> My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic
>  by Deyeaz
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> I - All Hell Breaks Loose
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic


I - All Hell Breaks Loose


"Sly! Come in! SLYYY! Do you read me?!?!" Bently's voice boomed through the Binoc-U-Com's earpiece.

"Yeah, I read you, Bentley," Sly grimaced, twisting his pinkie in his ear from the sheer volume of his reptilian friend's outcry. He had nearly fallen off of his lookout post on a water tower near the Paris Police Station. "Loud and... Well, really loud."

"Sorry about that, Sly. This operation has me a little bit on edge... We are breaking into Dimitri's lair, after all."

"Suck it up, Bentley. You're safe in the getaway van! I'm the thief here; I have to steal the Crimson Diamond from Dmitri's hideout before he uses it for something terrible!"

The Crimson Diamond was a powerful gem that was capable of destroying anything that stood in the user's path, amplified by only the user's touch.

"Alright, Sly...." Bentley groaned. "Just remember to always stick to the shadows when you infiltrate Dmitri's hideout. Those lizard guards sure do look violent tonight."

"Gotcha."

"And don't forget that I'm at the wheel, Sly!" Murray interjected. It was always good to hear the cheery purple hippopotamus. "All you gotta do is nab that Diamond, and we'll take care of the rest!"

"Nice. Keep that engine running, Murray. I'll be down in no time!" With that, Sly turned off the Binoc-U-Com and placed it in his backpack. He scanned his surroundings with sharp brown eyes, looking for something that could help him progress. He spotted a possible path: a horizontal flagpole some five meters away from him with a tall telephone post about a meter past it.

Sly took a few careful steps back on the water tower before dashing towards his target, making his jump at the very edge of the tower's roof. He stuck out his family's cane and hooked it onto the flagpole, swung on it a couple of times to gather some momentum, then unhooked his cane and arced through the air, landing agilely upon the narrow telephone post.

From his new perch, Sly noticed three telephone cables running from pole to pole one of which veered off to an abandoned warehouse near the docks. The warehouse had boarded-up windows, guards patrolling the entrances... and a sunroof that was left wide open.

It was Dmitri's hideout, alright.

Sly leapt off of the pole and twisted in the air, the head of his cane leaving behind a golden trail as it spun with him. He came in contact with the wire and began running along it with the dexterity of a tightrope walker, keeping low to avoid a guard's spotlight, which whipped around to see a telephone wire wobble and a gray-and-black striped tail whizz by.

"Ssstay alert," the guard hissed towards his companions. "There could a be sssneaky little prowler on the premisssesss ...."

"Never goes EXACTLY according to plan..." mused Sly, fixing his navy blue beret securely upon his head. At last he had reached the open sunroof of the warehouse. He crept inside the warehouse and landed softly upon a large blood red Persian rug. Standing not two feet away from Sly was  a glass case, cradling the Crimson Diamond within it's silicate walls.
"Nice," said the thief, relishing the lack of security for the Diamond itself. He swung his cane viciously at the glass case, shattering it with ease.

*ERRRRR!... ERRRRR!... ERRRRR!*

"Dang it!" Sly exclaimed as he swiftly snatched the Crimson Diamond, threw it into his backpack, and left the Cooper Family Symbol - a masked raccoon - where the Diamond previously sat, "How could I forget about the alarm?!"
Sly knelt down into a squatting position before springing up to the sunroof, stretching his cane-arm as far as he could, and managed to hook onto the ledge. He scrambled up and booked it towards the getaway van, which was idling about fifty meters from him. He leapt onto the telephone cables again and bolted as fast as he could while maintaining his balance. He was halfway there... just a little more-

*BAAAAAANG*

*BZZZ-ZZZZ-ZZZZT*

Something had happened to Sly; Suddenly, he was plummeting into reservoir below, his body suddenly seizing up as agonizing jolts of electricity coursed through him. He could have sworn he saw a smokin'-hot vixen in a police uniform holding a large red pistol watching with a mischievous smirk as he went down. Only one thing was on his mind: he couldn't swim

"Another job taken care of," mumbled Carmelita Fox, holstering the Shock Pistol and clapping her hands free of nonexistent dust as she walked towards the scene of the crime.

"Kick, Sly, kick!"  the raccoon larcenist thought furiously as he lashed at the water. Alas, it was in vain. His body began to feel like lead from the strain of resisting the water's pull. The murky water began pulling him under, entering his mouth and filling his lungs. His struggles slowly came to a halt until, finally, he was still.

All was quiet.

All became black.





"Sly?" Bentley hollered into the Binoc-u-Com. "Sly?! Come in, Sly!"

"Bentley, what happened?!" asked Murray, chewing his fingernails anxiously.

"It's Sly! He's not picking up his Binoc-u-Com! You don't think he's-"

"No! Don't say that! Sly isn't dead!"

"Murray..."

"There's no way! Sly can't die!"

"MURRAY!" Once ensured silence, Bentley pushed his glasses up his nose and wheeled over to Murray, who sat down in a nearby chair, shaking his head in worry. "You have to accept it. It's not easy, but... you gotta."

Murray pulled Bentley into a crippling hug, tears threatening to blast forth from the fuchsia hippo's eyes.
> II - A Second Chance
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic
	

II - A Second Chance


"I'm dead. I'm dead! What the heck do I do!?"

Sly was beginning to stir. His eyelids fluttered weakly as he fought to regain consciousness. All at once, he remembered what happened, and leapt to his feet, his cane raised high to strike if the need arose. It didn't.

He lowered his cane, leaned casually on it, and scratched his chin, "Okay, let me see... I had gotten the diamond, I was almost home free... Then Carmelita spotted me... She shocked me, I fell into the water and then... I drowned."

"Funny... if this is what death is like... it doesn't seem so bad. Bit boring, though..." Sly examined his surroundings, finding nothing but blackness and swirling grey mist, casting an eerie air about the place. Nothing in any direction. Nothing of interest. Sly cradled his face in his hand as the weight of having actually died hit him, and nearly got a heart attack for his trouble. He could see clearly through his own hand.

His whole body was transparent. His eyes were wide as he waved his hand in front of his face in a vain effort to return some opacity to it. No such luck. Looking down, he noted bleakly that his feet were in a similar state; He could see the black surface that passed for the ground in this place through his shoes.

"Man, not only is the Feng Shui here awful,  the whole see-through thing is creepy. A bit overused too..." Sly mused.

"Well, well, well..." said a deep, smooth voice that seemed to eminate from nowhere, "What have we here...?"

For the second time in five minutes, Sly's heart almost failed him (Which would have been a neat trick, what with the whole being dead thing) as he whipped around, cane raised for a strike, to see a figure rising from the inky blackness of the "Ground", causing ripples to roll outward as though he were moving through liquid. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the figure stood before Sly, shrouded in black robes and carrying a large, rusty scythe in a single paper-white hand.

Death literally stood before Sly.

There was something ever so slightly off about Death; He wasn't made of bones, for one thing. By all appearances, he was some kind of hairless ape, with skin so pale one could swear he hadn't seen the sun in centuries. His teeth were off-white and unsettlingly sharp as he grinned hungrily at Sly. The feature that drew Sly's gaze the most however, were the holes where the reaper's eyes should have been. Dark, crimson lines that looked suspiciously like blood ran from the sockets, as though the reaper had been weeping blood.

"Hmm, let's see here..." Death's deep voice echoed through the emptiness as he leaned his scythe on one shoulder and gestured with one hand, causing a small clump of mist to converge into a large, black tome. Allowing it to fall open, Death mumbled to himself, "C... C... Cooper, Rioichi... Cooper, Sarah Ann... Ah, here we are, Cooper, Sly... Age, nineteen... Cause of death--" He closed the book with a loud, echoing snap "--Drowning."

"However, dear boy, your case is... Special. You died attempting to prevent a catastrophe. This is a rare occurrance. Only happens once every three decades or so... You should feel honored. Because of these circumstances, you have been granted a... reprieve. A second chance at life."

Sly, whose heart had been sinking with each consecutive word, perked up; A second chance at life? He could barely contain himself! Sly wanted to jump for joy at his good fortune! As it was, he couldn't prevent a large, goofy grin from spreading across his face.

Death, for his part, seemed less amused. "Calm yourself, child. Against my better judgement, you will be reincarnated. You may even choose the world upon which your new life will begin." Without so much as a flourish, Death raised his scythe and swung three times at nothing in particular. With ease that belied the pitted, rusted blade of the scythe, the implement tore through the blackness and mist with a noise reminescent of a knife tearing through canvas.

Death gestured at the slight rips his scythe had opened with a careless flick of his wrist; As though being held open by giant, invisible fingers the tears widened enough that Sly could easily see through them. Through the one on his left, he saw a mustachioed fat man using what appeared to be a water-powered jetpack to jump over tall obstacles and strange looking enemies.

The tear on his right depicted a green-clad dirty blonde creature riding a horse, carrying a shield and sword on his back, a glowing blue fairy buzzing merrily behind him as it attempted to keep up.

Though the tear straight ahead, he saw six bizarrely colorful ponies and a small draconic reptile, all frolicking merrily in a green field.

Sly thought long and hard about his choices. At least, as long and as hard as he could with the wholly terrifying reaper staring at him. In reality, it took roughly two minutes.

"Well," began Sly, surprised that his voice still worked as a ghost, "The one on the left seems to be a bit too dependant on water, and I think I got enough of THAT last time... The one on the right... That guy's got a sword. And a shield... Is that a bow? Way too dangerous. Plus, something about that fairy makes me want to stomp on it." The Reaper nodded. Apparently this was a common reaction.

"So I guess that leaves the one in the middle...  It looks safe... And colorful. I think my only danger there will be diabetes." Sly said with a helpless shrug, "Guess that's where I'm going."

"Are you sure?" asked Death, one of his empty eye sockets opening wider as he cocked an eyebrow. "This is the last chance to change your mind. Once you're in, you can't come back." Sly nodded in recognition. The Reaper continued, "Moreover, you may not like what happens when you arrive."

For a moment, Sly hesitated, second guessing his choice. It didn't take him long to reaffirm his decision, however. What point was there in going to a world of traps and danger? He'd lived that life last time, and all it got him was orphaned, shot at, and ultimately drowned.

Sly swallowed any further second thoughts, his muscles tensing as he braced himself for the purge, "I'm sure."

"If that is your decision..." The reaper snapped the fingers of his free hand, and the unchosen tears slowly closed and disappeared noiselessly. Stepping back from the remaining portal, Death gave a little bow and gestured with his free hand, "Onward to glory, my dear boy."

"Thanks," the master thief said.  Not knowing what to expect, Sly took a couple careful steps backward, then dashed towards the portal and leapt through.





"Whoo-wee!" Puffed Applejack, after bucking her twentieth apple tree of the day. Sweat was pouring down her face but, undeterred, she bucked yet another tree. The force of her hooves shook the tree violently and sent the fruit that it bore plummeting into the buckets. "If Ah keep this up, th' orchard'll be cleared in no time!"

"Eeyup," said Big Macintosh as he pulled a cart full of apples behind him. Their pet dog, Winona, was trotting happily along with them, giving them moral support and, every once in a while, pulling out bad apples as she saw them.

Applejack had raised her hooves to buck the next tree when something stole her attention, causing her to absentmindedly lower them back to the ground.

A navy blue and gray... blur… was tearing through the air, soaring towards the barn at a speed that would have made Rainbow Dash proud.

"What'n tarnation? What the hay was that thing?" The cowpony wondered as it crashed through the barn's roof with the sickening sound of splintering wood. With her barn's roof sufficiently destroyed, she decided she could put her work aside for a bit and investigate.

"C'mon, Winona, Big Mac!" shouted the farmer as she galloped towards the barn.

"Eeyup," responded the stoic stallion, untethering himself from the apple cart and racing after his sister.

"Arf! Arf!" Winona yapped as she ran after them, panting furiously.
> III - Not-So-Warm Welcome To Ponyville
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic
	

III - Not-So-Warm Welcome To Ponyville


Jumping out of that portal like that might not have been a good idea, thought Sly as he freefalled towards the barn at terminal velocity.

{SHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-} screamed the thief before he crash landed through the roof of the barn and into a soft pile of hay.

{Oof.... Never again, man,} groaned Sly as he pulled his face up out of his makeshift cushion. {That frickin' hurt.}

"Who's there?!" shouted a feminine voice at the entrance of the barn. Sly immediately burrowed under the hay and laid there, his heart hammering frantically in his chest. He wasn't just afraid of being discovered. Instead, he was afraid of the person who spoke: it was a foreign Western accent... and it was in a language Sly couldn't understand.

"Huh. Winona, sniff 'im out." said the voice again.

"Arf!" went the canine, who started sniffing the ground fervently in the attempt to catch the intruder.

{Please don't find me, please don't find me,} Sly whispered, lowering himself deeper in the hay in the hopes that he can remain hidden.

Suddenly, Sly was yanked up through the air by his tail. Something had grabbed him. No, bit him, on his tail and had pulled him out of his hiding spot.

"Already found 'em, sis." said a gruff and slightly muffled voice. He looked around and saw his captor: a red stallion with a dark blonde mane, and dark green eyes. Sly then looked around and saw an orange mare with a brown ten-gallon cowboy hat upon her blonde mane, brilliant green eyes, and three red apples on her flank, as well as a little brown dog that he guessed was called Winona.

{Hey! Let me go! Agh!} shouted the larcenist, who was squirming and wiggling like a worm in the stallions's oral clutches. He tried reaching for his cane, but no go: he was still a foot away from it. He looked at his hands and saw that... they WEREN'T hands. But rather, they were hooves, clad in the navy blue gloves that he loved swiping with. He examined his body and saw that he had hind legs, forelegs, a moderately thin gray body, and the Cooper Clan's emblem on his flank. His gray and black-ringed tail, mask, shirt, beret, and red backpack still remained, except the latter had two packs - one on each side - strung across his back.

"Good work, Big Mac. But I wonder why he's talkin' fancy like th-" 

She was cut off by a shout that came from the intruder.

{AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH} Sly screamed, surprised by his metamorphism. The muscular stallion, who Sly could only presume was called Big Mac, dropped him in shock. Sly grabbed his cane with his mouth and galloped ferociously towards the open barn door - how he ever managed to run on four legs, not to mention four foreign legs, when he preferred to use two was a total enigma to him, but he didn't care. He just wanted to get the heck out of here. He was almost there, just a few more paces-

*THWACK* 

Something hit Sly in the stomach with enough force to obliterate a tree, sending him flying into a post. He hit it with a horrifying thud and heard a sickening crack: one of his ribs had broken. He spat out his cane and immediately began coughing violently, blood being expelled from his mouth in little droplets onto the gold head and the brown shaft of the cane, presumably from the blow he suffered. He was shouting swears that would make the dirtiest sailor cringe at the orange mare in the cowboy hat, who was looking at him in fear at the result of what she had done.

"Oh, no," the mare said, running up to Sly and scooping him up onto his back. "Ah've gotta get 'im to Twilight's place, and fast!" Luckily, he wasn't heavy to the mare, making the hauling a lot easier than she'd thought. Unluckily, his rib began to shoot pangs of agony because of the pressure he was putting on it. 

{Argh! Stop it!} Sly wailed in pain. He was jostling on the mare's back as she galloped towards a town in the distance. He was beginning to lose consciousness from the pain: his vision swam before him, making everything blurry, and his brain began its shutdown mode.

"Ah'm sorry! Ah can't understand ya, but Ah can only assume yer in some serious pain!" the mare said.

"Applejack!" trilled a high voice. Sly glanced down and saw a yellow-coated filly pony with a red mane tied up in a big pink bow, running alongside the mare named Applejack. Her ember-colored eyes were alight with curiosity as she looked at Sly. "Where're ya goin'? And who's that?"

"Not now, Applebloom!" Applejack had said to the little filly christened Applebloom. "This pony's injured! Ah've gotta get 'im to Twilight's place! She's tha only one with magic that's strong 'nough to fix 'is rib! And she can cast a spell that'll help us understand 'im!"

{I don't... even know... what you're saying, woman!} replied Sly angrily and wearily. They sure as heck didn't speak any French, and he couldn't understand their unusual language either. His labored sentence was taking a toll on his health, as his lungs started to hurt: maybe the broken rib had began to cut into them a little bit.

"Ah cain't understand what'n tarnations yer sayin', sir! Just hold on a li'l bit longer!"

{Just........ stop......... talking....}

Sly was unconscious, laying limp on the mare's back as she trotted through the town to a huge hollow tree, which served as a house and a library. The farmer mare knocked on the door, the pony answering it was a bookish purple unicorn, a pink six-sided star that was surrounded with five white stars on her flank.

"Oh hey, Applejack!" greeted the unicorn, quite pleased to see her friend. "What's up?"

"Ah'll tell ya what's up, Twilight," responded Applejack. She turned and showed the unconscious form of Sly on her back. Twilight saw the blood trickling out of his mouth and the bruise on his side, causing her to gasp in shock.

"Quick, get him inside!" Twilight said worriedly. "He needs medical attention!" She turned to the little filly that stood next to Applejack, concern etched on her face. "Applebloom, do you think you can gather the others?"

"Ah'm on it, Twilight!" Applebloom said, puffing out her chest and raising her hoof in a salute. The little filly then trotted off into the distance to gather their friends.

"Please hurry."





"Shh!" "He's waking up!" "Quiet!" whispered some worried voices.

{Owwww.... that really hurt. So much for a new start in a new world.} Sly sat up in the extremely comfortable bed and cracked his neck, then rolled his shoulders back in place. He looked down and saw a bandage wrapped around his midriff: his rib must've been repaired while he was out cold. He was so immersed into his miraculous recovery that he didn't even pay any mind to a huge pair of bright blue eyes staring at him up close and personal until two seconds later.

{HOLY SH- Ow!} Exclaimed Sly, his profane word being intercepted with a fall to the floor as he tried to back away from the eyes. Laughter came from the ones that watched him with curiosity.

"Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie!" said a hyperactive pink mare. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Raccoon Stallion! Were you surprised when you woke up? Huh? Were ya, were ya, were ya, huh? Say, you must be new here! I can tell because I know every single pony in Ponyville, and I've never seen you before, so If you're new here, then that must mean you don't have any friends, and if you don't have any friends, you must lonely-wonely!" She then looked at him with sad, puppy-dog eyes. Sly couldn't understand a single syllable that this equine creature was saying, and he was scared out of his wits because of this. 

{What are you saying?!?!} He said in both fear and astonishment. They looked at him, bemused by what their newcomer had said. He wasn't sure how this mare had so much energy. He rubbed the place where he had fallen on his head with his hoof and discovered that something was missing: his beret and his mask were not on his head. His eyes were wide with apprehension. {Oh, no!} He looked around and saw them laying on the bedside table, along with his saddlebag.{Whew! that was a close one.} He put them on and went to grab his cane. 

Only one problem: his cane wasn't there.

{No, no, no, no, no!} He began looking around the area, looking for his weapon/tool. He began to panic, and the despair that his priceless heirloom was to be forever lost began to contaminate him like the plague... until a purple hoof was placed gently upon his shoulder. He looked around and saw that the hoof was connected to a purple... unicorn... with a really dark blue mane and tail. Her mane was styled to give her bangs, and it was accessorized with a purple and hot pink streak. 

"It's okay," coaxed the unicorn. Her amethyst-colored eyes looking at Sly pitifully. She gave him a reassuring smile. "Look," she began, enunciating her words like Sly was brain dead, "I'm going to do something that will help both us and you. I simply need you to relax, because if you don't, this might hurt a little bit. Okay?"

{Look, lady,} began Sly, his eyes going wider as the unicorn's horn began to glow and was placed on his forehead, {I need to find my cane. I have no time for th-}

*POOM! SHWOOSHWOOSHWOOSHWOOSHWOOSH-*

The glow that was surrounding the unicorn's horn was pulsating audibly from the base of the horn to Sly's forehead. Sadly, Sly wasn't prepared for it and the effects weren't exactly something that just "hurt a little bit".

{NNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!} he seethed, gritting his teeth as hard as he could. His brain was throbbing violently, his pupils dilating, his vocal chords felt like they were melting and reshaping themselves inside his throat. At least, that's what he thought it felt like. It took a lot of effort not to scream from the excruciating torture.

After about a minute of agony, the horn stopped glowing. The purple unicorn was breathing heavily, almost like some dog in heat. "I told you," she panted, "to relax. Didn't I?"

"Well, I didn't know what you were saying earlier, now did I?" Sly retorted. He clapped his hooves to his mouth like he just responded with something rude.

"Hey, I can understand you perfectly!" the unicorn said happily. She was a little surprised that the spell has succeeded.

"No kidding! I can understand you, also!"

"Oh, this is so exciting. Who knew that that spell would work on the first try? But where are my manners? I haven't even introduced you to my friends yet!" She raised her hoof, ready to point to the ponies that she was going to introduce. "That earth pony over there is named Applejack, and the little filly next to her is her sister, Applebloom-"

"Well, howdy do, sir," Applejack greeted as she tipped her hat at Sly.

"Hi-ya!" said Applebloom. "Oh, Ah jest remembered! Ah have something fer ya!" With that, she turned around and grabbed Sly's cane in her mouth. She walked over to him and dropped the cane in his outstretched hoof. He caught it in the crook of his foreleg and with great effort, he stood on his hind legs and leaned against the cane that stood at a slight tangent. "Ya left it back home'n the barn!" 

"Thanks, Applebloom! I was looking for this thing." Sly reached out with his free hoof and gave Applebloom's mane a little tussle. The filly was a little embarrassed, but she didn't mind too much.

"That cyan Pegasus up there with the rainbow-colored mane and tail is Rainbow Dash-" 

"Sup," Rainbow said, zooming over to Sly and raising her forehoof up for a hoofbump once she landed. Sly could only return the hoofbump gladly.

"The yellow Pegasus there is Fluttershy-"

"Oh. H-hello," Fluttershy mumbled quietly, almost to herself, judging from how meekly she had greeted. Sly waved at her. She appeared intimidated, because she backed away and hid behind her long, rose-tinted mane.

Now I know why the last syllable of her name is "Shy", mused Sly.

"The white unicorn next to you is Rarity-"

"Well, hello, darling," said Rarity, a unicorn with a spectacularly curled purple mane and tale and deep blue eyes. Her voice reminded Sly of the Atlantic, and how the men and women would always have accents like that. She extended her hoof out to him, signaling that she wants him to shake it. He had to get back on his for legs and oblige: it was rude to decline the greeting of a lady. "I daresay, dear, your tail looks magnificent!" She was picking up his tail and examining it with adoration. "I say, are these rings natural by any chance, dear?"

"Well, yeah," answered the raccoon-stallion, looking at his long ring tail and swishing it back and forth. "How'd you know?"

"Well, I do know quite a bit about fashion, dear. Please come by the Carousel Boutique when you get an opportunity. I'll finally have an excuse to have male models in my shop!" She had let go of Sly's tail, but she was still eyeing it with interest.

"This is Pinkie Pie." the purple unicorn said, pointing with her hoof to a pink pony munching on a cupcake with a bottle of hot sauce in her other hoof. "She's hyperactive some of the time, so watch out for her."

"SOME of the time?" said Sly with a look of disbelief at what she had said. "THAT... is an understatement."

"Yepper-pepper!" trilled Pinkie, bouncing over to Sly on her four hooves and stretching one of them out for a hoofshake, which Sly half-heartily accepted, and he saw why in a couple of seconds: Pinkie noticed Sly's tail and immediately made a grab for it. "AWWW!" She squealed as she nuzzled her face deep into the tail. " Just look at his ring tail, everypony! It's just soooo soft and CUTESY-WOOTSEY!"

"Hey! Let go of my tail!" Sly spat (not literally) at the bouncing quadruped as he whipped his tail out of her grasps. 

"Pinkie, control yourself, please," the purple unicorn scolded. Pinkie sat there on her haunches, looking like some poor defeated puppy dog... which a really poofy hot pink mane and tail. "This here is my number one assistant, Spike. He's a dragon." She said those last three words with a very slight hint of pride.

"How ya doing?" the dragon said, waving at Sly. Sly could help but stare at the dragon with amazement: never before had he seen a mythological creature like this. Even though Spike was still two or three feet tall, that didn't change the fact that Sly thought that the purple dragon with green spines and facial fins was pretty cool.

"Meh. Can't complain," he responded coolly, returning Spike's wave.

"And I'm Twilight Sparkle. It's nice to meet you." Twilight held out her hoof with a joyous smile. Sly felt an internal pang of disgust at the mention of the name: it reminded him of a certain literary abomination back on Earth, and the annoying fans that practically worshiped it. Nonetheless, he was determined to be as friendly as possible. Besides, maybe the name was just a coincidence.

"It's nice to meet you too, Twilight. The name's Sly. Sly Cooper." He took her hoof and shook it.

"Sly... Cooper..." Twilight liked the way his name rolled off of her tongue. "It's a very nice name, Sly."

"Th-thanks, Twilight." The masked stallion with the raccoon tail couldn't help but blush a tiny bit at the complement, pink standing out against the gray.

"AAAAAAAWWWWW," squealed the pink mare called Pinkie Pie as she got in between the two of them, bouncing up and down around them on her hooves while singing "Sly's in love with Twilight! Sly's in love with Twilight!" in a "na-na-na-na-naa-naa" kind of tone.

"Pinkie!" Twilight wailed, obviously tired of the hyperactive party goer's obnoxious antics. "Cut it out!"

"W-what?!" said Sly defensively, his gray cheeks burning even pinker from Pinkie's banter. "No, I don't! Besides, we just met!"

"Yeah!" The studious unicorn's cheeks were also searing a light red as her eyes kept darting from Pinkie to Sly and back to Pinkie. "Besides, it's not like I'll just instantly fall in love with a stallion I haven't met!"

"Mm-hmm!"

"Deniiiaaalll," Pinkie hummed matter-of-factly while hanging upside-down from the ceiling. Sly did a double take at Pinkie's defiance of gravity and his jaw dropped. "Now KISS!" She placed her fore hooves behind Sly's and Twilight's heads and pushed them closer together until their foreheads collided ("Ow!"). Twilight's horn knocked over Sly's beret, revealing his gray boyishly styled mane. Their muzzles were scrunched up against one another. They looked into each others eyes for a fraction of a second and backed away quickly. The two of them glared daggers at Pinkie, who had landed neatly in front of them.

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrr," rumbled both Sly and Twilight, the two of them irritated by Pinkie's persistence.

"Is it always like this here?" Sly asked Twilight, concerned that his choice for reincarnation might have somewhat been in vain.

"Well, no. Only when Pinkie's around." The studious unicorn answered. Sly just simply went "Huh", showing that he understood.

"Well, Ah gotta admit, Twi and Sly," mused Applejack, liking the fact that the two names rhymed. "You two DO look cute together."

"Oh, no, not you too!" Twilight groaned. These foals must be enjoying themselves, she thought angrily.

"Well, what's wrong with that?" wondered Rainbow Dash, who had given Sly a small slap on the back. "I think he's kinda cool: It'd be awesome if you went out with him!"

"Why, yes, indeed!" Rarity wedged in. "Sure, Sly could use a bit of a wardrobe change - that blue and yellow combination appears ghastly on him - but the two of you would be adorable together!" She got starry-eyed at the thought of the two of them being in a relationship.

"Yeah!" chipped in Applebloom, gazing at Twilight and Sly with her orange eyes. "Ya sure do!"

"O-oh, yes!" added Fluttershy, smiling at the idea that the two of them got married and had children. "Think of all the adorable, little baby foals you two could have...."

"Oh, come ON!" Sly wailed in agitation as he threw his forelegs up in the air. He was getting aggravated by all their opinions. "Lalalalalaaaa I can't hear you!" Twilight had clamped her hooves shut on her ears in an attempt to block out all of the girls' voices.

"C'mon, everypony," Spike intervened, raising a clawed purple hand in front of the five mares and the filly. "Just leave them alone."

"Awwwwwww," groaned the six of them, disappointed that their banter had to come to a sudden halt.

"Thanks, Spike," Twilight said to her assistant, rubbing his head with her right hoof affectionately.

"Say, Sly, why d'ya have a raccoon fer a Cutie Mark?" wondered Applebloom. Sly noticed, upon inspection, that Applebloom didn't have a "Cutie Mark" on her flank.

"What's a Cutie Mark?" Sly had no idea what this silly name was or what it did.

"Are you kidding me?" snapped Rainbow incredulously. "You don't know what a Cutie Mark is, and yet you have one?"

"A Cutie Mark is a symbol that appears on your flank when you find out what your special talent is, Sly," answered Twilight almost instantly. "It's what defines you, what makes you unique... what makes you you."

"Huh...." Sly slowly began to understand the concept of a Cutie Mark. He looked down at his flank to gaze upon the masked raccoon, the Cooper Clan's crest. He glanced at the other ponies, and noticed different Cutie Marks on their flanks: Rarity had three blue diamonds; Pinkie had three balloons, two blue and one yellow; Fluttershy had three pink-winged butterflies; Twilight had a hot pink six-sided starburst, surrounded by five white stars; Applejack had her three red apples; Rainbow Dash had a cloud with a blue, yellow, and red lightning bolt jutting out of it.

"Well then... I guess my Cutie Mark not only signifies my clan... but it also shouts "I'm a thief" in a way." The stallion with the coon tail joked.

"Clan? Thief? Whaaaat?" said Pinkie, confused by it all.

"Oh, Pinkie," Sly sighed. "Gather around, everybody-"

"Everypony," interrupted Rainbow, who sat on her haunches along with the others.

"Nooo... Spike's here."

"Oh," The chromatic-haired mare smiled awkwardly at the realization of her mistake.

"Anyways, sit down, you guys," Sly resumed. "You may not believe what I have to tell you....

"Before I came here to... Ponyville, right?" He remembered Pinkie's rushed greeting from earlier, and the seven ponies and dragon nodded. "Okay. Before I came to Ponyville, I was living on a beautiful, yet dangerous place called Earth, in a town known as Paris in a country called France. That's why we couldn't understand each other: I spoke French, and you spoke... English, I think. Yeah, English. Back on Earth, I was an actual raccoon." Three-quarters of the audience were open-mouthed in fascination. "I was a master thief, which ran in the Cooper family's blood. This Cutie Mark and my cane indicate that I am of of the Cooper Master Thief Clan. We specialize in stealing from only criminals. Besides, there's no honor, no challenge, no fun in stealing from ordinary people. But on the night I was going to inherit my family book, the Thievius Raccoonus, five enemies known as the Fiendish Five came to our house and killed my father, despite his best effort to protect us. They stole the Thievius Raccoonus and traveled around the world to commit dastardly crimes.

"Broke and alone, I was to be dumped at the town orphanage, where I met my lifelong buddies and trusted crew: Bentley and Murray. With their help, I succeeded in defeating the Fiendish Five and reclaimed the Thievius Raccoonus, while beating many other criminals that threatened the world along the way. Sure, I've had some hindrances along the way, like Ms. Carmelita Fox and her police squad, but I've managed to get past them all without batting an eye.

"But one night, when trying to steal a precious artifact known as the Crimson Diamond from my nemesis named Dmitri, the operation got botched, resulting in my death. However, in the valley of death, the Grim Reaper spoke to me, and told me that I was allowed a second chance at life as something else, so I chose this world. Thus bringing an end to my story."

All of them looked at Sly in shock, awe, and disbelief. Sly caught on to this and told them off about it. "You think I'm crazy... I can see in the look of your eyes, all of you. You think my story's impossible. I don't blame you, though: who wouldn't have been driven crazy by the horrors that I had seen? But I assure you all... every word of it is true."

There was a pregnant silence that followed after Sly finished speaking.

"Well, Sly," Twilight finally said, breaking the silence from carrying on any longer. "If you're new to Ponyville, I guess that means you deserve a tour of the town." She looked up at the sky through her circular window and saw the Sun glow orange as it sunk below the horizon and ushered in the night. "But it'll have to wait for tomorrow, I'm afraid."

"What?" blurted the coon-stallion. "But raccoons are noh... noh...nocturnal!" He tried and failed to suppress a huge yawn in the middle of his sentence. 

"You're not a 'creature of the night' anymore, Sly," Rainbow said as she left with Pinkie, Rarity, Fluttershy, and the Apple sisters outside of the building that Spike, Twilight, and Sly now occupied.

"Rainbow's right, Sly," agreed Twilight as she levitated the suddenly tired master thief with her magic onto the guest bed that stood adjacent from her own bed. "You're a pony, and nothing else." She uncovered the covers and threw them over him. Sly wiggled around to get more settled into the mattress and in under a minute, he was sleeping like a newborn foal.

"Seriously, though, Twi," said Spike, getting comfortable in his own small basket bed, "You don't like him, like, 'like him' like him, right?

Twilight chuckled a bit at the dragon's question. "No, Spike," she answered as she got into bed herself. Spike, pleased by the response, turn away in his bed and fell victim to the hypnotism of slumber. Twilight sat up in her bed and gazed fondly at Sly. She liked his quiet breathing, his occasional ear twitch, and how his mask was turn to the side to block out unwanted light.

"Besides.. it's way too early for the that."





A-Stal (the author): Whew! So many things prevented me from making this chapter! Thank you, Kindle Fire! Anyways, sorry if some of you don't approve of the TwiSly romance (SlyLight sounded a little stupid), but you can't expect someone surrounded by mares his age to not have one of them go a little head over heels for him. I also apologize for if the chapter felt a little rushed.
> IV - Are ALL Griffins A Bunch Of A-Holes?(Slightly Revised)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic


IV - Are ALL Griffins A Bunch Of A-Holes?


Sly awoke from his dreamless slumber, the light of the Sun shining right down onto his muzzle. The warmth it projected made his nostrils warm and itchy, ergo, causing him to sneeze. He placed his hooves over his mask and turned it around so that it could act as an actual mask rather than a blindfold. He sat up in his bed and put on his navy blue beret once more, getting out of bed afterwords. He started sifting through the contents of his saddlebag: the Thievius Raccoonus; his Binoc-U-Com, and his rPod. He pulled out the latter, hoping that he could go and get some exercise while listening to his favorite tunes. He looked back into his bag and his heart dropped into his stomach at what he saw.

Or what he didn't see: the Crimson Diamond.

"What in blazes?!" He said, panicking as he paced the room looking for the small yet destructive gem. "Where is it?!" He looked around and saw that neither Twilight nor Spike were in their beds. This brought even more worry to Sly, but nevertheless, he grabbed his cane and went downstairs to the main room of the library with great difficulty - having to walk down a flight of stairs with three hooves would somewhat be the equivalent of doing a handstand down a hill: trying to keep your balance would be near impossible. His worry was brought to a screeching halt, however, when the enticing scent of food began to waft from the kitchen and smack him straight in the nose, the very smell of it was intoxicating to Sly. He pushed open the slightly ajar door and spotted Twilight trotting around the kitchen floor, pulling out ingredients from their cupboards and putting them in a pot on the stove as she went. Spike was sitting at the table, eating a blood-red gem like it was a mere apple.

Wait a minute, Sly thought as the dragon finished off the rest Crimson Diamond in one swallow. Oh, no... he's gone and eaten it!

"SPIKE!" Sly shouted at the dragon, who had nearly choked on the Diamond in surprise and fear. "Dude, why'd you eat that?! That was a priceless object!"

"What?" Spike said defensively. "I got up this morning and I smelled something good coming from your bag! Next thing I knew, I was just munching on it!" Melancholy contaminated him like the flu, and Spike looked down at the floor like he had disappointed somepony. "I'm sorry, Sly."

D'AAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW, thought Sly, feeling like he had gone a little too far with his yelling. "That's OK, Spike," he finally said after a minute's worth of silence. He sat down in front of Spike on a tree stump that served as a platform that ponies could sit on in a prone position. "That gem was trouble, anyways. Did you know that if it fell into the wrong han-, I mean, hooves, it could bring destruction to the world?" He said this bit of information in a casual tone, almost like he was announcing today's weather prediction.

"W-WHAT?!?!" both Twilight and Spike wailed; Twilight nearly lost her telekinetic grip on their breakfast, and Spike fell backwards out of his tree stump of a chair and landed on his back and head with a resounding *bonk*. Sly wanted to laugh at their reactions and how ridiculous their faces looked, but the truth shouldn't have to be a laughable concept. 

