Half the time I don't even know how I do what I seem to do so well. I try not to think too hard on it, for fear of breaking myself in the process.
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Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle have grown tired of being the target of bullying by Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. Their sisters can't help them and Cherilee can do very little for matters beyond the school grounds. They come to the conclusion that if there's to be any hope of this pattern coming to an end they've got to take matters into their own hooves and explore previously unconsidered options even if the results might be messy.
Rated for some instances of violence.
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I could totally see this being an episode! You did a great job! :)
I've always liked Silver Spoon and the CMCs but give actually managed to make me like Diamond Tiara with this one, masterfully done!
Mutual enemies make strange friends.
Why is it when I see Frankford, I think
Chris Horsen: "Why don't you take a seat right over there?"
Sometimes being showing 'em kindness really is the best way to defeat your enemies
Nice story! I hate Diamond Tiara slightly less now....slightly
2473266 this.. I won'tlie I thought dt was gonna get beat up.
2474811
I believe you mean "hoped" not "thought"
Twas a nice read. Good job
To be honest, this has only made my disdain for Diamond Tiara intensify.
I mean, don't misinterpret my words. The story was excellently written and entertained me a whole deal more than most CMC stories, yet I couldn't help but receive a certain sociopathic vibe from both her and Silver Spoon. As if the only thing that mattered was climbing up a social ladder of sorts, and that seemed to rub off onto Apple Bloom. Rather sickening.
That and it's pretty clear the two are goal-oriented, obnoxious little brats, with rather distorted and skewed notions of a moral compass... At least in this fanfiction.
Nevertheless, I commend you for this piece. Flowed fluently, with quite a smooth, thought-provoking outcome. Nicely made!
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Well just when I thought Diamond Tiara might not be a total bitch, she had to convince me again.
As for the chapter, it was great
Good chapter. Ive never really liked Diamond Tiara as a character just cause I was always bullied when I was in school.
My way of dealing with bullies is more along the lines of beat the shit out of them then deal with the consequences.
The exact specifics of the relationship between the CMC and the unnamed Diamond Tiara + Silver Spoon alliance is one of the show's greatest mysteries. Is it strictly hostile for the most part? Are there extenuating circumstances? Is there an off season? Is it mutual? Is it even significant? We do not know of any definite answer to any of these questions, so all we can do is make educated guesses until they are finally and inevitably revealed.
Your story presents the theory that the CMC don't really care for the DT+SS presence but aren't actually afraid of them. Meanwhile DT+SS view the CMC as trivial nobodies, only paying them mind when they do something notable. It's a believable setup, and it works for the story you are trying to tell. The CMC do not want the hassle anymore, so they try to befriend them. It doesn't go exactly as they plan, but ultimately it seems more good comes than bad. It really is about what you'd expect from an actual episode.
I actually think it's funny that the majority of people tend to give Diamond and Silver the jewelry-making/silversmithing talents. It makes sense since that's probably the first thing that comes to mind when you think of tiaras and spoons as talents. I've always just thought those talents were ill-suited to them. Both seem a bit too laborious for either of them to voluntarily perform them on a regular basis. Still, good work picking something that makes sense..
Frankford is our story's turning point. After a bit of "enemy of my enemy", we get a nice, dramatic save by Filthy Rich resulting in Frankford's banishment. I wasn't aware Filthy Rich had that sort of power, but I suppose that's money for you. It's a shame Frankford didn't have anything to offer the story other than being rude and getting cupcakes shoved in his face, but I suppose he served his role and didn't overstay his welcome.
The resolution to the story was where I started questioning a few things. The contract was an interesting idea. I just felt it was a bit cold. The formality involved in the creation of the contract made me more willing to believe I was reading about robotic clones of the CMC, DT, and SS rather than the originals. Also, I'm having difficulty understanding why DT+SS were so concerned about being seen speaking openly to the CMC if they were fine with doing it the day before. And in the same vein, why would they worry about keeping their image up at school and special social events if the contract was in full effect in the general public? Wouldn't that be where the larger part of their image would be seen? Then, there's this quote:
Is Apple Bloom saying that DT+SS don't have families? They both mentioned their family members the day before, and Apple Bloom saw Filthy Rich herself, so that can't be it. I suppose she could be saying that their families aren't there for them like hers are, but that would be a horribly insensitive thing to say. It's the equivalent to saying "we have more people that love us than them." This was essentially Apple Bloom's victory quote from the CMC point of view, and it really came across as confusing and mean-spirited.
This story was an interesting take on the DT+SS/CMC rivalry/friendship/contract-obligated coalition. It might be a bit overly formal at times, and Frankford could have been fleshed out a bit more, but everyone else is in character, and there weren't many technical errors aside from a few word usage problems here and there. I'd call this story a banana popsicle with a red center. It's a bit cold, but it's got some good flavor and its own special color scheme.
Make the most!
>>MagerBlutooth
Wow! That's a very in depth review of my work and I thank you for taking the time to put it all down in writing.
One thing I dislike about MLP:FIM is how fast paced everything seems to go at times. In a lot of episodes there's not a gradual evolution from one standard to another with regard to story lines. That's something I try and do in my own works, slow things down and let them gradually build and shift in a more believable approach. Somethings kindness causes an instant change, sometimes it's just the first step. That's why the sequel is titled "The Long Road" because there's going to be a lot of stuff happening before the end ever occurs.
Things might be cold now but that doesn't mean it'll be that way forever. That doesn't even mean that's how things really are. There are always sequel hooks and hints that get dropped for the observant to pick up on.
As to Apple Bloom's words that's a very good catch. In hindsight that sounds a lot meaner than I'd intended and I plan on changing it to something more appropriate for her.
I'd like to publicly applaud you for the character arcs in this story: I've seen a lot of fan work in this and other fandoms that tries to redeem a villain entirely. Your story, however, only improves the characters rather than changing them all at once, and does so in a believable way.
I very much enjoyed it. I'm sorry it isn't getting the traffic it deserves.
¿Also, did you mean burro?
A little disappoint at how DT and SS are viewing this arrangement. But there is hope for them yet.
I doubt the CMC will be dumb enough to be their slaves just on the off chance of getting a cutiemark. Besides who wants a mark for completing their most likely degrading tasks?
3490505
The Long Road was intended to be a sequel, showing how things have progressed since the arrangement, and better flesh out the story of Frankford and what his relation is to everything.
Unfortunately A Hollow in Equestria became a runaway success, the likes of which I never anticipated. Sadly this has resulted in everything else being put on hold.
3490612
Oh bummer. Snce it's a sequel and not a chapter I wont get any indication of an update. I hope I catch it.
3490612
Oh and I really loved the insights Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara provided in how wrong the CMC are going about getting their marks.
They may have been brutally honest but it was the truth and the CMC needed to hear it.
Some of the things they brought up I have considered and some were new for the pondering. But every word was right on!
Just like taking an interest in Diamond's tiara I bet Silver Spoon would respond favorably to being asked to see some of her silver smith projects.