saw that, from her point of view, the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness was in one piece.
“Oh, MMMM!” eked Pinkie Pie. “You look mmmmarvelous!”
“You liked the way we guarded the heck outta this bad boy, Twi?” Murray crossed forelegs over his chest in pride, which made Sly tilt his head in curiosity and confusion.
‘...Last time I checked, ponies’ forelegs aren’t supposed to be flexible like that.’
“Think again, you two,” Twilight Sparkle said as she advanced forward to rotate the table bearing the cake. “Look...”
“Look at wha-?” The two pink ponies were cut off mid-sentence by the sight of the four-story cake. They both gasped tremendously in shock and surprise at the cake’s desecration: massive bite marks, much like those of ferocious sharks, were carved upon the three bottom stories of the cake’s sacred surface.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-!” Screamed Pinkie Pie.
“FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-” wailed Murray, before getting a hoof in the mouth from Sly to silence him. Sly leered at him with an uncomfortable and dumbfounded gaze, similar to the way a father would look at his paraplegic daughter when he has to tell her that her obsession and dreams of becoming a ballerina will never come true. He then shook his head, a nonverbal way of telling Murray that ponies shouldn’t know how to swear. Murray seemed to have gotten the message through, for he nodded and tried to do a thumbs-up...
Except for that he had no thumbs.
"Son of a-!" Murray growled before sighing in defeat and irritation.
“Whu- what is it?” asked Applejack sleepily as all the other occupants of the cart entered the dessert car.
“What happened?” inquired Rainbow Dash.
“It’s the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness!” explained Pinkie Pie. “It’s been... mutilated!” She dryly sobbed these words out. All the occupants gasped in shock. Soon, Pinkie Pie donned a serious guise. “Now we just need to found out who done it!”
Twilight Sparkle said, “You mean who did it.”
“Exactly! Who did done dood it!”
A pause ensued. Somewhere, possibly in another universe, several conscientious beings felt a slight disturbance run through them at Pinkie’s innocent - yet still harmful - assault upon the English/Equestrian language, or as they like to call it “their grammar-jimmies being rustled”.
After the pause died down, Twilight Sparkle began, “Well, having read many mystery novels, I know that the only way to discover the culprit is to investigate.”
“Exactly!” As if out of nowhere, Pinkie Pie brought forth a monochromatic Sherlock Hooves hat, as well as a pipe. The four Earthlings were a bit appalled that smoking existed in this seemingly colourful and cheerful world, until Pinkie blew on the pipe, expelling forth a crowd of bubbles. One bubble expanded in front of Twilight Sparkle’s face, engulfing her head and popping when it reached its peak. “And as chief detective, that’s exactly what I’m gonna do!”
“Okay, how does she get these random things?!” Sly whispered to Bentley.
“It seems she’s been given the ability to access hammerspace,” the green unicorn replied, pushing his glasses up with his hoof.
“Hammerspace?”
“Yes. Hammerspace is essentially the infinite amount of space within something in which items are stored. Inventories in video games are a prime example, as the character is somehow able to hold a metric crap-ton of stuff without any sign of even a bag on him or her.”
“Ohhh...” Sly nodded. “Alright.”
“Uh, you’re investigatin’?” Applejack asked, her southern belle voice glazed with doubt.
“Yes!” Pinkie Pie rammed a black bowler hat onto Twilight’s head. “And Twilight shall be my lowly assistant, who asks silly questions with obvious answers!” Pinkie trotted around the cart, blowing her bubble pipe.
“Ooh! Ooh! What about me?” Murray asked excitedly. “What can I be?”
As if her mane was an endless void filled with all assortments of random knick-knacks and doo-hickeys, Pinkie Pie pulled out a second bowler hat and slammed it onto Murray’s head. “You can also be an assistant!”
“Hooray!” The ex-hippo hopped around the train in joy.
“Tch!” Carmelita stepped forward. “If you wanna find the perpetrator, why not let a real detective handle this?”
A spasm of annoyance flickered through Twilight Sparkle, making her eyebrow twitch. Regardless, she sighed and shrugged the matter off. “Well, Pinkie, should we start looking for clues?”