"Yep, it's true. That gem, known as the Crimson Diamond, was one that was rank with both stunning beauty... and acopalyptic abilities. I literally gave my life when I stole that thing."

"Oh, Celestia!" Twilight exclaimed as she bit her forehoof and placed the bowls of food on the tabs, which was also a tree stump, yet wider in diameter. She sat down on the platform next to Sly and placed a hoof on his shoulder. "That must have been awful!"

Sly placed his hoof on hers and glanced at her: she was blushing outrageously at his touch, and was gazing at him sorrowfully, like it was somewhat her fault that he was in this colorful world of quadrupedal creatures.

"No, it's not too bad," He told her, removing her hoof from his shoulder. "I do miss my friends, though. Heck, I even miss my enemies, now that I think about it." He looked gloomily into his bowl's contents, which looked a lot like porridge with flower pedals in it. "By the way, who's this Celestia pony you mention earlier?"

Spike almost choked again for the second time. Twilight was shocked. "What do you mean, 'who's this-" she let her sentence drop midway, because she suddenly remembered last night. "Oh... you're not from here... right." She smiled sheepishly at the coon-pony.

"You don't say?" Sly said flatly, his eyes half shut as he looked at Twilight, his tone drenched in sarcasm. He decided to have faith in Twilight's cooking skills and dip his tongue into the porridge (Twilight almost gasped at how long his tongue was). His eyes went wide with how amazing it tasted, and he immediately began lapping it up like some starved dog. Twilight and Spike couldn't help but snort in their own porridge bowls when they took noticed to Sly's eating behavior.

"Ahhh," the master thief exhaled, the warm porridge making him drowsy again. "Thank you for the breakfast, Twilight." He called as he walked out of the kitchen and into the main room of the library, examining all of the books with a look of wonder. Books about magic spells, romance, history, science fiction, and even this weird genre called "clop-fiction" swarmed him like benign honey bees. 

"I see that you like it here?" Asked a voice. Sly turned and saw Spike leaning against a table in the middle of the room. How the portly reptile managed to get there without alerting Sly was beyond the latter, but it didn't matter. He had to answer the question.

"Er, yeah," he replied. Using his hooves and some tricky manuevering, Sly managed to hook the headphones of his rPod around his neck and pressed play on one of his favorite songs: "Decadence" by Disturbed. Soon, the room was filled with the faint sound of heavy metal.

"Say... what's that?" Spike questioned, his claw pointing at the media machine in Sly's hoof.

"This?" The coon-pony said as he gave his rPod a little jerk. "This is an imitation of a media-playing device called an iPod back on Earth. I gave it the name, 'rPod'. My friend Bentley made this for me on my 17th birthday, because I sure as heck couldn't walk into a store and buy a regular iPod when I've got a bounty on my head." Spike gave a little chuckle at Sly's little joke. "The rPod acts exactly like an iPod: it lets you listen to music, watch films, and even do a voice recording. Only difference is who created it, and the logo." With that, he flipped the rPod in his hoof and caught it, then flashed the back of it to Spike. On the back of the rPod was a symbol that looked precisely like Sly's Cutie Mark: a masked raccoon.

"But how does it work?" blurted Twilight, who had walked into the room, having overheard his explanation with his musical device.

"Well, like the iPod, the rPod must be connected to this thing called a computer - which is this really powerful electronic device that can be used for business, education, and entertainment purposes - with an electric cord. The songs and films stored on the computer can be transferred to the rPod through that chord, and boom! Instant music and movies!"

"Wow," said Twilight and Spike, both of them starry-eyed over the advancement in technology in Sly's world. "That's amazing!"

"I thank you kindly, sweet ma'am," Sly said in a fancy tone, feigning a bow to Spike and giving a kiss to Twilight's "royal hoof". She giggled like a school filly and her cheeks burned an even more intense shade of pink.

"Oh, stop, kind sir," the lavender unicorn said in a formal imitation, faking a curtsy of her own and playing along with the joke like they were old friends. "And they say the age of chivalry has passed!"

...What the buck is this? Spike thought, trying his best - and failing - to push the scene into the deep and dark recesses of his mind and lock it inside a massive treasure chest.

"Uh, anyways," Sly finally said, after a couple moments of laughter between the two of them. "Ya wanna go for a walk around the town?"

"Sure!" Twilight agreed, with almost no hesitation. "I'd like that!"

I'd love that, actually, she mused dreamily to herself.





"Get out of my way, pipsqueak!"

"O-oh, goodness!" Fluttershy whimpered, backing away in terror from her oppressor. "I-I'm s-so sorry, G-Gilda!"

"You better be sorry! 'Cause the next time you get in my way, I'll really bring the hurt!" Gilda then shrieked her griffin shriek as loud as she could, blowing back Fluttershy's mane like she was caught in a tornado.

"HEY!" bellowed a scratchy voice from atop a cloud. Rainbow Dash had jumped off of her cloud and landed neatly in front of Gilda, staring daggers into her ex-friend's cruel yellow eyes with her magenta-hued ones. "Leave... Fluttershy... ALONE!"

"Oh, yeah?" the griffin threatened, grabbing Rainbow like she was a twig. The athletic Pegasus tried to wiggle from her clawed grasp, but with no results. "And what are you gonna do, Rainbow CRASH?"

Her question was gladly answered with a mind-rattling blow to the top of her head. 

She dropped Rainbow in pain, who flew off to go after Fluttershy (who had run away crying from Gilda's assault). The griffin looked around and saw who had hit her. Two ponies and a dragon were there. She recognized the purple lizard and his bookish friend of a unicorn, but her eye caught the Earth Pony that stood in the middle. He was standing on his hind legs with a menacing-looking cane in his right hoof as his raccoon tail was swishing from side to side. He also had some weird-looking blue ornament around his neck, like it was a circlet with round ends, and strange black wires trailing from the ends. His face was shrouded with a black eye mask and a shadow that was casted by his blue beret, but she saw his brown eyes. She saw how their usual warmth and comfort could be replaced by bone-chilling wrath and malevolence in an instant.

"That," hissed Sly, gritting his teeth as he looked at the enemy of his newly found companions.

"Who the hell are you?!" Gilda screamed at her new opponent. She raised up her eagle talon and made a horizontal slash at him. Sly saw it coming and leaped into the air, throwing down his cane into the earth as he twisted in the middle of a backflip. The shaft of his tool-like weapon was planted into the earth, and Sly landed on the golden crook of his cane with his hind legs, his forehooves cocked back behind him like a ninja prepared to strike.

Whoa! thought Twilight in fascination to the graceful display. Who knew he could do something that amazing?

"Ugh! Now you've really gone and pissed me off!" Gilda huffed, trying to buck Sly with her lion paws. The coon-pony backflipped again off of the cane and landed right behind it. He pulled it out of the ground and got into a defensive stance once more. The griffin was furious that she had missed, but she was all the more determined to fight back.

That's the thing about this ugly beast, Sly pondered as he gracefully evaded another claw attack from Gilda. She's a bully, not an actual brawler. She can't handle the heat I'm packing on her.

"Why... can't... I... HIT YOU!?!?" the griffin shrieked as her slashes were parried for the fifth time so far by Sly's cane. She tried to bring another claw down upon him, but it was met with a sudden halt: Sly had grabbed her wrist in mid-swipe.

"Who ARE you?" she huffed, exhausted from all of her failed attempts to injure him.

"Who am I? I think you know.... I'm... sure... you've seen in me in your worst nightmares." He whispered in a deadly tone. He threw off the claw that he had caught, leaving a scared and stunned Gilda defenseless. He spun on his hind hooves and brought the convex side of his cane into her eagle neck, almost breaking it on contact. Gilda was sent flying off to the side and crashing into a nearby fruit cart. Sly tucked his cane comfortably into the strap of his saddlebag and went back walking on his four hooves again. "Good riddance," he spat. He had seen loss and bloodshed blossom before him long ago, so an injured creature was almost nothing to him as he stared at her unconscious body.

"Whoa, Sly!" shouted Spike, who immediately ran up to him afterwards. "You were all BAM! Then WHOOSH! And then BAM again! How did you do that?"

"Let's just say I had some training in fighting, Spike," Sly answered simply.

"That... was... AMAZING!" Twilight squealed, her eyes wide with astonishment. She tackled him in a massive hug. Sly thought it was awkward for two ponies to share an embrace, especially with hooves and extra joints, but he shrugged the awkwardness off like a boss.

"Um..." Sly began as he pulled himself out of Twilight's arms. The latter was disappointed that her hug couldn't have gone on any longer, but she could do it another time. "So, do you wanna continue with the tour?"

"Oh, of course," the studious unicorn answered. 

And so they resumed their objective, with Spike having a male role model at long last, Twilight having optimistic hopes that she finally received a coltfriend sent down from the sky - no pun intended, and Sly having a sense of excitement at what other possible dangers and wonders that await him.



 

Author's note: Sorry about the delay you guys. Unfortunately, my Internet was shut off, ergo leaving me no choice but to go to a coffee shop and use their Wi-Fi. Oh, and enjoy the link I posted up. :D
> V - A Party For A New Hero
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic

V - A Party For A New Hero



"Will you please shut off that infernal racket?" Twilight pleaded, her eardrums on the verge of bleeding from Sly's hard rock music. He, she, and Spike had taken a rather time-consuming stroll around Ponyville after ensuring that Gilda was sent to an infirmary (Sly pickpocketed her while he was carrying her with Twilight and Spike when they weren't looking; he got a small pouch full of gold coins known as "Bits" from the griffin). They let Sly get familiar with his environment. He was a little astounded by every detail that he saw: the Town Hall, the mountain that held the royal city Canterlot, Pinkie's Sugarcube Corner, Rarity's Carousel Boutique, Fluttershy's treehouse-cottage, Applejack's Sweet Apple Acres, even the clouds that Rainbow Dash was pushing and kicking away like they were... well, clouds.

"Well, don't blame me because you're not a fan of the music I like," he deadpanned without skipping a beat. He slipped his headphones back onto his head and cranked the volume up a little bit more, headbanging to Breaking Benjamin's "Blow Me Away". Spike could hear the rock music blaring from the thick plastic headphone cups and couldn't help but bang his head along with Sly, the latter glancing down at the former and suppressing a guffaw: Spike resembled one of those hardcore motor-babies back on Earth, except he was scaly and really was a baby.

Even over the music blasting out across the vicinity - which caught many an eye from the residents of Ponyville - and Twilight's slightly frustrated groans, they could hear and feel their bellies growling in hunger, clearer than daylight.

"Yyyyyeah, we're famished," Spike huffed, rubbing his scaly cream-colored abdomen.

"Well, Sugarcube Corner is a couple of minutes from here," Twilight said reassuringly. "Maybe we could grab a pastry or something?"

"Sure," Sly agreed as he removed his headphones and paused the song. He began to try and find the proper words to say next. "But maybe I can wait outside of the shop and stretch my limbs? I think I'm gonna need the exercise."

"O-oh. Sure, Sly," The purple unicorn said in a downtrodden voice. She was really hoping that they could share a pastry between the two of them, maybe even a milkshake if she was quite lucky. Sly still saw through her upset manner through her seemingly-happy complexion and strode over to her. He gave her a sympathetic pat on her back and smiled at her.

"Don't worry, Twi," he said reassuringly. "Now let's go get some sweets, eh?" He ended his sentence by pulling out the coin bag from his saddlebag and gave it a little shake. The Bits inside emitted a soft little jingle.

"Sly?" Spike said nervously, eyeballing the Bits Bag. "Where'd you get those?"

"Nicked 'em from that griffin broad," Sly answered casually. Twilight's jaw dropped, and Spike looked like he was about to collapse onto his librarian caretaker.

"Sly! Don't you know it's illegal to steal from somepony?!" She wailed. More of the Ponyvilleans stared at the scene. Some temporarily paused at the scene, but they all just resumed with what they were doing and minded their own business.

"First off, Twi, she's not a pony. She's some mythological creature that was sent from the blackest pits of Hell, or Tartarus, or whatever realm of despair and suffering you all believe bad ponies go when they kick the bucket to torture us into oblivion. Besides, did you see what she did to Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash?"

"Good point, but still! Thievery's a serious crime here!" Twilight interrupted. She was scared for Sly. She was afraid that Princess Celestia would be informed of this and would have to send Sly into exile. It was nearly impossible for her to bare the separation.

"What the f... my family is comprised of master raccoon thieves!" Sly was a little incredulous that her mare of a friend did not remember last night's conversation. "Ergo, it's not illegal... to me. Especially not when the victim is a criminal."

"Whaddaya mean?" Twilight was curious as to how Gilda was a criminal.

"I saw her Wanted Poster on the Bulletin Board while we were taking her to the hospital. She has a huge bounty on her head for transporting illicit drugs across the kingdom. 400 Bits for her lion arse in the slammer."

Spike and Twilight gasped. Sly gave the Bit bag one more shake and continued with his little skit. "Besides, she won't be needing this where she's going."

"Still, you could get into some serious trouble, Sly!" Spike said worriedly. He didn't want to see his new role model locked up behind bars in some godforsaken dungeon.

"Don't worry about me, you guys," he assured them again as they finally reached the double doors of Sugarcube Corner. They pushed the doors ajar and stepped inside, only to be visited with an extremely rare and frightening scene. 

Three unicorns, a mare and two stallions all donned in black shirts, complete with black capes and black masks, were holding up old-fashioned musket pistols at the sweet shop owners: a short, plump, turquoise mare - who was named Mrs. Cake after Sly took a half-second glance at her name tag - with a stylishly done pink mane and tail, both adorned with a white stripe, and Pinkie Pie, whose own mane and tail had laid flat and straight, tears shining in her eyes and threatening to fully escape from their ducts. They were racked with apprehension.

"Empty out your registers! NOW!" the scarlet mare in the middle shouted at the two defenseless ponies behind the counter. 

"Every single bucking Bit, got it?!" the green stallion on the right roared as he willed his pistol closer to the two mares.

"Duhh... yeah! Do it!" said the gray unicorn robber on the left stupidly.

"Sly!" Spike whispered to the master thief. "Do something! Quick!"

"Got it!" Sly mouthed back to the dragon. He then glanced at Twilight; fear had struck her like an immense lightning bolt. He gave her a nod, gulped, and walked over to the three burglars. He tapped the gray one on his shoulder with his cane.

"Huh? Hey, who'r-"

*POW*

The weakest link took Sly's weapon to the muzzle and was sent flying over the heads of Pinkie and Mrs. Cake, crashing into the wall and sliding down to the laminate tile floor of the bakery, unconscious. The remaining two burglars willed their pistols towards Sly and opened fire upon him. 

Twilight gasped as Sly dodged the bullets, but they were zooming towards her at a ferocious speed. She managed to raise up a force field with her magic before the balls of lead could leave a big hole in her cranium. Spike was hyperventilating and gritting his teeth, unsure whether to run away from the danger or to help Sly fight the bandits.

Sly jumped over to the green stallion and twisted in midair. When he came down, he brought his hind leg down upon the burglar's head, which slammed onto the ground with a violent tremor. He was also out cold.

Two morons down... one left, Sly mused wickedly. He whipped towards the red mare, who was backing away as Sly advanced. She hit the wall and began sinking onto her haunches, her eyes constricting with fear.

"Please don't hurt me!" She cried, on the verge of bawling like some scared baby filly.

Time to have a little bit of fun, the coon-pony thought to himself. He used the inner crook of his cane to bring her face so close to his that their eyes were almost millimeters from connecting. He breathed in heavily, glared at her menacingly and said one short, simple word.

"Boo."

The mare slumped to the floor, fainting from it all. Sly dug into his saddlebag and pulled out a coil of rope. In a matter of minutes, the three unconscious burglars were trussed up tighter than turkeys. 

"Jeez... what amateurs," Sly huffed as he tucked his cane back into his saddlebag strap and walked towards Mrs. Cake and Pinkie. "You ladies alright?"

"Oh, yes, good sir. Thank you so much for stopping those crooks," Mrs. Cake said, grateful that her store didn't get decimated from the battle.

"It was no prob- AGH!" He exclaimed. Pinkie, hair and tail reflating like some balloon gone haywire, had ran up to Sly at lightning-like speeds and tackled him in a massive hug. The force of the collision sent Sly and Pinkie tumbling to the floor.

"Oh, thankyouthankyouthankyouTHANKYOU!" The all-pink party goer said rapidly, hugging Sly as tightly as she could.

"Can't... breathe... let go!" The coon-pony muttered as he began flailing his arms. His face was near the shade of blue when Pinkie finally released him. Mrs. Cake, Twilight, and Spike were laughing raucously at Pinkie's actions. Twilight gave Sly a helping hoof and pulled him up off of the floor. As soon as he did, she wrapped her hooves around his neck and held on, her head resting on his shoulder as he returned the warm embrace. He couldn't help but smell the hypnotic scent of her mane. It reminded him off all the exotic berries he had come across on his adventures with Bentley and Murray. Oh, if only they were here....

"Kiss already, darn you!" Pinkie blurted out. She was obviously annoyed by the slow pace that the two were going at. She grabbed them by the back of their heads again, pulled them back so that Twilight's head wasn't on her crush's shoulder, and then pushed them against each other. Their lips made contact, alright. Sly could taste berries on her friend's mouth, and Twilight detected a faint taste of mint on his. They pulled away quickly after one second of their blissful connection, both of them embarrassed that others had seen it. They tried to look into each other eyes, yet turned away and blushed vigorously as they did so.

"Well, that was... interesting," Twilight said, her cheeks searing the brightest of pinks.

"Y-yeah," Sly said, his face burning bright as well.

"D'awwwwwwww!" Pinkie squeaked at her forced attempt to incite love between the thief and the librarian. Suddenly, the hyperactive pink quadruped's eyes got wider as she was visited with asudden idea. "Say, you know what this calls for?!"

"3... 2... 1..." Twilight, Spike, and Mrs. Cake counted down, like what Pinkie was about to announce was no surprise.

"A PARTY!!!!!"

Sly gulped nervously.





"Please!" Sly groaned in discomfort as he painfully swallowed his 47th cupcake. "NO MORE!" The party - known as the "Welcome-To-Ponyville-Thank-You-For-Stopping-Those-Burglars-And-Good-Job-On-Making-Twilight-Your-Marefriend" party - was in full swing. The citizens of Ponyville knew about Pinkie's notorious parties, and couldn't pass up the opportunity to attend it and see who she was congratulating while they were at it.

"Pfft. You lightweight!" Pinkie scoffed, downing her 184th cupcake like it was literally nothing.

"Pinkie, cut it out. I can feel my organs shutting down one by one," the coon-pony reasoned, clutching his stomach in pain. He jokingly winced and said, "Whoop. Speak of the devil, there goes my liver."

Everypony who heard Sly gave hearty chuckles all around. He was becoming quite the talk of the town: Lyra and Bon-Bon invited him over for tea tomorrow, Vinyl Scratch saw his rPod and nearly lost it when she saw the near 1700 songs on it, all of them ranging from hard rock and heavy metal to electronica, dubstep, and house (she really enjoyed Adventure Club's "Do I See Color"), the Mayor decided to give him a plaque in honor of displaying his heroism on four criminals in less than a day, Dr. Whooves was examining Sly's cane with curiosity of how it was so durable, Rarity had made Sly a new shirt, gloves, and a beret that were black and red instead of the usual blue and yellow, Applejack and Big Mac gave him a large apple pie, which Pinkie immediately consumed, and Applebloom and her friends Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle wanted to know how to get a Cutie Mark like his and if he could teach them how to get one.

"In time, little fillies," he answered falsely. Only the Cooper Clan could get their emblem in a Cutie Mark if they were ponies, but he didn't want to disappoint anypony. He gave their three manes a friendly tousle; Scootaloo looked a little annoyed at his playful gesture, Sweetie Belle was a bit embarrassed, but didn't seem to mind too much, and Applebloom practically loved it. She wasn't as tall as Sly, so the top of her head only reached his chest as she stood on her hind legs and hugged Sly around the neck, her short forelegs barely reaching each other behind his head.

"Thank ya so much, Sly! Yer one o' mah best friends, you know that?" she said with joy. Sly wrapped his foreleg around her back and returned the hug, a grin worming its way onto his face.

"Hey!" Sweetie Belle squeaked in anger.

"Ahem!" Scootaloo feign-cleared her throat, a little ticked off that Applebloom had possibly replaced them.

"Well, y'all're still mah bestest friends!" Applebloom reassured the two fillies sheepishly as she shot them an unconvincing smile. Sly let go of her and let her play with her friends, who seemed content that the Earth Pony hadn't booted them to second place on the friends list. He was a little glad to unwind from all the havoc that unfurled before him in under thirty minutes.

When suddenly...

"CONGA LIIIIIIIIINE!!!" Pinkie screamed at the top of her lungs. The whole entire crowd cheered as they got into a massive single-file line, forehooves grabbing the side of flanks as an Xavier Cugat mambo song began resounding from a phonograph that Mr. Cake had pulled out of the kitchen.

"Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-HEY! Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-HEY!..."

Man... my hyperactive ancestor B.F. Cooper would've gotten a kick outta her, Sly mused as she viewed Pinkie leading the conga line.

"She's a Sun Goddess, you know," said a familiar voice in his ear. Sly craned his neck and spotted Twilight, sitting on her haunches next to him as Mrs. Cake gave them a chocolate milkshake with two straws (Let's admit it, you all know why that is).

"Who, Pinkie Pie? 'Cause if she is, I want off this world," Sly said apprehensively. He did not want to have to worship some jittery pink equine for as long as he lived.

"No, silly! Princess Celestia!" Twilight chortled as she took a long draw from the milkshake.

"Oh. Right." He remembered her mentioning Celestia earlier in the library during breakfast. He decided to give the milkshake a try. The creaminess of the ice cream on it, topped with the silky-smoothness of the dark chocolate milk and its sweetness was enough to make Sly become addicted to it.

"She and her sister Princess Luna, the Moon Goddess, raise the sun and the moon every day and night."

"Huh. I guess that explains why the day past by rather quickly." Twilight nodded.

"Um... so, you wanna blow this popsicle stand?" Sly said suavely. Oh, how he loved those Western films he watched back in Paris.

"Sure thing," she agreed gratefully: the occupants of Sugarcube Corner was dwindling, mainly because the party had been going on for about nine hours now. With Sly's athletic abilities, he let Twilight ride on his back - she gave a little girly shriek in shock as she was atop him - and he performed his Invisibility Technique that he picked up from his ancestor, Slytunkhamen Cooper. Twilight gasped in surprise as she went invisible as well.

"How did you do that?" she questioned, curious how an Earth Pony could perform a feat of magic like that.

"Learned it back home," he responded plainly.

"Interesting." Twilight observed him closely as he pick up some of his presents and placed them in his saddlebag; she had to shift a little bit so that he could open the flap and stuff them in. They slipped out the door and climbed onto a roof top via a stack of crates. The party guest were none the wiser at the librarian and the master thief's disappearances.

"Hold on tightly," Sly said as he deactivated the invisibility move, standing up on his hind legs. Twilight slid a little bit down his back, but he caught her before she could drag him down. He looked at the clotheslines and lampposts that stood before him and saw their unexplainable blue auras that only Master Raccoon Thieves could see. She wrapped her forelegs around her neck and looked over his shoulder. Her pupils constricted as she noticed the row of lampposts and clotheslines in front of them that snaked around the town and passing by the library.

"Are you sure about this?" She asked nervously, squeezing the coon-pony's neck as tight as she could without asphyxiating him.

"Trust me." Sly gave her a wink and leaped off of the rooftop and spun in the air. Twilight screamed in a mix of delight and fear as the two of them landed neatly upon the clothesline. He started running along it with the nimbleness of a ninja, jumping off at the end of the nylon rope and landing on a lamppost. He jumped off again and landed onto another rooftop, then onto a lamppost again, then on two clotheslines held together with a massive wooden beam, then onto more rooftops and then onto the last two lampposts before reaching the balcony of the library treehouse within a matter of seconds.

"Whoo!" Twilight shrieked. Her mane was a little swept back from the light breeze, but the adrenaline rush she underwent was tremendous and spectacular. She got off of Sly's back and was shaking a little bit for that exhilarating experience. "Let's go again! Let's go again!"

"Hold on there, Twi," he said as got back down on four hooves again. "A little bit of Pinkie is rubbing off on you, huh?"

"Hehe... Sorry about that."

"That's alright." He pushed the balcony door ajar. "Now... let's get some shut eye."

"Hallelujah," she said. The two of them traipsed into their room and hit their beds almost immediately.
> VI - Late Night Confessions and Tea Time
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Shadow: Knock-knock, mothereffers! Guess who's back? *cue the applause* Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-huh. Now I FINALLY have the courage to multitask between this fic and Horns, Hooves, and Fur (for those who haven't seen it, go ahead and check it out... I mean, if that's ok with you. *Flutterwhimper*) *Sees the 2 dislikes* Meh. Don't care. Their loss.

Now, WHO'S READY FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER!?





My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic

VI - Late Night Confessions and Tea Time


With night having fallen, the inhabitants of Ponyville had been whisked away by the pining calls of their beds, ready to wrap their owners up and soothe them to sleep. At this point of night, everypony had already gone to sleep.

Well... almost everypony.

Sly couldn't sleep, and no matter how hard the coon-pony tried to ease himself into slumber and succumb to its greedy tendrils, the attempts would be in vain. 

Agitated that he couldn't get to sleep, Sly threw off of the covers and got out of his guest bed, taking caution not to awaken either Spike or Twilight.

But he need not worry about that, for the latter had already vacated her bed.

Where could she have gone...? Sly raised an eyebrow at the peculiar sight. Maybe she's at the balcony, stargazing? Besides, her Cutie Mark... thing... is a bunch of stars. So that MUST mean she likes stargazing, right? Seeing as that might be the most reasonable thing to assume, Sly made his way to the balcony of the library. Sure enough, he saw Twilight peering into a telescope that was pointed at the night sky while she wrote down each one of the stars' locations and what constellations they erected.

Sly stared up at the atmosphere above him, captivated by its hypnotizing beauty. The stars dotted the indigo sky shined like diamonds, while the moon, riddled with lunar craters of varying sizes, emulated a gorgeous glow upon the town, which was already festered with vacant streets. Any painting crafted by an artist's skillful eye and, well, hoof, would pale in comparison to the magnificent sight above them all. Despite the slow, meek chirps of crickets and the occasional murmur from Twilight as she jotted down each celestial object's position, the environment was peacefully quiet. One could practically hear a pin drop from a yard away.

While the sight was breathtaking, Sly wanted to say differently. Even if the Equestrian sky looked strikingly similar to the one back home on Earth, it wasn't. It will never be the same sky where he usually performs his pilfering escapades, the moonlight acting as his torch in the darkness that flanked him on all sides. He knew that he couldn't go back to France, to Murray and Bentley... to Carmelita. Sly sighed sadly. Of all the people he would miss, his old friends and Carmelita would be at the top of the list, despite the latter being the reason as to why he was in a different world as a different species.

"Couldn't sleep, huh?" Sly gave a small start until he realized that Twilight had been the one who had spoken. 

"Not a wink," he said. "I take it you couldn't sleep either?"

"Nope." Twilight removed herself from her telescope. "So... what were you thinking about?" she asked. Sly sighed again as he looked at Twilight. The light from the moon and stars reflected off her large amethyst eyes as she gave him a small, sad smile.

"Home." Twilight blinked a few times in confusion before finally getting his meaning.

"What are you talking about, Sly? This is your home," she told him. After all, even feigned ignorance was bliss.

"You know what I'm talking about, Twi." Sly rested his head in his forelegs on the railing of the balcony, staring off into the moonlight. Twilight sat next to him and followed his example. "Back home, I was considered a legend, and not the good kind. While it should have made my life a living... Tartarus, it didn't. There was a... a thrill of having to steal, having to run from the law, having to get away with whatever loot I had. It's been like this since I was eight years old, when the Fiendish Five killed my father and stole my family book. I loved my job, but at the same time, the people I tried to protect hated me because of what I did. The one and only woman I loved... is the reason why I'm here in Ponyville. My friend Bentley lost the ability to walk, all because I didn't stop my old enemy, Clockwerk, the first time we met in Russia. If I had only done the job right the first time... none of this would've happened. And if it weren't for my friends, Bentley and Murray, I would have never gotten to where I had. I'm glad that I'm here, but at the same time... I can't do what I love best: being a thief. Last I checked, this land... er, Equestria, right?" Twilight nodded. "Yeah. Equestria has almost no crime. So what's a man.. er, stallion, to do when his talent is stealing from criminals and there are almost no criminals?"

Twilight patted Sly on the shoulder. "I don't know, Sly," she said honestly, trying to convey as much empathy as possible into her words. "But don't worry, we'll figure out something." She swallowed, hard, like something had been clogging her throat from some time. Sly turned to get back inside the library.

"Who was she?"

Sly turned around to face Twilight. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean." Sly felt a pang of guilt when she saw tears manifesting in the corners of her eyes. Twilight was emotionally ripped to shreds at the thought of somepony else loving Sly. "The woman you loved."

Sly sighed again. "Miss Carmelita Montoya Fox." The corners of his lips turned up to form a small smile of sad reminiscence. "One of the most beautiful women I had ever met. Long, curly brunette hair, orange fur, amber eyes, cunning smile, amazing body." He sighed once more.

"Did... did she love you back?"

That question sent Sly's mind reeling. Did Carmelita love him back? Probably not, even after his many chivalrous attempts at winning her heart. "No, not really. Chasing me around and trying to arrest me was all she did. But I didn't think she'd go so far as to kill me." Twilight gasped at his words.

"Sh... she killed you?!" She said a little too loudly. Sly looked taken aback by the outburst.

"Twilight, shh!"

"No, I won't shh! How in Equestria can you love somepony who not only doesn't love you back and wants you behind bars, but also KILLED you?!" Sly put a hoof to Twilight's lip to quiet her.

"I can't explain it, OK?!" Sly whisper-shouted. "It's probably lust, maybe the thrill of being chased, or something! I can't be sure!" He lowered his hoof. "But whatever it is... it's done. Over. Enough." Twilight wiped away whatever tears she had from her face before tackling him in a large hug. Sly was caught off-guard at first, but soon returned the embrace again. "Now let's go inside and get to sleep, eh? Besides, I don't think waking up any of our neighbors would do us good."

"Too right," Twilight giggled a bit sheepishly. She removed herself from Sly and made her way inside the library, with Sly following suit.

She's a very nice girl... but something seems to be holding her back... and I can't quite put my hoof on it.





The Next Morning

"Get up, Sly. Breakfast is almost ready," Twilight coaxed to her friend, giving him a small shake. Sly arose, wiping the sleep from his eyes and getting slowly out of his comfortable bed. He stretched his joints and popped his neck. The sounds made Twilight and Spike cringe and wince. 

Looks like I found one of their pet peeves, he mentally chuckled. 

"Good morning, mon amie," he said to her as they exchanged brief nuzzles. 

"Mon... amie?" she reiterated curiously, liking the way the words rolled off of her tongue like that.

"It's French: it means 'my friend'," he answered, pulling an embarrassed grin and scratching the back of his head. His answer was rewarded with a sweet smile from the librarian.

"Hmm... I like it," she finally said as she made his bed for him. 

Sly then turned to the dragon in the room, who was just getting up. "What's up, Spike?" he hollered to him.

"Not much, Sly," Spike answered groggily, throwing the blanket off of his scaly form.

"Cool, man. Say, do you have a bathroom around here? I need to go and take a shower... or a bath. Whatever form of cleansing you all do." Twilight pointed to a door that was next to the archway that led down to the main room of the library. "Nice. I'll be right back." 

He ignored the stairs and jumped down to the floor, landing neatly upon the ground. He walked over to the bathroom and found the clothes Rarity made him sitting atop the counter. He removed his clothes and tossed them into a laundry hamper before closing the door. He hopped into the shower, placed his mask and turned on the warm water, letting it soak him thoroughly. While he wasn't used to water in swimming pools and lakes, things like rain and such weren't too bad for him. He glanced down and saw a bottle of colts' shampoo. 

Hmm... maybe Twilight bought this for me? Sly wondered as he picked up the bottle with his hoof and brought it to his nose for a sniff: it smelled of apples and cinnamon. After a few seconds, his eyes went wide as he shook the hoof like it was bewitched, the shampoo bottle flying out and onto the shower floor.

"How the heck did that happen?!" asked the coon-pony, thoroughly examining his hoof. He did it again, and again, and again to the bottle. It was like his hoof acted as a tentacle's suction cup at will, the way the bottle just stuck to him like that when he wanted it too and dropped when he didn't want it to. "Cooool. But no more screwing around. I just remembered I have tea at Lyra and Bon-Bon's place today, then I gotta see Applebloom and her friends about their Cutie Marks. Whelp, better get scrubbing... wait a minute, why am I talking to myself?!"





"Whoa, you reek of apples!" said Spike, fanning away the scent of the shampoo with a claw. Sly had stepped out of the bathroom, donned in the black shirt and cap with red trim, mask replaced onto his face.

"You're just mad 'cause I'm stuntin' on you," he replied, making his way upstairs to grab his cane. He tucked it into his saddlebags strap and went back the flight of stairs to the main room. Twilight was curled up with a book in her sparkling pink magical aura. Her eyes were almost blurred with how fast she was reading. She looked up and saw Sly, her jaw dropping just a little bit at his appearance.

"Wow... You look nice, Sly," she complemented, giving the air a whiff. Her eyes fluttered slightly as she exhaled. "Lemme guess, apples and cinnamon?" she added rhetorically.

"My complements to the librarian," he said slickly. Twilight chuckled.

They walked down to the kitchen for breakfast. A Caesar salad with a glass of orange juice accompanying it was waiting for him on the table, the scent of the ranch and croutons driving his mouth to water a bit. He ate it slowly, trying to preserve the flavor of it all. After the last crouton made its way down to his gullet, he drained half the glass of orange juice, the sharp citrus taste of the beverage soothing the dryness of his throat.

"Er, Sly? You've gotta go visit Lyra and Bon-Bon for tea, remember?" Spike reminded.

"Huh? Oh, right. I nearly forgot again." He got up and gave his legs a good shake before setting out to the library door. "Bye, Spike! Bye, Twilight! I'll see you all later!"

"Bye!" the librarian and the assistant cried. Twilight gave a little sigh and levitated a book. "My, my, that racco-, Erm, pony - sure is a good guy. But I wonder what his friends Murray and Bentley were like, maybe I'll even give that Carmelita girl a piece of my mind...." A look of anger soon plagued her complexion.

"Twilight." Spike snapped the librarian out of her stupor. "I don't think that's such a good idea."

"Hmm... Thank you."

"No problem, Twi."

"But with that out of the way, I wanna ask your opinion on something."

"Shoot."

"... I think my friends are trying too hard to rush me into a relationship with Sly, one that I do want, but can't have until later on. You agree with me on this one, right?"

"You're preachin' to the choir, sister." Spike raised his claws defensively, for he had no idea how relationships work: he was still trying to win Rarity over to no avail. "But I think I do agree. Give it some time."





"Welcome, Sly! C-come on in!" the seafoam green unicorn named Lyra said, opening the door to her little apartment. Sly was blown away by the breathtaking sight that stood before him. The silver legs of the glass coffee table gleamed in the light of the candles. The walls were painting taupe, while the two couches were a black matte, and the flourishing plants that surrounded the room gave the area a very calming feeling to the occupants. "We didn't really expect you to come until two o'clock!"

Sly checked his rPod and saw that the time read one fifty-three. "I was that early, huh? Ah, well, at least I'm here," he said. "Where's, erm... Bon-Bon?"

"I'm over here!" a voice replied from the kitchen. A cream-color coated mare, adorned with a curled indigo and pink mane and tail and a trio of wrapped sweets for a Cutie Mark, exited the kitchen. In her mouth was a tray bearing three empty teacups and an elegant teapot, the spout of it emitting steam. She set down the tray on the coffee table and took a seat, Lyra and Sly soon following suit. "So, Sly, can you tell us all about yourself?"

Oh, God, this is gonna be a long one.
> VII - Unexpected Guest
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic

VII - Unexpected Guest



Earth; Cooper Hideout


Murray and Bentley couldn't sleep.

