One day the cmc find out that Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon's cutie marks are fake. So Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon decided to do whatever the cmc want them to do so their secret will be kept. It all goes fine for awhile, but when Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon become to helpful for the cmc to handle, the cmc try and find a way to stop all this.
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For what it's worth, I like some of the references to Twilight Time and the Ponyville Confidential twist. I like the visual appeal of the story.
Keep it up, I'm more interested to see how this ends.
You know, this is not that bad. All you need to do is work on the punctuation of the dialogue and adding in commas and an ellipsis or two. (An ellipsis is three/four dots at the end of a sentince.)
Example
"You know, to break up the dialogue..."
In that last sentince, you need to change the "i", to an "I".
Also, what Telarous said.
I could see this blowing up in their faces way too easily, but still I'm curious as to where you're going with this. I'm going to be keeping an eye on this, it has potential
cute story
XD I love it when Cheerilee does things like that. She even went so far as to actually scribble it in front of them, twice, for each of them.
This was a really nice chapter lol This would make a pretty nice episode, the CMC having something on DT and SS and making them go through stuff. Yeah, it would be a ton of fun.
This is the first sentence. Now, watch it be magically reformed!
(that last edit wasn't necessary, but it would help to earn you more readers)
Notice all of the mistakes? And that's not even going into the dialogue...
You'll still get a favorite from me, but please fix the errors and double-space.
Burned toast, eggs, and bacon; if you have a tapeworm it's too good for it.
Normal was NOT good. Just because now isn't good doesn't mean they should go back to the way things were.
4040117 yeah it could be a cool episode but it really just be spike at your service with the cmc , dt and ss instead
This would make for a good season 5 episode, Hasbro are you reading this
Interesting. I like it. Have a moustache
.
I liked it, despite all of the errors.
You need to capitalize when you type I as a person/ Pony. Don't even get me started on periods and commas......
I wish I could edit this story.
First: there's so many errors that it distracts from the actual story
Second: you need to expand on your writing. It's called "show, don't tell".
Third: what I did get from it was a good set up.
4024933 that is an... Interesting profile pic.
5974008
Thank you!
Watch them get their actual cutie marks, and when they stop doing things, the CMC will try to wash off the cutie marks, only to find them real.
4837770 they aren't allowed to.
Although, they seem to be taking ALL MY IDEAS!!!
that was an interesting concept, but poorly executed, and written entirely out of character.
the only way this premise would be feasible is if we had a bonus scene where Silver Spoon says "Your plan worked like a charm." Diamond is like "Naturally. They'll think twice before blackmailing us again! Who ever thought like, 'killing them with kindness' was so effective a tactic?" "Only you, Diamond Tiara, Only you." Silver Spoon sighs affectionately and blushes.
Diamond smirks "Well even i could never have guessed those idiots would actually give us our marks!" both laugh and end scene with Pinkie saying "T-T-T-THATS ALL EVERYPONY!"