Cutie Mark Crusader Revengers

by Minds Eye

Chapter 4: Victory Through Compromise

Scootaloo fought to keep sleep at bay. The slow, steady rhythm of Apple Bloom’s footsteps was the only sound inside the Carousel Boutique. Sweetie Belle was out and about in Ponyville, hopefully returning with their new accomplice. Scootaloo tightened her grip on the package she held. The package was what the three of them worked all night for. The package was their only hope, and was the result of their grit and determination.

And that stuff Sweetie Belle made for them. Coffee? Yeah, coffee. They needed some of that for the clubhouse.

Apple Bloom stopped pacing. “It’s not gonna work!”

“Why didn’t you say so before?”

“I did say so before. This can go wrong in so many ways...”

“I know.”

Apple Bloom smiled at her. “So if this doesn't work, do Sweetie Belle and I have your permission to kick you out?”

Scootaloo smiled back. “If we ever see the light of day again, yes. You can kick me out.”

“And you’re still going to trust her? She doesn’t have the best reputation at her job.”

Scootaloo chuckled. “We know her weakness, at least. She’ll listen to us.”

There was a thud against the door, and a call of “My bad!” Apple Bloom shook her head and took her position behind a counter. Sweetie Belle opened the door and entered. She was followed by a gray pegasus who smiled and waved at the girls. “Derpy Hooves, at your service!”

Scootaloo dropped her voice to a whisper as Sweetie Belle walked towards her. “Did you tell her what’s going on?”

“I told her what you told me to tell her.”

“Good.” Scootaloo held out the package for the mail mare. "So you know what to do?"

The blond-maned pony managed to roll both of her eyes. "Duh. I take the package, fly around, find the pony on the label, and give it to them. I know how the mail works."

Scootaloo ignored Sweetie Belle's giggles. "We need this done fast. Can you handle it?"

"You know this isn't normally a mail day. Your friend there mentioned something about payment..." Scootaloo nodded to her right.

Apple Bloom put a covered tray on the counter. "One dozen," she said as she lifted the lid.

The mail mare lifted one of the muffins from the tray. She turned it in her hooves, inspecting every crumb. "Brown, but not burned. Not too dry. Ohhhh, these are fresh. And that smell," she took a long sniff before gasping in surprise. "Chocolate chips! You three just hired a mail mare!"

She reached for another muffin, but Apple Bloom slammed the lid down. "After we know the package was delivered safely."

The gray pony looked back to Scootaloo. "This is a long way you're sending me. It'd be a shame if I ran out of energy..."

It wasn't that long of a way, but this was their last chance. "Half now, half when we know the delivery was made. Take it or leave it." The offer was taken, of course. Their package was out of their hooves now, and was carried in a beeline straight out of the Carousel Boutique. Which meant-

"She's going the wrong way," Sweetie Belle said.

"I noticed," Scootaloo sighed.

Apple Bloom moaned in frustration. "Now what?"

"Let’s...give her some time, but we have to go to the library," Scootaloo answered. "Fluttershy, Applejack, some pony will force our hand sooner or later. So let's go do it ourselves. Slowly."

---

Princess Twilight Sparkle couldn't believe what she was hearing. The Cutie Mark Crusaders sat before her, heads hanging in shame, recounting their various misdeeds of the past days. It was a heartfelt confession starting from the moment she slammed the door in their faces. She hadn't even thought of the book incident since that evening. Still, she thought it was best to let the girls get everything off their chests.

"Then we dropped poison joke in your drink. Big Mac talking funny was us too."

"So we tried to scare you with a Sass Squash suit, but we took a wrong turn and scared Fluttershy."

"She, um, caught us and told us we needed to straighten this out. So, here we are."

Twilight was silent for a moment. Three attempted pranks, and the girls tried to use her friends' knowledge of her against her. "All of this...because of me? Girls, I wasn't trying to hurt you. I'm sorry-"

"No," Scootaloo interrupted, "don't. It's all my fault. I made too big a deal about it that night, and it was my idea to start this."

"It's my fault," Apple Bloom insisted. "I didn't think this was a good idea at first, but I went along with it anyway. My friends needed me to talk some sense into them, and I let them down."

"Girls, you know this was my fault. I...wait." Sweetie Belled scratched her head. "What did I do?"

Twilight smiled down at the crusaders. "I haven't even-"

"Oh! I was the one who summoned Madame Pinkie!"