Bentley, in his desperation and belief of Sly possibly existing in a multiverse, was creating a machine that would help them travel across the cosmic ocean to where their deceased friend could be, with the help of some old Sly DNA to pinpoint his location. Murray looked at the portrait the first time he, Sly, and Bentley met at the orphanage. Sly had his arms around the hippopotamus and the turtle, the trio smiling widely at the camera. Murray smiled as tears trickled down his face. He remembered that day like had just happened two hours ago....





"Ha-ha!" A kid, a wolf by the look of him, had pushed Murray and Bentley down into the sand as the cronies, a rhino and a tiger, held their arms behind their backs. Bentley was shaking in his shell, and Murray was already on the precipice of crying. "Not so tough now, are ya?!" the wolf taunted.

"P-p-please... leave us alone!" Bentley stammered.

"'P-p-please!' Bah!" The wolf mocked before repeatedly swinging his foot in Murray's stomach while the rhino and tiger stripped Bentley of his shell and started tossing it back and forth between themselves like some sick game of monkey in the middle.

"Hey!" a voice shouted behind them. "Leave them alone!" The trio of bullies looked around to see a small raccoon child with a large cane in his hands, with a mask over his eyes and a cap to block them from the shadows. 

"Or what?" The rhino threatened.

"Or I'll knock your block off!" the raccoon retorted, holding the cane like a trusty sword.

"We'll see about that!" The wolf said. "Get 'im!"

The rhino and tiger charged at the raccoon boy. With a flick of the wrist, the raccoon had swung the cane at the rhino's legs, causing him to fall over. The tiger pounced, yet the raccoon swung upwards, sending the tiger into the air and landing in a heap a few feet away. The raccoon boy brought the cane's convex side into the stomachs of the rhino and tiger for good measure.

The wolf, agitated at his companions' defeat, charged in to take the raccoon down. The boy with the cane had other plans, though. He jumped into the air, cane gripped tightly in his hands, as he front-flipped over the wolf and swung the cane into his back, sending him flying several inches. When the raccoon lands, the wolf turns around quickly and charges again with a cocked-back fist. The raccoon rapidly jabbed the cane into the wolf's belly as quickly and roughly as possible.

Sensing that his battles would be in vain, the wolf hastily picked up his cronies and urged them to run away from the boy with the cane. "L-L-Let's get outta here!" the wolf cried as he and his two goons fled the scene.

The boy lowered his cane as he walked over to Bentley and Murray and gave them his hand, hoisting them up from off of the floor. "Th... thanks!" Murray squealed.

"Don't mention it," the boy reassured them. "Say, what're your names?"

"I'm Bentley," the turtle in question answered. "And this is Murray."

"W-who are you?" Murray asked the savior.

In retaliation, the boy tilted his cap up to relinquish the shadows it cast. Underneath the hat was a masked face, with kind brown eyes poking out of the mask's holes.

"Sly. Sly Cooper."





Murray sighed morosely at the reminiscence. Bentley, seeing his friend in a state of melancholy, rolled over to Murray and placed a hand on his mammalian friend's shoulder. "Don't worry, Murray," he assured the hippo. "We'll find him. I promise."

"But how?" Murray asked.

"Well, with the exquisite assistance of both reincarnation and the multiverse theory, we can pinpoint Sly's exact location with this device anywhere in this universe." The turtle pointed a finger at the mechanism he was creating. "As a matter of fact, I'm almost finished with this bad boy. Once I'm done with adding the deoxyribonucleic acid to the device, we should be able to reach Sly in his exact location."

Despite Bentley's extensive vocabulary, Murray understood what his companion said. "Alright. So how long will it take before this thing really is finished?"

"Only a few more minutes. Once it's recalibrated and the DNA is scanned, we'll be off like that!" Bentley snapped his fingers to emphasize the last word as he returned to the machine to recalibrate it. The minutes flew by as the two worked on whatever was needed. Even Murray got up from off of his bed to do something, despite the stormy black clouds that basked above his head: he couldn't just sit around all night doing nothing.

"Aaaaaand done!" Bentley cheered in delight as the mechanism he was crafted was finally finished. Murray went over to his friend's side and whistled low at the sight before him. It was a ten-foot tall hollow cylinder. The floor and the ceiling were glowing a bright blue light. Beeping sounds came from the cylinder, and a small slide-in tray with the words 'DNA sample' written above it was out, ready to receive the item it requires.

"Whoa... this is incredible!" Murray exclaimed.

"Now all we need to do is just get the Multiverse Transporter to scan Sly's DNA, and we can see him again!" Bentley held up a strand of grey hair that was streaked with black.

"How long did it take you to make it?" Murray asked. In order to relieve the pain caused by Sly's passing, the hippo spent most of his time driving throughout France.

"Took me about a few days of non-stop work. Thank goodness for energy drinks, eh, Murray?" Bentley chuckled. Murray nodded fervently.

*Knock-knock-knock!*

"Murray, could you get that?" Bentley requested. Murray nodded and made his way to the door of the hideout. He opened the door ajar, and devastating fury flowed through him, turning his blood to a temperature that would make lava seem like cold water.

Standing before him was a saddened and incredibly nervous Carmelita Fox.
> VIII - Transportation and Transfiguration
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic

VIII - Transportation and Transfiguration


"YOU MURDERER!" Murray bellowed as he pick up Carmelita by her hair and brought her to his eye level. "HOW COULD YOU?!?!"

"MURRAY, WAIT! PUT HER DOWN!" Bentley begged the hippo. Carmelita's eyes were as small as dust mites as she whimpered under Murray's fierce gaze. Reluctant to his true intentions, Murray released his vicelike grip on Carmelita's weave. Inspector Fox fell to the floor, massaging her scalp. "What do you want?" Bentley asked.

"I... I want to ap... apologize," Carmelita murmured.

"Oh, sure!" Murray said sarcastically. "Apologize, that'll make everything better!"

"Look, I'm sorry, okay!?"

"Sorry doesn't cut it!" Murray snapped angrily. "If the word 'sorry' made everything better, there'd be no criminals in jail!"

"He's right, Carmelita," Bentley added as he wheeled over. "While I do appreciate you having the guts to come over and apologize... I'm afraid it was all in vain. Sly's dead... and there might not be anything we can do about it." He fired a subtle wink at Murray. the hippo being the only one to catch it.

Carmelita sighed, a downtrodden look glued on her face. "Alright. Have a good evening, you too."

"Thank you, Ms. Fox," Bentley said as Murray walked away. Bentley closed the door and returned to the Multiverse Transporter. Once inside the mechanical marvel, he pressed the still-open tray containing Sly's DNA until the tray clicked closed. A sound of gears whirring and a blinking green light from a small bulb above the tray indicated that the DNA was in the process of being scanned.

After a moment or two of patient waiting, a female Artificial Intelligence's voice from the machine announces, "DNA scanning now complete. Subject name: Sly Cooper. Species: Thievius Raccoonus. Location: Equis, Equestria, a planet located in the heart of the Horsehead Nebula. Prepare for deatomization and multiversal teleportation in T-Minus ten seconds."

"This is it, Murray," Bentley said, a cocky grin on his face.

"Nine..."

"Sly, here we come!" Murray shouted gleefully.

"Eight..."

"Uh, Bentley?" 

"Seven..."

"Yeah?"

"Six..."

"What's deatomization like?"

"Five..."

"...Er... You'll find out soon enough."

"Four... three... two..."

*THUD!"

The door to the hideout was burst open, almost swinging off of the hinges. Before Bentley and Murray could react, an orange and brown blur rushed into the Multiverse Transporter, right when the machine had finished its countdown. The inside of the machine began to course with arcs of electricity. After a few seconds, followed by a bright flash of light, the occupants of the machine had all but vanished, a burn spot in the middle of the Transporter's floor being the only evidence that someone had been in there.

That... and a golden police badge resting at the entrance of the hideout, the brown jacket cloth pinned to it fluttering weakly in the breeze.






Equestria; Ponyville


"Thank goodness that's over with."

Sly shook his head as he walked around Ponyville, trying to kill time before dinner. He had finished with his afternoon tea with Lyra and Bon-Bon three or four hours ago, and he had just now left the farm where he was teaching the Cutie Mark Crusaders, for he was planning on helping them obtain their precious butt-tattoos in the many skills he used to pull off his thieving camaraderie.

However... it wasn't all that effective.





"Are you ready, girls?" The coon-pony asked the trio of fillies, who nodded in earnest at his question. Sly, Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle had gathered at one of the tree-ridden fields of Sweet Apple Acres. Placed upon the grass was a horde of several obstacles and objects, such as pipes, ropes, ladders, narrow platforms, hooks, rings, and other tools of the Cooper thieving trade that littered the earth of the plain. Sly, in his spare time, had created three small canes out of wood for the fillies to use, much like his own tool and weapon.

"Alrighy, girls, let 'er rip!" Sly then said.





"Oh, good God, the pandemonium that ensued..." Sly shivered. How Applebloom managed to break her cane, how Sweetie Belle lost hers, and how Scootaloo used hers incorrectly was completely enigmatic for the raccoon-turned-pony. Even worse was how the entire obstacle course had been demolished like a tornado had touched down right in the middle of the farm. But alas, at least it was over.

However, Applejack and Big Macintosh were going to be out for his blood when they saw the mess they all made: after all, they not only authorized the four of them to use that spot on the orchard, but also provided them with the supplies. After experiencing Applejack's fierce kick, Sly was in no mood whatsoever to get his butt kicked again. So, at that thought, he reluctantly turned around and made his way back to the farm, grumbling at the tedious task ahead of him.

"Stupid wood... gotta be so weak...."

Several minutes had been gobbled up once he had reached the spot at Sweet Apple Acres where he and the Cutie Mark Crusaders had trained, still grumbling spitefully as his misfortune. He tossed off his saddlebags and his cane aside before getting to work almost immediately.

It took several more minutes actually get the ruins of the obstacle course in the disposal bin that rested outside of the farm's fences. As the time wore on, Sly found it incredibly difficult to concentrate on getting his job done, especially with all that tantalizing and delicious plethora of apples that dangled from the trees and in his line of sight. Every time he passed a tree, which was all the time, his nose twitched ferociously, the nostril flaring as they took in that sweet, succulent smell of the farm's fruits of labor.

At long last, the last of the trash had been discarded next to the disposal bin, for the actual bin itself had been so overflowed with junk that Sly thought it was a miracle that the bin didn't break.

As if on cue, the unfortunate bin cracked and burst apart into pieces, the contents far too much for the container's measly capacity.

"Crud!" The thief stomped on the ground with his hoof, kicking up some dust. He took a deep breath. "Eh. Whatever, the trash company might come and collect it." He went back inside the barn to collect his stuff. Once his saddlebags were on his back and his cane was tucked in the straps, Sly made his way to the library. He took a look back at the sky, and saw that the sun was already three-fourths across the horizon. "Darn... I missed dinner." His slow trot soon turned into a fully fledged gallop as Sly raced across the roads of the town back to the Library. 

However, a scene right in the middle of the intersection of Mane Street caught the larcenist's eye.

Right in the middle were a trio of ponies, unconscious by the looks of them. One was a male, bald unicorn that was as green as tree leaves. Horn-rimmed glasses were placed upon his face, his tail was short and tortoise-like, and he had a crimson bow tie and white collar at his neck. His Cutie Mark was a small computer processing data, with a large brain filled with information next to it.

The second was a male, large, and tubby Earth Pony that was also bald, yet had a fuchsia hue to his coat unlike the green unicorn. He had a hippo-like tail, wore glasses-like goggles, a white scarf, and a sky-blue T-shirt. His Cutie Mark was a tire in the middle of a burnout.

The third and final was a Pegasus mare that was as orange as the sunset behind Sly. She had a curly indigo mane, her tail was fox-like, and she was wearing a brown jacket. Her Cutie Mark was a police badge, a corner of it shining in some invisible light.

Sly's glance alternated between the three, until-

"Oh, Lord, no...."
> IX - "I Can Explain... Nevermind, I Really Can't Explain...."
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Shadow: God, I feel like a jerkbag for not keeping up with updating this story. But at last - at LONG LAST - the new chapter is up. Sorry about the long wait, everyone. Enjoy, fillies and gentlecolts.

My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic

IX - "I Can Explain... Nevermind, I Really Can't Explain...."




“Oh no no no no no no!” Sly facehoofed at the unfortunate discovery. He recognized the three other equines almost immediately, and it did him no good in aiding his qualms. He glanced left and right, making sure nopony else was in the streets of the town.

But alas, why should they? ‘Twas around the time when every single pony in the gorgeous and humble town must return to their homes and feast upon their delicious suppers before retiring for the night.

Sly sighed in frustration. “You must be pulling my leg....” muttered the coon-turned-pony. With his cane, he hooked the collars of the three ponies into the crook and dragged them along towards the Books and Branches library. After a few minutes, however, the energy reserves of the coon-pony were running low, mainly due to the weight of all three unconscious ponies that he was dragging. “Man, you all really need to cut back on the junk food...” he hissed.

After several minutes of heaving, pulling, and dragging, Sly finally made it to the front steps of the library, where Twilight Sparkle and Spike dwelled. Sly temporarily set down the three surprisingly still-unconscious ponies and knocked rapidly on the door. “Twilight, open up, it’s me!” He called through the door.

The door then swung open to reveal a slightly worried Twilight Sparkle. “Sly, where were you? We were about to set up a search party for you because you’ve been gone so long!”

“Yeah, I know,” grumbled Sly, “but we have a rather serious issue.” He stepped aside, bringing the three ponies into view. Twilight Sparkle’s eyes shot wide open at the sight of the three. She glanced back and forth to check if anypony (if any) stood in the streets.

“Quickly! Bring them in!” Twilight Sparkle quietly hissed.

‘Don’t have to tell me twice,’ Sly thought as he picked up the trio and hauled them into the library. He placed them in the center of the main room, next to the table with the wooden pony bust on it.

“Who’re these guys?” Spike asked the raccoon-turned-pony as the little dragon cleaned the room and replaced the many tomes and scrolls back into their proper shelves and alphabetical order.

“Yes, do tell, Sly,” Twilight Sparkle pressed on. “It isn’t everyday that you pick off somepony off the road.” To make matters worse for Sly, her eyes slightly narrowed, giving her the sense that she was rather... suspicious.

At both her words and her impaling gaze, Sly started to feel... nervous? ‘How can this actually happen?’ he internally asked himself. Never before had he ever experienced such a thing: his thieving genes practically made him impervious to it, and for all of his life, no less.

So why was he nervous now?

‘Was... was I scared of her?’

That might be a possibility; after all, Sly had seen her magic firsthand, er, firsthoof, and despite her translation spell, which should have been harmless, he had every right to be. Twilight Sparkle was, after all, a skilled and mighty magician, and he a mere thief that relied on stealth, agility, and swiftness.

In short, the odds did not seem to be in his favor.

He shook his head and cleared his throat. “I can explain.” He grew slightly more nervous as Twilight Sparkle narrowed her eyes further and let out a low grumble. Spike glanced back and forth between the two of them, trying to see why the coon-pony was being anxious and what the scholarly unicorn was getting agitated about. “Nevermind, I really can’t explain.”

“Well, who are these ponies?” Spike asked. “I’ve never seen these guys before.”

“Neither have I,” chipped in Twilight Sparkle.

“...I know these guys...” Sly finally confessed. Twilight Sparkle and Spike looked at him in both shock, curious as to how Sly knew the three other ponies on the wooden floor. “Twilight, Spike, do you guys remember what I told you when I first got here?”

“Yeah...” answered the two in unison, eager for more.

“Well, these guys were the guys I told you about....” A rather pregnant silence fell over the whole of the library. Even the quietest of inhalations, or the smallest shuffling of hooves over wood, could be heard as clearly as if the sound had been amplified by a hundred times its volume.

Until-

“Baloney,” deadpanned Twilight Sparkle, shattering the thick silence.

“Trust me, Twilight,” reassured Sly. “It's true. Otherwise, I wouldn't have recognized them.”

“But that’s still impossible!” retorted the unicorn. “How in the world did these three get here from your planet?!”

“That, I don’t know.”

“Well, we need to do something about this: I’ve already got one stallion living in here.” She motioned her hoof at the pony in question; “but I don’t have enough room or money for feed and shelter three more ponies.”

“But we can’t just throw them on the streets!” countered Sly. “Besides, these are my friends! What kind of guy would I be if I just stood by while these three get the boot?”

Twilight Sparkle wasn’t prepared for that walloping of logic. She stopped in mid-breath, for she had once been prepared to respond to something other than that. She took a deep breath and mulled it over inside of her incredibly sharp equine mind: If she refused to offer help to the three still-unconscious ponies, then Sly would be rather upset and disappointed, something that she couldn’t afford; if she did offer assistance to them, not only would Sly be grateful about the situation, but she could talk to the other element bearers to see if they had enough space in their homes to shelter them.

“Fine...”

“Thank you, Twilight,” Sly told her. He then glanced over at the three, and pondered on what to do with them next: “But if you said that there’s not enough room, then where should they go?”

“Well, I could ask one of my friends if they could take them in...” suggested Twilight Sparkle. “However,” she continued, “I’m not sure how they would react.”

“Why not just tell them?” asked Sly. “It’d be much easier that way, it’d clear up any confusion, and plus, I think that your friends would get along rather well with mine.”

Twilight Sparkle thought about this as well, her brilliant pony brain churning once more. “Alright... should I call them now?”

“Uh... sure.” Sly sat down and pawed the hardwood floor, his hoof slightly scratching it. He stopped after he noticed it: it’d do no good to scuff up his friend’s floor.

“Spike?” Twilight Sparkle turned her head to face the purple draconic toddler. Spike looked at her, awaiting the order his surrogate sister would give him: “I’m going to write a letter to each of the other five: do you think you can send it to them?”

Spike scratched the back of his head, slightly abashed on how to answer the question. “Well, I’ve never tried sending letters to anypony other than the Princess, but... I’ll give it a try.”

“Thank you,” said Twilight Sparkle, smiling warmly. Her horn glowed, and five scrolls and a letter encased in a lilac-hued glow floated over to the table in the middle of the room. Furiously and quickly, Twilight Sparkle started writing.

“Send a letter? How?” Sly’s curiosity was rather piqued.

“With Dragonfire,” answered Spike in a matter-of-factly tone. “With it, I can send letters to the Princess, or apparently anypony I want to send it to, at the blink of an eye.”

“Interesting...” Sly rubbed a chin with his hoof.

“What? You really thought I was gonna run it to them?”

“Well, the exercise would do you good,” remarked Sly shrewdly, a mischievous grin on his face. Spike took a swipe at him with his sharp claws, but Sly quickly recoiled, dodging the attack. “Ah-ah-ah~” tutted the coon-pony.

“Alright, the letters are finished,” declared Twilight Sparkle, holding five rolled-up and sealed scrolls, each one having the name of the receiver written on it. Spike took the scrolls, held out one, and took a deep breath. He exhaled, and emerald-colored flames erupted from his open maw, engulfing the selected scroll. The inferno-enveloped scroll started swirling and getting smaller and smaller, until it finally vanished with a pop. Sly jumped back in shock at the scene, but shook his head: indeed, he had seen worse.

Spike repeated this process for the other four scrolls, until all five of them had been delivered to their respectful recipients. “Thank you very much for that, Spike.” Twilight Sparkle walked over and nuzzled the dragon in appreciation, earning a small little blush from the reptilian assistant.

“Aw geez, Twi. It was nothing.”

“Well, then, all we have to do is wait, right?” She asked. Sly nodded.

“Urgh....”

Sly, Spike, and Twilight Sparkle turned their heads at the noise, locating the source of the sound. Their eyes rested upon the three ponies on the floor, who were stirring and slowly rising, their bodies probably drained and beaten from being brought across the vast cosmic ocean to their current position.

“Well, glad to see you three are waking up.” A warm smile was spread upon Twilight Sparkle’s muzzle.

“INCOMIIIIING!” A new voice hollered from outside. Before anyone could do anything-

*CRAAASH!*

At once, the sound of breaking glass rang throughout the library, startling the five ponies and one dragon. They craned their heads again to see the upper half of Rainbow Dash dangling out of one of the now-broken windows of the library, the multichromatic-haired mare’s rosy eyes rolling in her head out of dizziness from the brunt force of the collision.

“Dur...Dashiedonwannacupcake....” groaned Rainbow Dash idiotically.

“Oh man... I think the crash made her stupid or something,” muttered Sly. Twilight Sparkle, Spike, and the three other ponies snickered slightly. In response to that, Rainbow Dash shook her head fervently and squeezed inside the library via broken window, landing on the ground in front of Sly.

“I heard that,” grumbled Rainbow Dash, a look of agitation on her face; Sly simply rolled his eyes. Twilight Sparkle, with a sigh, levitated the many broken shards of glass into the air and dropped them into the nearest trash bin. A knock at the door then ensued. 

“Come in!” She called.” At the approval of entry, the door swung open, revealing Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie, all but the latter rather tired-looking; how Pinkie Pie was still unaffected by the somnolence that was cast over everypony else was a complete mystery to everypony in the room.

“Hi, Twilight!” greeted Pinkie Pie, a large, permanent smile on her face as she bounced around the room. “We got your letters and you wanted us to come over! We thought that you were inviting us to this super-duper-looper-extraordinary-hooper party! But then I thought, ‘Wait a hoof-tickling minute! Parties are my thing!’ I mean after all, they ARE on my Cutie Mar-”

“PINKIE PIIIIIEEEE!” Nearly everyone in the library bellowed.

“Eeeeyyyyes?” The pink mare stopped in mid-bounce, standing in the air like it was a tangible surface. Sly’s eye twitched at the complete desecration of the laws of physics; despite not being the brightest of creatures, even he knew that what Pinkie Pie was doing was an impossible feat. But to his relief - or so he would like to believe - Pinkie Pie landed on her four hooves on the solid hardwood floor.

‘Take deep breaths, Sly... Just take. Deep. BREATHS,’ he instructed himself.

‘Relax, silly filly!’ said the all-too-familiar voice of Pinkie Pie in his brain as she looked at him and smiled widely. ‘It’s just your good ol’ Aunt Pinkie Pie!’

‘GAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!’

Sly’s brain, which was still addled by that knockout gas from Clockwerk’s gas chamber when Carmelita had been capture, was already commencing to shut down. His chest was rising and falling rapidly. If he had been afraid of Twilight Sparkle before, he had no idea what he would be in for if he ever insulted or angered Pinkie Pie.

“Sly?” Twilight’s voice brought him away from the edge of madness and into the realm of reality. “Don’t you wanna introduce your friends to mine?”

“Sly?!” wailed the three ponies. The green unicorn and fuschia Earth Pony jumped towards Sly and tackled him in the largest hug they could ever give anyone... er, anypony.

“Hallelujah!” hollered the green unicorn, his voice very familiar to Sly. “I knew it’d work!”

“Bentley!” wheezed Sly, his oxygen being drained from him ever so slowly by the anaconda-like squeeze from both ponies. “Murray! You two... are crushing me!” 

“Sorry!” apologized the both of them before getting off of their best friend. Sly stood back on his hooves. He looked down at the two ponies before him; they still had not gotten used to being a pony, for they were wobbling precariously on their hooves. 

“What became of us?” inquired Bentley. “It appears we’ve taken the shape of equines... strange... I can even walk!" He tried lifting up a hind leg, and, sure enough, the leg he wished to move was lifted up a few inches in the air. "It must be some sort of weird miracle!”

“Even weirder,” began Murray, “are these tattoos on our butts! What gives, Sly?”

“Oh, right,” said Sly. “Well, Twilight, care to tell these guys what Cutie Marks are?”

“Cutie Marks?” said the orange pegasus pony Carmelita in a surprised tone. “Blegh... sounds girly.”

“You should know: you are a girl, after all,” rebutted Rainbow Dash.

“Girls, this isn’t getting us anywhere,” Twilight Sparkle announced. “And as for what a Cutie Mark is...” She then launched into a session about what Cuties Marks are, what they mean, how no two ponies can have the same exact Cutie Marks, and how each Mark gained symbolizes the pony’s maturity and special talent. 

It would’ve gone on longer... had the whole audience had tried to pay attention.

“Ahem!” Twilight Sparkle cleared her throat noisily to lull the ponies out of their sleepy and exhausted state.

“Twi, Ah dunno why ya gotta bring us ‘round here at this time a’ night,” said Applejack, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

"I concur, darling," agreed Rarity, stifling a rather unladylike yawn with a hoof. "This could not have waited until morning?"

“Well, we could always sleep here for tonight,” countered Twilight Sparkle. She then gasped, a smile on her face and a twinkle in her eye. “It could be like a big sleepover!”

“Oh my... I’m simply dying with joy,” deadpanned Sly, while the other boys groaned in disgust at the idea.

“Relax, guys, it’ll probably just be separated by gender, if it makes you feel better,” said Twilight Sparkle. Her eyes then went wide in realization. “Oh! I’m afraid I never got to introduce myself! I’m Twilight Sparkle.” She put a hoof on her own chest. “This is Spike, that’s Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and- Say, where’s Pinkie Pie?” She had been pointing her hoof at each individual respectfully until she reached the mare in question, who seemed to have all but vanished from sight.

A rustling came from inside Sly’s saddlebags, and after a violent shake, out popped Pinkie Pie, dressed up in an outfit that was completely similar to Sly's, with a mask, beret, and little cane to boot. “I’m right here!” called the mare through the muffled voice that the cane in her mouth had impaired her with.

Sly, Bentley, Carmelita, and Murray were so shell shocked by that defiance of physics that they were left silent. Sly opened his mouth to say something, but thought better of it and closed it. ‘Nevermind... Pinkie’s just being Pinkie.’

"Anyways, let's get introductions over with, shall we?" suggested Sly.

“Very well. My name is Bentley,” announced the green unicorn after he got over that little episode.

“I’m Murray,” then said the fuschia Earth Pony.

“And my name is Carmelita Fox,” the orange fox-tailed pegasus concluded. All the ponies smiled and gave their greetings and salutations to the three, and they them.

All the ponies... save for one.

Twilight Sparkle, at the mention of the name, felt something bubbling inside her. Something she had not felt in awhile.

Fury.

‘I remember that name,’ she mentally seethed. She looked at Carmelita, her look of anger not wavering or faltering in the slightest. 'All too well....'

Ever since that night last night... Twilight would never forget the one who had brought Sly here... through the most dastardly and treacherous ways of all.

“So... you’re Carmelita,” she said coldly.

"Who wants to know?" countered Carmelita.

"I do..." growled Twilight, her rage threatening to boil over.

Sly gulped audibly at the sparks of lightning that arced between the two as they glared at one another in loathing.

‘Uh-oh....’





You're all probably wondering why Bentley, Murray, and Carmelita didn't need the translation spell and Sly did.

That will all be explained in the next chapter. :3 Enjoy the wait!

~S.W.
> X - What A "Heated" Debacle
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic

X - What a “Heated” Debacle


Sly backed away rather slowly at the scene. The anger between both Carmelita and Twilight was so tangible that Sly could almost feel it corroding his skin like acidic mist. The others seemed to be feeling it as well, for they followed Sly’s example and retreated from the potential catfight that would break out.

‘God, I know I don’t pray to you much anymore, but if you can hear me... I’d appreciate it if you could, oh, I dunno, GET ME OUTTA THIS ALIVE!’ thought Sly anxiously, eyes as wide as dinner plates. Bentley and Murray were by his side, quaking in their newly-acquired hooves, while the Elements of Harmony followed their example with great gusto.

“And why should you care as to what happens to him?” Carmelita spat vehemently, fueling the other mare’s fury more. “He was never to be your responsibility. It was my duty to stop him from stealing so many priceless items, but that little rat,” she nudged her head at Sly, “kept on slipping away, no matter what I did. I know it was wrong for me to do what I did...” She closed her eyes and sighed in frustration before returning her gaze to Twilight Sparkle, who was still infuriated; “but what happened, happened. And while I wish I could take it all back... I can’t change the past.

“Besides, he’s a petty, lowly thief-”

“Oh, how you flatter me, Carmelita,” Sly murmured under his breath, doing all in his power to try and keep his cool by cracking a little joke.

“-who can’t help but take things that don’t belong to him and deserves whatever punishment coming to him. What does he matter to you, anyways?” Carmelita then questioned, her wings flaring out without her knowing of it.

Twilight Sparkle’s eye twitched at an uncontrollable rate, and her teeth were clenched. But before long, Sly, Bentley, Murray witnessed a sight they had never seen before.

Twilight Sparkle had come across a certain topic whilst reading a book titled ‘Magick Most Mystical’. The tome informed her of a condition known as a “rage-shift”. When a being of magical prowess, such as a unicorn or an alicorn, becomes infuriated, frustrated, or any strong negative emotion toward something that is responsible for such a response, the unicorn or alicorn in question “rage-shifts”, and the magical powers that the individual wields increases in strength and magnitude.

Twilight Sparkle had only rage-shifted once in her life: when she had been unable to explain and make logical sense of Pinkie Pie’s “Pinkie Sense”, a certain condition of Pinkie Pie’s that occurs whenever she thinks something might happen, such as a twitchy tail that indicates something falling, or a creaky knee that told her where somepony might be running away, and an itchy muzzle, telling her where that somepony is hiding: it’s how she could always find Rainbow Dash whenever the polychromatic pegasus ran away and hid from her.

In that moment, Twilight Sparkle experienced another rage-shift for the second time of her life. All of the occupants of the Books and Branches Library recoiled and cowered as Twilight’s lilac coat became a blinding, fiery white. Her amethyst eyes soon became as red as blood, and both her indigo mane and tail became a massive inferno, the fires licking the air and greedily devouring the oxygen in the room. The audience in the room was surprised the tree had not been sent ablaze by the mare’s fiery mane.

Without warning, Twilight Sparkle tackled Carmelita, the extremely angry mare showing no mercy in striking fear into the fox-turned-pony’s heart.

What does he matter to you, anyways?

“EVERYTHIIING!!!” roared the enraged scholar, the spiteful question from earlier ringing in her ears like pots being struck repeatedly. Carmelita was cowering in her position on the floor, her pupils contracted to such tiny spots that they were almost nonexistent. Twilight bent her head forward, her now-glowing horn aimed directly at Carmelita.

Just one spell, one little incantation, and-

“Twilight, stop!” The voice the scholar recognized far too well caused her to snap her out of her malevolent reverie. She felt a hoof on her shoulder, and she turned her head to the side to see the one who she was trying to protect.

“Please stop.” Sly was looking at her with the most determined look upon his face. Twilight Sparkle’s fur was incredibly hot beneath his hoof, but Sly did not recoil.

At once, the rage-shift had passed. The flames of Twilight Sparkle’s blazing mane and tail soon died down and became her regular indigo mane and tail with purple and hot pink highlights. The hot white coat returned to a lilac hue again, and the red eyes return to their grapelike color.

Twilight Sparkle shook her head fervently, the glow in her horn dying down.

Almost immediately, Carmelita backed away as quickly as possible, hiding behind Murray and Bentley.

“Thanks, Sly,”murmured the lilac unicorn, a weak smile upon her face.

“Don’t mention it.” Sly nodded and turned to the three newcomers. “Y’know, I’ve noticed something. When I first came here, all I could speak was French, even though I could speak English perfectly fine back home, and Twilight here gave me a translation spell. But when you guys got here, you all could speak their language, Equestrian, like it’s nothing. What gives?”

“I think,” began Bentley, who was cleaning his glasses with his newly acquired emerald fur, “it was that Automatic Translation Device I threw in to the Multiversal Transporter while I was building it back home. Somehow, it might’ve just selected this language before we arrived; I had it installed in case the Transporter misfires and sends us somewhere else.

“However, as to why you could only speak French when you got here is an utter enigma to me,” Bentley concluded.

“I don’t have a clue...” Sly put a hoof to his chin and pondered the mystery. If he could speak perfect English back on Earth, why was he speaking nothing but French when he got here?

Moreover, once you get there... you may not like what will happen to you.

Sly sighed. ‘Darn it, Death... I finally see what you mean what you said that.’

“And how did you get like this?” Sly then asked. “Were you just like me?”

“I think it might be the magic that’s in the air. It’s practically everywhere, you know,” answered Twilight Sparkle. "Perhaps it altered your form when you got here?"

“But what are we gonna do about... this?!” He pointed his hoof and swept it all across the array of ponies in the room. “This’ll be just... sheer pandemonium if this keeps going on.”

“What you do mean?” said Murray and Spike in a unison of confusion.

“What I mean is that Carmelita and Twilight can’t be within two feet of each other without being visited by the urge to rip each other’s heads off.” The two in question bowed their heads in a small bout of shame. “Moreover, how the hay are we gonna all fit in this one tree?” Sly didn’t even notice the fact that he had said “hay” rather than the regular form of the word until about five seconds later.

‘I really need to stop being a pony: their ways of speaking is already getting to my head.’

“Sly’s right,” agreed Twilight Sparkle, picking up her head to create eye contact with Sly. “Me and Carmelita,” she said the name in a seething tone, “shouldn’t be next to each other... at least until we can calm down.”

“Seconded,” huffed Carmelita. “But what are we to do about those two?” She pointed her hoof at Bentley and Murray, but the task was rather difficult: she wasn’t used to being a quadruped.

“Lemme think for a second...” Twilight Sparkle hummed. She looked at Bentley, the green unicorn, then at the fuschia earth pony known as Murray, then at Carmelita, the pegasus that was the color of the Equestrian sunset. She then looked amongst her friends for answers.

“How’s ‘bout Ah help this Murray feller over here be a real Earth Pony, Twi?” suggested Applejack.

“Ooh, ooh, can I help as well?!” screeched Pinkie Pie, bouncing excitedly. “We can throw a huge party for you three, a “Welcome-To-Ponyville” party, and there’s gonna be cupcakes and candy and cake and cookies and ice cream and punch and-!”

“Okaaaaaay, Pinkie!” interrupted the cowpony, stuffing her orange hoof into the pink mare’s mouth to silence her.

“I’m liking this already,” Murray whispered.

“Me and Flutters could teach Carmelita how to be a proper pegasus!” declared Rainbow Dash, putting a hoof to her chest in pride. “Right, ‘Shy?”

“Oh, yes. I don’t mind at all,” Fluttershy muttered. “I would be honored to help.”

‘Great. I get stuck with the timid doormat and the brash athlete...’ thought Carmelita spitefully.

“And me and Twilight shall help Mr. Bentley here in becoming the unicorn that he is destined to be!” exclaimed Rarity, her eyes shining like the gemstones she so adored.

“No, please, I don’t wish to cause any trouble,” Bentley returned,” I think I could teach myself how just fine-”

“Oh, but you must!”

“No, I-”

“You must!”

“But-”

“YOU MUSSSST!”

Bentley retreated a bit from how close Rarity had gotten, her azure eyes staring at him in pleading. “Okay, just... please back up? I have claustrophobia,” he whimpered.

“Marvelous!” Rarity said.

“Then it’s settled,” Twilight Sparkle said: “Bentley, since I’ve got Sly living under my roof, how would you like to live with Rarity for the time being?”

“I wouldn’t mind in the slightest, Miss, uh...”

“Sparkle,” the scholar completed, holding out her hoof. Bentley carefully reached out and shook it. “Twilight Sparkle.”

“Very well then, Ms. Sparkle. But I honestly hope that Ms. Rarity here doesn’t mind,” said Bentley.

“Please, darling, it’d be my pleasure,” said Rarity.

“Murray? Ya wanna choose who you wanna live with?” asked Sly.

“The pink pony! Definitely!” declared Murray with a huge smile.

“Whoo-hoo!” Pinkie Pie cheered, bouncing ten feet into the air, somersaulting twice, and landing spectacularly on all four hooves. “You and I are gonna be the best of friends, Murray!”

“And Carmelita, who do you wanna live with?” inquired Sly to the fox-turned-pony. Carmelita glanced between Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, mulling over the possibilities and outcomes of living with one of them.

“I-I could take her in,” offered Fluttershy, the gold-hued pegasus walking over to Carmelita with a kind smile. “It won’t be a problem at all.”

“Well, then it settled.” Bentley stretched his legs. “Off we go, I guess?” 

“Eeyup,” Applejack chuckled. With that, all the other ponies save for Twilight Sparkle and Sly exited the Books and Branches Library. With the room now more spacious, Sly gave a large yawn, barely stifling it with a hoof.

“I’m going to bed,” he hollered as he walked up the steps. “There’s been just too much crazy stuff going on for my brain to handle right now...”