“Hey! Answer me!”
“Perfect silly question, Twilight,” began Pinkie Pie, “because the obvious answer is....”
“Yes?” guessed Twilight Sparkle.
“Stop ignoring me! I have a guess at who did it!”
“No!” Pinkie corrected. “Because I know who did it!” Gasps rang out at what the pink party animal said.
“IT WAS SLY THAT DID IT! COME ON, GUYS! I’M IMPORTANT, TOO!”
“No, you’re only semi-important. And no one loves you,” deadpanned the ‘lowly assistant’ with a glare at the ex-fox, who only snarled and glared at the unicorn. “Regardless, Pinkie Pie, how could you possibly know?”
“How could I possibly not know?” the pink one commenced, “Clearly, this dastardly deed was done by the baker, who knew that their dessert could not measure up to the mastery of the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness. I guess you fear your eclairs lacked flair... GUSTAVE!” She pointed a hoof of accusation at the French griffin before spinning a spontaneous (and obviously ludicrous) web of how Gustav sabotaged the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness by not only tying Pinkie Pie and Murray on the tracks in front of the very train they were on, but how he had placed the four-story cake on a conveyor belt that lead to a sawblade that would slice the confectionery into pieces.
The overall tale had a very Western and old-timey feel it. “...Thus destroying the cake and the Cakes’ chance at winning the Nation Dessert Competition!” Pinkie was glaring down at Gustave le Grand whilst atop both Mulia Miles’s and Donut Joe’s heads.
“But it makes no sense!” exclaimed Twilight.
Pinkie jammed the mouthpiece of her bubble pipe into the cheek of the lilac unicorn. “What do you mean, lowly assistant?”
“Well, first, if we were still tied to the train tracks, how are you and I still here?” Murray asked.
Pinkie Pie blew on her bubble pipe some more. “Huh... guess that isn’t a totally silly question.”
“You guess? You guess?” Carmelita facehoofed. “Oh, for the love of-!”
“And second,” countered Twilight Sparkle, “the cake hasn’t been sliced; it’s been bitten.” Twilight Sparkle pointed a hoof at the cake. “Just look at the teeth marks!”
Pinkie Pie brought her face up close to the cake and its oral lacerations. “Hmmm... you’re right, my fine fellow.”
“Of course she’s right!” Bentley exclaimed in frustration. “It doesn’t take a moron to find that out!”
“Bentley, would you just-!” Sly blurted as he crammed his hoof in Bentley’s mouth before being cut off again.
“Gustave le Grand is clearly in the clear,” Pinkie continued, “which means that MMMM was destroyed by another baker... a baker whose doughnuts are do-nots! That’s right: it was JOE!”
“Oh boy, here we go again,” murmured Applejack in disdain.
“Or as he’s known in the spy world... Mane. Con Mane!” Pinkie, once again, reeled into a story of the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness’s destruction by ‘Con Mane’, who had gassed Pinkie Pie and Murray and used a mirror to reflect the beams of the invisible, infrared laser security system (Sly shuddered) and slice the cake into pieces.
Did I also mention that in the end, Con Mane gets covered in mares?
Indeed he was. For, you see, Con Mane always gets all the mares. Always.
...Moving on.
“...Crushing the Cake’s chances to win!” Pinkie Pie concluded, glaring down at a nervous Donut Joe with the fury of a dragon.
“Pinkie!” interjected an incredulous Twilight Sparkle, her hat catching a few seconds of airtime before plopping back onto her head. “There is no laser security system! And Joe is no sleek, stealthy Con Mane: he’s big, gruff, and messy!”
“Hey!” retorted Donut Joe defensively.
“Although, you would look rather dapper in a tuxedo,” Rarity eked, giving Donut Joe a vivid image of what he looked like and what he’d accomplish.
...Oh, come on! Did you not see the look on his face when Rarity said that? He was like a fat colt in a candy store that had a chocolate waterfall out front.
“Hmm... you may be right, lowly assistant,” began Pinkie Pie.
“Maybe?” echoed Twilight Sparkle in slight frustration.