She...summoned...it was probably better not to ask. "Girls, I haven't even thought about that night. I'm so glad you listened to Fluttershy. It's always best to talk with each other before little problems become big ones."

Sweetie Belle nodded. "We've learned not to hold a grudge. It's worthless. The pony you're holding it against probably doesn't even know about it."

"And we've learned not to take advantage of some pony's generosity," Apple Bloom added. "They're trying to do something for you out of the goodness of their heart. You shouldn't hurt them for it."

Scootaloo looked to the ground, rubbing one of her legs with a hoof. "Just because you're a princess and really special now doesn't give us the right to ask special favors from you."

Sweetie Belle looked up with big, sad eyes. "Please don't hate us?"

"Hate you?" Twilight laughed and wrapped the girls in her front legs and wings, holding them close. "I could never hate you! You're welcome here anytime! Watching you three grow up like this is a joy!" Twilight gasped as an idea struck her. She grinned excitedly as she loosened her hug on the crusaders. "Why don't you three write a letter to Princess Celestia? It's been so long since she's read a report on the magic of friendship. She'll be thrilled!"

"BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP!"

Right on cue, Spike belched somewhere in the library. The girls started giggling. Apple Bloom answered Twilight's questioning look. "We've, uh, heard about Spike burping like that, but we've never actually heard it before."

The little dragon ran into the main room, waving a scroll. "Letter from Princess Celestia! Should I read it now?"

"Go ahead, Spike. The girls might need you for a minute afterwards."

Spike straightened the scroll and began to read. "My Dearest Princess Twilight Sparkle, you simply must forgive this...wait, what?"

"Spike, you've never stopped reading before! That is a letter from our teacher, friend, and reigning monarch! Interruptions simply won't do."

The dragon quickly read through the letter. "If you say so." He cleared his throat, and started again. "You simply must forgive this foolish old mare, but like all ponies my age, I find myself thinking back on younger times. I can’t help but recall your earliest days under my wing. To see you now, I am very proud of the princess you have become. It has always been a pleasure of mine to watch my students grow. I hope, dear Twilight, that you will find the same pleasure. Teaching our subjects, be they young or old or great or small, is a privilege that you should take advantage of. You do, after all, live in a library. Don’t be stingy with the books! Yours, Princess Celestia." Spike finished and rolled the scroll back up.

Twilight blinked. "Wait, what?"

"That's what I said."

She looked down at the Cutie Mark Crusaders, who looked as confused as she was. Then 1, 2, 3, they smiled up at her. Scootaloo had an eager glint in her eye. "Can...Can we borrow that book? Please?"

This was uncanny. "Spike, are you sure that's from Princess Celestia?"

"Totally. I've seen more of her letters than you have. This is her writing."

The girls smiled wider. What were the odds? She glanced back to Spike. He pored over letter again and shrugged his shoulders. Teaching is a privilege. If any pony knew that, it was Princess Celestia. The girls...they did learn some valuable lessons. Celestia always rewarded her when she did that. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe she could trust them after all.

Twilight lit her horn and summoned a book. The Cutie Mark Compendium floated down and rested in the air in front of the crusaders. Scootaloo grabbed it, but the purple aura did not disappear. "You promise to take care-"

"Yes! Yes, we promise! Thank you, Twilight!" Twilight lowered her spell, and two of the girls galloped out of the library. Sweetie Belle jumped up and hugged her around the neck before chasing her friends.

"Hey, this is weird."

"Huh? What's weird, Spike?"

"Here, on the back of the scroll. It says 'From the Desk of Princess Celestia.' They only say that on fliers, or mass announcements, or something like that. I've never seen it on a private letter."

Twilight pulled the scroll over and examined it herself. "That is weird..."

---

In the gleaming city of Canterlot, Princess Celestia strolled through the castle halls on her way to her office. The door leading inside opened before she could reach it, and Celestia was surprised by the exit of a certain pony. The pony turned to walk away before Celestia called out. "Sister! Did you need me for something?"

Princess Luna looked back equally surprised. "Oh! Good morning, Tia. No, I was just looking for my favorite quill."

"And you left it in my office?"

"Apparently not," Luna answered with a smile. "I'll check my room again. Have a good day, sister." The Princess of the Night left a confused Celestia in her wake. True to her word, she returned to her room, but she didn't look for a quill.

A package was lying on her bed. A letter signed by young Scootaloo was on her nightstand. The message was quite simple. She explained the situation and offered the contents of the package as a gift. In exchange, all she wanted was a letter sent through little Spike signed by Princess Celestia. And what a gift it was!