With a chuckle, Twilight said, "I agree with you on that one." And so, she and Spike followed the coon-pony upstairs in the hopes of retiring for the night.
> XI - Rundowns
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Shadow: for this part, I’m going to break it down into three POVs; Carmelita, Bentley, and Murray. 

And I guess I never mentioned this. But My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic will only be about 20 - 25 chapters, depending on alternate endings and the author’s final note.

So, happy reading, everypony. :3



My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic

XI - Rundowns



Carmelita


“Okay, so what is it to be a pegasus?” Carmelita asked Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, brow raised in curiosity as the group of ponies split up. The pegasi trio walked towards Fluttershy’s cottage, the polychromatic pegasus flying backwards in a laid-back pose.

“Pegasi are the winged ponies of Equestria,” explained Fluttershy. “They help control the weather around here.”

“Control the... weather?” Carmelita was confused. “Doesn’t the weather... you know, control itself?”

“No way!” Rainbow Dash agreed. “Without pegasi, the weather would always be outta wack! Plants would die from drought, or snow or rain would always be affecting a certain place forever! I mean, the only place where the weather works all on its own is the...” she gulped before she continued; “the Everfree Forest.”

“The Everfree Forest?” Carmelita looked toward the distance, squinting to improve her vision. “Is it that huge forest over there next to...er, Fluttershy’s cottage?”

“Oh, yes.” Fluttershy nodded. “But... nopony ever goes in there. It’s too dangerous for us: the clouds move all on their own, animals care for themselves, and the plants grow all by themselves. Plus... there are so many m-m-monsters in there.” The craven yellow pegasus shuddered.

“But if it’s dangerous, why do you live next to it?”

“Well, the occasional animal exits the forest, and they come to my cottage,” explained Fluttershy. “Usually, they’re injured, so I help mend them up, and send them back on home to the forest.”

“Huh...”

“Pegasi are also in control of the seasons, hence the city of Cloudsdale is providing us with rain or snow.” 

“I see,” said Carmelita. “Hey, Rainbow Dash?”

“Yeah? What’s up?”

“What do you do around her?”

“Me? I work as a weather manager over Ponyville. But someday, I’m gonna be a Wonderbolt!”

“A... Wonderbolt?” Carmelita was even more curious than prior the conversation. ‘What the Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo is a Wonderbolt?’

“Yep! The most awesome, fastest flying team in all of Equestria, hoof-picked by Princess Celestia herself!”

“Princess Celestia?”

“Sheesh. What, do you live under a rock or something?” Rainbow Dash was getting a bit agitated at the ex-fox’s questions.

“...I just got here...” deadpanned the ex-fox.

“...Oh.” Rainbow Dash froze for a second at her slight idiotic blunder.

“Well, Princess Celestia is the ruler of all of the Equestria,” began Fluttershy in an attempt to remedy the situation, “and she’s the reason why there’s daytime. Her sister Princess Luna is in charge of the night.”

“I see...” Carmelita looked up at the full moon, the spherical ball of reflected light bleeding indigo. “Hey, Fluttershy. What do you do?

“Flutershy is like... an animal caretaker,” answered Rainbow Dash in the butter-yellow pegasus’s place.

“Yes,” piped in Fluttershy, “Like I said, any animal that comes to me gets treated for and taken care of. All the cute little bunnies, and squirrels, and bears, and-”

“H’okaaay, moving on!” interrupted Rainbow Dash quickly, with a muffled “sorry” coming from Fluttershy. “SO, anything else you wanna know?”

“Yeah: is there a police station here?”

“Yeah! It’s over by the hospital. Just stop by Twilight’s place tomorrow for a map and-” Rainbow Dash paused when she saw Carmelita’s expression sour. “Say, what’s wrong?”

“It’s that Twilight girl... she both scares and irritates me,” answered Carmelita with a shudder. “There’s just something about her that just rubs me the wrong way.”

“Well, you may not like Twilight now, but over time, you’ll learn to like her very much. She’s such a sweet, smart, and amazing pony,” explained Fluttershy reassuredly.

“I’ll take that with a grain of salt...” murmured Carmelita almost silently.

“Oh! Did you say something? I’m sorry I didn’t hear it....” apologized Fluttershy.

“Nothing!” Carmelita responded quickly.

“Anything else ya needed to know, Carmelita?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“Do you think maybe, tomorrow, you and Fluttershy can help me... fly?”

“Huh?” Rainbow Dash stopped in mid-flight for a second before resuming her flying, catching up to the two ponies who had left her at a temporary standstill. “Why?”

“Well, what’s the point of being a pegasus if I can’t fly?” reasoned the fox-turned-pony.

“Now that’s the spirit!” declared Rainbow Dash, the biggest and most devilish of grins on her face. “Tomorrow, you’re gonna be in for the lesson of your life!”






Bentley


“Thank you once again, Ms. Rarity, for allowing me into your household for tonight,” thanked Bentley again as the two entered the Carousel Boutique, its name apparent due to the sign out front. “It’s a lovely place you have here.

Rarity only giggled. “Oh, don’t mention it, darling,” she said, leaving Bentley blushing slightly at being referred to as ‘darling’. “Besides, it’d be positively rude of me to just simply not take you in for the time being.”

“Regardless, this is indeed very nice of you; is there any way I can pay you back?” asked the ex-reptile.

“Oh, don’t worry about the payment: it is all my pleasure.” Rarity smiled at Bentley. “Now come, I shall prepare us some tea.”

“Er, alright,” murmured Bentley as he followed her into her kitchen. Bentley smiled at how impeccable it was: orderly lilac cabinets, clean white tile floor, lovely table with a set of chairs, and impeccable countertops.

“Sweetie Belle!” exclaimed Rarity. Bentley turned his head to see who the white unicorn mare was talking to. He saw another white unicorn; a filly, by the looks of her, with lavender and pink curly hair, acid green eyes, and a coat as white as Rarity. But unlike her, the filly’s flank bore no strange mark upon it. “What are you still doing up?”

“I’ve been waiting for you, sis!” answered Sweetie Belle.

‘So they’re sisters...?’ Bentley pondered.

“Say, who’s the new pony?”

“Oh!” Rarity’s eyes went wide for a second. “This is Bentley, Sly’s friend. He’ll be staying with us for a while until... er...”

“Until we can find the necessary materials to return us back home,” finished Bentley. 

“You’re Sly’s friend?” squeaked Sweetie Belle ecstatically.

“Correct; since childhood, actually!” Bentley smiled at the pride flowing through him. But a question soon flitted into his mind that he felt that the older sister Rarity could only answer at the time being. “Say, Rarity... I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”

“Yes, Bentley?”

“How do I, well... How do I be a unicorn?”

Rarity mulled it over, the gears in her head working and grinding to create the correct answer. “Well, it’s simple. Unicorns are capable of perform feats of magic, be it small and modest to immense and showstopping. Twilight Sparkle and the princesse are good examples of incredibly powerful magic.”

“The princesses?” Bentley was more curious. Who were these princesses that the marshmallow-colored mare was walking about?

“Yes: Princesses Luna and Celestia. They are both alicorns, or ponies with the wings of a pegasus and a unicorn horn. Princess Luna is responsible for creating the night, and Celestia is responsible for the day time.”

“Ah yes. Since ‘Luna’ is Latin for ‘moon’ and Celestia is Latin for ‘heavenly’, referring to the heavens, or sky, that bores the Sun,” said Bentley automatically, his more-than-highly-advanced brain creating the sentence in milliseconds; “that would make sense.”

“Whoa!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed. “...You’re a nerd.”

“Yes....” said Bentley, smiling, puffing out his chest, and raising a hoof in a naïve attempt to perform a Vulcan salute. “Yes. I. Am.”

Sensing how upset the ex-reptile was, Sweetie Belle tried to remedy the situation. “I-it’s not like that that’s a bad thing! I mean, my friends call me a dictionary every now and then!”

“Because you use big words, I take it?”

“Exactly!” chuckled Sweetie Belle. 

“Okay then... what does ‘demure’ mean?”

“Demure: characterized by shyness and modesty; reserved,” answered the filly.

“What about ‘paradigm’?”

“Paradigm: a set of forms all of which contain a particular element, especially the set of all inflected forms based on a single stem or theme.”

“Can you give an example?”

“Sure! One good example is the word ‘girl’. ‘Girl’ could be written by itself, in plural form, in singular-possessive, or plural-possessive.”

By then, Rarity was shocked at how extensive and great her little sister’s vocabulary is. Even Bentley himself was impressed.

“Alright... how about ‘socialism’?” Bentley grinned in victory: surely, she can’t know what-

“Socialism: a theory or system of social organization that advocates the vesting of the ownership and control of the means of production and distribution, of capital, land, et cetera; in the community as a whole.” Sweetie smiled brightly, like she had won the lottery.

...

“Oh, you’re good,” Bentley murmured, staring into her eyes with vigor, scanning for any weak points in her proverbial armor. Sweetie Belle did the same, the two ponies so close that sparks could possibly start flying between their eyes.

In the end, the two started laughing heartily. As it went on, Rarity set down the ready-made tea, as well as three ornate teacups, a small tin of sugarcubes, and a few silver spoons.

“It’s well and dandy that you two are bonding so well alraedy, but enough is enough for tonight. You can pick this up tomorrow,” admonished Rarity playfully. “Have your tea, and then it’s off to bed.”

“Ohhhhh!” The two groaned.






Murray


“So, lemme get this straight,” Murray began, “You, your big brother, your little sister, and your grandma help out that huge of a field?”

“Heh. Eeyup.” Applejack chuckled as she, Murray, and Pinkie Pie entered the large, gingerbread house-shaped facility.

“Welcome to Sugarcube Corner, Murray!” chimed Pinkie Pie, still in her Sly Cooper clothing. The second they stepped inside, warmth from the kitchen ovens wafted into the room, trying to escape through the open door. Applejack closed the door, however, trapping the warm air inside the bakery. Murray sniffed the atmosphere, shuddering as the scent of cupcakes, candy, and other sweets and confectionaries were detected by his brain.

“Mr. and Mrs. Cake!” called Pinkie Pie into the bakery, her voice rupturing the rather quiet din of the building. “Anypony home?”

“We’re in here, Pinkie Pie!” A slightly scratchy male voice - ‘Mr. Cake’, thought Murray called back from the kitchens. Pinkie Pie bounced inside the kitchens.

“Well, I’d better get back t’ th’ farm,” announced Applejack. “See ya ‘round, Murray, Pinkie.”

“Bye, Applejack,” replied Murray, inspecting his hooves up close. His eyes went wide in remembrance. "Wait!" Applejack froze in her tracks, curious as to what Murray had to say next. "Applejack... can you please tell me what an Earth Pony does?"

Applejack grinned at the question. "Aw shucks. Well, that's real simple, sugarcube. Earth Ponies're responsible fer takin' care o' th' land they live on. They have magic in their hooves, lettin' em tune in with nature. That's purty much why Sweet Apple Acres has some o' th' best apple produces in Equestria.

"Now, if y'all will excuse me, Ah gotta git up early tomorrow fer work. I'll talk t' y'all tomorrow." This time, she exited out the door. "G'night, Murray!"

Murray returned the farewell before facing the kitchen's general direction again. “I want you all to meet my new friend and roommate!’ Pinkie Pie said happily as she bounced out of the kitchen (now out of her costume), with a teal mare and a yellow stallion in tow. The mare had on a yellow apron with pink frills and large pink spherical earrings. Her features consisted of rosy eyes, a hot pink mane and tail styled to look like cupcake frosting, and a Cutie Mark featuring a trio of cupcakes; the yellow stallion had on a white apron with a dark orange-and-white striped bow tie and cap. His characteristics consisted of forest-green eyes, an unkempt orange mane and tail, orange freckles on his boxy muzzle, and a Cutie Mark of three squares of carrot cake with white frosting.

Murray would’ve greeted the two ponies with gusto, but stopped when he heard “roommate”.

‘What?! I’m rooming... with a girl?!’ Murray thought uncomfortably. He had roomed with others before, yet those others consisted of just Bentley and Sly. While he knew that living with a pony as energetic as Pinkie Pie under the same roof was destined to have its ups and downs, he had not been counting on the possibility of the exact same pony sleeping in the same room as him.

“Well, it sure is nice of Pinkie to have a roommate of her very own,” the stallion, Mr. Cake, said jovially. “I’m Carrot Cake, and this is my wife, Cup Cake.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Mr... er...” Mrs. Cake’s sentence trailed off, for she had not heard the fuchsia Earth Pony stallion’s name.

“Murray. Just Murray, miss,” he answered.

“Well, then, Murray,” Mr. Cake began, “allow us to fix you up some food! You must be at least a little hungry.”

Murray nodded vigorously, his mouth already salivating at the prospect of sustenance. “Sure! That’d be nice!” And to punctuate his eagerness to eat, his stomach growled, as if it had heard the proposition of feasting. “Heh... sorry about that.”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” reassured Mrs. Cake.

“Ooh! Ooh!” squeaked Pinkie Pie. “I wanna make the treats! I wanna make the treats!”

“Okay, Pinkie!” said The Cakes in a slightly worried unison. 

“Yay!” Without so much as a warning, Pinkie Pie barreled into the kitchen, and returned in seconds with a small tray of six cupcakes, steaming hot and fresh, the green icing holding small apple slices in them.

“How did she-” started Murray, bamboozled by how quickly the cupcakes were prepared.

“Don’t.” The Cakes warned.

“Trust us: she’s just being Pinkie Pie,” Mrs. Cake explained.

“Yepper pepper! Don’t you fret about a thing, Murrinator!” giggled Pinkie Pie in reassurance, probably due to the look of anxiety plastered upon the ex-hippopotamus’s face. Murray’s face grew questioning and weirded out at the nickname “I’ll make very sure I’ll be the best, super, most spectacular roommate ever!” She ended it in a smile so large that black holes would be envious of its size.

“Er... alright, then,” concluded Murray in slight discomfort. He reached for a cupcake, ignoring the fact that hooves could not grab anything. His hoof nearly squashed the cupcake he wanted so desperately to eat before he realized it.

“Don’t worry!” reassured Pinkie Pie. “Just reach out and grab it!”

“Uh... Okay, Pinkie...” Murray reached out and placed his hoof on the cupcake. He lifted his hoof up, and the cupcake followed suit, attached to his hoof like the suction cup of a squid’s tentacle. He placed the cupcake into his mouth, and chewed voraciously. The confectionary tasted like apples and cinnamon, but intensified by tenfold. 

Before long, Murray and Pinkie had finished the six cupcakes, their stomachs satisfied... well, at least Murray’s stomach; for the pink mare had reached into her poofy mane, withdrew a small slice of blueberry pie, and greedily devoured it in one go.

“Is that even sanitary?” asked Murray.

“Again: it’s just Pinkie being Pinkie,” answered Mr. Cake. “Just... try not to question her logic, or lack thereof.”

“Ahh~!” Pinkie Pie sighed in content from the food she had quite literally inhaled. “Now, c’mon!” She bounced merrily up the stairs towards her sleeping quarters. “Let’s get you upstairs to our room, Murray!”

Murray sighed. The actions of what had transpired in the past five minutes were already taking a toll on the poor ex-hippopotamus’s brain. He walked upstairs, where the double-edged sword of both sleeping and being with Pinkie Pie awaited him.

‘Oh, what the heck... I need the sleep.’
> XII - The Crime That Really Took The Cake (Pt. 1)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Shadow: It’s something you’ve all been waitin’ for, I guess: a canon chapter.

Don’t worry, I won’t deviate from the canon of the episode. Just making additions.



My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic

XII - The Crime That Really Took The Cake (Pt.1)


The next three days had whizzed by at the speed of a subsonic bullet. Carmelita and Rainbow Dash underwent the former’s flying training, and while Carmelita can only fly half as fast as the cerulean pegasus, it was still regarded as progress nonetheless. Soon, she even evolved to working at the Ponyville Police Station, catching any and all ne’er-do-wells (save for the three we all know and love) and discarding them in the Ponyville Jail. Unfortunately, because of her new arrival, she must work her way up from the bottom of the executive food chain to become an inspector once again.

Bentley was assisting Rarity in the Boutique with whatever orders she obtained from clients all across the Equestrian nation. He visited the library occasionally, much to Twilight Sparkle’s delight (seeing as how hardly anypony comes to check out books anymore), to borrow books on magic, something he had been wanting to learn about for a while. He even occasionally walked Sweetie Belle to and from school in the mornings and afternoons, the two sharing the usual brainiac battle along the way, or talking about anything in their lives. The two had practically planted a seed that would soon blossom into the bloom of friendship.

Murray, despite his gluttonous and slothish manners, implored Mr. and Mrs. Cake if they would allow him to work for them; the couple agreed without batting an eye. Murray had also met the Cake twins, Pumpkin and Pound. Unlike his roommate Pinkie Pie, the ex-hippopotamus had no experience or luck in babysitting the two infantile foals. Ergo... they drove him mad on the Friday that Mr. and Mrs. Cake left early for Canterlot to purchase ingredients for a certain cake that took them months of planning and testing.

It was now Saturday, with the beautiful late-afternoon sun of Princess Celestia beaming brilliantly onto the floor of the planet Equis. Allow us to check on ours truly, Sly Cooper and Twilight Sparkle, and see what they’re up to. Since Spike is out on royal Canterlot duties, the two ponies are left to their own devices for entertainment.

Why, look at that: the two of them are alone and-

Oh....

*BUMP! BUMP! BUMP!*

“Ah! Sly! Keep going! You’re almost there!”

*BUMP! BUMP! BUMP!*

“I don’t think-” *BUMP!* “-I can-” *BUMP!* “-make it!”

“Yes, you can! Try harder! C’mon!”

*BUMP! BUMP! BUMP!*

“Oh, yes yes yes yes yes yes yes YES! COME ON! MORE!”

*BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP!”

“Alright, already!”

“HARDERRRRR!”

*BUMP! BUMP!*

“AHHHHHHHH~!”

*WHUMP!*

“NNNNNNNGGGGGAAAAH!!!” roared Sly in frustration, a light sheen of sweat cocooning his gray fur due to all of his exertions. He collapsed to the wooden floor of the Books and Branches Library, panting quietly like a dog in heavy estrus.

“You were so close to a record, too,” said Twilight Sparkle with a slight undertone of disappointment. She was also slightly sweaty from before Sly’s 'giving-it-a-go', even though he had gotten so much closer than she had. 

“Yep,” murmured Sly as he picked up the small purple rubber ball, dotted with white stars, and tossed it in the air by a meter or two, only to catch it again without even glancing at it. “I never was good at math, but I was at... what, 350 bumps?”

“Well, it was actually 347.” Twilight Sparkle relinquished the ball the two were playing with from Sly’s grip and eyed it carefully. She found no lumps of the inner rubber layer on the ball’s surface that would betray the sphere’s condition. However, with her magic, she chucked the rubber ball back upstairs, for she had no use of it. “And while 347 head bumps is impressive,” she continued, “you need about... hmm, over 400 for the new pony record to be broken?”

“I think so...” commented Sly, who had disappeared into the kitchen to pull out a towel from one of the drawers next to the oven. He returned with one for Twilight Sparkle as well, and the two siphoned the light perspiration from their bodies. “Say, where’s Spike? I haven’t seen him since last night.”

“He’s off on Royal Canterlot duties,” answered Twilight Sparkle.

“Ah. I see. He does this every once in a while, then?”

“When he’s called for by Princess Celestia.”

“Speaking of the matter, when - if at all - do I get to meet the Princess?

*RRRR!*

The rumble of their stomachs made the duo grin in mortification. “Er... let’s just get some lunch first, shall we?” suggested Twilight Sparkle said in slight embarrassment. “After that, I’ll be able to answer all your questions; I can’t think on an empty stomach like this.”

“Alright, then. Where to?”

“I’ve got it all figured out,” she giggled. She knew where to venture next: Sugarcube Corner. 

The two set out from the Books and Branches Library and trotted to the alleged gingerbread house-shaped bakery, ready to eat whatever the elusive mare Pinkie Pie had concocted in the kitchens.

After deciding that a pair of chocolate-chip granola bars, apples, and wheat-shakes was enough to satisfy an appetite, the two had decided to enjoy the rays of sunshine blanketing them as they laid down in the shade of a nearby tree, talking about whatever interesting the two’s minds: weather, books, sports, books, history, books, museums with priceless jewelry, books, more books, and just about anything related to books.

‘Good grief... she must really love books.’

“Er, Twilight?” A supposed-to-be bubbly voice began. “Sly? We could use your help.”

Twilight Sparkle and Sly looked at Pinkie Pie, the speaker, and went wide-eyed at what they saw beside her.

The largest cake, towering four stories high, colored in the most elegant of yellow and hot pink, and topped with a granny smith apple and tangerine inside a small pile of whipped cream, was balanced atop the back of a red stallion with an orange mane and tail, as well as a yoke around his neck and a macintosh apple half for his Cutie Mark. Pinkie Pie was wearing a cyan construction cap with a red blinking light upon it. A whole area, from the bakery to what looked like the train station, was clearing by yellow-and-black “Keep Out!” posts. Rainbow Dash, Carmelita, and Fluttershy were supporting the base of the cake with thick ropes. However, the cake kept teeter-tottering back and forth, despite all the effort. 

Murray and the Cake couple had gone along as well, to ensure the cake was secure. Mr. Cake was sweating like an obese swine, hyperventilating furiously in an attempt to not faint. Mrs. Cake simply had a worried look upon her face; Murray was torn between gluttony towards the mouth-watering cake before him, and fear for the cake’s possible, if not imminent, desecration.

While Twilight Sparkle was irked and frustrated that Carmelita was asked to tag along, she disregarded her annoyance for a second to wonder what in Tartarus Pinkie Pie was doing.

“Uh, Pinkie?” she started. “What’s going on?”

“We gotta get the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness over to the train station!” She explained. “Twilight? Sly? Could you help us out here?”

The two in question looked at each other briefly to see of the other was up to the task.


~Twenty-Five Seconds Later~


The group, now with Twilight Sparkle and Bentley using their magic to hold the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness, with Applejack and Rarity toting a large white trampoline in case it fell behind Big Macintosh, were almost at the Ponyville train station. Any sign of the cake even beginning to fall had Mr. Cake drop dead in a faint. But at last, they reached the entrance to the train station.

“Almost there!” said Pinkie Pie in anticipation. “See? I got it there without a hitch, Mr. and Mrs. Cake!” Now we just gotta get it-” She stopped when she whirled around when she saw the size of the door she was loading the cake into. “-in?”

Instantly, Mr. Cake thought of the cake’s top story being dethroned by the threshold of the door, and instantly fainted again at the thought.

Bentley sighed, then asked, “Does anyone have a screwdriver and hammer?”


~Twenty-Five MORE Seconds Later~


Bentley exhaled exhaustively as the last screw was drilled into place and Big Mac started hammering at the left wall of the dessert car to secure it. “Well, that oughta do it,” he muttered. “Thanks for the help, Mr. Macintosh.”

“Eeyup.” The stoic stallion nodded before turning around, and walking back to the barn. All the ponies planning to partake in the dessert competition in Canterlot boarded the Friendship Express. 

“Thank you for letting us attend this dessert competition, Pinkie,” said Twilight Sparkle, once they were all about the dessert car, and the large four-story cake was secured upon a white-clothed table.

“And thank you for helping me with the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness,” replied Pinkie Pie with a grin. 

“Gee, that sure looks like a delicious cake,” Carmelita commented, the appealing cake making her a tad hungrier than prior the trip.

“Ah’ll say. Ah can’t wait t’ try out all those tasty treats.” Applejack reached out to break off a piece and sample it, only to be slapped on the hoof by Pinkie Pie.

“Uh-uh-uhhh,” tutted Murray with a frown. “It took months of planning and testing in order to get this cake right.” Sly, Bentley, and Carmelita were shocked. Normally, the ex-hippopotamus would be responsible for destroying a cake such as the one that graced their eyes.

“Yep!” Pinkie Pie giggled. “Well, the tastiest treat of all is sure to be the Cakes’ Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness! All that rich, creamy goodness of the marzipan, combined with the tart tanginess of the mascarpone, blended perfectly with the smooth, silky sweetness of the meringue.” Her description of the Cakes’ cake caused everyone to instantly go hungry, start watering at the mouth, or fantasise about eating it. “That’s why I call the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness the MMMM!”

“Mmmm....” They all hummed in a hypnotized ecstasy.

“Exactly. It’s the most delicious, delectable, delightful, de-lovely cake in Equestria, and it’s sure to win first prize!”

“Zis is not so!” said an angry French voice, causing everypony to turn their heads in shock. Entering the dessert car was a peculiar beast - a griffin, the majestic and legendary fusion of eagle and lion. The eagle feathers were as grey as tainted snow, and the leonine body was the same hue as lustrous charcoal. Complementing the griffin was a black curly moustache upon his golden beak, a red neckerchief, and a white chef’s hat on his head. “For I, Gustave le Grand, do challenge your crude cake to a duel of delectable delicacies against my...”

At once, Gustave whipped out a silver platter that was topped a meter high with chocolate-covered eclairs, the white vanilla creme filling oozing out of a few of them. “Exceptionally Exquisite Eclairs!” 

While the name and food appeared rather nice, unfortunately, Gustave also decided to blind everypony by shining a small floodlight of a lamp on his eclairs to heighten their appeal. Luckily, he had the sense to dispose of the lamp post-haste afterwards. Once Gustave le Grand placed his eclairs on an adjacent table, he went on to say “Zey will undoubtedly strike down all ze competition, winning first prize and crowning me le champion!”

‘This guy is way too much of a blowhard,’ thought Sly.

“Not a chance, le Grand!” A voice with a Manehattan-accent hollered. Heads turned for a second time to reveal an Earth Pony stallion with a khaki coat, light brown mane and tail, white cook’s hat and shirt, and a strawberry-glazed doughnut Cutie Mark. 

“Donut Joe!” exclaimed Twilight Sparkle in surprise. “What are you doing here in Ponyville?”

“Picking up the final, all-important ingredient for my contest entry,” hesitated Donut Joe with a cocky, devilish grin on his muzzle before spinning around and wheeled his entry into the dessert car. “DONUTOPIA!!!”

The entry consisted of an entire city - somewhat similar to Manhattan back on Earth, or Manehattan of Equestria - comprised completely of doughnuts, stacked entirely on top of one another to make the perfect diorama of a complex and bustling city. Everyone went wide-eyed in awe at the marvelous sight before them. With a smirk, Donut Joe whipped out a container of sprinkles and shook the open end upon the city of Donutopia, making it gleam and shine with delicious sprinkles.

“And with these super sprinkles, my doughnuts are gonna dunk all the other lousy desserts, steal first prize, and make my doughnut shop famous! Forever!” Donut Joe punctuated this promise by laughing maniacally, like he was plotting to take over the world.

“Aren’t you milking this a bit much with that laugh?” asked Bentley, earning a frustrated glare from the doughnut salespony.

“Oh, Joe, oo-hoo, your dippy donuts could never outrun me, ooh,” a meek voice, belonging to an elderly lady, called from outside the train. Once again, all the dessert car’s occupants turned their heads around to witness a... chocolate moose enter the train?

“Hello!” introduced Pinkie Pie with a genuine “What’s your name?”

“I am Mulia Miles. Mmm.” Behind the moose stepped out a mule, ripe with old age. Her characteristics included a khaki coat, a face more weathered than a canyon, a turquoise-beaded necklace, and black poofy hair. She even spoke like an elderly person, punctuating her statements with a croon or two in her speech. “Behold, my Chocolate Mousse Moose!” Looks of shock and frustration settled upon the faces of the other attendees of the competition. “It will trample all your treats, be getting first prize, and make me the greatest chef in Equestria!” Mulia Miles ended in a croon.

“Madame Miles!” Interjected Gustave, tapping on Mulia’s muzzle in an admonishing manner; “you and your mousse moose are mistaken.”

“Your frou-frou eclairs will never defeat my doughnuts!” boasted Donut Joe as he pointed at the griffin.

“The Cakes’ Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness is going to win!” blurted Pinkie Pie confidently, causing surprise to rock the three other bakers like an earthquake.

“Yeah! All your desserts suck compared to the MMMM!” cheered Murray as he butted into the conversation.

“Murray, not now,” deadpanned Sly as he yanked Murray out of the group of bakers.

“Awwww....”

“Your simple cake could never take my moose!” rebutted Mulia Miles simply.

The arguing would’ve continued on and on, probably until one of the four were wasted away by the weathering River of Time; however-

*WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!*

*CHUGGA...CHUGGA...CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA-*

The train was departing for Canterlot. Steam billowed from the wheels of the train, coating the Ponyville train station in a layer of fog. All the while, the four bakers Pinkie Pie, Gustave le Grand, Donut Joe, and Mulia Miles glared intensely at each other in anger. 

Luckily, Twilight Sparkle helped put a stop to it. “Well, it looks like we’re in for a delicious competition tomorrow. Maybe we should settle in for a good night’s sleep.”

“As do I,” concurred Bentley. “When we get there in the morning, we will see who the real victor is in this little battle of the bakers.”

And so, the bakers, save for Pinkie Pie, stalked off to their rooms on the Friendship Express, grumbling to themselves as they did so. They entered their compartments and slammed the sliding doors shut so they wouldn’t have to look at one another for a moment long.

Rainbow Dash yawned and cracked her back in exhaustion. “I gotta admit, I’m pretty beat.”

“Yeah,” agreed Applejack. “Ah’m gonna hit th’ hay mahself.”

“Likewise,” concurred Carmelita.

Soon, the others followed, only to be blocked by the erratic pink mare. “Wait!” Pinkie Pie hollered. “Didn’t you hear those chefs?! We have to protect MMMM!”

Rarity glanced at the cake, then back at the Element of Laughter. “MMMM?”

“Mm-hmm! I know for super sure that MMMM is the best dessert in all of Equestria, and I know that they know it, too!”

“Sooo...” drawled Rainbow Dash in slight sarcasm, wishing for Pinkie Pie to proceed so that they can all get some sleep.

“Sooo one of them is gonna sabotage that Cakes’ cake tonight!” The pink one finished. “You have to help me stand guard.”

The nine other ponies glanced at each and snickered, save for Murray, as he also took part in preparing the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness (Granted, it was the “taste-tasting” part).

“Pinkie,” admonished Twilight Sparkle with a smile. “You’re overreacting.”

“Yeah, those chefs aren’t gonna do your cake any harm,” promised Applejack.

“But they are!” persisted Pinkie Pie, grabbing the apple farmer’s face to help get her message through. “I just know it!”

“Fine,” Rainbow Dash decided, “if you wanna stand guard, then go for it. We’re going to bed!” At that, she zoomed over Pinkie’s head and into her room, leaving a dome-like indentation in her poofy hot-pink mane. Seconds later, the indentation filled out like an inflated balloon, returning Pinkie Pie’s mane back to its original chaotic style.

As the other ponies walked past Pinkie Pie and into their rooms for the night, the pink mare sat down on the ground in defeat, her chest running amuck with feelings of pain. Why didn’t they believe her? Surely, someone would damage the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness, wouldn’t they?

“Murray?” she started. “You’re not leaving me, right?”

Murray stopped and sighed, then turned to face Pinkie Pie with a grin. “Of course I won’t,” answered the fuschia male Earth Pony. “I’ll stick by you the whole night if we have to.”

Pinkie Pie beamed widely before tackling Murray in a large hug. “YAY!” She squeaked loudly as she nuzzled him.

“Pinkie! My ribs! You’re breaking... my ribs!” Murray wheezed in anguish. Indubitably, the sound of cracking emanated from Murray’s torso, signaling that Pinkie Pie was hugging him just a little too hard.

“Whoops! Sorry!” Without warning, Pinkie Pie jumped in front of the cake and spread her forelegs out to shield it from anything that would come its way. “We’ll show them! We’ll stay up all night and protect you, MMMM! Nothing and nopony will stop us from keeping you safe!”

She got down of the table and started watching the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness with the most intense of leers.

Murray sighed and started patrolling the perimeters of the dessert car. “This is gonna be a long night....” he grumbled.

And a long night it was to be.
> XIII - The Crime That Really Took The Cake (Pt. 2)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------



My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic





	XIII - The Crime That Really Took The Cake (Pt.2)



*COCKA-DOODLE-DOOOOOOOOOOOO!*

The far off crow of the rooster, as well as the sun’s blinding brightness awoke all of the occupants of the Friendship Express. Twilight Sparkle awoke to the sun’s light, rubbing her large eyes with her hooves to rid them of their sleep paralysis. She descended down the small ladder of the bunk bed to awaken Sly, who was sleeping in the bed beneath her own. “Sly... wake up,” she said.

The ex-raccoon slid his eyes ajar, wiping his eyes much like the lilac unicorn had before. “I’m up.”

“We’re almost to Canterlot; just a few more hours.” To start off the morning, the two were presented with their breakfast: a few eggs served sunny-side up with two rashers of hay bacon, a glass of orange juice, and a small clove of garish to accent the eggs. 

Once those were down the gullet and their teeth were brushed and flossed of any debris from their feeding, Twilight Sparkle opened the door and made her way to the dessert car next door, with Sly following her.

When they opened the door, both of their jaws went slack.

Pinkie Pie and Murray lay on the floor, one snuggling the other as they lay there, out cold and asleep. “Pinkie...” The unicorn groaned... until she gazed upon the cake. “Whoa!” exclaimed Twilight Sparkle at the sight of the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness.

“What the-?” Sly began, only for their exclamations to noisily awake both Pinkie Pie and Murray simultaneously. 

“What? Where? Who? Why?” They both said in perfect unison. Twilight Sparkle facehoofed, exhaling an exasperated sigh. Pinkie Pie and Murray shared a laugh at the small coincidence before the latter backed away from the former from how close they were together. Pinkie smiled when she saw that, from her point of view, the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness was in one piece.

“Oh, MMMM!” eked Pinkie Pie. “You look mmmmarvelous!”

“You liked the way we guarded the heck outta this bad boy, Twi?” Murray crossed forelegs over his chest in pride, which made Sly tilt his head in curiosity and confusion.

‘...Last time I checked, ponies’ forelegs aren’t supposed to be flexible like that.’

“Think again, you two,” Twilight Sparkle said as she advanced forward to rotate the table bearing the cake. “Look...”

“Look at wha-?” The two pink ponies were cut off mid-sentence by the sight of the four-story cake. They both gasped tremendously in shock and surprise at the cake’s desecration: massive bite marks, much like those of ferocious sharks, were carved upon the three bottom stories of the cake’s sacred surface.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-!” Screamed Pinkie Pie.

“FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-” wailed Murray, before getting a hoof in the mouth from Sly to silence him. Sly leered at him with an uncomfortable and dumbfounded gaze, similar to the way a father would look at his paraplegic daughter when he has to tell her that her obsession and dreams of becoming a ballerina will never come true. He then shook his head, a nonverbal way of telling Murray that ponies shouldn’t know how to swear. Murray seemed to have gotten the message through, for he nodded and tried to do a thumbs-up...

Except for that he had no thumbs.

"Son of a-!" Murray growled before sighing in defeat and irritation.

“Whu- what is it?” asked Applejack sleepily as all the other occupants of the cart entered the dessert car.

“What happened?” inquired Rainbow Dash.

“It’s the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness!” explained Pinkie Pie. “It’s been... mutilated!” She dryly sobbed these words out. All the occupants gasped in shock. Soon, Pinkie Pie donned a serious guise. “Now we just need to found out who done it!”

Twilight Sparkle said, “You mean who did it.”

“Exactly! Who did done dood it!” 

A pause ensued. Somewhere, possibly in another universe, several conscientious beings felt a slight disturbance run through them at Pinkie’s innocent - yet still harmful - assault upon the English/Equestrian language, or as they like to call it “their grammar-jimmies being rustled”.

After the pause died down, Twilight Sparkle began, “Well, having read many mystery novels, I know that the only way to discover the culprit is to investigate.”

“Exactly!” As if out of nowhere, Pinkie Pie brought forth a monochromatic Sherlock Hooves hat, as well as a pipe. The four Earthlings were a bit appalled that smoking existed in this seemingly colourful and cheerful world, until Pinkie blew on the pipe, expelling forth a crowd of bubbles. One bubble expanded in front of Twilight Sparkle’s face, engulfing her head and popping when it reached its peak. “And as chief detective, that’s exactly what I’m gonna do!”

