Southern Passion - 1
You Belong With Me
by Anderson Alicorn
Chapter 1: Southern Passion
South U.S.A, Mid East U.S.A, two different parts, two different beauty padrons, what do you think is more beautiful? The Sweet Countryside? Or the Elite? Applejack and Rarity are that kind of beauties that you see there, and who's between them? Twilight's assistant: Spike. Living in Ponyville after their arrival, Spike had a crush on Rarity at the first sight, that is no surprise at all, since almost every stallion has a crush on the most beautiful fashionista in town, Applejack is another case, working at the Sweet Apple Acres, Spike only saw her as a friend, but when time passes, this friendship gets closer and closer, and when you know, you don't have a crush on the person you THINK you have a crush, sometimes, the crush is directed to another one, and Spike's still not realizing that, but if you wake up, you can see that "what you were looking for, has been here the whole time" (Taylor Swift in the music You belong with me), that's why Spike can't see, he belongs to Applejack, not Rarity...
Sweet Apple Acres, 10 in the morning, another work routine to Applejack, or, that's what was going to be normally, Twilight asked her to go to an Apple party that Pinkie is going to run, her friend is very exhausted so Pinkie thinks a party could lighten things up... or spark things up
(Play "Fearless" from Taylor Swift here)
"Thanks for inviting me Twilight! Ah couldn't take the chance to lose this Apple party!" Applejack was with Twilight going to Sugar cube Corner, the party was like a pre - birthday party to Applejack, since her birthday is next week.
"That's all we can do Applejack! You sure need it! The rest of our friends and pets are already there as well!" said Twilight, her long friend.
"Ah can't thank ya enough!" Applejack answered, they arrived at Sugar cube corner, when they got in Pinkie's room...
BOOM!
A Canon blew up
"HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY APPLEJACK!!!" Yeah... It was Pinkie Pie...
"Whoa Pinkie! Thanks enough, but you scared he there!" Applejack said
"Oopsy Woopsy! My bad!" Pinkie apologized "Now ONTO THE PARTY!!!"
The party was lasting for some minutes, because sometimes, Pinkie's parties could last for 2 years... Funny right?
Ah think ah'm gonna grab an Apple... Applejack thought, she was hungry, when she got to the apples, she choose one, but another hoof, or may we see, PAW, was reaching it, when it reached, it touched Applejack's hoof instead of the apple, when Applejack turned... (Play here "You belong with me" from Taylor Swift) turned out that was Spike.
"Oops! Sorry Applejack! Y-You can take that apple! I'll get another one!" Spike said, a little nervous about what happened.
"Uh... that's OK sugar cube... Ah'm... Ah'm OK!" Applejack answered, a little confused as well, but one thing hit her head that moment, but she still wasn't understanding...
What happened? Spike and I are only friends! That may can't happen! And it doesn't need to, since Spike has a crush on Rarity... Ah... Rarity... that selfish ***** (No offense here) Applejack thought, offending a little Rarity, since she was a mid-eastern American pony...
As if on cue, the earth started to rumble, and Rainbow Dash had to scream:
"STAMPEDE!!!" It was a cow stampede... again... but Applejack was there, and she used the same strategy as the same time it had it once (Reference to "Applebuck season"), but when Spike took an ACTUAL look at Applejack, who was in front of the sun, her mane and eyes were shining, much to Spike's... gazing, her mane was tied, but the wind still made it flow though the air, Spike didn't moved around, he was too busy gazing at Applejack's southern beauty, until...
"Spike?" Twilight called him
"Huh? What?" Spike said, like he lost memory of everything that happened
"Spike, you were in trance about Applejack?!" Twilight said, surprised
"Who? Me? Ha! What are you thinking Twilight? We're friends! I couldn't be... gazing her right?" Spike said, trying to pretend to be innocent
"Oh Spike..." Twilight said, accepting his innocence. Little did she know, that he was covering his REAL crush...
(Applejack's POV)
Well, saved Ponyville again! Phew! I need to rest a little, I was heading for Sweet Apple Acres to go to my room and try to sleep, but I bumped into someone, it was Twilight and Spike.
"Oops... Mah bad Twilight!" I quickly apologized
"Nah, I was talking with Spike, that's why I didn't saw you, did you knew he was staring at you?" when Twilight got to the part that Spike was staring at me, I quickly looked at Spike, which blushed for a while and then...
"Uh... no! I wasn't! T-That's not true! C'mon Twilight! Let's just go to your library!" Spike protested, moving Twilight to the Golden Oak Library, you know, I always though he had a crush on Rarity, but on me? Nah, he doesn't have, or does he? Because, after what happened on the party, the hoof-to-paw touch, I always been thinking if Spike has a crush on me and not Rarity, that's strange, but... maybe I have it as well...