Luna threw the crimson cape around her shoulders. The deep red, the bright yellow underneath, the blue patch resembling a cutie mark, it was a beautiful piece. And it fit perfectly! What craftsmanship from three little fillies! Luna turned and admired her reflection in a mirror. Perhaps she would wear it to the next Grand Galloping Gala...

Comments

[RainbowCoolDash Pariah]

Oh oh....

[Malandy]

Is there going to be a sequel?

[SuperPinkBrony12]

And in typical sitcom fashion when Twilight finds out the truth she screams the names of the CMC at the top of her lungs.

[Minds Eye]

3922163 Not anytime soon.

I'm thrilled at the reception this story has gotten, though. Thank you all for reading it.

[Jirodyne]

I... what? Just... what? You're just going to end it there? The conflict is still going, Twilight is about to figure out that something is wrong, and you just... end it? Full stop, no more going forward, everything past this point is denied?

[Minds Eye]

3925612 I kinda saw this story as an episode of the show when I was writting it. A letter to Celestia usually marks the end of an episode, so I just flipped it around with a letter from Celestia.

The crusaders got what they wanted from the start. They got the book Scootaloo found, Twilight got blindsided right in front of them, and they got away with it. Spike was even fooled by the writing, so Twilight wouldn't really know what to think.

I'm having to explain this in a comment though, so...yeah I could have done better in the story.

Thanks for the criticism.

[Jirodyne]

3926228 It's just. As you said, all that happens... and then? That's half the story. They got the book, now what? Twilight and spike find something fishy, now what? It's like.... Lord of the Rings ending when the ring falls into the Lava. It falls in, BAM the end.

It just... doesn't feel like an ending, it feels suddenly cut short.

Edit: To add on, what about Scootaloo being all,

Apple Bloom smiled at her. “So if this doesn't work, do Sweetie Belle and I have your permission to kick you out?”

Scootaloo smiled back. “If we ever see the light of day again, yes. You can kick me out.”

It makes it seem like in the end they would be caught and stuff, but the punishment not being as bad. But then, nothing happens. That whole part could probably be cut out and no one would notice o.O

Also in the description:

A sinister plot is born right outside her door; a plot that will try to turn her closest friends against her. The crusaders will not stop until they have righted the wrong done to them!

They don't turn her closest friends on her, nor even right the wrong she did. The wrong was they got kicked out of the library, not that she wouldn't give them a gift she was giving to her brother and sister-in-law. They were all about getting back at her. Then in the end, they just.... get the book, which she shouldn't even have given up since it was meant for her brother and wasn't a library book!, technically already 'checked out' even if it was.

It just... seems so unfinished o,O

[CHeighlund]

Not sure exactly what you were going for, but I'm afraid in my case you didn't hit it.

You've got this labeled as a comedy, and yes, it was amusing. I think, however, that you've got a very different view of what's happening than the story itself does.

The CMC are the protagonists. They are not, however, the heroes of the tale - from their initial appearance on, they serve as, if not 'Villain Protagonists', at least 'Annoyance Protagonists'. The other chapters seem to recognize this; the humor is from the various methods in which the trio try, and fail, to achieve their goal. In this chapter, that... didn't happen.

The story seems to be going into a true resolution, with the Crusaders having learned their lesson, only to have it fall apart. There's no reason to believe they really meant any of their confession/apology; it's simply a convenient way for them to be present when their last plan comes to fruition. In the end, one (the one writing this comment, at least) is left feeling as though the wrong side (not only the incorrect one, but the 'wrong' one - those who have been in the wrong since the beginning) has been victorious.

And as Jirodyne pointed out, that book isn't library property. It's not even Twilight's personal property. Given the reason Twilight said she obtained it originally (back in chapter one), it's the personal property (intended) of Shining Armor, Princess Cadance, and their future foal(s). Twilight doesn't have the right to lend it out; her only claim on it is as a caretaker for it until it's passed to its rightful owners. By allowing the Crusaders to take it, Twilight is basically saying the (fallacious) claim the Crusaders have on the book is stronger than the claim its rightful owners have. In effect, she's agreeing with a claim that can best be summed up as: "They don't deserve to it - because we want it!"

I'm sorry, but the nature of the last chapter basically breaks what was being done before. I'm not sure a sequel, or even an extra chapter, could improve it, either - the false resolution in the final chapter kind of breaks the chance of producing a true resolution.