“Okay, how does she get these random things?!” Sly whispered to Bentley.

“It seems she’s been given the ability to access hammerspace,” the green unicorn replied, pushing his glasses up with his hoof.

“Hammerspace?”

“Yes. Hammerspace is essentially the infinite amount of space within something in which items are stored. Inventories in video games are a prime example, as the character is somehow able to hold a metric crap-ton of stuff without any sign of even a bag on him or her.”

“Ohhh...” Sly nodded. “Alright.”

“Uh, you’re investigatin’?” Applejack asked, her southern belle voice glazed with doubt.

“Yes!” Pinkie Pie rammed a black bowler hat onto Twilight’s head. “And Twilight shall be my lowly assistant, who asks silly questions with obvious answers!” Pinkie trotted around the cart, blowing her bubble pipe.

“Ooh! Ooh! What about me?” Murray asked excitedly. “What can I be?”

As if her mane was an endless void filled with all assortments of random knick-knacks and doo-hickeys, Pinkie Pie pulled out a second bowler hat and slammed it onto Murray’s head. “You can also be an assistant!”

“Hooray!” The ex-hippo hopped around the train in joy.

“Tch!” Carmelita stepped forward. “If you wanna find the perpetrator, why not let a real detective handle this?”

A spasm of annoyance flickered through Twilight Sparkle, making her eyebrow twitch. Regardless, she sighed and shrugged the matter off. “Well, Pinkie, should we start looking for clues?”

“Hey! Answer me!”

“Perfect silly question, Twilight,” began Pinkie Pie, “because the obvious answer is....”

“Yes?” guessed Twilight Sparkle.

“Stop ignoring me! I have a guess at who did it!”

“No!” Pinkie corrected. “Because I know who did it!” Gasps rang out at what the pink party animal said.

“IT WAS SLY THAT DID IT! COME ON, GUYS! I’M IMPORTANT, TOO!”

“No, you’re only semi-important. And no one loves you,” deadpanned the ‘lowly assistant’ with a glare at the ex-fox, who only snarled and glared at the unicorn. “Regardless, Pinkie Pie, how could you possibly know?”

“How could I possibly not know?” the pink one commenced, “Clearly, this dastardly deed was done by the baker, who knew that their dessert could not measure up to the mastery of the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness. I guess you fear your eclairs lacked flair... GUSTAVE!” She pointed a hoof of accusation at the French griffin before spinning a spontaneous (and obviously ludicrous) web of how Gustav sabotaged the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness by not only tying Pinkie Pie and Murray on the tracks in front of the very train they were on, but how he had placed the four-story cake on a conveyor belt that lead to a sawblade that would slice the confectionery into pieces.

The overall tale had a very Western and old-timey feel it.  “...Thus destroying the cake and the Cakes’ chance at winning the Nation Dessert Competition!” Pinkie was glaring down at Gustave le Grand whilst atop both Mulia Miles’s and Donut Joe’s heads.

“But it makes no sense!” exclaimed Twilight.

Pinkie jammed the mouthpiece of her bubble pipe into the cheek of the lilac unicorn. “What do you mean, lowly assistant?”

“Well, first, if we were still tied to the train tracks, how are you and I still here?” Murray asked.

Pinkie Pie blew on her bubble pipe some more. “Huh... guess that isn’t a totally silly question.”

“You guess? You guess?” Carmelita facehoofed. “Oh, for the love of-!”

“And second,” countered Twilight Sparkle, “the cake hasn’t been sliced; it’s been bitten.” Twilight Sparkle pointed a hoof at the cake. “Just look at the teeth marks!”

Pinkie Pie brought her face up close to the cake and its oral lacerations. “Hmmm... you’re right, my fine fellow.”

“Of course she’s right!” Bentley exclaimed in frustration. “It doesn’t take a moron to find that out!”

        “Bentley, would you just-!” Sly blurted as he crammed his hoof in Bentley’s mouth before being cut off again.

“Gustave le Grand is clearly in the clear,” Pinkie continued, “which means that MMMM was destroyed by another baker... a baker whose doughnuts are do-nots! That’s right: it was JOE!”

“Oh boy, here we go again,” murmured Applejack in disdain.

“Or as he’s known in the spy world... Mane. Con Mane!” Pinkie, once again, reeled into a story of the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness’s destruction by ‘Con Mane’, who had gassed Pinkie Pie and Murray and used a mirror to reflect the beams of the invisible, infrared laser security system (Sly shuddered) and slice the cake into pieces.

Did I also mention that in the end, Con Mane gets covered in mares?

Indeed he was. For, you see, Con Mane always gets all the mares. Always.

...Moving on.

“...Crushing the Cake’s chances to win!” Pinkie Pie concluded, glaring down at a nervous Donut Joe with the fury of a dragon.

“Pinkie!” interjected an incredulous Twilight Sparkle, her hat catching a few seconds of airtime before plopping back onto her head. “There is no laser security system! And Joe is no sleek, stealthy Con Mane: he’s big, gruff, and messy!”

“Hey!” retorted Donut Joe defensively.

“Although, you would look rather dapper in a tuxedo,” Rarity eked, giving Donut Joe a vivid image of what he looked like and what he’d accomplish.

...Oh, come on! Did you not see the look on his face when Rarity said that? He was like a fat colt in a candy store that had a chocolate waterfall out front.

“Hmm... you may be right, lowly assistant,” began Pinkie Pie.

“Maybe?” echoed Twilight Sparkle in slight frustration.

“Don’t bother,” advised Murray. “It’s Pinkie Pie: she’s hard to understand. She’s more complex than a Rubik’s Cube taped to a Jigsaw puzzle taped to a terrorist that’s screaming at you in another language.”

All the passengers on board looked at Murray confusedly. “...Exactly.”

“...Anyways, now that I’m taking a closer look at the desserts, I see that one cannot simply look me in the eye.” Disregarding Murray’s odd choice of words, Pinkie Pie fired a leer at the chocolate mousse moose.

“Pinkie! That moose is a moose!” countered Twilight Sparkle.

“Yes, and the mule behind the moose panicked when she saw the mastery of the MMMM!”

“So you’re saying that the culprit is...?”

“Mulia Miles!” Pinkie redirected her glare at the defenceless middle-aged mule. She then pressed on about how Mulia belongs to an ancient clan of mule ninjas, and that her task from her sensei was to incapacitate the two ponies (with a frying pan) safeguarding the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness and destroy the cake once and for all.

“...Putting an end to the Cakes’ dream of winning first prize!” Pinkie Pie said. “Hmph! I hope you’re proud of yourself, Mulia!”

“Pinkie, stop! This is ridiculous!” scolded Twilight Sparkle. “Look at her!” When she pointed at Mulia Miles, all eyes turned to the mule, who was on the ground and quaking in anxiety and fear.

“Moreover, she looks like she has neither the flexibility nor the stealthy talent of a highly-trained shinobi,” explained Bentley.

“Hum... I guess you’re right,” admitted Pinkie Pie.

“Thank you!” exhaled Twilight, glad that the exacerbation was coming to an end.

“Oh, but I was so sure that it was one of the other bitter bakers that destroyed the MMMM. That way, their delicious desserts would reign supreme.” The other bakers turned their heads in disdain at Pinkie Pie’s words. “I mean, just look at Joe’s Donutopia! It’s a spectacular city of doughnut-y delight, topped temptingly with sprinkalicious sprinkles!” About a third of the passengers started going gaga for the donut city diorama. 

“And Gustave’s eclairs look incredibly edible with glistening glaziness!” Two-thirds of the passengers’ mouths were watering, their full-from-breakfast stomachs suddenly feeling empty.

“But then there’s Mulia Miles’s mousse moose!” Pinkie exhaled in euphoria as she wrapped a foreleg around the neck of the confectionery. “Why, this mouthwateringly marvelous mousse moose tempts the taste buds with its silky-smooth, yummy-nummy chocolatey-ness!” In that instant, all the passengers felt hungrier than a whole Saddle Arabian family after a month-long fast.

Pinkie made her way back to her desecrated cake. “So why did this criminal devour the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness while leaving this trio of tasty treats untouched?”

“Well, I have no clue,” Carmelita said as she stepped forward. “But right now, it couldn’t get any worse, yes?”

Bentley facehoofed. “Yep, we’re doomed.”

“Why do you say that?” Donut Joe whispered to Bentlay.

“Because back home, there’s this universal law known as ‘Murphy’s Law’, and it basically states if anything can go wrong with something, it will go wrong. You just ought not to challenge that law, is all. Whatsoever.” Bentley's expression darkened at that word: he knew of the horrible things that happened when someone challenged Murphy's Law.

“Back home?” Gustave tilted his head in curiosity. “You mean zat you are not from around here? Zen where did you come from?”

“A long way, Gustave,” Sly answered simply in Bentley’s place. “Let’s just leave it at that.”

As if by fate, the train entered a pitch-black tunnel in, deadening everyone’s sense of sight and covering their retinas in an impenetrable blanket of darkness. The sound of chewing and munching reached everyone’s ears, followed by a shriek of terror; feminine, by the sounds of it. When the train vacated the cavern, everyone looked shocked and appalled at what had occurred to the trio of desserts.

Mulia Miles’s chocolate mousse mouse had been violently chomped upon, until only a few of the legs and the head remained, the latter laying pathetically on the platform it was to be carted around in. Donut Joe’s Donutopia had been orally desecrated as well, the city’s mighty and glazed buildings destroyed in such a manner that would rival Godzilla’s ferocious destruction of Tokyo. Gustave le Grand’s Exceptionally Exquisite Eclairs were the last to go, leaving only a little over half a dozen half-eaten eclairs to ooze their creamy fillings onto the platter they rested upon.

Pinkie Pie shook her head, her eyes glazed over with worry and melancholy. “Now I have no idea who do doned it!” 

        “Dun-dun-duuuun!” Murray said dramatically.
        
"Ya know what?! That's it." Despite not having fingers, Bentley grabbed Murray by the ear and dragged him into the next car over. "There will be words about your foolishness, Murray! Honestly..."

"Dang it... not again."

> XIV - The Crime That Really Took The Cake (Pt. 3)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic



Written by Deyeaz


with the help of the ever-brilliant Alex Rite



XIV - The Crime That Really Took The Cake (Pt. 3)


        It had been a few minutes since Bentley had finished his chiding to Murray about how “you shouldn’t make situations feel and seem worse if they are already going horribly wrong”. Murray, of course, said that he apologises... yet only disingenuously. Murray would have his little bit of trolling fun again. When? Well, not even I know that, fellow readers.

Where? I don’t know that either.

Why? Well... why not?

        Meanwhile, the competitors in the National Dessert Competition were mourning the destruction of their contest entries, painful melancholy poisoning their very being as they stared down at their mutilated treats. Gustave Le Grand winced at the sight of his decimated eclairs, Mulia Miles could only weep for her slaughtered chocolate-mousse moose, and Donut Joe help back the urge to cry as he laid hurt eyes upon his ruined Donutopia. “This mystery gets more mysterious every minute!” exclaimed Pinkie Pie, puffing on her bubble pipe. 

        “Well, you have to stop the wild accusations and get to the truth, eh?” What Twilight said may have sounded like a request, yet it was indeed a bit of a demand. At least, to her.

        “Agreed,” Bentley said, returning with a slightly bashful Murray. “Everyone-”

        “Everypony,” interrupted Rarity.

        “Don’t care.” Bentley cleared his throat, leaving Rarity scoffing in offence. “Everyone, please return back to your temporary locomotive quarters whilst my companions and I attempt to unravel this mysterious atrocity.” Rather than expecting the chefs to comprehend what he said, they stared at the ex-reptile with a look of bewilderment.

        Carmelita sighed and rubbed her temples in agitation. “What the dork said was that you should go back to your rooms while we try to solve this crime.” Gustave Le Grand, Mulia Miles, and Donut Joe finally nodded and hummed in understanding as they did as they were instructed and receded back to their quarters. “Anyways,” resumed Carmelita, “you can’t simply just accuse people-”

        “Ponies,” interjected Rainbow Dash.

        “No.” Rainbow launched an upset glare at Carmelita, who shook her head at the polychromatic athlete’s arbitrary correction. “You can’t simply accuse people without having evidence first...” Carmelita hesitated, the name of the pink baker slipping her mind as if her hooves were slick with water and the name itself was a soap bar. “Er... it was Pinkie Pie, correct?”

        “Yepper-pepper-depper!” bubbly answered Pinkie. 

        Twilight, who despite her supreme dislike of the ex-fox, nodded in concurrence. “Right. So, Pinkie, if we’re going to solve this mystery, we need to find clues,” she said, emphasising the last word, as if the pink pony she was addressing was a clueless little filly. With her magic, the wisteria mare swapped hats with the pink mare, and removed the bubble pipe from Pinkie’s mouth. With a disinfecting washcloth, Twilight wiped the pipe’s mouthpiece and equipped it into her maw before blowing a small squad of bubbles.

        “Precisely,” said Carmelita, shaking her head to clear it and make way for more brainstorming and hypothesising. “As a matter of fact, I think I may have an idea.”

        “You do?” Sly tilted his head in confusion. “That was fast, wasn’t it?”

        “Yes.” Carmelita cleared her throat and glided her tongue along her lips. “It was Sly,” she concluded simply.

        Well... nopony said that her brainstorming and hypothesising had to be logical.

        Gasps befell many of the ponies in the audience. Only Twilight, Murray, and Bentley were skeptical about it, their doubt palpable by their facial expressions and scoffs; Sly merely looked offended at her accusation. “What?” The four said.

        “Carmelita, why would you say something as illogical as that?” Bentley asked of her.

        “Oh, c’mon!” Carmelita pointed at Sly with an accusing hoof. “He’s a thief. He steals things. He probably ate some cake!”

        “Yeah, I steal things. From criminals!” Sly retorted. “What use would I have with cake? I can’t eat it and not end up looking like the Pillsbury dough boy later on!”

        “Besides, how could Sly have stolen the cake?” Twilight stepped forward to back Sly up in his defence. “He was sleeping with me the whole night!”

        “Oh. Sleeping with you, eh?” Carmelita said wryly, wagging her eyebrows and hinting at what she thought was a rather lewd “pastime”.

        “What do you-” Twilight Sparkle stopped midsentence, finally comprehending what Carmelita was getting at. Almost instantly, her wisteria-hued cheeks flooded with red and burned with heat. “Wha- UGH! It’s not like that!”

        “Carmelita, that’s gross.” Sly grimaced heavily at the ex-fox’s accusations. “I mean... come on, why would Twilight do that? We’re friends, remember?”

“Y-yeah!” Twilight said, taken by surprise by his words. He just thought of themselves as friends? “I mean, why would I do that? Th-that’s not what you do with friends, anyway.”

“Oh? Methinks otherwise, judging by the looks on your face,” mused Carmelita, wagging her eyebrows.

“Okay, enough!” Sly stomped on the floor with a strong hoof. “Now can we please please please please pleeease get back to this treat-eating crime and be done with it?”

Carmelita scowled. Even though she was vehement and so adamant about her opinions on Sly’s “thievery”, she still felt guilty for accusing him. She and him had some history back home; both good and bad memories swam through her heads like ravenous sharks around a bleeding albacore. She remembered the first time Sly had kissed her at the Krakarov Volcano in Russia: It had been after they had defeated Clockwerk, the large mechanical owl that had murdered Sly’s father and had stolen the Cooper family book: the Thievius Raccoonus.

As the cop and robber had promised, Carmelita would give Sly a ten-second head start to flee as fast as he could after they had rid the world of Clockwerk. However, she knew something was off when Sly hesitated in running away. When the seconds had transpired... he had snaked in a kiss from her. And while she felt her heart soar like a rocket... when she went to leave, she had found that her right wrist had been cuffed to a railing where the facility once stood.

Boy, was she positively beside herself on that day.

“Fine,” Carmelita said, sighing heavily. 

“Anyways...” Twilight shook her head to rid herself of the rather graphic image that had rudely invaded her mind. “So, Pinkie Pie, you were up, guarding the cake, all night.”

Pinkie looked at Twilight, slightly appalled by her sentence. She put a hoof to her chest and let out an offended gasp. “You’re not accusing me, are you?”

“No!” Twilight looked back at Pinkie, blowing on the pipe some more. “But maybe you saw something that can help us!”

“Ohhh... well... I saw a silhouette in the moonlight,” began Pinkie, reminiscing what went down earlier in the night.

“Good,” Carmelita said, nodding in approval. “Let’s try to retrace your steps.” With a salute, Pinkie started walking... backwards... towards the end of the train. With a roll of her eyes, Twilight followed her, with a scoffing Carmelita in tow.

“Then, I chased the culprit to the end of the train towards the caboose,” explained Pinkie Pie, opening the caboose door to reveal a kitchen-like section of the train, with sink, cupboards, and kitchen appliances and utensils. “But when I got there, he was gone.” Twilight and Carmelita entered the room and began sweeping the area for any clues or evidence that would assist them in their investigation.

“Aha!” Twilight said, her horn glowing. “Our first clue.” Carmelita grinned at what they had found, but when Pinkie Pie had tried to examine what they had discovered, Twilight was already sealing up a manilla envelope, the evidence that the ex-fox and unicorn had gathered hidden from prying eyes. Twilight tucked away the envelope into her gray saddlebag.

“I think we know who did it, Pinkie Pie,” Carmelita informed the pink pony, a smug look on her face. The pastel equine’s brow shot up in surprise at the sudden news.

“Really? Already?”

“Yes. But I need more evidence to confirm.” Twilight vacated the room with Pinkie Pie and Carmelita. “Tell us what happened next.”

“Well, I heard somepony else in the desert car and chased them up to the engine.” Pinkie explained as they then bolted down the train to the engine room. As they sprinted down, they saw the others bumming around in the locomotive’s sleeping quarters car: Sly was taking a short nap on his bunk; Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were preening themselves; Applejack was untying and retying her trusty lasso; Rarity was fussing over her mane, which was hanging over her right eye for some unknown reason; Bentley was trying to use his magic to make macrame out of a few stray rubber bands he found, and Murray was bouncing a rubber ball off of the car’s ceiling, saying “Bored” in a monotonous and repeated voice in rhythm with every ricochet.

“...But when I got there, all I saw was the conductor shoveling coal.” Pinkie concluded when the investigators reached the engine room, an area cramped with an abundance of black coal. On the room’s other side was the khaki-coloured Earth Pony conductor, a striped conductor’s cap on his brown-maned head and a red bandana draped around his neck, tossing in mound after mound of the black diamonds into the engine, fueling the locomotive even more.

“The conductor, eh?” Carmelita walked over and yanked off the conductor’s headwear before looking into it. The conductor only watched lazily as Twilight glanced in and gasped at what sat inside of the cap before her.

“But that doesn’t make any sense!” The unicorn exclaimed.

“I know... but still, evidence is evidence, and this says it all.” Carmelita watched as Twilight removed a second clue from the hat’s inside and stashed it in another manilla envelope before hiding it in her saddlebag. Pinkie had been trying to observe what the second clue could possibly be, but simply wore an agitated look upon her face as soon as the envelope was magicked out of sight. Carmelita replaced the cap back onto the head of the conductor, who simply adopted a slightly stuck-up look before returning to shoveling coal.

“What happened next, Pinkie?” Twilight asked of the pastel pony.

“Well... I went back to the desert car.” As quick as lightning, Pinkie Pie swapped hats with Twilight and made a mad dash back to the dessert car. Twilight and Carmelita followed and saw Pinkie fervently sweeping the area with a magnifying glass, checking every single nook and cranny for clues.

However, Pinkie Pie strayed too close to Twilight, who looked down upon her with lacklustre-glazed eyes. Pinkie grinned sheepishly at her presence, but with a dejected sigh, returned the large trilby hat back upon Twilight’s head while Pinkie wore the insipid-looking bowler hat once again. “...Yes?” Twilight said, expecting more from the baker that laid not one foot before her.

“Well, the curtains mysteriously closed, all on their own.”

“Strange...” Carmelita began pacing back and forth, she and Twilight simultaneously mulling the information around in their minds. “What else is there to tell?”

“I heard hoofsteps, a loud thud-” To emphasise her explanation, Pinkie Pie slammed straight into the wall of the car, falling on her hindquarters onto the floor with an unpleasant bump. “And then they were gone! When I opened the curtains, I saw the portrait by the door was all crooked.”

Twilight and Carmelita inched closer to the painting, examining it thoroughly. Almost at once, they spotted something rather appalling. “Oh my! What is... that!?” Her shock became more and more palpable as time stretched on. Twilight magically extracted whatever as on the portrait, placed the evidence in a third manilla envelope, and tucked it away in her saddlebag with the rest of the clues.

Pinkie Pie, who had been attempting to see what they had discovered, failed to even catch a glimpse of the clue yet again. She let out a feral growl, steam billowing from her ears in huge blasts due to her frustration.

“What next, Pinkie?” Carmelita inquired, turning around to face the pink mare, who quickly removed the look of anger on her face so that none may see it.

“That’s it!” said Pinkie in a bubbly tone. “I was guarding the cake the rest of the night.” Upon the combined force of both Twilight and Carmelita’s stares of skepticism, Pinkie’s lie was demolished in a mere fraction of a second. “I mean... I slept by the cake the rest of the night.”

“And when you woke up, half of the cake was gone?” Twilight inspected the cake once more.

“Exactly!”

“By Jove, I think we’ve got it!” Carmelita said, the orange ex-fox beaming with delight. “Quick, Pinkie Pie, call everyone back: we’ve got a cake culprit to catch!”






Several moments later, after the case had been solved and Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy confess to eating the cake....






After Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy finished their apologies, Carmelita looked around the room with a smug grin on her face.

"A blue feather, a pink hair strand, and a false eyelash... well, it looks like I've solved another mystery," she said a bit proudly. "No thanks is necessary."

"Unfortunately, Carmelita, that is not the case," said Twilight. Carmelita's grin began to turn into an angry scowl at Twilight's words.

"Are you saying that there was someone else who ate some of the MMMM?" asked Carmelita.

"Yes, and you already know exactly who it was," replied Twilight, a cunning smirk painted on her lips.

Carmelita began to get a nervous look on her face as everyone else in the desert car stared at the two mares.

"Well then, if there really was another pony who took a bite of the cake, which I'm sure there isn't, then why wouldn't I tell you?" Carmelita asked.

"Elementary, Carmelita," said Twilight. "It's because the other pony to eat it was... you!"

Everyone in the car gasped, including the three members of the Cooper Gang. After being chased by Carmelita for so long and given her black-and-white perspective of the law, they never expected to see her do anything bad. It had always seemed she did everything by the book. They couldn't even imagine her getting a simple parking ticket. After a few seconds of silence, Carmelita was able to regain her voice, and she had more things on her mind about Twilight than she could say all at once, which was a good thing since most of it was extremely rude and involved a lot of cursing.

"If you plan on accusing me, rookie, then you'd better have some good evidence," Carmelita said, her rage slowly growing. From the smug look on Twilight's face, Carmelita could tell that the unicorn was enjoying this, which only managed to make her even angrier.

"Well, if you want some solid evidence, other than the fact that you wouldn't stop accusing Sly," said Twilight, "the scent of cake on your breath smells pretty convincing."

Carmelita put a hoof to her mouth and huffed into it before giving it a good whiff. Her eyes shrunk to pinpoints when she realised that, yes, her breath was rank with cake. Everyone in the car gasped again, as Twilight began to do a little dance to celebrate her first victory against the ex-fox. Everyone in proximity steered clear of her, as they were all conscious of her bad dancing. Her joy, however, was short lived as Carmelita began to chuckle.

"Okay, kid, you got me," she said. "I ate some of the MMMM. It looks so good, I just couldn't help myself. There is one other thing though. I couldn't mention it before because it would have given away the fact that I was in here last night. There was another person who ate some of the MMMM."

"Dun-dun-duuuuuun!" Murray said dramatically.

"Really, Murray? Really?" retorted Bentley agitatedly, eye slightly twitching.

"Sorry. I couldn't help it," apologised Murray.

"Yes," said Carmelita, ignoring Murray's interruption. "The culprit was someone who... in all honesty, seems even more of an obvious suspect than Sly. Anyways, what I'm saying is that... Murray ate some of the cake, too!"

Everyone was stunned by this statement, most of all Murray and Pinkie Pie.

"Murray? But he was helping me guard the cake all night! He couldn't have eaten it!" she yelled.

"Yeah! I would never betray my friends like that!" exclaimed Murray, waving a hoof around the room for emphasis.

A hoof that, unfortunately, had cake crumbs smattered on it.

Murray had, inadvertently, doing something similar to tossing his cut and bloody body into a tank full of sharks.

For a second time that day, everyone in the room gasped, including Murray himself. When Pinkie Pie saw the crumbs on his hoof, her mane and tail lost their poof, deflating like punctured balloons. Immediately, her eyes began to water, and soon she was crying out mammoth waterfalls for tears.

"Murray? Why? I thought I could trust you!" said Pinkie between sobs.

Murray was just as surprised as Pinkie, and almost as upset. Everyone else felt the same, except for Carmelita, whose smug grin had returned.

"Pinkie, I don't know how this stuff got on me, I swear!" said Murray. "I would never do something like this! I don't even remember getting close to the MMMM!"

"Wait, you don't remember eating it?" asked Bentley. At Murray's nod, he smiled and said, "Well, that explains this anomaly."

"It does?" asked Murray and Pinkie in unison.

"Yes, it does, actually," said Bentley. "You see, Murray, um... how should I put this without being offensive?... Ah. While slumbering, you... uh...you tend to, uh-"

"You eat sweets in your sleep, big guy," said Sly, cutting Bentley off as he patted Murray on the back.

“That is correct,” the ex-reptile concurred.

"Huh... that would explain all those times I woke up with empty ice cream cartons in my bed," assessed Murray.

"So that means... you didn't lie to me," said Pinkie, a huge smile on her face as her mane and tail reinflating via their own volition, returning to their poofy form.

Murray sighed. "Yeah, but that also means I really did eat some of the cake," Murray said sadly. "I'm sorry, Pinkie."

"That's okay, Murray, I forgive you," said Pinkie. She then did something no one, not even herself, saw coming. She gave Murray a quick peck on the cheek. Murray was shocked that Pinkie had kissed him, and a small blush rose to his face, his cheeks burning as if a raging inferno had been set ablaze in his face. Hesitating and wondering what had become of the fuchsia stallion, Pinkie proceeded to frown, then jabbed him in the side with a hoof to see if he was okay. However, the only reaction she got out of Murray was for him to fall over on his side, petrified like stone.

"Uh... is he okay?" asked Pinkie.

"I'm sure he's fine," replied Bentley as he looked Murray over. "I think he's in just in a state of shock. He'll be fine in a few minutes."

"Ooooh," said Pinkie. “But wait?! What about the other bakers’ treats?”

“Simple!” Carmelita strutted back and forth. “It was the bakers who ate them!” The trio of chefs gasped at the accusation.

“How dare you!” bellowed Gustave le Grand, face redder than a beet. “How dare you accuse ze great Gustave le Grand for eating zese... mediocre treats!”

“Mediocre?” Mulia hissed, eyes narrowed in inextinguishable fury. “I suggest you choose your next words carefully, you nasty French tart!” Gustave retreated, his face scrunched up in nervous fear.

“Oh, quit acting like your dessert would win in the first place, ya sack of flab!” Donut Joe wailed above the din, face blazing with anger.

“What’s wrong with the French...?” Sly whispered to his friends.

“They’re only good at two things: baking bread and losing battles,” answered Rainbow Dash. All except for the three bakers leered up at the floating pegasus athlete. “What? I’m not wrong.” She said with a shrug, yet winced when Sly struck her on the left shoulder with his cane. “Ow!”

“C’mon, guys!” Carmelita butted in between the three arguing chefs. “It’s obviously true!” As fluid as water, Carmelita yanked at Gustave’s moustache, Donut’s mane, and Mulia’s wrinkle-filled face with her hooves and a wing. Chocolate mousse, eclair filling, and doughnut sprinkles resided in the respectively-pulled areas.

“She... she was right,” Gustave said, the reality slamming into him leaving him with his heart in his throat. “Ms. Miles, I am so terribly sorry. I couldn’t help myself when ze pink one spoke of your mousse moose wiz ze most... magnifique description.”

“And the way Pinkie described your doughnuts, Joe,” Mulia began, “made it seem like the most delicious thing in Equestria.” The mule licked her lips in tasteful enjoyment, the memories of the Donutopia flooding through her head.

“And, boy, were your eclairs downright scrumptious, Gustave,” Donut Joe admitted, rubbing his barrel of a stomach with an iron-coloured hoof. 

“But what about the contest?” Pinkie Pie said in worry. “None of us will win, now that our desserts are ruined!”

At the reminder of the National Dessert Competition, they could only sit and worry over what will happen, dreading when they travelled all this way for nothing, only to be ridiculed and mocked for their ruined entries.

“I’ve got it!” Twilight said, her idea coming to her as quick as lightning.






More moments later






The four bakers walked forth into the gardens to have their dessert evaluated by the judges. Among them is the one and only Princess Celestia, pastel-hued mane and tail both sparkling flowing in some sort of ethereal breeze. The alabaster alicorn walked towards the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness, moistening her lips at the sight.

The quartet of chefs both shared a proud grin. They had fused whatever they could from their contest entries into one giant uber-cake. Some of them had even wanted to rename the cake. Murray had suggested the name “Diabeetus”, and while Sly and Bentley had laughed comically at the suggestion due to the shocking truth behind its name, his request was shot down moments later by the girls.

But alas, the name should have been that, for when the judges glanced at the cake, their jaws comically fell to the floor at its sheer size. The bakers, following Twilight’s idea, had work together to make an amalgamation of a dessert for the competition. Their mesmerising concoction consisted of four floors of the pastel cake being supported by several eclairs, lined with doughnuts. At the top of the cake itself rested a large chocolate moose head. At once, the cake received an azure ribbon, symbolising its reward of First Prize.

“Twilight, you’re a genius,” Sly said with a genuine smile. Twilight blushed, her horn glowing with a magenta aura as she levitated a piece of cake to Princess Celestia. “And is this the princess I hear so much about?”

“Indeed it is,” Twilight responded. “Sly, Murray, Bentley, Carmelita, this is Princess Celestia, the ruler of Equestria.” The four otherworlders bowed low before the solar ruler; they had heard much talk of the princess, and it would be horrendously rude for them not to bow before somepony of great might and position.

“Ah, so these are your new friends, Twilight?” The voice of the princess sounded like warm and soothing honey, causing the quartet of outsiders to rise from their position of appraisal to look up at the one addressing them. “It’s very nice to meet you all.”

“And it is our utmost honour to be in the presence of someone so regal and mighty such as yourself,” said Sly. Celestia’s smile grew wider at his words.

“Oh, why, thank you,” she resumed. “I’m flattered to hear this.”

“PONYBUNGAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” The cry of warning brings their attention to Pinkie Pie diving off the back of a flying Rainbow Dash. With mouth wide open, she descended upon the cake face-first...

...and swallowed it whole. The cake, however, was much too large, and so she bloated like a pufferfish as she plopped onto the table, jaw working to chew whatever cake was in her mouth. Those around her shared a laugh as the pink whale flailed her arms feebly.

“Er... shall I give you a tour of the castle?” Princess Celestia said, albeit in a slightly nervous tone. She wanted to do this for two reasons: one of them being that while Pinkie was one of her favourite loyal subjects, she was bringing about slight mortification to her. And two: to simply say hello and disregard them would not be the proper behavior of royalty.

“Um... we’d like that,” Carmeltia said. “Can, uh... can somebody get a forklift for Pinkie?” She called behind her, motioning her head to the massive boulder of pink pony flesh still sitting atop the table, with a trusty lasso by Applejack wrapped around her in an attempt to remove her from there.

"C'mon, Pinks! Ya cain't be THIS heavy!" Applejack grunted, sweat cascading down her face. Pulling a now-heavy pink mare was, for lack of a better term, difficult.

“Er... what is this forklift you speak of?” Celestia asked, eyebrow raised in curiosity and befuddlement.

“Ya know, nevermind. Please forget that I said anything.” At the princess’s nod, Carmelita beat her wings and took to the sky. “Please, lead the way.”

“Most certainly.” With that, Celestia made her way to the castle, with Twilight, Carmelita, and the Cooper gang trailing behind her.

> XV - Citadel Sightings
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


~My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic~



Written by Deyeaz


with the help of the ever-brilliant Alex Rite



XV - Citadel Sighting


“...And here is our gardens,” Celestia said, almost concluding the tour of the fortress known as Canterlot Castle. The gardens consisted of marble statues dotting the ever-green grass of the grottos, the ten-foot high hedges placed together to erect an impressive maze. Sly, Murray, Bentley, and Carmelita “oohed” and “ahhed” at the things at the multitude of things that caught their eyes; Twilight had left their troupe when she had passed by the library.

‘Her and her books,’ Sly mused, rolling his eyes with a smile. The smile became ephemeral when he noticed the large barrier of thick steel chains barricading an iron gate on the left. The sign was written in some bizarre hieroglyphic tongue, comprised of many horseshoes, horns, wings, pony heads, and a myriad of other glyphs. “Say, what’s in here?” He asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

Celestia looked behind her, glanced at the path Sly had earlier pointed out, and her casual grin dissipated, replaced with a cold, dark look. “That area is... forbidden. It’s off limits to everypony. Even me and Luna. Understand?”

“I understand,” Sly said worriedly.

“Ah,” hummed Bentley, nodding in comprehension. “We understand completely.”

“Princess, are you alright?” Carmelita asked in concern. Celestia shook her head to clear it of the murky thoughts of hate that poisoned her mind.

“Why, yes. I’m fine.” Celestia smiled again, brushing aside those previous thoughts of angst. “Let us continue with the tour, please?” With a nod from all four of the otherworlders, Celestia pressed on through the gardens.

Sly lingered behind, staying next to the part of the maze Celestia said was off limits.

"Finally got away from them," said Sly. "Good thing, too. The princess may be a great and kind ruler, but she talks so much she makes Dimitri seem mute."

As he walked through the maze, he grimaced angrily at the giant gate that was blocking his path.

"I should have known she wouldn't make this easy," Sly said, sighing. "Let’s see what I have to work with."

Sly looked around the maze, scanning for a way past the hedge maze, and noticed a few branches poking out of the sides. Blue stealth auras were sparkling on them, and Sly grinned smugly. He went to the closest one, bent low to the ground, and leapt high into the air, using his ninja spire jump to get on to it. The branch bended slightly under his weight, but remained stable. He then proceeded to jump from branch to branch, getting higher up and closer to the gate. When he got to the last branch, he jumped over the gate. He would have had a clean landing had his back hoof not hit the top of the gate, causing him to fall over on his face on the other side.

"I guess I'm a little out of practice," he groaned, mouth full of dirt and grass. “Either that or this body is too bulky for me to work with....”

Sly got up and shook his head to clear it the smarting he created on impact. Refreshed, he continued on through the maze. He soon came to the end of the maze where he found a small grotto surrounded by the maze's hedges. Sly looked around and saw that in the middle of the grotto was a statue of one of the ugliest creatures he had ever seen. It had the head of a pony with a goat horn and a deer antler. It's long, weasel like body had a lion paw, a hawk talon, a bat wing, a bird wing, a goat leg, a lizard claw, and it had a long dragon-like tail. The statue was frozen in a position of fear, head back and arms stretched out in defense.

"Yeesh. I can see why the princess had this place closed down," said Sly. "This is the scariest thing I've ever seen, and I've seen Dimitri in a swimsuit." Sly shuddered at the horrible memory he had accidentally let surface to his mind, rushing to push that eye-burning memory back into the deep dark recesses of his mind before he could upchuck his lunch.

"Well, excuse me for my unsightly appearance. If I had known I was going to have company today, I would have gotten my haircut,” sarcastically complained a disembodied voice.

Sly jumped and looked around, trying to find the source of the voice. There was no one to be seen in the entire grotto.

"If you're looking for me, I suggest you turn your head upwards, at least ninety degrees," the voice said. Sly looked up to find himself staring at the wide-mouthed face of the statue.

"Are...are you talking?" asked Sly.

"Why, yes I am. Way to go, brainiac, you figured it out," the statue said sarcastically. "Somepony give the kid a prize."

"Are you done?" asked Sly irritably.

"For now," replied the statue.

