Rip Mah Stockings, Diamond Tiara!
If there was one thing Diamond Tiara hated more than Apple Bloom, it was Apple Bloom in a Prench maid outfit. Not only was it creepy, but for some reason it made her heart beat like mad. She had just woken up, minding her own business when Apple Bloom burst through her door, in a Prench maid outfit, and started dancing in front of her, telling her to-
“Rip mah stockings, Diamond Tiara!”
...Yes, that. Diamond Tiara had seen many strange things in her young life such as a bunch of tiny balls with wings eating the town, or an Ursa Minor rampaging through town. The most recent she could remember being the town being assaulted by thorny vines, the kind that reminded her of the ones in her Neighponese hent-I mean, anime. Yes, her totally not graphic, totally child friendly anime.
“Rip mah stockings, Diamond Tiara!”
However all of those occurrences had nothing on Apple Bloom, dressed as a Prench maid, wanting her stockings ripped by Diamond for some odd reason.
“Apple Bloom,” Diamond Tiara said, finally finding the courage to speak. “What are you doing in my room?”
“Rip mah stockings, Diamond Tiara!”
“...Riiight.” Getting up from her bed, Diamond Tiara walked past Apple Bloom, who was now on her back, peddling all four legs back and fourth, and opened the door. “DADDY! GET THIS CRAZY PONY OUT OF MY ROOM!” she yelled as loud as she could. After a few seconds of waiting, she called out again, and once again, there was no answer.
“Rip mah stock-” Diamond Tiara quickly ran up to Apple Bloom and stuffed her hoof in her mouth.
“You finish that sentence and I will kill you!” Diamond Tiara snarled as she turned around, glaring at the smiling Apple Bloom.
“-ings, Diamond Tiara!”
“Ghahh!” Resisting the urge to pull her mane out, Diamond Tiara quickly left her room, slamming the door behind. “Daddy! Where are you?!” she called out for a third time. Once again, she was met with only silence. “Where is he?” Diamond Tiara mumbled to herself. Maybe he’s outside? she thought.
Deciding that was the only possible explanation, she quickly ran outside her house and gaped at what was happening.
It was chaos.
Buildings were flying in the air, upside down no less! Trees were filled with candy instead of fruit! Rabbits running around on incredibly long four legs! Derpy was flying straight and delivering mail… ON TIME!
“W-what is going on here?!” she screamed and quickly turned around to run inside her house. Or she would have, if not for a certain apple farmer blocking her way.
“Rip mah stockings, Diamond Tiara!”
“GHAH!” Diamond Tiara screamed as she ran as far away from Apple Bloom as possible. There was only one place she knew she would be safe at; Barnyard Bargains, her father’s business. If she could just get there, then her father would protect her from all this craziness.
She tried to ignore everything, from the bunny stampede, all the way to the tutu-wearing bulls. But all that craziness didn’t matter, not so long as she could get to her daddy. Then everything would be alright. Seeing Barnyard Bargains up ahead, Diamond Tiara ran even faster and bursted through the front door.
“Daddy, are you here?!” Diamond Tiara called out desperately.
“Diamond Tiara!” she heard her father call from the next room over.
“Daddy!” A smile quickly formed on her face, and she quickly rushed into the next room. “Daddy! I’m so glad you’re al…” Diamond Tiara was unable to finish her sentence. The horror in front of her sapped what little hope she had, and she slowly backed away. “No...no…” she muttered to herself, staring at her father who was wearing a Prench maid outfit, just like Apple Bloom’s.
“Rip my stockings, Diamond Tiara!”
“NOOOOOOO!”
“Okay, Diamond Tiara. Stay cool. Everything is going to be fine,” Diamond Tiara mumbled to herself. She was pacing around in her bedroom, occasionally staring out the window. Currently it was raining stallions, all of which was covered in muscle, body builders by the looks of it. “Well, that was disturbing,” Diamond Tiara muttered as she closed her pink curtains, illuminating the room with a soft pink glow.
“Rip mah stockings, Diamond Tiara!”