“Don’t bother,” advised Murray. “It’s Pinkie Pie: she’s hard to understand. She’s more complex than a Rubik’s Cube taped to a Jigsaw puzzle taped to a terrorist that’s screaming at you in another language.”
All the passengers on board looked at Murray confusedly. “...Exactly.”
“...Anyways, now that I’m taking a closer look at the desserts, I see that one cannot simply look me in the eye.” Disregarding Murray’s odd choice of words, Pinkie Pie fired a leer at the chocolate mousse moose.
“Pinkie! That moose is a moose!” countered Twilight Sparkle.
“Yes, and the mule behind the moose panicked when she saw the mastery of the MMMM!”
“So you’re saying that the culprit is...?”
“Mulia Miles!” Pinkie redirected her glare at the defenceless middle-aged mule. She then pressed on about how Mulia belongs to an ancient clan of mule ninjas, and that her task from her sensei was to incapacitate the two ponies (with a frying pan) safeguarding the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness and destroy the cake once and for all.
“...Putting an end to the Cakes’ dream of winning first prize!” Pinkie Pie said. “Hmph! I hope you’re proud of yourself, Mulia!”
“Pinkie, stop! This is ridiculous!” scolded Twilight Sparkle. “Look at her!” When she pointed at Mulia Miles, all eyes turned to the mule, who was on the ground and quaking in anxiety and fear.
“Moreover, she looks like she has neither the flexibility nor the stealthy talent of a highly-trained shinobi,” explained Bentley.
“Hum... I guess you’re right,” admitted Pinkie Pie.
“Thank you!” exhaled Twilight, glad that the exacerbation was coming to an end.
“Oh, but I was so sure that it was one of the other bitter bakers that destroyed the MMMM. That way, their delicious desserts would reign supreme.” The other bakers turned their heads in disdain at Pinkie Pie’s words. “I mean, just look at Joe’s Donutopia! It’s a spectacular city of doughnut-y delight, topped temptingly with sprinkalicious sprinkles!” About a third of the passengers started going gaga for the donut city diorama.
“And Gustave’s eclairs look incredibly edible with glistening glaziness!” Two-thirds of the passengers’ mouths were watering, their full-from-breakfast stomachs suddenly feeling empty.
“But then there’s Mulia Miles’s mousse moose!” Pinkie exhaled in euphoria as she wrapped a foreleg around the neck of the confectionery. “Why, this mouthwateringly marvelous mousse moose tempts the taste buds with its silky-smooth, yummy-nummy chocolatey-ness!” In that instant, all the passengers felt hungrier than a whole Saddle Arabian family after a month-long fast.
Pinkie made her way back to her desecrated cake. “So why did this criminal devour the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness while leaving this trio of tasty treats untouched?”
“Well, I have no clue,” Carmelita said as she stepped forward. “But right now, it couldn’t get any worse, yes?”
Bentley facehoofed. “Yep, we’re doomed.”
“Why do you say that?” Donut Joe whispered to Bentlay.
“Because back home, there’s this universal law known as ‘Murphy’s Law’, and it basically states if anything can go wrong with something, it will go wrong. You just ought not to challenge that law, is all. Whatsoever.” Bentley's expression darkened at that word: he knew of the horrible things that happened when someone challenged Murphy's Law.
“Back home?” Gustave tilted his head in curiosity. “You mean zat you are not from around here? Zen where did you come from?”
“A long way, Gustave,” Sly answered simply in Bentley’s place. “Let’s just leave it at that.”
As if by fate, the train entered a pitch-black tunnel in, deadening everyone’s sense of sight and covering their retinas in an impenetrable blanket of darkness. The sound of chewing and munching reached everyone’s ears, followed by a shriek of terror; feminine, by the sounds of it. When the train vacated the cavern, everyone looked shocked and appalled at what had occurred to the trio of desserts.
Mulia Miles’s chocolate mousse mouse had been violently chomped upon, until only a few of the legs and the head remained, the latter laying pathetically on the platform it was to be carted around in. Donut Joe’s Donutopia had been orally desecrated as well, the city’s mighty and glazed buildings destroyed in such a manner that would rival Godzilla’s ferocious destruction of Tokyo. Gustave le Grand’s Exceptionally Exquisite Eclairs were the last to go, leaving only a little over half a dozen half-eaten eclairs to ooze their creamy fillings onto the platter they rested upon.
