Prudent Mischief

Plan 9 from Equestria.2,024 stories ·366 members

My name is Loki, no not the Norse god of chaos, I'm just your average anti-social 17 year old hermit. Although I'm average, fate apparently decided my life shouldn't be and I find myself pulled into a strange world full of technicolor ponies, mythological creatures and a borderline insane god of chaos all due to some stupid misunderstanding.

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moviemaster8510

moviemaster8510 #1 · Aug 8th, 2013 · 10 · ·

Chapter 1:

Here’s a fun fact: last year had been the most mundane year of my relatively short life.

Fun Fact: No one gives a fuck.

I don’t mean to be such a downer but it has come to my attention that everything I’ve been doing that past few years has been fruitless; school, making friends and all that “important” stuff.

Because when has learning shit ever been useful?

Every day felt like every other day and it just didn’t feel like it was going anywhere, so I dropped out of school and became a hermit of sorts.

And how, pray tell were you able to support yourself as a high school dropout? Because I'm sure THAT looks good on a resume.

Who am I? My name is Loki.

Stop. This is not how you tell a story. When you tell a story like this, you come off like some whiny little pissant going on about their day at school, and no one wants to hear that shit.

Life is just full of irony isn’t it? Me, one of the most boring and unsociable people on the planet and my parents decided to name me after the Norse god of mischief.

Yeah, I'm calling bullshit. I'm certain you either watched The Avengers or saw how many fangirls squeal at him like the Marvel version of Edward Cullen and you named your character that because you thought you could garner the same attention.

It seems my parents were big on mythology, I suppose I inherited a little of that from them.

Because I'm so interested in learning, that I gave up on all of that! Consistency: It's not just for food anymore!

Notice I said ‘were’, my parents had passed away when I was just a toddler, then I had to be taken in by my grandparents and when I was finally old enough to take care of myself; they died too.

You know, taking care of yourself involves a lot more than just being old enough. You need to secure a job so you can spend money on groceries, insurance, utilities, etc. How you're able to get by as a high-school dropout, I have no idea.

Don’t bother feeling pity for me.

Too late. I already fucking hate you.

I’ve already come to terms with all of it and taken a valuable lesson from it too: ‘don’t bother forging relationships with people, they either betray you or die’.

GEE! I WONDER IF HIS VIEWS OF THIS WILL CHANGE AT ALL IN THIS STORY?!?!?!?!?

Cynical, I know and I suppose cynical is what I’ve become after years of those dearest to me vanishing and so called “friends” hanging around me just to use me.

Yes, let's go back to that one time in this story where Loki's "friends" used him.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not as if I don’t want friends, it’s the exact opposite.

Well, dumbass, you can't exactly make friends with people if you're not wanting to form a relationship with them. I mean, what the fuck do you think a friendship is?

It’s just that I haven’t had many people I can trust in life and those who I did trust either died or weren’t who I thought they were.

And you haven't mentioned a single one. Oh, who the fuck am I kidding? Story? Development? Fuck that! That's going to cut into my pony hugging time!

The rest were just random groups of people I hung out with at school so I didn’t look like some loser eating lunch by himself.

TELL A STORY!!

Life isn’t all that bad though, it has a few saving graces; anime, video games, the internet, junk food and smithing.

So...

1. You ditched school to be a lazy piece of shit! This sure sounds like a character worth following!
2. I'm still waiting for how you're able to pay for all this shit.

I suppose the last of the few would be a little surprising. Another irony I think, I can forge daggers but I can’t forge bonds. It’s because I’ve always had a fascination with swordplay due to all the stories I was told by my grandparents but the question still remains; why in this day and age would some anti-social teenager want to make things out of metal? Because bite me, I enjoy what I enjoy and I’ve actually gotten pretty good at it for only practicing it for a year and some. I even managed to sell a few knives online, it’s satisfying work to say the least.

You know how much money it would take to:

A.) Buy materials (decent iron/steel, rubber or whatever for handles, rivets to hold the tang in, etc.)?
B.) Run a furnace at which to heat the metal up?
C.) The proper tools to make a knife.

I guarantee you that the answer is a lot fucking more than you can make on the salary of a high-school dropout!

Enough about me though. I’m not too fond of talking about myself for too long. This is about the day things changed, the day I went to an entirely new world…

i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/6431098112/hA5E09D11/

Beep! Beep! Beep! Goes my as the clock hits 10:30, sleeping in was one of the pros of being a hermit.

How nice. Your character is still a tremendous fucker.

“Ugh…” I groan as I open my eyes and get out of bed to turn off my alarm.
10:30 huh? Another day in paradise… I think sarcastically to myself, still a bit groggy after waking up. That’s the good thing about being a hermit; you can get up and go to sleep whenever you want.

