In the midst of the Summer Sun Celebration, a pegasus pony by the name of Wildfire is sent to Ponyville by Celestia herself, tasked with the assignment of making new friends; a task that Twilight would help him with.
Everyone is more than happy to invite Wildfire to Ponyville with open arms, everyone except Rainbow Dash, who has bad first impressions of the young stallion. How far will their disagreement go, and how will her friends react when it goes too far?
Based on a post season 2--pre season 3 setting.
Chapters (23)
“Yeah…” Wildfire nodded. “That was me. Am I in trouble for it or something?”
“Not by me.” said Twilight. “Not by anypony, really. But Rainbow was pretty upset by it.”
“I should apologize then…?” said Wildfire.
“That’d be a great idea!” said Twilight. “In fact, maybe you can try making it up to her by helping with weather patrol today.”
Apologize for WHAT? Being better than her at something?
Sorry. The grammar is good so far, but this story makes Rainbow seem very jerkish.
3815059 Is that a bad thing? 'Cause that was my intent. Tell me what you think.
3815421 Well, yeah, it is a bad thing. That's why it feels so weird for Twilight to be suggesting it. She should probably be smarter than that.
“Why?” asked Twilight, turning back to Wildfire.
“Because I don’t know the course?” said Wildfire, closing the book.
“No. Why do you have to prove yourself better than she is?”
Wildfire didn’t know what to say at first, searching his words as he tried to come up with an answer for her. “Because, she wanted a race—a fair race. She’ll get one.”
They all looked at Wildfire, worried for his own wellbeing. They watched him head for the front door, preparing to fly over to Ghastly Gorge to start his practice.
“That… and she’s just plain annoying…” added Wildfire, earning an immediate frown from Spike who was fed up with the hate.
He has a point. Rainbow Dash is the only one instigating anything here.
Twilight. CALL PRINCESS CELESTIA. This is getting out of control! Your friend is harassing someone! Don't just stare disapprovingly at her!
Oh, so that's why Twilight didn't call Celestia: because Celestia never tries to uphold the law or anything.
I'm sorry, but Rainbow is really unlikable in this. She just comes off as a jerk who's too stubborn and thickheaded to see the writing on the wall. In all honesty, if she gets hurt in this race, it's her own fault. I mean, she's even resorted to physical violence.
Unfortunately, this also makes Rainbow's friends look bad, too. They're just scolding her for all of the pain and trouble she's causing rather than actually trying to take any actions against this. And Rainbow just ignores them or yells at them.
Element of Loyalty, ladies and gents.
I'm not trying to persecute you at all, please understand me, but I do think that this story needs some work. Rainbow is incredibly OOC, the Mane Six are next to useless, and the OC character feels a little Gary Stuish at times. Sorry.
3819974 Nope. That's why I want your input. I know not everyone is made to write, and that's why I'm posting this; to find out if I'm just wasting my time or not. Seems I am. I will finish this part at least, then see how I feel about continuing.
Thanks for the honesty.
3820144 I wouldn't say you're wasting your time, exactly. Fanfiction is a great hobby and really helps develop writing skills. I just think this story needs some fine tuning. You have the entirety of the story to fix the problems I mentioned. Aside from that, if you don't think that they're problems then it doesn't matter what I think.
3820165 I suppose it can be fun. But I've really been working on this for a while and feel stuck in it; unable to do anything or go anywhere else. But, I won't stand on my soap box for too long.
If I feel up to working on the next part, I'll see what I can do about all that. And, believe me, this version of the story is very whittled down from the Gary Stew-ness that it used to be lol. But yeah. Regardless, thanks for reading.