I'm no Dj, I'm just a lonely writer looking for hope.
[Story for a friend]
Luke is done failing at his own device, and wishes for a different life. Luckily Celestia already had plans for him, and she his happy to oblige to his wish. Now Luke is in Equestria, and Twilight is feeling just as confused as Luke is. Together they start to change each other's lives.
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While I feel this has a great deal of potential it seems to be flowing very fast.
Something that confuses me is, is he a Witch because he has two souls or is he a Witch that just so happens to have two souls?
When his mother describes he's past life's actions of killing he's brothers and sisters she seems very... nonchalant about it, which comes across as very troubling.
The hug he gave Celestia seemed out of place after being upset with her. He's told he might have a shot at having a pet dragon and thus a hug for someone who is being quite short with him (Along with a bitchy Luna) is there reward?
I do enjoy the idea this fic is putting across and hope it does well. I will be keeping my eye on this.
3790255 I agree, I think it is, so going to slow it down a bit. As for any of your questions, they'll be answered throughout the story! Thanks for reading!
Hmmm is this a fic where some characters are OOC? I felt the flow of this chapter was jarred when Twilight cussed in front of Spike. It just comes across as weird when that happens and isn't stated beforehand.
Also Celestia being scared when he let not-so-fun guy out also came off as odd. I get he's powerful which does warrant being nervous but showing it in such a manner such a stuttering while Asking something not to kill your subjects, just once again comes off odd for an individual such as Celestia. I figure if they can train the guy they could at least go toe to hoof with him.
When Twilight was talking about a new visitor to Equestria I think she could have worded it better than-
Some thing like that seems like it would start a small panic, maybe "Our guest has had a troubled past and needs are help to become a great pony just like us -followed by the last of your sentence- so treat him with the same kindness you would show to the ponies you love."
One last criticism is after Twilight ask's who could lodge the guy for sometime none raise there hooves but when they find out he's a prince they suddenly aren't as apprehensive. Wow talk about shallow Ponyville.
Now not all of it was bad, it definitely flowed much better this chapter, and Luke's interaction with the princesses felt better and there seemed to be more detail just all around making the whole chapter feel much better.
I don't call myself a master critic but I do hope some of this helps. Keep up the good work/improvement.
I suppose your right...but if you've read the chapter better, and looked for WHY Celestia and Luna are afraid of him.
Luna said something about Kyle's aura dark, and suffocating. So being smothered under Kyle's aura it caused a bit of fear when he was only a few feet away from both princesses. Luke, and Kyle are like Yin, and Yang if you want to think of it that way. That's why they don't show fear around him while he's Luke, and not Kyle ,but did you get what's going on yet? Ssshhhhhhh it's a secret.
Well that's definitely One way to end a chapter... and for one to be thanked
Interesting plot
Phoenix Wright reference anyone ?
3909510 You wish don't you =D
This confuses me. Is Twilight his past love reborn?
3923531
I don't know, is she?
And any further comments?
3910626 Oh you...