The Out Casts

by Steel Claw

Chapter 6 Changes

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Changes

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"Ow!" I yelled as I woke up,

"Man is that you?" I heard Dusk ask,

"Ya it's me! I feel like I just got hit with a tank or something!"

"Military lingo." Paul commented,

"Steven you look different!" They both said together,

"What do you mean?" I asked,

"You look like Paul." Dusk replied, "And you!"

"The spell worked!" Then I stood up on my hind legs (I'm by-peddle fuck ya!) then I noised the big shags of skin on my back "Are these wings?!" I asked,

"It worked! And yes those are wings, remember you are 4 tears older than Paul. So in 4 years Paul will have wings!"

"Hell ya!" Paul yelled as he was jumping for joy!

"Guys let's go to ponyvill for the Summer Sun Celebration!" I yelled

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I got to use my wings, in that I almost died twice. After I fell the the third time, I hit a tree and Paul fell off my back fad hit a other tree. After we hit I herd a *CRACK* and the two trees fell down.

After we recovered Dusk landed on the ground next to us with a pare of wings! Then there was a flash of green and Dush was back to normal. After I saw that I slapped him and he turned into a CHANGELING!

"Who do you think you are!" I yelled after he got up,

"Dusk!"

"No, your a dam changeling!"

"Okay let me explan..."

---

"So you and Dusk are the same person, think whatever!"

"Ya, that's right!"

"So,I don't care",I replyed, "What's that!"

Comments

[Arxsys]

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[Speven Dillberg]

There are no words to describe your abuse of the English language. What you are doing makes genocide look like playground bullying.

[593322]

3846611
If this is a 3/10, then whats a 1/10?!

[Death2205]

4031736 he's a different language he stated that a couple chapters ago so get off his fucking case

[Mr Pones]

4031794
An editor or a simple spellchecking program which takes little effort to acquire and/ or use, depending on which is chosen, would probably wipe out most if not all the errors in spelling that this story has. Spelling errors would be terribly easy to remedy. Other errors that may be present, whatever they are, would take some time to fix.

[Steel Claw]

4031794
I'm amarican!!

[NoLongerSober]

The spelling IS atrocious as everybody has stated, but it isn't the biggest problem in my opinion. Your sentence structure...well the structure of pretty much everything written is a mess, in addition to improper use of...well pretty much everything. This desperately needs an editor/entire rewrite.

Aside from the title on the first chapter [Jugement] being misspelled, there are just innumerable problems with this fanfic as a collective whole. You should really invest in an editor...I'm going to try and trudge through the rest of this fic...maybe it can be salvaged with a good editor.

~Ariin

EDIT:

I...jesus christ, I thought maybe a good editor of a good rewrite would make this tolerable or perhaps fix it...like...whether you intended it for comedy or not, this is trash. The pacing is...is it even right to call it pacing? Aside from the grammatical problems...just...gods I can't even bring myself to criticize properly. This story desperately needs an entire rewrite. It could be an interesting story if somebody with decent storytelling capabilities were to rewrite it...but...gods I need to go lie down, I think my brain is hemorrhaging.

denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw10622_medium.jpg

[damnaion]

hummmm

[lonely colt]

Dude, what the actual fuck. What?!

[Base-Delta-Zero]

img.memecdn.com/grammar-nazis-start-crying-when-they-see-your-posts_o_334445.gif

[Articuno]

thAt gRammar tHo
adn aslo teh spleilng si os abd taht I dno't eevn konw waht aer yuo tlaknig abuot.
See what I did there?

[Mobile SAM]

huh....moving on.

[EyeCancer]

I like it, pure eye cancer with a side of plot holes and a tall glass of poor grammar. I really enjoy your cooking.
That said, I'm not touching this story, just the short description was bad enough for me thank you.