Edit Keith Spawn Born with strange powers he use to escape his world because at birth he was kept away from all life not even knowing his home world's name, but through trail and error will he be able to make friends or not. This person has spent his entire life locked in solitude with humans running dangerous test on him. He will no longer let this go by day after day, he will find his own light to guide him, who knows it might even be with ponies, something that he won't expect
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I would like to see where this is going so in other words you have gained my attention
pfft what a name. Did realism ever cross your mind when coming up with it? When making an OC it's better to err on the side of realism. Keith Spawn alone is fairly unrealistic, but Edit Keith Spawn? I would change that, stat.
Riveting. What did they sound like? Were they echoing at all? Shrill? Low pitched?
Oh joy, he's one of those protagonists, who gets powers pulled out of his ass as the story goes on.
It is "an" not "a(n)". Why would you think otherwise? It starts with a vowel sound. If it does that, it's "an" instead of "a".
I am not a gun nut, but even I know that it isn't a clip, it's a magazine. Clips go inside the magazine and the magazine goes inside the gun.
Again, not a gun nut. What is a G36C? Is this even relevant to the story?
Yep. You could have shown this instead, y'know. That would make for excitement and not dull shonen-style "WHILE YOU WERE DOING THIS I DID THIS, NEGATING WHAT YOU DID" crap.
And then you jarringly switch from first person (I, me) to third (he, they). This is a no-no. Most authors won't do that, even experienced ones. It's better to stick to one perspective. And if you choose first, don't switch character POV's. Even experienced authors have trouble with that.
"Pinkie, where are you?" Notice how there's punctuation. Which reminds me, you have poor punctuation. Pretty sure a basic grammar checker on the computer would catch that.
This first chapter is cliche - super powerful character who is an experiment escapes to Equestria, meets Mane Six. Seen it before, and it's never been done good. And judging from this first chapter, you won't change that trend unless you make big changes.
I notice this is your first story. Bad idea to start your Fimfic career with something like this. My suggestion is to step away from this fic for a while, write a few slice-of-life fics about one or two characters instead of trying a complicated story like this. Also, read more fics on the site. Learn what people like and don't like.
Then come back to this when you're more experienced and know the general feelings of the average reader and rewrite it using what you've learned. Hopefully to a less Mary Sue-ish, OP shonen style.
Edward, Edwin, Edgar, Edmund... all perfectly respectable, plausible names from old English. These are names that actual people have had. So what in the multiverse possessed you to name your character after a verb? And while a quick online search confirmed that there are people in the world who actually have "Spawn" as a family name -- to my great surprise -- it's still pretty damn difficult to accept in this context.
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A G36C, because I'm bored and wish to link things :>
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I actually googled it to see what it was while writing that comment, but I should never have to do that when reading a story.
"mind blown to shits" would have worked too you know
meh, im bailing this story, i prefer the dark types where humans are treated as monsters
What the fuuuuuuuuuulubber butt did i just read? Whatever it was, it was amazing good sir, please continue.
You need to Edit this. ?
Too many mistakes
For my myriad tastes.
Still gonna bookmark it so I can read when you've gone back through and spellchecked.
I dont know if you know this but you dont need to modify a shotgun to make it fire slugs you could have said that it was loaded with slugs instead of regular shells