Back In Control

mycarhasaMoustache

mycarhasaMoustache #1 · Jan 23rd, 2014 · 2 · ·

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I am continuing this amazing story

A link to the original in the description would be nice.

Secrios

Secrios #2 · Jan 23rd, 2014 · · ·

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Anon is best pony!

Zypher

Zypher #3 · Jan 23rd, 2014 · 1 · ·

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3833783 It is posted on my page but thanks Ill add that here.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/80325/1/out-of-control/00-rise-and-shine

linkman447

linkman447 #4 · Jan 23rd, 2014 · · ·

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glad to see your back i liked the first part if you could call it that

fic reader 17

fic reader 17 #5 · Jan 24th, 2014 · · ·

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I am sorry but the original story was already beyond redemption halfway

Dewybmt

Dewybmt #6 · Jan 25th, 2014 · 1 · ·

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Hmm, as sad as it is to say, this is honestly not what I was expecting. Where should I start? Well grammar is one, yeah, that's important. Probably, anyways, I'm sure. Also This is a 'constructive' criticism which means even if what I'm about to say may seem like it gets harsh, I in no way regard you or this story in any truly negative terms and only wish for the betterment of this story and you as an author. Second, well, when I said it might be a good idea to try and revert back to earlier points in the story to redo lesser points, I think I mean that more than ever. Looking back on it, the original story had a lot of inconsistencies that really detract from the illusion of the story itself. I've brought them up once, but I find myself personally losing the interest in this story-related arc more and more. First of all, I'm not the first person to notice this; Anon's still sane. What I think I was thinking when I mentioned redoing/improving this story, personally, would've been to try and re-do that. I mean, at first I thought I was just distant and distracted from the story but yeah that's actually a really big thing. I mean, fuck man, someone in the original story said it really well but in short, he's been raped by his 'friends' on multiple occasions, HORRIBLY abused, tormented by griffons, crippled, assaulted and had several broken bones and limbs, had his dignity ripped from his constantly, his trust obliterated and not only has he not once shown signs of really cracking down and actually 'hating' anyone but this continuation just reminds me that...he forgave everybody. Hell, unless he has MAJOR breakdowns in this, I can only hold suspension of disbelief so long. Even then I just...don't see room for it anymore. This is basically a whole new story. You can look up the giant comment explaining it, but it's just miserable to continue to watch him like this. And many people note how the story's gone downhill in the original, I think partly in turn to how rebounding Anon's been. It gets boring when he just holds out his arms and forgives everyone again, and again, and again...and then gets beaten up some more. It was always interesting to me in points where he would ACTUALLY be angry at somebody and hold it against them and then it comes crashing down when it's just...okay, I forgive your atrocities.

Also this story stuff is actually kind of unprecedented. I mean Anon's useless. We've seen it so much in the original story. And it'd be a bad idea, thinking on it, to just 'make' him better. I think it seriously needs to be said that this story would just drop if the character changed overnight like that, he can't just be a badass with how squishy he's been both physically and emotionally. Honestly, I could see him developing with the urge to get stronger and actually finding ways to do that, but like I said this is so far off track that there's basically no room with this pathway. I will almost just not stand to see him suddenly become a white knight. I mean, it seemed like an interesting idea for a little bit, but tragedy and unorthodox character development go hand in hand and somehow the latter has been ignored. I'm not saying you've got bad ideas in mind, but this is something I think a lot of people would actually appreciate, on top of just generally improving your writing; Rethinking the character himself. I'm not saying he needs to become an emo, but it's just an interesting idea to contemplate what it would've been like if there were actually 'repercussions' of some kind from how much he's been giving to everybody. Willing or not. Some kind of personal power in Anon's hands at least. When you think about it, the ponies are really the horribly twisted ones. Someone else put it well, The big bad human hurt all the ponies so they won't forgive him and if he doesn't remember he did it and he's helpless then the ponies show their true colors.

Again, I don't think you're the problem, not only are you the only person willing to try and do this but you've got the spirit to want to make a story at all. And I know you feel it's not fair to use someone else's fanfiction and change it around like you said earlier but seriously, if the original owner hasn't cared for this long then it's not stealing, he abandoned his work. Not in an asshole way but he 'did' leave behind his story. It's not legal property, with due credit, you would be safe to do as you see fit really. Just think about it, give it serious thought. Not just 'I read this with the idea of my initial ideas' but 'I read this with an open mind to contemplate my decisions and what I'm really willing to do'. Or something along those lines at least.

Oh, and I guess it's worth saying but the changelings still bother me. They didn't always, back when they were not considered good guys. You know, they didn't help Anon, they just used him. And you could tell Chrysalis still had evil intentions for Anon and everyone. I just can't picture the spy network and all that, but that's perhaps a personal aspect. All my other points still hold valid until further notice.

Zypher

Zypher #7 · Jan 26th, 2014 · · ·

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3841553

Thank you once again. I am sorry about some of my grammar and what not and I don't know how long in between stories it will be because I have work and other things. As to Anon's mental stability I freely admit I have a hard time with that as well and trying to figure out how to work with the material is a pain. I could go back and re-write but then it would be an entirely different story. The only thing I could come up with is if I backtracked to before the Arena where in my opinion was where it truly went down hill.

grayhound

grayhound #8 · Feb 1st, 2014 · · ·

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I'm not one to nitpick on grammar or potholes ( magic legendary McGuffin ) so long as the story is interesting. ( and a little humor doesn't hurt... at least some times ) and i never judge a fic until i read at least the 3rd chapter. but I'll be truthful about Your last story. It got seriously derailed and i want to see if you can get it back on track. Until then...

God speed you magnificent bastard. ~ The soldier

sjo3989

sjo3989 #9 · Mar 30th, 2014 · · ·

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good luck continuing the story, would like to see this completed

atomic nom

atomic nom #10 · Apr 4th, 2014 · · ·

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confident anon... I like it (too).

well, really it would'nt matter to me if either story would of kep going because I like them both.

Zinger

Zinger #11 · Jul 24th, 2014 · 2 · ·

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You should of just rewrote the whole thing. It was at first a Half-Life crossover then a mindless rape fic. So it can't really be saved unless you do a complete overhaul. But you're doing good, so I'll pay attention.

syndrose