Ignoring Apple Bloom, who was currently laying on top of her bed and pulling up her stockings, Diamond Tiara rummaged through her mini fridge, gritting her teeth every time Apple Bloom asked her to-
“Rip mah sto-”
“Will you quit asking me that?!” Diamond Tiara yelled as she threw a nearby plushie, hitting Apple Bloom in the face. “I thought your stupid crusading was annoying! But this is worse! This is ten times worse!” After a few seconds of silence, Diamond Tiara sighed happily, a smile adorning her face. Finally, that idiot finally decided to-
“Rip mah stockings, Diamond Tiara!”
“...”
Diamond’s smile slowly turned into a snarl. The only noise in the room was the sound of Diamond Tiara’s teeth grinding together. Her left eye twitched uncontrollably. And then her snarl slowly turned into a smile. A bitter, angry smile.
“You want me to rip your stockings?” Diamond Tiara asked sweetly, her left eye still twitching uncontrollably.
“Rip mah stockings, Diamond Tiara!”
Chuckling, Diamond Tiara slowly crept up to Apple Bloom. Her laughter echoing throughout the room.
“You want me to rip your stockings, eh? YOU WANT ME TO RIP YOUR STOCKINGS, HUH?!” Diamond Tiara yelled as she jumped on top of Apple Bloom. “FINE! I’LL RIP YOUR STOCKINGS, ALRIGHT!”
It was at that moment, the sky was filled with a shining rainbow, that shone through even her curtains.
What was that? Diamond Tiara asked herself, staring at her curtains. She was about to go open the curtains when she heard Apple Bloom grunting under her.
“Ugh, where am ah?” Apple Bloom asked as she looked around the room, and then towards Diamond Tiara. “Uh, Diamond Tiara, why am ah in your room?”
“Uh…” Diamond Tiara mumbled and continued staring at Apple Bloom, who looked down and saw her outfit.
“And...why am ah in a Prench maid outfit?!” Apple Bloom screamed. She then caught a glimpse of Diamond Tiara’s hooves. “A-and… Diamond Tiara?”
“Yes?” Diamond Tiara replied, her face burning red in embarrassment.
“Why...are you ripping mah stockings?” Apple Bloom asked, blushing madly. Unable to say anything, Diamond Tiara slowly smiled. Shrieking madly, Apple Bloom quickly shoved Diamond Tiara off of her and ran out of the house.
“Owch,” Diamond Tiara groaned as she slowly got up with a sigh.
Today was truly a horrific day.
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I think somepony ticked off Discord.
Wonder if that becomes a regular thing any time he and (presumeably) Fluttershy aren't seeing eye to eye. Possibly because Discord keeps plucking his out and rolling them around like dice, which never come up snake eyes, perplexingly.
RIP MAH STOCKINGS, MATTRICOLE!
Well, that was silly.
One thing, though:
"Burst" is another one of those irregular verbs in English that doesn't get made past-tense by adding an "-ed" at the end of it. The past tense –
(You still goin' on 'bout tenses? Ah keep tellin' ya–)
(Don't say it.)
(...fine, fine.)
Anyway, the past-tense form of "burst" is –
(Cut back on th' coffee an' y'all wouldn't be so tense all the time.)
(Do you mind?)
(Nope, Ah don't mind at all.)
(...)
(...)
(Don't you have apples to buck or something?)
Anyway. The past-tense of "burst" is still... "burst."
(Okay, now you're just messin' with us.)
(Not at all, Applejack. Look it up.)
(..."Rip mah stockin's?" Ah don't git it.)
(*whisperwhisperwhisperwhisperwhisper*...)
(WHAT?!? ... Oh, EWWWWW! Dangit, now Ah'm gonna have that image stuck in mah head every time Ah see her!)
3641407
Thank you, I'll fix that right now.
This is weird...
3641407
"Bursted" as well, actually. Yeah, it feels weird, but like "shined", enough people have screwed it up that it is acceptable now. You'll find it in dictionaries as the past tense of "burst" (I know because I looked it up
). If it hadn't been in there, I'd have flagged it. But it was...
And like "shined", getting rid of special cases is overall better for the English language in the long run, making it easier to learn
And I say that even though I prefer what I'm used to ("burst" and "shone")
3641433
As the kids say these days, "Citation needed." I've got three different dictionaries on my desk right now, and not one of them lists "bursted" as an acceptable conjugation for "burst."
