When April Foals Day comes around, Apple Bloom gets a visit from Discord. He shows her a way to get a cutie mark.... in pranking? When she is put under his spell, her life will change... forever.
Chapters (7)
- Member Since 25th Sep, 2013
- offline last seen Jun 28th, 2014
fluttershylover357
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fluttershylover357
Joined 25th Sep, 2013 ·
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This story is pretty bad
there are too many different plotlines here.
That's one of the biggest plot twists ever.
I'm interested to see what happens next.
3965766
Why is it bad? Also, I would like to know why having different plotlines is bad.
3967185
That's great! I was thinking about writing a sequel with Scootaloo as the main character... do you think I should?
4019300
I'd read it. I always loved when sequels are from a different point of view than the original.
Like the My Teacher is an Alien books
4022494
Amazing book series. It's been a while since I read those. I would love to read them again if I got the chance!
4035300
I haven't read them in so long. I think I have them somewhere. I never read the very first book, I started with the second one. Maybe I'll reread them sometime.
4041306
Good for you! I can barely remember them... One of my favorite book series was Junie B. Jones.
4019293
the story is too random. Its like saying "hey, pony fell down a well, this pony about to die!
Else where,
pony strikes gold, pony gettin rich"
Its unsmooth trasition and completely unrelated. aka bad writing. to insert sweetie belle using magic, and a possible changlimg invasion during the central focus of apple bloom nearly dying because of a head slam to the wall, it is too abstract and being really early on, doesn't flow
well with the oigional plot of aplle bloom getting tricked by discord to get pranked.
The story is bad as a whole because its
too many different, unrelated ideas
right off the bat. it would work better if each was somehow all link to applebloom being turn into a prankster. sweetie belle learning magic it related to something related to the plot which is not bad but unnessicary and the changling is just bad.
sorry, super busy as of late.
4096093
I see. I tried to make the story a whole, but... I guess I didn't connect those ideas as well as I thought. Looking back at the story, I realized you're right. I should connect the ideas, and in order to do that... I'm going to either...
A) Write a sequel that connects the bits and pieces together,
B) Write more chapters on this one, or
C) None of the above.
I hope to improve my writing skills over time... this was my second story I've ever written, so I appreciate your constructive criticism. I enjoy receiving and reading feedback, so feel free to suggest which of the steps I am debating on taking is best!
P.S. Sorry this reply took so long. I am still in school, so I am trying to get back on as soon as possible!
The story flow needs to be a lot smoother, I honestly couldn't read the whole chapter (stopped about midway) because the transition was unstable.
Also only female foals like the CMC are called fillies, males are called colts. Like adult females are called mares and adult males are called stallions.