Nadir, a young zebra stallion, sets off in a journey to be reunited with his lost mother. He has taken the risk to venture into the unknown, in hope that his mother is still alive after years of separation. Nadir has accepted the challenge to travel across the world to accomplish his quest. He will encounter new and odd creature, visit new areas and face many obstacles during his journey. Nadir's determination, endurance and mental strength will be put into the test along the winding road of the unknown world.
Chapters (8)
hmmm....
I humbly suggest you read your story out loud slowly and carefully. I found only a few mistakes, but many sentences are...odd. It's difficult to describe so I'll use an example.
First of all it should be throbbing, as in present tense. Second...it's the wrong word. I understand what you are trying to say but there are better word choices.
"I swallowed my anxiety and felt my heart hammering in my chest."
Same meaning but imo it flows better.
I like the plot of your story, it's a classic.
1802378
Thank you for the feedback. I'll change the sentence right now.
i like it so far but... something is bothering me about your description... a stallion is an un-castrated male horse... idk if you meant to do that or not, but just thought I'd let ya know.
Additional Note: This was the song that I referenced in this chapter. Just an extra info, is all. Anyway, enjoy reading!
Uuuuh I got no mistakes.
1836754
I saw the critic thread in the editing group. In only the first chapter, there are a consuming number of mechanical errors in this story that made it both jarring and difficult to read. If you have a gdocs version of this, I'd be happy to go over it with you.