It has been quite an adventure for the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Even after earning their cutie marks and leaving to live the rest of their lives, they always knew they would have an inseparable bond as Crusaders and as friends. But all good things must come to an end, and on this night, seven years later on the day it was formed, they finally decided to put the CMC to rest. But fate has a different plan, and the title of Cutie Mark Crusader may just pass from one generation, to the next.
Chapters (1)
Debated on whether or not to finish it before publishing, decided to publish it anyway. Second half should be done by this weekend.
Please give me feedback on this one, I'm planning on making this my first ever submission to EQD
Thanks to all that took interest in this, and I hope you enjoyed
keep up the good work.
If you are submitting to EQD, remember that her name is "Apple Bloom," not Applebloom.
I think this is pretty good, though you have a bit too much straight narration, instead of telling the story through your characters. It also seems a bit sad that Apple Bloom has nothing more to show for herself than a craft stall whereas Sweetie Belle is a renowned singer and Scootaloo is a Wonderbolt. If the CMC are the same age as the Mane 6 are on the show, should they really have already achieved such outrageous successes? On the show RD is weather manager of Ponyville and Rarity is a rising star in the fashion world, but they still have not attained their highest goals. I also think this might work better if you picked one of the trios through which to tell the story exclusively, rather than doing it in parallel. Specifically, I think you could tell the Seed Cake Three's story through the eyes of the Crusaders.
Again, good start!
This is a good story. I'd post something more elaborately typed out and carefully describe why I love the story so much, but I'm too high right now.
Looks intresting, tracking so I can read later.
Yeo read it later. Have more then 1000 chapters to read.
Looks good. Tracking. Will read when I have time.
EDIT: Had time. Was amazing.
Changes perspective too often.
Also, I get a little uncomfortable when the male is the leader, if only because it seems like that's usually fairly well avoided in-canon. Also a little disappointed at the Cakes' characterization, and that all three Crusaders were HUGELY successful.
My 24 hour wait is up, time answer/discuss what has been said to me (what little there was of it).
First off, I do want to say that 374857 has a point, I do tend to narrate when I really wanted the characters to take over. Although I can't do away with straight narration completely there are places I can change to allow the characters to tell the story instead of me.
To both 374857 and 378280 regarding the success of the CMC, and this is in my defense, age should not have anything to do with how successful you are. Scootaloo being a Wonderbolt is not going to change in the slightest, because she was following in RD's footsteps. If anything, I could dim down Sweetie Belle's success a bit, maybe place her at the very beginning of rising stardom instead of catapulting her to a superstar right away.
And finally, to 378280 regarding the changes in perspective. I did it intentionally. If I only told the story through the perspective of one trio, the two groups meeting (in the next part) will have seemingly come from nowhere. Once they meet there will be no more sudden shifts in perspective. As far as me characterizing the three foals in the story, I don't want to give each of them a lengthy exposition, since I wanted the main focus of the story to be the CMC, but expect them to have a bit more personality in the upcoming chapter.
will there be an update soon to this??
467987
Hopefully, I'm about to turn in the last of my term papers soon, which will give me my free time back (thank god)
I Absolutely love the premise. This needs a new chapter, STAT!
1095443
While I appreciate the praise (and trust me, I do. Really, I don't get much on here), I can't really promise when a new chapter will be published. I kinda sorta maaaaaybe don't really know how to wrap this up.
1095745
The junior crusaders try to scare them, they fail. Conflict. they explain what's going on. dance party. the end.
That wasn't so hard, now was it?
1095760
You make it sound so easy.
But rest assured this isn't dead, just...hibernating. I'm in the process of writing Changin' Hooves at the moment, but will probably come back to this towards the end of that project.
CUTIE MARK CRUSADER BLATANT SELF PROMOTERS YAY!
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Making things sound easy is my special talent. That and being insane while having the imagination of the gods. What can I say? I'm an entertainer.
What a story please write the next chapter when you get a chance. I want to know what happens next ASAP.
Four years' worth of posts, and we still don't have a second chapter? What up?