How about sleeping in here for the rest of the story?

rjrnewsonline.com/assets/img/stories/display_pic/grave_dug_up.jpg

I walk over to the vanity mirror in my room to see how I look. Lookin’ good there Loki! I think to myself as I look my tired self over.

Because if I'm hot, I'm automatically likable, right? RIGHT?

“Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the sexiest beast of them all?” I say as I wait for a reply that doesn’t come. “Fine, fuck you then.”

And he's a narcissist. What a swell little faggot this cunt is, I sure hope he succeeds in the end!

For an anti-social hermit, I don’t look too bad. I stand at about 6’2, have a slim build with a bit of muscle that I never had until a few months ago; I suppose hammering metal will do that to you, dark brown eyes and messy brown hair that goes down to my shoulders.

Your character is screaming Gary-Stu through a fucking megaphone.

I walk away from the mirror and prepare to begin my boring daily routine with the so called “most important meal of the day”; breakfast.

I open the pantry and look at its contents.
Cornflakes… All I have is cornflakes. Well that’s alright, I guess it’s better than nothing.
I pour the cornflakes into a bowl and go the fridge only to find that I was out of milk.
Of all the days… Whatever, I’ll just eat them as is, it’s better than having to walk down to the general store.

Then I found out I repeated the phrase, "It's better than..." within two sentence. I guess it's better than putting effort into my writing.

That was one part of being a hermit that I loathed. I lived alone but I didn’t have an unlimited supply of food and I couldn’t just order it off the web like I do my steel.

You know what else sucks about being a hermit who is also a high school dropout?

NOT!
HAVING!
ANY!
FUCKING!
MONEY!

Once in a while I’d have to go out and… Ugh… Deal with people.

Gee, I can only wonder why I don't have any friends!

After reluctantly eating the rather dry cornflakes, I went back to my room to spend the rest of the day on my computer. Maybe I’d marathon an anime or something.

Well that scene was fucking important.

I just wish I could have been born someone else, to start again… So that I could have friends...

I'll just wish for shit and not make an effort to get it. Because that makes for a good protagonist!

As soon as I finished that thought, I could have sworn that I heard someone trying to hold back laughter but I knew better and decided it was just my mind playing tricks on me and forgot about it.

Fuck me...

“Time to check the emails… Increase your penis size… Once you’ve read this you can’t stop… Mail order wife…“ I sigh at the sight of all the spam. Maybe it’s time I made a new one, this spam stuff is getti- What’s this?” I cut myself off after I saw a strange looking email titled ‘Dear Mr. God of Mischief’. Usually I would have immediately passed it off as spam but it sounded as if it was talking about Loki, the Norse god, not me.

Because the Norse god of Mischief lives in the pissy ass suburbs of America, right?

“Someone couldn’t have possibly thought I was the real Loki could they?"

Wow. With a remark that fucking stupid, no wonder you quit school.

Dear Loki,
You existence has come to my attention and it is quite the pickle – Not the delicious kind, the problematic kind. You see, I am the god of chaos and you are known as the god of mischief; a trickster. Do you see the problem? Two gods can not bear synonymous titles. That would be, well… It would be chaotic – but not the good kind! Therefore I have come to the conclusion that one of us must step down from our godhood, that one of us being you Mr. Mischief.
Let me get straight to the point. I challenge you to a duel Loki but not just any duel; a chaos duel. The loser gives up their powers and relinquishes their title, I’m sure you understand. After your reading this, I have made arrangements for you to be brought here. Do wipe your shoes before making yourself at home will you? Tata~
Sincerely, the one true god of chaos;
Discord

1.) Since when do fucking gods use email?
2.) How the fuck can Discord be so stupid as to not realize that he contacted some little bitch-ass bastard from the suburbs? Don't you think that he would have thought twice after seeing the address was lokiknifer6969orwhatthefuckever@gmail.com?

“That’s the weirdest email I’ve gotten since the one about the goldfish questioning its own sexuality, this guy has sense of humour! Well my day just started to look a whole lot brighter, I guess it’s time to-“
That’s all I was able to get out before I was enveloped by a flash of light and blacked out. That’s strange, I can smell chocolate milk…

And thus begins the boring fucking adventures of Loki the Faggot in Equestria! Tune in next time as-

Well that’s all I’ve got for the prologue folks.

Way to go. It sucked balls.

I hope it was enough to at least get you to read the next chapter.

The next chapter will be a lot bigger, I promise!

Can you promise that it won't suck elephant anus as well?

Do you Pinkie promise?

Fallen Prime

Fallen Prime #2 · Aug 8th, 2013 · · ·

I have nothing to add to what 3012014 has already said. MAYBE a legit showdown between an in-character Discord and an in-character Loki (Norse OR Marvel) would be a good read, but there's nothing to make the audience like your Gary Stu protagonist and no reason for Discord to be this stupid.

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