Hey there, It's Jolly Racer you may know me, from my story being wrote, 'A Crumbling Path'. Anyhow, I'm here to tell what happened a month ago, I really don't want to talk about but, I'll have too since Applejack thinks I'll feel way better. Well it's been 2 years since I married Applejack and 4 months since I had two foals a girl and a boy, but after this it would never be the same. And when this happens I just wonder when I'm gonna see my beautiful wife or my 2 foals
Author Speaking: Hey guys this is Outlaw Applejack here, and you might be confused 'cause my first story a on Jolly only has made it to the 3rd Chapter and I need more views I've really improved in my writing skills with 'A Crumbling Path', and in this story sometimes I'll go in to 3rd person because Jolly not there to know what Applejack is doing. Oh and also I should be done with a chapter every Sunday or Monday or earlier so check everyday.
Edited by my friend, Benprodemo
Found some slight errors:
'but me her cared for' should be 'but me and her cared for'
'Fluttershy and me has actually' should be 'Fluttershy and me have actually'
'he has he hair like the' should be 'he has the hair like the'
'but Appple Jack get caught' should be ' but Apple Jack gets caught'
'I trot passed' should be 'I trotted past'
'colt cuddlier' should be 'colt cuddler'
I like this story.
One question however, Why did Jolly just go from disgruntled to beating the crimson piss out of a teenager in like .7 seconds?
I... I... Didn't see... any of this coming....
I... I... I'm gonna.... go now....
3565562 uh well Jolly has some mental problems, and he changes his mind a lot so, yeah
3565627 Just one question, what didn't you see coming
3566345
.........EVERYTHING.......
3566385 what was the part that caught your eye
3566560 Well um... hmm.... let's see here...... It would probably have to be...... The Murders, tortures, and the rape, can't forget about that..... Especially by who committed them!!!! Like Holy Tartarus! I... I... I...jus...don..wha...I... Nev... I did not see that comming what-so-ever. You have officially supprised me... And that's very, VERY, VERY rare...
I have no idea if that's a good thing or a bad thing....
3566640 so what was the conviction that most popped out at you
3570909 More like: What wasn't! They all seem extremely out of character... And another thing, Death Row? Apple Bloom is like 7 years old!
Me being transported to Equestria itself would come as less of a shock than the left-field curve ball that you've thrown... I mean, I expected absolutely NONE of this....
I... I just don't know what else to say....
3571030 I based the Applebloom and pinkie pie's conviction on cupcakes, ok
3566640 I'm talking about, what was the most ADULT conviction that surprised you
3571044 I guess I should've seen that coming... I never read it.... Probably should.... But still, the rest of the coonvictions are completely out of character and seem fairly outlandish....
I don't know what else to say....
3571096 Do you think its good or a bad thing
3571063 Would probably be Spit Fire and Mr. and Ms. Cake's convictions that stood out the most...
For the record, the Octavia conviction extremely caught me off guard... But then again, they're 2 of my most favorite characters. (Not just because of the Bow-tie and shades)....
3571108 To be honest, and I mean brutally honest... I don't know. It can swing either way. I just personally don't like how right off the bat, MURDER, Dun Dun Dun....
3571157 I get it, i know i put murder in this too fast, so sorry
3571157 Anyway im about to add anew chapter tonight, so be on the lookout
3571030 Well u dont know if applebloom will die or not
3571218 Nah I'm just grinding your gears on that.
I'm actually kind of eager to see what you do next...
3571329 so i added the 3rd chapter read it tell me what u think
3571329 So i ADDED chapter 3, read it' tell me what you think
3571474 Mind if I start with the errors?
"Your a dead colt tomorrow, you took A.J. away from me, I loved her we were actually bonding, then you swooped in and married her. I guess I my brain slipped out of proportion as I these words slipped my mouth,"It's not my fault I'm not a filly fooler, you had your chance."
Seems that it should be:
,"Your a dead colt tomorrow, you took A.J. away from me, I loved her! We were actually bonding, but then you swooped in and married her."
I guess I my brain slipped out of proportion as these words slipped out of my mouth,"It's not my fault I'm not a filly fooler, you had your chance."
Soon Sgt. Stinger bust through the door as every other pony while scowling saying,"Rainbow stop that crap and come down from there."
Perhaps 'with every other pony'
Seems that it should be:
Soon Sgt. Stinger busted through the door while scowling and said,"Rainbow stop that crap and come down from there."
Don't know how to correct the 'as every other pony' part
"I'm just saying, I knew him for a long period of time,
Seems that it should be:
"I'm just saying, I knew him for a long time,
-Errors end here-
Short but decent progress.
I liked how you explained why Dash was convicted, and how she got minor revenge...
Umm.... Why are Toxic and Fluttershy sleeping at the farmhouse?
3575134 they knew applejack was going insane and they snuck in trying to make her feel better
3576649(O_O) Just realized the 'your' in 'your a dead colt' should be 'You're a dead colt'
I'm sorry I have failed you...
3576649 Oh and aspect that makes sense. They stayed so they'd know that she'd be okay.
Makes sense....
3579461 you havent failed me, you've been helping me
3579558 I know, but it still feels like I failed...
3580554 Nah man, since my first story you helped me, you're awesome
3580623
Awesome?
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWW HHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL YYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry you had to witness that...
I just don't get complimented like that very often.
Thank you kindy.
3580725 your sorry i had to witness pure awesomeness, my main line in daily life is, Hell yeah or Hell no