• Member Since 4th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Apr 22nd, 2017

BronyBrozly


E

This is a short story of Cranky Doodle Donkey's past on his stay in an apartment in the city of Manehattan for his search of his special friend. Instead of finding Matilda, Cranky met a blue colt that greeted him on his first day in the apartment.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 2 )

*sniff*
okay, that was very nice. At first I thought Cranky would help Bluey discover his talent, but that was still a very touching ending.

A few suggestions, though:
I liked this story and thought it was good. If you clean it up a bit, it can be great.
Wait a few days before posting a story and reread it or have someone else read it. You'll catch most of the typos and errors.
You may want to elaborate on the description of the apartment building. It sounded to me like he brought his cart inside the apartment lobby and through the halls of the building. That had me a little confused.
You may want to talk about when this is in Cranky's life. He seemed to warm up to Bluey much faster than he did to Pinkie Pie. This leads me to believe that this would have been early in his search for Matilda, meaning he still would be hopeful of finding her.

Very nice story. Keep up the good work.

282974

Yeah, I really should slow down a bit to clean the story a little bit. :twilightblush: I tried finding other people to proof-read it to me days before publishing it but most of them had their own projects.
But, thanks for the feedback. :twilightsmile: I hope that I could improve my writing and create more stories that you would enjoy. :pinkiehappy:

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