Sacrifice - grimmred
Author: grimmred
Prompt: Sacrifice
"IT'S DONE! IT'S FINALLY DONE!" Twilight screamed into the heavens. Laughing manically she reared onto her back hooves as thunder and lightning split the sky.
Twilight stood behind a large chemistry set bubbling and boiling. Liquid of many colors speed through the tubes and beakers at break neck speeds. While nopony could tell you what was in them everypony would tell you that if Twilight was making it then it was bad.
"Ask anypony on the street and they would tell you that Twilight Sparkle wasn't always the mad mare you see today. In fact, she was an upstanding member of the community who had saved, not just Ponyville, but all of Equestria more than once. Studying under the the hoof of the Solar Princess herself and spending her time with honest, loyal, kind and generous friends Twilight was the embodiment of harmony. A shining paragon of Equestria and all its achievements.
The history books say that a disagreement happened between the Princess and her loyal student but that's not what really happened. You see Twilight found a mare that she could not explain. Being a pony of the sciences she couldn't stand not knowing something, so she studied said mare. The more she saw the less she knew. Her friend could predict the future, see outside of this reality, be an entire marching band by herself. She was the most interesting mare in the world and Twilight Sparkle could never resist interesting.
Somewhere along the line Twilight fell in love with her friend, not even she could tell you where. She could never understand this mare no matter how hard she tried. I told her that using a scientific approach didn't work for everything but she never listens to me. Luckily our friend was smarter than the average pony and made a suggestion. No one expected one harmless suggestion to bring all Equestria so close to ruin.
This unpredictable, undefinable mare suggested that she help with Twilights current experiment, a device to harness and redirect lightning. While hesitant at first Twilight soon found that with the help of her new friend the laws of nature need not apply all the time. For the first time Twilight connected with the object of her affections an an equal. The less she thought of reality the more she found ways to connect with her friend, and soon after marefriend.
The two lovers broke every imaginable law from both nature and pony kind in their twisted courtship. They would make a stallion age in reverse in the morning only to bring back the dead that night. The two only got more depraved the farther they went, to them nothing was sacred but each other.
It could not last forever and too soon the Princesses had to intervene. Twilight was a powerful princess and could not be killed, however her lover could. The mare was not only taken away but removed from history, her name erased from everyponies mind, save the four princesses.
Twilight was too far gone to ever be brought back to reality, and if you ask me i think she doesn't want to come back, but without her marefriend she was missing half of every equation. The Princesses agreed that she could do no harm so they gave her back her old home in Ponyville. "It was easier than fighting" they said.
As for me? I think The Princesses are wrong."
"YOU SEE THIS BUTTON HERE?!?! I'M GONNA PRESS IT!" Twilight shouted to nopony in particular.
"That's my cue, the job of 'number one assistant' is never done."
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I just remembered... what happened in September! Haha, I like this, cause the song came into my head at the very first line, and I didn't realize it was intentional until Twilight's last line.
Sad, but... more bizarre than anything.
Not really sure what to feel about this one. Just sort of... neutral.
This was an interesting piece, though I have to say it was strange. I can't see the princesses killing Pinkie Pie without a really good reason, and I don't think it worked well within the 500 word limit. I found myself wondering who was narrating half the time, and I also don't think Spike would've been so... calm about it. He knows about Pinkie's fate since he's talking about it, and yet he's okay with it? This type of idea would've been better suited as an entire story, as then it could be elaborated with more details instead of a timeline of sorts. It fell kind of flat emotion-wise, but I did really like this:
That was my favorite part of the story. You did okay, but there are ways it could've been improved.
This is definitely an interesting premise, but I think it needs to be expanded to become anything more than surrealist horror. There's an odd feel to the way that ... Spike(?) is marrating, where he sounds like a show announcer cathing up on exposition rather than a thinking human being, or something. Creepy, yes, intriguing, yes, but also terribly rushed, which is a shame.
3107337 3104165 I loved the idea of Twilight sacrificing her sanity for the love of Pinkie Pie but i agree that it did not work with in the word limit.