What do you do when you're taken from your world and left in a hostile forest, with nothing but a set of work clothes, a couple of granola bars, a couple of knives, and a note written in a language you can't even understand? Such is what Isaac must deal with. Throw in technicolor ponies 20% too tactile for his taste, and only god knows what'll happen to him.
My first story, so I'm still trying to figure everything out. Tags and Characters will be edited along the way, to better reflect the story as it progresses. Criticism is welcome, but if you don't like my story, please tell me why when you thumb it down.
Chapters (4)
Very Nice Indeed This was A very Interesting story I cant wait for the Next Part
Keep The Good Work Up
Sincerely, your Reader Digital
I think this has interesting potential, the story title is ambiguous enough to retain a sense of mystery as there are several ways it can be interpreted, I also think the writing style is solid and well grounded. I do think it's be easier to get more of a sense for the characters if their reactions were a little more in-depth as of now they're fairly generic. You know, if you say someone's a little puzzled after experiencing inter-dimensional transportation, it's a bit like, 'well, obviously,'
Another thing is the sequence with Twilight's door, it's somehow not quite clear who's where in that scene, this may just be me not quite following it, but it felt under-explained as I felt uncertain as to where each character was supposed to be or quite how it was happening.
I'm mainly following this to see where it goes, as I feel the story thread may just go in an interesting direction even though we've seen plenty of seemingly omnipotent beings drop hapless humans into Equestria in the past. See 'Chess Games of the Gods'.
So I really hope this is something new, and if it is, you have my support!
If not, I will be sad. -.=.-,
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As for the points you made:
Thanks for the input.
1. I hadn't thought to explain the character's reactions, so thanks for pointing that out.
2. It may have just been easier for me to picture it, so I didn't think to describe their positions better in that scene.
All in all, good eye. Thanks again.
Another fairly solid chapter, and one that I feel I only really have one issue with: after the whole discussion with her sister where it was very obviously revealed that Luna's ulterior motive for visiting the ruins was to spend some time with the friends she made in Ponyville when she used the town as a rest break.
Why then did she proceed to fly straight there? I understand that maybe investigating magical surges takes precedence over spending time with your friends in this case, but I thought the entire point they were making there was that she would need to rest in order to investigate properly. If the argument could be that she would only need to rest on her way back then that would have been fine, but the implication when she states that Celestia would draw too much attention is that she is going to stop there before going and she doesn't want ponies to think there's a problem.
You then go on to state that she is tired when she goes into the forest, what the hell? Why didn't she use her agreed-upon rest stop, then?
Also, the whole 'I turned your body clock backwards' thing. That might have made her more tired, but she was already tired and you don't tend to fall asleep whilst engaged in physical activity, like flying! Do you see how that might be a problem?
If you're saying that he messed around with temporal mechanics to make her into the person she was twelve hours ago then there are still issues, firstly that change probably would have been instantaneous, wouldn't it? And also, if he has done so, how can he expect her to remember anything he told her?
I'm guessing that his name is supposed to be a sign to Celestia that basically says 'bugger off' because otherwise everything he's done to avoid them getting involved is just going to make them more interested in what he's trying to hide, also with what I'm guessing is a very important name being given to Celestia I can almost smell a big heaping pile of exposition coming over the horizon.
If I'm honest I'm quite sick of the idea of godlike beings manifesting as alicorns and then playing some chess game with everybody's' lives, not only does it make for a rather pretentious character but it seems so out of place in the MLP universe. If you want to represent alicorns as gods, fine, have at it. But why do Celestia and Luna apparently suck at being goddesses? Every story I've seen with a theme like this has them being continually bested and befuddled by these other gods and frankly it annoys me when, as alicorns, I'd like to imagine they all have an equal footing, surely?
Anyway, this is pretty much just devolving into my own likes and dislikes regarding story choices, none of this is going to stop me from reading this as it's released. As ever, the spelling and punctuation seem solid to me and there's now no confusion as to character location. Though I do have to wonder how Tempus Flora or whatever his name was is going to handle the inquisitive force that is Twilight Sparkle when he doesn't want anyone to interfere.
Leaving all that aside, I will be waiting to see the next chapter, and I hope to see more from you soon!
3514705 Thanks for pointing that out, and now that I've fixed it...
ON TO CHAPTER 3!
Ouch! This is not going to end well for him ^^
Let's end this chapter with unconsciousness, yayyyy...
MKMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!