Twilight is trying to create a magical-enhancement potion that could let her do theoretically anything she wants to.But when she enters the wrong ingredient,It will turn her whole life into a hellish nightmare.
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 14th Aug, 2013
- offline last seen Sep 7th, 2013
BrightFireWinds
My name is BrightFire,and I LOVE TO WRITE STUFF.Planning on making one shots and maybe some long stories.So,yeah.
BrightFireWinds
Joined 14th Aug, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Albi · 233k words · 1,348 36 · 27k views
- SaddlesoapOpera · 54k words · 750 27 · 14k views
- Matthais Unidostres · 18k words · 265 8 · 8.7k views
- Alex Warlorn · 116k words · 265 8 · 6.8k views
- DiabloGuapo · 83k words · 253 9 · 9.8k views
- Bluecho · 109k words · 426 27 · 6.6k views
- Skyboss · 13k words · 278 20 · 8.4k views
- ArtsyUnicorn · 5k words · 74 2 · 4.5k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.082 seconds
Total duration
968 users online
450,740 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Man, what's up with the dislikes? This is a good fic.
3045558 thanks,I appreciate it.I'll take good or bad feedback,as it's my first story and I want reviews.
3045620 If it's your first story then it's even better
Still new myself, so i know how you feel. Hope to see more from you soon (Or whenever inspiration strikes, I know what happens when you force things).
3045675 Exactly.Writing comes and goes.you just have to pounce when its there. Btw,do you have any stories i can read that you wrote?
Really good fic. The end felt kinda rushed though. You coul have expanded on the description to increase the feels! Other than that, great job!
3045754 I know it was a little rushed,but while I was writing i thought,"How the buck do I end this story!?"So I didn't focus on the whole of the story at that point,I was thinking about how to end it without it being a cliffhanger,or sucking completely.
No. Oh no. Not even.
I'll be blunt, I didn't get very far into this, because your story's punctuation seems to have broken.
I would be happy to re-read this, and even give constructive criticism if the punctuation is fixed, but you definitely need a pre-reader.
If you get a pre-reader and/or fix the punctuation, please message me or respond to this comment to inform me, and I'll put the entirety of my mind to the task of critique-ing this work.
Until that time though, I can't bring myself to read this story in it's current state.
A way!
wow... My heart was racing the whole time I was reading the second chapter.....
3046842 Alright,I'll take your criticism.Anything is helpful.You have any idea where I can find a pre-reader?
3047840 I think there's a group for that...
Maybe this group?
Or this one?
Not sure which would suit your needs better, but I hope one of them can help.
A way!
While this was incredibly rushed, the human train of thought was way off. Nobody simply commits suicide that quickly. Two weeks into depression is not a lot of time. Depending on the person's willpower and perseverance (Twilight has a lot), it can take up to a few months or maybe even half a year to get to that suicidal mind state. Cutting and guilt-induced masochism could be induced over this span of time.
The story lacks depth, and is overall very rushed. There are grammatical errors and punctuation errors, along with spacing errors. It's not neat, when it should be.
It really needs to be looked over. Now I'm not saying the plotline is bad. The idea was good, but the effort, dedication and passion just... isn't there, man.
WHAT... This makes me disappointed in pony kind... I thought they were so nice.. Well, time to proto2 the place...
3047840 Sorry, necropost. I preread for mechanics.