"Good," said Sly, "now can you tell me exactly who, or what, are you? Why doesn't the princess want anyone to see you?"

"I am Discord, the spirit of chaos. I suppose you could say Celestia made me into this," said the statue, an edge of anger in his voice.

"So... Celestia sculpts?" asked Sly skeptically. "She doesn't really seem the type."

"Hey, we all have our little hobbies," said Discord. "I dabble in poetry from time to time, and I know you have a thing for stealing from criminals."

Sly's jaw dropped in shock. He wondered how Discord knew about his past life. The only people on Equestria he had told about it were his friends, and they wouldn't tell anybody about it... would they?

"Well, Pinkie Pie might, but none of them have, at least not yet," said Discord, answering Sly's thoughts. "As you can see, I know everything about everyone in Equestria. I know their pasts, their future, their thoughts, and, best of all, their problems. But where are my manners? Allow me to get you into something more comfortable."

A flash of blinding light came from Discord, causing Sly to cover his eyes with his left hoof. When the light was gone and Sly could see again, he was shocked to find that in front of his face was a gloved hand. Sly looked to his right to see that another hand was holding his cane. He looked himself over to confirm his suspicions and saw that he truly was a raccoon again. "Incredible...."

"Impressive, isn't it?" said Discord, a smug tone in his voice. "That's another reason Celestia has this place blocked off, my range of magic is confined to this grotto. She doesn't like it when I prank her subjects, so she keeps me here where I can't do anything. Now where was I?" Discord seemed to be thinking for a few seconds before continuing. "Oh yes, I was talking about how I can see the problems of the ponies of Equestria. I can see your problems too, and they are the most entertaining thing in Equestria. At least, they are in my opinion."

"Well, they certainly haven't been entertaining for me," said Sly, feeling annoyed at how much the draconequus was enjoyed his pain. "Not only am I more-or-less dead and stuck as a pony while I'm here, I also have to deal with my friends causing trouble, and with no criminals, my basic way of life has been thrown out the window!"

"Trust me, you have more problems than that," said Discord, a laugh escaping from his stone throat. "Ignoring your future problems and the ones you've mentioned, you still have two mares who want to kill each other over you."

"Wait, what?" asked Sly, confusion setting in. What Discord said had caught his interest. While he did want to know what Discord meant by 'your future problems,' he was more interested in the part about two mares who were interested in him enough to kill each other over it. It was pretty obvious to Sly that he was talking about Carmelita and Twilight, but what he wanted to know was why. Before he could ask, though, Discord answered his question for him.

"I'd be happy to tell you, my ring-tailed friend," he said, before a blinding flash of light reappeared. After Sly's vision returned, he sighed at the sight of himself, as he was now a pony again. "And as a reward, you will get to keep your old body. But first, there's something you'll have to do for me..."
	
	
> XVI - Grave Mistake
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


~My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic~



Written by Deyeaz


with the help of the ever-brilliant Alex Rite



XVI - Grave Mistake


Sly walked down the pathway of the castle towards the east wall. After agreeing to steal something for Discord, he explained to Sly exactly what it was. Discord had wanted Sly to steal a special spell from a vault on the top floor, a spell that Celestia held dear to her. Discord had said that he didn’t know what the spell was, but that was the exact reason as to why he wanted it: to explore the scroll’s contents, bury himself in them and learn what's inside. He had also said that he didn’t know anything about the security on the top floor.

Sly thought that the draconequus’s information was less than rudimentary. But his chance to become bipedal and normal once more was at stake. At that moment, Sly had been torn between accepting the request and declining it. But in the end, he did what he had to do, and accepted it.

“For a being who’s supposed to know everything,” said Sly under his breath, “he sure doesn’t know much....”

Sly ran over to a pipe that ran up the wall. The blue stealth auras assured the master thief that the pipe was safe to climb. A smirk curled around his lips as he shimmied up the pipe. Sly had made it up about five stories when, to his shock, the blue stealth auras on the pipe disappeared. “What?” Before he had time to figure out what this meant, the pipe began to break. “Crap!” As the pipe bent over, Sly noticed an open window in front of him. With no time to spare, Sly jumped through the window just as the pipe outside snapped in half. Sly looked out the window and watched the pipe plummet to the ground, thankful that he hadn’t fallen with it. Sly stopped there for a second to catch his panicked breath.

“No sweat, Sly,” he said to himself, heart hammering against his ribs at a mile a minute. “It could have happened to anyone. You’re the greatest living thief from a long line of great thieves. You can do this.”

His confidence now returned, and heart rate regulated to its normal speed, Sly stalked over to the door of the room. He poked his head out and took a look each way for guards. When he was satisfied that there were none, he proceeded to find a staircase to the top floor. As he snuck around he looked everywhere, which unfortunately lead him to walk into something.

Or, as luck would have it, someone.

Standing in front of Sly was a white unicorn stallion with a mane and tail of many shades of blue. He wore gold and purple armour, making it obvious that he was a guard. The armour had a crest that surprised Sly because it kind of reminded him of Twilight's cutie mark. By the look on the unicorn’s face, he was as surprised as Sly that they had bumped into each other. The unicorn smiled a bit though and helped Sly up. 

“Sorry about that,” Sly said, trying not to arouse suspicion. “I'm, uh, new here, so I, uh, came to the castle to...”

“If you’re here looking for a job as a castle guard,” said the unicorn, “I know where the sign ups are.”

“Yeah, that's exactly why I’m here. Definitely no other reason,” Sly said, almost slapping himself for that last part. 

“Well, you aren’t very big,” said the unicorn, making Sly raise a brow out of slight offence,“but I’m sure you’ll makeup for the lack of size. I’m Shining Armour, by the way. Captain of the guards.” The unicorn raised his hoof in greeting. 

“The name’s Sly. Sly Cooper,” said Sly, glad that Shining Armour hadn’t seen through his mistake. “Seeing as how you’re the captain of the guards, maybe you can help me find the... sign ups.” 

“Well, you’re first problem is that you’re on the wrong floor,” stated Shining Armour. “Around the next turn, there’s a stairwell. You’re gonna want to go two floors down, and take a left. When you see a bunch of ponies lined up, that’ll be where it is. Good luck.”

“Thank you. You’ve been more helpful than you know,” said Sly. 

As soon as Shining Armour was out of his sight, Sly ran towards the stairwell he had mentioned. Sure enough, it was there, and it definitely lead all the way up to the top. Sly began to run all the way to the top. He got winded after the first three floors, and began to crawl up the last two.

“They... should really... put... an elevator... in here,” said Sly when he finally made it to the top, using his cane as a crutch. He fell down and rested for a few seconds, lungs blazing from lack of oxygen intaking. It took a moment or two for Sly to get back onto his hooves and go back to the job at hand. Before him was a large door that was locked by a key. There was only one guard in there, pacing the floor and keeping watch upon it. Sly assumed that he had the key to the room that the door barred him from.

“Piece of cake,” Said Sly as he snuck up behind the guard.

Sly began to pick the guards pocket, cane delicately yanking out the contents. Inside, he found a few bits, some gum, an ID card, and finally, the key. Before he could go open the door though, the guard turned around. “Hey!” bellowed the guard, startling Sly immensely. Before the guard could do anything, Sly quickly used his cane to knock the guard unconscious, the gold cane striking the golden helm, creating a reverberating DONG!

“Okay, now that has never happened before,” Sly remarked, sweat starting to leak down his face. “Am I losing my touch? No... no, I’m still the greatest thief ever.”

Sly unlocked the vault door and went inside to find the paper Discord had been talking about laying on a table in the middle of the room. Sly picked up the paper, surprised at how easy it was from this point. As he left the room, though, the paper began to glow and an alarm began to blare. 

“A magic alarm?” Sly asked. “Not cool, Celestia! So not cool!”

Sly began to run towards the stairwell, running down as fast as he could. As he got down two floors, he became surrounded by guards. Sly tried to fight them off, but they soon formed a massive dogpile on top of him. Sly saw Shining Armour walk up to him. The last thing he saw was the captain’s hoof crashing into his face.





Sly woke up to a startling sight. Not only were his cane and bag gone, but he also saw that he was behind bars. The cell had the typical design one would see in movies: uncomfortable cot on the side, toilet and rust-tainted sink on the other side, and barren, grim walls all around.

“So you’re finally awake, are you?” asked a familiar voice. Sly saw Twilight walk through a door on the other side of the room, her face caked with tears.

“Twilight...” Sly murmured, a feeling of shame setting in. “Listen I-”

“No, you listen!” yelled Twilight, causing Sly to go silent in shock. “I can’t believe you would do this, Sly, after all we’ve been through! I knew you were a thief, and I knew you couldn’t stand not being able to steal anything, but taking something from the princess?! That’s a serious offense, Sly, even if all you tried to steal was a cake recipe!”

“Please try t- Wait, what.” Sly was slightly baffled. A cake recipe? Are you kidding me?

Twilight ignored him and calmed down a bit, but she continued her rant. “Normally, the sentence for stealing something from the princesses is banishment, but since you’re my friend, I was able to convince her to be less harsh. You’re still going to be imprisoned for the rest of your life, but at least you won’t be alone. You deserve to be banished, but I couldn’t let that happen. You know why? Because I loved you.” Twilight turned away and began to walk towards the door. Before leaving, Twilight looked back at him and said, “And I still love you. Goodbye, Sly Cooper.” And with that, Twilight left Sly alone with his thoughts. 

“She... loved me?” Sly repeated to himself. It was then that it all set in, causing Sly’s body to darken, the colour in his clothes, his eyes, even his already monochromatic fur, to dull and lose their colour lustre. Discord had set all this up. Set it up so that Sly became more that just a bad thief, but also... to be a bad friend. Depression set in like a parasite, eating at him until it’s had its nonexistent fill. Sly glacially walked over to a corner of his cell, curling up into a ball, mind ruined and heart a mess.

“No... no...” 

He could almost hear Discord’s maniacal laughter.






Several hours later





“But I’m telling you Twilight, this isn’t Sly’s style,” said Bentley, trying to convince the purple mare, which he's been attempting since the train ride home. Ever since Sly’s arrest, Twilight and everyone else had gone into their own depression, a deep, dank, and dark crevice from which it’d take a miracle to bring them out of. Spike, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy had excluded themselves from the others. Pinkie Pie, Murray, Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash had completely immersed themselves in their jobs to distract them from the pain. Twilight just sat in the library doing absolutely nothing. The only two people who seemed unaffected were Bentley and Carmelita. Carmelita seemed to be celebrating the fact that her raccoon rival had finally got what he deserved, but Bentley had been thinking, and was convinced that something was wrong.

“Face it, Bentley, you know Sly’s a thief,” said Twilight. “This was bound to happen.” In Bentley’s opinion, Twilight did not look good. Her mane and tail were a complete mess, and her eyes were red from lack of sleep. If she kept going on like this, it would be completely detrimental to her health.

“While that is true, it still doesn’t seem like Sly,” Bentley stated. “He would never betray his friends. Plus, even if he still tried to steal something from someone, the most he does is leave behind a few unconscious guards. He would never, ever get caught, and yet, he did. It just doesn’t make any sense!”

Twilight’s head shot up at Bentley’s last sentence.  “...Bentley, say that last part again.”

“This doesn’t make any sense?” Bentley repeated.

“Doesn’t make any... of course!” Twilight shouted, causing the ex-reptile to jump half a foot in the air. “It doesn’t make any sense! I only know one creature who loves causing chaos for no real reason: Discord.” 

“Discord?” Bentley was curious about who or what this could be. After Twilight finished explaining Discord to Bentley, he agreed that that Discord had to be behind it.

“But how are we going to prove it?” asked Bentley.

“Well, first we have to get Sly out of the dungeon.”

“I think I have something that can help us with that,” said Bentley, handing Twilight a book. Twilight looked at the cover of the book and recognised Sly’s family emblem on the cover. Written in a bold, elegant font were the words: Thievius Raccoonus. “Go get him, tiger.”
	
> XVII - Thievius Unicornis
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


~My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic~



Written by Deyeaz


with the help of the ever-brilliant Alex Rite



XVII - Thievius Unicornis


*Clip-clop-clip-clop-clip-clop-clip-clop*

Sly didn’t raise his head at the sound of hoofs trotting along the floors of the dungeons. With a loud metal clang, the door to the cell opened wide, and a tray of food was flung by the opener at Sly, the tray crashing into the ground, the colourless slop that was a mediocre excuse for a meal tipping over and spilling on the floor. In walked Shining Armour, face tainted with disappointment and anger.

“There’s your gruel,” he said, before closing the door and standing before Sly, looking down at him in fury. “Why did you do it?” Sly still refused to even budge his head up an inch, mouth not daring to move. “What good would come of it?” Still, no answer. Shining Armour scowled.

Sly’s throat was clogged, as if he was being asphyxiated by his own anxiety. Sly raised his head to look at the sapphire irises of Shining Armour. The Royal Guard looked at the grey dull irises of the thief before him. He saw nothing but the eyes of those who’ve given up on everything. Who’ve just decided that nothing was worth living for. The windows to the raccoon’s soul were tainted with a fog so deep and horrible, it made Shining Armour sick to his stomach to look at him. 

“Ugh... you thieves are all the same. Stealing from the innocent just to fuel your own disgusting ulterior motives. It drives me to madness. Even worse, I just saw my own sister crying her eyes out when she left the dungeons, and I know it was because of you.” Shining Armour’s anger deepened. “What really sickens me is how she could ever come to even like such a petty and pathetic little thief like you. Don’t ever think that you’ll be given a second chance by either me or her, because what you did to my sister was unforgivable.

“In the end, you’re just a greedy, filthy, worthless street rat.” Shining Armour turned around and made to exit the cell. “You were born one, you’ll die one, and only your fleas will mourn you!” He slammed the cell door. “May you rot in that cell for all eternity.” Shining Armour trotted angrily back upstairs, leaving Sly to his lonesome. Sly’s gaze hardened as he glared at his mess of slop. A lone tear traversed down his left cheek and landed with a plunk! on the stone floor.

“I’m not worthless... I’m not a street rat... and I don’t have fleas.” Sly bashed the back of his head on the wall behind him, not caring if it would injure his brain. He deserved it. He shouldn’t have trusted Discord, he shouldn’t have tried to steal something belonging to royalty... and he should not, would never dare, to harm Twilight, not after what she said about her loving him.

“Damn it,” he swore, his head bent low again. “I’m such a fool... maybe I am worthless....”






Outside the Castle






“Twilight, you in position for Operation: Raccoon Rescue?” asked Bentley over the Binoc-U-Com he had made for her, along with several other gadgets that would be essential for the mission.

“Affirmative, I’m ready to go,” replied Twilight, from behind her mask. She was standing on the roof of an out-of-the-way building in Canterlot, where she had a good view of the castle. Since she knew she was to be recognised the second she would step on the castle grounds, even through the dark veil of night, she and Bentley required a disguise for her. 

And there she stood on the roof, donned in a black catsuit similar to the one she had worn in the Future Twilight fiasco, one of Sly’s spare masks, and had a black scarf wrapped tightly around the lower portion of her face, leaving only her violet vigilant eyes and her mighty unicorn horn exposed. “By the way, where did you get this mask again?”

Bentley sighed. “It’s like I told you before, both Murray and I carry extra masks for Sly in case he loses his. Don’t want cops to see any recognisable facial markings after all.” Bentley then proceeded to explain the plan. “Okay, first things first, you have to find Sly’s cane. It’s been in his family since the beginning of the Cooper ancestry, so you can bet that he won’t leave the castle without it.” 

“Gotcha.” Twilight nodded, understanding her first objective. “I think I know exactly where they would hide it. I’ll call again when I have it.” And with that, Twilight put away the Binoc-u-Com and took a deep breath, steeling herself for the dangerous night ahead.

Twilight spotted a huge array of streetlamps and clothing lines not five feet in front of her, the top of the first streetlamp glistening with, not an azure, but a magenta sparkling aura, the unusual hot-purple lights flickering like a dying candle. “Stealth auras on a narrow point mean a thieving opportunity: Ninja Spire Jumps, and some Rail Walks to throw in. I’ve got this,” muttered Twilight aloud. She took a running start for the tall lamp and leapt for it, spinning once in the air and landing rather precariously on her intended target.

‘Okay. So much for being a ninja....’ Twilight had to adjust to being bipedal to accomplish these stealthy tasks. Still, she got the hang of it as she continued Spire Jumping and Rail Walking to her destination.

Twilight reached the castle’s north wall, and saw another magenta aura sparkling at the top of the wall. She reached into her saddlebag and withdrew a grappling hook, black in colour and ultimately long in rope length, another one of Bentley’s inventions that he had also crafted for her. Aiming carefully with her magic, Twilight fired the grappling hook towards the aura with a PFWOOSH!

Whup whup whup whup whup whup w-CLANK!

Hearing the sound of the steel hook yanking on the edge of the stone wall, Twilight grabbed the rope and scaled up the wall, gritting her teeth as she reached the very tip of the extremely high wall in a minute and a half. Using her magic, she teleported into one of the bushes below on the other side, making sure her target was in clear view for fear of accidentally teleporting into a wall. With a pop, she lands in the shrubbery with its leafy protection, the black of her uniform shrouding her in the darkness of night and the shadowy foliage of the leaves. 

Twilight waited patiently to make her move, preferably when none of the guards were looking. Ensuring that that had occurred, she headed towards a warehouse close by that her brother had once shown her. It was the place where the Royal Guards stored anything that had to do with castle security, including items that were confiscated from arrested convicts. If Sly’s cane was anywhere, it had to be there. She remembered how, back then, she felt that this was information she didn’t need to know, and she had told Shining Armour this.

“It’s a good thing he showed me anyway,” Twilight mumbled to herself. “I just wish he hadn’t dragged me there.” She slightly shuddered at the reminiscence of Shining Armour practically carting her to see the warehouse. Against her own will, no less.

Twilight looked around a corner to where the warehouse door was and saw that it was wide open. Unfortunately, there were about a half a dozen guards watching the entrance. Twilight began to think back to the things she had learned from the Thievius Raccoonus. She wasn’t sure she could do much of the rooftop moves, so trying to enter from there wasn’t going to work. She wasn’t muscle-savvy, so cracking skulls was out of the option.

She then remembered the Shadow Power technique developed by Slytunkhamen Cooper II, and decided that it was the easiest way to get by the guards. It was very slow going at first; Twilight hadn’t had time to practice. But with only a few close calls, she managed to get into the warehouse without any trouble. 

“Note to self,” she whispered. “When invisible, be careful of guards who might trample you.”

She took a quick look around the warehouse. The assortment of objects inside were very strange and random. There were spears, cannons, magic scrolls, and strangest of all, a picture of Discord. Twilight soon found Sly’s cane in a crate labeled ‘unknown items.’

“Well, that was easy. Sure hope the rest of it is...” She brought out her Binoc-u-Com, using her magic to grasp the cane. “Bentley, I have Sly’s cane.”

“Great!” exclaimed Bentley, his face in the lower-left corner grinning from the plan’s overall success. “You know where he is, correct?”

“Definitely...”





“I’ve got a lovely bunch o’ coconuts. There they are, standing in a row. Big ones, small ones, some as big as your he- Oh, why bother, that song isn't even helping....” Sly slumped back against the wall, the bouncy song he had been singing doing nothing to bring him out of his depressed funk.

Sly got up off the ground and shuffled weakly to the cot, resting atop it in a slump and trying miserably to sleep.

Minutes later, Sly heard the sound of the cell door opening, wondering what it was that the captain of the guards wanted now. What it actually was gave him much more of a surprise.

“Sly?” said Twilight, checking to see if the ex-raccoon was asleep or not.

Sly looked up into the purple eyes of the unicorn that had been on his mind since she had first left. Sly was surprised not only by how she was dressed, but by the fact that she was holding his cane.

“Twilight, what are you-” It was at that moment that what he was seeing was finally understandable, the thought striking him like a lightning bolt. “No.... No! Why are you here to bust me out? You shouldn’t be doing this!” Twilight recoiled slightly under Sly’s scolding. “You’ll get in serious trouble! And besides..” Sly turned his head in shame, huddling onto his cot. “...I’m not worth it.”

“Don’t talk like that, Sly,” said Twilight, lowering her face mask. “Listen, I know what I said before, but I was all wrong. You’re not really a bad guy. I know it was Discord who did this to you, and I know just how to fix it.” Twilight came closer to Sly and touched his forehead with her horn. It glowed as she used the memory spell on him, and when she was done, she looked him over. She gasped when she saw that nothing had changed, that he was still a dull, insipid version of his former self.

“B-but, that was supposed to work!” stuttered Twilight, flabbergasted that her memory spell failed on him.

“Well, then, maybe I really am like this,” groaned Sly, moving back into his corner, curling into a tighter ball than before, eyes shielded by his knees. “Just please go... I don’t want your brother to yell at me again.”

Twilight couldn’t stand it, Sly acting like this. She grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him around ferociously. “Twilight? What are you doing?” Sly asked, the nervousness that was creeping into his throat evident by his voice being raised a few octaves.

“You’re so dull... what you need is a little sparkle in your life.” Without pause, she took hold of his face and brought it to her own, acting on an instinct. She closed her eyes and kissed Sly, full on the mouth. Sly’s eyes sprang open, surprised at Twilight’s action, wondering why she was doing it, mind zooming forward a mile a second at how much he... liked it. The colour in his eyes flared back to their original chocolate hue, and spread back into the rest of him, ending at his cutie mark. As Twilight broke the kiss, Sly could only stare.

“Wow...” he said, face blazing like an inferno from what had just transpired. “...That was the corniest crap you could have ever said.” This remark earned him a punch to the shoulder from Twilight. “Ow. Oh, uh, I mean...” he quickly adopted a depressed facade “I don’t think that worked. Maybe you should try another?”

“Tch.” Twilight smiled and magicked the cane to Sly. “It’s good to have you back, Sly.” 

“After a kiss like that, it’s good to be back,” he said, grinning as if there was no tomorrow. “Let’s blow this popsicle stand.”





Sly and Twilight managed to sneak out of the castle without a single hitch, Twilight explaining all that had happened along the way. After a quick train ride back to Ponyville, they sneaked through town and back to the Library, where they were greeted by the whole gang... minus Carmelita, of course. She was rather agitated about Sly technically being innocent.

Bentley had explained that while Twilight was working on Operation: Raccoon Rescue, he had gotten everyone and explained the situation with Discord. Pinkie and Murray were the last to be told, and Pinkie was so ecstatic by the news, she decided that they should throw Sly a ‘Welcome-Back-Sorry-For-Doubting-You-Please-Forgive-Us’ party. Sly groaned when he realised it was another Pinkie Party, but despite his inexperience with the parties Pinkie Pie almost always made for whatever trivial reason, he let it slide since he had just gotten out of jail.

“So, how'd the mission go?” asked Bentley with a pleased edge to his voice.

“Oh, it went well,” said Sly, smile still not evaporating.

“And what about that kiss?” he asked, grinning cheekily and deviously. Twilight and Sly’s jaws dropped in shock while everyone else stifled the laughter that threatened to expose itself.

“How... how did you-” Twilight began before Bentley raised a hoof to ask her to stop.

“Here’s something that took Sly awhile to learn,” he said: “if you don’t want me hearing or seeing everything that you do, be sure to turn off your Binoc-u-Com.” Sly face-hoofed at the mention of the useful, albeit occasionally betraying device. After that, Pinkie slapped a record onto the phonograph in the corner and began to dance, bouncy and fast-paced music spilling forth from the phonograph like a tsunami of audible elation. Soon, everyone joined in, except for Sly and Twilight, who were standing together in a corner of the library. 

“Look, Sly, about that kiss...” Twilight said, face flushing from embarrassment. She was about to try and find a way to explain it but she was cut off when Sly pulled her into his own kiss. 

After breaking the kiss, Sly said, “Ya know, I never noticed before, but you have beautiful eyes.”

Twilight was left speechless, wisteria cheeks blazing with mortifying heat at Sly’s sweet-talk.

Unfortunately, the others weren’t, which was shown by the “D'awww” they shot in Sly and Twilight’s direction, causing them to blush much harder than prior to what happened in the dungeons.

“Don’t you guys have something better to do than annoy us?” they both asked, their irritation palpable by their rough tones.

Murray shrugged. “No, not really....”
	
> XVIII - A Normal Day In Ponyville... More Or Less
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


~My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic~



Written by Deyeaz


with the help of the ever-brilliant Alex Rite



XVIII - A Normal Day In Ponyville... More Or Less


“Good morning, Captain Shi–”

“Move!” bellowed the Captain of the Royal Guard as he entered the castle, eye twitching at an incredulously rapid rate, grinding his teeth back and forth. The private he had angrily barked at looked at his partner in confusion before watching the captain stomp off.

“Hello, Capt– ”

“Out of my way!” He snapped towards another private, a female this time. The victim was left shocked and stunned by his whiplike words.

To say the least, Shining Armour was pissed.

And for good reason: Sky Pooper? No... Rye Scooper? Nope... Sly Cooper! Yes, that was it! Sly Cooper, the thief from yesterday, had escaped from the dungeons in the dead of night. Not only that, but the guards had failed miserably in trying to find him.

His fury must have been detected by his fellow guards, for they had withdrawn their desires to wish him a good morning—or a salutation, for that matter. Shining Armour, teeth gritted in rage, entered the throne room of the Royal pony sisters without so much as a warning knock.

A startled Princess Celestia jumped in her comfy throne at the sudden intrusion before being bowed to by the captain. “Shining Armour? What, may I ask, is the matter?” She was interrupted from eating her breakfast, a low-fat salad with toast and a glass of milk imported from Milky’s Way, a famous milk dispensary in Trottingham.

“The prisoner,” announced Shining, “from yesterday–”

“Don’t tell me he’s escaped,” said Princess Celestia, eyes narrowing. Shining Armour nodded, and Celestia sighed in frustration. “Very well. Deploy the troops and have them search every city.”

“Every city?” Shining’s anger evaporated at Celestia’s demand, and was substituted by surprise. He was not used to Celestia being vehement and aggressive about something like an escapee; usually, it was a slap on the fetlocks and a warning from her. 

“Every. City.” Princess Celestia glared out the window, vivid pink eyes practically x-raying through every town and city that they could take in. “Well?” She fired a sideways glance his way, causing Shining to jump this time. “What are you just standing there for? Do it.”

“Y-Yes, ma’am!” Shining Armour trotted outside, the doors to the throne room closing behind him as he hurried to rally the troops. Celestia grinned when she was once again left to her lonesome.

Celestia levitated a forkful of salad to her mouth, crunching on the vegetables as her horn brought forth a brilliantly-coloured quill and a fresh piece of parchment. “I guess I should write a letter to my faithful student...” she mused aloud through a mouthful of salad. Sadly, she unintentionally showered the parchment with bits of lettuce and tomatoes ejected from her mouth. 

Celestia facehoofed.





Books and Branches Library


Sly woke up on a bright morning and walked downstairs for breakfast to see that Twilight and Spike had already finished theirs and were about to leave.

"Hey, where are you two going?" he asked them.

"We're on our way to pick up some apples at Sweet Apple Acres," said Spike.

"We'd ask you to come, but... well, you know," said Twilight.

Sly knew. After the events with discord and him breaking out of prison, he was officially a fugitive. It would have to be that way until he and the others could prove to Celestia that Sly was innocent.

"Well, one good thing came out of that mess," Sly said with a grin. "Now I have the most amazing mare in Equestria as my girlfriend."

"Coming from someone as incredible as you Sly, that's quite a compliment," said Twilight.

Spike felt like he was about to barf. "Can we just go already?"

Twilight sighed. "Fine. See you later, Sly."

"Later," said Sly.

After they left, Sly looked around the library for something to do. Finding nothing, he began to get bored, and his thoughts turned to his friends.

"I wonder what Murray's up to?" he asked himself. "Whatever it is, I'm sure he's having fun."






Sugarcube Corner


"I – OW – am – OW – not – OW – having – OW – fun – OW – Pinkie!" exclaimed the ex-hippo as his head repeatedly banged into the ceiling. Pumpkin Cake, one of the Cakes' children, was having another one of her magical surges, her horn glowing in a sky-blue shroud as she slammed Murray over and over into the ceiling. As she caused pain to the fuchsia earth pony, she and her brother Pound Cake were laughing like crazy.

Unfortunately for Murray, brain cells were on the line, and he didn’t have that many in the first place. Each crash into the ceiling was like an atom bomb to his cranium, and his headache worsened and worsened with each blow.

"Don't worry, Murray, I know just what to do!" replied the pink pony. She pulled a bag of flour out of nowhere and poured its contents on herself. Seeing their favorite joke, the twins turned their attention to Pinkie Pie. Unfortunately, this caused Pumpkin’s magic to falter, dropping Murray on the ground.

“GAH!” Murray crashed into the ground, causing the floorboards to creak ominously.

"Murray!" exclaimed the now white Pinkie, rushing to her friend's side. "Are you okay?"

"Why of course I am, ghost lady. Is it tea time already?" said Murray, not sounding alright at all.

“Oh no,” said Pinkie, “Something is wrong with you. You usually hate tea!”

Pinkie gathered the twins and put them in their room, then she attended to Murray. Pinkie was very worried about him. Since she had first met him, she considered him her best friend, and she liked him a lot. Sometimes, she debated with herself if she liked him even more.

Pinkie bandaged Murray’s head with a first-aid kit she had pulled out of a hidden compartment in the wall (Why not? This is Pinkie we’re talking about.) and then took him up to their rooms. It was slow going, Murray was much heavier than Pinkie could carry, but she managed, with her huffing and puffing for air.

After Pinkie put Murray in bed, she began to check to see if his mental status had improved. “Murray, do you recognise me?” asked Pinkie. “It’s me, Pinkie.”

“You’re not Pinkie,” muttered Murray, his brain damage still affecting his actions and making his speech ever-so-slightly incoherent. “You’re a ghost lady. Pinkie is pink and she’s kinda cute.”

“Huh?” said Pinkie, feeling confused.

“Yeah, Pinkie is cute and sweet and always knows how to make people smile. She’s a great chef, and she’s the best friend I’ve ever had.”

Pinkie Pie began to blush at Murray’s words, but she was still confused as to why he didn’t recognise her. It was then that she remembered she was still covered in flour from before. 

“Silly Pinkie,” Pinkie scolded herself before turning back to Murray. “Murray, I am Pinkie.” Pinkie then shook off all the flour that covered her until she became her pink self again. “See.”

“Pinkie!” said Murray, snapping back into reality. Realizing that it was Pinkie he was talking to had snapped him out of his pain induced trance, but he was still completely embarrassed at what he had said. “Oh, uh... I was... uh... I mean-” Murray said before Pinkie cut him off by placing her hoof over his mouth.

“It’s okay Murray,” said Pinkie, leaning in closer to the ex-hippo. “I love you too.”

Murray, face as red as a ruby, began to say something else when Pinkie leaned in and kissed him on the lips.






Carousel Boutique


“While these colours are both complementary to the customer’s physique and fur... I simply can’t decide to choose between the lilac fabric or the taupe....”

Rarity, hard at work as ever, was designing a new dress for a client, who had come in all the way from Manehattan just to place her order. Right now, Rarity was torn between the two different-coloured fabrics she was magically levitating before her: both were excellent enough, but she also had to take into consideration of what features the colours would accentuate for the pony. “Oh, how I wish for something to take my mind off this.”

BANG!

“...Speak of the Devil,” Rarity mused.

“Damn it!” shouted Bentley in frustration from outside the Carousel Boutique. Fearing for him, Rarity dropped the fabrics and ran outside. She gasped when she witnessed a huge machine, belching smoke and donning a trashed and malfunctioning look. As she approached it, she saw Bentley lying on his back, face covered in soot and glasses slightly askew. After a jab with a hoof from Rarity, Bentley jumped a bit from the sudden firm poke.

“Good heavens!” exclaimed Rarity. “What happened, Bentley?”

“I seem to have... miscalculated,” replied Bentley, shaking the soot from his complexion as he sat up. “I didn’t break anything, did I? I mean, other than my machine.”

“No, no, no, darling, everything is fine.”

“Oh.”

Rarity looked at the machine again, a huge mountain of grey metal, decorated with a complex spider’s web of wires, lights, and other doohickeys that Rarity had no name for. “Bentley, may I ask what this machine is for?”

“Oh... well, you see... I can’t stay here,” Bentley said, rubbing his foreleg in slight shame.

“What?” Rarity was confused. Of course you can stay here! I’d be more than happy to share the Boutique with you!”

“No, I’m not talking about the Boutique. I’m talking about here. On this planet.”

“Whatever do you mean, darling? You have as much right here in Equestria than anywhere else.”

“Yes, but... we don’t belong here.” Rarity was about to interrupt and contradict that claim, but Bentley raised a hoof, asking for a silence that Rarity complied. “Within a few short weeks, we’ve made this place already more upside down that it already is. Sly is in trouble with the authorities, and since he’s already escaped once, they might do something horrible to him! Like, execution, or banishment to the moon!

“Even worse, Carmelita is absolutely livid about Sly being technically innocent, especially since she’s spent years trying to throw him behind bars. Now, as much as we all do love it here, we can’t stay: Carmelita, Murray, Sly, and I all belong back on earth. It’s for the best.” Rarity looked hurt at Bentley’s words, but she nodded and smiled.

“I understand. I really do. You all must be horribly homesick,” she commented, before going inside and coming back out briefly, with a large black kerchief around her neck. “Normally, I’d find black an atrocious colour to wear... but I’d wear anything if it helps you with your needs.”

“...Oh baby,” said Bentley cheekily. Rarity cleared her throat, albeit the blush on her cheeks was totally evident.

“Oh, hush,” said Rarity,. “So, shall we reassemble this atrocity?”

“Way ahead of ya, sister.”






Fluttershy’s Cottage


Fluttershy paced around her cottage, a worried look on her face. Ever since Sly turned out to be technically innocent, Carmelita had spent most of her time up in her room, brooding. It had gotten to the point where Fluttershy decided she would need some help. The knocking on her door let her know that help had arrived. 

“Hey, Fluttershy. What’s up?” asked Rainbow Dash as she walked into the cottage.

“Thank goodness you’re here,” said Fluttershy. “Carmelita has been very upset lately. She hasn’t left her room at all. I wanted you to help me talk to her.”

“I don’t exactly see why you need me,” replied Rainbow Dash. “Being the Element of Kindness, wouldn’t this be something you could handle on your own?”

“Well, with the mood she’s in, Carmelita kinda... scares me,” replied Fluttershy sheepishly.

Understanding Fluttershy completely, and being the impulsive pony she is, Rainbow Dash flew upstairs and entered Carmelita’s room. When she entered, Rainbow Dash found the place a complete mess, with Carmelita in the exact center of it. Carmelita looked up at her, her eyes red with rage.

“GET OUT!” she screamed. Rainbow Dash flinched for a second, the ex-fox scaring her almost as much as she scared Fluttershy, but began to calmly talk to Carmelita.

“It’s okay, Carm,” said Rainbow Dash, “It’s just me. I’m just here to talk, trying to make you feel better.” Surprisingly, Carmelita did begin to get calmer. Seeing this, Rainbow Dash continued talking to her. “Okay, now I’m pretty sure that you’re angry because you’ve been chasing Sly for your whole life, and when he finally ended up in jail, he was technically innocent. If that happened to me, I’d probably be ticked off too, but you’ve got to get over it.”

Carmelita sighed. “No, Rainbow Dash, that’s not the problem. The problem is something that happened after that. You see, I think I may have... sorta... kinda... been in love with... Sly.” 

“Ooohhh,” said Rainbow Dash calmly, while on the inside she was going, “ENTERING DANGEROUS TERRITORY! ABORT MISSION! ABORT!”  Luckily for Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy came to her rescue. Now that Carmelita was calm, she had nothing to fear, and she jumped at the chance to be helpful.

“It’s okay, Carmelita. Everyone has that happen to them at one point or another. I’m sure Sly isn’t the only guy out there for you, and the next one may be even better. Besides, you and Sly can still be friends, right?”

Carmelita gave Fluttershy a blank look. “He’s a master thief. I’m an officer of the law. Notice anything?”

“Oh. Right,” said Fluttershy, embarrassed a bit for forgetting, before all three of them broke out in laughter.
	
