• Member Since 6th Jan, 2014
  • offline last seen May 9th, 2014

sweetapple_fireplumelove


my fave pony is Fluttershy, fave shipping is TwiLuna my name's sam, but i like being called sammie :3

T

Scootaloo ran away three months ago from her abusive mother. She thinks she's worthless, and will never fly. She thinks she will not be missed. Here's how she finally got to fly
(Also some romance, not much more of admitting feelings)
THERE WILL BE A SECOND CHAPTER FROM SWEETIEBELLES POINT OF VEIW.
Also, those who read, this is my first time trying a fic with true, real emotions. I tried to put my own personal feelings in pony form. Let me know how I did?

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 39 )

This is a pre comment: The title makes me want to cry right off the bat, but we will see how well you did with the feals in this one.:fluttershysad:

Can't even capitalize for your sentences. Downvote~

4020375
You need to realise that this probably wasn't preread for errors as much as other stories are. I always keep that in mind when I read stories and I stop noticing or even just caring about them by the middle of the chapter.
Give it a chance if you havent read it all yet. :pinkiesmile:

4020437 If a person can't take the time to read over their stuff and fix simple errors like capitalization, especially when it's done consistently in the description, then I highly doubt he's taken the time to create a story worth reading.

You should never, ever, post something that hasn't been at least scanned for grade-school level grammatical errors.

Now that I read it, I am wating for the next chapter.
Although, I wish you would have spent more time developing the story, then have Scoots do what she did in a later chapter, (I think it would draw in more people that way.) Other than that, good job! Can't wate for the next chapter.
P.S you should look for a prereader.

i am currently looking for one, actually lol so far i just have my friends :3

well i have my girlfriend who does it, but she's busy with her own novel right now, so I dont really have one xD

4020458
I see your point.
I still liked the story though. The one thing that made me a little upset was the rushed feeling it had...

4020498
Don't you hate it when people dislike all the comments of people who like a story they don't? If they don't like it so much, then why do they hang around the story so long? :duck:

4020501
Of course it's rushed. Judging from the title and description, this is basically the fanfic equivalent of a 70s exploitation film.

4020554
What do you mean by 70's exploitation film? (Only 17 here.)

4020565
Exploitation films are generally seriously rushed with a shoestring budget, made for the sake of profit by exploiting a trend or something outrageous in order to attract attention.

e.g. 70s "slasher" films, such as Friday the 13th

Join the phones master race.

People who type their stories on pussies never have typos.

*phones

Yay, my first downvoted comment!

I somewhat Edited it, and added stuff

ugh y does every one pick scootaloo as the suicide type y not applebloom almost every one hates her. sorry if i make u feel bad for this comment...

THREE MONTHS EARLIER.

"WHEN ALL CAPS WAS IN STYLE..."

"SHUT UP YOU STUPID PEGASUS, YOU'RE JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER!" Mom screamed at me. She was always this way when she was drunk.
"WELL MAYBE IF YOU PUT DOWN THAT FUCKING BOTTLE HE WOULDN'T HAVE LEFT US!" I screamed back at her. I saw a reflection of anger in her purple eyes. I immediatly reggretted what I said.

...Where the fuck did this shit come from?

"Your father left us because of you, you worthless bird. At least he could fly, unlike you." She spat, hatefully. She came towards me, raising her hoof. I slowly backed away and bumped into the door. I slowly reached my hoof behind me, and I opened the door. I heard the hit before I felt it. I looked at her, and said the one thing I've always wanted to say.
"I'm leaving. and by the way, hitting me wont bring him back, bitch." I turned and ran as fast as I could, to the one place I knew I'd be safe. The clubhouse.

Human curse words! Why not!
Stupid fucking bullshit. NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE! IT HAS LESS GROUNDING THAN FUCKING "SQUIDWARD'S SUICIDE!"

I felt the tears run down my face, burning my cheeks. I looked back in the mirror, trying to find a smile, but found none. It was normal for me to lose my smile when I’m alone. The only place I find my smile is around SweetieBelle. She’s so perfect. I would never have a chance with her. Does she even like fillies? Nah, she’s not a filly-fooler.

