The true story behind the founding of Equestria, sadly one of conflict and ruination. Thanks for actually reading the story, I plan on making this fairly long and drawn out so expect a lot of content!
Cover art by me.
Also to you people who disliked my story, leave a comment as to why you didn't like it so I can improve.
Update: if you find you are easily disturbed by glory depictions, stop reading and don't smack the dislike button and say I didn't warn you. There will be dead babies soon.
Update: I might not be able to make chapters on Thursday or Friday. Busy schedule you know...anyway hopefully I'll finish one on Saturday at most. I haven't started on the picture but I'll make it eventually.
Update: Yay! Finished the cover, it's not too shabby.
Update: Well, that was another chapter. Anyway, I will try to make as many chapters as I can for you guys who actually read it.
Update: New chapter, I'll add the gore tag back in when they start killing each other.
Some sentences seem to run on and some phrases are set in the wrong tense, but I'm interested to see where this story goes.
By all means, please continue to update this little story. These fics that rework Equestrian history pique my inner historian.
Sincerely,
Nick the White
I like it! The story is fantastic so far! The writing style is very involved and you can easily follow along with the story's plot. The rising action, narrative, and dialogue is done well enough to grab and hold the reader's attention! Can't wait to see where this is going. The writing is, in fact, much better than most of what I normally read on this site.
3147461
3147457
Glad you like it! I plan to update it in at least a week, depending on my workload I should be able to make the next chapter tomorrow or the day after that.
The shortness of the chapters really add to the suspense of the story. You've got a nice base here. I'm eager to see where you go from here.
3152083
Thanks, also do you know why someone would dislike my story, I want to know how to improve.
That is quite a spacious chimney!
I like the chapter! I'm not sure if it is just me, but the story feels very theatrical. Not to mention it really does come across as realistic. I'll have to see where you go with this story.
3152526
Thank you, sorry for the slow response. Blame the internet.
Anyway next chapter is going to be Commander Hurricane's return.
I can't think of a cool name though.
3152541 The Hurricane's (Alternative/Reaction/Response/Resort)? Throwing some ideas out there...
3152594
Thanks, and by the way, what is the profile pic supposed to be?
3152597 It is about chocolate milk...and hoping Twilight won't spill it. You can't tell by the way she smiles innocently.
3152629
Oh, ok I get it, it looks really weird.
Mine is really simple
3152650 I like yours for the simple and elegant design! It has a certain subtle charming quality to it.
Also:
This Should Answer You Question. Made it into a link because you'll need to magnify the image somewhat.
3152629
That was hilarious! "a touch of evil" priceless.
Still enjoying the story as that was a really good chapter! I feel like it is steadily building up to something big.
3162462
I'm glad you liked it!
Hope you will feel the same way about the next one, since it's kind of the opposite of what I just published. Very dark, and disturbing.
3162573 I can take it! My body is ready!
3162619
Hey...wait till the weekend okay? I have more free time then. Unless I get inspiration and pull another all nighter like I did for this chapter.
3162626 That's totally fine! You shouldn't rush the story, overextend yourself, or work outside of times comfortable to you. I don't consider this a job that demands a strict schedule. That's what makes it fun! Those willing to read the story will still be here including me. Don't stress yourself out about it. It works out best that way.
3162657
It's just that, as I add chapters, and build the story, the actual follow group doesn't nor do the depressing dislikes disappear. Not that I'll track down the dislikers and rip their throats out or anything.
As a matter of fact my other story has received much better feedback than this. Like six favorites and more likes. I'm here like hey I'm over at this story...
3162686 Unfortunately, it happens that way sometimes. It could be the cool-looking cover art or the cute story. I don't know for sure. However, you could try finding appropriate Groups, adding the story to them for awareness and traffic.
3162741
I have, the only problem is, all the big active ones are about things like clopping, shipping, and short stories. Very frustrating, I send it to serious groups, and it receives no views...
For now I'm going to try and finish it.
3162762 Oh, that sucks. All in all, it should build over time. *crossing
fingershooves*3162776
Well all I can do is hope.
Still liking the story! Another reason that the body wasn't buried too deeply could have been frozen ground. My family had to wait four months or so after my grandma passed away for the burial because the ground was frozen.
Oh...much worse. There's one thought on my mind that could've made it much more terrible. I won't say it.
Anyways, I still love the way the story is told!
3182909
What thought?
And also, I'm glad your still interested in it, no idea where Nick is...
3183581 Um...well...cannibalism i.e. a father feeding himself to his children (even vegetarian animals can be forced to eat what's not normally in their diet in extreme circumstances such as severe starvation) Makes me sick thinking about it.
3183621
Tell me, it's alright...
3186674 Oh, I did. Hi! How ya doing? <-- These kind of tags act like censors until you hover over them with the mouse pointer (click on them if using a mobile device).
How to do it: [ spoiler ]Remove the spaces in the square brackets to create the black bar effect[ /spoiler ]
3186922
Well, um wow. That never passed my mind, but now that you mention it...
I'm not going to put it in. That is a little farther than I'm willing to go for this story.
Let the journey to new lands begin! Good chapter.
3264833
Thank you, I plan on adding the next one over the weekend.
Where do you think the story is going?
3265832 I'd imagine that, after an arduous journey into unknown territory, the three travelling nations will find each other. They'll then notice that one another had the same ideas of expedition possibly intending to wrongfully subjugate the new land for their own benefit. Due to having lost so much already, innumerable past disagreements, and a great need of that land (bordering on greed), the nations will come at each other's throats with bitter resentment and hostility.
3268162
Congrats, that's fairly close. Then again, this is obviously based off of an actual episode. I've been really busy but progress will be achieved...eventually.
3297015 Having seen the episode, I had a reference point.
That's fine if you're busy. I can understand as my hours are somewhat limited, too.
I'm back! University started up so I've been a bit busy these last few weeks.
I'm glad to have two chapters when I did find my way back. Your chapters are long enough to convey an idea but short enough to make me mad when they end. You have a thing for cliffhangers, my friend.
My only complaint is that we've been hopping between the tribes thus far and they haven't had any real interaction besides hating each other. Once we get some tribe interaction and not earth pony chapter, unicorn chapter, pegasi chapter the story will be mighty interesting.
3300748
3298420
Well I'll be writing more now that I've gotten into the swing of things.
Finally got some time. When you mention three pegasi in the beginning paragraph, is that meant to be three groups of ponies? Just curious. Most importantly, I feel like there could have been better transitioning between sections rather than a horizontal line considering the three pony races were in the same land. Aside from the sectioning, I don't see much wrong with it though expanding on what was happening would be very beneficial. I still like your excellent use of descriptive wording.
#vividdetail
3508745
Well, I am taking a break from this piece, it seems better for me to work on shorter stories.