> XIX - The Clockwerk Confessional
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


~My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic~



Written by Deyeaz


with the help of the ever-brilliant Alex Rite



XIX - The Clockwerk Confessional


*BOOOM!*

The party cannon, chock-full of the contents that give the cannon it’s name, fired was at the room in the Library, the tablecloths, balloons, streamers, confetti, and other assorted items for the proper fete sailing across the store, landing in the designated areas they were created to decorate. Tablecloths were draped, punch was served, and many a pastry and baked good were devoured. 

“Whoa, never expected the party to go into full swing like this,” Bentley murmured, slowly munching on a salad he had bought next door so that he would have to avoid eating the sweets and jeopardising his health. The banner above his head read “Congratulations on your relationship, Murray and Pinkie Pie!” in large, curly letters that shined a little in the light.

“Me neither, darling,” agreed Rarity, demurely taking a sip of her punch as she watched Pinkie and Murray dance in the center of the room. “But still, it is nice that those two are happy together.”

“I’m just surprised it even happened,” said Sly, walking in between the two. “Murray isn’t exactly... good... at keeping a relationship stable.”

“Or injury free,” added Bentley.

“Really, guys?” asked Rarity irritably. “We’re at a party for your best friend and his new marefriend, and all you can think about is his flaws?”

“Pretty much,” said Bentley and Sly in unison. Rarity facehoofed. 

“Woah!” said Pinkie as she... vibrated... over to them. “Guys, my Pinkie sense is going crazy! I think I feel a doozy coming!”

“Pinkie sense?” asked Bentley.

“Don’t,” said Rarity. “Just don’t.” She then turned to Pinkie. “No need to worry, dear. I’m sure as long as we stay in here, nothing will go wrong.”

Pinkie was just about to disagree when Twilight called everyone over for cake. Everyone walked to the center of the room where a cake that was as impressive, albeit much smaller, as the MMMM was. On the cake were two candles, one for Murray and one for Pinkie. Murray and Pinkie blew out the candles, and everyone prepared to stuff their faces. It seemed like a scene that couldn’t be ruined. Shows how wrong you could possibly be.

“Hoo,” called an unseen arrival.

“Crap,” said Bentley, Sly, and Carmelita in unison. 

As soon as Murray heard that sound, his pupils shrunk to pinpoints. He froze up as memories of an epic battle zoomed before his eyes. Just when the memories reached their end, Murray let out a shrill (and unmanly) scream before passing out on the floor.

“Woah,” said Pinkie as she stopped vibrating, the doozy she had predicted coming true. She leapt to Murray, a worried expression on her face. “Bentley, is he okay?”

“Murray is fine, Pinkie. His brain just sort of... malfunctioned.” replied the ex-reptile.

“But what caused it?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“I have our culprit right here,” said Carmelita, holding a tawny owl upside down in her hoof.

“Owlowiscious!” said Twilight, smacking Carmelita’s hoof and setting the bird free. “Carmelita, he’s my pet owl! How could he have caused this?”

“It wasn’t Owlowiscious that caused it,” announced Bentley. “It was who he reminded Murray of.”

“Clockwerk,” said Sly, obvious disgust in his voice.

“Oh, boy! A story!” said Pinkie, pulling a lawn chair and a bag of popcorn out of nowhere. 

Sly ignored her and began to tell his friends the tale of Clockwork. “He was consumed with jealousy for the Cooper Clan’s thieving reputation. Is it inappropriate to refer to him as a monster? No. Not at all. What kind of person stays alive for hundreds of years with the express intention of wiping out a rival family’s line? Imagine the hatred fueling that first decision to replace his mortal body with soulless machinery. Ultimately, it did the trick. Clockwork lived on. He caught up with my parents, and I wound up in an orphanage. It’s there that I met Bentley, the brains of our outfit, and Murray, the brawn. They turned out to be all the family I needed. Three years ago, I thought I’d beaten him-”

“And you also kissed me, then handcuffed me to a guardrail at the top of a volcano,” added Carmelita, who was helping the now-conscious Murray up.

“Moving along!” Sly said hurriedly at Twilight’s surprised look. “Ahem. Where was I? Oh, right. How naive of me to think I could so easily put an end to that kind of hatred. At the time, he was in pieces, but the threat was still real. A gang known as the Klaww Gang had stolen the parts before I could get them. Did the Klaww Gang even realise what they had stolen? I didn’t know what was in my future, but I wasn’t gonna let it end up like my past. Murray, Bentley, and I scoured the globe to get back those parts-”

“Then they got stolen by your evil “ex-girlfriend” Neyla, who then turned herself into a new Clockwerk,” put in Bentley, as Sly gave him a look that said, ‘you are so dead man.’

“Sly, exactly how many girls were there before me?” asked Twilight, a scowl on her face. Sly knew that he was in a sticky situation. He had to think fast to avoid sleeping in the doghouse tonight.

“Just the two,” answered Sly, trying his best to keep Twilight from rage-shifting on him. Murray raised his hoof, most likely to disagree with Sly, but decided not to when Sly hung his Cane over his head. “Now please stop interrupting,” he said. “We had a fierce battle with the new Clock-la, a battle which, although won, cost Bentley his ability to walk. And there we were, at the end of the road. The Klaww Gang was defeated and the Clockwork parts lay scattered in heaps. Yet, despite the explosion, they remained pristine. It was as if nothing could ever hurt them. Carmelita cursed herself for arriving in too late to get in a few shots on Clock-la, so she took it out on what was close at hand: The Hate Chip.

“And just like that, it was over. Without that core piece, that essential center of Clockwerk, there was nothing left. The parts aged before our eyes as if time had finally caught up with the ancient bird. How ironic that Carmelita, a police officer, would be the one to lift the curse from the Cooper family. The menace of Clockwork would never again rise to threaten me, or my children. True to her nature, she informed us that we were all under arrest. But one look at my gang told me we were in no shape for a fast getaway. So, I offered to go peacefully in exchange for letting my friends walk. They’d taken some bruises through all of this, but I was surprised, shocked really, to see them leave their gear behind as they walked away. Their wounds were deeper than I’d imagined. Those guys were hurting.

“Carmelita’s old police unit soon arrived. With me in custody, her name was cleared, and she even got a well-deserved promotion. It was the least I could do. The ride to HQ started in silence, each of us trying to read the other’s thoughts. As the reality of my capture began to sink in, she began to relax, and we got to talking. We spoke freely about our previous adventures, comparing notes, and even getting in a few laughs. My heart sank when she realised our short flight across town had already taken two hours. A fact I’d kinda clued into after seeing the Eiffel Tower float by seventeen times. She went forward to ask the pilot what was up, and it looked like my pals had left me a little going away present before taking off. Floating away on the night breeze, I could faintly make out Carmelita’s voice–”

“‘I’ll find you, Cooper!’ That’s what I said,” said Carmelita, the memories flooding backing into her like a busted dam.

“I know.” said Sly, anger evident on his face.

“Hoo?” Owlowiscious hooted.

“Cooper,” Carmelita reiterated.

“Hoo?”

“Cooper, damn it! Cooper!” Carmelita blinked a few times as the epiphany struck her like lightning. She chuckled at how silly she had been with the owl, and the others laughed as well.

And just like that, the sense of animosity that had blared through Sly came to pass, and he was smiling and basking the joie de vivre once more. “Glad to see you’re better,” said Twilight, snaking in a kiss from the ex-raccoon.

“Milady, I’m glad to be better.”

*BOOOM!*

The party cannon went off again, dousing both Sly and Twilight with confetti. The two looked appalled as they stared down at themselves, before turning on the perpetrator. “Pinkie!” Pinkie Pie grinned nervously at their upset leers.

“We’re sorry...” said Murray, who had been the one who had roped her into doing it. “...If what we did makes you think we should apologise.”

“Murray!”
	
> XX - Meetings In The Dark, Letters In The Park
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


~My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic~



Written by Deyeaz


with the help of the ever-brilliant Alex Rite



XX - Meetings In The Dark, Letters In The Park



~Mohaneigh Desert - 2:15 AM~


A lone pony in a cloak was walking through the Mohaneigh Dessert. He soon came to the entrance of Neighvada, the city that stood on the border of Equestria and the Badlands. He looked up to the sign, grunting to himself. He walked through the streets, looking around at the things he passed. Being so far out from the rest of Equestria, Neighvada wasn’t as... nice... as most other Equestrian towns were. The place was completely filthy, and crime was a very common event. The figure looked down an alley in time to actually see a crime in progress. A black male unicorn, horn glowing, was yelling at a brown Earth pony mare with a face clad in a carapace of makeup like a common prostitute. She could only watch in emotional pain as she was being smack-talked by the offending pony, the black stallion’s lips blasting insult after insult at her as though his mouth were a cannon.

The cloaked colt walked past the couple, a small chuckle escaping his lips. “This is my kind of place.” The shrouded figure glided through the crowd of thugs, pedestrians, ex-convicts, and what have you, exploring the lay of the land and memorising it like the back of his hoof, almost as if his brain... was a machine, one might suggest.

He then entered a bar and walked up to the counter. He removed his hood, revealing his brown fur and sloppy dark brown mane. His sapphire-blue eyes scanned the bar, looking for the back door to lead to an alleyway of some sorts. He smirked when he saw aforementioned back door, and so he slipped towards it like a snake in the grass, meandering through the barfolk.

Once in the alley, the chocolate-coloured stallion walked up to some figures cloaked in the shadows.

“Hey buddy, you can’t go this way,” said one, flipping and fanning a butterfly knife in his hoof. “At least, not without paying the toll.” He grinned as he motioned for the others to follow him. They began to surround the cloak-wearing stallion.

“Trust me, boys, this is something you don’t want to do,” he warned. “I came to get some information out of you, and that’s something that you can still do with some very painful injuries.”

“Oi! Who does this cheeky little git think he is?!” roared another one, his accent thick and foreign, signifying that he hailed from Great Braytain. “Get this little turd!

One by one, the five alleyway thugs withdrew weapons from their jackets and saddlebags, ranging from knives to lead pipes to even chains and black-market musket pistols. “Oh well. Can’t say I didn’t warn you imbeciles.” The victimised stallion’s blue eyes flashed yellow, and in the vicinity, the lights of the streetlamps went out one by one with a little pop, throwing the entire setting in blackness.

“What the?” said one of the thugs. Later came the sickening crack!, followed by the thug’s scream of agony. “MY LEG!”

“Aw, ponyfeathers!” hollered the Braytish pony, before something hard came launching into his face, unhinging his jaw and knocking out some of his teeth. He went down like a bag of wet cement. The first thug who demanded payment started wailing in excruciation as he felt something grab his wings and pull. The sounds of ligaments tearing and more bones breaking went off rapidly as he continued to scream and scream. A hoof to the back of his skull knocked him out.

One of the two remaining delinquents used his horn to fire the musket pistol in his grasp, the bullet missing its target by a huge margin. Knowing that the shot had given away his location, the pony tried to make a break for it, but not before something grabbed him by the throat and began squeezing. The asphyxiating gangster could feel his oxygen run low. His brain felt like it was cooking in his skull from the lack of air. The hooves on his neck relinquished their ironclad grip, and he fell to the floor, alive but out cold.

The last standing thug was shaking in the dark, his comrades down and out for the count. He felt something grab him by the scruff of his neck and pull him up. The gangster almost shrieked like a banshee when he saw the yellow eyes that glared down at him in hatred. “Where is it?!” The owner of those eyes had a... mechanical voice. As though his vocal cords were replaced with machinery.

The thug pointed a quivering hoof at a manhole at the end of the alley. The sickly green light that flared from the holes of the sewer lid confirmed the attacker’s suspicions, making him smirk in wicked joy.

“Get. Lost.” The stallion with the yellow eyes tossed the gangster aside, and watched as he ran from the alley, screaming his lungs off.

“Time to get to business.” The yellow eyes faded back to blue, and just like that, the lights in the streetlamps returned to working order, illuminating the putrid streets of Neighvada. There lay the brown stallion, and four severely injured ponies, bruised and slightly bleeding.

The stallion approached the manhole and flung it open, the lid clattering on the concrete and causing huge reverberations of sound along the walls of the alley. He’d better hurry: the commotion he had made would have definitely alerted the authorities. He snaked down the hole in the ground and, quick as he can, resealed it with the manhole, before disappearing into the darkness.

Pulling out a lantern from his cloak and lighting it, the brown stallion stared in awe at the sight of the sewers. The underground sewer channel looked grotesque and warped due to the black mess of carapaces that shelled the walls and floor of the room. Large lumps in the blackness glowed the same sickly green from before, until they faded back to black. Like a heartbeat.

The stallion progressed down the tunnel, taking care not to disturb the egglike lumps around him. The sound of skittering, buzzing, and chattering resonated all around him, the source coming from deep within. The tunnel seemed to go on and on, as if it transcended time and space.

When he came to the end of the tunnel, the stallion was awestruck by the size of the room. It was so spacious that it could fit Canterlot Castle quite cosily inside. Green cocoons dangled from the ceiling, black pony-like shapes curled up in fetal positions inside. Stalagmites and stalactites decorated the room, peppering the floor and ceiling respectively here and there. A black throne, crafted from the shells of many large insectoids, rested at the end of the room, basking in a green light.

What was even more striking than those details of this room were the changelings that teemed it, as well as the queen that they were facing in a crystalline mirror.

“Now is the time to strike, my children!” The queen, with lanky seaweed-green hair, a black insectoid-pony body and transparent wings, a large crooked horn, and a myriad of holes in her body, looked at her changeling armada with her green demonic eyes as she announced her plans through the glass: she was obviously somewhere else. “What’s to stop us from taking over Canterlot?! Once we rule this little castle, all the love of Equestria will be ours!” The changeling audience hollered and whooped and cheered in rejoice. “That’s right, children! Our family is about to grow, grow, GROW!” The queen giggled maliciously at the prospect of a higher changeling–pony ratio, and all the love that she could ever want.

As the changelings continued celebrating their soon-to-be victory, the stallion cleared his throat. “Pardon moi.”

The changeling queen turned to the voice, a horrified look on her face. “He’s heard our plan! Attack, my children!”

“Stop.” The voice from the stallion was mechanical again, his eyes glowing yellow. He glared at each and every one of the changelings that threatened to attack, the changelings freezing in their paths. “Not another step closer.” The glare he emanated towards them was one of inextinguishable hate, forcing the changelings to back away.

“Why do you hesitate?! Attack!” The queen’s fury coagulated into worry for her children’s obedience. “He’s standing right there!”

“Silence, you.” The stallion made his way to the crystal image, the queen flabbergasted by his mechanical bark. The changelings cleared a path for him to walk through, not out of respect, but because of the rage that was seeping through every pore in his body that made the changelings weak-kneed and queasy; they refused to be near anything that could potentially kill them. “Tell me, what is your name?”

“Why should I tell you?”

“I overheard. There’s something about this... Canterlot... that fascinates you. There’s a possibility that the one I seek is there.”

“And why should we help you?”

“Because if you don’t...” the stallion leered hatefully back at the changelings, who recoiled under his gaze. Some even passed out from the fury that he spilled forth. Some of the cocoons above even started to lose their sickly shamrock-green light and shrivel slightly. “I’ll make sure each and every one of your children die.”

“No, wait!” begged the queen. “We’ll help you... just, please, let them alone!”

The stallion grinned, happy to get what he wanted. “Good.” He turned tail and walked back to the exit, the changelings steering clear of him.

“Wait!” called the queen. “What is your name?”

The eyes of the stallion glowed an even brighter yellow. “I... am Clockwerk.”






~Sunshine Park, Ponyville - 1:15 PM~


The brilliant sun hung high above the mane six, Murray, Bentley, and Carmelita as they huddled around their checkerboard blanket and munched cheerily on their lunch, as they were gathered together for a group picnic. 

“It’s a shame Sly couldn’t be here for this,” said Rarity, sipping daintily on her tea.

“It’s okay,” said Bentley, swallowing his mouthful of egg salad before speaking. “Sly is used to hiding from the cops. Of course... Murray and I are usually hiding with him.” The magic blue aura of his horn brought another spoonful of egg salad to his mouth, and he ate it eagerly.

“I can vouch for that,” said Carmelita, nibbling on a cookie.

“Guys, we’re here to have fun, not talk about Sly’s criminal record,” said Twilight, letting go of the hay fries she was partaking in.

“Exactly!” Applejack declared happily, eating her daffodil sandwich in great earnest.

“Huff huff huff huff huff-!”

“What’s that sound?” Rainbow Dash looked up from position on the ground, lifting up her giant sunglasses.

“It looks like–”

“SLY!” cheered Pinkie Pie, cutting across Fluttershy’s statement. “SPIKE!”

Sure enough, the ex-raccoon and baby dragon appeared over the hill, huffing and puffing as they sprinted to their friends.

Sly was wearing a disguise, so as not to raise suspicion on himself. He was wearing his black and red clothes, and had moved his saddlebags so that they covered his cutie mark. Over the past few days, he had grown a small goatee, and he was wearing orange sunglasses to hide his eyes. 

“Twi– *huff* –light– *huff*,” said Sly as he tried to catch his breath.

“We– *huff* have– *huff* a... let me just–” said Spike, who was much more exhausted than Sly. When he had finally regained his breath, he began to say something, but was interrupted as he opened his mouth and belched out a scroll into Twilight’s face, whacking her on the nose. “Sorry.”

Twilight, rubbing her nose from how hard the scroll had crashed into her muzzle, picked up the offending bit of parchment and opened it up, noticing the golden seal of Princess Celestia emblazoned upon it. She read the letter while the two faux-messengers puffed and panted to regain their oxygen.



Dear Twilight Sparkle and friends,

It has come to my attention that the thief from a few days prior, Sly Cooper, has escaped from Canterlot's dungeons.

I know it was you.

I know you came to break him out.

Don’t worry: I’m not mad. If the letter you sent to me about Discord being behind all this is true, then you have nothing to worry about, my student. I’ve dropped the charges on Sly’s head, just make sure Shining Armour doesn’t see him, or there might be Tartarus to pay. See, Shining is so proud of his military that even the slightest mention of a breakout would be deemed impossible.

But since that has actually happened, Shining Armour is beside himself with anger.

Just stay on your hooves and make sure Shining doesn’t pummel your poor coltfriend to a pulp.

Sincerely,
~Princess Celestia

P.S.: If you wanted some cake, Sly, you should have just asked~ ❤



Sly’s calf-brown eyes contracted to pinpoints, confused by the postscript. “Er.... okay... that’s not at all weird and borderline creepy.”

“Ack!” Spike clutched his belly as his face contorted in slight pain, and he belched out two more scrolls, both hitting Twilight in the face again.

“What am I, a bullseye?” She asked frustratedly. “Those ballistic scrolls could’ve taken out my eyes!” She opened the scrolls as she read their contents silently to herself. With each passing sentence, her expression grew more surprised. She rolled up the scrolls, eyes bugged out.

“Twilight, what’s wrong?” inquired Sly, genuinely worried for the unicorn.

“Did something happen?” Spike asked.

“Is Sly in trouble?” Carmelita looked a bit gleeful.

“No...” Twilight turned and faced them all. “My brother is getting married!”

“Oh, that’s what all the hubbub was about?” Bentley asked, throwing his hooves up at the incredulity of it all. “You’re getting all worked up over your brother getting married?! What is this I don’t even–”

“That’s not it, Bentley,” deadpanned Twilight. “He’s getting married and he just told me, when he should’ve confided to me about it months ago! Hay, I don’t even know who this Princess Mi Amore Cadenza that he’s tying the knot with is!”

“...Oh.” Bentley shrunk down, but not before he pointed a hoof at Twilight. “Your girlfriend is downright scary sometimes, man,” he said to Sly.

“What? No, she’s not!” However, secretly, he nodded in agreement behind Twilight’s back. “Yes, she is,” he mouthed.

“Let’s just go to this stupid wedding...” Carmelita sighed. 

“Agreed.” And so, all ten ponies and one dragon cleaned up their picnic blanket and made way for the train.
	
	
	
	
	
> XXI - Bad Vibes (A Canterlot Wedding - Pt. 1)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


~My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic~



Written by Deyeaz


with the help of the ever-brilliant Alex Rite



XXI - Bad Vibes (A Canterlot Wedding - Pt. 1)


“All aboard!”

The conductor’s shrill yell blared through the station as the Mane Six and the Cooper Gang boarded the train to Canterlot once more. Sly and his friends remembered the last time they were here: the whole charade with the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness and all the other deserts being eaten still stuck to his brain, a benign leach on his subconscious that always arose when something of it reminded him. Sly had decided to go home for a second and quickly change his clothes back to his usual yellow and blue style, but he had insisted on keeping the goatee, saying he thought it was a good look for him.

Sly sighed. “Well, here we go again.”

“Don’t worry,” Twilight assured, kissing his cheek. “You’ll be fine. We just gotta hide you really well from... well, my brother.”

“Relax: Hiding’s what I’m good at.”

“Other than being a thieving little bilge rat...” muttered Carmelita under her breath, her words unheard by Murray, who was sitting next to her, yet distracted with a paddle ball.

“Carmelita, no matter how much you flatter me, it doesn’t change the fact that I’m already taken,” said Sly, trying his best not to snicker at Carmelita’s angry face. 

Carmelita turned away and grunted. “Stupid Cooper.”

Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie were having a conversation on the other side of the train. 

“A sonic rainboom? At a wedding?! Can you say ‘best wedding ever’!” said Rainbow Dash excitedly. 

“Best wedding ever!” said Pinkie, not getting what Rainbow Dash had meant. 

Just then Spike jumped into the conversation saying, “So you all get to help with the big fancy wedding, but I’m the one who gets to plan the bachelor party.”

“Do you even know what a bachelor party is?” asked Bentley. 

“I have absolutely no clue,” said Spike. Everypony started to laugh. 

Everypony but Twilight, anyway.

“Twi, you sure you’re okay?” asked Sly, worried about his marefriend. 

 “I'm just thinking about Shining Armour. Ever since I moved to Ponyville we've been seeing each other less and less. And now that he's starting a new family with this ‘Princess Mi Amore Cal-whatshername’, we'll probably never see each other.” said Twilight.

“Cal-whatshername. Good one,” said Sly, trying to cheer her up. Seeing that being funny wasn’t working, he decided to switch tactics. “You’re his sister, Twi. He’ll always make time for you. I would.”

“Couldn’t seem to make time to tell me he was getting married!”

“Ya know, you’re really making cheering you up hard.”

Just then Pinkie Pie jumped up shouting, “We’re here, we’re here!”

The passengers looked out the windows to see an incredibly disturbing sight. Canterlot was not only surrounded a huge amethyst force field, but the whole place was enveloped with squad upon relentless squad of Royal Guards, spears sharpened, armour polished, and mouths curled in scowls.

“Whoa, what’s with all the guards?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“They probably knew Sly was coming,” said Carmelita, sticking her tongue out childishly at an annoyed Sly.

“Oh please, Carmelita, I’m sure they’re just taking the necessary precautions. Royal weddings do bring out the strangest ponies,” said Rarity.

“But Pinkie was invited,” Bentley said, snickering a bit. 

Rarity gave Bentley an almost playful smack on the back of his head and said, ”Now let’s get going, we’ve got work to do.”

“And you’ve got a big brother to congratulate,” Applejack added to Twilight, patting her on the back to comfort her.

“Yeah, congratulate. And then give him a piece of my mind,” said Twilight.

“Well, this should be fun to watch,” Sly said to himself. “Hey, Twilight! Wait up!”





Twilight and Sly walked towards a tower where the former had said she was sure they would find Shining Armour. While Twilight was still upset, Sly was beginning to get a little worried about the entire situation. Sly was about to say something to Twilight as they were only a few yards away from the tower, but Twilight beat him to the punch. 

“I’ve got something to say to you, mister,” Twilight said to Shining Armour, who was standing on top of a wall giving orders to other guards in his purple armour. 

The guards drew their spears at the possibility of an oncoming enemy, but Shining Armour stopped them when he saw his sister. 

“Twily!” said Armour. He then noticed the gray stallion standing behind her. “...and Cooper.” He said with only mild distaste. He then walked down the stairs to the two of them, his mood changing back to being pleasant.

“Aw, I’ve missed you kid!” he said to Twilight. “How was the train ride? I-” 

“How dare you not tell me in person that you were getting married!” Twilight said, cutting Shining Armour off. “I’m your sister, for pony’s sake!”

Shining was shocked by his sister’s statement, but he then began to explain. “It’s not my fault! Princess Celestia has requested a major increase in security. Didn’t you see all the guards at the train station?’

“Oh, we saw them,” said Sly. “And then a joke was made at my expense because of them. They’re guarding the wedding, right?”

“It has nothing to do with the wedding, Cooper,” said Shining Armour, a little mad at Sly for jumping in. However, despite his contempt to the coon-pony, Shining Armour was in a bind: he had no jurisdiction to bring about harm upon Sly, in fear of both Twilight's inextinguishable rage towards him later, and the stern talking-to that the Princess would give him; after all, Celestia herself had dropped the charges on Sly in the first place. Besides, he had more imperative matters to attend to than a two-bit thief who stole a cake recipe. . So, all he could do was hold back his anger and simply say, “A threat has been made against Canterlot. We don’t know who's responsible for it, but Princess Celestia asked that I help provide additional protection. This, you need to see,” he said, walking a few feet away from the two of them.

Shining began to concentrate as hard as he could, and his horn began to glow. There was a flash of light, and a beam shot from his horn and into the force field. Shining rubbed his head in pain from the spell he had performed. 

“Dude... that was awesome,” said Sly, genuinely impressed.

Shining Armour smiled the smallest possible smile and, as he walked into the tower followed by Sly and Twilight, continued. “The burden of keeping Canterlot safe rests squarely on my shoulders. Staying focused on the task at hoof is... my top priority.” 

“And, he’s lame again,” said Sly.

As they stopped on a bridge at the top of the tower, an army worth of guards marching underneath them, Twilight began to see her brother’s point.

“Okay, okay, I get it,” said Twilight, “You’ve got a really important job protecting Canterlot with a force field-”

“An awesome force field,” interrupted Sly, trying his best to end up on Shining Armour’s good side. 

“An ‘awesome’ force field,” Twilight angrily amended, “that only you can conjure up. But still, how can you not tell me about something as big as your wedding? Am I not that important to you anymore?”

“Hey, you’re my little sister. Of course you’re important to me. But I guess I’d understand if you didn’t wanna be my best mare now.”

Oh, pulling an ace out of his sleeve, thought Sly. He’s good.

“You want me to be your best mare?” asked Twilight, stunned speechless by the proposal.

“Well... yeah,” said Shining. 

Twilight was overjoyed. Her heart was racing in her chest as she bounced happily around her brother, then tackled him in a massive huge. “I’d be honoured!” trilled Twilight, smiling wider than equinely possible.

“Hey, does this mean I’m the best stallion or whatever?” asked Sly excitedly. At the death glare the alabaster stallion gave him, Sly disappointedly said, “I didn’t think so.”

“But I’m still pretty ticked you’re marrying somepony I don’t even know,” said Twilight. “When did you even meet this ‘Princess Mi Amore Cadenza?’”

“Hey, I just realized, her name is French... and Italian... I think!” said Sly, surprised at the fact he had missed that.

Ignoring him, again, Shining said, “Twily, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza... is Cadence, your old foal sitter.” 

“Cadence? As in the Cadence? As in the greatest foal sitter in the history of foal sitters?” 

“You tell me, she was your foal sitter.”

Oh man, thought Sly, seeing what was about to happen. As Dimitri would say, ‘Here comes the freak out!’

“Ohmygosh, ohmygosh!” said Twilight excitedly, turning to Sly, predicting that he was about to ask who Cadence was. “Cadence was only the most amazing pony ever! She’s beautiful, she’s caring, she’s kind. I was so lucky to have her as my foal sitter. She was pretty much my only friend other than Shining Armour.”

“Ya know, you really keep changing the childhood story you tell me,” said Sly.

Ignoring him, she continued. “How many unicorns can spread love wherever they go? I only know of one,” she said as she turned to Shining Armour. “And you’re marrying her!” She then began to jump around Armour until she ended up in front of two ponies. One was a small, or by pony standards, regular sized, pink alicorn mare with a dark purple, pink, and yellow mane. Her sparkling eyes were a purple hue similar to Twilight’s coat. The other was a light brown earth pony stallion with a messy dark brown mane and bright blue eyes that, for some reason were staring with pure hatred at something right behind her.

“Are we interrupting something?” asked the brown stallion. 

At the sight of her old foal sitter, Twilight became very excited and started to do the dance they had always done together when she was a filly. However, the pink alicorn did not follow Twilight’s example. 

Well that was awkward to watch, thought Sly. 

“What are you doing?” asked the princess.

Confused, Twilight turned to her and said, “Cadence it’s me, Twilight.”

“Uh huh,” said Cadence, walking past a now frowning Twilight. 

Shining Armour, putting his arm around his fiance began to talk. “I’ve gotta get back to my station. but Cadence and her wedding consultant, Time Turner–” he pointed to the brown stallion “–will be checking in with all of you to see how things are going. I think I speak for both of us when I say we couldn’t be more excited to have you here. Right, dear?”

“...Absolutely,” said Princess Cadenza, with no aforementioned excitement whatsoever. For some reason, the way she said it gave Twilight and Sly the chills. 

“Well, we’ll let you get to it,” said Shining Armour, walking off with Princess Cadenza and Time Turner following closely behind. 

After they left, Twilight turned to Sly and said, “Okay, was I the only one who felt creeped out by her?’

“No, no, I felt it too,” said Sly. “She gives me a worse feeling than this one time I got locked up in ‘The Hole’ by the Contessa.” At Twilight’s confused look, Sly began to explain. “It's a long story involving a person who I thought was our friend, but ended up betraying us, which is something I'm never gonna let happen again. Anyways, the point is I’m with you, there is something wrong with that woman, and her little friend as well.” 

Let’s just hope it has nothing to do with those ‘future problems’ Discord was talking about, Sly thought worriedly....
	
	
	
	
	
	
	
	
> XXII - Marital Problems (A Canterlot Wedding - Pt. 2)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


~My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic~



Written by Deyeaz


with the help of the ever-brilliant Alex Rite



XXII - Marital Problems (A Canterlot Wedding - Pt. 2)


It was odd.

Watching Princess Cadence strut about the castle in a haughty manner was more than odd, pondered Twilight Sparkle. This wasn’t the same Cadence she had been given the pleasure of being babysitted by when she was naught but a young and sprightly little filly.

“Something is definitely up with her!” blurted Twilight, smashing her hooves onto the table outside one of Canterlot’s cafes. The Mane Six, Spike, and the Cooper Gang were shocked and appalled at the scholar’s behaviour. “Something’s not right at all!” She turned to look at Sly. “Don’t you think so?”

“Oh, yeah. No doubt.” Sly had learned from his father at a young age that women don’t want to hear a man’s opinion: they just want to hear their opinion voiced in a much deeper tone.

“And what’s even weirder is that Time Turner guy! Why does she need to have a consultant like him? She’s the Princess of Love, for pony’s sake!”

“You said it.”

“Okay, Twilight–” Rainbow Dash cleared her throat to bring the attention to her “–You’ve gotta let this issue go.”

“Let it go? Something extremely wrong is going on, and you expect me to just let it go!?”

“Yeah, pretty much,” said Murray, earning him a death glare from Twilight. Murray looked away, drowning in fear as he held on frantically to his lifesaver named Bentley. “I’m scared.”

“You said it,” concurred Bentley with a timid meep.

“Twi,” started Applejack, bracing herself for the tsunami before her if she said the wrong thing, “Rainbow Dash’s prolly right: y’all are just overreactin’.”

“I’m telling you guys, something is wrong here, and I plan to find out exactly what.” Twilight got up and started to leave, but not before looking back at Sly and tilting her head as she asked, “You coming, Sly?”

“Do I have a choice?” inquired the ring-tailed pony.

“No,” the other deadpanned.

“Then onwards!” exclaimed Sly, getting up to follow Twilight. “So, what’s the plan?”

“I have no idea....”

“Awesome! My favorite kind!” The other member’s of the entourage watch as Sly and Twilight trotted off, calculating a plot to help them with their endeavours.

“...For Faust’s sake, Spike, stop playing with those cake dolls!” hollered Rainbow, startling the wyvern and Pinkie Pie from their reenactment of the upcoming wedding event. “And Pinkie, don’t encourage him!”

“Awwww....” groaned the duo in defeat.





Twilight and Sly looked around a corner to their targets. Sitting a few yards away at an isolated cafè table, backs turned, were Princess Cadenza and Time Turner, the princess and her marriage consultant talking animatedly with one another.

“Do we have a plan yet?” Sly asked the purple mare from their hiding position inside a hedge.

“A little bit,” Twilight replied. “My plan so far is to follow them, watch for suspicious activity, and document it as evidence.” 

“So we’re stalking them and then taking pictures of them when they do stuff that doesn’t seem right,” said Sly blankly, taking out his Binoc-u-Com and setting it to camera mode.

“...Yes,” said Twilight, slightly annoyed. 

“I can’t really hear anything. Can you try and use your magic to help us with that?” requested Sly. Twilight nodded, and her horn shone with a brilliant rosy magic corona. It was as though she was a dial radio, the way her mouth was open slightly to resonate any transmission, which was rather warbly and distorted. Sly adjusted Twilight’s ears cautiously. The static sound of no connection warbled and shifted with each tweak of the mare’s ears.

Eventually, Sly picked up on a good signal. With his ear to Twilight’s lips, the Cooper thief could hear Cadenza and Turner’s discussion as clear as crystals.

“...take it that the plan is in motion, correct?” The female voice of Cadenza asked.

“Yes,” answered Turner. “Everyone is none the wiser... expect for that meddlesome unicorn... and Cooper....” The way the stallion said Sly’s surname with such malice sent nasty chilling tremors down his spine.

“Don’t worry about those two. We’ll take care of them soon enough.” Cadenze stood up from her seat, followed by Turner.  “You ready the Sword. I’ll take care of the Shield.” They skulked away from Sly and Twilight.

“Yeesh,” said Sly, moving away from Twilight’s mouth. “Whatever it is they’re planning, I do not like the sound of it.”

“Something tells me the sight of it will be even worse,” agreed Twilight. “Let’s follow them some more, but stay...” Twilight cut herself off as soon as she noticed that her ring-tailed coltfriend had disappeared. “...hidden....” She looked around until she saw that he was jumping from tree branch to tree branch, stalking the suspicious duo while remaining hidden at the same time.

Twilight sighed. “I swear that guy’s more like B.F. Cooper than he probably realizes,” she said as she began to traipse off after him. Twilight took extra care in her steps, deliberately yet inconspicuously tip-hoofing behind them to deaden the sound of her clopping hooves, and to appear casual in her movements so as to not attract attention from the pedestrians around her.

On this went for several minutes, until Cadenza split ways with Time Turner, the forks in the road impeding Sly and Twilight for but a brief moment. “You follow Cadenza,” Sly announced once they had reached the fork in their road. “I’ll tail Turner.”

“Right,” said Twilight. The two split up, prepared for whatever devious things their targets would be doing.





Sly followed the mysterious colt known as Time Turner through the city of canterlot, but aside from doing what seemed to be some simple errands, he didn’t really do anything of interest. 

I knew I should have followed Cadenza, thought Sly. She’s probably the one doing all the evil stuff. But this is Twilight’s old baby-er... foalsitter, and to each their own villain.

Sly also had another reason for wanting to follow Time Turner. There was something about him that seemed familiar to Sly. The way he stared at him and spoke his name with so much hatred felt like something Sly had dealt with sometime before, but he just couldn’t put his hoof on it. He was sure he hadn’t seen him around Ponyville, and even if he had, he couldn’t think of anything he had done to anger him or anypony.

And yet... even his name seems to be waving a red flag in my mind for some reason, Sly thought. Oh well... better just keep on his tail.

The stalker continued tailing the stalkee, despite the latter weaving in and out of pedestrian traffic and a myriad of alleyways and roads. Sly was numbed and desensitised of Turner just ducking into another alleyway that he could not foretell what could possibly happen next. Nor could he care. Carelessly, the coon-pony galloped into the alley, his routine of tracking him completely occupying his mind.

As Sly turned another corner, he blinked in confusion. Despite the alleyway he had just intruded being a dead end, Turner wasn’t there, looking at the wall in worry like Sly anticipated. That’s weird, he thought in utter bemusement. He’s not there.... he progressed further into the alley. For obvious reasons, I don’t like the looks of this....