Sweetie Belle is two words you idiot. Was this whole story just an excuse to promote Scootabuse = ScootaBelle shipping?

I sat on the floor, and thought about SweetieBelle, and why I was still alive. I thought about the friends that I barley even saw, and wondered if they even cared about me. If I died, they would move on, I thought. They have Twist, and Dinky to keep them company. I curled up in my little corner of the clubhouse, or as I recently started to call it, my home.
I wondered what would happen if someone found out that I lived here. Would I have to go back to mom? I cringed at the thought. I never wanted to go back there, as much as she loved me, she always drank, and hit me. It was a punishment for being useless, and I agreed with her, but people started asking why I had bruises all the time. I thought it would be better if I just ended it. Every pony would be happier that way. I took out a piece of paper and found a pen. I started to write.

"And I drew a penis. That'll show 'em to mock me!"
Seriously though, does she not remember every episode she was in? I mean, christ on a pogo stick! This is retarded!

Every pony,
No pony knows me. They know me, but they don’t know the real me. I live here, in the clubhouse. I’ve lived here for about three months. My mom drank and hit me for being useless. I know I am. No pony has cared about me, so I’m choosing to end my life; no pony wants a flightless Pegasus, who can’t ever get anything right. I’ve tried to live, but it feels impossible and I think this is the only way out. Maybe when I jump, I’ll finally be able to fly, and make you guys proud. I’m sorry everypony but I want to finally be able to fly. SweetieBelle, I’m sorry you had to hear it this way, but I love you, you’re perfect.
-Scootaloo

Sweetie Belle is two words you idiot.

I walked out of the clubhouse and felt the early morning dew beneath my hooves. I walked through the soft grass of the Apple Family Orchid, and thought about how I was going to do it. Maybe I can jump off of Ghastly Gorge. I thought. It would be painless, even though I’m scared of heights. Maybe someone will find the note before I jump. I thought, as I kept trotting towards the gorge. Is it really as dangerous as Rainbow says it is?Will anypony even notice that I’m gone? All these questions ran through my head as I crossed the Apple’s property.

Ugh, BLAH BLAH EMO WHINING!

“Hey Scoot, where are y’all goin?” I heard AppleBloom shout at me. I stopped and thought for a second. Why should she care? She’d just try to stop me to watch me suffer. I thought.
“I’m...um...just going for a walk.” I told her, as I kept walking.
"Are y'all still going to meet me an' SweeteiBelle at the clubhouse later?" she asked.
"I think so" I replied, sadly. I knew I was lying, and I felt bad for it. AppleBloom shrugged and continued her chores.
she doesn't even care. I thought, as I passed the schoolhouse. I thought about my grades as i trotted past my second home. I'm a few years older than my friends, but I'm in the same grade as them. It was only because I failed the last three years. Scootaloo why do you have to be such a failure? You can’t even pass elementary school! You useless, flightless bird! I thought. Maybe when I jump I’ll finally fly! I thought with a smile.

You know what? This isn't Scootaloo. This is the combined fantasies that everyone who read this fic is having about the inventor of Scootabuse.

I trotted while thinking of what it's like to die. Not looking where I was going, I ran into somepony.
"owwww." I said, as i realised that I knocked Rainbow Dash over.
OH MY GOD! RAINBOW, ARE YOU OKAY?" I asked, worried that I had hurt her. Scootaloo, you idiot! You should have been paying attention to where you're going! I scolded myself.
I remembered that Dash was supposed to meet us at the clubhouse, to show us her newest trick. I froze when she started to speak,
“Hey kid, shouldn’t you be at the clubhouse with SweetieBelle and AppleBloom?” asked Rainbow Dash. I stopped, scared. I didn’t know how to answer. Do I tell her where I’m going? Or maybe I should lie. Wait... the others are supposed to meet me in the clubhouse today! Ponyfeathers! They probably already read the note, and are going to come and stop me!
“You okay, Scoots?”
“Uh...yeah...gotta go! See you later Dash!” I shouted as I started to run. I turned and looked at her. She looked back at me with a look of confusion, and I shrugged and kept running.