Pinkie Pie shook her head, her eyes glazed over with worry and melancholy. “Now I have no idea who do doned it!”
“Dun-dun-duuuun!” Murray said dramatically.
"Ya know what?! That's it." Despite not having fingers, Bentley grabbed Murray by the ear and dragged him into the next car over. "There will be words about your foolishness, Murray! Honestly..."
"Dang it... not again."
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Oh, you wanted first comment?
joystickdivision.com/blue_shell.jpg
Well that's just too fuckin' bad, innit?
And now we wait for the next part, love it!
1805178 Inco- *BOOM* Medic!!!!!!!!!!
1805201 Ze the healing is not as rewarding as zhe hurting.
There's a repeat feature on Youtube?
Why am I the last guy to hear of this?
1805278 F
k you, me and Nightmare where going to 'get down to business' if you know what I mean. And now I don't have any legs!
1805300 Ah hold still spyhonez zhis vill only sting for a moment.
1805293
Yeah: you just type "repeat" in front of "youtube" when a vid is playing.
1805329
I should have known it would be that simple. Thank you.
1805320 It did only sting for a moment.... BUT YOU CUT OFF MY F
KING ARMS!!!!!!
1805178 Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! The blue shell!!!!!! Everypony run!!!!!!!
1805412 Oops! Zat vas not medicine!
Yay
finally a new chapter and I like it a lot keep up the good work
I knew Sly would be accused.
Missing your who.
The joke about the rubics cube, a jigsaw puzzle, and the terrorist got me laughing. well sone sir.
1806964
Thanks for catchin' that!
i would like to mention i am a big fan of the sly series i played the crap out of them when i was a kid man i even remember the release trailers were for sly 2 and 3 when they came out and i still play the games to this day so i can happily say i am very much enjoying this fic a lot keep up the good work.
1917331
>Goes to link.
>I just noticed now as well! Who'da thunk it.
>Sees banner.
>O_O Sweet God, Carmelita's got some serious pear hips goin' in... me gusta?
But no, really, thanks for the link, and I'm glad you're liking this story.
1917350
~yay~
~yaaaaaaaaay~ I didnt know you could link through different pages.....I am LOVING this story.
ShadowWeaver, I am a huge fan! You are a great dude!
But dude, why have you not updated recently? its been almost three months!
There are very few MLP Sly Cooper fics out there, and yours is one of very few decent fics. 
So please I beg of you: UPDATE SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
2107927
Plus, some of my other stories are picking up dust like crazy. 
I know, mate. I WANT to update SO bad, but I usually do canon episode chapters verbatim - word for word. But with Hasbro, Inc. terminating almost all the episodes on YouTube, it's getting harder to update since the episodes THEMSELVES are impossible to get.
But don't worry, my friend! I WILL do my best to put it up in the near future!
Thanks dude! That rocks!
2111676 there is another way to get the episodes other then youtube. A good example would be netflix though that is just a suggestion though
Heh, funny. Browsing FIMFiction, I never thought I would ever see a Sly Cooper/My Little Pony crossover story, let alone three! That's kinda amusing, to be honest.
I'll be sure to read this one too but for now, I'm just letting you know that I was the one who drew your cover art. You can find it on my deviantART page right here: [link]
2153383
Ahhhh, so you're the astonishing artist! I'm really sorry I never asked you to use this, but when this was in the making, I had to find a good cover art for it to give it a bit more attention. Thank you very much for even thinking about visiting this little humble story. :3
2153705
No problem! Use it to your heart's content. I'm just glad you liked it enough to use it even if the drawing's a little old.
Also, my username is not KYMSnowball. It's KYMSnowman! Hahaha!
2153891
Sorry 'bout that.
Grammar Nazi's.
"Did I also mention that in the end, Con Mane gets covered in mares?
Indeed he was. For, you see, Con Mane always gets all the mares. Always."
LOL! Best sentences in the whole fic!