[Minds Eye]

Did anyone like the ending?

[Minds Eye]

4433132
One of my earlier stories. I'm curious to see how it holds up. I'd love to hear your thoughts on the ending.

[TheGreatEater]

4433188

Jirodyne's and CHeighlund's comments fit my opinion somewhat perfectly. As far as arcs go, then yes the current arc is finished, but as far as a story goes it's unfinished. We are left with Twilight and Spike noticing something is wrong; the crusader's conning private property [which technically it not being a library book, but a book she bought with her own money for her family] from Twilight; Twilight's friends didn't turn against her, rather they stood up for her [even Pinkie Pie's help was technically unhelpful]; And we are left with a new ball of plot threads to pick up on.

The first three chapters were rather good, this one as far as endings go was flat. It has potential to keep going, and it has potential to be a funny fic [and there were funny / cute parts throughout this fic] but we are left with a Luna sub-arc; a discovery / punishment / payback sub-arc [or two or even all of those for a sub-arc]; a Crusader's Revengers arc / sub-arc [where we see them celebrate a successful con, and what happens now they have the book]; and we have the reaction sub-arc where we see what happens when this all comes to light. That's just off the top of my head and many of those could be part of a singular story arc. Or an arc that threads through multiple arcs.

But with the fake apology, and their moral learned that if someone wrongs you, you use what they care about against them to get what you wanted [even if it isn't theirs to give]. Was rather disappointing, especially since they didn't get comeuppance [in a matter of speaking] to learn their lesson about lying / poisoning family members/ revenge pranking / deceiving a friend [which with Twilight Time she technically is].

The story isn't bad. Just unfinished and needing a polish / extension to make it complete.

[Minds Eye]

4433843

Alright, I asked for it, and you gave it to me.

I think you missed a few points. As for Twilight's friends not turning on her:

a plot that will try to turn her closest friends against her

Like so many things they've done, the CMC tried and failed.

The conning private property argument also bothers me.

"Can...Can we borrow that book? Please?"

Borrow. Not have. Friends borrow things all the time, and as long as they brought it back in good order, who would be the wiser? Who would care? What would they do with the book? They would read it and return it.

I even forshadowed the ending in Chapter 1. The story with the dragon was supposed to be a metaphor. The three girls faced down a foe more powerful than them and came at it in a way it didn't expect. They bribed one princess to pose as a second princess to fool a third princess. I thought that was a bold move for three schoolgirls. And for once, something they did worked!

I do appreciate the read, and it probably wasn't fair to drop this on you. It just never ceased to amaze me that my simple comedy story brought me my harshest criticism. It wasn't Slice of Life for the CMC to learn a lesson. It was Comedy for a happy ending.

[TheGreatEater]

4434011

You're welcome, as for the two points. The CMC aren't her closest friends, but I guess in a way they are her friends. And it wasn't a plot to turn her closest friends against her, rather it was a group of friends getting what they wanted from her.

As for the second one. Yes they asked, while using a dirty psychological trick using Twilight's love and admiration for Tia to get what they wanted. Thus a con-job. As for borrowing a book, originally and for good reason Twilight said no because she bought it for her brother's children. As well as the fact that A) They wrecked her library like a tornado, B) are well known for getting themselves and anything near them at times covered in a variety of substances [thus would ruin the book and lessen it's overall value / condition], and more importantly C) was something special that she paid for, for her family. It'd be like saying that if you bought a brand new book for your favorite family member. And a rather accidentally destructive friend wanted to borrow it. Most people would not do so because it is for someone important to them and said friend would more than likely accidentally get it stained / dinged up / page rips / ect.

So in a big way they did con Twilight. Since not only did they use the please + borrow ploy [which she was hesitant on and near saying no] as well as using her love for Tia to sway Twilight to their way of thinking [aka, getting the book].

Now I do know that it was a comedy fic, and in a way it carried through with that. But the ending as it were, was all in all had left more loose ends then it finished and had a lack of resolution.

But until this chapter it was a good fic, and personally if it was to be a few chapters longer, it would've been much better. I'm still going to give it an upvote though.

[HalflingPony]

4197394 I liked the final scene with Luna and thought it was a funny image to end it on, but for reasons that have already been stated quite well by the other commenters I didn't feel it really served as a good resolution to the story. It was funny, but not funny enough to overcome my anger at the CMC being rewarded for their bratty selfishness.