*CLUNK!*

Something thick and metallic crashed hard and painfully into the back of Sly’s skull, his cranium cracking under the sheer force of the blunt object that hit him. He went down to the ground like a bag full of wet cement, all thought and sense wiped from his mind as he slumped to the earth with a thud, unmoving, unthinking, and unconscious.





Twilight continued to follow Cadenza down the roads. Despite the unicorn’s weaving, bobbing, and sidewinding through the multitude of ponies before her, Cadenza still had some distance between her and Twilight. Minutes snailed by, with Twilight’s patience finally being tested.

Only when Cadenza had entered a building—her and Shining’s little home, thought Twilight—did the orchid unicorn sigh a breath of relief, glad that she no longer had to follow her through a huge maelstrom of civilians. As the door closed behind Cadenza, Twilight clicked her tongue in frustration: even though she had honed the techniques of larceny from Sly’s book about his Cooper ancestry, she was stumped on how to open a door with making a single sound and disturbing Cadenza, thus blowing her cover.

Glancing about her encompassment, Twilight elicited a tiny smile at the sight of a window on the side of the house, leading directly to the room that Cadenza had entered. She trotted over to the window and peered inside. As Cadenza entered the other room, Twilight followed suit with the window adjacent her. Inside their bedroom, she saw her and Shining Armour, having a debacle of some sort.

“Are you seriously wearing that?” Cadenza questioned skeptically, as Shining readjusted his crimson-red uniform cautiously until his crest, a metal, immaculate clone of his Cutie Mark, was aligned symmetrically upon his chest.

“Yes, I am,” Shining retorted firmly. “It was my grandfather’s, and I thought I should wear it with honour.” 

With an offended scoff, Cadenza then pressed on, “Are you disagreeing with me?”

Despite being a hardened warrior and having seen even the worst dividends of battle, Shining still recoiled a wee bit under his fiancè’s harsh leer. “Well, no, I–” Cut off in the middle of his response’s construction, Shining clutched his temple with a hoof, wincing in great pain. Apparently, he was undergoing another intense migraine, possibly due to the immense amount of magical prowess he had to rouse in order to regulate the strength and endurance of the mammoth bubble shield that sheathed the entirety of Canterlot.

“Aw, are you having another one of your headaches?” Cadenza asked as she approached Shining. Her horn sheathed itself in a vivid green corona of magic as she directed it towards Shining’s forehead and fired a bolt of intense energy at him. Shining’s eyes became tinged with green and disoriented, almost chameleon-like as they rolled about in his head in different directions, with a look of shocked excruciation bound upon his face. Wobbly-legged, he tumbled to the ground.

Twilight ripped away from the window, heart hammering like mad and mind processing this recent devastation at about a mile a minute. “She... she’s not just rude and mean! She’s downright evil!” exclaimed Twilight,  running off in a hurry to find her friends.

Must... warn the others! she bellowed to herself internally, over and over again, panic coursing through her veins.

She could only hope that she would not be too late.





Twilight ran as fast as she could toward the tower her friends were in. Slamming the door open, she found her friends... wearing dresses. 

“Dresses?” Twilight stated bluntly, confused beyond equine comprehension, especially given the predicament on their hooves. “Why are you all wearing-”

“Can you believe it?” asked Fluttershy, cutting Twilight off. “We’re going to be Princess Mi Amore Cadenza’s new bridesmaids!” 

“New bridesmaids! What happened to her old bridesmaids?” asked Twilight. 

“She didn’t say,” answered Applejack, not being one at all to care for the frills and decor of fancy little dresses, yet was appeased and awed by Rarity’s design for her ensemble’s Southern-esque beauty. “But she did say she would love love LOVE for us to fill in for them.”

“Seeing as we’ve been working so hard and everything,” said Rarity, looking at herself in the mirror, firing flirtatious looks at herself, puffing up her regal mane with a dainty white hoof.

“And you had your doubts about her,” said Carmelita smugly, who Twilight hadn’t noticed because she was standing by the door. The ex-fox was donned in a stunning dress of her own, sequins dotting every last square inch of its surface. Her usually frizzy brunette mane was clean, well-kempt, and curled immaculately. Rich purple eyeshadow shrouded her eyelids, clashing with her milk chocolate eyes and giving them a guise of great grandeur.

Sweet Celestia, am I glad Sly isn’t here to see her. Twilight gasped in shock at her sudden horrific epiphany. Oh, no, where’s Sly?! 

“Told you she was an absolute gem,” added Rarity over Twilight’s internal hurricane of whirling thoughts.

“Are you sure this is what I should wear?” asked Rainbow Dash, kicking at the train of her dress with discomfort. “Doesn’t seem all that aerodynamic.” 

“I’ll see what I can do,” replied Rarity.

As her friends began to talk excitedly to each other about the upcoming event, Twilight turned around to leave, head hanging low. “I guess I really am on my own.”





The next day, everyone was practicing for the wedding. Princess Celestia stood behind the alter with Shining Armor standing in front, with Spike, Murray, and Bentley standing beside him in black tuxes. The girls- minus Twilight- began to slowly walk up the aisle, heads held high. 

“Perfect girls,” said Princess Celestia. “No need to rush.”

Rainbow Dash and Rarity looked at each other, excitement for the wedding evident on her face. 

“Then of course, Cadence will enter.” said Princess Celestia, as she and everyone looked towards the door. The guards opened the doors, Cadenza standing there, ready to take her place at the alter. Shining Armor smiled as his fiance began to walk down the aisle.

“I’ll say a few words, and then we’ll begin with the vows,” said Princess Celestia. “Shining, you’ll get the ring from your best mare.”

Shining Armor turned around and, to his shock, noticed his best mare wasn’t there.

...And, even weirder, Spike was still playing with those cake dolls.

“Hey, has anypony seen Twilight?” asked Shining Armor.

Just then, the doors magically burst open, gaining everyone’s attention, and Twilight walked in. 

“I’m here,” she said angrily. “I’m not gonna stand next to her. And neither should you!”

Shining began to look slightly embarrassed as he turned to his fiance. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why she’s acting like this.”

“Maybe we should just ignore her,” Princess Cadenza said, agitated that Twilight was ruining her wedding reception for her.

“You have to listen to me!” exclaimed Twilight.

“Oh goodness,” said Fluttershy. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” stated Twilight.

“You sure about that?” asked Carmelita.

“I’ve got something to say,” said Twilight, ignoring Carmelita’s jab.

Everyone looked at Twilight, afraid of what the purple mare was about to do.

Twilight pointed to Princess Cadenza and blaintedly said, “She’s evil.”

Everyone was shocked. Shining Armor moved in front of Cadenza protectively. 

“She’s been horrible to my friends,” Twilight said. She then teleported behind Cadenza. “She’s done something to her bridesmaids and Sly.” Cadenza began to back up from Twilight. “And if that wasn’t enough, I saw her put a spell on my brother that made his eyes go all-” Twilight rolled her eyes disorientedly to emphasise her point. Everyone looked at Cadenza, shocked. Cadenza smiled awkwardly, but stopped when Twilight got up in her face. Twilight smiled, sure that he had Cadenza cornered. Princess Cadenza looked at everypony...

...and began to sob. “Why are you doing this to me?” she exclaimed before running off.

“Because you’re evil!” Twilight yelled after her. Twilight teleported into the doorway and continued, “Evil! And if I don’t, you’re going to ruin my brother’s life!”

Everyone stared at Twilight, mouths hanging open. 

“Well, this just got weird,” said Bentley. 

“Agreed,” said Murray.

Twilight proudly walked back into the room, only to bump into a very unhappy Shining Armor. Twilight smiled sheepishly at her brother, but he still gave her a death stare that could rival her own.

“You wanna know why my eyes went all-” Shining tried to repeat the motion Twilight had done, but ended up hurting himself instead. He shook himself off and continued. “Because ever since I started to perform my protection spell, I’ve been getting terrible migraines. Cadence hasn’t been casting a spell on me, she’s been using her magic to heal me.”

Twilight was about to ask about the bridesmaids, but Shining beat her to it. “And she decided to replace her bridesmaids because she found out the only reason they wanted to be in the wedding was so they could meet Canterlot royalty.”

“But what about Sly?” asked Twilight.

“He couldn’t be here right now,” said Time Turner, who had appeared out of nowhere right next to Twilight. “Let’s just say he’s in... deep trouble.”

“And if she hasn’t been on the best behavior with your friends is because with me being so busy, she’s had to make all the decisions about the wedding!”

“I was just trying to-”

“She’s completely stressed out because it’s really important to her that our big day be perfect!” exclaimed Shining, interrupting his sister. He turned around and said right into her face, “Something that obviously wasn’t important to you!” Shining barreled past her, stomping away down the hall and as far away from Twilight as possible. “You can forget about being my best mare! And If I were you, I wouldn’t even show up to the wedding at all!” And with that, Shining Armor left, leaving Twilight alone with the others. They all looked at her, appalled, until Applejack spoke up.

“Come on, y’all. Let’s go check on the princess.”

Everyone walked past Twilight, refusing to even look at her. Princess Celestia walked down the hall as well, and looked down at Twilight. The alicorn princess was flowing with disappointment and an upset energy was brewing within, all directed at Twilight as she said, “You have a lot to think about.” With that, Celestia departed as well without another word.

Twilight stood there, misty-eyed and horrified by these recent events. She was tearing up at the thought of what she had just done.

“Maybe I was being overprotective,” she said to herself. She walked over to the steps to the altar and laid down. “I could have gained a sister. But instead... I lost a brother. He was my big brother best friend forever, and now we’ll never do anything together.” Somepony walked up to Twilight and began stroking her mane. Twilight looked up and saw Cadence standing over her, a sympathetic smile stitched upon her lips. “Oh, Cadence... I’m so sorry...” wept Twilight.

Cadence’s eyes flashed green, taking a serpentine guise. Forest-green flames shrouded Twilight as Cadence coldly stated, “You will be.”

Twilight thrashed wildly as she phazed through the ground, as an evilly grinning Cadenza walked over to a yellow eyed Time Turner.


To Be Continued....

	
	
	
	
> XXIII - That Princess Is A Changeling! (A Canterlot Wedding - Pt. 3)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


~My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic~



Written by Deyeaz


with the help of the ever-brilliant Alex Rite



XXIII - That Princess is a Changeling! (A Canterlot Wedding - Pt. 3)


Cold.

Quiet.

Dark.

Sound like anything familiar to you?

“Gaaah!” Sly screamed, awakening from his deep state of unconsciousness, his scream reverberating against the gemmed walls around him. He clutched his head with a hoof, wincing at the pain of having an object bashed into his skull. He almost empathised with his enemies whenever he would smash their craniums in with his cane on a heist... almost. 

‘Wait... Gemmed walls?’

Indeed, for instead of the concrete and brick walls of the alleyway Sly had last occupied, he only saw oblong crystalline walls all around him, twisting, turning, and skewing off in a myriad of directions. Almost like a mineshaft. 

‘Wow... I’d really admire this place and its Feng Shui if I knew how the hell I got down here.’

“Hellooo?” called a voice that sounded very familiar. Sly’s ears perked up as that sound. He knew precisely who it was.

“Twilight!” exclaimed Sly, running towards the voice of his marefriend.

“Sly?” said Twilight, heart pounding against her rib cage as she made a mad dash for the stallion. They soon ran into each other in the middle of a tunnel, hugging each other tightly on impact. The two stayed like that momentarily, before Twilight planted a kiss on Sly’s lips right on the spot. “I was so worried about you!” She said, overjoyed at seeing the ringtailed stallion. “Are you alright?”

“Mm-hmm,” hummed Sly. “Wow. I gotta disappear more often.” This cheeky remark was rewarded with a small slap from Twilight. “So... where are we?”

“The Caves beneath Canterlot.” said another familiar, less friendly voice. The star-cross’d lovers whirled around to view an image of Cadenza, whose face had materialised on one of the crystals embedded in the walls. Sly and Twilight got in battle-ready positions, glaring menacingly at Cadenza. “Once home to the brave unicorns who thought they could claim the gems. And now... your prison.”

“Don’t worry Twilight, I know just what to do,” said Sly. “Help! HELP!” He then cried. Twilight sighed at Sly’s ludicrousy.

“It’s no use,” said Cadenza. “No one can hear you, and no one will ever think to look for you either. Most ponies have forgotten that these caves even exist. Which is why they are a great place to put those who try to interfere with my plans.”

“Plans?” asked Twilight. “What plans?”

“The plans I have for your brother, of course.”
 
“If you lay one hoof on him...!” Twilight growled, eyes narrowed in fury.

“I’d love to see you try to stop me!” Cadenza laughed wickedly, her horrid cackles vibrating throughout their gemmed surroundings, ringing in both Twilight and Sly’s ears.

“I’m not gonna let that happen,” interjected Sly, the desire to take initiative overcoming him. “Look, you pink tramp–” Cadenza growled angrily at the offending sobriquet “–Armour Head and I may not see eye to eye, and we kinda wanna kill each other every now and then; but he means a lot to Twilight, and there’s no way in Hell I’m letting you do anything to him!”

Cadenza snickered. “We’ll just see about that....”

“Twilight, blaster mode!” Sly shouted at the top of his lungs.

“What?” asked Twilight.

Sly sighed and facehoofed. “Just start blasting things with magic.”

“Oh, right,” said Twilight, as she sent a soaring bolt of magic toward the wall where Cadenza’s face had been. Unfortunately, the blast didn’t shatter the wall: it instead ricocheted back and forth, rebounding at a ridiculous rate like an out-of-control bouncy ball. Sly and Twilight ducked, not wanting the bolt of volatile energy to hit them. One cracked wall, not as structurally fortified as its brethren, took the brunt of the blast and was eviscerated into little pieces, the dust created from the explosion forcing Sly and Twilight to cough vigorously. Behind the decimated rock wall...

...was a matty, unkempt Cadenza.

Cadenza, Sly, and Twilight looked at each other in shock for a second, right before Twilight went on the attack. 

“No! Wait!” yelled Cadenza as Twilight barreled on top of her, intent on bringing harm to the one who would endanger the safety and security of Equestria. “Don’t hurt me!” 

Twilight stopped when Cadenza was underhoof, and Cadenza saw who it was on top of her.

“Twilight! It’s me! Please, you have to believe me! I’ve been imprisoned down here like you! The Cadence who brought you down here was an imposter!”

“Don’t fall for it, Twi,” said Sly. “That sounds like something from a cheesy soap opera.”

“Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake...” Cadence started the song she and Twilight had done when Twilight was a filly. Twilight joined at the end with a “Clap your hooves and do a little shake!” Cadence smiled at Twilight, who smiled back, overjoyed at seeing her real foalsitter before her.

‘That... is even more awkward when they both do it,’ thought Sly.

“You remember me!” exclaimed Twilight, jumping into the arms of Cadence and hugging her as tightly as possible. The scent of her foalsitter infiltrated Twilight’s nostrils with great gusto, the smell of fragrant perfume, intoxicating yet gentle.

“Of course I do,” said Cadence. “How could I forget the filly I loved to sit for the most?” Cadence looked over at Sly. “Um... who’s this?”

“Sly Cooper,” said Sly, introducing himself. “Twilight’s coltfriend.”

“Impressive,” Cadence said to Twilight.

“I know, right?” replied Twilight.

“Ladies, focus,” interrupted Sly. “We need to find a way out of here.”

“Indeed.” Cadence cleared her throat and began singing. “This day was going to be perfect; The kind of day of which I dreamed since I was small; But instead of having cake; With all my friends to celebrate; My wedding bells, they may not ring for me at all...”

‘Aaaand it’s official. My life is now a soap opera,’ thought Sly in mild internal despair. The trio hopped inside a mining cart adjacent to them. Wait, how the hell did that get there?!

“We must escape before it’s too late; Find a way to save the day; Hope, I'll be lying if I say; I don't fear that I may lose him; To one who wants to use him; Not care for, love, and cherish him each day; For I oh-so love the groom; Oh my thoughts he does consume; Oh Shining Armor, I'll be there very soon.” sang Cadence as they spiraled down the tracks, eventually sloping up a broken end. Twilight and Sly shut their eyes tighter than deadbolt locks, squeezing each other in a strong hug should they tumble to their demise.

Cadence was having none of that, as she expanded her wings and glided spectacularly through the air, Twilight and Sly encompassed in her sky-blue magic corona and sailing along with her as the three of them landed precariously on their hooves on a ledge. The light streaming through a hole in the area indicated their way out.

However, it was mostly short-lived as three mares stepped out from the shadows, barricading the way and impeding our heroes. Twilight and Cadence recognised them as the latter’s previous bridesmaids: Lyra Heartstrings (whom Sly also recognised from back in Ponyville, but that’s not important right now), an azure pony with a cobalt mane and tail, dubbed Minuette; and a creme-coloured mare with a pink mane and tail, known as Moondancer. “You’re not going anywhere,” the three ex-bridesmaids said to the three heroes in a monotonous deadpan, almost as though they were zombies, their eyes not being their original colours, but instead being a sickly green hue that glowed and shimmered menacingly.

“Okay. Three of us. Three of them. I think we can take them,” said Sly.

“We don’t have time,” said Twilight warningly.

“Aaawww,” groaned Sly as Twilight’s horn concealed itself in another rosy hue, and from out of nowhere, a bouquet of flowers emerged as it danced tantalisingly in the faces of the brainwashed bridesmaids, who watched its teasing motions with their undivided attention. Okay, now where did that come from?! thought the coon-pony.

“Fetch!” hollered Twilight, chucking away the bouquet. Like dogs to a bone, the three ex-bridesmaids jumped for it, all of them simultaneously screaming “Mine!” as they sailed through the air in the hopes to catch the object of their affections. “Come on!” she hollered as they dashed up the stairs, bent on stopping the wedding between Shining Armour and that... false Cadence.

They could only hope that they weren’t too late.





In the chapel, It seemed as though time was almost up as Princess Celestia began to finish the vows. “Where’s Twilight?” inquired Applejack in a hushed tone, somewhat worried about where her best friend could possibly be. “Ah hope she’s alright.” 

“Surely she’ll be fine, darling,” reassured Rarity in a quiet voice. 

“Princess Cadenza and Shining Armor,” said the Princess, “It is my great honor to pronounce you-”

“I object!” shouted Sly, gaining the attention of everyone in the chapel. He turned to Twilight and said, “I know it’s a little late, but I just really wanted to say that.”

“Oh boy,” said Bentley, facehoofing. “Here we go again.”

“Uuugh,” groaned Cadenza angrily, “Why does she have to be so possessive of her brother?”

At the strange look from Celestia she sadly said, “Why does she have to ruin my special day?”

“Because it’s not you’re special day,” announced Cadence, walking in the chapel. “It’s mine.”

“Oh yeah!” exclaimed Sly. “Take that, you psychotic pink devil!”

“What?” exclaimed Time Turner in shock. “How did you get past the bridesmaids?”

“Through some... very coincidental means,” said Sly, who still wondered that, too.

“Two Cadences?” exclaimed inspector Carmelita, eyebrow cocked high in suspicion. “Okay, who’s responsible for the soap opera-like stupidity? It was Sly, wasn’t it?”

“Lay off, woman! I had nothing to do with it!” Sly confessed.

“She’s a changeling.” explained Cadence, pointing an prosecuting hoof at her doppelganger on the altar. “She transforms into somepony you love and then feeds off your love for them!”

Just then, the Cadenza at the altar was surrounded by a ring of green fire as she transformed into a changeling. She grew into a taller, black pony-like form. Her thin body was masked in thick armour of insectoid chitin. Her now longer legs were covered in holes like Swiss cheese. Her feathered wings became clear and insectoid as well. Her eyes became draconic and green. Fangs grew from her snout, and her mane became a seaweed green mess, topped of with a strange crown and a horrible crooked horn. No longer did the fake Cadence stand before them, and instead...

...Was the horrible Queen Chrysalis, ruler of the changelings.

‘...You suck, Discord,’ thought Sly, assuming these were the future problems Discord was referring to. 

“Well, so much for the subtle plan,” said Time Turner. “Guess it’s time for the destructive plan.” Time Turner’s skin beneath his fur rippled beneath his skin, the flesh ripping open as metallic joints burst through, connecting, clicking, and unsheathing to take the shape of a steel robotic owl. The wedding guests screamed in sheer fear as they rushed out the room for their lives. 

“Surprise, Cooper!” exclaimed Time Turner, in a metallic voice. Sly could not believe his eyes. Standing in front of him was his mortal enemy, the master of hate, the creature that had plagued his family for thousands of years.

Clockwerk.

‘What the hell Discord!?!’ exclaimed Sly in his head.
	
> XXIV - Attack on Robot Owl (A Canterlot Wedding - Pt. 4)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


~My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic~



Written by Deyeaz


with the help of the ever-brilliant Alex Rite



XXIV -  Attack on Robot Owl (A Canterlot Wedding - Pt. 4)


“Clockwerk!” exclaimed Sly, shocked at the reappearance of his once-dead archenemy. “How can you be here? Last time I saw you, you disintegrated! Or.. maybe you dissolved, I mean you were in water, but the point is you were dead! And more importantly, you were in my world, not Equestria!” 

“Ah, but I have you to thank for being here Cooper.” said Clockwerk, a wicked grin growing on his metallic face.

“I did what now?” 

“Allow me to explain, foolish Cooper…”





Cold...Dark...Empty…

This is what it was like being trapped in Limbo, such is the fate of all evil souls. 

I knew it was my hatred that had brought me to this hellish void, but still the only thing that went through my mind was, “Kill Cooper. Destroy Cooper. End Cooper.”

Then, as if by an act of fate, there Cooper was, talking to Death. Death had opened a portal and as Cooper was about to go through, my Cooper killing instincts kicked in. I was not about to let my one chance at getting revenge on the person who trapped me here escape my grasp. Much to my chagrin, Cooper got through the portal. 

But so did I.

However, through odd circumstances, I was not behind Cooper. Stranger still, I was falling from the sky towards a checkered ground, only to be saved by a cloud made of cotton candy. Even stranger, when I was on the ground, I noticed I was in the form of an equine. Quite soon the scenery before me changed into a more normal style, and with that I took my leave.

Over time I learned about my surroundings, finding that I was in a land known as Equestria, and I had come at the release of a chaos spirit by the name Discord. I had not seen any sign of you, but I was not going to let that stop my revenge plan. I began planning, searching, and rebuilding my robotic form. Soon I learned that you had arrived in Equestria, after which I met the changelings, and a partnership was formed…





“And now here I am, finally here to kill you,” said Clockwerk, finishing his tale. “I will also have to kill your girlfriend, too.”

“What!?” exclaimed Twilight and Sly in unison.

“Just as a precaution. I do not want to kill you only to find out that there is another generation of Coopers that I will have to deal with,” explained Clockwerk. 

“Oh, come on! Why does everyone keep thinking we’ve been doing that?!” exclaimed a red-faced Twilight.

“I know! We haven’t even been going out that long!” remarked Sly, cheeks blooming the same colours as his marefriend’s.

“Silence!” roared the irritated Clockwerk, his outrage palpable in the air, his remark cutting short any more verbal defecation from the duo. “It ends now, Cooper! You and your precious floozy die here!”

“No.” Many had forgotten that Celestia was still present at the time, mainly due to their fixated horror towards Clockwerk’s appearance and his plans. “You may have infiltrated our defences, kidnapped Cadence and replaced her with this imposter–” she pointed an accusing hoof at Chrysalis, who scoffed at her accusation, however true it may be “–but I would never allow you to lay even one rusty claw on my loyal subjects. Is. That. Clear?” She stomped forward a bit,  the ground cracking beneath the force of her hooves’ landings.

“Ohh, what’s the pretty little pony going to do?” mocked Clockwerk as he turned towards her, metallic beak so close to her face that she could smell the oil he salivated, “Are you going to use the magic of friendship on me?” All his taunting added to Celestia’s fury, which was evident by the low growl from her throat and her scrunched-up muzzle.. “As if that will ever really work! You and your precious little friends are but mere ants compared to my power.” He turned his back to Celestia. “Chrysalis? Be a dear and finish her off.”

Chrysalis’s crooked horn, obelisk-like and littered with holes, flared an acidic green. Celestia, understanding the danger, charged up her horn with her own magic, a pure gold corona swirling around the forehead bone. Two beams, both loaded with highly-volatile magic of varying colours barrelled into each other with the force of Spaniard bulls, sparks scattering hither and thither.

The pinnacle where the two rays collided with great violence quivered here and there, one summoning what strength and prowess they had to best the other. Celestia’s royal gold beam closed in on Chrysalis, almost disintegrating her into naught but dust. 

However, she was fueled by the one thing a pony must never give in the presence of a changeling.

Love.

The love from Celestia for her fellow ponies, the love between Twilight and Sly, and the unrequited love that Shining Armour had to devote to her was what gave Chrysalis the might to push back Celestia’s powerful beam, her green magic overpowering the princess’s in but mere seconds. The beam hit Celestia, burning the top of her horn and blasting her across the room, her crown, which had been knocked off her head, landing noisily a few feet away. Everypony in the room gasped in shock. Twilight ran over to the princess’s side, followed by Sly, Spike, the Cooper Gang, and the rest of the Mane Six, who all crowded around the defeated princess.

        Sly began to worry. Chrysalis was a bad enough problem if she was strong enough to take down Princess Celestia, but they’d also have to deal with Clockwerk. Sly may have been able to defeat him twice before, but Clockwerk was pretty strong and had come too close for comfort to killing him. What’s worse, both times he had been back in his world, when he had been a raccoon. He may have been able to take down a griffin as a pony, but he was afraid that Clockwerk might be a different case entirely, especially since he had managed to rebuild his deadly robotic form. Sly didn’t know how he, or anypony else, could take down the lord of hate.

“The...the Elements,” Celestia groaned, as if reading Sly’s mind. “Use them to defeat the owl and the queen.”

“G-got it!” Twilight choked out, taken heavily aback by the very idea of Celestia’s defeat, especially to a queen whose existence they just recently learned about—surely, if she was new, she would have had to be weak to begin with.

But since that wasn’t so, it was all Twilight and her friends could do to spring forth from the reception hall and claim the Elements of Harmony in the hopefully not vain attempts to end the Changeling menace once and for all.

“Murray, looks like it’s time to kick some butt,” Bentley said to his fuchsia companion.

“Awesome!” exclaimed Murray. “That’s The Murray’s favorite time of the day.”

“And with the addition of The Pinkie!” added Pinkie Pie.

“We’re doomed,” said Carmelita, facehoofing.

“Let’s write our final words, shall we?” groaned Rarity, sighing in grief.

“Ah’ll go first, Ah s’pose,” deadpanned Applejack.

“Guys, snap out of it! We’ve got a city – no, a world – to save!” exclaimed Twilight.

“So knock it off and fight back against this big hunk of black homewrecking menace!” coaxed Sly.

“That’s racist,” teased Carmelita.

“Shut up!” retorted Sly. “Okay guys, here’s the plan. Twilight, you and the girls make a dash for the Elements. Carmelita, you go along with them as backup. Murray, Bentley, and I will deal with Clockwerk and Chrysalis. And Spike-” Sly turned his head to the baby dragon who puffed out his chest and saluted to Sly, prepared to receive his orders. “-you protect Princess Celestia from getting any more harm.” The young dragon nodded and stood over the princess, ready to deal with anypony who would attempt to hurt her. Sly doubted that anyone would, though, which is why he gave the job to Spike. This way, he wouldn’t be in any danger.

“Sly, are you sure this is a good plan?” asked Twilight, worry evident on her face.To be quite honest, Sly thought this was the worst plan he could come up with, but they didn’t have time to come up with a better one, so he smiled soberly at his marefriend. 

“I’m sure,” he assured her. “Now hurry up and get those Elements here fast, I wanna make sure that there’s still enough time to enjoy the wedding party and grab a slice or two of cake.”

Twilight smiled and gave sly a quick peck on the cheek.

“Be sure to break a few skulls for me, alright, Pinkie?” requested Murray.

“You got it,” Pinkie said as she rapped the fuschia stallion in a quick hug.

“Good luck,” Bentley told Rarity.

“Thank you,” she replied.

Carmelita nudged Twilight. “Look, Sparkle, if we don’t make it out of this, I just want you to know, you’re fine by me.”

“Thanks, Carmelita,” said Twilight, smiling. “You’re okay, too.”

With all their exchanges finished, Twilight ran out of the chapel, followed by Carmelita and the rest of the girls. The Cooper Gang turned to face their powerful opponents, prepared for the battle they were getting themselves into.

“I’m gonna miss the time we’ve spent here,” Bentley remarked sorrowfully. “It’s been fun, but here we are again, preparing for what will likely be our final stand.”

“Come on, Bentley,” said Sly, showing off his signature lopsided grin. “We’ve dealt with impossible odds stacked against us several times before, and we’re still breathing. As long as we have each other, we can accomplish anything. I guess... that’s the magic of friendship.”

Bentley looked up at Sly, a sad smile on his face. “Never thought you’d be the one to cheer a guy up with a sappy monologue like that.”

“Well, Bentley, our time in Equestria has changed all of us. And honestly, I think it may have been for the better.”

“Enough talk!” exclaimed Murray, obviously pumped for the fight ahead. “It’s time to smash some skulls and save the day.”





        “Wow…” Sly grumbled in disappointment. “We suck at fighting these… what do you call ‘em?”

        “Changelings,” answered the Mane Six in monotonous unison.

        “Right…” The Changelings tossed aside the Cooper Gang and the Mane Six as though they were naught but a volley of ragdolls. Apparently, their attempts to obtain the Elements of Harmony were in vain.

        “That has got to be the shortest, most pathetic attempt at fighting back in the history of ever,” said Clockwerk, his wicked grin growing by the second. 

        “Well, in all fairness,” replied Bentley, “The Equestrians are more of lovers than fighters.”

        “And that’s exactly why I’m here,” Chrysalis retorted. “The love in this city alone can feed my subjects for centuries. The entirety of Equestria is enough to keep us fed for millions of years, and soon, all that love will be ours.”

        “Do you honestly think you’ll get away with-?!” snapped Twilight, only to be cut off at the horrid sight of a cocoon-bound Princess Celestia, the alabaster alicorn glancing around with fret at the circumstance she was given.
        “Uh… she already might have gotten away with it, toots,” snidely answered Sly.

        “Can it!” Twilight whacked Sly upside his head with a hoof, bone hitting bone with a comical “DONK”.

        “Ow!”

        “Silence!” Clockwerk screeched angrily. “You will pay, Cooper and Cooper’s tramp!”

        “Tramp?!” Twilight repeated in deadly ire.

        “Twilight is not a tramp!” Sly angrily screamed at the villainous owl. Turning to Twilight, he continued. “She’s the most wonderful mare I’ve ever met. She’s smart, funny, and she always knows how to cheer me up. I feel warm and fuzzy every time our eyes meet, sparks everytime we kiss. She’s the light of my life, my true love, my l’amour vrai.” Sly turns back to Clockwerk, a scowl on his face. “And as long as I live, I will protect her with my life.”

“Well then, it looks as though neither of you have long lives to look forward to,” replied the devilish bird. “This ends here, Cooper. You may have gotten lucky several times, but that was with the help of your comrades. Let us see how you fare solo, shall we?”

“Wha-”

Before even getting the moment to form a rebuttal, Sly felt his body be ensnared Clockwerk’s mammoth metal claws as the alloy-based owl yanked Sly from his comrades and blitzed through one of the windows. 

“Sly!” Twilight screamed in both shock and terror as she watched her loved one be swept away.

“It ends here, Cooper!” Clockwerk screeched as he chunked Sly into the air, ready to bite down upon his skull with his enormous steel jaws. Unfortunately for Clockwerk (but lucky for Sly) using his quick wit and reflexes, Sly did a ninja spire jump on the tip of Clockwerk's beak, and then quickly jumped onto his back. 

“...Crap.” Clockwerk’s armour looked sleeker, with less fractures in them, and more resilient than their last fight. He looked like he upgraded from steel to something stronger… titanium? His cane wasn’t going to do much with the surface, he feared.

“Surprised, foolish rodent?!” Clockwerk robotically roared in sadistic mocking. “You should be! I’ve taken extra precautions so that I’ll be impervious to any outside attacks!”

        Then, *FWOOOOOOSH* went a noise between Clockwerk’s talons, like a long spray of cologne in front of an open flame. Sly, intense focus thrown off by the exclamation, looked down at the source.

        “Spike?!” The little purple dragon was being squeezed tightly between Clockwerk’s talons like a squeaky toy in the maw of a dog. Apparently, in an attempt to help his big-brother figure, Spike had grabbed on to Clockwerk as he moved to attack Sly, but had instead gotten himself trapped in the cybernetic avian's clutches. "Dude, what part of 'stay with the princess' did you not understand!?"

        “Y-You needed help!” Spike screeched defensively as his cheeks puffed and he let out a flaming belch. There was something off about this one, however. Rather than the emerald, benign blaze he typically let out, this one was a monolithic, towering inferno of crimson fire. It could roast an ox in one blow. “H-Help! It hurts when that happens!”

        “Wait a second…” Sly murmured. “How did he do that?” He wracked his brains together, recollecting all of his previous memories after he had gotten to Equestria, and summoned all knowledge of what Spike could have done to have emitted a massive blaze like that.

“Eureka!” It was not what Spike did… it was what he ate. He remembered that Spike had carelessly eaten the Crimson Diamond, the one that Sly had literally lost his life to steal. The Diamond, ground into a powdered solvent by Spike’s teeth, must have caused a reaction with his stomach acid, maybe even altering his combustion chambers.

Soon, a brilliant (or desperately stupid) plan was formed. "Spike, I apologize,” Sly said as he snuck around Clockwerk’s sleek new body and jimmied the little dragon from his grasp. “This may hurt a bit.”

“For you, at least!” Clockwerk bellowed, flicked the coon-pony and drake into the air. The beak was spread open wide, ready to maul and gore the two to giblets and gizzards. Sly jammed his cane in between the metal opening. The resilient wood and gold cane prevented Clockwerk from closing his mouth anytime further as Sly landed precariously on it.

“Hey, birdbrain!” Sly taunted over the sound and fury of his foe. “Open wide and say ‘Ahh’!” The thief tilted Spike’s body towards Clockwerk and began shaking him like a can of soda.

“H-hey, what are you-?!” The question was cut off by Spike’s cheeks inflating with deadly fire, before he belched a grand torrent of devastating flames down Clockwerk’s gullet. Under normal circumstances, Clockwerk would have ground the cane and them into dust, unaffected by the fire. But the Crimson Diamond was special - if abused, it could mean the evisceration of life as they knew it. 

Clockwerk’s inner circuitry was being melted and fried by the intense power of the flames, plastic and metal burning acridly and short-circuiting spontaneously. "Spicy, isn't it?" Sly said, feeling that one more bad joke was required. Clockwerk was convulsing beneath them, the voltage and current inside of him being uncontrollable anymore.

“CuRsE yOu, CoOpEr!!” the bird screamed, his voice warbling and changing in both volume and pitch. Finally, Clockwerk stopped moving altogether, his motherboard giving out at last.

Sly and Spike would have celebrated with great glee and gusto… had they not forgotten that they were several thousand feet high.

But they were, so….

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” The two wailed in great horror as they and Clockwerk’s metallic carcass dropped down to earth, the clouds swirling around them and clouding their vision. They flailed comically through the cumulonimbi to grab on to the fallen Clockwerk. 

“WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN?!” Spike screamed.

“WELL… IT WON’T BE PRETTY!” Sly responded. Once they burst through the clouds, the two saw what the mountain’s waterfall ended. An enormous pool of water rested at the end, the surface tension ready to decimate their bones to pieces. “HANG ON!”

The body picked up more acceleration, nearly hitting terminal velocity. Sly let go of Clockwerk’s corpse, quickly snatched up Spike, and threw him away from the water in his third desperate plan in the last few minutes (a personal record). The dragon plopped unceremoniously onto the grass by the pool’s base with only a bump or two, yet nothing fatal.

*SPLOOSH!*

Spike turned and saw the massive heap of metal smash into the water, with Sly crashing viciously into it as well. The sound and the angle Sly crashed at weren’t pretty. Not pretty at all. His jaw dropped in terror, and tears were slowly welling in his serpentine eyes.

“SLYYYY!!!!!” 


~End of Chapter XXIV~