Nightmare Celestia

by nightmare rainbow

Sunshine Doom

Rays of light came from the sun and wrapped around celestia. The lights changed a variety of colors until it changed dark pink. The orb burst, and standing front hooves in the air, a dark pink pony with wild mane, and gold armor stood laughing as her eyes turned into slits, and her teeth sharpening into fangs. Frightened ponies ran every were. Her wild mane grew and blocked all of the exits.
"Where is everypony going? don't you want to stay to watch the death of princess luna, and the moon?" she laughed and shot a magic beam at the crowd. Luna stepped forward.
"Celestia set the sun, it is your royal duty! and this is my celebration!" She Said. The armored pony looked angry with luna, then she said
"There is no 'Celestia' I am.......SUNSHINE DOOM and I have one royal duty now............Dispose of you!" she shot a another magic beam at luna, but missed. Luna flew straight up out of the castle.
"And where do you think your going dear sister?!" Sunshine doom followed shooting magic out of her horn, but luna kept dogging. To my horror I seen it, luna had been struck and was now falling.
"Luna!" I called running to her side. She lay motionless on the floor. "Oh no...I...I am to late! sunshine doom laughed evilly
"Yes you are and now because of you Equestria is mine!" I could not move all I could do was cry.The tears rolled down my cheeks, until I felt a hoof on my shoulder. To my surprise I seen luna starting to get up.
"You have given me no choice " she said flying to the Tree Of Harmony and grabbing the elements. Sunshine Doom Laughed again
" Oh luna, you look like a big girl using the elements! " With out warning she shot out magic and so did luna. The elements were strong and just as luna was about to win, the elements magic went back and shot luna. She was flung and hit the wall.
"Luna! " before I knew what I was doing I shot a magic beam that struck Sunshine Doom. She was flung back on a petastol of a statue that had previously been distrioyed.
"That hurt!" She said gravely. I grabbed the elements from injured luna.
" Not as muck as this is going to hurt!" I said running at her as rainbows came from the star element. I felt a surge of power and felt myself being lifted of the ground. Rainbows came from all elements and shot up in the air with a twirl shot her. She muttered a sharp squeal as her tail and hind hooves hardened to stone.
" I will return and when I do Equestria will be mine!" She said hardening to stone a evil expression on her face.

" Good bye dear tia....." Luna said. celestia is gone until the RETURN OF SUNSHINE DOOM.

Comments

[nightmare rainbow]

I am new here, and this is a story that I seen in a dream, so I want to share it with the world of other my little pony fans. so Im sorry if I spelled anything wrong, oh yeah NO BAD COMMENTS PLEASE!

[Hack Writings]

This was terrible. There are too many grammatical errors to count. The story switches character perspectives at random. Things happen so fast that the characters are given hardly any development. Celestia being angry because she doesn't have fans sounds like something out of a comedy story than a dark one and the prose was barely comprehensible.

[Prak]

3925499
You didn't read it as a comedy? There's your problem!

[AppleBandit]

3925409
You're not going to last very long here. We tend to get a bit critical of things we don't like. We don't do it to be mean though. Until you start deleting comments. Then we get down right ghastly.

[Reeve]

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[Lord-Commander]

Whatever you do, don't get discouraged over this, but learn from it. Posting your creativity on the internet for people to see takes some guts. Work to improve your writing skills and your knowledge of story development. Strive to be a better writer and have the ability to fashion your imagination into a piece of reality you can share with others.

[nightmare rainbow]

dear pony x and apple bandit , I under stand where your coming from I can be funny at points, but as said in my bio, I can also be sassy And sweet and a little dark. Writing may not be may calling, but its one of my many artistic talents and sorta my pashion I am "a young mare" and still learning this experience has helped me and I shall learn from it thanks for your advice

[Fryguy]

What's going on over here?! Have people made mean comments without realizing it?! Sometime people take these comments really hard! It still may be effecting Nightmare Rainbow, maybe that's why she/he's been gone for more than two weeks! Can we get along here?!

[Fryguy]

3925499

Listen, maybe Nightmare Rainbow likes writing, but you probably discouraged him/her by telling her that her first story was terrible, yes I know it may have lots of grammar errors, but in time, Nightmare Rainbow will get better. But even though Nightmare Rainbow even said no bad comments, you post one, that is being mean there.

[Fryguy]

3925814

Umm, what if Nightmare Rainbow thought that your comment was a mean one, you may have hurt her feelings, just saying that.

[Fryguy]

3928202

I like what you said, you wanted Nightmare Rainbow to not feel bad about the comments posted by Hack Writings and AppleBandit, maybe even Pony X, if I had the name wrong, tell me, but you were being a good friend to Nightmare Rainbow, I'm happy about that!

[Fryguy]

If I hurt someone's feelings, I'm sorry if I did, but being mean isn't the way to make people better and encourage them to continue on to do what they want to do, that's the point I'm trying to get out.

I hope this argument about this story is settled, or something, oh COME ON! WHY DO I KEEP FORGETTING STUFF?! But anyways, please be nicer, even f you didn't mean it, be careful about what comments you post, think if it will offend them or not?

Now that my rage about this is done, let's be angels!

[Fryguy]

3925713

What problem?

[Hack Writings]

4092306
If Nightmare Rainbow wants to write, no one will stop her. But nothing will stop people expressing their opinions. I strongly believe in the free flow of information and opinion. My comment is my honest opinion of the work in question. AppleBandit is right, there are no mean intentions.

For the record, my name was Pony X but I changed it.

[Fryguy]

4092499

I'm sorry, it's just that Nightmare Rainbow was gone for two weeks, and words can hurt people, I just wanted to back Nightmare Rainbow up, after all, I am her only follower.

[Lord-Commander]

4092335

I do want to point out that while I am encouraging of Nightmare Rainbow to continue with her work and learn how to be better, I don't disregard the council and advise offered in the other posts.

Criticism happens, and it is a evaluation of how well we are doing. I find those who are least kind enough to explain what they didn't like about my stories or point out things that I need to work on to be the people that care about me the most. Because they see my faults, point them out to me, and often give me advise on how to be a better writer. Even in the harshest reviews, there is a grain of truth we can take to better ourselves.

There is a lot of work that needs to be done to make this into a good story. Hack Writings pointed a lot of them out. There needs to be correct grammar, perspectives need to stay constant, and the plot idea needs to make sense.

The key is not to let criticisms drag you down and to embrace them. To learn from them and become a better person. That's what I hope Nightmare Rainbow took from my post.

[FaeWyvern]

I look forward to reading this when I'm in an 'Evil Celestia' mood , but please continue writing it because there's nothing harder for me to deal with than getting hooked on a story only to find out it's not finished...

I hope you live happily and not get discouraged by people's opinions on your work, because that's all they are. Opinions. Accepting others' thoughts may help you to get better at writing(I say writing but I really mean anything you enjoy doing), and I find that spellchecker.net comes in useful when I need to proof-read my work (not trying to hint anything mean or offensive, just sharing some advice )