• Member Since 5th Jan, 2014
  • offline last seen Aug 21st, 2017


Mike Lima Papa

Comments ( 12 )

I see you beat me here BlackHawk. Good job, and quite looking forward to seeing more. Give me a heads up if you want me to be an editor.

Thanks Day. I actually have a different job I'd like you to preform.

Way too fast and you need spaces between paragraphs

3834332 Thanks for your feedback!

Hi! Just thought I needed to make a comment as one of your editors.

One thing I noticed and thought I should let you know is the separation of dialogue from the sentence. The speaker 'identification' at the beginning and end of a quote are still part of a sentence, so they would be separated by a coma, or colon (unless it ends in a exclamation point or question mark)--and would not be capitalized. so...

[“Quick told me.” She said] would be: "Quick told me," she said." and would be the same as the opposite: Svhe said: "Quick told me."

It's hardly a huge oversight, but there's a whole colony of asses out there who get constipated over it. :pinkiesick: i.imgur.com/JHfEvcX.jpg

has anyone seen Staff Sergeant Thunder Wing?” He spoke loudly to all of the stallions in the club.
“Fuck!” :yay: I called out

I can so see you doing that. Something tells me it won't turn out as well though.

Talk about a flank spank…

...Oh lordy...:facehoof:

my hypocrisy knows no bounds.


After grabbing my food, I walked over and took a seat across from the two. Without a word I began shoveling the food I was too happy to complain about into my mouth.

I'm confused by this one.

I have to say, apart from a few formatting things I would have done different, I really like this story. You could sum up a few of your split-up paragraphs which are just narration to larger ones which - in my personal opinion - look a bit better than many small paragraphs, but as I said: just a personal preference.

Keep up the good work.

4948009 Thank you, I appreciate all the feedback I can get to make the story more enjoyable!:scootangel:

I just want to apologize to all my viewers. I have a lot of work going on with school, specifically a creative writing class. We can't use fanfiction for any of our work or I'd be working on this in school. I'm doing my best to squeeze in time for this story, and hopefully i'll be able to get some work done this weekend. :applejackconfused:

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