The life of a prankster

by fluttershylover357

Chapter 7

Two fillies burst through the doors, a cart glowing a soft pink popping in first. Both of them were panting, almost completely out of breath. Sooner than they had stopped, they took off running again, faster than before. Suddenly, a huge group of paramedics broke in after them, shocking everyone in the hospital even more than before.

"It's okay, everyone," The lead one rasped. "Everything's under control." He and the other paramedics caught as much of their breath as they could, then went running after the two fillies. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo were now only a white and orange blur, running at a canter faster than anyone had ever seen. Up ahead, a huge grey door read in big capital letters, "Assistance". They ran as fast as their bodies would carry them, bursting through the door at an incredible speed. A peach colored mare gasped in surprise, watching the cart as it flew through the doors.

"C-can I help you?" She stammered, looking down at the two panting fillies. Scootaloo nodded.

"We need your help right away. Our friend is losing too much blood, and..." Her voice trailed off. How could she explain what had happened? Luckily, there was no need. The soft colored mare nodded, pointing her pen towards a door.

"Right this way," She said in a calm tone. Both fillies followed her, walking as fast as they could. A moment later, the paramedics burst through.

"Where did they go?" One of them asked in a furious tone.
"I dunno boss," Another said, tilting his head in confusion.
"Maybe, this way?"
"No, this way."
"No way, it was this way, I watched them run through this exact door." The group continued to argue, not sure which of the thirteen sets of doors they had run through. Making sure no one but he and his group were watching, the lead blue stallion's horn flashed a bright green, and he transformed into his true form, a changeling king married to Queen Chrysalis herself, King Metamorphis.

"Never mind where they went," He spoke in a raspy voice, loud and scratchy like tearing tinfoil. "It is important we wait until the yellow one is fully or at least close to recovery, or the plan will fail," The others thought for a second, then nodded their heads in agreement. Soon, the time would come... And everything would change.

Comments

[Bronypichu]

This story is pretty bad
there are too many different plotlines here.

[Moonbit]

That's one of the biggest plot twists ever.
I'm interested to see what happens next.

[fluttershylover357]

3965766

Why is it bad? Also, I would like to know why having different plotlines is bad.

[fluttershylover357]

3967185

That's great! I was thinking about writing a sequel with Scootaloo as the main character... do you think I should?

[Moonbit]

4019300
I'd read it. I always loved when sequels are from a different point of view than the original.
Like the My Teacher is an Alien books

[fluttershylover357]

4022494

Amazing book series. It's been a while since I read those. I would love to read them again if I got the chance!

[Moonbit]

4035300
I haven't read them in so long. I think I have them somewhere. I never read the very first book, I started with the second one. Maybe I'll reread them sometime.

[fluttershylover357]

4041306

Good for you! I can barely remember them... One of my favorite book series was Junie B. Jones.

[Bronypichu]

4019293
the story is too random. Its like saying "hey, pony fell down a well, this pony about to die!
Else where,
pony strikes gold, pony gettin rich"
Its unsmooth trasition and completely unrelated. aka bad writing. to insert sweetie belle using magic, and a possible changlimg invasion during the central focus of apple bloom nearly dying because of a head slam to the wall, it is too abstract and being really early on, doesn't flow
well with the oigional plot of aplle bloom getting tricked by discord to get pranked.
The story is bad as a whole because its
too many different, unrelated ideas
right off the bat. it would work better if each was somehow all link to applebloom being turn into a prankster. sweetie belle learning magic it related to something related to the plot which is not bad but unnessicary and the changling is just bad.
sorry, super busy as of late.

[fluttershylover357]

4096093

I see. I tried to make the story a whole, but... I guess I didn't connect those ideas as well as I thought. Looking back at the story, I realized you're right. I should connect the ideas, and in order to do that... I'm going to either...
A) Write a sequel that connects the bits and pieces together,
B) Write more chapters on this one, or
C) None of the above.

I hope to improve my writing skills over time... this was my second story I've ever written, so I appreciate your constructive criticism. I enjoy receiving and reading feedback, so feel free to suggest which of the steps I am debating on taking is best!

P.S. Sorry this reply took so long. I am still in school, so I am trying to get back on as soon as possible!