Actual character development
Blah blah blah, something about a camera man, onto another chapter!
“Hello, and welcome back to the seventh installment of Equestrian Jeopardy. Today’s round is involving luck, such as me avoiding a falling house light earlier.”
A crew worker dressed in black scurried across the stage, picking up the broken object in question and sweeping up the glass in seconds. After getting an unexpected audience cheer for his speed, he took a bow and hurried off the stage.
“Tremendous work. Let’s reintroduce our contestants. In last place with negative eight hundred points is Zecora. Now, this isn’t because she doesn’t know the answers. She is above par when it comes to our current champion, Sweetie Belle, but she is having trouble rhyming the answers.” He looked directly at Zecora. “Tell us, why do you rhyme things?”
“At first what started as a game has now turned my wild mind tame.”
He paused, unsure of how to take that. “Ok… very well. In second place with negative one hundred points is Sean Connery.”
“Good evening, Trebek. Feeling lucky I bet?”
Trebek rolled his eyes. “Well, you haven’t made a mother or gay joke against me yet, so it must be a good evening.”
“Can’t wait to hear more of the truth? Well if you must-“
“And moving on!” he interrupted. “Our final contestant in first place is Pinkie Pie with a positive number value of three thousand points. Ms. Pie, how do you explain your success?”
She shifted her eyes with a raised eyebrow. “Are you being serious Trebekky? The questions are sooooo easy. I can get how Zecora might have had trouble rhyming silver during the first round, but any contestant with half of a brain should be able to get these. I’m sorry if that sounds so super meanie, but I thought these would be hard.”
“Like Trebek when he enters a gay bar?”
The pink pony turned to the bearded man. With a frown and concerned eyes, she said, “you weren’t hugged enough as a child, were you?”
He sighed. “No, probably not.”
Out of random kindness, Pinkie Pie walked over to his podium and the two shared a hug. The audience aww’d.
Zecora wiped a tear from her eye.
“Well, that was unexpected.” Alex fumbled with his phone and checked the time. “Well, let’s get on with round two. The categories are:
‘Potent Potables’
‘Gambling’
‘Charms’ If you think of the Lucky Charms cereal, you’ll win these.
‘Mythical creatures’
‘Dating’
‘Superior Luck’
And ‘Name the first letter’.
Ms. Pie, the board is yours.”
“I’ll take ‘Name the first letter’ for eight hundred.”
The card slid out of the way. “What is the first letter of the word “Pyknic”?
*Bring!* “The answer must be, what is the letter P.”
“Correct, Zecora you’re now back at zero. The board is yours.”
“In order to stop my rhymed rambling, the category I must choose is ‘Gambling’.”
The card slid out of the way. “When playing roulette, there are two colors on the wheel. Name one.”
*Bring!* “Yes, Mr. Connery?”
“What is the color purple?”
“I’m afraid that’s incorrect.”
“Really? I saw you at a casino once and your face was turning purple every time you lost.”
The host faced the camera directly. “Let it be known that I’m terrible with luck.”
“I’ll shay, Trebek, you haven’t had a date in months.”
Pinkie Pie glared at Sean Connery. “Stop being such a meanie pants to him. At least he has a job running this game show. I can’t remember the last time you were in a good movie.”
The audience gave a low "oooooh".
“Yes, because idiots are making films in Hollywood now,” he retorted, slightly miffed. “And you know, for being such a happy pink pony, you’re not exactly being nice yourself.”
“I’m protecting everyone’s right to laughter and you’re not helping with that. Besides, I’ve gone on psychotic episodes before.”
Alex received the light from the producer to move on before the show escalated any further. “Right, since those two are bickering, we’ll leave you to the board.”
“I'd much rather see this fight, they could go all night.”
“I bet I know why they call you Ms. Pie down at your little bakery,” Sean said with a smile.
“Why’s that?”
“Because you serve your pie to everyone.”