3641445
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/burst
Caught me by surprise it being there. But it was.
3641448
From Grammarist
You will not find "bursted" in the Oxford English Dictionary, nor in the American Heritage Dictionary, nor the Cambridge Dictionary (which are the three I have handy). In addition, if you google "conjugate burst", not one of the sites on the first page of results lists "bursted" as the acceptable past-tense conjugation of "burst".
So, sorry. Merriam-Webster is an outlier, or possibly including it for the benefit of people trying to look up the old and incorrect form. Either way, "bursted" is absolutely not correct and should not be used.
OBJECTION!So this was supposed to have happened during return of harmony....right? Yet somehow Diamond has memory of the town being over run by thorny vines all the way back in season 2 even though they didn't show up at all till season three....I still like the story, but that was a pretty big contradiction so...
-Element
3641544
Second person to catch that, so congrats. The only reason I'm not changing it is cause I like the joke I did with it.
3641506
So should we not use Merriam-Webster? That's like a popular dictionary, and back when I was in school it was the one most classes used. Either way it looks like these dictionaries all have differing opinions whether or not bursted should be used, so I'm just gonna go with the dictionary I like, which is Webster. That and your comment kind of seems pretentious, but maybe I'm just looking at it wrong.
EDIT: Wow...just wow. I'm a f*cking idiot.
Filthy Rich in a maid outfit...
YOU SICK MONSTER!
This story is clearly running on stupid stew.
Good thing I'm hungry right now.
3641506
I'm guessing they include it because, to use something from later in the Grammarist article:
Seems weird though... if it is fairly common, then it should be in more dictionaries than the one. (And it is; dictionary.com has it as well, but... well, I don't trust that one the way I trust Webster's.) Probably a location thing. Not used in English dictionaries, but does exist in certain American-English ones.
3641558 3641582
Actually, after looking at the Merriam-Webster entry from top to bottom, I'm inclined to think they are listing "bursted" only for those who are trying to look up the archaic or incorrect form. Notice how none of the example uses they give below the definition use "bursted"; if it was considered correct, you'd think at least one of the examples would demonstrate it.
The prior comment wasn't intended to be pretentious, though. Blame it on too many incidents of having to deal with people who will refuse to believe the sun rises in the east unless you snow them under with fifteen different references and a notarized statement from the Pope, I suppose.
3641661
I didn't take it that way, so all good here ;) Although, given that this Pope seems to be a pretty cool guy, I'll take a notarized statement from him if you have one.
3641661
THE SUN RISES THE NORTH FOOL!
But seriously, because it's all text I can never tell if someone is being jerkish or not, I just have the habit of saying it, and half the time it turns out I took it wrong. So my apologies.
But seriously...North. Totally does that.
Funny story
3641562
How d'you think he got to be so rich?
I am so lost right now... Was that perfect coincidental timing, or was everything set to reset the moment Diamond Tiara gave into Applebloom's demands?
...Dear Celestia, I can't believe I just said that last line!
3642613
Why not both? The Elements of Harmony, taking advantage of Discord being distracted by Diamond giving in, turned Discord to stone at that exact moment
"Rip mah stockings, Diamond Tiara"
Oh, I love this overly repetitive joke.
At first it's funny, then annoying, but after that it's repeated even more!
Wow. That's... unexpected
Can we get an explanation, please? O_O
3677471 Discord.
Okay, I had a blastsa.- rererereading this story. But quuuuuuuuuuuu honst,
I qu[]t[]n the ---lusi% of the 
Randommmmmmmm tagatata[][][]---------- sisissssissssd............................
.............................................................................................
...since the central episode is Return of Harmony. But oh well, minor detail!
Huh?
hmm. Meh. Have a fave, a like, and a little bit of Spike. 
These are the words Tingle came up with.
Don't steal them!
....I'm not sure if I like this or don't......
That ending. T'was perfect.
Like, why is
wearing MY Prench Maid Uniform?
Like, Rip my stockings Diamond Tiara
Well, that was certainly something. I did find the ending amusing so there is that.