...Fuck it. Skip to the suicide.

“SCOOTALOO! WHAT THE HAY ARE Y’ALL DOIN AT THE EDGE OF THAT GORGE?” AppleJack shouted. I turned around, and saw that she, AppleBloom, SweetieBelle, and Rainbow Dash were all running towards me. I panicked and turned around.
“I’m sorry guys, but I want to fly.” I shouted, as I took my final step and let myself fall.
“SCOOTALOO!” I heard them all scream, as I fell. I closed my eyes and imagined I was flying. I felt what it was like to fly, for the first time in my life. Suddenly, memories of my friends and I started playing in my head. I remembered the camping trip from a week ago, the night Rainbow Dash took me under her wing. I could hear her words echo in my head,
“So, you're looking for somepony to take you under their wing, huh? Yeah, I might be up for something like that.”

MORE BEER, GENTS? WHY THANK YOU, FURRIEND. YES, I WOULD LIKE A PISTOL UNLOADED IN MY FACE.

I kept falling, as memories of my friends and I, laughing, and playing, played through my head. I opened my eyes to see the ground rush up to greet me.
“Goodbye” I whispered with a sigh, as I hit the ground with a thud. I was finally flying. I was free.

And we're free from reading this fic. Thank god for it, too!
This fic is terrible. It is honestly pure, pure crap. None of this is grounded in canon in any way but the names, Scootabuse is just fucking terrible, and it feels like you just used this promote your ship as well.
I give you one out of ten :facehoof: because I can't go lower than that.

Cant wait to see this from Sweetie Belles point of view!

4068929 I give you a -∞ /10 because you don't have to flame up in the comments.

4308204 ...First off: Critiquing, flaming. There's a difference. Critiques sometimes are angry. This one was angry. This, however, was NOT flaming.
Secondly, why in GOD'S name are you reviving a six week old thing? We've moved past this piece of shit excuse for a story. Now, would you kindly move on from here?

4308280
"...piece of shit excuse for a story."

That is flaming. Or just highly insulting. I revisited this after I found it in my old favorites.

4308313 How, pray tell, is it flaming? Am I acting to deliberately antagonise anyone there? No, sir, I am not.

4308313
I wouldn't say stating facts is flaming.

4308335 Well...I guess your right, but you can simply remove all the swearing and it sounds more informational than angry.

4308313
More along the lines of highly insulting. But hey, it's the truth 'aint it?
If I say a dress is hideous when it is hideous am I flaming it? No, I'm stating a fact, that in fact this dress (aka this stupid fanfic) is bad.

4308355 Sometimes I have to agree that there is no nice people on the internet.

4308366 How did you find your way into this wondrous place? Did you follow the yellow brick road?
The yellow bricks are made of overheated cow chips, by the way. They just fell from the sky, like a storm of shit!

4308313
It's only flaming if you say things like that for no reason. If you were to say, "lol this story sucks ass" or something like that, then yes, that's flaming. But as you can see, he gave more than a few reasons for it to be considered technically bad. If the large ratio of downvotes to upvotes didn't already pretty clearly indicate, of course...

If this was in your favourites, I dread to think what other things might lurk within such a place.

(PS: 4308370 Correction: There aren't very many nice people anywhere. It ain't mutually exclusive.)

~Blinkie

4308370
You just figured this out now?
Besides, he was just being honest. Brutally honest

4308348
>censor
>internet

toplelkek

Comment posted by Winter Storm deleted Apr 29th, 2014

Remember to space out the paragraph when a pony is talking. Ex:

"So?" asked AJ.

Fluttershy smiled and held up a butterfly with rainbow colored wings, "Doesn't it remind you of her?" the yellow pegasus explained, tears beginning to flow down her cheeks.

"Oh sugar cube." AJ whispered, pulling her friend into a hug as the butterfly flew away.

I DO see potential.....but it needs some work.
Lots of punctuation was missing, and I saw no spaces in places where there should be spaces (wait...)
But, with a bit more work put into it, I can see that this could be good.
And WHY is it always Scootaloo? I mean, seriously. Come on.

So Scootaloo is a faggot?

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