When I got back to Sweet Apple Acres, I found my sister Applebloom trying to clean up Lil' Pig, I remembered when Spike said he needed to serve me forever and the first thing I ordered Spike to do was help Applebloom to clean up Lil' Pig, no easy job right? But he finished in only 50 seconds, which is amazing, because, Lil' Pig wasn't as I said she was, Little, she is totally the opposite, I then walked through where Granny Smith was baking pies, I remembered Spike making a huge mess making a pie to Granny Smith, hehe... then I remembered that area where Spike... saved... me... from... the timber wolf... and then I... What? Applejack?! What are you thinking?!
Brain! Stop it! I cursed myself inside my mind, what was I thinking? I was thinking on Spike saving me from the timber wolf and then I started to think things about him all over! What in tarnation? ... well, I got onto my bed to sleep, the bad thing is, I didn't got a good sleep, everything because of one dragon...
Spike
And this is the first chapter!
: That was perfect Sugarcube! Good work!
Me: Thanks Applejack!
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I will have to wait till morning to read this but since it appears to stay AppleSpike then I will go ahead and add it to the AppleSpike group that I run.
Uh... What am I reading?
This is just one example:
The first two sentences are what... 50 words each or more? And how many comas are there in this one paragraph?
Still think this is perfect AJ?
This is filled with more problems than I have time to list and it's only barely over a thousand words.
I find this story great, and I hope for more great chapters to read. And, I have four stories, and I know when a story is awesome, and I'm looking at one. Keep it up!
it was ok... a fair idea, just executed poorly in my opinion
ah...rarity that selfish*****
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lol
MOAR
shows promise but it needs a little more touch up
I don't recall any such episode I'm afraid. Was this season 3? Mistakes are notable and completely discerned my initial thoughts. I'm sorry, but you've just caught the full brunt of my dislike until a little fixing is done.
I'm not going to rate this story because voting down is a little disappointing but it's not quite there for a good vote.
Maybe a read-later story then?
3082022 Yes, it was season 3 episode 9: Spike at your service
3082022
P.S: Nah! I'm OK
3081315
3080804
I'm new to FiMFiction, that's Why I'm having problems, but it's OK!
these things help me create better stories and chapters!
3081220
That's OK! You guys are helping me!
3080804
P.S: Funny, you putting Applejack there, hehe!
3080778
GREAT! Where's the group?
3081582
Thank you!
Me: I should say that...
3086413
Here you go: AppleSpike
3081349
You bet!
3086407
Maybe you shouldn't put ponies to speak for your stories either mate.
Fans have a funny way of thinking on how ponies would put their seal of approval on a story- Especially on one which many would think do not merit one...
3086561
Ah ain't perfect ya know? But 
about what you said, I don't know if I should put ponies on the ANs. Good Point 
Hey, I'm a newbie!
3086382So that's why I never heard of it. The series got lame after episode 3, or probably even during. Never had the same feeling like it's predecessors. I lost it during episode 6, even so; good luck with the story.
3087210
Why thank you!
3080778 Did you already take it off?
List of bad, constructive criticism.
1. Pretty much copies the errors of "Flying Away"
And this ends all my reviews on your stories.
3119595
... Mother ... a brony can't be respected...
3123614 I really do hate to nit-pic. But if I don't, who'll tell you all the bad sides of your stories?
3123762
True...
3123762
Since it's very like that, I'll leave this story a little on Hiatus to see what I will do on the next chapter OK?
3203168 Well, I'd flat out stop writing stories if I were you. Just start reading all the other stories and take some elements from them. Next come up with some ORIGINAL concepts, then get some editors and proof-readers and begin typin'.
3208895
Just one more thing: What do you say about Mature reading stories? Because... I'm bad at lemons (sex scenes)...
3209123 Could you rephrase the question please?
Well Star!! I have to say, You're pretty good for an author. My style of writing is much different, maybe. Maybe I'll tell you about me:
Since I was younger, i've always loved comedy. never made anyone laugh except for my younger sister.
Hope you write more!! Gotta soar
3209159
WHAT DO YOU SAY ABOUT MATURE STORIES?!
I'm not good at sex scenes
3750817 Well, mature stories can be a good read. Well, the ones well done are. Nevermind my liking of saucy stories, have you contacted editors and proofreaders yet?
3753268
Wait. What? How do I do that?
3754783 Here's a link for one for proof-readers and here's one for editors
Nice fic , pls keep it up c;
3939980 I'll try AL
Go on
4519171
?
The story is good, however the love triangle seemed a bit rushed and undeveloped, as well as the bold onomatopoeia and the music references whoch kind of get annoying and vreak away from the stoey. Do like how you keep them in character but I think 3rd person is a better style for you. No offense meant just pointing a few things out to hopefully make you an amazing writer... I see great potential
Update please.