Alex and Zecora stared blankly at the two. “Ms. Zecora, did he just-“
“This is something I do not adore, calling a friend of mine a whore.”
“Why would you-“ Pinkie began sniffling. “I thought maybe I was wrong, that everypony had a little kindness in them, something to laugh about. But you’re just… just…” She took in a larger than life breath. “Mr. Connery, you’re just a mean, horrendous, stupidly stupendous, idiotic, moronic, hurtful, spiteful, mournful, grief causing, heart breaking, life sapping, evil, caniving, horrid, insatiable, demented, twisted, ungenerous, close, greedy, mercenary, mingy, miserly, parsimonious, penny-pinching, penurious, rapacious, scrimpy, selfish, stingy, tight, tight-fisted, and you’re MEAN!
Mean mean mean mean mean mean! You’re so mean, that if every ounce of meanie Mcmeanyness was a drop of water, you’d have enough meanyness to fill an entire ocean! And your beard is so outdated, I feel like I should shave it off and send it into the 1920’s! And why do you have to always call women whores and guys gay!? If the world was like you wanted it, everypony would be into the same gender and we’d all be dead in two generations! Is that what you like Mr. Connery? Death? Or maybe you just have a nineteen yard pole up your caboose and you can’t handle it!”
“Holy-“
“And while we’re on the topic of things, Mr. Trebek!”
The man in question pointed a finger at himself, as if confirming. “Huh?”
“Why do you let this oaf pick on you? He’s on your show! Do you actually like being insulted all the time? Or are they forcing you to deal with it because of ratings? If it’s the latter, Why not find a job where you’re happy? What is wrong with you ponies!?”
“I cannot believe how long her mouth has been running, but I cannot deny Mr. Connery had this coming.”
All eyes were on him. “Ms. Pie. I apologize. I also have a new found respect for you. I never thought I’d say this to a pony with deadly amounts of pink, but I respect you. I’m sorry for any trouble that I may have caused you, I only make jokes out of sport, not malice.”
The two hugged once more, leaving the audience to cheer.
“I’d say this is a perfect time for final Jeopardy, don’t you all agree?”
All three nodded their heads. The little jingle began to play.
“The topic is, name a color. It can be any color, even an abstract one. You can even name a noun and it be correct. Any color. Red, blue, green, yellow, orange, any of those.”
The song ended.
“Right, let’s see the results. Zecora, you wrote:
Unfortunately, stripes are not a color. You wagered:
Nothing, because that is your point value. Very well. Mr. Connery, you wrote:
Pink. That is indeed a color. I’m very proud of you. And the wager is:
I don’t even care if that’s not a correct wager. I think you may have won this round. Pinkie Pie wrote:
I’m not sure how she got those other colors on there. But, she wagered:
Cupcakes?”
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There's probably a huge error in here somewhere, so if you see it... point it out.
Complete?
so glad I fav'ed this!
>Pinkie pie is best pony
1598500>>1598462
Woops. I forgot I still had that tag up. As you may have noticed, it took 18 weeks for this story's writer's block to cure. I seriously thought I'd never revisit this. but I have a few more ideas I'd like to do before I end EJ. Watch this space.
I'm glad I favorited this fic, all those months ago. Damn near ever episode has brought me to extremely laughter.
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Now it's my turn to make you laugh.
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I love this fic so much.
Cupcakes...I got a bad feeling about this...
Holy Shit this updated. And it did not disappoint. Thank you kind sir.
and that's why Pinkie is awesome
Oh gods...
i almost passed out from laughing too hard!
Thanks, you really made my night.
2304774
Whoa, a comment after 17 weeks? Maybe I should update this thing again.
2304898 Oh yes, please do
?
17 weeks
... should probably look this stuff up before commenting... NAH too much fun.
Oh that was fun to read!
Heh, that was pleasant.
2304898
Finally, Connery got told! D-X<
This was hilarious.
Only 3 1/2 years late to the party, I see.